Tony & Wendy's Travel Blog

Well that’s it not a mention of Scum…..ers from now on. Photos this week are somewhat limited so I’ve added “Ski Memories” over the years to brighten things up a bit.

Lazy morning again – cabin fever sort of day – chance to catch up on my French. It would be so much easier to have a few drinks, watch TV and nod off to sleep as the mood takes me, but I manage to resist. Wendy’s volunteering at the CC for the morning. Comes home with the usual red cross parcels and an Easter Basket for Jasper and Beatrix.

In the afternoon she takes me to the gun club. My treat. 100 rounds of 9mm in a Glock 34. One hell of a kick, it spits fire and sparks and without safety glasses could easily take an eye out as it spurts out the bullet case. Makes you wonder how anyone in the police, who doesn’t wear glasses, would ever use this without risking being blinded.

Call at the hospital to pick up something for tea with Wendy’s volunteer vouchers. The food there has definitely gone down hill. Not a patch on how good it used to be. But it’s free and still better than NHS hospital food.

Watch the last of Victoria on Amazon Prime. Impressive series. They certainly don’t portrait her as straight laced and frigid like her reputation.

Make a start on “Sneaky Pete” but one strong Dark and Stormy along with a few Bourye whiskeys gets the better of me as we both nod off to sleep. But at least my plan worked, the alcohol helps me sleep at night better than them dam junky tablets that addle your brain. Fortunately this fracture is not really painful but in the middle of the night it can just get a tad uncomfortable.

Wendy’s at the CC all day so I’ve an overdose of cabin fever, French and blogging, I feel like a Dalek whose plan to conquer the world was frustrated by a staircase.

Relief in the evening as we go out for dinner – delicious carnitas – at Bob and Marilyn’s. Also get to meet their kids and new baby.

Try staying awake to watch “Sneaky Pete” afterwards.

Meanwhile Ross is trying to sort their flights to Park City for summer.

Wendy drops me at the gun club for some AR15 time with Joe. Enjoy it but prefer hand gun shooting in the main, especially with Joe’s 9mm Rock Island ROCK ULTRA FS. Feels good and love the sights. Nearly as good as the Wilson Combat.

We pass on the Quiz as we’re going out to dinner and rumour has it that a scumboarder may be joining us. I really don’t think I would be able to restrain myself from some acrid comment.

Off out to the Boneyard for dinner with Joe and Donna. Have a great evening. Donna does a good job on convincing Wendy of the benefits of a Safari. Need to investigate further.

Lazy morning. call at Bob & MArilyns to pick up the baby seat. They’re all such a joy to fit in the car, fortunately we have a top mechanic on the job.

Wendy braves and survives the drive down to the airport to pick the kids up. Their planes about an hour early. Much better for them arriving in the day.

Obviously they’re exhausted but manage to stay up until about 19:00. Kurt’s trying to cough up a rancid dishcloth as a result of some dreaded lurgy he’s infected with.

Kids time clocks are all over the place, so they’re up with the night owls. Beatrix kicks off so Jasper comes and sleeps with us – we need a good kicking. Kurt has a bad cough and tight chest so he’s going to stay in bed. Fiona’s excited and keen to make the most of the amazing facilities here in PC. Yes, she’s all geared up for some lonesome retail therapy down at Tangier Outlets. We have the kids, drop her off and then run a few errands.

Pick Fiona up and then Wendy gets her fix at the supermarket. This is all too much excitement for me.

Wendy and I are off wine tasting for the evening. There’s only 14 of us but it’s a pleasant evening of drinking and socialising with other members of the Newcomers club. Sadly my Zen of Zin Zinfandel didn’t win the blind tasting but glad to say that both Wendy and I rated it as the best. Kids are all in bed when we get back.

I thought I had a rabid hatred of scumboarders but one woman’s F…ing and jeffing hatred of them makes me look like the president of the snowboarders fan club.

If you think skiing is dangerous you should try negotiating your way around lego and toys on the carpet, on a pair of crutches.

Lazy start to the day.

Hot cross buns for breakfast. Memories of hot cross buns on Good Friday, fresh from the bakery in Oakham. Then it’s Easter eggs all round – apart from Wendy – in keeping with family traditions, as a kid, I pig out on a whole Easter egg.

Baby Einstein drives us nuts.

Take the kids up to Deer Valley to see the Easter Bunny. He’s so elusive he doesn’t turn up. Must have disappeared down a rabbit hole. Wendy’s declared war on Deer valley. They advertise this event, none of the staff have a clue about it and then there’s no Easter Bunny. Bloody clueless and the organisational skills of a drunken penguin – laziness and stupidity the parents of disorganisation. Guess they be getting the sharp end of Wendy’s tongue in a email tirade.

Helen and George pick us up to go to the Apres ski up at Red Ledgers. Another lovely house with great views of the Timpanogas.

You can tell it’s nearly the end of the season by the number of cripples hobbling in. 3 of us. I get lumbered talking to one guy, let’s call him superman, given his physical prowess. Yes this guy has enough legendary ski tales to go on stage with his own 3 hour monologue. Just some of his many “achievements” include “No problem skiing with a broken leg as he can ski down the whole mountain on one leg”; “skis and chats – simultaneously – with olympic champions, and at 60 MPH”; “ski instructor”; “ski patroller”; he’s threatened Deer Valley ski patrollers who cross him with “being unemployed tomorrow”; now he’s recovering he’s achieving 60MPH on his trainer bike; you name it he’s done it with bells on and at speed. Fortunately manage to escape his monologue and inflict him on an unsuspecting Wendy.

Helen and George pop in for some quality Jasper time. They’ll be glad to get home for a rest.

Kurt’s still in bed but feeling a tad better.

Beatrix has a a real hissy fit overnight so Wendy takes her downstairs so Fiona can get some much needed sleep. Then it’s a real battle of wills. Plenty of crying but no real tears. Just a 10 minute tirade and a squirming struggle. She – Beatrix that is – finally gives up and nods off.

Lazy start to the day. Kurt’s still poxy, needs a bell round his neck and should wander around shouting “bring out your dead”.

Drop Kurt off at the doctors. Then take Fiona and Jasper up to the PCMR base for them to have a ski on the magic carpet. But it’s not long before Jasper wants to get on First Time lift. Has a few good runs down following in Fiona’s wake. Those ski lessons in Manchester seem to have really paid off, he’s looking quite comfortable on skis, turning and stopping well.

Pick Kurt up complete with a $295 bill for seeing doctor and meds. A tad worrying, diagnosed with a viral chest infection but they give him a prescription for antibiotics – another chink in the wall of antibiotic resistance.

In the evening Bob and Marilyn come round with their kids and grandkids. Papa Murphy’s for tea, some wine and then it’s onto a serious whisky tasting. Now have a full collection of 6 of the High West whiskeys. Two youngest kids get on well as they sit in the corner, under the table playing on their iPads and eating and ice cream cornet.

READER WARNING – this week’s blog is a Special Edition, going to be heavy into ranting about scumboarders. Once I’ve got it out my system normal tedium will be resumed next week. Well at least it’ll give the religion of pieces and permanent offence a rest.

Can’t believe I managed last evening with just one glass of wine. How restrained was that. Thought I’d be downing a bottle of High Wests finest whiskey.

Not too bad a nights sleep. A bit uncomfortable but not painful. Took one of my junky opiate tablets halfway through the night, which did the trick.

Last nights whiskey was so much more effective than them dam junky opiates. Perhaps you should be able to get whiskey or whisky on the NHS instead of traditional addictive pain killers.

Another lazy start to the day. At least I manage to get in the shower. A real work of art and achievement.

Off to see the sawbones in the afternoon.

Greeted by Jabba the Hut, the receptionist, well not really greeted, more like a smile hiding a grunted snarl. Asked to fill in yet another two page questionnaire that repeats most of the same questions I’ve filled in over the past few days. Joined up thinking obviously not for this century. I have they never heard of the simplicity of XML data exchange?

Finally get to see the sawbones who brings up my CT scan and shows me the damage. Amazing technology and detail. As well as the main fracture across and down my Tibia there’s bout 4 or 5 minor short fractures that look like tributaries to the Nile Delta. Considering the collision didn’t seem to hurt, it’s amazing how much damage this collision has done.

Anyway he’s consulted with an orthopaedic surgeon specialist and the good news is that they both agree there is no need to be carved up and bolted back together. The bad news is that I need to keep this much desired fashion accessory of a leg brace on for about 4 weeks, no load bearing for 6 weeks. Me senses another 1st class flight home. No exercises I can do to stop the knee tightening up but after 6 weeks need to go and see my physiotherapist.

Amazing even though you’re paying, ($140 with a 30% prompt payment discount) just like in England, you’re still kept waiting. Amazing he doesn’t even look at my leg, but I suppose when you think about it $140 for two expert opinions is not bad. An hour later and not even a mumbled apology.

In the evening Helen and George come round for dinner. A very entertaining evening putting the World to rights.

Lazy morning for me while Wendy gets a small weekly shopping fix.

In the afternoon we hobble off to the pub quiz, with the usual gang of geriatrics. Really need some younger blood on our team to deal with the age biased questions. Not a spectacular result but we can always resort to the losers creed “It’s not the winning, it’s the taking part”.

Carol and Angela come round for dinner. It’s been one busy week for us, but these were all pre-planned, before my scumbaorder confrontation.

Another lazy start to the day. A full day of cabin fever. You can tell it’s desperate as I spend time improving my French.

My 3 commandments of retirement don’t make days in very easy:

1 Never Sleep during the day.

2 Never drink during the day.

3 Never watch TV during the day.

But chance to improve my French; research AI; research Quantum computing; research the Bitchain. More importantly think about what I’m going to replace skiing with? What to do next winter?

In the evening we’re off round to Bob and Marilyn’s for dinner. Great Taco soup, and with plenty to spare, I get some to take home. Help fortify the cripple.

Off up to the gun range with Joe. Very disappointed that they don’t have any targets with scumboarders on them. Manage ok on crutches, although give the AR15 we’d planned a miss for now. Probably appropriate considering it was “March For Our Lives” day. Get some good scores with Joes 9mm. Really like that gun, very similar to the Wilson combat – my favourite.

Wendy does an extra day’s volunteer at the CC.

Make a serious start on improving my French, sign up for Babbel.

The Wanderlust meeting is cancelled with just 4 hours notice, so I don’t have to do my Death By Powerpoint presentation on Home Exchange.

Wow, for tea just had the best Pastrami on Rye ever. Home made.

Quiet night in and manage to binge out with Victoria season 2 on our free Amazon Prime subscription.

Food for thought.

Which of the following would be the worse that your child could come home and admit to:

They’ve had their ear pierced.
They have a large, highly visible tattoo.
They have a giant hole in their ear lobe.
They have their nose pierced.
They are up the duff or have got someone up the duff.
They are going to join an extreme religious sect.
They want to become a muslim.
They want to change sex.
They are gay.
They’ve become a scumboarder.

For me anything would be better than a scumboarder in the family.

My friend Todd – safety patrol manager – has searched for employees and ski pass holders with the name Corbyn Fraig, Corbin Fraig, Corbyn Fraid or Corbin Fraid and come up with no matches. Looks like the scumboarder gave me a false name – now there’s a surprise. My fault. If I’d had my wits about me – difficult when you’ve just been wiped out – I’d have asked to photograph his ski pass or drivers licence. But then again if he gave a false name he’s hardly likely to let me photo genuine Id.

Lazy morning again, fighting cabin fever. Do some French studying – I hate grammar. Need to find some French films, who knows there might even be some good blue ones.

Evening we’re off to the cinema at the local library. Just $7 to see “The Post”. As you walked up to the cinema a blast of pop corn aroma hits you. They’re all there with giant plastic containers, carrier bags, brown bags and buckets of pop corn. Cracking good film all about the Pentagon papers and America’s cover up of the cock up that was Vietnam – so many young live lost due to political incompetence. Wish we had a First Amendment in the UK. Our free speech is in danger from the left wing fascist snowflakes.

What a cultural eye opener an American trip to cinema is. They clap and cheer throughout the film. fortunately there were no baddies so no booing. It’s amazing. No National Anthem though.

George and Helen drop us off at home, they stay for a drink and some political enlightenment. Another awesome evening.

OK so do I need my extreme weather jacket or my lightweight jacket for skiing today? Silly me, I forgot can’t ski no more.

Another lazy day. For a bit of excitement we have a ride out to Heber to see if they’ve got any cowboy style hats any cheaper than the one I’ve seen on Main Street. Nope. Call in and have a look at wheelchair rentals. Wendy thinks it would be a good idea so that we can get around more rather than dumping me with a bottle of wine and packet of crisps while they all go galavanting. The ignominy of it, being pushed around by your kids.

Call back on main street and get my hat for summer.

Awesome tea tonight with ribs and American baked beans.

Binge out on 4 episodes of Victoria.

OK, I think that’s enough, hopefully I’ve got scumboarders out of my system. But they should still be banned. Back to normal service tedium on the next blog.

I’m leading a ski group. With the snow conditions – a choice of ice or a slush puppy – I’ve about as much enthusiasm as having to attend a rendition of Handel’s Messiah in a dinner suit. Fortunately most of my regulars seem to have the sam enthusiasm, so it’s just Helen and I. A lazy morning followed by much needed coffee

Wendy’s volunteering at the hospital so it’s a lazy afternoon.

A quiet night in for a change so catch up on some HBO. Really is too much to choose from.

Jasper is doing so well on his ski lessons. So looking forward to taking him to the top of the mountain.

 

Very lazy morning skiing. Late start to allow the snow to warm up from it’s icy state and now it’s like skiing on a slush puppy. Nothing worse than that stop, go feeling as your skis suddenly slow down and nearly end up arse over ski tip. A bit of snow but nothing to get orgasmic about.

Wendy’s at the CC so I toddle off down to the gun club to perforate some more cardboard adorned with the “Weather Channels” image.

Bloody marvellous it manages to rain all afternoon but no snow. Fortunately the rain help hide my tears of frustration that there’s no snow. Dread to think of the carnage to the snow on the mountain.

Quiet night in watching HBO.

Yeah, at last it’s snowing. In the past week the US weather wizards have promised much and delivered little. They have all those Petaflops (what a nerd – 10 to 15 instructions per second) of computing power and still can’t get it right.

It snows on and off this morning and the geniuses on the mountain claim we’ve had 4″ in the past 12 hours but 0 in the past 24 hours. Go figure that out. To quote good old Ben Franklin “We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid”.

Wendy’s off to the hairdressers. I get to read Jasper, Kurt and Fiona a bedtime story, then I’m off skiing to see what this new snows like. Mind you looks like a whiteout up there so maybe I’ll just get to feel it as I bounce along.

Well crap a dead cat if it isn’t the worst snow ever in the USA. The new snow been compacted down as an ice like sheen on top of sheet ice from yesterdays rain. It’s awful to ski on. Perhaps it will be better higher up but that would still mean ski down on this frozen shit. One run and I give up. These conditions are a disaster waiting to happen. If I thought this was what skiing was going to be like for ever then I’d be off down to the Christian Centre, like jihadi late for a public square stoning, to donate ALL my ski gear.

Go home in a sulk.

Then it’s the quiz followed by a quiet night in.

Well apparently we had 4″ of snow yesterday, 2″ overnight. Tempting, as it’s a blue bird day, but after yesterdays ice rink I think a bit more snow is needed before I want to try it, so I’m off to bowling with the Newcomers.

Hilarious as one of the younger bowlers tries to get 6 geriatric bowlers to bowl league style – alternate between lanes. It’s just mayhem, about as hard as tryin’ to herd chickens, as us old dogs can’t grasp such complex new tricks. In the end she gives up and switches back to “Keep it simple” as we bowl on the same lane.

Followed by a Starbucks and then I’ve been condemned to go to the supermarket. Should have gone skiing.

In the evening we go down to Bronco Bills for a Mexican with Bob and Marilyn. Great food. Best Mexican we’ve had so far this season. Mind you for someone who thinks Taco Bells OK I don’t exactly have a high bar of expectations.

Off down to the gun range with Joe. Use his 9mm, very similar to the Wilson combat, good and solid, feels great in the hand and manage to shoot well with it. Best of all it’s only about $700, instead of the $3,600 for the Wilson combat.

Afternoon call in the liquor store while Wendy does a small shop ready for tonights soiree.

Friends and neighbours around for dinner and drinks. Introduce them to some of Utahs finest with High West Whiskey., that they’d never tried. Good food; good company; good wine; good whiskey. Really do think High West Double rye is one of their best and best of all its the cheapest.

8″ new snow yesterday and 11″ the previous day so todays a great day to ski. Have a leisurely morning’s skiing. Great conditions.

Then in the afternoon it’s a St Patricks Day apres ski party.

Gorgeous Bluebird day with good snow. Decide to have a lazy start, ski on my own day and pass on skiing with Helens group. Then I’m in the single line at Silverload for my first run and who is the exact foursome I get to share a six pack with but Helen. Meant to happen so I ski with Helens group. 2nd run our intrepid leader is taking us down Parleys. Not my cup of tea so I resort to plan A – ski by myself. Helen decides on Jonesys, says she prefer it but I try and dissuade her, please not to change on my behalf.

We all set off down Jonesys. I’m really enjoying a great run, bit of steeper terrain at the top and then the long easy finish. Like a good coffee with a full body bite to start with followed by a long mellow finish.

So why have I related all this boring detail. Well just to prove that shit happens. Wrong place, wrong time, the story of my skiing these past four years. I’m coming straight down the last stretch and wham a scumboarder hits me from behind. I think I’m going to survive it but no he takes me out. I remember thinking I’ll fall on my left side. Well the rest is just a repeat. Skis don’t come off. Try to get up, but no I’m not going to be able to ski down.

Needless to say I have a few choice words to say to the scumboarder. Why me? Why when there’s a wide open space? Ed was skiing with me at the time and saw him come over the slight brow of the hill and then totally out of control into me.

Yet another sledge ride down to the medical centre. Xray shows a fracture in my Tibula. Despatched home with a brace on, yet another pair of crutches and told don’t put any weight on it. Expert says I need a C.T. scan to determine whether it’s stable enough or will need surgery.

Wrong place, wrong time, again. Absolutely nothing to do with skiing with Helen, or the litany of choices leading up to it. Who knows if I hadn’t skied with her I’d have probably been pushed off the ski lift by some drunken scumboarder.

Irony is I’ve had a real mind game going on getting over previous incidents. What really grates is that it wasn’t my fault or skill. I’ve been so cautious, taken it so easy, but I might as well have just skied Black Diamonds this year. At least if I’d have given the terror of Erika’s Gold a go. I would have had the satisfaction of it being all down to me.

Well that’s it I promised Wendy I’d give up skiing if anything else happened this year. It breaks my heart to give up, but 4 years in a row, I think is trying to tell me something. What makes me even madder is that I won’t get to ski with Jasper. He’s doing so well and after seeing the latest video of his skiing I was so looking forward to skiing with him.

So I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, remember SHIT HAPPENS, SUCK IT UP.

Time for some whiskey. Money can’t buy you happiness but it can buy whiskey and wine which makes you happy

Ski leader today for the Leisure Ski group groomed greens and blues with the all important break for coffee. Quite a big turnout, 8 of them. But what a group they were a bit like greedy starving eagle chicks all braying for regurgitated worms and attention every time we stopped. “Where are we going?”, “Which way?”, “Which lift?”, “Me”, “Me” and more “Me”. They were so busy braying for attention that they often didn’t hear where we were going. I’d stop, and when they’re altogether tell them, and then repeat it at the next stop, but no they just couldn’t wait for that. Overall a great blue bird days skiing, just a tad intense.

Wendy’s at the Hospital, volunteering.

In the evening we pick Bob and Marilyn up and go down to Cortana, a quaint little, draughty, Italian restaurant. Draught from the door was enough to freeze and blow the balls off a brass monkey. Food was pretty good but in future try and get a table at the rear, away from the draughty door.

Lazy morning skiing on my own. Awesome bluebird day. Snow’s a tad hard packed.

You do have to worry about people who ask you where you’re from and when you answer England they come out with trite phases like “cool”. Then in the next breath proceed to ask you if you know so and so who lives in Manchester. Just how many people do they think lives in our “little old country”?

Wendy’s at the Christian Centre all day.

Get a phone call from the kids to say there’s a leak in the garage. Looks like a cap off the hot water pipes comes off and it’s been spewing out hot water for god knows how long. Dread to think of the resulting gas and water bill. Garage is like a tropical rain forest with steam water dripping from the ceiling.

Then to make matters even worse get a debt chasing email for payment of the remainder of my hospital bill from last April. Yes, good old Axa still not settled it and are now saying I’m not covered. More crap to deal with. Anything else to rain on my blue bird day.

In the afternoon I go down to the gun range, try out a Sig Sauer P238 and punch some holes in an Axa target. A dinky little 6 round automatic that fires 38 ammo. A real kick with that ammo from such a small gun. Finally get to master it. Very neat would easily fit in your pocket and with that ammo is pretty powerful.

Evening’s a quiet evening in watching TV.

Start the day with a call to Axa UK to resolve why this bill has not been paid. Lazy call centre scrot passes me over to Chicago who are dealing with the payment. 3 Chicago departments later, including the need to learn Spanish because some dago keeps say Hola, I’m transferred back to Axa UK’s Direct Line department. Only problem is I’m with Amex Platinum. Ring back in and get good old Dean, the bright spark whoops so keen to get me over to Chicago rather than take ownership of the problem. Tell him either take ownership of the problem or pass me through to a manager. Without even a by your leave he transfers me to who his manager. The first sentient human being I’ve spoken to in the past 75 minutes, he appears to have a brain, some drive and willing to show some customer care, enterprise and take ownership of the problem. He can’t see why they’ve refused the claim. Mind you even he admits his call centre staff are generally useless and as to dealing with Chicago it will take hime days. By now I’m totally frazzled, ready to go on a rampage with an AR15 in the Axa call centre. If I wasn’t driving I’d have a good slug of High West Double Rye.

Another blue bird day but with a difference. Pick Helen up and we go cross country skiing with the PCMSC. Hard work. 90 minutes and didn’t find a single lift. No coffee – uncivilised. Unfortunately I’m the only light bulb changer (male) amongst about 20 women, most of whom are good cross country skiers.

After 90 minutes I’m knackered and ready for a beer.

Wendy joins us all for a noisy lunch at the Jeremy Ranch Golf Club. Enjoy a pretty awesome Reubens and because the tap water tastes like cardboard have to resort to a couple of pints of Pilsner. I really shouldn’t break my 1st Commandment – “Don’t drink during the day”.

A great night out with Jere and Diane and friends, dinner, wine and bourbon then off to see “The Ventures”. Never heard of them before but have heard so much of their music. Powerful and awesome live. I wonder whether the Shadows were as awesome live?
Then end to another perfect day here in paradise with a nightcap of High West’s rare “Midwinter Nights Dram” at Butchers bar.

Pass on bowling today and go for a leisurely ski on a blue bird day. Much too warm. Cruelty to snow.

Lazy afternoon as Wendy’s at the CC.

Pass on the TGIF and have a quiet evening in for a change.

It’s a lovely sunny morning, too warm really, so we both catch the bus into Main Street for a stroll and walk back home – get some exercise to compensate for skipping skiing. Saturdays are way too busy and full of rug rats.

In the afternoon Bob and Marilyn pick us up and we go on a tour of the High West Whiskey Distillery. Tours only 30 minutes but interesting and best of all followed by a whiskey tasting session. Get to try their very rare “Light Whiskey”, oh so smooth and expensive. Wendy treats me to a bottle for our Wedding anniversary. Also get a bottle of their Bourye that I’ve been promising myself – so much cheaper to drink these at home than in a bar.

Wendy drives Marilyn’s car home, she’s the only one who’s not drinking – doesn’t like whiskey.

Go to Full House (that’s the name of the place) for dinner.

Then Wendy and Marilyn go off to the Eccles centre to See Riverdance – free tickets from Lorraine and Wally at the CC. Not my glass of whiskey, so I stay home and watch “Heartbreak Ridge”, an all American hero classic with Clint Eastwood. Also check out the Light Whiskey and Bourye I’ve just bought – they’re fine, not “corked” or gone off in the bottle. Perfect end to yet another perfect day here in paradise.

Lazy start to the day. Toddle off up to PC for a few ski runs and coffee. Awesome bluebird day yet again, but I’m distraught at snow melt. Bloody climate change, I wouldn’t mind I’m doing my bit by catching the free bus every day to the ski slopes rather than burning a gallon of petrol in my all american gas guzzler. And what thanks do I get for this supreme sacrifice? None. Instead the snows melting.

Chat to some folks from Kansas on the lift> The best they can come up with as reason to visit Kansas is they have great barbecues. Sad.

In the afternoon we’re off to an Apres ski party. What an awesome view of the mountains, there is from the home.

Really hate this afternoon drinking, but I suffer it to be sociable. Problem is I then fall asleep in the evening with the usual risk of smashed wine glasses. Fortunately Wendy’s sorted that issue with some stemless – low centre of gravity – wine glasses from the CC.

It appears that 50% of my blog readers (Diane) thinks that my blogs mellowing. Well crap a dead cat, I’m swivel eyed with that news. Looks like I need more whiskey and wine whilst writing my blog. Promise to do better.

Lazy ski morning, give the snow time to warm up. Had the luxury of a lift to PCMR base as Wendy off shopping with Marilyn – sounds expensive. No doubt it’ll cost me dearly with the “bargains” she encounters. Sadly too late a start to ski with Helens group. Devastated when she ski’s past me without so much as a heckle to “get a move on”. Snow’s either icy or a slush puppy. Too warm, just like spring skiing.

At one stage in the morning I think I’m back skiing in Europe as I watch this blond trollop crawl under the rope in order to improve her position in the lift line by 1 person – she’s off er rocker, as mad as box of frogs.

In the evening we’re off round to Bob and Marilyn’s for dinner. Good Italian food (eggplant parmesan courtesy of Bob and his Mothers family recipe), good wine and good company.

I lead my leisure ski group in the morning. Hal joins us and gives some lessons to the group, that goes down a treat.

Anna and León were late up so we planned to meet them at our coffee break, but we broke for coffee a tad late so missed them.

Had a good morning skiing with the group.

Lazy afternoon, Wendy has the car at the hospital.

In the evening we all drive over to Heber for dinner with Hal and Carol. Have a lovely meal of Raclet – Wendy wants one of the Raclet cookers – it’s such a sociable meal as you all cook your own cheese and chat, while the steak and shrimps cook on the hot stone.

Go up skiing with Anna and Leon. Catch the Quick Silver gondola over to the Canyons. I ski a few runs with them, especially Copperhead – one of my favourites over there. Then leave them to ski the rest of the canyons whilst I make my way back to PC. Have an awesome mornings skiing. Best and most vertical – 17,000 feet – this season. Snow was excellent and good weather.

Lazy afternoon. Pick Wendy up at the Christian centre.

Anna’s on her 3rd pair of boots and still suffering cold feet as well as uncomfortable boots.

In the evening we catch the bus dow to the High West Saloon for whisky tasting and dinner.

At the High West I’m most impressed with only a 10 minute wait for a table and they text you, even international numbers, when your tables ready. Typical though we want to spend some time at the bar whisky tasting and our tables ready. Good food, especially the Elk Chilli, and the Bourye is very tasty. Think I need a bottle. Lash out on a couple of small whisky glasses. Dine in the new West Wing and it’s so much quieter than the main dinning room.

Anna and Leon set off for Deer Valley. It really isn’t worth my while paying all that money for a few hours skiing so I ski PC.

Meet Wendy at lunch time and we walk back home after picking up a free Chocolate Birthday cake for Angela from the Christian centre – it’s massive.

Then Wendy and I are off to a Newcomers Club welcome event – free wine and nibbles. Sat Nav manages to loose us – joy. Meet quite a few new people and am approached about doing Leisure Bike rides for them in the summer.

We’re back home for 18:30 so it’s burgers and baked beans for tea, whilst we watch Question time with Nigel Farage. They really should make him Prime Minister, he’d be excellent at negotiating Brexit as he understands all the EU conniving and sleazy ways.

Ten pin bowling in the morning.

Lazy afternoon then dinner up at the hospital restaurant with Bob, Marilyn, Anna and Leon. Yes, can you believe it going to the hospital for dinner. Not the sort of thing you’d ever dream of in the UK, but food is good and hospital is awesome – I should know.

Take Anna and Leon to the gun range for some fun. Start off with a .22; 9mm Wilson combat; .44 magnum revolver; finish with an AR15. Wow that Magnum had a good kick.

Then it’s off to the Christian centre for everyone, I escape to Starbucks. Good job as they were two hours at the Christian Centre, I’d began to think they were all being baptised and taking holy orders.

Home for a quick change and then we’re off out to the Boneyard for dinner. It’s heaving. More crowded that muslims gyrating around the Kaba. Fortunately you can get alcohol to while away the hours while you wait for a table. A table that smaller than Jaspers TV table, on top of which we have to sit on these high chairs that give me altitude sickness and nose bleeds. Fall off one of them and you’d find yourself resting on a mortuary slab.

Overall a good meal, even if they did bring the starter out at the same time as the mains. But a few kind words from yours truly and that problem was soon rectified. And to be fair they did “Take care of the starter.”, which is American for “We’ve not charged you for it.”.

Met Hal, Carol and Angela at Miners camp. I did a run with them and then skied down with Anna to change her boots. All met up again for lunch – well chips for Angela – at Miners camp and then they all skied off to the Canyons.

I went home to get ready for yet another Apres ski party – BYOB. Had a good afternoon at the Apres ski, but really should avoid sin and stick to my “No drinking during the day.” commandment, because then I end up drinking in the evening.

Anna and Leons last night so we spend most of the evening chatting.

I’m off skiing early. Winds Anna up that I get to go off skiing and they’re going home.

Ski with Helens group. There’s been 14″ in the past 48 hour, 7′ of which fell overnight so we’re treated to an awesome powder day. Lot’s of powder, mogul and chopped up runs. Really makes you work. Awesome days skiing, we even get to stop for coffee.

Wendy picks me up at 13:00 and we take Anna and Leon down to the airport. Then I get the real treat of yet another trip to Costco, just to top up.

It’s our first quiet evening in for weeks – such a hectic social life out here, it’s awesome.

Another sunny day here in paradise and good snow. It’s my day to lead a ski group. Just 6 of us today. Ski until 13:00 and then it’s back home for me. Colder

Pass on Tipsy Tuesday daytime drinking. Instead go home and do some consultancy work on my CCTV checking software. Sadly I don’t really have the enthusiasm for it, but get started on it. After all it helps pay for the skiing.

In the evening we’ve been invited for dinner at Laurie and Mike. Don’t know them from Adam, they’re neighbours, Laurie popped round the other day and invited us. How friendly and typically American is that – no wonder we need a social secretary out here. Bloody hell we’ve lived in the same house in Belthorn for 40+ years and don’t think we’ve ever been to dinner with any of our neighbours – typically British. Have a greta evening with good company, food and wine.

Skiing on my own in the morning. It was forecast to be cold again – started off at 0 degrees, doesn’t sound too bad until you realise it was 0 Fahrenheit – thankfully it was sunny so not quite as cold as yesterday. Definitely a long john day though.

In the afternoon Bob and I toddle off to the gun range to perforated some cardboard. Have a choice of Bob’s 9mm automatic and his revolver. Pleased with my groupings, especially seem to do better on the big targets – perverse. You can tell we’re getting cocky as we move targets out to 30 feet.

Bob stays for dinner as he’s in bachelor mode this week.

Lazy morning and out on the slopes for 11:00. Ski and coffee until about 15:00. Queues aren’t too bad but the slopes are oh so busy. Snowing on and off all day.

Then it’s off to the quiz. Great they have a British question round. Sadly it’s all on the Royal Family – I wish the Americans would get their own King and then at least they’d stop obsessing about ours. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked will Charles ever be King, I’d be able to afford a place on Park Meadows. The latest, from the American conspiracy brigade, “was Mrs Simpson really a man?” No, and the CIA were not responsible for 911 and Aliens have not captured Elvis. Thankfully, even though they were Royal questions, we got all that round right, or else I don’t think we’d have been able to live it down.

Try some of the more pricey High West whiskies. You certainly get what you pay for.

Wendy’s managed to get a snow scraper from darling Darlene at the local Hertz. Trying to scrape off 14″of snow with a 4″ scraper is no fun.

Dinner in, on our own tonight for a change.

3″ new snow overnight and it’s snowing on and off all day.

Go bowling with the Newcomers club. What an abysmal performance on my part. I blame it on the noise from the club. Tenpin bowling in America is a real ear opener; plenty of noise; congratulations; high fives; screams of surprise or anguish. Different from the quiet reserve of English tenpin bowling. Think the American version more fun – especially if you have ear defenders.

Then I have to go wine and whisky shopping. Incredible as it may sound it so much more fun driving and shopping in a snow storm and Park City is so pleasant. Sadly can’t buy any Yipee Ki-yay. Seems it’s a summer whisky.

In the evening we’re off to the PCMSC bash and AGM. Great barbecue ribs and chicken, along with starter and apple crumble, of course with lashing of cholesterol (Cream – looked plastic to me). Good evening although oh so noisy.

You know when the countries gone to the dogs when the bartender (she) says “would you like a straw with your whisky”. She must have thought I was some sort of alcoholic. After I said “you have to be joking”, no apparently a lot of people do – perverts.

No skiing today it’s just too busy on a normal Saturday, never mind a Presidents week one. Off classic cross country skiing with Helen – only her second time. Certainly gets the old ticker going faster than a Jack rabbit on moonshine. Good aerobic exercise. Makes me hotter than a computer trying to divide by zero. Downhill skiing is so much easier.

Meet Wendy at the coffee shop, then it’s off down to George and Helens to try and fix their TV remote, oh and also a iPhone bluetooth connection. I think the manual for the remote must have been written by a dyslexic Chinese nerd. End up having to reset it and teaching it button by button. Would have been easier for a retarded chimp to have learnt the controls than that remote. But remember “nil carbon illigitmus” and “if at first you don’t succeed swear and give up”. Helen and Wendy seem to have lost the will to live and toddle off to the supermarket. Any excuse for their weekly merchandising fix.

Finally get the basics working which is more than I can say for my encounter with the Evil Empire (Microsoft) and iPhone blue.

Lazy ski day.

In the afternoon we go to an Apres Ski party at Jeri and Robs. Wow they have an awesome collection of Indian art from pottery, to woven basket and masks.

Quiet evening as we have to stay up until midnight’ish to pick Anna and Leon up at the airport. Amazing isn’t it these airports have park and wait areas with information boards that tell you when flight is en-route or ready to pick up passengers. How neat and clever is that and then they go and spoil it all with the usual stupidity and lack of common sense. At midnight all the flights that are due to arrive that day drop off the board even if they’re still en-route or not yet ready for pickup. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

Up to PCMR base with Anna and Leon. They pick up their skis and boots and then we head off and do a few runs. We meet Wendy for brown bag butties in the Legacy Lodge.

After lunch Wendy and I tootle off to the library and then walk home. I leave Anna and Leon to get some skiing in.

In the evening we’re all off down to the bowling alley with a load of friends, including Hal and Angela, for a couple of games followed by dinner at the Full House restaurant. A fun evening had by all.

Up and off skiing early as I’m leading the Leisure Ski Group. Four of us this week. We get our marching orders early and set off. Have a great morning skiing, good snow, coffee break as always. Manage to ski until 13:00. It’s pancake Day (Mardi Gras) so ski leaders get beads issued.

Wendy was volunteering at the Hospital so I go to Tipsy Tuesday – pass on the Margaritas.

In the evening we go down to the new Wholefoods (AKA Whole Pay Packet) Supermarket. Wendy’s orgasmic with excitement. No it’s not for shopping but a quiz. Can you believe have a pub quiz in a supermarket. Questions were very hard. Usual obsession with music rounds and dammed if we didn’t get the only Brit question wrong. “Queen Elizabeth is to Windsor as Henry 8th is to ????”. My answer “Hampton Court” as I immediately focused on Windsor Castle / place. Correct answer “Tudor”. We left early as we got fed up trying to decipher what the quizmaster was saying, mumbled the questions out as if he was chewing on a sticky toffee pudding. And no it wasn’t just our English ears, even our American friends struggled. There should have been bonus points just for hearing the question.

Up early and out skiing with Helen. Blue bird day and snow was pretty good. Awesome mornings skiing, gained loads of my confidence back, thanks to Helen. My skiing really seemed to come together, although still not as fast as I used to be, but who cares. Mountains are just so breathtaking.

Lazy afternoon and pick Wendy up from the Christian Centre at 16:00.

Off to the Blue Boar Inn with Bob and Marilyn for a Valentines day meal. Food, ambience, service and company was awesome. Not too expensive for the quality, would certainly go again for a special occasion. Smart move to take two of our own bottles of wine and pay the $15 corkage fee.

Yeah, 7 inches of snow overnight and it’s still coming down.

Lazy start to the day to let the snow clear, thankfully it doesn’t stop at 12:00, carries onto 17:00. We get 12″ go champagne powder in 24 hours. Good day skiing with just a few white outs at the top. Ski until 15:00 then go to the quiz.

Wendy wins the shout out at the quiz, so she gets a Helly Hensen backpack – good prize. Sadly we don’t win the quiz. That’s what you get when there’s only 4 of you in the team and as usual there’s a daunting excess of those inane music questions – whatever happened to good old quizes that used to have sensible topics like science, history, geography, literature etc.

Another awesome day here in paradise.

Lazy start to the day. Read the Times and get the depressing news from back home, makes me appreciate being here so much more. Do the crossword. Go ten pin bowling with a regular group from the Newcomers club, two games and shoes all for $6. Pop home to pick up my cross country skis. Do a 3K loop in the fresh snow dumped on us yesterday. Gorgeous sunshine; -5C; improved time by 25%; avoided any fall. Hardwork – wot no lift. Nip in the liquor store for a bottle of interesting Armagnac I’ve had my eye on and been lusting over, if it’s not up to my expectation of it Wendy can drown it in lemonade. Pop in supermarket for a free sushi sample. Wander over to Starbucks to get some more coffee – try a luscious sun dried Ethiopian Kayon Mountain Farm small lot reserve. Get a free sample of their Cafe Verona. Drive round to the Christian centre and drop the gas guzzler off for Wendy. I walk home in the fresh blue sky sunshine.

Then it’s dinner at Bob and Marilyn’s. Papa Murphy’s pizza. Made fresh in front of you and you cook at home – possibly even within my technical ability – awesome pizza and not expensive.

Blackout ski day. At least it’s on a super busy Saturday so not too bad.

We go to the Salt Lake Aquarium with Carol, Angela and Mitch. Not a bad little aquarium, 3 hours just enough for an 8 year old.

Then it’s a quiet evening in. Watch the L B Johnson biopic “All The Way”. Excellent and informative on the civil rights struggles of the 60’s. Makes you appreciate political compromise and dodgy dealing to achieve an end result.

Pick Randy up and go down to the gun range with his arsenal of weapons. .22 LR, 1911 .45 ACP and a ‘pistol’ AR15 compact platform 8″ Barrel with 300 Blackout ammunition – looks like an AR15 to my uncultured eyes. Have a great couple of hours, especially enjoy the .45 without a silencer. It makes sizeable holes on the target that you can so easily see. Quite pleased with my accuracy. Unlike last year when hitting the target was a minor miracle, with that .45 I can get some good groupings. Red dot sights on the .22 and AR15 are amazing. Especially love the grip safety on the 1911.

Think I’m getting nerdy.

Then pick Wendy up at the supermarket but alas she’s not ready so I have to adjourn to Starbucks – such a tough life.

Afternoon is an Apres ski party with PCMSC, at another one of these amazing homes around here.

14″ of snow overnight. Presidents day (bank holiday). Recipe for overcrowding. Takes the bus just under an hour, 30 minutes to do just 200 yards. End up being very un American and walking.

Slopes and lift lines are the worst I’ve seen. King Kong looks like an infection of flies slithering down, more skiers than muslims around the Kaba. My it’s cold – thankfully. Get a few runs in and a coffee. Now there’s first in that I get back to the locker after George.

Nip down to walmart for some ear defenders and targets.

In the evening Helen and George come round for dinner. What great company they are. Just never stop laughing and joking. And of course put the world of politics to right in just under 3 hours -not bad eh! Fantastic evening.

Given up on reporting the weather every day. You’ll all just have to imagine how freaky it is. I’ll let you know if there’s anything worth reporting, such as 6 foot of fresh snow.

Yeah, 3″ of snow overnight. It’s my first day to lead the leisure ski group, easy runs, no pressure and of course a stop for coffee. Have a group of 5 and we do a mixture of blues and greens. The fresh snow makes it best days skiing so far for me. Makes all the difference. Perhaps we could order 3″ every night from Amazon.

Wendy’s volunteering at the hospital, so it’s a quiet afternoon for me, get some French studying in.

Lazy evening catching up on “Peaky Blinders” what a great series, so glad we persevered.

Get out on the slopes for about 10:00 and have a leisurely morning skiing by myself. It’s still a mind game getting over my track record on breakages, so it’s quite relaxing to ski on my own along with some music. If I ski with friends then I either hold them back or I feel pressured into doing runs I’m not happy with. Think it’ll take a few weeks to get my head back together.

Walk round to the Christian centre to pick Wendy up and then we walk home in brilliant sunshine.

In the evening Hal and Carol come round for dinner. Hal’s looking good, being a ski instructor obviously agrees with him.

Lazy start to the day. Hit the slopes about 11:00 and ski through to 15:00. Can’t believe I get +9,000 feet in. Didn’t think I’d done that much.

Then it’s off to the quiz with friends. Sadly questions are very US biased – now there’s a surprise – well at least that’s our excuse. Can you believe we actually win – more hats and Starbucks cards. Pity about the beer in Legends bar, try both the Amber and the lager. You can tell how bad it is, pinckle water, I think I’ll drink tap water next week.

Busy day need a social secretary. Bowling in the morning while Wendy has her supermarket fix.

Then in the afternoon it’s shooting at the gun club with Bob and Marilyn and, wait for this, Wendy. Yes, Wendy gets her gun. Rent a .22. She does great once she’s got over the noise and the shock. I have a go with Bobs revolver, wow that’s got a kick.

Get a 30 day pass for the gun club, it’s good fun and something you can’t do in the Uk – I have to settle for my Sig Sauer P320 air pistol. No I will not be joining the NRA.

Then in the evening we’re off with Bob and Marilyn to a wine tasting with the Newcomers club down at Midway. A selection of 11 Spanish wines to try, along with punch and some great appetisers. The Spanish wines, in the $10 to 20 range, were quite pleasant, not the usual Spanish rot gut.

Took the day off skiing. Saturdays are getting too busy so won some browny points by going for a walk into town with Wendy. Then more excitement as we catch the electric bus down to Kimble junction. Pick up some targets at Walmart. Wow it’s snowing. Just great going for a walk in the snow. Bring it on. 10 foot would be great, not that I’m greedy.

Turns out we only get an inch of snow.

Bob and Marilyn come round for drinks and dinner in the evening. Melt in your mouth beef, but I notice that Wendy sneaked in vegetable and it’s not even Sunday – dodgy.

Lazy mornings skiing for me.

Then in the afternoon we go to an Apres ski party with PCMSC. Good fun, chatted with a lot of people, new and old friends. The only down side is I end up committing a grave sin of drinking, usually a full bottle of wine, before 17:00. Then of course I nod off through TV in the evening, but today I set a new record as I manage to stay awake until 23:00.

Up early and out skiing.

Then in the afternoon I’m Billy no mates as I go down to the gun range and try to puncture some cardboard. Must be getting a tad better as I get through 4 targets and a hundred rounds of 9mm. Not cheap, despite my 30 day pass, but it’s good fun and a touch of the forbidden fruit, it’s verboten in the UK. Somehow a water pistol or my Sig Sauer P320 air pistol is not quite so satisfying.

Up at the crack of sparrows and off to Manchester airport. The 40 minute drive takes 90 minutes with all the traffic, even at this time of the morning. How do people cope with this every day.

Upper class Virgin flight, courtesy of our air miles. As a result we get lounge access. Good job really as the Priority Pass lounge is full yet again. Wendy’s in luck, there’s 2 bottles of brandy in the lounge. That should be enough to wash her tablets down with. All we need now is snow.

Flight to JFK is awesome. Comfortable, with your own bed; great food; great wines, the Peach Canyon Zinfandel was the best I’ve ever tasted; great brandy – Outard; luscious vintage port; smooth single malts. This is the way to travel.

We’ve a 5 hour lay over at JFK, but fortunately get in the Virgin lounge, all very swish with awesome choice of food, drinks and cocktails – all free. Even has showers and a spa.

Arrive in Salt lake at 23:00 and can you believe it’s 51F.

Pick up my Hertz mobile should have been a medium sized. Get offered a superb choice of any car in the Presidents Circle stall. Pass on the giant 250 pickup truck – needed a step ladder to get in it – settle for a Ford Explorer 7 seater SUV. It probably drinks petrol but it’s a 4 wheel drive and we can probably sub let it over night to a family of 7.

Arrive at our home from home at about midnight – 25 hours door to door.

For my welcome to ski town, breakfast, cholesterol special of bacon, eggs, fluffy thick buttermilk pancakes drowned in maple syrup and boisson berry jam. Now I know I’m home.

Leave Wendy sorting out and configuring the home with all the things we’ve left in storage there, while I slope off for a spot of skiing. Worst year we’ve ever seen for snow, but at least on the groomers it’s not too bad. Take it easy as it’s a mind game, given my track record these past 3 years. It’s weird really. I know I can ski quite adequately, yet I need to get my head around it all and regain some come confidence.

Having a locker (share it with Helen and George) is great means I don’t have to lug my skis and boots up every day. Especially good because even though we have a car I’ll use the bus, it’s right outside our door, drops me off at the mountain and don’t have to struggle parking. Don’t think our American friends can quite understand us using the bus or worse still even walking.

Get home after lunch. Carol and Angela pop round to say hello and then I do my duty, gain some browny points, with a trip to the supermarket with Wendy.

To top the day off we both have an awesome Burrito from Chubasco’s. Now I know we’re home.

Up at the crack of sparrow and we’re in Costco for 08:50 to do our usual big shop. Back home for 11:00 in time for me to nip out and get a couple of hours skiing in.

Then we meet up with old friends (Bob, Marilyn, Helen and George) along with two new friends (Lynette and Glen) for a pub quiz in the Legacy Lounge.

Lazy start to the day.

Off down to Kimble to join the PC Newcomers for a couple of games of bowling. I’m really back on form with a score of 146, but then 2nd game is sub 100. Follow up with a Starbucks with Wendy and Helen. Then it’s back home, get changed and go cross country skiing. Try out my lavish, 2nd hand, $25 cross country skis. It must be about 4 years since I did this so have to take it easy. Takes a hour to do the 3 Km loop. The conditions are awful with ice, puddles and ski tracks that are worse than a drunks meandering. Not too good. Have to give it a few more go’s but they really need some more snow. Fortunately it’s free for us geriatrics.

In the evening Helen and George pick us up for a TGIF up at one of the luxury homes in Deer Valley. This home is awesome. How the other half live. Have a good evening with PCMSC crowd and a pleasant Zinfandel.

Set off for a mid morning ski. Lift lines are unbelievable as not only is it Saturday but the Canyons lifts are on a wind hold so they’ve all pilled up to PC. Too busy. Just do one run and abandon it. Nothing on in the evening so a quiet night in catching up on “Peaky Blinders”.

Skied in the morning.

In the afternoon we’re at a Super Bowl party at Bob and Marilyn’s. Awesome food – Mexican carnitas and some great spice. As usual didn’t fully comprehend the game but I’m gradually getting better. More adverts than posters at an islamic protest march. Amazing how there aren’t fewer injuries. Missed most of the half time show as we were eating dinner and quaffing wine.

Leisurely ski in the morning with Helen. Nice thing about skiing with Helen there is no pressure, she understands what it’s like to be a recovering broken bone skier.

Off to Bob and Marilyn’s for dinner, to finish off the leftovers from the Super Bowl party. Tasty carnitas again.

Lazy morning then we drive up to Siesta Key for a food and music festival. Parking’s a nightmare, free spaces rarer than a lap dancing bar in Tehran, so we park about a mile down the beach and walk back up the beach. As expected no American would risk life and limb walking this far.

It’s free music but food is greasy and expensive, although the paella looks enticing. We pass and just listen to the music and drink our water. My god it’s hot.

On the way home we call at Starbucks for afternoon tea and some cake to feed Wendy who is that hungry she could eat a grizzly bear fur sandwich.

Evenings just more Game of Thrones and Veep.

Decide on some culture today, set off to the Ringling museum in Sarasota. The art museums free on a Monday but we lash out and pay for the circus museum. They have an amazing miniature circus covers a massive area with amazing attention to detail. That along with circus memorabilia and some videos brings back memories of how good circuses used to be when we were kids. Sadly no more.

Then we have our exotic picnic by Sarasota bay. The gardens and grounds here are quite stunning. Oh how the rich lived.

Visit the art museum, much to Wendy’s disgust. I have to say the majority of the paintings in there are depressing. I wouldn’t even use them to wrap my chips in. There are some good photographic displays. One is particularly good on America and the War in the middle east.

In the evening we meet up with Pat and Steve, friends of Jerry and Diane, and have some drinks and an evening meal. Have a pleasant evening and it’s always good to meet up with new people, surprising the similarities between us all. Meet in an interesting sports bar, foods a tad basic and unlike most of these bars in the movies there’s no pole dancers. Now I love American junk fund, but come on fried Mac and cheese or fried Ravioli has to be the product of the mind of a degenerate chef. Try the fried Mac and Cheese, think I’ll stick with the original.

After our usual leisurely morning we have a great bike ride down the Legacy Trail. As I suspected we didn’t make it all the way to Sarasota. A whining numb bum struck after 7.5 miles, but at least that meant we did 15 miles, an improvement on last weeks 12 miles. Amazing isn’t it, I stop for a pee in the woods and within seconds the whole world turns up as two cars arrive in the most inaccessible two different places you can imagine – unbelievable. Perverts. Is there no peace, is nothing sacred anymore. With my luck it’s a wonder it wasn’t an American pipe band or the local cheer leaders out for a run.

On the way back we call in at the Daiquiri Raw Bar for some drinks. It’s happy hour so Wendy gets two Daiquiris for the price of one. She’s obviously taking this training to be an alcoholic very seriously as she asks for an extra shot of rum. The corruption of the English language continues unabated with “happy houring”.

While Wendy kindly packs I toddle off down to Siesta Key for a spot of kayaking.

Awesome morning kayaking around Siesta Key. Birds galore, including Ospreys and Herons, but best of all is a squadron of 16 pelicans coming into land on an island. They perch on trees and keep a suspicious eye on me. Alas no dolphins of manatees.

Hot and sunny as I contemplate that 48 hours from now we’ll be back in the frozen wastelands.

In the afternoon we have a stroll into town to maraud around the few shops there is. Wendy passes on a happy hour Daiquiri.

For my last supper here in Venice I get a real treat. It’s a dipped Chicago beef sandwich here at America’s equivalent of the greasy spoon cafe on steroids. Proper gourmet food, a cholesterol special. But never let it be said that I’m not into healthy eating as I only have it single dipped into mouth watering gravy, rather than the true epicureans double dipped.

The red neck bearded, toothless clientele of this place, look like they just escaped from the civil war in Georgia, seem delightful as they swill down pinkie water from heavy frozen fighting jars. I was tempted to open a discussion on the nats urine they serve over here labelled as beer, but prefer my front and back teeth the way they are.

Up and out by 09:30 for a drive back up to Orlando airport.

Apart from having to wait for the Virgin checkin to open, we’re TSA pre-checked and so it’s a pretty smooth process. Amazing, Virgin customer service score again. No indication what time check-in opens. There are staff there but can they be bothered serving. Keep everyone waiting without as much as a nod or bye your leave. Then suddenly there’s about 12 agents with nothing much to do. Does it never occur to them they could put a couple of staff on early and then add more later, plus little sign indicating what time check-in opens – wouldn’t stretch the budgets or common sense too far. Mind you the signs over the check-in desk said Emirates, that’ll confuse the punters and have them wandering around the airport looking for Virgin. Customer service as crap as ever.

Nice lounge as we’ve a long wait, but the booze helps pass the time. Sat on plane for two hours delay while they sort out paperwork and get a high tech solution like a dip stick to see how much fuel they have in their tanks! Food as appalling as ever. Thankfully my sleeping tablets and a few glasses of wine make the flight snore by. Although the woman sat next to me is a tad concerned when I nod off with a glass of red wine in my hand.

Land in Manchester about an hour late. Then it’s a cock up with the luggage as the cargo bay doors are frozen. I don’t believe it. Obviously Manchester being in the tropics this sort of thing never normally occurs.

Arrive home to snow in Belthorn.