Monthly Archives: November 2017

20171119 – Nature Parks; Goodbye Orlando; Christmas Light Parade


Sunday – hot and cloudy.

Our 4 bedroom VRBO home in Davenport – awesome.

As usual a lazy start to the day. Then as it’s forecast rain we decide to suffer the Outlet store shopping expedition for Kurt’s top today rather than later in the week.

Then Wendy notices her new toy is no longer showing the time when she raises her wrist. Check all the settings, but alas it’s still kaput. Oh well better pop down to the Mall and return it whilst we’re up here. 9 miles later we’re back at the Apple store. A very relaxed and laid back Apple guy tries, checks the settings and it still doesn’t work. He’s just about to replace the watch as faulty when he remembers Theatre Mode, which turns off the screen on wrist rise. Yes, sure enough Wendy must have caught the setting for this. Take it out of Theatre Mode and all is ok.

One of two lounges.

And the moral of that story is go check on the Internet before wasting time and petrol.

The evening’s spent with a few “Dark and Stormies” and more sex and nudity scenes from the Game of Thrones.

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Master bedroom.

Central Park A college student is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He saves the girl’s life, but the pit bull is killed in the process. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: “You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: “Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl” The man says: – “But I am not a New Yorker!” “Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: ‘Brave American saves life of little girl'” the policeman answers. “But I am not an American!” says the man. “Oh, what are you then? ” The man says: – “I am a Saudi !” The next day the newspapers says: “Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

Pool.

Three men want make a phone call from Hell to remind to their relatives about its harsh conditions Their Nationalities were American, Italian and Iraqi. So they decide to go to Devil who is the boss. So the American made a call and the Devil made him to pay 100 USD, then an Italian made a call and the Devil made him to pay 10 Euros on fact that Italy is less developed than that of USA. LASTLY an Iraqi made a call and the Devil made him to pay a cent. Both the American and Italian complain as it is not fair and the devil responded to them “The Iraqi call was a local call whereas your was an International call”

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I know we have problems with the existing clowns in office, but come on this is the guy who could be Prime Minister:

Kitchen.

WHERE DO I SIGN? Corbyn slammed during budget over ‘plan for interest free credit cards’

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn is being mocked on social media after appearing to suggest during the budget debate there should be a “credit card cap” to prevent people paying back more than they borrow, which would mean INTEREST-FREE lending.

Mr Corbyn discussed the “credit card cap” as he laid into the Tories over the Universal Credit benefits system and slammed credit card firms for raising people’s borrowing limits.

He said Labour if in power would “bring in a cap on credit cards so no one pays back more than they borrow.”

I don’t believe it. Well sadly I do.


Monday – hot and sunny.

Wekiva springs.

Lazy morning as usual and then we drive up to Wekiva Springs for a picnic and walk.

I thought so, we’ve been here before, back in 2010. It’s all very picturesque and the water is tempting for a swim – 72F apparently – but I give it a miss. Don’t see any gators in there. After lunch we go for a walk but it’s so boring and lifeless we head back after a mile. At last the Circle B Bar is teaming with life.

For a bit of variety we avoid the toll road on the way back and spot the Oakland Nature Reserve. Looks interesting so perhaps we’ll save that for another day.
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If, as all these dhimi Muslim apologist claim, Jihad means inner struggle then how come the Quran (4:95) exempts the disabled and elderly from Jihad?

In Arabic “jihad” means struggle.  In Islam it means holy war.

What a site just before you’re about to eat your lunch. Enough to put you off food and sex for life.

The Quran specifically exempts the disabled and elderly from Jihad (4:95), which would make no sense if the word is being used within the context of spiritual struggle. It is also unclear why Muhammad and his Quran would use graphic language, such as killing, smiting fingers and heads from the hands and necks of unbelievers if he were speaking of character development.

Some examples, of the many, from the quran:

Remember thy Lord inspired the angels (with the message): “I am with you:
give firmness to the Believers: I will instill terror into the hearts of the Unbelievers:
smite ye above their necks and smite all their finger-tips off them.” [Q. 8:12]

Slay the polytheists wherever you find them, and take them, and confine them, and lie in ambush for them everywhere. But if they repent and perform the prayer and pay the zakat, then set them free. God is All-forgiving, All-compassionate. [Q. 9:5]

Ideal place for Wendy’s swimming lesson!

Fight those who do not believe in God nor in the Last Day, who do not forbid what God and His Apostle have made forbidden, and who do not practice the religion of truth, of those who have been given the Book, until they pay the jizya out of hand and have been humbled. [Q. 9:29]

I shall continue to fight the unbelievers until they say: “There is no god but God,” if they make this pronouncement they shall be secured in their blood and property, unless taken for its price, and their reward shall be given by God.

Fighting is prescribed for you, and ye dislike it. But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not

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Just say merry Christmas and it’s just tough if they’re offended:

Mind you how anyone can be offended by being wished something merry just beggers believe


Tuesday – cool and rainy.

One of two dining areas.

Lazy morning and it’s raining on and off. By 14:00 it seems to have stopped and we’re chomping at the bit to go somewhere.

I have a plan. We drive down to Celebration; order one of those awesome looking stromboli’s; go for a power walk around the lake – gets the Exercise level up on our watches; have a leisurely starbucks sat in the rocking chairs, watching the lake go by; pick up my Stromboli; and go home. What an exciting life we lead.

The Stromboli is massive, packed with meat, pepperoni and cheese, with a great crust. Awesome. It’s an alcohol free night. Watch Game Of Thrones, can you believe there’s a whole episode with no nudity and sex. What is the World coming to, perhaps it’s time to give it up. We’ll soldier on and said we’ll endure the first season before making a final decision. Have to say it’s very good overall and you soon manage to put the crappy dungeons and dragons aspect of it behind you.
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Wednesday – hot and sunny.

Ready for a spot of hanky panky.

Lazy morning then off to Oakland Nature Reserve for a walk and hoping to see some wildlife. This is a lovely free nature reserve, but sadly hurricane Irma has destroyed part of the boardwalk down to the lake so we can’t do that. Have lunch on the deck their in some lovely old rocking chairs, all very pleasant. Feel like the Clampits. Don’t really get to see much wildlife apart from a randy Gopher Tortoise whose head starts bobbing up and down in a horny courtship display. Then a female arrives on the scene and before you know it he’s trying to mount her – who says you need to watch Game Of Thrones for exciting sex scenes. Sadly the females got a headache and kicks sand in his face.

Because gopher tortoises share their burrows with more than 350 other species they are referred to as a keystone species. The presence of gopher tortoises indicates whether a habitat is suitable not only for tortoises but other species, as well. Some of the species known to share their burrows include the Florida mouse, burrowing owl, gopher frog, and eastern indigo snake. As the primary burrow-builder in its ecosystem, the gopher tortoise is very important to maintaining the structure, composition and populations within an ecological community. Similar to the role of a keystone in an arch, an ecosystem may experience a dramatic shift if a keystone species is removed. Conversely, an increase in the number of tortoises is evidence of sufficient food and shelter for reproduction, and when the tortoises are thriving, so are many other species.

Emu at Oakland Nature preserve.

We then call in at Lake Louisa State Park and have a leisurely stroll down to the lake. Alas very little wildlife apart from a Gopher Tortoise crossing the road.

Call in at Public’s for some Turkey for our Thanksgiving Dinner tomorrow. We’re not bothering going out for dinner as usual, all the Disney places are booked up and the Marriotts – who usually do a great buffet – are just too far away. Plus we’re getting tight in our old age and somewhat begrudge $150 on an all you can eat buffet that only encourages you to eat more than you need – bloody hell if we carry on like this we’ll end up as some tree hugging, liberal, PC, Bed Wetter.

In the evening it’s more Game Of Thrones. We’ve survived season 1 and really enjoyed it – the sex scenes certainly help, but the intrigue and plotting makes for a great story line – so will be watching the rest of it.
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Portable speed hump.

Twenty members of the Moderate Party in Sweden have proposed the government deploys the armed forces in some of the country’s most dangerous no-go zones to combat “gang violence”.

Sweden is being overtaken by Islamic no-go zones. Moderate Party politician Mikael Cederbratt declared:

“It is absolutely necessary to do something, because these gangs are like cancerous tumours in our country, and it is urgent. My absolute belief is that we, the nation of Sweden, must declare war on criminal gangs.

Jihad Watch reported in June that authorities in Sweden have also admitted that large areas in the country are under Islamic rule and that 150,000 women there undergo FGM.

Sweden is reportedly on the verge of civil war due to its migrant crisis. Its National Police Commissioner, Dan Eliasson, spoke on national television and pleaded for assistance back in June, when he warned that Swedish police (80 percent of which want to quit their jobs) no longer could keep order. He pleaded for help from the military and from any “good force” that could help. Eliasson exclaimed: “Help us, help us!”

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2nd lounge

Library books which urge women to be submissive to their husbands and never refuse sex are among a dossier of misogynistic material inspectors have found in Islamic schools.

Ofsted has compiled a file of the worst examples of discrimination and sexism its inspectors encountered. The material includes excerpts from library books and children’s marked work which sanction domestic violence.

Among the worst examples was a book discovered in a school library entitled, “Women who deserve to go to hell” which said that it was wrong for wives to show “ingratitude to their husband” or “have tall ambitions”.

Ofsted said the material it collected was out of step with mainstream Muslim thinking and came from maintained schools as well as independent faith schools and unregistered schools.

Sadly what they don’t seem to appreciate is that this is not out of step with muslim thinking – go read the quran.


Thursday – hot and sunny.

Our Thanksgiving dinner, complete with Pecan pie for afters.

Thanksgiving Day here in the USA. Just another excuse to stuff yourselves with turkey and pie. A day when people are supposed to reflect on what they are thankful for. The most common answers seems to “Living in the greatest country in the World”. You have to give it to them for confidence and patriotism. Unlike us Brits who openly talk our country down and it’s almost considered racist to fly the Union Jack.

Lazy morning and then we set off to the Polynesian resort resort for a walk around the Disney World lagoon. The walk from the Polynesian to the Floridian is reckoned to be very picturesque. We’re told it’s a 37 minutes walk – very precise. Turns out more like 12 minutes, but there again Americans don’t walk a lot. We then enquire about walking to the Magic Kingdom. Alas we’re told we’ll get eaten by fast racing gators. There’s a nice path most of the way but we’d probably have to swim across a gator infested canal.

One of the themed kids bedrooms.

Never mind it’s plan B. It’s time for my treat, mono-rail to transit centre, then round trip ride on mono-rail to Epcot. It’s the nerd in me just loves riding the mono-rail, I’ll be mono-rail spotting next. Then we walk to the Polynesian.

In the evening we have our turkey dinner and an expensive bottle of Lahor Merlot from Paso Robles – one of my favourites, yes all of $12, exceeds my $10 limit. Dam me no, Wendy likes this wine and has a glass. This is not conducive to marital harmony, have to get back to the cheaper wines, which she usually turns her nose up at.
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Letter from the PC Bed Wetters to local schools:

Dear Headmaster,

2nd dining room.

Thank you for proposing a variety of fairytales as the basis for this year’s Christmas play. We regret to say we have concerns with all of them.

Sleeping Beauty
As discussed, there are consent issues over a prince kissing a sleeping princess. Moreover, as she has slept for 100 years, there are concerns that this is not an age-appropriate relationship.

Snow White
Where to start? Nobody wants to push an alt-right narrative in a multi-ethnic school environment. Additionally, quite apart from the clear themes of paternalist ableism, this story has a pro-huntsman narrative that our vegan pupils would be justified in considering a microaggression.

Hansel and Gretel
Littering. Also, the pushing of witches into ovens alarms the mother of Tabitha (4B), who can see auras. We also have safety concerns about the notion of an edible gingerbread cottage, particularly since asbestos was discovered in the gym block.

2nd master bedroom.

Jack and the Beanstalk
Quite apart from the celebration of male violence and discriminatory tropes about tall people, this story could encourage unsafe tree climbing. Having penned an alternative version in which a girl called Jane befriends the normal-sized inhabitants of a low shrubbery, we look forward to hearing from you.

Peter Pan
Apart from the obvious danger of kids attempting to fly and going off with strangers there’s the discrimination against the disabled with hookism to say nothing of the exploitation of threatened gator species.

Yours faithfully,
The Parent Council

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In case you were wondering the wife beating rules according to Islam:


Friday – cool and raining on and off.

This is what Black Fridays all about.

Black Friday – in the land of the mighty dollar when muppets trample other muppets for cheap goods mere hours after supposedly being “Thankful” for what they already have.

We decide to have a lazy day hunkered down whilst we pack. Avoid the chaos out there.

Joy of joys, it appears that the Apple store in Tampa has some iPhone X for store pickup and it just so happens we’re driving past Tampa for tomorrow morning. As my Mother would have said “you were meant to have it” – I don’t think she ever realised she was a dedicated Stoic. Order it for a 08:30 pickup today, knowing full well it will be tomorrow, but “computer doesn’t allow that…”. Actually turns out that the store will keep it for 21 days – unbelievable. With the excitement will I be able to sleep tonight?
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Red shouldered hawk.

Q: What is the difference between a Protestant woman and a Muslim woman? A: Protestant woman get stoned before they commit adultery.

Q: What do you call a hot Muslim girl? A: G-hottie!

Q: Why do Muslim extremists pray with their asses up in the air? A: They want to make it easier for Western troops to kick!

Q: What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism? A: No more jokes about the profit.

Ramadan, putting the slim, back into Muslim.

My friend once went to a strip club in Abu Dhabi and got thrown out after saying: “Show us your face”.

I try not to tell religious jokes to Muslims any more: half of them are crazy, and the ones with Uzis simply don’t get the joke.

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5 Reasons You Should Be AFRAID Of The EU


Saturday – hot and sunny.

Christmas parade in Venice.

Up, car loaded and out by 09:15. Apple store Tampa bound. Oh the excitement. Yes and there it is my new toy. As I want to ensure it’s unlocked and works with my 3 SIM I let them set it up and being the professional nerd test to make sure I can call and connect with mobile roaming. Yeah, it all works as promised. Lash out on a new case because surprise, surprise the old case doesn’t fit – Wendy buys it me for my Birthday.

Then it’s onwards down to Venice, that’s the one in Florida, in case anyones confused. Don’t want anyone asking how long it took to drive all the way to Italy – yes I know it sounds far fetched but we have been asked these ridiculous question before, several times, by geography masterminds, sadly always Americans!

Christmas parade in Venice.

Our new home exchange for the next 12 days. The homes lovely, spacious and comfortable. So much more homely and personable than your average VRBO. Talking of which I have to say the VRBO we’ve just spent 3 weeks in was awesome. They’d thought of absolutely everything; fantastic manual; everything you needed was there, including cots, high chair and even pushchairs; good location; clean and immaculate; everything in good condition; great themed bedrooms for the kids; nice pool; even installed a smart DNS and ROKU box to give access to UK TV. A real home from home. I would highly recommend it to anyone. Worth every penny. I really struggled to find anything to say “I don’t believe it”. The best I could come up with is the WIFI password was tortuous.

Venice is mostly on an island. It looks a lovely quaint old retirement community. Almost makes Lytham look like a Kindergarten.

Christmas parade in Venice.

Meet our hosts Judith and Joe who have kindly stayed to greet us and show us around the house before they set off. Always nice to meet your hosts, it’s a luxury we rarely have as we do few simultaneous exchanges.

There’s a Christmas parade this evening so it’s a quick dash to the supermarket, weaving our way around cordoned off streets.

Then we walk down the street to watch the Christmas light parade, all 2 hours of it. Sensible people have bought their “Deer Valley concert chairs” with them. After an hour Wendy’s whimpering about standing for so long. After 2 hours we head for home, the parades nearly finished. It’s bit like “Trick or Treat” on steroids as the kids just sit there – no exercise to burn off those sweetie calories – and the sweets are just handed to them. Best of all is the old geezer sat in front of us. Chomping away on his swag bag of sweets. He accosts everyone handing out sweets with his swag bag, a plastic carrier bag already brimming with goodies, that he thrust into their face of for his fair share of the booty. Any minute now I think he’s going to push the kid aside in a race to grab the spoils that fall on the road, fortunately he resists the temptation. A child at heart and judging by his proud stand to attention, with hat off and hand over heart when the flag passes I guess he may be a veteran and deserves them all.

Christmas parade in Venice.

Then this plonker drops his brand new iPhone. I don’t believe it. I’ve never drop my sacred device before. Thankfully we bought the case this morning so it helps it survive – no damage.
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American parades are just great. They love them and wherever we go we seem to bump into one. Whatever happened to parades in England? Afraid we’ll offend someone.

The best thing about this parades is that most floats and everyone is saying “Merry Christmas”. A few floats still persist with liberal lefty, PC, bed wetter phrase “Happy Holidays” – they obviously didn’t get President Trumps memo repealing Obamas “Happy Holidays” – but the vast majority have taken Trumps admonishment and returned to good old “Merry Christmas”

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What Pat Condell knows about Islam:

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20171112 – Relax; Breathe; It’s Oh So Quiet

Sunday – hot and sunny.

Animal Kingdom

Lazy morning and then we’re off to Animal Kingdom. Our last Disney ticket day so we might as well try and see the Rivers Of Light parade.

Rivers of Light show.

First stop a relaxing coffee at Starbucks, one of the few places where you don’t need a FastPass. Today’s record in Animal Kingdom is 175 minutes to go on the only ride we really wanted to do – Pandora. To quote my hero “I don’t believe it”. What’s more I don’t believe anyone is stupid enough to queue that long for a 5 minute ride.

Have a pleasant dinner of macaroni cheese and pulled pork. Will have to add this to our regular menus back home – see recipes.

Rivers of light:


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American Dad – Francine’s song Saudi Arabia worst place in the world

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What comedian sent me this. I’d rather lick piss off a nettle than sponsor that futtocking arse-mungel. If he ever gets into power then it’s time to pack our bags and head for North Korea.

Monday – hot and sunny.

Rivers of Light show.

Lazy do nothing day. Time to breathe and relax by the pool. It’s oh so quiet now they’ve all gone home.
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Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Circle B Bar reserve.

We’re off to the circle B bar reserve. Can you believe it’s free. No Disney marketing; no Disney animatronics or 3D; no queues; no rip off; no parking rip off fee; no extortionate entrance fee; no crowds or screaming rug rats; no need for a fast pass or a 170 minute wait to see the best that nature has to offer. Just the bipedal lesser spotted, camera and binoculars toting sweaty bird watchers, swinging their long telephoto, phallic extensions around, like some rampant teenager. Nature in all its glory with birds galore, bald eagle, herons, snakes and alligators. What more can you wish for.

Then it’s over to Disney Celebration for a relaxing Starbucks by the lake. This place really is like something out of the stepford wives. Having a relaxing Starbucks by the lake watching them decorate the Christmas tree. Yes, we know it’s only November, perhaps someone will inform the greedy gnomes on the 96th floor of the Disney marketing tower.

Circle B Bar

It’s like a California beach on steroids full of fashion obsessed yuppies strutting their stuff like peacocks on heat; with mobiles glued to their ear just in case the President should ring them; drink in hand to keep them hydrated; and the sickly grin of a smarmy, politically correct liberal. I add to the ambience by shuffling around with my Starbucks cup in hand like a true yank.

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Some oh so politically incorrect muslim jokes:

Q: How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite?
A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

Q: How does every Islamic joke start? A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What’s the difference between a Muslim and a vampire? A: At some point the vampire will stop being bloodthirsty.

Q: How does a Muslim close the door? A: Islams it.

Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Middle Eastern beauty contest? A: Me neither.

Q: What do you call a drunken Muslim? A: Mohammered.

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

Disney Celebration.

Lazy morning and then after lunch we’re off to Disney Springs, formerly Downtown Disney. Wow they’ve expanded it into a upmarket shopping area.

Another Starbucks moment down at Disney Springs while Wendy gets her retail therapy in the ginormous Disney store. Hopefully she can resist the picturesque Disney gift cards this time – subtle dig. Treat her to a new Tinkerbell necklace and ear rings for her birthday present. You can never have too many Tinkerbell necklaces.
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The Bobbit Worm just one of the many amazing creatures on Blue Planet 2.

Blue Planet 2 is amazing. If anyone doubts the science of evolution then watch this. Be amazed at the oh so many creatures with awesome evolved behaviour and tell me you still don’t believe in evolution.



Thursday – hot and sunny.

Wendy watching out.

Lazy morning trying to get synchronisation to work consistently using iCloud, Notes and iPhotos. I’m sure Apple’s caught the Microsoft virus of sloppy software.

Then we’re off down to the Boardwalk for lunch, well at least for Wendy. Try to book a meal for Thanksgiving no chance, you’d think they were “giving” it away. Have a pleasant stroll around and then set off for some excitement at the Florida Mall.

Yeah, Virgin Upper Class flight to New York booked. Park City here we come.

Wendy’s finally made her mind up about the Apple Watch, so I treat her to one in Rose Gold, for Christmas. She’s getting to be a real nerd these days.
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Friday – hot and sunny.

Kayaking in Winter Park. Alas no gators.

Off to Winter park for a 2 hour kayak trip. Wendy has a few hours to herself perusing the shops and having lunch with all the rich bitches. Ideal day for kayaking around the lakes and canals of Winter Park. Don’t get to see much wildlife though, apart from the lesser spotted spoilt rich bipeds bobbing in and out of their lake front mega mansions.

After kayaking we get to see this awesome hawk just hanging out in the car park. Then we have a stroll back into Winter Park for a relaxing Starbucks. Everything this week is so laid back and relaxing.

Awesome Red Shouldered Hawk in Winter Park.

Traffic on I4 is horrendous so we come back on a toll road. It’s just as bad. A one hour journey takes 2 hours. Quite interesting whiling away the time in a traffic jam with music; watching a women pluck her eyebrows; watch a hum dinger of a row, they’ll be in a divorce court tomorrow; and if all else fail, pick your nose.
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George Carlin on Americans:

Saturday – hot and sunny.

Wow just a lazy, relaxing, stay by the pool sort of day. You almost feel guilty for doing nothing but just enjoying the sun. Funny we never feel guilty doing nothing at home, amazing what a bit of sun can do.

Wendy has some excitement with her weekly shop.

More Game Of Thrones in the evening. Puppies complete with chapel hat pegs, nudity and sex every 10 minutes to keep your attention. No wonder it’s so popular. It’s also a tad blood thirsty. Despite the sex scenes I seem to be warming to it, even though Knights, dungeons and dragons is not really my scene. But there is a way of avoiding 80+ hours of viewing and get the sex scene essence of Game Of Thrones in just 16 minutes. Yes, Huffington Post have kindly produced the Perverts Guide To Game Of Thrones, a 16 minute compilation of all the sex scenes and nudity – click here: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/17/game-of-thrones-sex-scene_n_1601883.html.
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What Pat Condell knows about Islam: