Wednesday, 25 March 2026 We’ve reached escape velocity, away from the woke pull of Batshit Bonkers Britain. Rather than a crack of sparrows fart taxi to the airport, Kurt is taking us to an airport hotel this evening – a more leisurely approach to travel.
Thursday, 26 March 2026 Learning from this trip: 1. Check into premier inn overnight rather than early morning taxi. Book well in advance. 2. Get an Uber from hotel to airport. It’s quicker and cheaper. 3. Prefer 1903 lounge. 4. Don’t bother checking in online. 5. Avoid school holidays. My leg decides to turn me into a cripple. Up to now it’s been getting better but suddenly it gone worse. I hobble to the departure gate. Amazing it about the furthest away. Only one other gate was about 20 feet further. Shit happens suck it up. Pleasant flight in upper class. Bed was nice. Pity that so many things did not work. The crap from Virgin outside the plane is seeping in. Service pretty good but slow. Premium economy takes some beating. Upper class at full price is just not worth it. Cheese and biscuits with a glass of port for afters, followed by a very large Cognac (sadly no longer Baron Otard). Whilst I’m asleep I’m set upon by thieves and vagabonds who steal the remnants of my Cognac. Hobble to immigration which means we’re not at the front of the queue so we have a 1 hour wait. Usual wait for hotel bus. How come every hotel but ours turns up, happens every time no matter which hotel we choose. Hotel was clean and comfortable. Still stuffed from lunch on the plane so nothing needed but a bottle of water – can you believe $3.
Friday, 27 March 2026 Waffle machine at breakfast so I know I’m back in the USA. Breakfast was the usual cheap and cheerful, no healthy food options. It that it bothered me. Back to airport to pick hertz mobile at. Can you believe it’s in the most distant parking slot. Just what you need when you’re hobbling. Car is awesome 7 seater Chevy suv – I want one. Get in the Airbnb early. Lovely house, pool and all clean but everything’s just skimped, apart from the price. They screw up on door code, not working at 1600. Pop round to pubics for essentials. Must have bought the store, can you believe $270. Great London broil sandwich for tea – awesome. Finally, after over a year, I get to try some Yuengling traditional lager. Not that impressed.
Saturday, 28 March 2026 Oh joy to be back in civilisation where I can drink water from a plastic bottle without the bottle top getting stuck in my left nostril and nearly asphixiating me – courtesy of EU stupidity. Why hasn’t BREXIT eliminated such nonsense. Pop into the central pool and lazy river. All looks ideal for the rug rats. Have a drive up to Walmart. Buy some more stuff. At least Wendy knows where it is so can drive up there to do a BIG SHOP. Lazy afternoon sat in the sun. How will I cope. I get Wendy a Tello ESIM for her mobile. Drive up to the Airport to meet the kids. Their Air France flight lands 40 minutes early but it takes them all of just under 2 hours to get their luggage. Air France never again. Uncomfortable, crap food and service. French what can you expect. Can you believe when we were stupid enough to fly them they served me a carrot for breakfast – never again. They’re all tired and sadly because of traffic it’s still a 1 hour drive back to our holiday home.
Sunday, 29 March 2026 Kids are up at 0630, mithering to go into the pool. Classic Esther: Esther to Jasper “I’ve made your bed for you”. Jasper “Thank you”. Esther “We’re on holiday Jasper. You don’t need to say thank you”. 0800and they’re let loose in the pool for 2 hours. Loving it, easily keeps them amused. Give the kids a choice, shopping at Walmart or go to the Pool and Lazy River with Papa. The latter wins. The kids have another 2 hours in the pool and lazy river. The kids are no trouble, very well behaved, and really enjoy it. I have a beer to celebrate the day. 2.5 hours later and the adults are back from Walmart.
Monday, 30 March 2026 Kids in the resort pool and lazy river most of the day, but Fiona see’s all these young, not potty trained, kids with no waterproof nappies on. Decides we’ll stick to our own pool from now on. Trek to airport to pick mike up. It’s a nightmare journey both ways.
Tuesday, 31 March 2026 Kids are in our pool most of the day. Happy as Larry. Fiona’s frying in the sun. In the afternoon I, Kurt and Mike take the kids to crazy golf. Another warm lazy day.
Wednesday, 1 April 2026 Failed April fool attempts on me. Kids in our pool most of the day. Quite content so no point in taking them to crazy golf or bowling. Another noisy afternoon as they are tree felling and shredding.
Friday, 03 April 2026 It’s our 55th wedding anniversary. Can you believe it 55 years. To celebrate I make Wendy a cup of tea in bed. Kurt, Mike and I are off to the airport so we’re up at the crack of Sparrows fart. Mike’s flying home and I’m dropping Kurt off to pick up his Hertzmobile. Afternoon spent around the pool yet again – best investment this holiday, kids just love it. I’ll let the photos tell the story.
Saturday, 04 April 2026 Wendy Jasper and I set off to Cape Canaveral to board the ship. Drop Wendy, Jasper and the luggage off whist I return the car to Hertz. We manage to board earlier than our 1415 allocated time, thanks to some smooth talking on my part. All the luggage arrives apart from Wendy’s. Usual problems security have detected prohibited items. Not that anyone bothers to tell us it’s been stopped. Go down to Guest services and speak with some Indian geezer whose grasp of the English language is somewhat similar to a 2 year old. So we end up going to dinner in our scruffs. Mind you I’ve eat in Nicer school canteens than this Mexican themed dive. Noisy and all the ambiance of a noisy Mexican brothel. Our dinners at 2015 by which time the kids and the geriatrics are knackered. Beatrix is asleep; Esther almost does a sleepy face plant in her dinner and Jasper abandons the meal and goes back to the room. Kurt’s the lucky one, he has a room service meal. 2015 is a nonsense time for kids to be eating. Flying Spaghetti Monster help us if all the restaurants are as awful as this – can I have my money back?
Sunday, 05 April 2026 Lazy start to the day with a good buffet breakfast. Take the kids for photos and autographs of Pluto and Donald Duck. Sit around the pool. Usual deck chairs being hogged problem. Too hot. Afternoon take the kids to see a Disney show – excellent. Afternoon on verandah and then on deck round the pool. Too hot. At least tonight we eat in 1923 restaurant – very civilised, but service still slow.
Monday, 06 April 2026 Breakfast was heaving as everyone is in a rush to go ashore. We eventually venture ashore to Cozumel (never realised it was an island) for a stroll around and some drinks. We’ve been many times before so not really much to see. Back on board for lunch, essential with bloody 2015 dinner. Afternoon of sun and kids shows. Then at 1730 we get a call to say we’ve been moved forward to 1745 dinner – Mickey be praised. Rush down to dinner in world of marvel. Nice themed restaurant with Marvel entertainment. 1745 so much more civilised and practical for the kids and us geriatrics. Service is better and faster as we no longer have the plonker for a waiter. After dinner it’s more kids entertainment. Finally bed, watch Encanto and some wine.
Tuesday, 07 April 2026 Today it’s Grand Caymen – another one we’ve been to many times. Seen one Caribbean island then you’ve seen them all.
Wednesday, 08 April 2026 What’s good so far: 1 Food is excellent 2 Entertainment 3 They do follow up if there’s a problem 4 Nice to cycle round 3 different restaurants. 5 Kids clubs What is bad so far: 1 Customer service sucks. Most of them can’t even speak or comprehend English. Why not employ English as a first language staff rather than cheap foreigners. 2 Dinner at 2015 really sucks for everyone, especially the kids. Even worse when service is so slow – 2115 by the time we get our main course. 3 No milk with the tea, only Half and Half. Whilst I love Americans, when will yanks appreciate that Brits make tea with milk. 4 Drink prices are a state secret, no wonder when you find out how much they are – $18 for a single shot of cheapo Woodford Reserve 5 The Mexican restaurant is disgusting. Worse than a Salvation Army Hostel canteen. 6 Usual shit on deck with deck chairs being hogged. Simple if they’re left empty for over 30 minutes, contents should be thrown overboard. If they do it again throw the owners overboard as well – why are people so anti-social and stupid. 7 It’s the only cruise we’ve been on where the general buffet restaurant isn’t open in the evening. Your allocated a set restaurant each night. Pity because when in that Awful Mexican dump we would have walked out and gone to the buffet.
Sundayday, 12 April 2026 Having survived the Disney cruise Kurt and the grandkids fly off home, whilst we suffer a shit Delta flight to Paradise, AKA Park City. We’ve 5 months living there so there won’t be much in the way of blog entries. We’re just living in this bubble of Park City. Hiking, biking, shooting, kayaking, pickleball, ten pin bowling, archery, wining and dining. For Wendy it’s back to volunteering at the Christian Centre again.