Monthly Archives: April 2017

20170410 – Goodbye To Paradise; Back In 6 Weeks; First Class Flights Again

Monday – cool and sunny.

Another lazy day as I hobble around on my crutches.

Wendy starts the big clean up. I sort boots and get my skis all tucked up in the ski locker ready for next year.

Well it looks like we’ll miss this years Pond skimming at Park City:

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For the avoidance of any doubt even that hot bed of bedwetting liberal wankers, the European Court oF Human Rights, sees Sharia law as a threat to democracy:

ECHR Judgement Summary: “sharia law is incompatible with democracy and human rights”
Source: “Annual Report 2003 of the European Court of Human Rights, Council of Europe.

Given that the stated aim of muslims is the adoption of Sharia law worldwide it must therefore follow that Islam is incompatible with democracy and therefore a threat to our democratic way of life.

Smell the coffee before it’s too late. If in doubt go read the Quran.

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Political Correctness – the beginning of the end

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Lazy day again. Wendy’s still tidying up. She’s volunteering at the hospital in the morning.

High ho, High ho off to work she goes.

I’m off via Uber to a PCMSC summer activities co-ordinators meeting. I’m co-ordinating a new activity the clubs trying to introduce of leisure bike rides. Good meeting with all the co-ordinaters at Chucks house. Most of them are old hands at this and know one another, I’m the new kid on the block. Free beer, wine and enough pizza to feed the cast of Ben Hur, makes it a very pleasant meeting. Good news is my Percocet seems to be ok with moderate alcohol. I’m resisting swilling the tablets down with wine.

I was planning on leading at least one Leisure bike rides week as well as co-ordinating – leading by example, also leading one Leisure hike a week. Hopefully I’ll be fully recovered and fit enough by June as I was really looking forward to it. If not then I’ll just have to focus on co-ordinating from my sun lounger. Also trying to set up an Archery activity for the club.

Meanwhile Carol and Angela call round to say goodbye.

Then it’s a lazy evening watching TV.

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

CT Scan of my hips. Enough to give anyone nightmares.

Another lazy day chasing up the insurance company to see whether they can get us on the SLC to Las Vegas and then Virgin upper class to Manchester. They’re a nightmare to deal with. Never ring back as promised. End up going with a Friday flight the 1st class flight to Atlanta and then business class to Manchester – no 1st class on that route so we’ll have to slum it. Gives an extra day to pack etc and enjoy the sunshine on our balcony.

Neighbours bring round corn bread cakes for the cripple, delicious – it’s an American thing.

Moose on main:

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Brits on the (tight-fisted) Scots:
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are planning a party. “I’ll bring six pints of bitter,” says the Englishman. “I’ll bring six pints of Guinness,” says the Irishman. “I’ll bring six friends,” says the Scot.

The Belgians on the (parsimonious) Dutch:
Dutch husband to Dutch wife: “Put your coat on, dear.” “Why, darling, are we going out?” “No, I am. So I’ll just turn the heating off.”
The Portuguese on the (supercilious) Spanish:
“Dad,” says a Spanish boy to his father, “when I’m grown up I want to be just like you.” “That’s nice, son. Why?” “So I can have a son like me!”

The Italians on themselves:
Three reasons Jesus is an Italian: only an Italian son would live with his mama till he was 30. Only an Italian son could think his mama was still a virgin. Only an Italian mama could think her son was God.

The Belgians on the (arrogant) French:
Why did the French choose the cockerel as their national symbol? Because it’s the only animal that sings when it’s knee-deep in shit.

The Swedes on the (dim-witted) Norwegians:
Why do Norwegians have such greasy hair? They’ve let their oil go to their heads.

The Danes on the (overbearing) Swedes:
What’s the best ever thing to have come to us from Sweden? An empty ferry.

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What a load of Dhimis we’ve become:

Sainsbury’s and Asda won’t stock Christian Easter egg – but they DO put halal ones on their shelves
* Sainsbury’s and Asda have both refused to stock the Real Easter Egg 
* The egg features a booklet that explains the significance of Easter to Christians
* But both stock a halal Easter egg made by the Belgium firm Guylian
* Supermarkets have been accused of ‘whitewashing’ Christianity from Easter

Wake up before it’s too late.

Thursday – hot and sunny.

Leisurely morning packing. As we have lockable cupboard space we have the luxury of being able to leave all our winter clothes, ski gear, skis, mountain bike and foodstuffs. Amazing that suitcase was still pretty full.

First class travel SLC to Atlanta – on Friday.

Helen and George pick us up at lunch time and we go to the Mexican in Midway for lunch. We’ve heard a lot about it and have to say it’s pretty good. Then we’re off on a tour of camp sites in Heber and Jordanelle. What a gorgeous day it is and so much more fun than another day of cabin fever.

Back home for afternoon tea on the balcony in the glorious sunshine.

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Drinking Wine Exercises Your Brain More Than Doing Math, Says the Smartest Scientist Ever

Skip the calculus and pick up a glass of Malbec instead.

Yes even I get a drink.

Our brains need constant exercise to stay in tip-top shape (and no, trying to guess which Housewives will get caught up in the latest catfight doesn’t count). Crossword puzzles and Sudoku are all well and good, but a new book says that enjoying a glass of wine engages our brains even more than activities like solving math problems or listening to music.

In his new book, Neuroenology: How the Brain Creates the Taste of Wine, author Gordon Shepherd, a neuroscientist at Yale University, states that the flavor of wine “engages more of our brain than any other human behavior,” according to an NPR article. When we sip a glass of wine, thousands of taste and odor receptors are stimulated in our mouths, which triggers brain activity involving “pattern recognition, memory, value judgment, emotion, and of course, pleasure,” says the article.

And sipping wine is key; gulping it down doesn’t have the same effects. “If you take too large a sip, you’ve saturated your system,” Shepherd says.
So sniffing, sipping, and enjoying your glass of Merlot is the way to get a good brain workout in. Sounds like the best exercise ever.

Music to my taste buds. Break open another Zinfandel.

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EU Jokes – A fertile source
The Ukrainians on the (filthy rich but stupid) Russians:

“I’ve just bought a tie for $3,000.” “Idiot! You could have bought the same one just down the street for $5,000.”

The Macedonians on the (corrupt) Greeks:
A Greek motorist parks his car outside the parliament in Athens. “You can’t park here,” says the cop. “This is where our politicians work.” “That’s OK,” says the motorist. “It’s fitted with an alarm.”

Portugal On Spanish people
– How do you recognize a Spaniard in a library?
– He is the only one to look after a world map of Madrid ”
The jokes of Spanish people about Portuguese couldn’t remain unanswered. There is in Portugal a prolonged feeling towards the peninsular neighbor considered as an upstart and uppity “big brother.” Quite a few Portuguese have the satisfaction knowing that there are almost as many speakers of Portuguese as Spanish. But when it is about jokes, Portuguese people don’t mince their words and depict Spaniards as proud, arrogant and disdainful (Read more in French).

France – Luxembourg On Belgian people
Two Belgians are driving a truck and arrive at a bridge with a warning sign: maximum height 4 meters. They get off and measure their truck. It’s 6 meters high.
– What shall we do? asks the one.
– I don’t see any police, says the other one, so let’s drive on
The French always depict the Belgians as stupid people with strange accent and outdated words. The current version of “belgian joke” appeared in France after the Second World War, and has remained quite popular. One may find its origin at the time when Belgians came in great numbers in the North of France to work in factories and were assimilated as “strikebreaker” by local workers. It could be much older, as we find the French poet Charles Baudelaire writing in 1864: “All the Belgians, without exception, have empty cranium” (Read more in French).

Belgium On French people 
– Why do we say ‘going to the toilets’ in France and ‘going to the toilet’ in Belgium ?
– Because in France, you have to visit many of them before finding one clean enough.
Belgians soon started to answer back to their French neighbors, depicting them as rude, arrogant and with a superiority complex. The “arrogant Frenchman” stereotype was also fed by Charles De Gaulle, who both during World War II and later as President (1958-1969) expressed a very non-cooperative and independent view on world politics. Belgians sometimes make jokes such as the one above about the supposed lack of hygiene of French people (Read more in French).

On Dutch people
– Why do the Dutch people love the Belgian-jokes so much?
– They are cheap.
Belgian jokes about the Dutch generally refer to the Dutch stinginess. The Belgians can further amuse themselves laughing about each Dutch person owning a cheese slicer and a bicycle, two tools that also exist in Belgium but are far less common here than they are in The Netherlands (Read more in French).

United-Kingdom On Irish people
“Then there was the cross-eyed Irish teacher who resigned because he had no control over his pupils.”
Irish jokes have sinister origins. They originate in the simian portrayal of Irish people in English comic magazines of the mid-late 19th century – depicting the Irish as stupid apes given to agrarian and alcohol-fuelled violence against their benevolent and tolerant English masters. The Irish joke seems nevertheless to have survived the era of political correctness and has become nowadays much a kind of teasing between neighbors (Read more in French).

On British people 
– What does an Englishman do for thrills?
– Eats an After Eight mint at 7:30.
Irish jokes have recently been reclaimed by Irish people themselves and reversed to ridicule the Englishmen and their jokes. There is sometimes a debate to discuss whether Irish jokes made by Englishmen were racist or not. But the shift in humor between both countries seems to have changed in nature (Read more in French).

Friday – hot and sunny.

Business class flight to Manchester – at least they have Champagne.

We’ve been upgraded to First class. Courtesy of my fractured hip and our new Amex travel insurance. Question is will I ever get travel insurance again with my track record?

All very civilised. Some say I have a break each year just to avoid cattle class.

Delta lounge is very comfortable and a good choice of food and drinks. Access criteria for Delta airport lounge seems to be have a big gut or giant boobs that stops you seeing your genitalia.

But don’t I just love the customer first service where they announce boarding, even send you a text, and then when you get to the gate you have to hang around for another 10 minutes. All for their convenience. Has it never occurred to them that customers get wise to it and therefore ignore boarding calls – result.

Delta Business class cabin.

First class and no champagne, no brandy, well perhaps they can turn some water into wine then I can sin and drink during the day. You do get a hot meal with proper cutlery, including a knife – obvious no Islamic terrorist would ever pay these prices.

Roomy seats but you can’t stretch legs out horizontally. As for the toilet. Well anyone joining the mile high club in that must be Cirque de Solei contortionist as well as a horny devil. Certainly not worth the money.

Typical married mans interrogation by her in doors.

Wendy: Did YOU turn the heating up at home?
Tony: No.
Wendy: Why didn’t YOU?
Tony: I forgot. Why didn’t YOU turn it up?

Pretty impressive cabin layout. Very similar layout and service to Virgin Upper class. Continental quilts and soft pillows but alas no jim jams. Mind you virgin, only a shadow of its former self, no longer has personal chef or on board masseur.
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The Estonians on the (hard-drinking) Finns:
Two Finns meet up for the first time in years. “So how are you?” asks Pekka. Ahti grunts and orders a beer. “And how’s the family?” asks Pekka. Ahti grunts and orders another beer. “And how’s work?” asks Pekka, three pints later. “Look,” says Ahti, “did we come here to drink, or to talk?”

On the runway.

The Germans on the (thieving) Poles:
When is it Christmas in Poland? Two days after Christmas in Germany.

The Swiss on the (not very bright) Austrians:
Why is the Austrian flag red-white-red? So they don’t get too confused when they hoist it.

The Austrians on the (boring) Germans:
The main difference between Austrians and the Germans is that Germans would like to understand Austrians but can’t, and Austrians understand Germans but would rather not.

The Slovaks on the (despised) Czechs:
What does a Czech need to be happy? Not much, as long as everyone else has got less.

The Romanians on the (mean-spirited) Hungarians:
“I’ve had all the tests, and the doctor tells me there’s no question, I’m xenophobic. That’s another bloody illness the Hungarians have given me.”

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It’s not a war on terror. Terror is a tactic, is like saying a war on bombs. It focuses on the tool of the enemy and not the enemy itself. Islamic Extremists are at war with us. And it’s not racist or Islamophobic to recognise that they are at war with us, rather it’s being realistic. The sooner our politicians and the do gooder bed wetting liberals realise it the better.

Saturday – hot and sunny.


Best nights sleep since I broke my hip. You can play for hours on these bed / seats, adjusting pitch, angle, firmness. Bugger sleeping tablets. In future for a good nights sleep try a concoction of champagne, red wine, cocktail and brandy. Works like a dream. Wendy’s not so happy too much noise from the spring clean going on in the kitchen. Marvellous, she has a bed, continental quilt, pillow and luxury and she complains.

Flight arrives early and then we have to wait on tarmac because our gates not ready. Bloody marvellous service isn’t it. When we set off they knew to within the minute what time we’d arrive in Manchester and yet they can’t have a gate ready. Great customer service yet again.

No queuing at immigration, straight to the front of the cripples queue.

Home sweet home. Freezing cold but it’s home. Two fan heaters and we’re sorted as central heating takes as long as climate change to heat the house up to inhabitable levels.

Manage to stay awake until 20:00.
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Pat Condell on Angry losers:

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Greatest George Carlin Quotes

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.

20170404 – Blind Boys Of Alabama

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Well I had a pain free night. I’m ok if sitting or lying down, it’s just movement that can hurt. Having to sleep on my back all night though is not my idea of slumber bliss. And those dam Percocet give me nightmares, I’m waking up every 30 minutes with the same stupid recurring night mare, on top of that they certainly fuddle your brain. As for pain killing well they’re not that impressive. Decide to give them up in favour of wine. Who knows I can probably sell them as they have a good street value.

Why would anyone want to be in such a befuddled state?

Wendy cancels going to the hospital in case I fall, break something else, need help or in my befuddled sate suddenly have an irrepressible urge to cook a meal or use the dishwasher.

Got to come next year now as I’ve paid for my season pass.

Beatrix enjoys her new blanket. Lexi tries to sneak on t.

We have a few “discussions” – well really just a monologue from Wendy – about not skiing next year. Too late, I’ve bought next years ski pass.

Lazy day, interspersed with phone calls to insurance company, airlines and doctor.

It take 95 minutes and 11 different department to finally get through to the Amex Emergency Support line to register my incident. When I tried yesterday they even told me they were closed. Unbelievable. What if you’re lying on a gurney, bleeding to death and you need them to authorise payment before the hospital will apply a tourniquet. You’d have no chance. I get through to one department, asked her what her name was and she instantly transferred me to another department. Perhaps they knew her name but it’s dire when the staff are that thick they don’t even know their own name – perhaps they’re all on these Percocet tablets.

Half of them don’t listen, their English is appalling and are just too keen to pass you onto someone else.

After that episode I think a whole bottle of Zinfandel is called for to calm me down and get me back on my surfboard of life.

This especially applies to Jasper.

Barbara pops round to see how we are and offer any help. In true American tradition she’s bringing round a pot roast for us. It’s a standard American response when someones injured, or rambling on about Amex call centres in the aftermath of Percocet.

Got a nice call from Jasper who’s worried that I’ve hurt my leg. He says I’m a “silly Billy” and wants to come back to our American house.

In the evening Helen and George come round for dinner. We finally gave up on the blind dog after exhausting their supply of ink and diaries with so many changes.

What a great evening we had. Italian takeaway and lots of wine, fun and laughter trying to put the World to rights – some of the best medicine, although the state of the world and our crackpot politicians is enough to make you lose the will to live. They really are amazing company, such good friends and have been oh so helpful.

Jere and Diane pop in to see how we are and say good bye. I think everyones wanting to check it out for themselves, they really can’t believe it – they’re not the only ones – and probably suspect it’s a delayed April fools joke.
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EU Jokes – Plenty of fertile material to go at

The eurozone leaders are looking for a stimulus package. Silvio Berlusconi suggests two Viagra and a Red Bull.

My wife misunderstood my son when he asked for some Play-Doh for Christmas. She got him a load of euros.

Q: How do you know it’s going to be a double-dip recession?
A: Greek exports of taramosalata and tzatziki have plunged.

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece.
The mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor, he wondered aloud how on earth he could afford such a house.

The Spaniard replied: ‘You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to construct a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end, I could build this place.’

The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek mayor’s house: gold taps, marble floors, diamond doorknobs, it was marvellous.

When he asked how he’d raised the money to build this incredible house, the Greek mayor said: ‘You see that bridge over there?’

The Spaniard replied: ‘No.’

Breaking news: The eurozone financial crisis will soon be over as Greece has received an unconditional €100bn bailout offer.
All they have to do is email their account details to the anonymous daughter of wealthy, but deceased African general…

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The extent to which the threat of radical Islam is finally hitting home to even those in the European establishment is demonstrated by the call for a Europe-wide burka ban from the EU’s largest political grouping.

This is now official policy for the European People’s Party, the biggest group in the European Parliament with 216 MEPs in its ranks, who adopted the measure for a full EU-wide burka ban at its annual congress.

Angela Merkel’s party is in the group as is Jean-Claude Juncker, along with a bunch of other establishment parties across the whole of the continent

Manfred Weber is in Merkel’s German CDU/CSU alliance and is also the EPP’s Leader in the European Parliament. He has said explicitly: “We want a total ban of face covering in the EU.”

The motion also calls for “the avoidance of concentrating thousands of third-country nationals in any one location” and “mandatory integration requirements”.

What used to be dismissed as far-right, xenophobic and extreme is now mainstream. Increasingly even those in the political mainstream can see that Europe must start asserting its culture and identity if it is to effectively combat radical Islam. With attacks in Paris, Brussels, London, Stockholm, Berlin and elsewhere, we need words to be followed with swift action now.

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

Another pain free but sleepless night.

Perhaps this should be my standard ski gear for next year.

Thankfully I’ve now reconciled myself to it. Stopped running endless “if only….” scenarios. Now I’ve got to get on with it, get better quickly ready for our return in summer. And yes I will be back next ski season. Never give up.

Wendy’s decided to trust me, so she’s gone off to the Christian centre for the morning. Meanwhile I’m resisting the urge to venture into the kitchen, watch TV or start drinking wine.

Carol pops round to see the invalid and haVE a chat. In typical American fashion she brings round cookies for us. Then Sharee, past president of the PCMS club, pops round for a chat and with a chilli for our dinner. It’s such an American thing, they’re oh so friendly and helpful anyway, but when someones ill or injured they all rally round. Especially in the PCMS club.


I’ve only been taking these percocet tablets on and off, keeping them to an absolute minimum as they can addle your brain – hopefully only short term. But I’m trying a new regime and taking them consistently, as directed, and it seems that they are so much better at pain relief that way. They have me galloping around the house on my crutches. Who knows cartwheels next week.

Watching TV whilst on percocet is a real challenge. Normally we nod off through most programmes but these drugs have the added advantage of appearing awake but my brains stopped. Yes, it seems that they can stop your brain, put you into a NOOP loop and stop your thinking. Still at least after many repeats we’re both onto the final episode of the “Young Pope”. It’s that weird and quirky that I’m not sure whether its the drugs or the actual crazy programme.

Decide it’s time to venture upstairs to bed, rather than the settee. Manage it ok by shuffling up and back down on my arse. Has all the elegance of a Walrus trying to climb stairs but its effective. Now I know how Daleks must have felt when they encountered stairs in their way of World domination.
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Greatest George Carlin Quotes

You can’t argue with a good blowjob.

Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.

So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.

When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.

The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.

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Hell, I should have voted REMAIN:

Barista shortage threatens to make coffee shops grind to a halt.

Demand for our daily flat white or cappuccino fix may show no sign of running out of steam, but a looming shortage of baristas is threatening to scupper the coffee shop revolution.

Research shows that Britain’s coffee shop operators will need to hire another 40,000 baristas to cater for their expansion programmes over the next six years.
There are about 150,000 baristas working in the UK, many from overseas, and experts are warning that any curbs on immigration from European Union countries after Brexit could severely hamper the industry’s growth projections.

Thursday – hot and sunny.

Yeah, not a bad nights sleep and the drug induced nightmares seem to have taken flight. At least I’ve not been attacked by the killer clown balloons. Breakfast in bed, how neat is that, and at last a shower.

Fortunately I know where they are, perhaps just need to keep a better eye out for ice boulders.

Wendy’s off down to Tangier Outlets to take part, with Helen, in yet another 100 yard trolley dash – soon to be an Olympic event, followed by lunch. Given Helens stunning ski performance of yesterday – 35,000 feet and black diamonds – I’m surprised she’s not cancelled and challenged George. Just goes to show how much better she can do when not skiing with Jonah. What a hero and role model. She’s had 4 sled rides down the mountain and three broken bones yet still skies – Wendy I hope you’re taking note. Next year she’ll be able to push my ski envelope and get me back on form.

Well the good news is Wendy seems to have given up on the, abandon skiing and take up tiddlywinks monologue. Locals ski pass booked and now I’m sharing a locker next year with George and Helen – so no lugging skis and boots up to the mountain each day.

Quiet day for me. Help fend off rickets with some sun and afternoon tea on the balcony.

Sticking with the recommended percocet dose, not skipping a dose, seems to work best and get the maximum pain relief.

In the evening Barbara and Steve, neighbours, come round for a drink. I could quaff down a good Zinfandel but manage to resist and just have one glass, well perhaps it was nearly two.

Friday – cool, cloudy and windy.

Breakfast in bed again. Save a trip back upstairs for a shower.

Uber to the hospital for follow up with Dr Pidwell. What a great service Uber is. You can see exactly what’s going on; timings tend to be accurate; everything charges straight to my credit card; no need for cash and best of all no need for tipping.

Uber back home and drop Wendy off at the Christian centre. I get a quiet afternoon in. What is it with percocet? It helps with the pain but you end up constipated. Feel as bunged up as a Hummingbird trying to lay an Ostrich egg. Pity I’m not allowed to ski, as standing at the top of “Ericas Gold”, merely looking down, is a guaranteed all natural cure for constipation. I’m pretty sure I must be emotionally constipated as well – I haven’t given a crap all week.

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EU Jokes – Plenty of fertile material to go at

European paradise:
You are invited to an official lunch. You are welcomed by an Englishman. Food is prepared by a Frenchman and an Italian puts you in the mood and everything is organised by a German.
European hell:
You are invited to an official lunch. You are welcomed by a Frenchman. Food is prepared by an Englishman, German puts you in the mood but, don’t worry, everything is organised by an Italian.

That joke was proposed by a Belgian as the Official European Joke, the joke that every single European pupil should learn at school. The Joke will improve the relationship between the nations as well as promote our self humour and our culture.
The European Council met in order to make a decision. Should the joke be the Official European Joke or not?
The British representative announced, with a very serious face and without moving his jaw, that the joke was absolutely hilarious.
The French one protested because France was depicted in a bad way in the joke. He explained that a joke cannot be funny if it is against France.
Poland also protested because they were not depicted in the joke.
Luxembourg asked who would hold the copyright on the joke. The Swedish representative didn’t say a word, but looked at everyone with a twisted smile.
Denmark asked where the explicit sexual reference was. If it is a joke, there should be one, shouldn’t there?
Holland didn’t get the joke, while Portugal didn’t understand what a « joke » was. Was it a new concept?
Spain explained that the joke is funny only if you know that the lunch was at 13h, which is normally breakfast time. Greece complained that they were not aware of that lunch, that they missed an occasion to have some free food, that they were always forgotten. Romania then asked what a « lunch » was.
Lithuania et Latvia complained that their translations were inverted, which is unacceptable even if it happens all the time. Slovenia told them that its own translation was completely forgotten and that they do not make a fuss. Slovakia announced that, unless the joke was about a little duck and a plumber, there was a mistake in their translation. The British representative said that the duck and plumber story seemed very funny too.
Hungary had not finished reading the 120 pages of its own translation yet.
Then, the Belgian representative asked if the Belgian who proposed the joke was a Dutch speaking or a French speaking Belgian. Because, in one case, he would of course support a compatriot but, in the other case, he would have to refuse it, regardless of the quality of the joke.
To close the meeting, the German representative announced that it was nice to have the debate here in Brussels but that, now, they all had to make the train to Strasbourg in order to take a decision. He asked that someone to wake up the Italian, so as not to miss the train, so they can come back to Brussels and announce the decision to the press before the end of the day.
« What decision? » asked the Irish representative.
And they all agreed it was time for some coffee.

Saturday – cold, sleet and snow.

The Blind Boys of Alabama at the Egyptian theatre.

A lazy morning.

At the Egyptian theatre with family Schmitt.

Hal, Carol and Angela come round for dinner and then Hals got us tickets to the “Blind Boys of Alabama” on at the Egyptian theatre. Not really our thing, but like all things you should try them once. It was a great evening, we really enjoyed it and it had them dancing in the aisles. Quite interesting to see the Americans letting their hair down, how boisterous they can be. Not quite as reserved as a UK audience.

Yet another awesome evening with great friends and new experiences. Thanks Hal for the tickets.
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Muhammad and the Daughters of Allah:
A Summation of the Evidence for the Satanic Verses

This piece of nonsense that Muslims want covered up relates to the issue of Muhammad reciting verses which he later retracted and claimed were from Satan, hence the name the “Satanic Verses.” According to certain Muslim sources these verses, which were originally part of Sura 53:19-23, centered specifically on the three goddesses worshiped by the pagans of Arabia called Allat, al-Uzza and Manat. Initially Muhammad praised and confirmed the existence of three goddesses worshipped by pagans by confirming their ability to intercede before Allah. This caused the pagans to bow in worship and also praise Muhammad for speaking highly of their idols. Later Muhammad, the messenger of a Allah, claimed that his statements were not from God but from Satan who caused him to slip! So how come a supreme being could not stop any cross channel interference?

Then of course Salmond Rushdie wrote a novel based on this and for his trouble the religion of pieces and permanent offence got offended and issued death threats. Now there’s a surprise.

Sunday – cold and snow.

POWDER ALERT, POWDER ALERT. 8″ of Utah’s finest. Crack of sparrows start to catch first tracks. Hang on there, sawbones says no. These crutches make crap ski poles. Bugger. No doubt this will be the last POWDER day of the season. It closes next weekend.

Lazy day instead. Wendy makes a short trip out on the bus to do some shopping.

Then we pack ski boots and gear ready for our departure on Thursday. It’s great here because we’ve got lockout cupboards where we can leave our gear locked up ready for our return in June. Bedroom lockout has all our jumpers, anoraks and ski pants etc hung up, boots, helmets and other gears in duffel bags; kitchen lockout has food, wine and brandy; garage has two lockouts with skis in; mountain bike is left in garage. A real home from home.

Then, after 17:00 of course, we catch up on loads of TV. Really spoilt for choice as we have access to all UK TV, HBO NOW, Netflix, Sky UK and now PBS. Keeping track of them all is a full time job.

20170328 – Who Put That Frigging Ice Berg On The Slopes.

Tuesday – cold and sunny.

Awesome days skiing with Helen. 4″ fresh powder, nice and cold. Much easier skiing on Utah’s finest powder rather than ice or a slush puppy. Then dragged kicking and screaming to Tipsy Tuesday for a couple of beers – Cutthroat is actually quite good.

Get to catch up on TV in the evening. Our social whirl seems to have calmed down.

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Greatest George Carlin Quotes

Beatrix enjoying Helns handmade blanket.

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

“When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.

And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

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Many non-Muslims have not wanted to look too closely into Islam. It’s upsetting. They choose to believe that Islam is “peaceful” and “tolerant” (as Muslim apologists keep assuring them). That’s a comforting fiction, but also dangerous, as it minimizes the menace, and keeps too many in the imperiled West whistling in the dark. It is especially disturbing to see those in positions of power, who are supposed to instruct and protect us, choose rather to dismiss Islamic terrorism as “having nothing to do with Islam,” or as being carried out by “misunderstanders of Islam” (Barack Obama). Others declare that Muslim terrorists “defame” Islam (General Mattis), or insist that what those terrorists do constitutes a “perversion of the faith” (General McMaster, Theresa May).

Yeah, May signs the Article 50 letter.

No matter how many times Muslim terrorists declare quite clearly the justification for their attacks by quoting from the Qur’an and Hadith, no matter how many learned clerics similarly justify these attacks by citing Islamic jurisconsults, many of us Infidels still refuse to connect Islam to Islamic terrorism, and further declare that anyone who does so is guilty of Islamophobia, an unpardonable offense in today’s topsy-turvy world.

Islamic fundamentalists are at war with us. Go read the Quran, it’s all in there. Clear instructions.

One Jew, a Holocaust survivor, who was asked what he had learned from the Second World War, replied: “When somebody says he wants to kill you, you should believe him.” Everything is so clear and obvious, yet, we do not want to learn.

As for the moderate Muslims. Well yes of course they exist, but their voice is a mere whisper in the wilderness, you certainly don’t hear them shouting from the minarets. They may well disagree with the violence but fear, community pressure and risk of being declared an apostate – we all know what their fate is – stops them from speaking out. How many have co-operated with the government programmes? How many have told the authorities of the terrorists in their midst?

Wednesday – cool and sunny.

Free days skiing at Deer Valley, courtesy of a voucher from Bob. Ideal chance to re-evaluate Deer Valley, should I buy a season pass here next year? It’s a great blue bird day.

Article 50 letter is delivered. At last we’re on our way out.

On the plus side the lodges and lounges are luxurious; coffees cheaper; free newspapers. They don’t have toilets nor restrooms but have luxurious, clean gentlemen’s lounges complete with Orchids. No lift lines. Best of all no scumboarders.

But it’s oh so icy. Worst of all it seems so busy and crowded. Despite there being no scumboarders I’m constantly looking over my shoulder. Seems so busy and yet it’s only mid week. I would dread to be here on a busy weekend.

Conclusion I’ll stick with Park City. The runs are much wider, more of them and a phenomenal ability to soak up the skiers once you’re on the mountain. Best of all the locals pass is half the price at $600, with 6 buddy passes, 6 ski with a friend and free lift access over summer.

Well today is our 1776 moment as we finally fire the starting gun on our escape from the Evil Union.

Yeah, at last we’re on our way out of the Evil Union.

Shortly after 4.30pm yesterday, Mrs May signed a letter notifying the European Council of Britain’s intention to leave the EU. Once the letter is handed over today, two years of talks will begin on the terms of withdrawal allowed under Article 50 of the Lisbon treaty.

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EU Jokes – It’s No Laughing Matter
A Greek, an Irishman and a Portuguese go into a bar and order a drink. Who picks up the bill?
A German.

The Eurozone credit ratings are like a frying pan.
Greece at the bottom…

The starting gun is fired on our escape from the Evil Union.

Oh dear. The eurozone’s Facebook page has changed its currency status from ‘single’ to ‘it’s complicated’.

NEWS FLASH: Greece has approached the IMF for a €60bn loan after they were turned down by Wonga

In heaven: the cooks are French,
the policemen are English,
the mechanics are German,
the lovers are Italian,
and the bankers are Swiss.

In hell: the cooks are English,
the policemen are German,
the mechanics are French,
the lovers are Swiss
and the bankers are Italian.

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I’m sure the Evil Union will be out to make an example of us and make us suffer. But we should stand no messing from them, we should pay our dues, honour any agreements but any belligerence from them, then let’s just walk out and revert to WTO. After all the tariffs cut both ways.

“There must be consequences when you leave,” one senior European source said. “British people must feel it. Damage is important to show that EU membership means something in terms of people’s lives. A damage-free Brexit will be a big problem for the story of why the EU is necessary.”

Meanwhile here in the American press there’s not a mention of Article 50. They’re all too busy coping with Trump.

Thursday – rain, sleet and snow.

Chicken out of skiing today. It’s raining down here and looks like a white out on the mountain. Forecast is for rain, sleet and snow most of the day. Not done bad so far this season as I’m on day 46 of skiing. That works out at just under $14 a day.

Fiona’s ski boots. They cost the grand sum of $0.50.

Blistering barnacles if it doesn’t turn out sunny most of the morning. That’ll teach me to trust a weather forecast. Go for a bike ride down to the Old Barn. They have a bike repair station there so I pump up my tyres and tighten up my brakes.

Go and meet Wendy at the Christian Centre. Off up to Main Street to try on this vivid blue Marmot ski jacket. Awesome colour and it looks like I’ll have to go for Large.

Then it’s back to the CC to pick up a trolley load of food we’ve been given. Two ginormous cakes, ones Key Lime, big enough to feed 10. Tough look for Fiona she’s dipped out on it.

Why do I call Park City paradise? Well apart from the awesome mountains and skiing in winter. There’s a great social life. Summer bring biking and hiking in those mountains, along with free concerts most evenings.

Then there’s the bus service. Not only is it FREE but it also has FREE onboard WIFI. How neat is that and the driver are oh so helpful and friendly.

Mind you I’ve not come across “70 dark eyed, full breasted, perpetual virgins”.
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The way we treat our armed police officers is really disturbing. They get well trained and then in an incident have a split second to make a life or death decision. Then if they shoot they’re suspended and hung out to dry.

Now I realise we can’t just give them carte blanch to shoot anyone who offends them. But come on there has to be a better way. Surely they should always be given the benefit of the doubt.

Marine Le Pen, the National Front presidential election candidate, wants to go even further, and has announced her intention to create a “presumption of legitimate defence” for officers who shoot a suspect. This would place the onus on the suspect’s family to prove that the shooting was unlawful.

Interesting approach.

Friday – cold and snowing.

Spring is here.

8″ new snow overnight. Can’t miss that, especially as I wont be skiing tomorrow. Forecast sounds ok. WRONG. Petra flops of processing power; terabytes of data; IBM Watson AI; more models than Hornby train sets in a toy shop; a cast of thousands; and still they get it wrong.

It’s bucketing it down with snow. Visibility is so bad even Heathcliff of “Withering Heights” acclaim would be lost. Add to that flat light and you’ve got the makings of yet another crazy skier pin.

Time for a well earned coffee and do my blog.

Saw the ultimate in hardiness, or was it stupidity, as a guy skis in a Spyder jumper. Everyone else is out in there extreme weather gear, but not this geezer. It’s a love your goretex day. But there has to be something magical about skiing on such a day.

Pick the hertz mobile up. This time we get a Jeep Compass SUV, a good upgrade from a 2 door Nissan micro or similar.

Now we’re mobile it’s a good opportunity to do some shopping – joy.

In the evening we catch up on a wealth TV. It’s becoming a major task keeping on top of where we’re up to with all the programs and a real memory test on plots. When will they simplify characters with one off of each male, female, bald, with hair, black, white. Either that or name tags or colour code them.
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Greatest George Carlin Quotes

I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

“No comment” is a comment.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

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After the recent Westminster Bridge terrorist attack deputy assistant Metropolitan police commissioner said:

Jasper finally gives Beatrix a cuddle.

They’ve arrested many people in connection with the attack, but they say he acted alone. He was a “very religious” Muslim following an Islamic State modus operandi — running down people in a car and then getting out and stabbing — that other Islamic jihadis have followed in the recent past, and they say, “We must all accept that there is a possibility we will never understand why he did this.”

British officials don’t admit that there is an Islamic jihad against Britain and the non-Muslim world in general, and so of course they don’t understand why he did this. When the last pockets of resistance are conquered and Sharia is fully implemented in Britain, the last Briton who remembers that Britain was once a free society but, like the overwhelming majority of his countrymen, is concerned above all to observe politically correct niceties and never appear “racist,” will say of his new masters and overlords: “We must all accept that there is a possibility we will never understand why they conquered and subjugated us.”

Thankfully he wasn’t around in the 2nd World War when the V2 Rockets rained down on London, as I’m sure he’d have been there saying “We don’t understand where they’ve come from.”

Come on get real. Smell the coffee they, islamic fundamentalists from the religion of pieces and permanent offence, are at war with us. Their aim is World domination by islam and will not stop until we are all dhimmis subjugated under sharia law. Doubt it? Go read the quran.

Saturday – hot and sunny.

Shopping. New pair of Levis for me all of $16.

Wendy gets her fix at the supermarket, I get mine at Starbucks.

After lunch I go for a bike ride down the rail trail. Then bugger me if I don’t fall off my bike as I come to a halt at our garage. One of those really embarrassing moments, a bit like when you fall as you come to a standstill on your skis. Perhaps I’ll have to take up Tiddlywinks, Bridge or chess.

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Qur’an Gangbang episode 9: Total Plagiarism

Sunday – cool and snowing

Rain and snow forecast but after a day off I need to ski so I risk it.

Where is everyone. I came on the bus thinking parking would be difficult but there’s fewer cars than Christians at a prayer meeting in Tehran.

Wow it’s as icy as Europe on a bad day. Quarter load, a green off Crescent, and the main route down is sheet ice. It looks perfectly groomed, you can see the perfect corduroy, but It’s under a thin layer of sheet ice. Should have bought my Hockey skates. Then it’s onto teeth rattling crud. It’s rain, sleet and snow depending how high up the mountain you are.

At least on the plus side visibility is not bad and there’s no queues.

Well time to buy my locals season pass for next year. $639 and not like me to say it but great value. $49 now and the rest in September. 6 buddy pass and 6 ski with a friends worth about $300 and then there’s free lift access all summer.

Next year I really need to get super fit before I come out and make the most of February and early March. Also need to ski iron mountain side of the Canyons more – Copperhead and Alpenglow are just two awesome runs over there. This spring skiing on slush and ice is not fun.

Time for a very early coffee and some blogging while it softens up out there.

After lunch we go round to the apes ski party. Good food and company. Best of my first wine in a week.

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The simple pleasure of a bike ride in the fresh mountain air in the sunshine with all this glorious scenery around you.

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Monday – cool and sunny.

Yeah it’s our 46th Wedding anniversary.

Off skiing with Helen. Then disaster happens.

How did it happen this year. Well this has to be the 10th time I’ve related this today. I’m 5 foot 8 inches tall, weigh 186 pounds, I was wearing a helmet, I wasn’t skiing fast, I did fall, regrettably I had not been drinking……

I’m coming down and there’s a guy ahead of me on the ground and his skis uphill from him so I start to slow down to pick his ski up for him and see if he’s ok. Then I see it. A 2 foot ice bolder on the run. Yet again Newtons laws of motion are seen to be observed and I go over the top and land on my reinforced femur yet again.

The guy on the ground really perks me up by saying “Yeah that’s what just got me.”

He gets up and lugs the ice bolder off to the side. I get up and think about skiing down. A tad painful so I call on my buddies in the ski patrol to sled me down, yet again.

The rest is just a repeat. X-ray in the medical centre, no breaks showing but they despatch me to PC hospital for a CAT scan.

Don’t you just love the nurse screening questions, especially “am I depressed”. You bet. 3rd year in a row I’ve had an accident. And best of all it’s the same dam leg. At least this year I got 49 days skiing in.

Anyway CAT scan reveals a broken hip. “But you’re lucky” says the doctor. I can walk on it, no surgery needed and it will heal itself. Interesting use of the word lucky, but hey ho it could have been a hell of a lot worse. Walk on it but no skiing. What about day 50?

The one advantage is that being a regular everyone’s on first name terms and we’re on Christmas card lists.

Wrong place, wrong time. What a bitch. If only the Yurt had been open we’d have stopped for coffee and missed it. If only I’d followed Helen to the right around the trees. If only I’d not bothered to try and pick his ski up. If only…. If only….

Bugger Luke 10:25-37, I’m beginning to think ski by is the new philosophy.

Remember that all important saying:

“Accept the things you can’t change; have the courage to change those things you can; and the wisdom to know the difference”.

Time to get back on the surfboard of life.

Thankfully our good friends Helen and George are there for us. Now they’ve upgraded from Uber to Ambulance drivers.

Get back home. Percocet tablets for pain and some Zinfandel for my sanity. Sleep downstairs, fortunately there’s no pain sitting, sleeping or drinking. It’s just when I’m swinging along on my crutches, fortunately I’ve not forgotten my training – “up with the good, down with the bad”. It’s a bit like “plane face edge, plane face side, gauge and plane to wide, gauge and plane to thickness”. How could I ever forget. If anybodies confused by that then email me and I’ll explain.

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Says it all. Thank the FSM I’d bought next years season pass yesterday.

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“What the politicians have done to our country over last 15 years may affect the way we live for the next 100 years.”

So true. The brainless multicultural experiment from the bed wetting liberals has truly screwed us.