20171112 – Relax; Breathe; It’s Oh So Quiet

Sunday – hot and sunny.

Animal Kingdom

Lazy morning and then we’re off to Animal Kingdom. Our last Disney ticket day so we might as well try and see the Rivers Of Light parade.

Rivers of Light show.

First stop a relaxing coffee at Starbucks, one of the few places where you don’t need a FastPass. Today’s record in Animal Kingdom is 175 minutes to go on the only ride we really wanted to do – Pandora. To quote my hero “I don’t believe it”. What’s more I don’t believe anyone is stupid enough to queue that long for a 5 minute ride.

Have a pleasant dinner of macaroni cheese and pulled pork. Will have to add this to our regular menus back home – see recipes.

Rivers of light:

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American Dad – Francine’s song Saudi Arabia worst place in the world


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What comedian sent me this. I’d rather lick piss off a nettle than sponsor that futtocking arse-mungel. If he ever gets into power then it’s time to pack our bags and head for North Korea.

Monday – hot and sunny.

Rivers of Light show.

Lazy do nothing day. Time to breathe and relax by the pool. It’s oh so quiet now they’ve all gone home.
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Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Circle B Bar reserve.

We’re off to the circle B bar reserve. Can you believe it’s free. No Disney marketing; no Disney animatronics or 3D; no queues; no rip off; no parking rip off fee; no extortionate entrance fee; no crowds or screaming rug rats; no need for a fast pass or a 170 minute wait to see the best that nature has to offer. Just the bipedal lesser spotted, camera and binoculars toting sweaty bird watchers, swinging their long telephoto, phallic extensions around, like some rampant teenager. Nature in all its glory with birds galore, bald eagle, herons, snakes and alligators. What more can you wish for.

Then it’s over to Disney Celebration for a relaxing Starbucks by the lake. This place really is like something out of the stepford wives. Having a relaxing Starbucks by the lake watching them decorate the Christmas tree. Yes, we know it’s only November, perhaps someone will inform the greedy gnomes on the 96th floor of the Disney marketing tower.

Circle B Bar

It’s like a California beach on steroids full of fashion obsessed yuppies strutting their stuff like peacocks on heat; with mobiles glued to their ear just in case the President should ring them; drink in hand to keep them hydrated; and the sickly grin of a smarmy, politically correct liberal. I add to the ambience by shuffling around with my Starbucks cup in hand like a true yank.

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Some oh so politically incorrect muslim jokes:

Q: How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite?
A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

Q: How does every Islamic joke start? A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What’s the difference between a Muslim and a vampire? A: At some point the vampire will stop being bloodthirsty.

Q: How does a Muslim close the door? A: Islams it.

Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Middle Eastern beauty contest? A: Me neither.

Q: What do you call a drunken Muslim? A: Mohammered.

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

Disney Celebration.

Lazy morning and then after lunch we’re off to Disney Springs, formerly Downtown Disney. Wow they’ve expanded it into a upmarket shopping area.

Another Starbucks moment down at Disney Springs while Wendy gets her retail therapy in the ginormous Disney store. Hopefully she can resist the picturesque Disney gift cards this time – subtle dig. Treat her to a new Tinkerbell necklace and ear rings for her birthday present. You can never have too many Tinkerbell necklaces.
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The Bobbit Worm just one of the many amazing creatures on Blue Planet 2.

Blue Planet 2 is amazing. If anyone doubts the science of evolution then watch this. Be amazed at the oh so many creatures with awesome evolved behaviour and tell me you still don’t believe in evolution.

Thursday – hot and sunny.

Wendy watching out.

Lazy morning trying to get synchronisation to work consistently using iCloud, Notes and iPhotos. I’m sure Apple’s caught the Microsoft virus of sloppy software.

Then we’re off down to the Boardwalk for lunch, well at least for Wendy. Try to book a meal for Thanksgiving no chance, you’d think they were “giving” it away. Have a pleasant stroll around and then set off for some excitement at the Florida Mall.

Yeah, Virgin Upper Class flight to New York booked. Park City here we come.

Wendy’s finally made her mind up about the Apple Watch, so I treat her to one in Rose Gold, for Christmas. She’s getting to be a real nerd these days.
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Friday – hot and sunny.

Kayaking in Winter Park. Alas no gators.

Off to Winter park for a 2 hour kayak trip. Wendy has a few hours to herself perusing the shops and having lunch with all the rich bitches. Ideal day for kayaking around the lakes and canals of Winter Park. Don’t get to see much wildlife though, apart from the lesser spotted spoilt rich bipeds bobbing in and out of their lake front mega mansions.

After kayaking we get to see this awesome hawk just hanging out in the car park. Then we have a stroll back into Winter Park for a relaxing Starbucks. Everything this week is so laid back and relaxing.

Awesome Red Shouldered Hawk in Winter Park.

Traffic on I4 is horrendous so we come back on a toll road. It’s just as bad. A one hour journey takes 2 hours. Quite interesting whiling away the time in a traffic jam with music; watching a women pluck her eyebrows; watch a hum dinger of a row, they’ll be in a divorce court tomorrow; and if all else fail, pick your nose.
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George Carlin on Americans:


Saturday – hot and sunny.

Wow just a lazy, relaxing, stay by the pool sort of day. You almost feel guilty for doing nothing but just enjoying the sun. Funny we never feel guilty doing nothing at home, amazing what a bit of sun can do.

Wendy has some excitement with her weekly shop.

More Game Of Thrones in the evening. Puppies complete with chapel hat pegs, nudity and sex every 10 minutes to keep your attention. No wonder it’s so popular. It’s also a tad blood thirsty. Despite the sex scenes I seem to be warming to it, even though Knights, dungeons and dragons is not really my scene. But there is a way of avoiding 80+ hours of viewing and get the sex scene essence of Game Of Thrones in just 16 minutes. Yes, Huffington Post have kindly produced the Perverts Guide To Game Of Thrones, a 16 minute compilation of all the sex scenes and nudity – click here: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/17/game-of-thrones-sex-scene_n_1601883.html.
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What Pat Condell knows about Islam:

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