Monthly Archives: April 2018

20180410 – Sad. Time To Go Home. Goodbye Park City Until 6th June





Tuesday

Well somewhat belatedly here’s my final blog of this adventure.

Story time with George and Helen.

A crap morning dealing with Axa, trying to get my flight booked. Every time you speak to them it’s a different tale. They either lie or are totally incompetent. Bit like trying to plat fog.

Yet another lazy day in going stir crazy. Want to ban waterboarding, then here’s a physical pain free solution that’s way worse. Not allowed out all day, so start to suffer with cabin fever; add in looking after a 1 and 4 year old all day; add in kids TV all day with Baby Enistein and Peppa Pig running non stop and on an infinite repeating loop; prohibited from going shooting as planned; then because of my retirement commandments I can’t ease the day with, alcohol, sleep or TV. Water board or shoot me – role on 17:00, when I can have some medicine!

When 17:00 finally arrives Fiona helps me down a bottle of Gnarly Head, Zinfandel – she’s definitely a bad influence. To cauterise the mental torture I finish the day with a few High West whiskeys from my collection and then slither up the stairs to bed.



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Wednesday

Relaxing after a hard day at the Outlet Mall.

Todays I end up madder than a jihaddy bomber who arrives in paradise to find they’ve run out of virgins as I try to reconcile hospital bills, with the numpties in Intermountain Health accounts department. You need to be a Philadelphia lawyer with a Phd in forensic accountancy to understand their accounting system and statements. It takes three of them over an hour and they still can’t understand their own system. It’s a complete mystery. If you weren’t ill when you started dealing with them, you’ll certainly be in need of major psychiatric care by the end. I finally realise I might as well chalk pentagrams and stroke my toad.

Finally get to go shooting. Wendy had decreed that it was better to go today as she needed me out the way whilst she cleaned up. Enjoyed my last taste of the forbidden fruits with my favourite 9mm Wilson Combat.

Then it’s off to the liquor store to buy some booze to take home – cheaper than duty free and I can get the whiskeys I really want. Buy a bottle of High West Double Rye and Bourye, along with a Basil Hayden.

Rosita rings me back from Intermountain Healthcare, at last someone with a brain, and she has finally figured out whats wrong. They’ve made a posting error of some $300+, plus a smaller error on my PCMR bill and have included a bill from last years incident.

In the evening Bob and Marilyn pick us up and we go out to the free sports club volunteers appreciation dinner at the Dejoria Centre. Pleasant evening with PCMSC leaders. Lovely location but sadly the food seems to consist of charred chicken that was dryer than a dessert cactus skin and would have been great to resole my shoes with; along with congealed pasta and a chocolate browny that you could have used to hammer home 6″ nails in with and probably was a left over from the Easter buffet two weeks ago.



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Five surgeons are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon,  says,
“I like to see accountants on my operating table
  because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
 
The second, responds,
“Yeah, but you should try electricians!  Everything inside them is colour coded.”

The third surgeon, says,
“No, I really think librarians are the best!   Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon, chimes in:
“You know, I like construction workers…
  Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.’

But the fifth surgeon, shut them all up when he said:
‘You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. 
There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine… 
Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable!




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Thursday

Story time with Nanna.

Kurt drove us down to the airport and they flew home.

Swapped our 7 seater Ford Explorer for a top of the range 7 seater accura QX60. Someone had forgot their wallet along with paper driving license. Good old hertz can’t accept an image of driving licence on my iPhone. I wouldn’t mind imy license is over 50 years with no picture. But hey ho, rules is rules, please don’t apply any common sense. Anyway to her credit Mrs Hertz swapped the rental over to Wendy, looked at me on my cripple sticks and said but you won’t be able to drive it, and gave Wendy my upgrade to a premier class vehicle – very swish. Wendy very bravely drove back up to Park City in a snow storm.

Called in at the outlet stores to see a summer dress Wendy had her eye on. Reduced from $50 to $15. In typical female fashion, that has no comprehension of the difference of the words “want” and “need”, she buys 5 of them. Just think she saved me $175. I was chuffed as a credit card in a silk purse!

Snow a tad too late.

Rest of the day spent tidying up and finishing packing. At least by Wendy, whilst I sat and contemplated my cripple sticks.

In the evening Bob and Marilyn came round for a farewell dinner. Mexican takeaway from Chubasco’s. Sadly not up to their usual standard. Barbara and Steve popped round to say a fond farewell until next winter, and like the typical good neighbors cleared the 3” of new snow off our porch to save me from breaking my neck. Yes, we finally get some snow today – 3″ not bad – too dam late.

Then an early night after a few easy watching episode of “Still Game” – a poor mans version of “One Foot in the Grave” that needs subtitles on to cope with the Glaswegian accent that you could cut with a cut throat razor.


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Love this Chinese Doctor!

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!




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Has anyone noticed how the official police comments on all these obvious Jihadi attacks by the religion of pieces and permanent offence are either “by a mental fruit cake”, “not terrorism related” or “not a clue as to the cause”.

This is from the very same authorities who have for the past 70+ years been trying to determine whether the German invasion of Poland in September 1939 was motivated by Nazism, or by mental health issues among the German High Command.

You do have to worry at how PC and a distinct lack of common sense has permeated every aspect of society. P




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Friday

A cattle class interloper enjoying a quality breakfast.

First class flights for me. Wendy’s consigned to cattle class. I wonder how the poor people are doing?

Tsa are about as bright as a box of rocks. They want to know if I can walk through scanner without my cripple sticks. What do they think they are some latest Armani fashion accessory.

You really do have to worry about the lack of profiling when they think that a 68 year old cripple represents a plausible threat. Meanwhile they’re too busy groping and swabbing me down to sniff for explosives, everything out of my pockets, so Sherlock only knows where they thought I’d have explosives on me, must have thought I had an explosives implant. Meanwhile someone comes through unchallenged

My Virgin Upper Class dinner.

Delta first class not worth the money, no better than premium economy. Food was disgusting. Only consolation is that they had some Woodford Reserve.

Upper class on Virgin is as comfortable as ever. Although at these prices I really don’t expect to be told that they’ve run out of the beef dish – to be fair though, as I kicked off, they credit my account with 8,000 air miles. Come on there’s only 14 of us spoilt passengers. All looked after by two first class flight managers.

I pop back into cattle class to see how the poor people are doing and to show Wendy what are my menu choices for dinner. She keeps sneaking into upper class and gets her breakfast with me to make up for the vile concoctions served in cattle class.

With the exception of the usual senseless TSA ordeal this is certainly the way to travel although $6,000 is a tad too fast a way to fritter away our kids inheritance.



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More words of wisdom from the Chinese doctor:

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.




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How can anyone claim Islam is a religion of peace?
Go read the Quran and it’s over 100 verses of violence.

Look at all the violence perpetrated in the name of Islam.

Look at all the persecution of Christians and “Infidels” going on in the world, in the name of Islam.

Look at how many muslims want Sharia law and World domination by their religion.

If the West doesn’t wake up to the reality of this pernicious ideology – it’s really not a religion – then we’re doomed. It’s just a matter of time before we’re all condemned to life as Dhimmi’s paying the Jizya under Sharia law or ruled by super intelligent robots.





Saturday

First site after customs in the UK is a black bin liner burka clad wench, perambulating around like a lost Dalek – well could have been a fellla jihadi on his way to claim his just desserts and pummel 70 perpetual black eyed, buxom virgins. The airport is infested with muslims. Quite a culture shock as in 10 weeks in PC I’ve seen just one muslim. Makes us ponder on how many there are in the UK.

Welcome back. Just 6 weeks in the frozen wastelands before we escape back to Park City.



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Final words of wisdom from the Chinese doctor:

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”

AND…..

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.




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Final thoughts for this trip.

No more skiing this lifetime.

SHIT HAPPENS, SUCK IT UP. There are people a lot worse off.

20180403 – Yet Again I Celebrate Our Wedding Anniversary On Crutches





Tuesday

Wedding anniversary pose – spot the crutches.

Wedding anniversary – 47 years. I celebrate it yet again on crutches.

Kids at Deer Valley.

We go up to Deer valley with the kids for a free days skiing. I get the joy of a bottomless coffee cup in Snowpark lodge. Wendy joins me with Beatrix. Helen comes up to joins us as no ones turned up for the Leisure ski. Kids and Jasper are off up the mountain. Jasper manages a few runs on the nursery slope and the dangerous lift – no safety bar. Then he goes up top and does a run down Success. That tires Jasper and Fiona out, while Kurt has a few runs on his own. It’s an awesome bluebird day and despite the warm temperatures and overnight freeze the snow’s in great condition.

Story time from Angela.

In the afternoon Wendy’s at the CC yet again. Kurt takes me up to the hospital for my checkup and final Xray.

Don’t you just love American medicine. They take no risks and put you in for every chargeable item. Final Xray shows no problem – my legs not split open. What amazes me though is that my doctor has never once looked at or groped by knee or leg – not that it would particularly turn me on – but you would think he’d have checked it out rather than just relying on CT scans and Xrays. The other thing that concerns me is that twice I’ve mentioned my concern as to whether my bones are weak or brittle. Then quite by accident I come across the CT scan radiologist report on the pretty pictures disc and see he says I have generalised osteopenia, whatever that is. You’d think the sawbones would have picked up on that. Perhaps he’s never bothered to read that report.

One of the many pluses of American health service is that every X-ray or CT scan they give you a DVD with the pretty pictures on. If you read the CT scan with the available software then you can create several amazing videos with rotating images of your leg. Impressive.

Hal and Carol come around for afternoon tea, as going over to Carols for dinner would mean Beatrix being up too late. Then it’s a quiet night in.

Fiona and I manage to drink some wine.



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Wednesday

Anniversary dinner with the kids.

Kurt takes Jasper up to PCMR for Jasper to have a ski lesson with Hal. He does very well. A few runs down first time and the slalom course to establish that he can turn and stop. Then Hal takes him up Crescent; a full run down Claim jumper; up Silver Load; then a full run down Home run to the basis. He does really well. Fiona doesn’t ski as Wendy’s yet again at the CC all day.

In the evening we all go out for a family anniversary dinner to the Windy Ridge Cafe. Their Macaroni Cheese with White cheddar, mozzarella, smoky bacon, scallion, garlic-herb bread crumbs is to die for. Wendy needs to get the recipe.

Fiona and I manage to drink some wine.



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Anniversary dinner with the kids.

After 40+ years of marriage it’s amazing how husbands manage to still live life on the edge and antagonise their wives, with all the tact and decorum of a pyscopath with tourettes. Comments like:

Wife: “What do you think to my dress?”.
Husband: “Hmm… Like the dress but it makes you look old”.

Wife: “How do you like my hair done this way?”.
Husband: “Yes ok, but it shows too much of your face”.






Thursday

Off up to the top of the mountain.

Watching the kids get ready for skiing is painful. It would have been easier to organise a D-Day landing.

Wendy takes the kids up to PCMR so the kids can take Jasper skiing.

I go shooting with Joe. Try a 38 magnum for a change – big bullets. Still prefer Joes 9mm, I can get quite a good grouping with it.

Star skier

Joe drops me off at PCMR base and I meet the kids in the restaurant as they’ve just finished skiing. They’ve had a few runs down First Time, then the annual family ski race – resurrected from when Kurt was a kid and always won the annual prize, now it’s Jasper’s turn. Surprise, surprise Jasper wins. Then they have a run down Home run by which time Jaspers tired.

When they get back we have the gold medal presentation ceremony for Jasper and he wins a snow globe. He’s really excited and we’re all so proud of him. Those extra lessons in Manchester were worth every penny.

Winner of the 2018 family ski race.


Joys of the free bus service. Jasper thinks it’s great.

Wendy, Beatrix and I catch the bus home.

Quiet boozy evening in for Wendy and I. Fiona and I manage to drink some wine. Then Fiona and Kurt go out for dinner at the Boneyard. They manage a few drinks but don’t like the look of the pizzas so bring a Dominos pizza home – boring married couple just not used to the luxury of being able to go out together.


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Friday

Jasper with olympic gold medalist.

It’s raining so the kids decide not to go skiing.

Lazy morning in for me doing some French, whilst they have a walk in the rain to Starbucks – oh how the other half live.

I meanwhile have the usual crap to deal with in trying to get invoices and receipts out of Intermountain hospital. I’ve tried to pay it all off on my credit card so that they don’t get arsed around by Axa, but really start to wonder why I bother. Next on the craplist to deal with is Axa. Why haven’t they contacted me to sort return flights out? Just another one

Anniversary dinner with Bob and Marilyn.

of the daily helping of crap, incompetence and SNAFU’s I have to deal with. We have Apple software that’s caught the microsoft screw-up virus these days and then you have any major organisation that you have to deal with that is staffed by numpties who can’t even do the single simple task they’ve been given. The rise of the call centre and the demise of customer service.

In the evening we’re off to Fireside dinning to celebrate our anniversary with Bob and Marilyn. Awesome food, help yourself, great choice just end up bloated though. A great dinning experience but I think we prefer the Blue Boar overall – similar price and quality but you don’t get overstuffed.



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Saturday

Star skier

Kids go skiing and have a great mornings skiing.

It’s a quiet night in so we belatedly celebrate our wedding anniversary with a bottle of Wilson Creek almond flavoured champagne. Even Wendy likes it. That daughter-in-law of mine is definitely a bad influence on my drinking.



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Ski day.

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and those who don’t and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand, Ben Franklin said:
 
“In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is freedom, In water there is bacteria.”
 
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E.. Coli) – bacteria found in feces.
 

A quit evening in snoozing.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop annually.
 
However, We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine and beer (or rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
 
Remember:
 
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
 
Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
 

MacDonalds treat.

VERIFICATION:
 
BOTH THE HOUSE, SENATE, Parliament and house of lords DRINK A LOT OF WATER WHILE IN SESSION.
 
THIS EXPLAINS THE RESULTS THEREIN  . . . .
 
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I’m doing it as a public service.




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Is islam a threat to Christians?

Early morning story time.

Islam is a threat to Christians, for it mandates that they must either convert to Islam, submit to Islamic hegemony, or be killed – the same triple choice offered to the Jews. The Christian communities of the Middle East, some of which dated back to the time of Christ, were decimated, as jihad groups targeted Christians wholesale as symbols of the hated U.S. and West. 

Quran (9:29) – “Fight those who believe not in Allah nor the Last Day, nor hold that forbidden which hath been forbidden by Allah and His Messenger, nor acknowledge the religion of Truth, (even if they are) of the People of the Book, until they pay the Jizya with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued.” “People of the Book” refers to Christians and Jews. According to this verse, they are to be violently subjugated, with the sole justification being their religious status. Verse 9:33 tells Muslims that Allah has charted them to make Islam “superior over all religions.” This chapter was one of the final “revelations” from Allah and it set in motion the tenacious military expansion, in which Muhammad’s companions managed to conquer two-thirds of the Christian world in the next 100 years. Islam is intended to dominate all other people and faiths.

It wasn’t me who eat the chocolate. Honest.

Quran (2:65-66): “Christians and Jews must believe what Allah has revealed to Muhammad or Allah will disfigure their faces or turn them into apes, as he did the Sabbath-breakers.”
Quran (5:51): “O you who believe! do not take the Jews and the Christians for friends; they are friends of each other; and whoever amongst you takes them for a friend, then surely he is one of them; surely Allah does not guide the unjust people.”
Quran (9:30): “And the Jews say: Ezra is the son of Allah; and the Christians say: The Messiah is the son of Allah; these are the words of their mouths; they imitate the saying of those who disbelieved before; may Allah destroy them; how they are turned away!”

The World over Christians are being persecuted and killed by muslims and yet no one dare mention it. Even the pope, who’s now given up the belief in hell, doesn’t take up the cudgels against this systematic theocide, especially in the middle east.





Sunday

Planting his rock.

Last day skiing as the mountain closes today.

Kids all go skiing, despite the snow, Jasper seems to relish skiing in the snow. Goes down with mouth open, like a whale scooping up, plankton.

Jasper’s really in his element skiing. Goes off like a rocket. Gets off First Time lift and off he ski’s like a rocket, no poles to worry about, so parents have a job to catch up with him. He looks oh so relaxed and enjoys it.

Another ski medal.

In the afternoon Wendy and I go to an Apres ski party for ski leaders only. Free Margaritas – quite surprised they’re quite pleasant, apparently these are made with beer – along with Brats and burgers. All provided by the sports club as a thank you. Pretty good food and as it’s ski leaders only there’s not too many so it’s quite convivial.

Quiet evening in. Wendy has dinner back home as she’s not enamoured with Brats and Burgers.



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Angela and Jasper at the Olympians parade.

Well trying to think of something for the wave of life can be a tad difficult when you’ve got a broken tibia thanks to a scumboarder; you’ve missed the chance to ski with Jasper; sensibly it is really time to hang up my skis, especially when you read of comments like “generalised osteopenia” in a radiologist report.

But there are things to celebrate:

50+ years of great skiing.
Awesome friends out here in PC.
Fantastic social life here in PC.
At least this break should heal and I’ll be able to do other activities. It could have been worse.




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Makes me stop and think but who knows what to believe these days.





Monday

End of season dinner.

Lazy day.

Then in the evening we go out to the Boneyard with friends for a farewell dinner. Then afterwards we all troop round to Bobs for Irish Car Bombs. As Kurt said what are all you old farts behaving like underage teenagers for. Yes, we may be geriatrics but in our minds we’re all teenagers. Actually the car bombs made the Guinness quite palatable. First time I’ve enjoyed Guinness. A great evening and a grand idea to finish off the ski season.

Young at heart downing Irish Car Bombs – courtesy of Bob.





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Subtle way around the PC islamophobia and free speech nazis.