20170208 – Oh No We Missed The Mountain Lion; Had To Settle For Two Moose.

Wednesday – warm and sunny.

Carol runs us back home and drops Wendy off at the Christian Centre and then we hit the slopes. Have a few runs together and then I get her to enjoy the day rather than sticking with me on the easy slopes. Meet up for coffee.

Wendy on the beach when we met in Newquay all them years ago.

What an awesome day, great weather and plenty of snow, although a bit crunchy. Still sticking with my “get my head back together” plan and enjoying the easy and flattering runs. A real confidence boost today. Skiings coming back together and so is fitness as I manage whole runs with no stops and no burnout. Very tempted to up the anti, but will stick with it for the week, got my 10 planned runs in.

Wow saw a sight rarer than a Mountain Lion sighting, as a scum boarder checked behind him before setting off. Amazing. Good job none of his mates saw him letting the side down. There’s hope yet.

Having a locker is great. No longer have to lug those heavy planks of wood up, but also have a comfortable locker room to change in.

After skiing walk down to the Christian Centre to pick Wendy up and walk home. She’s bought a bag of toys for all of $5. They weigh a ton as I lug them back home, like a knackered pack horse donkey, hotter than two hampsters farting in a wool sock in my artic gear, sweltering in the sun.

Lazy evening trying to stay awake.
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More crazy Utah laws

It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.

Birds have the right of way on all highways.

A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.

It is a felony to persistently tread on the cracks between paving stones on the sidewalk of a state highway.

Alcohol may not be sold during an emergency.

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Love him or hate him. Agree or disagree with him. One of the 52% for Brexit or the minority’s against it. Either way, surely you have to admit that Nigel Farage has helped achieve a momentous change in English history.

So why hasn’t he been made a lord? Especially when you consider all the corrupt, greedy, brown nosing arseholes and septic boils on the backside of humanity that have. It’s simple really, he just doesn’t fit in with the existing politically correct bunch of wimps, frightened of their own shadow and terrified to say what they really think. Just watch them on Question Time as they shit themselves when asked an awkward question and try and weasel out of it.

Shame on the political establishment.

Thursday – warm and cloudy.

Well my weight loss is going great. I won’t call it a diet as I’m eating normal and assisting the American wine industry. In just under 1 weeks lazy skiing I’ve lost 4lbs. Once I get in full swing skiing I’ll have to be careful walking over sewer grates in case I fall through. Perhaps need to increase the wine intake to slow down weight loss!

View from our balcony.

Lazy start to the day.

It’s 44F, like skiing on a slush puppy – spring skiing. Hard work. Don’t like. Just manage 5 runs before throwing my toys out the pram and going home. Mind you at least with 10 weeks here you can afford to be picky – did I really just say that? Where’s the obsessive, must ski all day every day me gone?
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Theresa May faces defeat in the House of Lords over the right of foreign nationals, from other European Union countries, to live and work in Britain after Brexit.

Those who arrived before the EU referendum last summer would be able to stay under an amendment to the article 50 bill tabled by the Liberal Democrats who are confident that they have the cross-party alliance needed to get it through.

What is it with lefty liberal multicultural appeasement monkeys, and middle class bed wetters, that can’t understand even the basics of negotiation. What a cracking idea, grant EU nationals the right to remain, proves how what liberal, bleeding heart, caring do gooders we are, and then the EU can stuff the Brits living in the EU, use them as a bargaining chip in the negotiations.

Anyone who votes for this should be exterminated. If this passes then we should abolish the house of Lords and ensure all liberal MP’s are committed to a loony ward.

What planet are these fools on?

Friday – driving snow.

Bloody hell it’s raining down here. Not doing the snow any good. Need fewer therms.

In Newquay when we were young and first met.

On my daily commute there’s some awesome wildlife as two Moose are just loitering around outside Jans on a busy corner. Alas no Mountain Lion sighting. Who knows perhaps the Bear will be back this year.

Still being slightly stupid when it comes to skiing, I set off for a few runs. At least it’s not a white out but the driving snow means it serious goggle skiing. They don’t have any wipers so visibility is confusing and it’s so warm that we’re still skiing on a giant slush puppy. After a few runs, enough to get me another “Stupid Skier” pin, common sense kicks in and I quit. Good news is despite my gear being drenched I’m cocooned in a warm dry shell thanks to my 10 year old jacket and new ski pants.

Spat me vitals, another days skiing compromised, feeling like a Dalek whose plan to conquer the world was frustrated by a staircase.

Call off at Starbucks to try another of their reserve coffees and buy a bag for home.

Wendy’s volunteering at the hospital. I very kindly meet her off the bus and we travel home together. Lazy afternoon and evening. Catch up on some UK TV.

Meanwhile feeling like banging my head against a wall as I try to understand how Trump’s Immigration ban has violated the constitution. It seems that there’s enough muddied waters to make a whole anti-trump parade of millionaire lawyers. I’d always thought having a written constitution, unlike ours based on past precedent, would make life easier and clearer.

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Peter Kay – Gypsys

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Just love the free bus system around here. It’s amazing. But no wonder this country has an excess adipose tissue problem. The bus stops are about every 10 feet so that the poor dears don’t have to walk too far.

Today took the blobby biscuit as 3 young lads had waited for the bus to ride just one stop rather than walk. I bet they’re the same ones who wait an age for a lift to go down just one flight. I wonder whether they just sit on the lift up and then down, rather than bothering to expend any energy skiing.

At this rate I think there’s a real danger Americans will evolve to be legless.

Saturday – cool and sunny.

Wow 13″ of the good stuff overnight. The World looks a heavenly place this morning – paradise.

Those gorgeous ski runs.

Set off to see Angela race on Nascar. Never seen lift queues like it. Takes me 45 minutes just to get to the top of Payday, and thats using the singles line. Angela bombs down Nascar, great little skier.

Snow pretty good but tough skiing with all that fresh powder. Very busy, frighteningly so in places. Too busy, too many queues, too many people. Spoils it.

Walk down to Chase and then meet Wendy at supermarket – well where else would you expect to find her.

Hal and Carol come round for dinner as Angela’s having her first sleep over and they’re unsure whether she’ll stay.
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Truck of Peace: New Year’s Resolution

Sunday – cool and sunny.

First really bluebird days since we’ve been here.

View from our back deck.

Up and out early to get Anna and Leon sorted with ski hire. Then a great days skiing. It nice and cold and they had 3″ of new snow overnight so the snows in pretty good, squeaky, condition.

I quit just after lunch time as Jere and Diana picked us up and took us to the Park City Mountain Sports Club (PCMSC) apres ski. It’s a bring an appetiser and own booze do at Bobs home. What massive awesome home they have. He has an amazing collection of baskets and Indian pottery. Finally get to pay our club dues, all of $25 a year. Money well spent. Have a great afternoon with plenty of nice food and much chit chat about skiing. Trump’s kept out of the polite conversation.
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America in all its big, brash, grand and excessive glory. Don’t we just love it. And not a nipple in site, but I’m sure there’s enough naked flesh to piss off the Muslim fundamentalists.

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Computer Sayings
Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all.

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.

I had a life once. Now I have a computer.

The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there’s no law against whacking them around a little.

Do files get embarrassed when they’re unzipped?

Monday – cool and sunny.

Up early for another great days skiing with Anna and Leon.

Bus stop on a very cold day.

Hal picks us up and takes us up to the mountain so we can use 6 of his buddy passes. What awesome friends we have.

Snows still in pretty good condition although some runs are a bit icy.

Meet up with Wendy for lunch and butties at PC base. Then I quit and make our way home, via the liquor store – need wine.
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Wiped out by an out of control SCUMBOARDER. Why do they allow these crazy, dangerous (they can only see one side), careless scrots on the mountain?

Wiped out by crazy scumboarder.

Wendy’s been taken out twice by these vermin and stoped skiing because of them.

While Trump’s got his pen out perhaps he could issue an executive order to deal with them. Here’s a few suggestions:

1 Scumboarders should, wherever possible, be confined to their own mountains where they can do the gene pool a favour by wiping themselves out.

2 Scumboarders should have to pay double as they are clearly a safety hazard, due to their blind side.

3 Scumboarders should have to go to the back of any queue until such time as ALL skiers have been loaded on the lift.

4 Scumboarders should never be allowed to ride on the same chair as a skier, they are a liability when unloading.

5 Scumboarders should not be allowed to undo one foot to deal with flat sections.

6 Scumboarders are totally incapable of looking behind them before setting off, so if they fall or stop they should be made to take their board off and walk the rest of the way down. This will also discourage them from taking a infestation (collective noun for a group of scumboarders) siesta across the middle of the slopes.

7 Scumboarders should be made to quote the skiers code, word perfect, before being sold a ticket.

8 Scumboarders who violate the skiers code should have their pass confiscated.

9 Scumboarders who crash into a skier should be banned for life. Their boards should be confiscated and turned into firewood or seats. If they crash into another scumboarder that’s ok. It will help reduce gene pool pollution and improve evolution.

10 Scumboarders who travel at more than 5 mph should have their pass confiscated.

11 Scumboarders equipment should have a 100% sales tax.

12 Scumboarders should not be allowed on the slopes on weekends or national holidays.

13 Scumboarders should have wing mirrors fitted to their compulsory helmets so that they can see their blind side.

Rant over. Good news is I’ve survived with just a bruise and learnt that I can fall without breaking anything.

Tuesday – cool and sunny.

Lazy start to the day. I don’t get up there until 11:00, letting the snow soften up.

Valentines day wishes.

Hals out on the mountain and gives me a ring to hook up (learnt that in my teach yourself American course). We meet up and I drag his skiing down to my level. Have a great morning skiing with him, he helps me regain some of the confidence I lost thanks to that crazy scumboarder yesterday.

Coffee on the beach outside Campos, enjoying the sun and putting the World to rights. What an awesome day; what awesome skiing; what an awesome life.

Drop my skis off for waxing. Don’t you just love it when people tell you they don’t need them sharpening, just waxing, even though they’ll get less revenue. Cole Sports, a no rip off shop.

Join Wendy, somewhat belatedly, for Tipsy Tuesday. Pass on the Margarhetas, a girls drink, but commit a sin and have a well deserved beer. Great free Nachos and Salsa.

National Ability Centre send out an urgent request for volunteers, I nip along and volunteer to do guiding from Sunday. They’re a great organisation and do such great job, they really do deserve support.
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Greatest George Carlin Quotes

The man who once said “life is worth losing” is dead. But his quotes live on. In no particular order here are his 101 best…

I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

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Pat Condell just dropped a truth bomb:

20170201 – Back To Paradise

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

This is the way to travel – Virgin Upper Class.

Escape at last, for 10 weeks skiing in paradise. Assuming I can avoid any major breaks.

Time for a drink at the bar.

So it’s goodbye remoaners, who are out to screw Brexit and the country. Goodbye liberal lefty PC stormtroopers. Goodbye to busy body marches – it’s nothing to do with you and is democracy in action. Goodbye to the hypocrisy on sensible border controls. Goodbye to endless futile petitions. Goodbye to toddler tantrums thrown by prissy and spoiled millennials.

You’ll not be missed.

Hopefully by the time we get back everyone will have calmed down and we’ll be on our way out of the Evil Union.

Wendy at the bar. Now there’s a surprise.

We escape in style as we fly Virgin Upper class Manchester to Atlanta. We upgraded with our air miles. What an amazing way to travel, but what silly prices. They tuck you up with a continental quilt and a brandy to drown the nightmares, but no bedtime stories and you can tell times are hard when there’s no onboard masseur or upper class chef.

Arrive in Park City 24 hours after leaving home but the luxury of the 9 hour flight certainly made the trip much easier. Sadly it’s back to cattle class from now on, at least until we amass enough air miles for an upgrade or accelerate the rate at which we fritter away of our kids inheritance – tempting.

Lounge in our new home for the next 10 weeks and then over the summer.

No comment on the usual screening / TSA crap. I think I need some tablets or a better surfboard wax to keep me on my virtual surfboard of life when encountering this nonsense. Just think of it. The so called World’s leading country, suffers all this through a few 7th century barbaric rag heads, and can’t come up with better scanners and solutions. Time for Trump to get his teeth into this senseless bloated job creation industry that’s got too big to ever be tackled.

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Computer sayings


Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.

I haven’t lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere.

I just wish some mouths had a backspace key.

Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat “what if?” questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.

Don’t explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.

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Kitchen and dining room.

Is it really a security threat if those travelling in cattle class use the toilets in upper class? Well I can tell you the seats the same size, they smell the same, you can splash your clogs the same, they flush the same and your fingers would go through the toilet paper the same.

No one has yet managed to explain why according to the federal aviation authority it’s a security threat.

Thursday – hot and sunny.

Master bedroom.

Our new home for the next 10 weeks is awesome – see pictures. Thanks to Janelle and Mike. It’s oh so comfortable, quality all round and well equipped. Feeling at home already.

Master bathroom.

Sadly no skiing as Wendy has to go for her drug test, needed if she wants to volunteer at the hospital. I ask you is it really likely a 68 year old Nanna is on anything stronger than Ovaltine? Then it’s the Costco experience to really excise our credit cards. To further enhance the days shopping extravaganza it’s the local supermarket. Wendy’s in her element. By this time I’m off to the liquor store for the essentials (wine, beer and brandy) and then I slink off to Starbucks, drowning my lost ski day sorrows in one of there selected coffees.

Well that’s it, from now on I’m allowed on the slopes.
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Just say “Merry Christmas”.

Let’s flaunt the Christmas word at every opportunity. If it offends you then tough shit.

Friday – hot and sunny.

2nd Bedroom.

My big debut day on the slopes. Yeah, I can still ski, so that’s a start. Must admit there’s quite a bit of trepidation, especially as I get off my nemesis, that dam lift, for the first time. I’m taking it easy on green runs for the first week as I try to get my head back together. I’m also not that fit. Well actually my dodgy leg is fine, no problem, exercises paid off, but my good leg is burning out and needs strengthening.

Stop for a well deserved coffee. I’ve been well and truly fleeced. $5.39 for a cup of coffee. Of course I have a few polite but caustic comments about greed and having a urine sample taken. “Ah but you can have free refills sir”. As if that makes any difference, although next time I’ll bring a flask and top it up. The young cashier tried to make me feel better by showing me how ridiculous a Burger, chips and coke were at $28.

Another bathroom.

An awesome first days skiing. Great weather, awesome snow and best of all I survived.

Wendy’s toddled off to the Christian Aid centre to volunteer on reception. Another day to keep her out of trouble. Pick her up from there and return the Hertz mobile. From now on we’re poor, have to make do with the bus and shank’s pony – very healthy.

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When your biscuits drown in your brew:

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Dismantling Europe – Merkel Her Migrants And What’s Incoming.

Saturday – hot and sunny.

3rd floor bedroom.

Start the day with a healthy breakfast of granola and red fruits. Oh the joys of eating healthy as I chomp down on a brick in my granola and a slab size portion of tooth comes off like a glacier calving. That’s what you get eating healthy. In future I’ll stick to buttermilk pancakes or waffles.

Being Saturday the dentists are all resting their weary laurels, such a hared job, so I’ll have to slice my tongue every few minutes and suffer until Monday.

Another en-suite bathroom.

Oh well time to hit the slopes.

Another great days skiing, even if it is only on the easy greens for now. I really should have done more all round ski exercises.

Evening we start on my free trial of HBO Now. They really seem to have a great selection and it works over a VPN from the UK.

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Truck of Peace: Election Special

Sunday – hot and sunny.

Given the traffic gridlock early yesterday I have a leisurely start to the day and set off around 11:00. Get a couple of hours awesome skiing in even if limited to the greens.

View from our lounge.

Meet Wendy for lunch at Jupiter Java. Surprise, surprise Eva, our favourite barista is there – she’d got a new job at Wells Fargo, is now studying accountancy at night school but still works here most Sundays as well. We get high fives and hugs all around. I hold Eva responsible for our destitution having introduced me to Dirty Chai’s, which now cost me a fortune at Starbucks.

Hot tub ready for the kids and snow pile ready to make an Igloo for Jasper.

Wendy sets off home on foot and I have another couple of hours skiing.

It’s weird this getting it back together on skis. I know I’m competent, and touch wood, hardly ever fall. My first broken femur was due to hitting too fast a mogul field I didn’t realise was there. My second was due to a witch from California stamping on my ski. Yet I’m still nervous. Im so much more aware of idiots around me who come to close. But, FSM forbid, even if I was confined to skiing just green slopes for ever it would still be the most awesome. It’s just so great to be out there and enjoy the mountains.

More HBO to drop off to. I blame the wine.

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My morning commute.

How friendly and kind Americans are. It is just so great to be back here amongst our American friends. They go out their way to be kind and helpful. Now I even have access to a ski storage locker at the base so I no longer need to lug skis backwards and forwards.

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A picture is worth a thousand words but it takes 3,000 times the disk space.

View from the dinning room.

If it draws blood, it’s hardware.

In God we trust, all others we virus scan.

Rebooting is a wonder drug — it fixes almost everything.

A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.

Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups.

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Happy New Year Liberals & Refugees: (Pat Condell)

Monday – hot and sunny.

View from the dentist chair. Fortunately it’s one way glass. How do I know? well given all the rude gestures and Agincourt salutes I’ve been giving to passers by, I’ve not had a single response.

Appointment with fear arranged for 11:00. Dentist even remembers me from last time 3 years ago. His advice is a crown as he doesn’t think a filling will last long. A mere $1,129, to think people moan about NHS. All very efficient from a cast of thousands.

Amazing isn’t it for the past 25 years or so I’ve had fillings and crowns without the needle and have never really had any pain, either during or after treatment. This is a big job so I opt for the needle, but pass on the laughing gas. The second injections more painful than anything in the past 25 years. I thought water boarding was illegal in the US, Despite Trump’s wishes, well this dentist doesn’t seem aware of that as he sprays water in my mouth, does a great job of near choking me. I’m in the torture chair for 90+ minutes, by which time the injections wearing off. And then to top it all the rest of the day I’m in pain from the pneumatic drill he’s used on me while fitting the temporary crown. In those 25 years I’ve never suffered any after pain like this.

Relax after a hard day on the slopes.

Joy I can come back in two weeks for fitting the proper Zirconium crown. Can hardly wait.

No trip to Kimble junction would be complete without Wendy sauntering in not one but two supermarkets. Treat her to a new girlie pink haversack – aren’t I kind.

Yeah, great news we’ve booked our flights for our Park City summer extravaganza. Yes, we escape for 10 weeks back to paradise.

Need copious bottles of medicinal wine tonight to overcome the pain.

A wasted day. No skiing.

Well apparently they closed the Interstate both ways because a herd of Elk have decided to take a stroll down it. Just love this country.

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Truck of Peace: Pussy Hat Spaz Fit

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Wendy’s choosen subject for Mastermind is the Park City transit system timetables. The infinite and intricate detail with which she plans a journey is amazing, but I do wish she’s just tell me which bus, where, when and skip telling me all the intricacies and alternative options.

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Well I tried to talk Helen out of skiing with me whilst I’m still taking it easy, but she’s a glutton for punishment.

Off to work.

We set off in a howling gale, snowing, flat light and powder drifts all over. You can hardly see where we’re going and after one run our gear is soaked. We both agree it’s time to call it a day, this is no fun. Assumedly we’ll get the “Stupid Skier Pin” for venturing out in such conditions. Good news is there’s no lift lines and hardly anyone out.

A white out – deserves a “Stupid Skier Pin”.

Helen and George share there locker with me. This is awesome as it means I won’t have to lug my skis up every day and there’s a pleasant locker room available.

Helen comes back to our place for a coffee, whilst waiting for George. Meanwhile Wendy’s tootled off to the hospital to sign up as a volunteer and complete her learning modules.

Police ring to let us know theres one of these beauties on the prowl – keep you dogs and cats in doors. Hope we get to see it.

Carol and Hal pick us up in the afternoon to take us back to their new home for dinner. It’s awesome, +5,000 square feet; enough bedrooms and bathrooms to house a hoard of refugees; fantastic views over the Timpanoga Mountains; nice and remote. We have a lovely dinner and then stay the night so they can drop us back in PC in the morning. By way of a change I help Hal assemble some bunk beds, enjoy it, really is my forte these days, needs to be as the instructions are about as much use as a PC with no screen.

Awesome American friends.
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Crazy Laws in Utah

Paradise. Not 70 buxom, perpetual virgins but at least there’s no need to blow yourself up.

It’s legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list.

It is considered an offense to hunt whales.

No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call.

It is against the law to fish from horseback.

It is illegal not to drink milk.

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Pat Condell, Just Dropped A TRUTH BOMB!