Monthly Archives: March 2018

20180320 – The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life, Without Skiing. How Will I Cope


Tuesday

Wendy at the Christian Centre, with Easter Baskets for the kids.

READER WARNING – this week’s blog is a Special Edition, going to be heavy into ranting about scumboarders. Once I’ve got it out my system normal tedium will be resumed next week. Well at least it’ll give the religion of pieces and permanent offence a rest.

Can’t believe I managed last evening with just one glass of wine. How restrained was that. Thought I’d be downing a bottle of High Wests finest whiskey.

Not too bad a nights sleep. A bit uncomfortable but not painful. Took one of my junky opiate tablets halfway through the night, which did the trick.
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Wendy at Christian Centre with Jean – she’s an absolute hoot. Has the best customer service skills I’ve ever encountered.

The first day of the rest of my life without skiing. I promised Wendy that if I had another trip to the ER room this season I’d give up skiing. Technically I’m ok as my wipeout didn’t need a trip to the ER but just the medical centre. But after 4 accident ridden years, 3 of which were “WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME”, perhaps it’s time to call it a day and hand my skis and gear into the Christian Centre.

With the threat of giving up skiing for life and even worse not being able to ski with Jasper hanging over me I’ve been ultra cautious. Turns out to be a complete waste of time. Might as well have carried on as normal and ignored the risks.

Anyway enough ultra analysis and feeling sorry for myself. Time to be grateful for all the great skiing I’ve had over the past 54 years and move on. Next big question is what am I going to every winter? Suggestions of coming out here and doing cross country really don’t appeal. The thought of being here, looking up at all those slopes I know so well, and not being able to ski is unbearable – at the moment. So what else:

1 Go to Florida and do some kayaking
2 Serious hiking – could do that in PC.
3 Long cruises, especially South America.
4 Cross country skiing – could do that in PC but I don’t think so, not really that exhilarating.
5 Snowshoeing – could do that in PC.

My alternative to those crazy junky tablets they’ve given me. Very effective.

Off to the hospital for a CT scan. That’s quick and painless, apart from the cost, amazing technology.

Then the rest of the day is a lazy cabin fever day. Better get used to them.

Carol and Angela pop round to commiserate. Hal, my guru, facetime’s me but is lost for words of advice on how to get back on the surfboard of life.

Bob and Marilyn come round for dinner in the evening. Bring an awesome bottle of High West Campfire whiskey for the invalid. Really no need but very, very gratefully received. My High West collection is now complete. After dinner we try a whiskey tasting from the High West range. Marilyn manages to retain her consistent ability to prefer the most expensive. Interesting though I sneak a glass of Glenfinich single malt which she also prefers and is a $40 bottle rather than $100.

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Typical scumboarders picnic or scumboard lesson.

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My last day skiing ever photos. Just to remind what an awesome last day it was.

Q. How do snowboarders introduce themselves?
A. “SORRY DUDE”

Q. What were the snowboarder’s last words?
A. DUDE, WATCH THIS!!!

Q. Why do snowboarders smell?
A. So blind people can hate them too.

Q. Whats the difference between a snowboarder and a vacuum cleaner?
A. One is a noisy scumsucker with a bag of air on it. The other is for cleaning your floor.

Q. How many snowboarders does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. 27. One to do it, eight to say they could do it better, and the rest to sit on the landing

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Sorry, just couldn’t resist at least one religious jibe. Just proves I’ve not gone completely gaga.


Wednesday

Last nights whiskey was so much more effective than them dam junky opiates. Perhaps you should be able to get whiskey or whisky on the NHS instead of traditional addictive pain killers.

Another lazy start to the day. At least I manage to get in the shower. A real work of art and achievement.

Off to see the sawbones in the afternoon.

Last day skiing.

Greeted by Jabba the Hut, the receptionist, well not really greeted, more like a smile hiding a grunted snarl. Asked to fill in yet another two page questionnaire that repeats most of the same questions I’ve filled in over the past few days. Joined up thinking obviously not for this century. I have they never heard of the simplicity of XML data exchange?

Finally get to see the sawbones who brings up my CT scan and shows me the damage. Amazing technology and detail. As well as the main fracture across and down my Tibia there’s bout 4 or 5 minor short fractures that look like tributaries to the Nile Delta. Considering the collision didn’t seem to hurt, it’s amazing how much damage this collision has done.

Anyway he’s consulted with an orthopaedic surgeon specialist and the good news is that they both agree there is no need to be carved up and bolted back together. The bad news is that I need to keep this much desired fashion accessory of a leg brace on for about 4 weeks, no load bearing for 6 weeks. Me senses another 1st class flight home. No exercises I can do to stop the knee tightening up but after 6 weeks need to go and see my physiotherapist.

Amazing even though you’re paying, ($140 with a 30% prompt payment discount) just like in England, you’re still kept waiting. Amazing he doesn’t even look at my leg, but I suppose when you think about it $140 for two expert opinions is not bad. An hour later and not even a mumbled apology.

In the evening Helen and George come round for dinner. A very entertaining evening putting the World to rights.
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The French are at it again. Unrest; strikes; protest marches, all because Macron’s trying to install a sense of economic reality on them. Good luck with that!


Thursday

Last day skiing.

Lazy morning for me while Wendy gets a small weekly shopping fix.

In the afternoon we hobble off to the pub quiz, with the usual gang of geriatrics. Really need some younger blood on our team to deal with the age biased questions. Not a spectacular result but we can always resort to the losers creed “It’s not the winning, it’s the taking part”.

Carol and Angela come round for dinner. It’s been one busy week for us, but these were all pre-planned, before my scumbaorder confrontation.
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Yes, I know that not every snowboarder is a scumboarder, but I’m tarring them all with the same brush. They’ve ruined Wendy’s skiing (2 wipeouts) and mine (2 wipeouts) so I think I’m justified and if you don’t agree or are offended, well tough. I don’t care. I want them all banned. Let’s face it the basic dynamics of scum boarding means they have a complete blind side and are dangerous.

You only have to watch a scumboarder class to realise that they’re trained from day 1 to ignore the common sense that is the skiers code.

1 They never, never look behind the them before setting off.

2 They take a rest spread out across the slopes, usually in a blind spot, so that you don’t see them until the last minute.

These are fundamental scumboarder skills that all instructors impart and should be sacked for.

Scumboarding should be banned. They are incompatible with civilised people. They are dangerous.

One suggestion is to deport all snowboarders to Cuba to live a life of no snow and to let skiers have the mountains back. Cuba is much too good a place to inflict scumboarders on them. Surely we could find some shit hole – I’m sure Donald could come up with a recommendation – little island for them, ideally with snows 365 days a year, but as flat as a pancake. Let them take up cross country shuffling around on their snowboards, with on poles of course.


Friday

Last day skiing.

Another lazy start to the day. A full day of cabin fever. You can tell it’s desperate as I spend time improving my French.

My 3 commandments of retirement don’t make days in very easy:

1 Never Sleep during the day.

2 Never drink during the day.

3 Never watch TV during the day.

But chance to improve my French; research AI; research Quantum computing; research the Bitchain. More importantly think about what I’m going to replace skiing with? What to do next winter?

In the evening we’re off round to Bob and Marilyn’s for dinner. Great Taco soup, and with plenty to spare, I get some to take home. Help fortify the cripple.
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This guy walks into a bar and says “Hey, you guys wanna hear a snowboard joke?” The bartender says, “I’m a snowboarder. The guy on your right is a snowboarder. Same with the guy on your left, and the guy behind you.” So the guy says, “OK. I’ll tell it a little more slowly then…”
 
Q. Three snowboarders are in a car. Who’s driving?
A. The police.

Q. What does a snowboard have in common with a vacuum cleaner?
A.They’re both usually attached to dirtbags.
 
Q. What is the difference between a snowboard instructor and a snowboard student?
A. Three days.
 
Q. What were the snowboarder’s last words?
A. “DUDE, WATCH THIS!!”

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Scumboarder wipes out skiers:


Saturday

Off up to the gun range with Joe. Very disappointed that they don’t have any targets with scumboarders on them. Manage ok on crutches, although give the AR15 we’d planned a miss for now. Probably appropriate considering it was “March For Our Lives” day. Get some good scores with Joes 9mm. Really like that gun, very similar to the Wilson combat – my favourite.

Last day skiing.

Wendy does an extra day’s volunteer at the CC.

Make a serious start on improving my French, sign up for Babbel.

The Wanderlust meeting is cancelled with just 4 hours notice, so I don’t have to do my Death By Powerpoint presentation on Home Exchange.

Wow, for tea just had the best Pastrami on Rye ever. Home made.

Quiet night in and manage to binge out with Victoria season 2 on our free Amazon Prime subscription.

Food for thought.

Which of the following would be the worse that your child could come home and admit to:

They’ve had their ear pierced.
They have a large, highly visible tattoo.
They have a giant hole in their ear lobe.
They have their nose pierced.
They are up the duff or have got someone up the duff.
They are going to join an extreme religious sect.
They want to become a muslim.
They want to change sex.
They are gay.
They’ve become a scumboarder.

For me anything would be better than a scumboarder in the family.
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Says it all.


Sunday

My friend Todd – safety patrol manager – has searched for employees and ski pass holders with the name Corbyn Fraig, Corbin Fraig, Corbyn Fraid or Corbin Fraid and come up with no matches. Looks like the scumboarder gave me a false name – now there’s a surprise. My fault. If I’d had my wits about me – difficult when you’ve just been wiped out – I’d have asked to photograph his ski pass or drivers licence. But then again if he gave a false name he’s hardly likely to let me photo genuine Id.

Last day skiing.

Lazy morning again, fighting cabin fever. Do some French studying – I hate grammar. Need to find some French films, who knows there might even be some good blue ones.

Evening we’re off to the cinema at the local library. Just $7 to see “The Post”. As you walked up to the cinema a blast of pop corn aroma hits you. They’re all there with giant plastic containers, carrier bags, brown bags and buckets of pop corn. Cracking good film all about the Pentagon papers and America’s cover up of the cock up that was Vietnam – so many young live lost due to political incompetence. Wish we had a First Amendment in the UK. Our free speech is in danger from the left wing fascist snowflakes.

What a cultural eye opener an American trip to cinema is. They clap and cheer throughout the film. fortunately there were no baddies so no booing. It’s amazing. No National Anthem though.

George and Helen drop us off at home, they stay for a drink and some political enlightenment. Another awesome evening.
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Difficult this one this week. But lets try and keep a sense of gratitude:

I’m still alive. This fracture is, hopefully, only a temporary disability. Unlike a lot of our friends I’ll still be able and fit enough to ski, should I so desire, or do similar activities. I’m not sat in a wheelchair, drooling and incontinent, in an old folks home. I still have the mind of a 16 year old, even if I’ve forgot a lot of things since I was 16. I’ve had 54 years of awesome skiing.

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4 snowboarders are sitting in a hot tub. All of a sudden, a condom floats to the top of the water. So one of the boarders asks… Who farted??

Q. What’s the difference between a snowboard instructor and God?
A. God doesn’t think he is a snowboard instructor.

Q. What’s the difference between a cactus and a snpwboarders jacket?
A. WITH THE CACTUS… THE PRICK IS ON THE OUTSIDE.

Q. What’s the difference between a snowboarder bum and a pizza pie?
A. THE PIZZA CAN ACTUALLY FEED A FAMILY OF FOUR

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Hmm….


Monday

Christian Centre volunteer.

OK so do I need my extreme weather jacket or my lightweight jacket for skiing today? Silly me, I forgot can’t ski no more.

Another lazy day. For a bit of excitement we have a ride out to Heber to see if they’ve got any cowboy style hats any cheaper than the one I’ve seen on Main Street. Nope. Call in and have a look at wheelchair rentals. Wendy thinks it would be a good idea so that we can get around more rather than dumping me with a bottle of wine and packet of crisps while they all go galavanting. The ignominy of it, being pushed around by your kids.

Call back on main street and get my hat for summer.

Awesome tea tonight with ribs and American baked beans.

Binge out on 4 episodes of Victoria.

OK, I think that’s enough, hopefully I’ve got scumboarders out of my system. But they should still be banned. Back to normal service tedium on the next blog.
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Not so sure this will go down well in down town Blackburn with all the perambulating slitted bin liners, but will be great in summer here in paradise.

Perhaps I’ve been a tad harsh on banning scumboarders. Perhaps we could find a compromise solution. Here goes with a more reasoned set of special rules for scumboarders:

1 All scum boards should be fitted with self destruct device that obliterates the scumboard and blow the goolies off the scumboarder if it exceeds 5MPH.

2 No scumboarder should be allowed on a lift with a skier.

3 No scumboarder should be allowed on a lift until ALL skiers have got on.

4 Any scumboarder found sat in the middle of a run, no matter what the reason, including a fall, should have their board chopped in half on the spot and ski pass confiscated.

5 Any scumboarder setting off without looking behind them or if there is a skier within 400 feet, should have their board chopped in half on the spot and ski pass confiscated.

6 Any scumboarder found more than 2″ in the air, should have their board chopped in half on the spot and ski pass confiscated.

7 Scumboarder passes should be 4 times the price of the corresponding ski pass.

8 Any scumboarder caught skiing within 400 feet of a skier, should have their board chopped in half on the spot and ski pass confiscated.

9 Any scumboarder caught swearing (skiers can swear at scumboarders); spitting; giving cheek or disrespect to a skier; wearing trousers where the waste belt is below their privates or walking like a chimpanzee that’s shit his nappy; scumboarding with a video camera, should have their board chopped in half on the spot and ski pass confiscated.

10 As they like their scum boards so much they should keep their feet locked onto them at all times, even when on the flat or getting on the lift, after all said and done skiers don’t keep unclipping their skis.

20180313 – Shit Happens Suck It Up; But If Scumboarders Were Banned There’d Be Less Shit


Tuesday

My daily commute. Awesome.

I’m leading a ski group. With the snow conditions – a choice of ice or a slush puppy – I’ve about as much enthusiasm as having to attend a rendition of Handel’s Messiah in a dinner suit. Fortunately most of my regulars seem to have the sam enthusiasm, so it’s just Helen and I. A lazy morning followed by much needed coffee

Wendy’s volunteering at the hospital so it’s a lazy afternoon.

A quiet night in for a change so catch up on some HBO. Really is too much to choose from.

Jasper is doing so well on his ski lessons. So looking forward to taking him to the top of the mountain.

 
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Wednesday

Very lazy morning skiing. Late start to allow the snow to warm up from it’s icy state and now it’s like skiing on a slush puppy. Nothing worse than that stop, go feeling as your skis suddenly slow down and nearly end up arse over ski tip. A bit of snow but nothing to get orgasmic about.

Wendy’s at the CC so I toddle off down to the gun club to perforate some more cardboard adorned with the “Weather Channels” image.

Bloody marvellous it manages to rain all afternoon but no snow. Fortunately the rain help hide my tears of frustration that there’s no snow. Dread to think of the carnage to the snow on the mountain.

Quiet night in watching HBO.
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How does a snowboarder introduce himself?
“Ohhhh, sorry dude!”

A  guy finds out he needs a brain transplant. The doctor proceeds to show him various brains. One brain, which belonged to a skier, cost $500. The other, which belonged to a boarder, cost $5,000. Perplexed, he asked about the price difference.
The doctor replied “Well, the boarder’s brain has never been used!”

How do you get a snowboarder off your porch?
Pay for the pizza.

What’s the difference between a snowboarder and a picnic table?
A picnic table can support a family.

What is the difference between an onion and a snowboard?
You don’t cry when you cut a snowboard in half!


Thursday

More scenes from my daily commute.

Yeah, at last it’s snowing. In the past week the US weather wizards have promised much and delivered little. They have all those Petaflops (what a nerd – 10 to 15 instructions per second) of computing power and still can’t get it right.

It snows on and off this morning and the geniuses on the mountain claim we’ve had 4″ in the past 12 hours but 0 in the past 24 hours. Go figure that out. To quote good old Ben Franklin “We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid”.

Wendy’s off to the hairdressers. I get to read Jasper, Kurt and Fiona a bedtime story, then I’m off skiing to see what this new snows like. Mind you looks like a whiteout up there so maybe I’ll just get to feel it as I bounce along.

Well crap a dead cat if it isn’t the worst snow ever in the USA. The new snow been compacted down as an ice like sheen on top of sheet ice from yesterdays rain. It’s awful to ski on. Perhaps it will be better higher up but that would still mean ski down on this frozen shit. One run and I give up. These conditions are a disaster waiting to happen. If I thought this was what skiing was going to be like for ever then I’d be off down to the Christian Centre, like jihadi late for a public square stoning, to donate ALL my ski gear.

Go home in a sulk.

Then it’s the quiz followed by a quiet night in.
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Don’t you just love scrot parents. A mummy scrot and her two little crotch droppings come to the quiz late and immediately start using the kids iPhone to get the answers. Mummy scrot sees no wrong in this and is a tad bemused when I point out the error of her cheating ways. What a lesson to teach your crotch droppings. And when she wins she has not a skerit of shame and brazenly collects their ill gotten gains – it’s like giving a dog a treat after it shits in your slippers.

Bet they were all scumboarders.

Yes, I know it’s only a game but what a life lesson to teach your kids. It’s a quiz, a game, for gods sake, not a tutorial in “how to search the Internet”.


Friday

Well apparently we had 4″ of snow yesterday, 2″ overnight. Tempting, as it’s a blue bird day, but after yesterdays ice rink I think a bit more snow is needed before I want to try it, so I’m off to bowling with the Newcomers.

Hilarious as one of the younger bowlers tries to get 6 geriatric bowlers to bowl league style – alternate between lanes. It’s just mayhem, about as hard as tryin’ to herd chickens, as us old dogs can’t grasp such complex new tricks. In the end she gives up and switches back to “Keep it simple” as we bowl on the same lane.

Followed by a Starbucks and then I’ve been condemned to go to the supermarket. Should have gone skiing.

In the evening we go down to Bronco Bills for a Mexican with Bob and Marilyn. Great food. Best Mexican we’ve had so far this season. Mind you for someone who thinks Taco Bells OK I don’t exactly have a high bar of expectations.
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Meanwhile that bunch of angry molecules bumping around in Westminster continue to sell us down the river. Appeasement never works.


Saturday

Off down to the gun range with Joe. Use his 9mm, very similar to the Wilson combat, good and solid, feels great in the hand and manage to shoot well with it. Best of all it’s only about $700, instead of the $3,600 for the Wilson combat.

Afternoon call in the liquor store while Wendy does a small shop ready for tonights soiree.

Friends and neighbours around for dinner and drinks. Introduce them to some of Utahs finest with High West Whiskey., that they’d never tried. Good food; good company; good wine; good whiskey. Really do think High West Double rye is one of their best and best of all its the cheapest.
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Is Islam a threat to the Jews?

Islam is a threat to Jews, because in all too many Islamic teachings and traditions, Jews are the villains of the piece. The Qur’an depicts the Jews as inveterately evil and bent on destroying the well-being of the Muslims. They are the strongest of all people in enmity toward the Muslims (5:82); being transformed into apes and pigs for breaking the Sabbath (2:63-65; 5:59-60; 7:166); and more. In line with this, Jews are threatened in Europe to an extent they have not been since the days of Hitler. And it’s getting worse by the day.


Sunday

More from my daily commute. What a tough life.

8″ new snow yesterday and 11″ the previous day so todays a great day to ski. Have a leisurely morning’s skiing. Great conditions.

Then in the afternoon it’s a St Patricks Day apres ski party.
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How lucky can you be having to ski every day and cope with this great social life.

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Monday

Little did I know this would be my last daily commute.

Gorgeous Bluebird day with good snow. Decide to have a lazy start, ski on my own day and pass on skiing with Helens group. Then I’m in the single line at Silverload for my first run and who is the exact foursome I get to share a six pack with but Helen. Meant to happen so I ski with Helens group. 2nd run our intrepid leader is taking us down Parleys. Not my cup of tea so I resort to plan A – ski by myself. Helen decides on Jonesys, says she prefer it but I try and dissuade her, please not to change on my behalf.

We all set off down Jonesys. I’m really enjoying a great run, bit of steeper terrain at the top and then the long easy finish. Like a good coffee with a full body bite to start with followed by a long mellow finish.

They should be banned.

So why have I related all this boring detail. Well just to prove that shit happens. Wrong place, wrong time, the story of my skiing these past four years. I’m coming straight down the last stretch and wham a scumboarder hits me from behind. I think I’m going to survive it but no he takes me out. I remember thinking I’ll fall on my left side. Well the rest is just a repeat. Skis don’t come off. Try to get up, but no I’m not going to be able to ski down.

Needless to say I have a few choice words to say to the scumboarder. Why me? Why when there’s a wide open space? Ed was skiing with me at the time and saw him come over the slight brow of the hill and then totally out of control into me.

Yet another sledge ride down to the medical centre. Xray shows a fracture in my Tibula. Despatched home with a brace on, yet another pair of crutches and told don’t put any weight on it. Expert says I need a C.T. scan to determine whether it’s stable enough or will need surgery.

Wrong place, wrong time, again. Absolutely nothing to do with skiing with Helen, or the litany of choices leading up to it. Who knows if I hadn’t skied with her I’d have probably been pushed off the ski lift by some drunken scumboarder.

Irony is I’ve had a real mind game going on getting over previous incidents. What really grates is that it wasn’t my fault or skill. I’ve been so cautious, taken it so easy, but I might as well have just skied Black Diamonds this year. At least if I’d have given the terror of Erika’s Gold a go. I would have had the satisfaction of it being all down to me.

Well that’s it I promised Wendy I’d give up skiing if anything else happened this year. It breaks my heart to give up, but 4 years in a row, I think is trying to tell me something. What makes me even madder is that I won’t get to ski with Jasper. He’s doing so well and after seeing the latest video of his skiing I was so looking forward to skiing with him.

So I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, remember SHIT HAPPENS, SUCK IT UP.

Time for some whiskey. Money can’t buy you happiness but it can buy whiskey and wine which makes you happy

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A WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME SAGA:

Long ago there was a famous Mistress in Bagdad who sent her slave to market to buy provisions and in a little while the slave came back, white and trembling, and said, ‘Mistress, just now when I was in the marketplace I was jostled by a woman in the crowd and when I turned I saw it was Death that jostled me.  She looked at me and made a threatening gesture,. Now, please Mistress lend me your horse, and I will ride away from this city and avoid my fate.  I will go to Samarra and there Death will not find me’.  The Mistress felt sorry for her favourite slave whom she loved and lent him her horse, and the slave mounted it, and he dug his spurs in its flanks and as fast as the horse could gallop he went.  Then the Mistress went down to the marketplace and she saw me standing in the crowd and she came to me and said, ‘Why did you make a threating gesture to my servant when you saw him this morning?’  ‘That was not a threatening gesture’, I said, ‘it was only a start of surprise.  I was astonished to see him in Bagdad, for I have an appointment with him. Tonight. In Samarra.’

20180306 – More Whiskey Tasting; More Skiing; Riverdance


Tuesday

Last of the great snow covered days.

Ski leader today for the Leisure Ski group groomed greens and blues with the all important break for coffee. Quite a big turnout, 8 of them. But what a group they were a bit like greedy starving eagle chicks all braying for regurgitated worms and attention every time we stopped. “Where are we going?”, “Which way?”, “Which lift?”, “Me”, “Me” and more “Me”. They were so busy braying for attention that they often didn’t hear where we were going. I’d stop, and when they’re altogether tell them, and then repeat it at the next stop, but no they just couldn’t wait for that. Overall a great blue bird days skiing, just a tad intense.

Wendy’s at the Hospital, volunteering.

In the evening we pick Bob and Marilyn up and go down to Cortana, a quaint little, draughty, Italian restaurant. Draught from the door was enough to freeze and blow the balls off a brass monkey. Food was pretty good but in future try and get a table at the rear, away from the draughty door.
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Wednesday

Coffee time.

Lazy morning skiing on my own. Awesome bluebird day. Snow’s a tad hard packed.

You do have to worry about people who ask you where you’re from and when you answer England they come out with trite phases like “cool”. Then in the next breath proceed to ask you if you know so and so who lives in Manchester. Just how many people do they think lives in our “little old country”?

Wendy’s at the Christian Centre all day.

Get a phone call from the kids to say there’s a leak in the garage. Looks like a cap off the hot water pipes comes off and it’s been spewing out hot water for god knows how long. Dread to think of the resulting gas and water bill. Garage is like a tropical rain forest with steam water dripping from the ceiling.

Perhaps this would be a better secretary bird!

Then to make matters even worse get a debt chasing email for payment of the remainder of my hospital bill from last April. Yes, good old Axa still not settled it and are now saying I’m not covered. More crap to deal with. Anything else to rain on my blue bird day.

In the afternoon I go down to the gun range, try out a Sig Sauer P238 and punch some holes in an Axa target. A dinky little 6 round automatic that fires 38 ammo. A real kick with that ammo from such a small gun. Finally get to master it. Very neat would easily fit in your pocket and with that ammo is pretty powerful.

Evening’s a quiet evening in watching TV.
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Just seen the ultimate scumboarder as she crawls across the slope like an arthritic tortoise with her scumboard dragging behind her. Pity they don’t all come down the slopes like this, that way there’d be no problem with them.


Thursday

Just seen one of these hurtling down the rod. Obviously an American White Jack Rabbit as it was on the right hand side.

Start the day with a call to Axa UK to resolve why this bill has not been paid. Lazy call centre scrot passes me over to Chicago who are dealing with the payment. 3 Chicago departments later, including the need to learn Spanish because some dago keeps say Hola, I’m transferred back to Axa UK’s Direct Line department. Only problem is I’m with Amex Platinum. Ring back in and get good old Dean, the bright spark whoops so keen to get me over to Chicago rather than take ownership of the problem. Tell him either take ownership of the problem or pass me through to a manager. Without even a by your leave he transfers me to who his manager. The first sentient human being I’ve spoken to in the past 75 minutes, he appears to have a brain, some drive and willing to show some customer care, enterprise and take ownership of the problem. He can’t see why they’ve refused the claim. Mind you even he admits his call centre staff are generally useless and as to dealing with Chicago it will take hime days. By now I’m totally frazzled, ready to go on a rampage with an AR15 in the Axa call centre. If I wasn’t driving I’d have a good slug of High West Double Rye.

Another blue bird day but with a difference. Pick Helen up and we go cross country skiing with the PCMSC. Hard work. 90 minutes and didn’t find a single lift. No coffee – uncivilised. Unfortunately I’m the only light bulb changer (male) amongst about 20 women, most of whom are good cross country skiers.

Wendy’s latest creation.

After 90 minutes I’m knackered and ready for a beer.

Wendy joins us all for a noisy lunch at the Jeremy Ranch Golf Club. Enjoy a pretty awesome Reubens and because the tap water tastes like cardboard have to resort to a couple of pints of Pilsner. I really shouldn’t break my 1st Commandment – “Don’t drink during the day”.

A great night out with Jere and Diane and friends, dinner, wine and bourbon then off to see “The Ventures”. Never heard of them before but have heard so much of their music. Powerful and awesome live. I wonder whether the Shadows were as awesome live?
Then end to another perfect day here in paradise with a nightcap of High West’s rare “Midwinter Nights Dram” at Butchers bar.
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On International Women’s day what words of enlightenment, what divine guidance does the Quran give on this issue?

Liberated women of the religion of pieces and permanent offence.

The Qur’an teaches that men are superior to women and should beat those from whom they “fear disobedience”: “Men have authority over women because Allah has made the one superior to the other, and because they spend their wealth to maintain them. Good women are obedient. They guard their unseen parts because Allah has guarded them. As for those from whom you fear disobedience, admonish them and send them to beds apart and beat them.” — Qur’an 4:34

The Qur’an likens a woman to a field (tilth), to be used by a man as he wills: “Your women are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth as you will” — Qur’an 2:223

It declares that a woman’s testimony is worth half that of a man: “Get two witnesses, out of your own men, and if there are not two men, then a man and two women, such as you choose, for witnesses, so that if one of them errs, the other can remind her” — Qur’an 2:282

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No wonder everyone in America wanders around with sunglasses on, It’s them dam American teeth. Pearly white teeth, brighter than the midday sun. What is this perverted obsession with blinding white teeth? At least today I encountered an American on the lift whose teeth were worse than a manky sharks teeth. Best of all he smelt like he’d drank a whole days output of the high west distillery, enough to get me a SkiUI conviction.


Friday

Hmm.. Not sure whether this would gone down well in downtown Blackburn?

Pass on bowling today and go for a leisurely ski on a blue bird day. Much too warm. Cruelty to snow.

Lazy afternoon as Wendy’s at the CC.

Pass on the TGIF and have a quiet evening in for a change.
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“We are all born ignorant, but one mustwork hard to remain stupid”  Ben Franklin

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What is it with the US mobile phone system. You can never hear anyone on a call. All calls start with “Can you hear me?”, “yes, I can hear you. Can you hear me?. This standard salutation then get’s repeated about 4 times, like an extract from the Halle Luyah chorus, before you finally get down to the conversation. Then someone ignites a long lasting firecracker on the line to ensure we can’t understand a syllable. By which time my nerves are frazzled and I’ve lost the will to live never mind talk to anyone. Then to top it all you find that the sound quality is so degraded that it would be simpler to use two tin cans linked by string or resort to smoke signals.

Sadly not a patch on the UK technology – probably get deported for criticising anything bigger and better.


Saturday

Whiskey tasting, yet again.

It’s a lovely sunny morning, too warm really, so we both catch the bus into Main Street for a stroll and walk back home – get some exercise to compensate for skipping skiing. Saturdays are way too busy and full of rug rats.

High West distillery.

In the afternoon Bob and Marilyn pick us up and we go on a tour of the High West Whiskey Distillery. Tours only 30 minutes but interesting and best of all followed by a whiskey tasting session. Get to try their very rare “Light Whiskey”, oh so smooth and expensive. Wendy treats me to a bottle for our Wedding anniversary. Also get a bottle of their Bourye that I’ve been promising myself – so much cheaper to drink these at home than in a bar.

Wendy drives Marilyn’s car home, she’s the only one who’s not drinking – doesn’t like whiskey.

Awesome rare whiskey – wedding anniversary gift from Wendy.

Go to Full House (that’s the name of the place) for dinner.

Then Wendy and Marilyn go off to the Eccles centre to See Riverdance – free tickets from Lorraine and Wally at the CC. Not my glass of whiskey, so I stay home and watch “Heartbreak Ridge”, an all American hero classic with Clint Eastwood. Also check out the Light Whiskey and Bourye I’ve just bought – they’re fine, not “corked” or gone off in the bottle. Perfect end to yet another perfect day here in paradise.
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Sunday

High West distillery.

Lazy start to the day. Toddle off up to PC for a few ski runs and coffee. Awesome bluebird day yet again, but I’m distraught at snow melt. Bloody climate change, I wouldn’t mind I’m doing my bit by catching the free bus every day to the ski slopes rather than burning a gallon of petrol in my all american gas guzzler. And what thanks do I get for this supreme sacrifice? None. Instead the snows melting.

Chat to some folks from Kansas on the lift> The best they can come up with as reason to visit Kansas is they have great barbecues. Sad.

Awesome view from Apres ski hosts back garden.

In the afternoon we’re off to an Apres ski party. What an awesome view of the mountains, there is from the home.

Really hate this afternoon drinking, but I suffer it to be sociable. Problem is I then fall asleep in the evening with the usual risk of smashed wine glasses. Fortunately Wendy’s sorted that issue with some stemless – low centre of gravity – wine glasses from the CC.

It appears that 50% of my blog readers (Diane) thinks that my blogs mellowing. Well crap a dead cat, I’m swivel eyed with that news. Looks like I need more whiskey and wine whilst writing my blog. Promise to do better.
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Awesome.

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Some reaction to Trump becoming “your President”.

Why do people keep apologising to us for Trump. It seems that they must all be foreigners, have abandoned their US citizenship or undocumented aliens, as they always point out “He’s not our president”.


Monday

More from the High West.

Lazy ski morning, give the snow time to warm up. Had the luxury of a lift to PCMR base as Wendy off shopping with Marilyn – sounds expensive. No doubt it’ll cost me dearly with the “bargains” she encounters. Sadly too late a start to ski with Helens group. Devastated when she ski’s past me without so much as a heckle to “get a move on”. Snow’s either icy or a slush puppy. Too warm, just like spring skiing.

At one stage in the morning I think I’m back skiing in Europe as I watch this blond trollop crawl under the rope in order to improve her position in the lift line by 1 person – she’s off er rocker, as mad as box of frogs.

In the evening we’re off round to Bob and Marilyn’s for dinner. Good Italian food (eggplant parmesan courtesy of Bob and his Mothers family recipe), good wine and good company.

Prayers go out to Chione for some snow.

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Whatever has happened to Syeten? Have they finally been silenced by the snowflakes in the PC brigade, who are out to destroy free speech? We really do need to start worrying about the curtailment of free speech. From the left wing do good nazis. One day we’ll wake up, too late, and find its gone.

20180227 – Skiing; 44 Magnums; AR15; Whiskey Tasting


Tuesday

Ski runs.

I lead my leisure ski group in the morning. Hal joins us and gives some lessons to the group, that goes down a treat.

Anna and León were late up so we planned to meet them at our coffee break, but we broke for coffee a tad late so missed them.

Had a good morning skiing with the group.

Lazy afternoon, Wendy has the car at the hospital.

In the evening we all drive over to Heber for dinner with Hal and Carol. Have a lovely meal of Raclet – Wendy wants one of the Raclet cookers – it’s such a sociable meal as you all cook your own cheese and chat, while the steak and shrimps cook on the hot stone.
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Wednesday

Bourbon tasting.

Go up skiing with Anna and Leon. Catch the Quick Silver gondola over to the Canyons. I ski a few runs with them, especially Copperhead – one of my favourites over there. Then leave them to ski the rest of the canyons whilst I make my way back to PC. Have an awesome mornings skiing. Best and most vertical – 17,000 feet – this season. Snow was excellent and good weather.

Lazy afternoon. Pick Wendy up at the Christian centre.

Anna’s on her 3rd pair of boots and still suffering cold feet as well as uncomfortable boots.

In the evening we catch the bus dow to the High West Saloon for whisky tasting and dinner.

At the High West I’m most impressed with only a 10 minute wait for a table and they text you, even international numbers, when your tables ready. Typical though we want to spend some time at the bar whisky tasting and our tables ready. Good food, especially the Elk Chilli, and the Bourye is very tasty. Think I need a bottle. Lash out on a couple of small whisky glasses. Dine in the new West Wing and it’s so much quieter than the main dinning room.
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Thursday

The Colony at the Canyons – more 10, 10, 10 homes that is 10,000 square feet, $10 million to buy; 10 days occupancy per year)

Anna and Leon set off for Deer Valley. It really isn’t worth my while paying all that money for a few hours skiing so I ski PC.

Meet Wendy at lunch time and we walk back home after picking up a free Chocolate Birthday cake for Angela from the Christian centre – it’s massive.

Then Wendy and I are off to a Newcomers Club welcome event – free wine and nibbles. Sat Nav manages to loose us – joy. Meet quite a few new people and am approached about doing Leisure Bike rides for them in the summer.

We’re back home for 18:30 so it’s burgers and baked beans for tea, whilst we watch Question time with Nigel Farage. They really should make him Prime Minister, he’d be excellent at negotiating Brexit as he understands all the EU conniving and sleazy ways.

Friday

Canyons.

Ten pin bowling in the morning.

Lazy afternoon then dinner up at the hospital restaurant with Bob, Marilyn, Anna and Leon. Yes, can you believe it going to the hospital for dinner. Not the sort of thing you’d ever dream of in the UK, but food is good and hospital is awesome – I should know.

Saturday

Another excellent Rye Whisky.

Take Anna and Leon to the gun range for some fun. Start off with a .22; 9mm Wilson combat; .44 magnum revolver; finish with an AR15. Wow that Magnum had a good kick.

Then it’s off to the Christian centre for everyone, I escape to Starbucks. Good job as they were two hours at the Christian Centre, I’d began to think they were all being baptised and taking holy orders.

Home for a quick change and then we’re off out to the Boneyard for dinner. It’s heaving. More crowded that muslims gyrating around the Kaba. Fortunately you can get alcohol to while away the hours while you wait for a table. A table that smaller than Jaspers TV table, on top of which we have to sit on these high chairs that give me altitude sickness and nose bleeds. Fall off one of them and you’d find yourself resting on a mortuary slab.

Overall a good meal, even if they did bring the starter out at the same time as the mains. But a few kind words from yours truly and that problem was soon rectified. And to be fair they did “Take care of the starter.”, which is American for “We’ve not charged you for it.”.
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Why is islam, jihad and sharia a threat to Gays?

Islam is a threat to gays, because it mandates a death penalty for homosexuals that is not, unlike the one in the Old Testament, essentially a dead letter today: states that enforce the fullness of Islamic law today, including Iran and Saudi Arabia, routinely put gays to death, and as the Islamic State’s short-lived caliphate in Iraq and Syria demonstrated anew, whenever Islamic hardliners determine to implement the fullness of Islamic law, this death penalty reappears.


Sunday

Met Hal, Carol and Angela at Miners camp. I did a run with them and then skied down with Anna to change her boots. All met up again for lunch – well chips for Angela – at Miners camp and then they all skied off to the Canyons.

I went home to get ready for yet another Apres ski party – BYOB. Had a good afternoon at the Apres ski, but really should avoid sin and stick to my “No drinking during the day.” commandment, because then I end up drinking in the evening.

Anna and Leons last night so we spend most of the evening chatting.
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Monday

I’m off skiing early. Winds Anna up that I get to go off skiing and they’re going home.

Ski with Helens group. There’s been 14″ in the past 48 hour, 7′ of which fell overnight so we’re treated to an awesome powder day. Lot’s of powder, mogul and chopped up runs. Really makes you work. Awesome days skiing, we even get to stop for coffee.

Wendy picks me up at 13:00 and we take Anna and Leon down to the airport. Then I get the real treat of yet another trip to Costco, just to top up.

It’s our first quiet evening in for weeks – such a hectic social life out here, it’s awesome.
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20180220 – Skiing, Drinking, Dining and Bowling; A Hard Life


Tuesday

Summit House at 9,250 feet.


Another sunny day here in paradise and good snow. It’s my day to lead a ski group. Just 6 of us today. Ski until 13:00 and then it’s back home for me. Colder

Pass on Tipsy Tuesday daytime drinking. Instead go home and do some consultancy work on my CCTV checking software. Sadly I don’t really have the enthusiasm for it, but get started on it. After all it helps pay for the skiing.

In the evening we’ve been invited for dinner at Laurie and Mike. Don’t know them from Adam, they’re neighbours, Laurie popped round the other day and invited us. How friendly and typically American is that – no wonder we need a social secretary out here. Bloody hell we’ve lived in the same house in Belthorn for 40+ years and don’t think we’ve ever been to dinner with any of our neighbours – typically British. Have a greta evening with good company, food and wine.
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Wednesday

Kings Crown – awesome run.

Skiing on my own in the morning. It was forecast to be cold again – started off at 0 degrees, doesn’t sound too bad until you realise it was 0 Fahrenheit – thankfully it was sunny so not quite as cold as yesterday. Definitely a long john day though.

In the afternoon Bob and I toddle off to the gun range to perforated some cardboard. Have a choice of Bob’s 9mm automatic and his revolver. Pleased with my groupings, especially seem to do better on the big targets – perverse. You can tell we’re getting cocky as we move targets out to 30 feet.

Bob stays for dinner as he’s in bachelor mode this week.
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Blobby in pyjamas at Starbucks.

Obviously escaped from Walmart and not only too bone idle to get dressed but also needs to park in a disabled slot to avoid having to walk an extra 10 feet. Good to see America has it’s fair share of lazy disabled imposters.


Thursday

More Kings Crown

Lazy morning and out on the slopes for 11:00. Ski and coffee until about 15:00. Queues aren’t too bad but the slopes are oh so busy. Snowing on and off all day.

Then it’s off to the quiz. Great they have a British question round. Sadly it’s all on the Royal Family – I wish the Americans would get their own King and then at least they’d stop obsessing about ours. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked will Charles ever be King, I’d be able to afford a place on Park Meadows. The latest, from the American conspiracy brigade, “was Mrs Simpson really a man?” No, and the CIA were not responsible for 911 and Aliens have not captured Elvis. Thankfully, even though they were Royal questions, we got all that round right, or else I don’t think we’d have been able to live it down.

Try some of the more pricey High West whiskies. You certainly get what you pay for.

Wendy’s managed to get a snow scraper from darling Darlene at the local Hertz. Trying to scrape off 14″of snow with a 4″ scraper is no fun.

Dinner in, on our own tonight for a change.
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Don’t you just love to see women in the restaurant at lunch time, steam coming from their stark naked feet, and then picking their feet, like a demented unemployed chiropodist. Thankfully they resisted, way too fat, putting their feet in their mouths to bite their toenails. Just what you need to put you off your $30 cholesterol special burger and chips.

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Friday

3″ new snow overnight and it’s snowing on and off all day.

Go bowling with the Newcomers club. What an abysmal performance on my part. I blame it on the noise from the club. Tenpin bowling in America is a real ear opener; plenty of noise; congratulations; high fives; screams of surprise or anguish. Different from the quiet reserve of English tenpin bowling. Think the American version more fun – especially if you have ear defenders.

Then I have to go wine and whisky shopping. Incredible as it may sound it so much more fun driving and shopping in a snow storm and Park City is so pleasant. Sadly can’t buy any Yipee Ki-yay. Seems it’s a summer whisky.

In the evening we’re off to the PCMSC bash and AGM. Great barbecue ribs and chicken, along with starter and apple crumble, of course with lashing of cholesterol (Cream – looked plastic to me). Good evening although oh so noisy.

You know when the countries gone to the dogs when the bartender (she) says “would you like a straw with your whisky”. She must have thought I was some sort of alcoholic. After I said “you have to be joking”, no apparently a lot of people do – perverts.

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I don’t believe it.


You have never experienced this level of comfort before: adult webcam platform CamSoda has engineered a hi-tech dildo that will not only help you achieve robust orgasms, but will also hit up Domino’s and order a pizza for you after you’ve cum.

Unlike your dumb dildo, the so-called RubGrub has been equipped with an internet-connected button, which users can press to place a delivery for a pizza after a heated rubbing session.

Why create such a toss pot crazy product? Because they can. Who in their right mind will buy it?

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120 decibel the real outcry in Germany:

http://www.120db.info/en/


Saturday

Awesome Rye Whisky. But no bottles available now as it’s a Summer whisky.

No skiing today it’s just too busy on a normal Saturday, never mind a Presidents week one. Off classic cross country skiing with Helen – only her second time. Certainly gets the old ticker going faster than a Jack rabbit on moonshine. Good aerobic exercise. Makes me hotter than a computer trying to divide by zero. Downhill skiing is so much easier.

Meet Wendy at the coffee shop, then it’s off down to George and Helens to try and fix their TV remote, oh and also a iPhone bluetooth connection. I think the manual for the remote must have been written by a dyslexic Chinese nerd. End up having to reset it and teaching it button by button. Would have been easier for a retarded chimp to have learnt the controls than that remote. But remember “nil carbon illigitmus” and “if at first you don’t succeed swear and give up”. Helen and Wendy seem to have lost the will to live and toddle off to the supermarket. Any excuse for their weekly merchandising fix.

Finally get the basics working which is more than I can say for my encounter with the Evil Empire (Microsoft) and iPhone blue.
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Why is islam, jihad and sharia a threat to women

Islam is a threat to women, because Islamic teachings allow for the beating of women “from whom you fear disobedience,” as well as the downgrading of a woman’s testimony and inheritance rights. The Qur’an sanctions polygamy, child marriage, and even the sexual enslavement of captive non-Muslim women. These are not just teachings that “Islamophobes” have discovered in dusty corners of the Islamic holy book that no Muslim today takes seriously; women face all kinds of oppression throughout the Islamic world that the oppressors directly justify by reference to Islam. 


Sunday

Footprints.

Lazy ski day.

In the afternoon we go to an Apres Ski party at Jeri and Robs. Wow they have an awesome collection of Indian art from pottery, to woven basket and masks.

Quiet evening as we have to stay up until midnight’ish to pick Anna and Leon up at the airport. Amazing isn’t it these airports have park and wait areas with information boards that tell you when flight is en-route or ready to pick up passengers. How neat and clever is that and then they go and spoil it all with the usual stupidity and lack of common sense. At midnight all the flights that are due to arrive that day drop off the board even if they’re still en-route or not yet ready for pickup. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
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Morten Morland: I spy Jeremy Corbyn

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/morten-morland-i-spy-jeremy-corbyn-zjfp093ld

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They obviously have a problem with people taking more than none of their fair share, so they run out.


Monday

Up to PCMR base with Anna and Leon. They pick up their skis and boots and then we head off and do a few runs. We meet Wendy for brown bag butties in the Legacy Lodge.

After lunch Wendy and I tootle off to the library and then walk home. I leave Anna and Leon to get some skiing in.

In the evening we’re all off down to the bowling alley with a load of friends, including Hal and Angela, for a couple of games followed by dinner at the Full House restaurant. A fun evening had by all.

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Don’t I just love the bat shit crazy drink laws foisted on Utah by the Mormons – yet another good reason to keep religion locked in a darker cupboard never to see the light of day or inflict senseless, archaic rules on the rest of us.

In the bowling alley you can either order drink at the lane, in which case you have to buy some food, or you can go to the bar and order a drink without having to swell the ranks of the obese by having to buy food. Bar service sounds good until you learn that the waitress is the only person in the Mormon universe that is allowed to carry your drink to the table. Pots for rags.

I wouldn’t mind but if you look at the list of items every Mormon should have in their wagon for the long trek out to Salt Lake, they included sensible items like whisky and coffee. What’s gone wrong?