Monthly Archives: May 2014

20140430 – Time To Taunt The French; Oradour sur Glen; Poy Du Fou

Wednesday – dry and sunny.

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Yes, Victors back with more tales of rank stupidity; rants and a record of our travels for the aged. When you can’t remember what you 
 
Victor’s Law of Female Timeliness – the time to get ready always expands to fill the time available to your departure deadline.
 
Has anyone noticed how women somehow always manage to fill the time available. Even if you get up hours ahead of time, with car loaded and everything done, they can manage to fill the time, vacuuming, dusting, moving furniture, you name it, and be ready to walk out the door just 1 nano-second before the agreed departure time. And that’s on a good day, usually it’s at least 15 minutes late!
 
Hells bells and set fire to it, depleted. Me wines nearly all gone. Must be evaporation! Time IMG 1113 to go taunt the French over Agincourt. Who knows I may even help their precious, overrated, subsidy sapping wine industry out by helping drain their wine lake and bring a small wine pond home. Actually considering my taxes have helped subsidise this wine lake you’d think as an EU citizen, even if a somewhat reluctant one, I’d get a discount.

Set off for the long drive to Portsmouth. As usual more road works – well bollards and 40MPH limits, but seeing anyone working was rarer than rocking horse dung. What’s all this “Smart Motorway” work? Is it a way of getting rid of 2 million miles of purple trunking that someone has been conned into buying or is it just more signs on gantries ever 4 feet to tell us that there’s road work or a traffic jam. What the hell are they putting in this lurid coloured trunking. Could it be fibre optic cables; rats; or raw sewage?

Arrive at Portsmouth early so have a mooch around and an overpriced afternoon tea at Gunwarf Quays Marina. Watching the boats go by and some burks, sorry dam predictive text burkas, trying to drink coffee without exposing or scalding themselves. Pity they didn’t have spaghetti Bolognese, now that would have been hilarious. Pots for rags, as they say.

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Customs decide to pull us in, want to have a look in my boot. I explain to them they’re wasting their time as it’s the size of a womans handbag, no room for explosives, flares, weapons or evan a pen knife. Yes, that’s right they’re looking for pen knifes. Since when has it been illegal to carry a pen knife. Before you can say “strike terror into the hearts of the unbelievers” they’ll be banning string – can be used as a garrotte – and sixpence – can choke on it. What will innocent and prepared boy scouts do?

Wendy gets her annual cruise after all. An overnight cruise Portsmouth to St Malo. Spare no expense this year. 

Wot no chocolate on the pillow; no cabin steward; no balcony. Oh how I’ve been deceived.

Just had our safety briefing. In the event of a critical situation the captain will give his orders – “Follow me”.

Thursday – grey and rainy.

The countries closed, worst than Wales on a wet Sunday in August. We’re in Airvault in the Loire IMG 3133 alley for the next two weeks. Hopefully the country may open sometime during our stay. Wendy’s dying to get to E Leclerc and Lidl. Looks like it’s fish and chip for tea then as the campsite Bistro is the only sign of sentient life for hundreds of miles around. Trust a Scotsmen to exploit an opportunity, while the French are all sat on their butts watching the economy go down the pan. Thank the FSM for good old GB enterprise – Hollande take note. 

Friday – mixed sun, cloud and rain.

Lazy start then it’s off to Lidl and E Leclerc. Yes the countries managed to rouse itself from slumber and apathy.

Saturday – sun and cloud.

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Lazy day. Well actually worked all day on our trip to South East USA for October 2015. Emailed all potential home exchangers in the area. Worst than being at work.

We’re in Little Britain at Airvault until 12th. Looks like the camp border control standards are slipping and going the way of UK Border Controls. Can you believe it there are Frenchies on the site, never mind I’m sure UKIP will sort it.

Sunday – sun and cloud and warm.

Another lazy day processing all the responses from yesterdays mail shot. Inundated with offers. Get some virtual pins on google earth to start to make some semblance of order of it. Need a holiday after all this work. In the meantime Wendy’s got her feet sunburnt.

Monday – sunny and hot 25C.

Morning slaving away on the SE USA emails. Afternoon we break our of our slumber and go for a walk to the local Intermarche – yes France has finally opened.

Tuesday – sunny and warm

Another morning slaving away. Then we drive down to Coulon (green venice) for a pleasant walk and lunch. We pass on a gondola ride as Wendy didn’t bring her water wings.

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In the evening a bottle ofSt Emillion seems to get the better of me. Stand no messing as I quaff it all down – no doubt that Hollande geezer will be awarding me the Order of Agricultural Merit or better still the Legion of Honour Medal for services to the French wine industry.

Oh well it looks like Pizza Express is off me list. Another Company helping islam on the way to the
caliphate / world domination. Mind you not going to Pizza Express will be no loss.
Black bin liners and beards for everyone – smell the coffee before it’s too late. Meanwhile I must stop reading that blood boiler Daily Mail. Don’t I just love the PC stupidity that’s rife in the UK. Within 24 hours we have; Halal in some Subways; Halal in all Pizza Express; bacon and ham abandoned in some Subways; Jeremy Clarkson being pilloried for racist remarks. Thank the FSM I’m not there.

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It’s goodbye Subway. Looks like their brains have dropped out. I’m not supporting any Company that is helping undermine my society and introduce Sharia by the back door. Halal meat is cruelly slaughtered. Surely it’s not Halal if pre-stunned. Why not go Kosher? Why not ban all meats to not offend veggies? I assume you’ll be putting up large signs in the Halal stores warning customer that they are now entering Halal / Sharia zone. Would my wife be expected to walk 3 feet behind me with a black bin liner on? It’s enough to make anyone join the EDL or BNP.

Then people ask why we spend so much time away. Can you blame us. The further I’m away from the loony, do gooder, liberal, PC numpties that are screwing my country the better. At least at a distance it all does’t seem so bad. I’ve just one target left in life now – 8 months away. 

Wednesday – Mixed sun, cloud and rain. 

Lazy day around the caravan. Rain showers drive Wendy nuts as she tries to dry the washing. SE IMG 3160USA planning going well. Narrowed down to 6 locations. Some amazing places on offer to us.

After all this work organising and planning I’m in desperate need of a holiday or at least some alcohol.

Life can be tough, especially when you screw up. Opened a tasty bottle of St Emilion and then I realised we’re away tomorrow – that’s another story to be revealed. Anyway back to my bottle of St E that I now have to finish off tonight, otherwise it will oxidise, go off and that would be a sin

Following the decision by Subway to stop selling Ham and Bacon to avoid offending muslims. B&Q have decided to stop selling wood and nails to avoid offending Christians.

Thursday – sun and cloud.

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An interesting and disturbing day. Visited Oradour Sur Glen. The French martyr village where 640 innocent French men, women and children were machine gunned and burnt to death in a reprisal by the Waffen SS in 1944. The village and ALL it’s inhabitants were annihilated.

A stark reminder of a bad past, and lest we think it was just something unique in the German psyche, don’t kid yourselves it could so easily happen again.

Followed up by a lovely, long and leisurely French lunch with old friends deep in the French countryside. Good to catch up after so many years and put the World to rights in such a short space of time.

Friday – sun and cloud.

Great but exhausting day out at Poy du Fou. Chariot racing, feeding Christians to lions, jousting, IMG 3325 iking rape and pillage. Good clean French family entertainment. A great day out with some spectacular shows and entertainment. 

This picture of the colosseum is just what I’ve been raving on about. We need one in Blackburn. A Colosseum, complete with lions. Just think every Saturday afternoon we could feed some PC loony liberal or common senseless web site designer to the lions. Provide free entertainment, eliminate any future cock ups and stop them polluting the gene pool. 
I’ve already 23 candidates on my list.

Stay over night at an excellent hotel n Les Herbiers – Maison Marie Barrault. The most friendly, helpful owners we’ve ever encountered. I IMG 3293 as beginning to wonder whether I was still in France. Hotel is modern, clean, immaculate with real funky rooms. Such a change from staying at boring chain hotels. Well equipped with quality fittings. Great attention to detail and everything you could want. Good nights sleep. Breakfast was awesome. Delicious homemade cake on the menu and Brioche. Will definitely stay there again and recommend to anyone.

Saturday – rain and clouds.

After an excellent breakfast we decide to have a drive down the coast and visit Ollone-sur-mer. Major screw up. Should really have checked the weather forecast. Certainly a place to visit next time we go to Poy du Fou as the port area looks very pleasant. Pity about the rain. At least I manage to help drain the EU wine lake by 39 bottles. Just about manage to get them into the boot, it’s full of Wendy’s Armagnac. 

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Just watched Question Time. When will David Dimbleby get a grip and chair the panel rather than allowing a free for all of he who shouts loudest? Have to say the more I see of that Farage geezer the more I like the cut of his gib compared to the rest of the gutless weasels. Perhaps time for a EU protest vote in favour of UKIP.

Sunday – mixed sort of day. Sun, clouds and warm.

Laze around the caravan.

Monday – sun and clouds but at least it’s warm.

Start packing up ready for departure. Lazy day, at least for me. Wendy’s in her element, if it’s stands still polish or dust it.

Tuesday – warm and sunny.

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Leisurely pack up the caravan and get off about 11:00. £.5 hour drive up to St Malo. So much better than having to suffer the 7 hour drive to Calais.

Have a shuffle around St Malo and a coffee. What is it with the younger generation with rings in their nose, looks like snot dribbling down – revolting.

Finally get on board our cruise ship for Wendy’s 2nd cruise of the year. Avoid the self service restaurant, no butties so decide to go for the Buffet Dinner served in the best restaurant on board. For £25 it’s excellent. The starter buffet would have done us, then there’s a main course, followed by a lavish help yourself cheese board and tempting choice of help yourself sweets – calorie fiesta.

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

Land in Portsmouth. First stop MacDonalds for an egg MacMuffin. Proper food.

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Are you sure this is England? The suns shining and it’s warm. 

No just had it confirmed. MacDonalds can’t hand me a cup of coffee without the lid on. Health & Safety

Yes, it must be England.

Leisurely drive up the coast to Clive’s home in Eastbourne.

Call in at Chichester. Lovely little market town with lots of individual shops, none of your homogenised shopping here. Although there are some non PC shops – see photo – just love it.

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Then call in at Brighton. Stroll around the Lanes. Like a slightly up market Blackpool. Best avoided in future. Finally managed to find our car with just a few minutes to spare before being charge £12 for parking instead of an outrageous £5 for 2 hours.

Get to Clive’s for 16:00. Helen’s cooked some tasty home made scones with strawberry jam and cream. Followed by a lovely dinner in the evening and then we get to watch “The Railway Man”. Stay overnight in their 1920’s mansion, complete with servants quarters and spectacular gardens. Great to see Clive again and meet Helen. Good company, good food and good hospitality.

Thursday – hot and sunny again.

After breakfast Clive takes us for a pleasant drive around Eastbourne, Beachy Head and the IMG 3218 arina. Coffee at the marina in a lovely civilised setting. What a really pleasant end to the holiday.

Then its the 5 hour drive home. Only 4 sets of road works. Oh so boring.

This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk. The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and quite a few glasses of single malt there after.Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he has just been arrested.The Englishman answers With humour: No, but do you know that this is a British car and my wife is the driver… on the other side?