Author Archives: admin

20170912 – France; Force 10 Gales; Rain; Rain; And Even More Rain

Tuesday – sun and gale force 10.

Bayeux Tapestry

Budgie smugglers, beret and spare toilet seat packed; Wendy has her under arm razor packed; my “Remember Agincourt” tee shirt ironed and ready; been practising the middle finger gesture for weeks; Megaphone batteries charged up ready for when I have problems making them understand; gas mask ready so we can eat in a “NO SMOKING” French restaurant without getting lung cancer from second hand ciggie smoke; and not forgetting Wendy is taking everything in the kitchen, but thankfully she’s leaving the sink. Will there be any room left for some quality German beers or will I have to suffer drinking E numbers?

No reply yet on my email request to Macron, to remove from Normandy any French who don’t speak English,

Oh the joys of travelling. I’m on the ship / boat trying to listen to the Apple launch event when the driver starts rattling over the tannoy about some dam force 10 gale and apparently we’re still going to make the crossing. Sounds crazy to me. Never mind back to Apple.

Better have a few brandies to get a good nights sleep. As the ship’s driver said we hit quite a few pot holes, but I’m fine as long as I stay lay down in the dark. Then the inevitable happens and me bladder gets the better of me and I have to turn the light on to see where I’m aiming. That does it. I’m then shouting for Hewie and Ruth, but there’s no diced carrots just retching. Meanwhile Wendy’s snoring away.

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Some French jokes:

Q: How do you keep a French person from crashing your party?
A: Put a sign up that says “no nudity”

Q: Why do French People eat snails?
A: Because they don’t like fast food!

Q: How does every French joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What is the Guillotine?
A: A French chopping centre.

Q: Whats the difference between a smart Frenchman and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they’re both fictional characters

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Europe Is Killing Itself

Well said Pat. Pity we don’t have the politicians with the gonads to say it and do something about it.

Wednesday – cool, windy and sporadic torrential downpours.

In view of my Mal de mere, I pass on breakfast. Bacon and eggs just doesn’t tempt me. Arrive 2 hours late due to the gales.

After about 6 hours we finally get to the campsite and there’s nothing better than having to set up when it’s pissing down. Fortunately the caravan pitch is fairly level. It’s two years since we did any of this so it’s all a bit of a mystery and the occasional screw up.

After much cussing we get set up.

There’s a free wine and cheese party on the site and then it’s off to the sewerage farm, AKA Intermarche, Supermarket for tea and breakfast supplies.

So we arrive safely in France.

How do we know it’s France. Is it the guys on bikes with onions? Is it the snails winking at me from their shell? Is it because we’re on the different side of the road? No none of the above.
It’s obvious when you walk in the supermarket and that aroma of raw sewage just tantalises your nasal passages, as they’re obviously still using that eau de savage raw sewage floor cleaner to give that distinctive and welcoming smell. Vile.

Sleep like a log apart from the clamour of rain on the caravan roof. Oh the joys of caravanning.

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How Binary Works

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If You Live in Freedom, Thank the British Empire

Thursday – cool, windy and sporadic torrential downpours.

Finish off the set up. Get wifi set up. Pretty good this caravanning, once you’re all set up.

Supermarket trips for essential supplies such as wine.

Don’t bother setting up satellite as I’ve downloaded loads of BBC and Netflix, plus wifi is pretty good so should be able to watch as needed. It looks like our 90cm, Goon Hilly Down satellite dish, can be scrapped. With wifi we can get Netflix although SmartDNS struggles with BBC and HBO – thats French internet for you.Installed SmartDNS VPN on MacBook and that copes with the BBC problem – connect via Smart DNS VPN in WiFI Preferences.

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I recently asked a retired police sergeant, who I though was a good friend, for a reference so I could join a local gun club. Here is his response:

Dear Sirs,

I have been requested to endorse the suitability of the above in respect of membership of a firearms club.

I can confirm I have known Mr Edwards for a period in excess of two years.

He is conscious of his commitment to the community, not only in the UK but also the United States.

In the UK, his domicile country, he is a founder member of the Belthorn EDL, actively engaged in organising rallies, protests and other methods of eradicating Muslim progression, such as the banning of burkhas and the burning of the Quran.

He is also a honorary member of the Park City Klu Klux Klan, and was instrumental in the introduction of legislation banning the use of magic underwear.

When armed, he presents no threat to the wider community, except those well wide of the target, being incapable of hitting a barn door with a sawn off shotgun from 6 paces.

He was trained in the use of a variety of weapons at the Stevie Wonder School of shooting skills, but unfortunately failed to reach the minimum standard required. He has however assured me he mistakenly wore a pair of welders’ goggles instead of conventional eyewear resulting in a below par performance.

I fully endorse the application.

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I don’t believe it. Well sadly and actually I do:

Amid a devastating hurricane in Florida, police there are having to warn people not to shoot at the storm after a Facebook event, “Shoot At Hurricane Irma” garnered 54,000 replies of interest.

“To clarify, DO NOT shoot weapons @ #Irma. You won’t make it turn around & it will have very dangerous side effects,” warns the sheriff in Pasco County, which is north of Tampa along Florida’s west coast.

Obviously a NRA inspired scheme. Only in America.

Friday – warm and sporadic torrential downpours.

Yeah… first snow in Park City.

Visit the Bayeux Tapestry today. All that history and culture. Not impressed with the quality of workmanship but it’s an amazing length. I suppose it was the comic strip / Netflix / TV of it’s day.

Typical French signposts. Start off quite well when they’re at a distance. Then when you’re within about 200 yards you’re on your own.

Friday night Peter and Fran come round for drinks. We manage to quaff some French wine whilst putting the World to rights. It’s amazing how similar our views are. When will we get some politicians with some gonads who will tackle BREXIT and realise that islam is the problem. It’s a late night – midnight – as there’s one hell of a lot to put right.

Rain and hale is horrendous.

Sorry no photos of the rain this blog.

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Never knew much about English history, 1066 and all that but here’s a potted summary of the yarn the Bayeux tapestry tells:

This big cheese Eddie ( King Edward the Confessor of York) is on his last legs and has no legit kids, so he sends Hal (Harold Godwinson) to Normandy to tell Bill (William the Conqueror), born wrong side of the blanket, that he wants him to become the big cheese when he finally kicks his clogs.

Hal sets off across the channel, but being a total twit gets lost, lands in the wrong place and is taken hostage by a rival gang. Meanwhile Bill hears about this and arranges for his release.

Bill then takes Hal on some kickass gang warfare for a bit of light relief and to kill the boredom. Hal becomes a signed up member of Bill’s gang and agrees to be his faithful sidekick when Bill becomes the big cheese. Hal then goes back to England to report back to Eddie. Meanwhile Eddie finally kicks his clogs. Hal decides he’d like all the power that Eddie had, so he welches on his deal with Bill and becomes the big cheese.

Bill finds out that Hals ratted on him and is pissed, so he gets his gang together and sails over to England to kick Hals ass. Hal and Eddie’s gang have a mega rumble and Hal gets poked in the eye with an arrow which turns his lights out. Bill and his gang take over from Hal and Bill becomes the big cheese.

Meanwhile in 1066, but not depicted on the tapestry, no doubt for fear of appearing islamaphobic, a Muslim mob storms the royal palace in Granada, crucifies Jewish vizier Joseph ibn Naghrela, and massacres most of the Jewish population of the city. Nothing new there then and still it goes on.

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Meanwhile back in the Uk there’s yet another islamic terrorist bomb on the tube – 29 injured – and would have been a disaster had the bomb worked properly. Thank the FSM most of these jihadis are thick. Yet more platitudes and feeble response. What will it take before our PC bed wetter politicians realise that Islam is the problem; we are at war; do something positive about the problem.

Stop being frightened to even talk about it. Stop trying to stifle free speech. Stop using that word islamophobia. It is totally irrational not to fear Islam.

It’s time for some strong action against this vile ideology.

Go read the Quran and see if you still believe Islam is a religion of peace.

Anyway I’ve had enough and intend to do my bit by raising the spectre of the “elephant in the World” – islam – at every opportunity

20170806 – Gay Choir; Scrots At A Concert; Goodbye Paradise

Sunday – hot and sunny.

What a gay day.

Up early to lead a leisure bike ride. Only one turned up so we cycled up to the old barn together and called it a day.

Lazy afternoon.

The Schmitt’s pick us up to go to the San Francisco Gay Mens Choir up at Deer Valley. No I didn’t wear a pink tee shirt. Hal had VIP tickets so we get quality seating and a free buffet and drinks afterwards. They were very good although not all of their material was to my taste, but a very enjoyable evening. All thanks to Hal.

Did my ears deceive me or did I just hear one of the gay announcers use the word Queer? OMG how un PC.

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Monday – hot and sunny.

Leisure hike.

Up at the crack of sparrows yet again to lead a leisure hike from Silver Lake, to Empire pass and onto Payday for those who want to extend it. All along Mid-Mountain trail. Wendy makes it. Then it’s down to the corner cafe for some refreshments – Pilsner Urquell before 17:00, what a sin.
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Truck of Peace: Trannies of Mass Destruction

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Gay Choir

I don’t believe it. A new craze:

An upskirt photo is a photo taken up someone’s skirt without consent.

Such photos may end up on dedicated upskirt websites – which are big business.

Some perpetrators have been known to use a camera embedded in the top of their shoe.

Upskirting is an offence in Scotland under the Sexual Offences (Scotland) Act 2009 – in England and Wales it is harder to prosecute.

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Gay choir VIP seats.

Up early again to lead a leisure bike ride but there’s a 60% chance of rain, thunder and lightning so I cancel it. Wendy was at the CC all morning so I’m left with a lazy morning.

After lunch Wendy’s convinced me to buy a pair of cowboy boots as she says they’re oh so comfortable.

Pop down to Heber to look at some boots. I’m looking for a black pair so that I can wear them under a suit, whenever I have to wear one for weddings, christenings and funerals. Wendy points out that the brown ones look better and that they’re really better under jeans. I have to agree so end up with a brown pair.

Wow try walking in my new boots. I’m think they make me 6 foot tall, so tall I think I’ll suffer with altitude sickness and get nose bleeds if I don’t end up falling off them heels. Makes me appreciate how difficult it must be for the fur coat and no knickers brigade when they’re tottering around PC in their high heels.

I want to try the new High West whisky called Valley Tan but we’re so busy this week that we’re struggling to fit it in.
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Family Guy – Peter Becomes a Muslim

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

High West saloon.

NAC aquatic sports instructor for me while Wendy gets closer to god at the Christian Centre.

Lash out of a pair of cross country skis and poles from the CC, ready for this winter, cost me all of $25. Will do me whilst I see whether I can get into it – no lifts remember. The real plus is that being a geriatric I get free access to the White Pines cross country trails.

Lazy afternoon.

Then in the evening we go to the free Deer Valley concert.
What is it with this gaggle of scrots who stand up and rattle. Why bother coming to an open air con concert, when all they wanted to do was stand around and talk at the top of their gobs. In future why don’t they piss off up to the top of Big Stick where they can still see and probably hear the concert, yet can stand around rattling away like a can of marbles to their selfish hearts content. The worst offender is this gaunt gobby goblin like women, with hair like an afghan struck by lightning.

Groups not that good and we’re totally pissed off listening to the scrots – had they been good then I think there would have been a few kind words to the noisy standup scrots – so we quit about 19:00. Head off to the High West saloon for some Valley Tan. It’s a real fun place to sit at the bar, listen to the free music, chat and be entertained by the barmen making their exotic revoted concoctions. And the Valley Tans excellent but I think I’ll stick with a bottle of Double Rye to take home.

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Old town Heber City

Passwords the bane of our lives. When will the IT industry produce a sensible and practical solution, surely it can’t be beyond the wit of man to find a solution that will cast this archaic worship at the alter of the high priests of technology into the garbage truck of history where they so deservedly belong. Our grandchildren will, I’m sure, be amazed to learn the silly hoops we had to jump through.

Latest musings on the subject:

It has become the bane of many’s existences: being forced to use complicated and difficult-to-remember passwords laden with random numbers and symbols.
But the man who originally came up with the rules on safe passwords has admitted that his guidance was totally wrong, 14 years after it was first published.

Bill Burr wrote what has become the “bible” on password security in 2003 while working for the US Government. It advised using capital letters, numbers and non-alphabetic symbols in passwords, in the belief that they would be more difficult to guess.

His work is now responsible for offices and websites forcing people to adopt tortuous phrases such as “P@55w0rd” or “Football123” to satisfy password forms, as well as IT departments demanding that workers create a new one every 90 days. But instead of improving security, the combinations actually made computer systems less secure, since users would end up using the same password repeatedly, or writing them down on post-it notes attached to their screens. Nor did the introduction of numbers and symbols make passwords any less vulnerable to “brute force” cyber attacks in which a computer cycles through every possible combination of characters to guess a password.

How neat is this. America has respect.

“Much of what I did I now regret,” Burr, who is now retired, told the Wall Street Journal. “In the end, it was probably too complicated for a lot of folks to understand very well, and the truth is, it was barking up the wrong tree.” He added that the advice to regularly change passwords was mistaken, since most people end up altering one character, such as changing from “username1″ to username2”, which does little to stop hackers.

In 2015, GCHQ advised companies to stop resetting passwords, saying the inconvenience it created outweighed any limited security benefits.
The original password guidelines from America’s National Institute for Science and Technology written by Burr have recently been updated to do away with the old rules. They now advise that people use long but easy-to-remember “passphrases”, a sequence of words that do not need to feature special characters or numbers. Using “horsecarrotsaddlestable” would take one trillion years for a “botnet” cyber attack to crack, compared to one minute for “P@55w0rd”. 

Thursday – hot and sunny.

An afternoon visit.

Another early start. Kayaking on the Jordanelle with PCMSC for me and CC, holy joe work for Wendy. The director of the CC thanks me for lending Wendy out. I thank him for keeping her busy and freeing me to do my own thing.

Afternoon it’s my last NAC archery instructor session.

Evening we’re off out with Tina and Neil for dinner at the Windy Ridge Bakery. Heard a lot about it and food was excellent. The Macaroni cheese was the best I’ve ever had – Wendy needs to up her game with this.
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Called in at Anytime Fitness in Heber City. Hang on they’re closed Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday.

Company to rename as Sometime Fitness.


Friday – hot and sunny.

Deer valley toilets.

Wendy’s volunteering at the hospital whilst I take a bike ride down to the bowling alley for a couple of cheap games of bowls with the PC Newcomers Club. My bowling is abysmal – whatever happened to all that miss spent youth time bowling. I need to decide whether I’m going to straight or hook bowl, stick to it and then get some practice in at home. Then it’s the uphill haul back home. Sadly after 10 weeks it doesn’t seem to get any easier, but at least I don’t chicken out and use the bus.

Went to TGIF with the PCMSC. How the other half live, some stunning homes. Unlike some of these events it was quite a sociable affair.

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What’s happening in America?

First of all they seem to want to do a communist / ISIS stunt by recreating history and pulling down statues of any confederate slave owners.

Then when THEIR president condemns violence and hatred all round, not just the right wing fascist or the left wing liberals he get’s lambasted by the media for not condemning the nazis, KKK and fascist. Now I know that reading and comprehension can be a stretch for a lot of Americans, but read what he said. He condemned all sides for violence, racism and hatred.

Sadly he then caves in to the stupid media and comes out with a condemnation of the nazi, KKK and fascist element, no mention of the left wing liberals. Then he’s criticised for saying it too late.

Get a grip Trump.

Get a grip America.

Saturday – hot and sunny.

Finally Wendy gets some cowgirl boots – too late for the rodeo.

Risk the wrath of her indoors by going shooting in the morning. How can anyone predict women mentality. Amazing, she’s glad I’m going as it means she’ll be able to get on with packing. Go shooting with Joe so get to shoot a nice Beretta 92 – same model as used by US military but in .22 – as well as Joe’s 9mm. Really starting to get to grips with the .22 format and seem to have got over flinching with the 9mm. Really enjoyed it. Must get an air pistol when I get home, have always wanted one since i was a child – as some would argue I’m still a child i’m going to get one.

In the afternoon we go down to the National Ability Centre party for all the volunteers. There’s Archery, cycling and climbing wall to try out. Just have to get to the top of that wall, otherwise I’ll never be able to take Jasper to the climbing wall. Amazingly I manage to get there and ring the bell without any underwear stains. Mind you given the amount of sweat I’m surprised those down below aren’t drowning in it.

Nice meal and a good gesture for all the volunteers.
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Tuck of Peace: Antifabulous

Sunday – hot and sunny.

Made it to the top.

All packed up and ready for the off.

Return the Hertz mobile after 9 weeks. It really helps having a car, must consider one for winter. No benefit for skiing but really useful for getting to events and activities.

Go round to Tina and Neil’s for morning tea.

Taxi finally turns up late. Then after picking up everyone in PC that owns a suitcase we finally get going. Arrive 19 minutes late. Won’t be using them again. Uber are half the price.

Refuse to use one of those dam check-in machine – play the part of a technophobe and get the assistant to do it. Fail to see how they save time, you still have to check your bags. Of course Wendy’s managed to fill the suitcases to the gunnels – just under the limit. Thankfully we’re both TSA pre-checked. Must be the site of our cowboy boots that convinces them we’re low risk. Getting through the airport is a breeze. TSA pre-check and no queues. If only they were all like that flying might go back to being a pleasure again.

You know if they really sat down and thought about it they could redesign this whole check in process down to just one human interaction and one flash of your passport. Instead of wearing your passport and boarding pass out through constant inspection.

Flight was ok. 2 glasses of red wine, a brandy and 2 sleeping tablets and I’m out for the count – cheaper than business class. Apparently I eat dinner but I’m dammed if I can remember it.

Important learning point – don’t fly in cowboy boots – your feet swell and it takes a gargantuan effort to get them back on. I have visions of walking bare foot through Paris CDG airport. Finally manage to get them on but spend the rest of the flight with my feet being clamped in a vice.

Paris CDG is a fairly easy transfer and then it’s a short Air France flight to Manchester. Nice leaving SLC later and getting into Manchester mid afternoon but prefer the SLC to Atlanta and then to Manchester route.

Kurt picks us up and that’s it a great summer in paradise at an end.
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Off now to write a new musical “The Book of Islam”. The religion of pieces and permanent offence provides such a wealth of great material and it’s just what this so called religion needs to desensitise it.

Hopefully be able to have it’s Premier in Tehran.

Only problem is finding someone brave enough to write the music and a cast.