Monthly Archives: September 2015

20150924 – Water falls; white water rapids; fried apple pies

Thursday – warm and sunny.

 

Amicalola falls

Amicalola falls

Up early and out to the Amicalola Falls state park. The highest waterfalls East of the Mississippi – yet another biggest and best. The weathers perfect not to hot. Have a pleasant stroll around the falls, up and down the 175 steps. Then walk up to the lodge for coffee and some awesome views over a few more trees. Wendy passes on a very reasonably priced buffet lunch – too much to eat.

Amicalola falls.

Amicalola falls.

Stop at Burts farm. Pumpkins as far as the eye can see. Giant ones that need a wheel barrow – provided – to carry one.

Call in at one of the Orchard shops. Pass on pick your own fruit but try the fried apple and peach pies. They’re delicious, calorie and cholesterol specials, but deep fried Oreos are still the tops so far.

Pumpkins for Halloween. Only £40 each.

Pumpkins for Halloween. Only £40 each.

Yet again I’m in a place with dodgy Internet. The bane of my nerdy life. Isn’t it about time that the UN mounted an all out effort to make free and speedy Internet access universally available and a human right violation if it’s not. It’s up and down like a praying muslim. No BBC iPlayer, no Netflix, no Prison Break – fortunately only 13 episodes of interminable bad luck and subsequent cliff hangers to go before we escape it. We man up and survive the evening without resorting to watching American TV.

Don’t you just love the “law of unintended consequences”.

This is what happens to you in Georgia if you stand still for too long.

This is what happens to you in Georgia if you stand still for too long.

The vine Kudzu was introduced to the United States as an ornamental bush and an effortless and efficient shade producer at the Philadelphia Continental Exposition in 1876. In the 1930s and ’40s, it was rebranded as a way for farmers to stop soil erosion. Southern farmers were given about eight dollars an acre to sow topsoil with this invasive vine. Now the dam thing seems to be throttling Georgia.

Kudzu’s environmental and ecological damage results from acting through “interference competition”, meaning it outcompetes other species for a resource. Kudzu competes with native flora for light, and acts to block their access to this vital resource by growing over them and shading them with its leaves. Native plants may then die as a result.

Fascinating programme on Horizon about Quantum Evolution. Did you know that the robin navigates by quantum entangled electrons – incredible, or as Einstein said “spooky”.

Brabble
Meaning: To argue loudly about something inconsequential.
Origin: 1530s
As in: I can’t stand Question Time, it always descends into brabbling.

Corn on the cob American style.

Corn on the cob American style.

I see the the left and their lovvies have been falling over each other in their rush to join the Corbyn carnival of jesters and chuckle heads. Turns out he’s a vegan. Am I surprised? You could almost guarantee it. But best of all he’s put a raving feminist vegan nazi in as shadow farming minister. She advocates treating meat eaters like smokers with a tax on meat. She doesn’t eat meat or dairy and she’s there for farmers! You really couldn’t find a comedy script writer capable of dreaming up such nonsense.

Soon we’ll have a new word in the English language. Corbynism – the mindless following of communist, loony left wing policies with zero common sense, completely out of touch with the electorate, reality and financial sense.

 

Friday – more rain than in Blackburn.

 

I'll just polish off the rest of this fried peach pie. Delicious.

I’ll just polish off the rest of this fried peach pie. Delicious.

Rain all day so we knuckle down and have a lazy day in. For a laugh, to raise my blood pressure and to see how the crazies of the World are going on, I have a browse of the daily blood boiler. Yes it’s as crazy as ever out there.

Beef-witted
Meaning: Stupid, imbecilic.
Origin: 1590s
As in: Big Brother is a TV show for the terminally beef-witted.

I just love this. Sums up the IT industry and the password hell we encounter daily:

1896772_685275748196547_1755721502_n

Olympic white water slalom  course - well perhaps not today.

Olympic white water slalom course – well perhaps not today.

A congressman stole the water glass Pope Francis was drinking out of during his address at the White House. Representative Bob Brady, a devout Catholic and Democrat from Pennsylvania immediately made his way to the podium after Pope Francis finished speaking and grabbed the glass that was still filled with water. He then drank the water, gave some of the water to his wife Debra, and saved the rest for his grandchildren.

How unhygienic. Only in America, well perhaps not, after all he is a politician. Would you really want this knuckle head as your representative.

 

Saturday – grey and cloudy.

 

On the left you can hardly understand them, on the right they might as well be speaking in tongues.

On the left you can hardly understand them, on the right they might as well be speaking in tongues.

Drive up to the Ocoee Whitewater Center, scene of the 1996 Olympic canoe slalom. Lovely setting and a pleasant walk around, but alas no white water, merely a dribble flowing down the course. Apparently they dam the water up and only release it on selected days to create a white water paradise. Today wasn’t one of those days.

Olympic white water slalom centre.

Olympic white water slalom centre.

Have a brief stop in McCaysville, Tennessee. Well we’ve not understood much for the past 3 weeks in Georgia, but by comparison the drawl in Tennessee makes Georgia seem like they’re all speaking the queens English. They might as well be speaking Serbo Croat. Places main claim to fame seems to be a Gun & Drug store, you can buy a superb automatic killing machine, along with a first aid kit and antibiotics to help the wounded. Only in America. Aside from more junk and antique shops than woodworm in a 16th century coffin, it’s other claim to fame is that it’s on the Georgia / Tennessee border and like a devoted, camera toting, Japanese tourist you can have your photo taken straggling two states. Wow!

McCayville

McCayville

Call at Mercier Orchards on the way back. Judging by the crowds, I can only assume they must be giving it all away free. They’re all there, queuing to throw their money away. It’s a jollux’s magnet and paradise. Every kind of fried pie you can imagine, but alas no fried Oreos. Instead of the normal 30% obesity rate in America, this place excels with at least a +60% obesity rate. You can’t move for waddling adipose tissue bellies slapping you around.

And finally to end the day, a quick nip in the supermarket – never a quickie with Wendy.

McCayville

McCayville

Well I quite like the idea of a packer in the supermarkets, saves me standing around with both hands in my pockets or picking my nose, in order to avoid packing. I only ever did the packing once and got treated like a 4 year old whose brain had dropped out on the pavement for putting the wrong things together in the wrong bag – seems like there’s some secret high order feminine fetish algorithm which dictates these things. But, I do find it somewhat insulting when they offer to push the trolley out for you. Yes, I’m hobbling on me walking poles, but we’re still mobile enough to push a trolley. Plus, being America, I’m sure they’ll expect a tip.

Fuzzle
Meaning: To make drunk, intoxicate.
Origin: 1910s
As in: It’s never a good idea to drive while fuzzled.

Apple farm.

Apple farm.

If You Encounter a Black Bear…

Don’t play dead. They eat berries, nuts, acorns, honey, fruit and carrion. If it’s brown bear then do play dead.

Remain calm and avoid sudden movements. I suppose this means I’ll have to put my iPhone away.

Give the bear plenty of room, allowing it to continue its activities undisturbed. Think strictly come dancing.

If you see a bear but the bear doesn’t see you, detour quickly and quietly. Get your iPhone out and do a selfie with the bear in the background.

Eating us out of house and home.

Eating us out of house and home.

If a bear spots you, try to get its attention while it is still farther away. You want it to know you’re human so talk in a normal voice and waive your arms. Perhaps you should read it one of Shakespeare’s sonnets.

Remember that a standing bear is not always a sign of aggression. Many times, bears will stand to get a better view.

Throw something onto the ground (like your camera or a young child) if the bear pursues you, as it may be distracted by this.

Never feed or throw food to a bear.

If a Bear Charges…

Remember that many bears charge as a bluff. They may run, then veer off or stop abruptly. Stand your ground until the bear stops, then slowly back away. You hope.

DSC_4833Never run from a bear! Unless of course you’re with someone who cannot run as fast as you.

Don’t run towards or climb a tree – especially if you’ve not had working at height training. Black bears can climb trees.

If you have pepper spray, be sure that you have trained with it – if not stop and read the manual – before using it during an attack.

If a Black Bear Attacks…

Be loud, waive your arms, and stand your ground. If you have young children pinch them to make them scream and bawl.

Fight back! Be aggressive and use any object you have.

Wow it seems that Mark Zuckerberg (if you don’t know who he is tough) and Bill Gates (and if you don’t know who he is become a nerd) must be reading my blog, as they kicked off a campaign to make Internet access universal, saying this was critical to fulfilling the United Nations’ newly adopted agenda to combat global ills. Sadly speed and latency were not mentioned, but it’s a start.

Calling for efforts to ensure Internet access for everyone globally by 2020, Zuckerberg said Internet connections are a dynamic tool for sharing knowledge, creating opportunities, lifting communities out of poverty and promoting peace.

You just know it makes sense.

You just know it makes sense.

20150920 – Drive In Movie; Drive In The Trees, Trees, Trees And Yet More Trees

Sunday – hot and sunny.

 

Sunday night date night.

Sunday night date night.

Yet another minor step forward with the gamy leg. I can now step into a car normally.

Drive in movie.

Drive in movie.

Drive down to Blue Ridge lake for a stroll along the lake. Then go down to the marina. Check out the price of kayak hire. “No we don’t hire kayaks”. Well can I rent a kayak, “Oh yes”. What have they done to the English language?

We have to put the bird feeders away each night, otherwise Ma bear will come onto the deck and eat it, wrecking the feeder in the process. Dustbins are kept in a locked box. The joys of mountain living.

showcalendar_swanI thought these log cabins would be horrendously expensive. Just seen a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom, 2,500 square feet with decks etc, in the trees all for about £200k. What a bargain.

In the evening we go to a drive in movie, an all American experience dating back to the 1950’s. It’s one of the few drive ins left in Georgia. A really neat experience, very comfy, stereo sound via the FM radio. Really enjoyed it, especially the deep fried Oreos.

Groak
Meaning: To silently watch someone while they are eating, hoping to be invited to join them.
Origin: Unknown
As in: It’s hard to enjoy your meal when the guy opposite is groaking you the whole time.

Deep fried Oreos. An American culinary delight.

Deep fried Oreos. An American culinary delight.

Redneck Wisdom

If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane!

If rabbits’ feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?

If the Lord had meant us to fly, He would have given us aluminum skin.

It’s colder than a mother-in-law’s love.

Ain’t no point in beatin’ a dead horse…’course, can’t hurt none either.

They’re off like a herd of turtles.

Excuses are like backsides. Everybody’s got one and they all stink.

Looks good to me.

Looks good to me.

Now the hindus are suffering from hinduphobia, they’re all at it.

A current promotional offer at “ampm” stores links a cheeseburger with “Holy Cow” and upset Hindus are calling it inappropriate and urging the immediate withdrawal of concerned posters.

The posters displaying “Big Western BBQ Cheeseburger” in “ampm” stores contain the words “Holy Cow” in bold and capital letters at the top. This cheeseburger contains barbeque sauce, diced onions and bell peppers on a hoagie bun.

 
 

 

Monday – hot and sunny.

 

Him and his mates are costing us a fortune in bird food.

Him and his mates are costing us a fortune in bird food.

Well deserved lazy day, enjoying the log cabin, birds and surroundings.

In the afternoon Wendy gets her supermarket fix, I have to while away the time at Starbucks.

Here we are in the back of beyond. Down a dirt track. I don’t think the nearest neighbours are even aware that the civil war is over. There are more bears than cars and yet the road here has 5 sleeping policemen / speed bumps to slow you down. Now like most things American these speed bumps are whoppers, you get whiplash going over them even at a snails pace. Why do they need them?

I will get to that bird seed.

I will get to that bird seed.

Well done Kurt on passing your driving test in a manual / stick shift.

What a pity these manual / stick shifts still exist. Who knows, perhaps one day the UK will come to it senses and go automatic. Yes, I know it’s “not macho to drive an automatic”; “it wastes petrol”, I really doubt it; “you’re not in control”; “it takes the fun out of driving”, what fun, have you every driven on our gridlocked roads lately; and other spurious reasons from the macho drivers motoring club. But hey the Worlds moved on, we got rid of the man with the red flag; we don’t need to advance and retard the spark anymore; the manual chokes finally choked to death; no need to double de-clutch with a sychronous gear box. Role on the driverless car I say. Just think how many deaths and accidents it will save.

Gorgonize
Meaning: To have a paralyzing or mesmerizing effect on someone.
Origin: Early 17th century
As in: Don’t look into his eyes. He’s so charismatic, you’ll be gorgonized.

Driving down these back woods roads we're keeping a wary eye out for him and his kinsmen.

Driving down these back woods roads we’re keeping a wary eye out for him and his kinsmen.

I couldn’t quite decide whether this was a rant or a joke. Joke won.

I see from the local rag, The Fannin Focus, that loony religious zealot inspired Blue Laws are rife here in Blue Ridge. The local mayor is in deep bear dung for allowing attendees at the Blues & BBQ festival to walk the streets with alcohol cans and aluminium bottles (thank the FSM they weren’t glass) displaying labels of various beers.

Georgia State law prohibits alcohol to be within 300 feet of a church. Does this mean that Catholics have to go 301 feet outside the church when having their Sunday tipple?

DSC_4714City ordinance states that for events alcohol is only allowed in confined areas and then in plain unmarked cups. Perhaps they should serve beer in the ubiquitous brown paper bags.

While we’re on the subject of brown paper bags it’s intrigued me why off licenses / liquor stores always try and put my booze in one.

Well apparently the answer lies in the USA’s 4th amendment, which protects the property of a person against unreasonable searches.

It is illegal in most states to possess an open container of booze:

On a public sidewalk,
In a parking lot,
On the front steps of your apartment building, or
In a parked car. Sounds like you’re ok drinking while actually driving. Unbelievable! I personally try and avoid it as I’m frightened I might spill some. The short answer is yes. As long as there are no local ordinances banning open containers in vehicles.

But if you’re carrying a drink in a brown bag that “may or may not” have alcohol in it, it would be a violation of your rights under the fourth amendment to search the bag.

A bit like “shrodingers cat”, the bottle in the bag could be alcohol or it might not be, but since the possibility exists that no law has been broken there is no cause to search the person and to do so would be a violation of their 4th amendment rights.

 

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

 

DSC_4719Up early and out early – well 10:00 is early for us. Take a drive ????

Divert on our drive down to Dahlonega. Quaint little touristy town. Claims to be the first American Gold rush, occurred here in 1828. Like all these places the marketing departments scratched around for some claim to fame, but sadly North Carolina beat them by 29 years with the first American gold rush of 1799.

DSC_4715Drive back up to Blairesville for the farmer market. All 9 stalls of it.

Interesting drive. Very scenic and as the leaves turn to gold and red then it will be splendid. Slow windy roads and oh so many trees. We were on the road for 6 hours and most of that time driving.

Actually made me realise how well situated Belthorn is for significant tourist attractions. Within an hours drive we have so much diversity of scenery, history and places of interest. When you compare this with most of the places we’ve been to in America you start to appreciate what we have condensed into our small island. Having said that I’d still rather be over here.

Old court house in Dahlonega. Now a gold mining museum.

Old court house in Dahlonega. Now a gold mining museum.

Anyone remember, in the good old days, the phrase: “Whale the tar out of you.” Don’t you just love such evocative phrases even if they would strike dread in you.

Twattle
Meaning: To gossip, or talk idly.
Origin: 1600s
As in: I wish you’d quit twattling and get on with your work.

DSC_4640Why is it a universal law of nature that the morons who write driving instructions and then publish them at great expense never bother to get someone to validate them

We decide to go on the Mountains & Countryside drive. Very nice printed copy on really expensive paper freely available from the Blue Ridge welcome centre. 1st instruction “Start at the intersection Hwy. 515 and Hwy. 5 (McDonalds on the corner). After 0.7 miles turn right….”. Now MacDonalds is at a 4 way junction, so depending upon which direction you’re coming fro you have 4 possible permutations. And so it goes on and gets even better. Common sense yet again rarer than a Taliban doing the washing up in bright yellow Marigolds. Personally I think these were written by the local divorce lawyer or trauma hospital. I am amazed there isn’t an advert for their services on the leaflet.

Anyone remember this guy, Dave Allen another awesome stand up comedian, with his rendition on my first contact with God.

 

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

 

DSC_4693
Another lazy day enjoying our surroundings. Pop out to the Amish store in the afternoon and the supermarket, but that’s about as tough as it gets for the day.

Cockalorum
Meaning: A little man with a high opinion of himself.
Origin: 1710s
As in: He’s a boastful shortarse. Total cockalorum.

This is why I have no respect for the misery and joke we call “Airport screening”:

The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) own review shows that its own airport screening process fails about 95% of the time.

TSA checkpoints failed 67 out of 70 times to detect mock explosives or banned weapons.

A detailed mathematical study shows that treating all passengers equally is illogical as well as inefficient. Just a modicum of common sense would tell you that, without the need for any detailed mathematical study.

The TSA study shows that certain groups known to present a statistically higher risk than others should be selected for heightened pre-boarding screening more frequently – a frequency determined not just by age and gender, but also by ethnicity, religion and national origin.

Previously, the TSA has refused to even consider openly using this logical and established technique.

But the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that factors such as race and ethnicity – much less religion, gender and age – can be used in making selections, provided that it serves a compelling governmental interest, and that it is not the only factor used.

If members of groups with a higher risk potential were singled out more frequently, everyone would benefit, including even members of those very groups. We would be more likely to stop potential terrorists and at a far lower cost, and even innocent young Muslim males would benefit because lines – and the waiting time on them – would be much shorter for everyone.

As the GAO has now shown, the TSA procedures, have little scientific validity, and apparently waste billions of taxpayer dollars while causing unnecessary delays and providing only marginally increased security.

For full article go to http://www.valuewalk.com/2015/06/tsa-searches/.

Pat Condell – why suck up to Islam?









20150917 – Jasper the First Mountain City; A Log Fire and Smores

Thursday – hot and sunny.

 

Probably the only Black bear Wendy will cuddle up to.

Probably the only Black bear Wendy will cuddle up to.

Have to take the Hertz mobile back and to save a $75 one way charge we’re dropping it off back in Marietta, so it’s an 80 mile drive back down in our home exchangers car, with Wendy following in the Hertz mobile. Well I use the word following in a distant sense of the word.

On the way back we make the most of it and call off at few places.

Jasper the first Mountain City!

Jasper the first Mountain City!

Firstly we call into Jasper, the first mountain city – see pictures. With a name like Jasper we could hardly give it a miss. Pleasant little place. Very small town America, how it gets classified as a city is a real stretch of the imagination. Amazing though it has a court house. Does make you wonder about the crime rate in America, mind you America is reckoned to have the highest prison rate.

Wendy has lunch in the local cafe, heavily frequented by the local sheriffs. Heavily is a good choice as there’s a lot of them and some of them struggle to get through the door.

Jail in Jasper.

Jail in Jasper.

Try to find the Talking Rock. Wanted to know what it said? Perhaps it’s a Muslim rock and according to Sahih al-Bukhari, Volume 4, Book 56, Number 791 these rocks yell out ‘O Muslim! There is a Jew behind me; kill him!’

Turns out it’s merely a tiny hamlet (do they have them in “BIG” America). Must be really desperate for tourist attractions as it warrants signposting on the highway. Talking of which we stop off at a “Scenic Viewpoint”. About as scenic as looking down Audley Range at mosque opening time. Turns out to be a view down a dual carriageway to some hills with yet more trees. Well there’s one thing they’re not short of round here and that’s trees, but it seems that worthwhile tourist attractions are in shorter supply than bibles in an Iranian bookstore.

Makes sense.

Makes sense.

But we’re not daunted and make a foray into Ellijay. Another quaint little town that turns out to be the antique, well I call it tat and bric-a-brac, centre of America.

Steak for tea.

Hugger-mugger
Meaning: To act in a secretive manner.
Origin: 1530s
As in: I’m sick of all these sneaky types, creeping around and hugger-muggering the whole time.

Mr P. Can't pronounce his name.

Mr P. Can’t pronounce his name.

Southernisms:
*) It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.
*) He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
*) Have a cup of coffee–it’s already been saucered and blowed. (Like it reminds me of my granddad)
*) She’s so stuck up, she’d drown in a rainstorm.
*) It’s so dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
*) My cow died last night so I don’t need your bull.
*) He’s as country as cornflakes.
*) This is gooder’n grits.
*) Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor.
*) Busier than a moth in a mitten!
Jeremy Corbyn – enough said.

 

Friday – very hot and sunny.

 

Whispering lake.

Whispering lake.

Time for yet another lazy day after all this excitement. Chance to enjoy our log cabin in the wilderness.

Take a short stroll down to Whispering Lake. My it’s hot. The mere thought of walking in this heat makes you feel like you’re being water boarded by your own sweat.

Find the bird seed and feed the birds. By tea time we’re inundated. Everything from exotic humming birds through to your common or garden Cardinals. Not a boring sparrow in sight.

Mrs P.

Mrs P.

One of the real “benefits” of mountain living, slow Internet. Think the electrons must be getting here on the back of a Sloth. Brings back memories of the good old days, 64K modems and the lesser throttled modem mating call.

Trees, trees, trees as far as the eye can see. A tree huggers paradise, they’d have sore forearms before you can say “save a rainforest”.

Crapulous
Meaning: To feel ill because of excessive eating/drinking.
Origin: 1530s
As in: The morning after St. Patrick’s Day. I feel crapulous.

What a cracking good idea. I wonder whether they're OFSTED inspected?

What a cracking good idea. I wonder whether they’re OFSTED inspected?

Are You a Redneck? You may be a redneck if:

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

Jeremy Corbyn – best thing to happen to the conservatives since Maggie roamed the palace of Westminster.

Pat Condell – Islam invasion of Europe coming to a street near you from the religion of pieces. Wake up and listen, before it’s too late for our children and grandchildren.

 

Saturday – hot and sunny.

 

Toasting marshmallows ready for a smores

Toasting marshmallows ready for a smores

Off down to the Saturday market in Blue Rdige. All 4 stalls of it, two selling clothes, one selling rocking chairs and one giving away stray dogs. Have a pleasant stroll around this quaint tourist trap, full of cafes and typical shops selling loads of “stuff” that has no practical use other than to collect dust or contribute to landfill.

My Dad would not have been impressed. A health and safety hazard.

My Dad would not have been impressed. A health and safety hazard.

Call in and get a Muffaletta for me tea (A traditional style muffuletta sandwich consists of a muffuletta loaf split horizontally and covered with layers of marinated olive salad, mortadella, salami, mozzarella, ham, and provolone. The sandwich is sometimes heated to soften the provolone.)

There we are Wendy and I having lunch in Blue Ridge, GA, when we heard this sound like a constipated grizzly trying to sing the Beatles.

There we are Wendy and I having lunch in Blue Ridge, GA, when we heard this sound like a constipated grizzly trying to sing the Beatles.

Brings back fond memories of a double dipped Italian beef sandwich from Chicago. (A sandwich of thin slices of seasoned roast beef, dripping with meat juices, on a dense, long Italian-style roll. The bread itself is often dipped (or double-dipped) into the juices the meat is cooked in.) A cholesterol special. Sorry my gastric juices are making me digress.

Put bird food out and we’re inundated with them. Watching all these colourful birds makes you think. Why are the males so colourful, surely it makes them more visible to predators. Well it turns out that the brighter the colours, especially yellow, corresponds to the healthier, therefore better partner males.

Carpenter Bee traps. In the spring you may think you've got dandruff as sawdust floats down on you as the Carpenter bees burrow into timber to lay their eggs.

Carpenter Bee traps. In the spring you may think you’ve got dandruff as sawdust floats down on you as the Carpenter bees burrow into timber to lay their eggs.

Also it would seem the more subdued colours of the female species, gives them better camouflage, helps them survive better when they’re nesting.

What are the black feathers for, then? Well, in many birds, these melanin patches are related to how aggressive males are and how willing they are to compete for territories or mates. The bigger the black patch, the better fighters they are. The black cap may tell other males: “Stay out of my territory!”

Doing the boy scout thing and getting the fire going.

Doing the boy scout thing and getting the fire going.

Don’t you just love evolution.

You know you’re in America when even the cats saunter slovenly and sloth like across the road in front of you. Surprised they don’t have a mobile phone strapped to them. I think this ones a confederate cat, judging by the flags flying in these backwoods. But do it again tomorrow and you’ll be converted to a Davy Crockett hat.

Nothing like a good old fashioned open fire. Although they are hard work.

Nothing like a good old fashioned open fire. Although they are hard work.

Light a fire in our outside lounge / dining room, brings back memories and makes you appreciate the modern convenience of a boiler and thermostat. Muffaletta for me tea by our open log fire, followed by a smores cooked, using traditional recipe ingredients (marshmelow, that disgusting Hersheys chocolate and honey Graham crackers), by my very own hands. Oh and a drop of red wine just to help the American wine industry.

Smores, taste even better when you've cooked them yourself.

Smores, taste even better when you’ve cooked them yourself.

Then a few more episodes of Prison Break. Up to season 4 now and it’s got a lot better, good job as we were ready to give up on its frustrating and improbable cliff hangers.

Jargogle
Meaning: To confuse, bamboozle.
Origin: 1690s
As in: I don’t get quantum theory. It utterly jargogles my brain.

After all that cooking and toiling over a hot log fire I get to try my very own smores.

After all that cooking and toiling over a hot log fire I get to try my very own smores.

More Redneck tests. You may be a redneck if:

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think possum is “The Other White Meat”.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

Jeremy Corbyn – unbelievable. What a scruffy looking geezer.
Just to show balance in my religious rants here’s one from Stephen Fry, at his best, as he dismantles the Roman Catholic Church










20150912 – Log Cabin in the Wilderness; Lookout there’s Bears about; Coca-Cola & CNN








Sunday – hot and sunny.

 

A lazy Sunday morning coffee in Marietta square.

A lazy Sunday morning coffee in Marietta square.

Now I know it may not sound much to celebrate, and probably a tad to much information, but I can now put my underwear on standing up. For a cripple it’s another win. Slow progress on the gamy leg but the 1-2 hours a day of physio exercises is paying off. A clear target of 2nd February 2016 and those awesome mountains really helps motivate.

Civil Rights museum. Found it at last but typical closed on Mondays - see rant.

Civil Rights museum. Found it at last but typical closed on Mondays – see rant.

It seems like my Macbook has really missed me and is having a bit of a sulk as it has thrown out all my email accounts. I swear these Macs are catching that Microsoft virus, needing constant tender loving care, like some spoilt brat. Come on Apple get a grip.

Today we’re taking a breather, a lazy morning around Marietta square, sat enjoying a coffee by the fountain. Very mellow after 3 hectic days.

Overall a lazy day – isn’t every retirement day a lazy day. We were going for a walk around the battle fields but even skived out of that.

pettifog
Quibble about petty points. Practise legal deception or trickery.
“without lifetime careers to preserve, politicians would be free to debate rather than pettifog”

Atlanta Olympic park

Atlanta Olympic park

More laws from around Georgia:

Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

One man may not be on another man’s back.

At Nickajack Elementary School, all peanut products are banned, even peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

No one may practice the business of tattooing on Sunday.

It is illegal to carve your initials on a tree, even if it is on your own property.

Atlanta Olympic park.

Atlanta Olympic park.

It’s interesting the comparisons of where we’re at with membership of the EU and American history.

The declaration of Independence in 1776 came about in the main because of taxation without representation and dictates from a distant King back in Great Britain. Then the civil war of 1861 was driven by the abolition of slavery and the excessive political power of the Federal government, with issues about individual States Rights and disagreements over tariffs. These issues led to the secession of several Southern states, and secession brought about a civil war in which the Northern and Western states and territories fought to preserve the Union, and the South fought to establish Southern independence as a new confederation of states under its own constitution.

Queuing to get in the Waffle house and then they have a long wait for a table. Incredible and they're not giving it away free.

Queuing to get in the Waffle house and then they have a long wait for a table. Incredible and they’re not giving it away free.

Here we are in the UK with two burning issues, the excessive political power of the European Union, greater moves to less sovereign power and dictates by unelected bureaucrats; major immigration issues and less and less control over our borders.

Now they, the EU, are even wanting even greater union and even to have a European army.

The sooner we secede from the EU, hopefully without a civil war, the better. UKIP and Farage have got it right. Thank the FSM that we never joined the Euro.

I thought I should share with you a little enlightenment from the religion of peace:

So women had better look out and behave! The good news is that whilst you may beat your wife, you are forbidden to bruise her, draw blood or break any bones, nor may you beat her face or any “sensitive” parts of the body. Assumedly these strictures are put in place so that the World cannot see that you’re a low life wife beating scrot. Now how PC is that!

 

Monday – hot and sunny and the humidity has abated.

 

CNN escalator and of course being in America it had to be the longest in the World. Don't use it if you suffer vertigo.

CNN escalator and of course being in America it had to be the longest in the World. Don’t use it if you suffer vertigo.

A tourist day as we drive into Atlanta to visit the Civil Rights Museum, CNN Centre and Coca-Cola Museum.

It seems the Civil Rights Museum has been hidden. SatNav gets us to the block, but can we find it. There’s signs for all the tourist attractions around the Olympic park but not this place. Finally find it, park up and then find it’s closed on Mondays despite the web site saying otherwise – see rant below.

CNN newsroom.

CNN newsroom.

Have a lovely stroll around the Olympic park. Very pleasant. Then explore some of downtown and just so happen to bump into a Starbucks.

Do the CNN tour. All very interesting. Have lunch in there, yet another Starbucks in their massive food hall.

Then do the inevitable Coca-Cola Museum. Have to say very interesting and well done. Takes us a good 2 hours but get a tad tired of all the marketing hype.

CNN studio and green screen.

CNN studio and green screen.

As we exit the Coca-Cola museum we just happen to trip across a Columbian marching band – see pictures – after all we are in America and they do love a good parade and band. Have an enjoyable half hour listening the music and watch the lithe and not so lithe bodies dancing.

Coca-Cola museum.

Coca-Cola museum.


Bear getting frisky with Wendy.

Bear getting frisky with Wendy.

Overall a very enjoyable day despite the best efforts of the nincompoops at the Civil Rights Museum.

Then we gird our loins for the drive home in the Atlantic rush hour. Just our luck the first three sets of traffic lights have been taken over by the Keystone cops. They obviously think they’re being useful but 15 minutes to go 2 blocks, that took a couple of minutes last week, would seem to indicate otherwise. As much use as a trap door in a canoe.

Perspicacious
having a ready insight into and understanding of things.
“it offers quite a few facts to the perspicacious reporter”

DSC_4366More crazy laws:

Cussing over the telephone is against the law.

No one may tease an idiot.

It is illegal to wear a hat in a movie theater.

Crosses may be burned on someone elses property, so long as you have their permission.

Barber shops may not open on Sundays.

Stink bombs are not allowed in the city limits.

 

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

 

Another day, another parade and marching band.

Another day, another parade and marching band.

Well it’s tidy up and packing day. Wendy’s on a clean up binge. I’ve got the car to sort. They have this really neat home car wash service. Just pick up the phone and the guy comes and cleans the car. Just $15, not bad.

Still wading through Prison Break. This must the ultimate in cliffhanger series. After a whole season it starts to get a tad tedious, especially as season 3 seems a mirror image of season 1. Tempted to give up on it, but it’s easy watching. You can play on the computer or nod off to it without really missing anything.

Columbian marching band dancers.

Columbian marching band dancers.

verisimilitude
the appearance of being true or real.
“the detail gives the novel some verisimilitude”

Love this on Euphemism.

Columbian marching band.

Columbian marching band.

Just about sums up the decimation of our language by the PC brigade as they exterminate words and replace them with what they consider more PC less “offensive” piffle. If it carries on at this rate we’ll soon run out of “acceptable” words and dictionaries will wither away.
What a pity this comedian died so young.

 

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

 

Our little log cabin in the mountains of Georgia for two weeks. No it isn't snowing.

Our little log cabin in the mountains of Georgia for two weeks. No it isn’t snowing.

Pick up Hertz mobile and we’re off up North to our next home exchange in Blue Ridge in the Chattahoochee National Forest, North Georgia. Thankfully only a 80 mile drive.

Arrived at our little log cabin in the wilderness up at Blue Ridge. A lot of Confederate flags flying around here, I wonder if they know the civil wars over? It’s another lovely home exchange (see pictures), 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom, jacuzzi and of course a giant all American barbi. Bears, and who knows what else, stalk the woods.

Lounge.

Lounge.


TV room.

TV room.


Nearly got arrested on arrival. There’s only 2 log cabins out here and instructions said ours was on the left. There we are furtively marauding around the closed down but remotely monitored home looking for a lock box. Turns out our cabin is on the right. Yes I can just imagine the call going into the Central Station (ALARM RECEIVING CENTREq for the purist) and a local security guard, armed to the teeth, being despatched with strict instructions to shoot first and ask questions later.

Open plan kitchen. Provide your own chef.

Open plan kitchen. Provide your own chef.


Dining room with awesome views over Blue Ridge.

Dining room with awesome views over Blue Ridge.

Wendy thinks she’s going to be dinner for the mossies, so I think Shes gone out to buy a burka made of mosquito netting judging by the length of time I’m sat in Starbucks waiting for her weekly shopping fix to end. A new supermarket chain, she’ll be happier than a woodpecker in a timber yard. Of course if men did the shopping there’d soon be an ergonomically optimised world standard for supermarket layout. Starbucks on the way in, wine and beer nearest the checkouts and fruit and vegetables at the back.

Our outside lounge and dining room.

Our outside lounge and dining room.


Lounge.

Lounge.

Slubberdegullion
Meaning: A slovenly, slobbering person.
Origin: 1650s
As in: Look at that sluberdegullion, sprawled on the sofa with his tongue lolling out.

Bedroom.

Bedroom.


One of the bathrooms.

One of the bathrooms.


A few more crazy laws from around Georgia:

Picnics are prohibited in graveyards.

No person may be buried under a sidewalk of a cemetery.

It is illegal to set one price for two beers.

All Indians must return to their shore of the Chattohoochee River by nightfall.

It is illegal for stores to sell corn flakes on Sunday.

The fine for waving a gun in public is higher than actually shooting it.

Can’t cut off a chicken’s head on Sunday.

It is illegal to carry a chicken by it’s feet down Broadway on Sunday.

One may not place a dead bird on a neighbor’s lawn.

It is illegal to play catch in any city street.

Cars may not be driven through playgrounds.

Rocks may not be thrown at birds.

A person must obtain a permit to spread rat poison.

Persons may not wear hoods in public.

Chicken must be eaten with the hands.

It is illegal to say “Oh, Boy.

Every head of household must own a gun.

Yes, this last one takes a bit of believing but apparently there are 5 cities in the USA where it is illegal not, I repeat NOT, to have a gun in the house. God bless the 2nd and not forgetting the NRA.

20150910 – Diving with Whale Sharks & Manta Rays; Go to a Civil War Battle

 

Thursday – hot and sunny.

 

Eyeball to eyeball with a Manta Ray.

Eyeball to eyeball with a Manta Ray.

A crab menage s a trois.

A crab menage s a trois.

Well better brush up on my diving skills and checklist ready for my dive. Love diving but unless you’re doing it regular you can easily forget the safety drills. And safety is paramount. After all there are old divers and there are bold divers but there are no old bold divers.

Visit to the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta. One of the best Aquariums we’ve been to. Wendy’s paid for me to do a dive in the Aquarium with the “Gentle Giants” – three 30 foot long Whale Sharks, a few 15 wing span Mantra Rays, more Sting Rays than Talibans at a bible burning, more sharks and 1,000’s of cute and colourful fish of all colours and sizes. The second largest Tank in the world.

Whale Shark, a gentle giant, 30 foot long with a big mouth.

Whale Shark, a gentle giant, 30 foot long with a big mouth.

And the sting in the tale, so to speak, is the Sharks don’t bite, apparently and hopefully we’ll fed; the Mantra’s don’t have a sting / barb but the other Sting Rays do, but not a problem as long as you don’t stand on them, even though they can be well hidden in the sand.

What an awesome dive, up close and personal to all these. Great equipment, all organised, so easy and relaxing. The Mantra Rays are so inquisitive they come up close and personal, eye to eye just inches apart. They glide over your head and give you the closest haircut, in my case polish, you can imagine. A tad expensive, but worth it. Many thanks Wendy. She even got a personal escorted tour to view our dive.

One of the best dives ever. Better and more interaction with the fishies than Epcot.

Lookout Whale Shark overhead.

Lookout Whale Shark overhead.

The dive may only have been 30 feet deep but as usual my ears struggle to deal with the pressure. Needs a slow descent and after the dive I’m listening through cotton wool in an echo chamber.

Driving home through Atlanta is a nightmare, 8 lanes of mayhem, a frog strangling down pour and its that hot and humid that there’s steam coming off the wet road so it’s even more difficult to see.

Don’t you just love some of our old evocative words that are falling out of usage. Today I start with my favourite succulent sounding word of the day:

flum·mer·y
ˈfləmərē
noun
1.
empty compliments; nonsense.
“she hated the flummery of public relations”
2.
a sweet dish, typically made with beaten eggs, sugar, and flavorings.

A close shave, well in my case a polish, as Manta Ray swoops overhead. Mind that tail.

A close shave, well in my case a polish, as Manta Ray swoops overhead. Mind that tail.

More crazy laws around here:

Though being forced to close your business is bad enough, Athens-Clarke County forces one to obtain a license before holding a Going-Out-Of-Business sale.

Goldfish may not be given away to entice someone to enter a game of bingo.

Owners of mules may not allow their animal to roam around Athens unsupervised.

Persons under the age of 16 may not play pinball after 11:00 PM.

It is illegal for one to make a disturbing sound at a fair.

Georgia Aquarium Atlanta posing for pictures at the giant window.

Georgia Aquarium Atlanta posing for pictures at the giant window.

Not a single Syrian refugee has been resettled in the six Gulf Co-operation Council (GCC) countries — Saudi ­Arabia, Oman, the UAE, Kuwait, ­Bahrain and Qatar — since the start of the civil war in 2011. The oil-rich Gulf states have also ­refused to sign the 1951 UN treaty on ­refugees, which outlines the rights of those fleeing conflict and the legal means for seeking asylum.

They share culture, region and ­language with the refugees and are all from the religion of peace yet seem to care not a jot for their fellow muslims.

Yet according to Abdulkhaleq Abdulla, a political commentator in the UAE, said: “The six GCC countries have spent hundreds of millions of dollars helping to set up and sustain refugee camps on the borders with Syria. The logic is that Syrians are better off close to home. When the war is over they can easily return.”

George Carlin on the 10 commandments:

 

Friday – hot and sunny.

 

Wendy and big fish.

Wendy and big fish.

Should I worry? I’ve just received an email offering to plan my funeral. Do they know something I don’t know? Is it for an actuary? Joy.

We’re off up north (100 miles) to the Chickamagua National Battlefield Park. One of the largest battlefields in America and a scene of some of the bloodiest battles of the civil war. There’s a 7 mile drive around the battlefields. All very well laid out. A great NP visitor centre with interesting exhibits and a neat film about the battles.

Close encounter with a Lesser Devil Ray.

Close encounter with a Lesser Devil Ray.

After that we drive up Lookout Mountain to Rock City. Some stunning views over 7 states and fascinating rock formations. A tad expensive admission fee, but we enjoyed it and despite loads of steps and hills a good workout for me.

We decide to stay overnight rather than drive back. After a complete online screw up on dates with Booking.com, they sort it out. Stay in the Clarion at Chattanooga. We stayed here a couple of years ago. We’re in Tennessee and the language is even more difficult to comprehend.

I know I’ve arrived home when I get a Taco Bell for me tea, Wendy settles for a Subway and I’m orgasmic when I see the hotel has a waffle machine for breakfast. Great American cuisine. Just love this country.

concatenate
kənˈkatɪneɪt/
verbformaltechnical
link (things) together in a chain or series.
“some words may be concatenated, such that certain sounds are omitted”
or my all time nerdy favourite
“Concatenated data sets”.

Watch where you're sticking your nose.

Watch where you’re sticking your nose.

Why do women fake orgasms? So that they can quickly get back to what they were doing.

In the swim-meet, after the blond came in last competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to the judges that “all the other girls were using their arms.”

Passengers evacuated from a British Airways flight engulfed by flames at a Las Vegas airport have been criticised for stopping to collect their luggage before jumping down the emergency slides in a flagrant breach of safety rules. Having seen the size of some of the travel trunks they try and jam in the overhead lockers it’s a wonder they’re weren’t all fried.

In a previous incident, passengers did not just collect their bags but some stopped to take selfies too.

PS Don’t forget your duty free.

 

Saturday – hot and sunny.

 

Chickamagua National Park Battle field. Cannon ball stack as marker.

Chickamagua National Park Battle field. Cannon ball stack as marker.

Waffles for breakfast. Proper food.

Drive into Chattanooga and take the free bus down town. Remember it when we get there. Have a wander around the river front area. This is where that dam bridge is I’ve been trying to remember.

Then finally visit the Chattanooga Choo Choo. Free to wander around very pleasant – see pictures.

Rock City waterfall on Lookout Mountain.

Rock City waterfall on Lookout Mountain.

Drive down to Tunnel Hill in time for the Civil War re-inactment of the battle of Tunnel Hill. There’s great atmospheres with period tents pitched, band playing confederate music and themed tents for sawbones etc. Lots of characters in period dress. Get to try some Birch Beer. Reckoned to be like Root Beer, fortunately it’s not. Root beer tastes like antiseptic, amazes me why it so popular and why anyone would want a Root beer float – antiseptic with ice cream floating on top – beggars belief.

Chattanooga Choo Choo.

Chattanooga Choo Choo.

The re-inactment is on for just over an hour. It’s awesome – see pictures. Not like me to say it but well worth the $10. Cannons shake your bones to the ground and the action is impressive. The majority of the visitors are clearly keen and proud Confederates and probably yearn for a return to the good old days. Everyones very friendly, I think a bit intrigued to have some Brits in their midst. After you get chance to talk to the re-inactors who give up so much of their time on these events. Very friendly and love answering your questions.

Battle of Tunnel Hill - Union cannons fire.

Battle of Tunnel Hill – Union cannons fire.

Awesome one of the best days yet.

Well we’ve been in Georgia 10 days now and can hardly understand a word they say. Now we’re in Tennessee and we understand not a jot. I kid you not, over breakfast one guy even told me he was going to “jump into the sausage and omelet cooking pot”. Obviously a Tennessee extreme sport similar to cliff diving.

Battle of Tunnel Hill - Confederates rifle volley.

Battle of Tunnel Hill – Confederates rifle volley.

Must say my spoken Southern drawl must be vastly improving. I only had to repeat my request for “$30 of petrol on pump 3” just 3 times. Talking of which petrol has now reached $1.92, that’s £1.25 a gallon – cheaper than bottled water.

Jollux
Noun – Slang phrase used in the late 18th century to describe a “fat person”.
“Oh, he’s a bit of a jollux, ha?”
“Just eating me waffle and in walks a flock of jollux. That sure castrated my appetite.”

More crazy city Laws in Georgia

All citizens must own a rake.

Adult bookstores may not sell alcohol.

If you want to read your favorite book in public to your friends, do it before 2:45 AM.

Massage businesses may not sell alcohol on the side.

It is illegal to sell two beers are once for a single price. For example, a bar can’t run a 2 Bud Lights for $5 special.

Battle of Tunnel Hill - cavalry skirmish.

Battle of Tunnel Hill – cavalry skirmish.

Don’t you just love the couldn’t care less, not my problem and nothing I can do attitude. This is just typical. I phone up to find if there is a civil war re-inactment. I point out to them that their web site is a year out of date and they must be loosing loads of visitors. What reply do I get? “I wouldn’t doubt it?” Doesn’t this thick excuse for an employee realise that it his job that’s being threatened and there’s something he should try and do about it? I blame the management for not empowering and listening to their employees. Sadly this is just all too typical these days. It’s bad enough in the UK but a plague of indifference over here.

The re-inactment was awesome. The best $10 I’ve spent so far this trip. Yet it was not crowded. Not surprising when the web sites a year out of date and a real amateur dogs breakfast. Sad and it must only be a matter of time before this place goes under.

John Cleese on muslims will kill you:

20150906 – Cannons; Bacon, Banana and Peanut Butter Toasty; Snakes; Immigration Madness

 

Sunday – hot and sunny.

 

Bacon, banana and peanut butter toasty - also known as an Elvis.

Bacon, banana and peanut butter toasty – also known as an Elvis.

Start the day with a good breakfast consisting of a Tennessee speciality I’ve unearthed, a bacon, banana and peanut butter toasty, with a splash of honey – apparently also known as an Elvis, as it was one of his favourites. What chance does so called French cuisine have against this awesome junk food. Pretty good, but Macaroni pudding still reigns supreme.

A day of history as we go down to the Kennesaw Mountain battlefield to watch a demonstration of cannon firing. Chat with the volunteers about them thar times. Makes you wonder how they coped. Never mind the bullets, cannons and disease, they also wore thick heavy uniforms in 90 – 100 degree (33C to 36C) heat. On top of that the bugs around hear bite. I can attest to that as my feet have been a feast for the local bugs.

Kneesaw mountain gun crew.

Kneesaw mountain gun crew.

Have a browse round the visitors centre, museum and watch an interesting film on the battle.

Luxury, real books in this home library. Get to read “Go Set a Watchman” the so called sensation from Harper Lee. It’s strange there’s no epic plot, instead it’s almost mundane but the characters suck you in. My, oh my the PC nazi stormtroopers would have a real hissy fit reading this, can you believe it keeps on using the “N” word!

More goofy laws in Georgia:

No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.

It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.

Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.

Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.

Live cannon firing at Kennesaw Mountain.

Live cannon firing at Kennesaw Mountain.

A bakery whose Christian owners refused to make a cake carrying a pro-gay marriage slogan has been found guilty of discrimination after a landmark legal action. So let’s go ask a Muslim baker to decorate a cake with Mohamed on and see what happens.

 

Monday – hot and humid.

 

Cannon drill.

Cannon drill.

It’s Labor day, National holiday, and we should know better than to venture out on the equivalent of a bank holiday, But we’re gluttons for punishment and take a drive over to Roswell – not of alien landing fame. Have a wander around the mill area; their covered bridge; then venture down their main historic street. Try and have a meal but no chance, most places are full. There is a cafe but they’re just closing up at 14:00 on what must be one of the busiest days of the year. Obviously the same entrepreneurial spirit as the morons who run their visitors centre. Why dream of having a visitors centre open on one of the busiest visitor days of the year.

Set off home via the backroads and would you believe it but we come across a Starbucks. I think we must be in the Lesbian centre of Georgia, or it’s a Lesbian pride Starbucks, judging by the number of Lesbian couples who troop in hand in hand. There’s some fearsome butch looking women, you would not want to get on the wrong side of some of these.

Cheetham Hill gun emplacement.

Cheetham Hill gun emplacement.

To finish the day off we have a pleasant stroll around the gun emplacements and trenches at Cheetham Hill, one of the Kennesaw Mountain Battlefields – see pictures.

Just practising my new language: “All y’all, as we’re in Jawjuh we’re fixing to go down yonder to Lanner a mighty big city.”

Translated: “Everyone, as we’re in Georgia we’re going to go to Atlanta.”

Hello, what’s this on my dinner plate? Vegetables and it’s not even Sunday. Sneaky.

While strolling around the Marina this morning about 7 a.m., I noticed a
character shouting “Allah be praised” and “Death to all infidels” and
suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. He was struggling to stay
afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn’t get
help he would surely drown.

Being a responsible citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that
requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Police, the Coast
Guard, the Fire Department, and even the Immigration Office.

It is now 11 a.m., the terrorist has drowned and none of the authorities
have responded.

I’m now starting to think I wasted 4 stamps.

Nearly finished 2nd season of Prison Break. Seems like this little chap, and a few of his mates, are hooked on it too.

Nearly finished 2nd season of Prison Break. Seems like this little chap, and a few of his mates, are hooked on it too.

Immigration, refugees and more crap from Europe telling us what we should be doing and how many more refugees we should be absorbing. I travel 3,500 miles to escape this lunacy and the daily blood boiler (Daily Mail), only to have it served up over me healthy granola breakfast by friends on Facebook. It really is about time our country got a grip. I’m just so sick of hearing it. Please don’t wind me up. I’m already spitting feathers over the whole immigration fiasco. But keeping me powder dry, staying calm and gathering me thoughts together ready for an epic rant. Pots for rags.
WOW just watched Stephen Fry rip into religion. And watched the interviewer wish he’d never asked. I always Fry was an intelligent intellectual, but never realised he was so vociferous an atheist. Certainly gone up in my estimation.

 

Tuesday – hot and humid with a monsoon downpour at teatime.

 

Stonemountain.

Stonemountain.

Decide to go over to Stone Mountain. Book the tickets online.

Get there and struggle with a map that doesn’t bear any relationship to the email they’ve sent – does anybody ever bother to check these things? Then find that 90% of the attractions are closed – web site is misleading, now there’s a surprise. After being given the run around to locate a manager I’m ready to calmly and nicely rip someones head off. Finally speak calmly and nicely to a manager, who is very professional and apologetic. We get a full refund, including the parking fee.

Have a brief drive around whilst we’re there; visit the mill; visit the stone quarry and the good news is it all costs nothing. Good job really as if it had been open we would not have appreciated the rides etc.

Water mill at Stonemountain.

Water mill at Stonemountain.

You’ve all no doubt heard of the mile high club and after my recent flight I’ve come up with a “2 mile high theory”. Most planes fly at about 7 miles high, but are pressurised to 2 miles / 10,000 feet high. I notice that when I do my exercises in a plane, pressurised to 10,000 feet there’s no compression pain when I imitate a stork and stand on one leg. Moral of this story being that I need to live in a modern plane, but the good new is that sking in Park City is at 9,000 feet, so it seems to me that going skiing should achieve the same effect. Now that’s what I call a useful theory.

Here I am hobbling around the Deep South on me two walking poles (recommended by my physio as a better than crutches, reduces bad posture). These two American ladies accost me “y’all a keen hiker?”. Wendy patiently explains the situation to them as if I’m crippled in the head and couldn’t possibly cope with such a complex social interaction. They’re impressed, nay orgasmic. “I’sm fixin to tell me husband. May help him”. “Can we take your picture?”. Fame at last. Finally I get to speak to disavow any thoughts that I’m a half wit as well as a cripple. “Why of course. You can even have me autograph too. But I’m not smiling, I’ve already done that 4 times this year.”

Covered bridge at Roswell mill.

Covered bridge at Roswell mill.

Can you believe it? Yes, I can.

Apparently the Scottish and Labour parties are to demand an inquiry as to whether it was legal to kill ISIS members with a drone, two of them ex-Brits! You really couldn’t make it up. Perhaps we should have their bodies flown back for a state funeral and pay their families compensation!

Has anyone checked the legality of all the terrorist atrocities? Did these same empty heads complain then? Yet another reason why our loony politicians could do with a severe over dose of some common sense medicine. They’re all one O’clock half struck.

I'm off. Starbucks here I come.

I’m off. Starbucks here I come.

Instead of letting Islam off the hook with bland clichés about the religion of peace, we in the West need to challenge and debate the very substance of Islamic thought and practice. We need to hold Islam accountable for the acts of its most violent adherents and to demand that it reform or disavow the key beliefs that are used to justify those acts.

What’s more we need to be able to do this without fear of being labelled racist, accused of blasphemy or having our lives threatened.

 

Wednesday – hot, humid and some downpours.

 

It's that Tony Soprano moment as I collect the daily paper. Soprano fans will understand.

It’s that Tony Soprano moment as I collect the daily paper. Soprano fans will understand.

Have a lazy day enjoying the house. Wendy gets her weekly supermarket fix and I get to watch the Apple announcements. At last they bring out a new Apple TV, looks interesting but no mention of whether it does BBC etc. iPad Pro is tempting but I can’t see it replacing a MacBook Pro. It looks like I could be upgrading my old Macbook Pro. New iPhone but I’m ok with my iPhone 6 Plus and Wendy’s not interested in upgrading from her 5 to the 6S, despite a much better camera, so we’ll probably pass this year.

Even 3,500 miles away I cannot escape immigration, immigration and yet more immigration, so here’s my mega-rant and random thoughts on the issue:

Only a few weeks ago everyone was braying like asthmatic donkeys against all these immigrants. Despite the fact that hundreds of men, women and children were still dying in an attempt to cross the Mediterranean.

Copper Head. One of the 40 snakes around here. Fortunately only 6 are poisonous. This is one of them.

Copper Head. One of the 40 snakes around here. Fortunately only 6 are poisonous. This is one of them.

Then we have the horrific photo of a dead child washed up on a beach and the hysteria turns 180 degrees. Bring them in. Treat them better than our war veterans and pensioners. Why not even put them up at Buckingham palace and the Ritz. How many can we fit in our humble homes. Send the message back, Britain is the promised land, money for old rope. Everyone welcome! How many more can we entice to come?

Have the do gooders, Eurocrats, multiculturalists, feeble minded liberals and PC brigade not realised that every improvement we make or concession, only incentivises more to risk the journey. We’re really not helping.

Britain and the USA have been lambasted for intervention in the Middle East and causing this problem, yet we’re still at it with this welcome arms policy. Surely all we’re doing is encouraging that risky journey and depleting the country of its brightest individuals, the ones who stand any chance of rebuilding their country.

At the end of the day we have to stem this tide. The solution to me seems simple. Take the Australian solution. Tow them back and destroy the boats used. Harsh, I know, but in the limit we’ll have to adopt this policy, otherwise our small island will just sink into the sea under the extra weight of all those immigrants.

Let’s face it the majority are economic migrants.

Then we have the ISIS jihadis threat. 20,000 refugees and how many will be ISIS Jihadis?

Hijrah, or jihad by emigration, is part of Islamic tradition “And whoever emigrates for the cause of Allah will find on the earth many locations and abundance,” says the Qur’an. Overwhelm the infidels.

Just wait, heaven forbid, until we have the inevitable first atrocity on the streets of Britain by a lone wolf ISIS Islamic jihadis who has slithered into Britain as a refugee. Then we’ll see the worm turn on immigration yet another 180 degrees.

Fortunately Cameron at least has the common sense, in a politician that’s rarer than rocking horse shit, to select from the camps. But what about the persecuted Christians over there? Former Archbishop of Canterbury, lord Carey, warns against mass immigration of Muslims. He argues that if we must take these immigrants, then let’s take Christians, after all we are supposedly a Christian nation. Christians are being victimised, attacked, targeted by ISIS and have been driven from the UN camps. They are being ethnically cleansed from the region. Christians have been crucified, beheaded, raped, and subjected to forced conversion. The so-called Islamic State and other radical groups are openly glorifying the slaughter of Christians. What’s more Christians will stand more chance of integrating and less risk of 5th column jihadis sneaking into the country to cause death and destruction.

A voice of common sense in the wilderness of mass hysteria and lunacy.

Rant over. I know it won’t solve anything but at least I’ve got it of my chest.

Seems like good old Nigel agrees:

To protect genuine refugees and our culture, we must stop trafficking gangs and the boats coming to Europe says Nigel Farage.Share if you agree.

Posted by UK Independence Party (UKIP) on Wednesday, September 9, 2015

20150902 – Georgia and the Deep South

 

Wednesday – overcast but dry.

 

Time to resurrect my blog. Since that fateful encounter with 3 moguls (the icy kind, not the Indian ones) I’ve not bothered with it. Despite all that time on my hands in hospital the medication was so mind numbing that typing any word more than 3 characters and I just nodded off. It was a nightmare. Why anyone would want to take drugs totally confounds me.

Den / TV room.

Den / TV room.

Then we have Facebook. What a waste of pixels that’s becoming.

As a reminder of my blog is colour coded:

Jokes and my sick or sarcastic humour are coloured blue.
Rants about life, politics, crap service and worst of all software are coloured brown.
Religion and rants about the evil done in its name are coloured red.

Fancy a great start to your holiday. Not content with the queues / lines for security / boarding and the rest. Then why not book a Thomsons holiday. Join a mega queue, all the way down from terminal 1, to check in. At least an hour of your life in abject misery. Memo to self never go Thomson.

Master bedroom.

Master bedroom.

Ensconced in the airport lounge. All the screening palaver is over with. As a cripple with a single crutch we’re fast tracked through security only to be frisked, probed and have this magic wand waved all over me. Is it me zips or me piece of meccano that’s setting off the alarm. Then we scurry through the 2 miles the maze of duty free to get in – heaven forbid we should miss any shelf or department, or special offer, bugger the customer, marketing rules.

Bacon and Cumberland sausage buttie for breakfast, with lashings of Daddies sauce. Wendy’s furtively eyeing the bottle of Martel – thankfully it’s 3/4 full.

Y’all, we’re fixin to go down yonder to the Deep South, over the Mason Dixie line. May even pop in on Scarlett. Have my phrase book to hand and have completed a teach yourself American course. May need an interpreter / guide. Wendy’s packed teabags, kitchen sink but alas no Heinz baked beans.

My ears are hurting. Can someone please explain to this women that her mobile does the job and she doesn’t need to shout so loud that they can hear her 30 miles away. If she’s on our flight we’re doomed, her voice will shake the wings off.

Save my ears. Goby and her coterie of lager louts have now burst into what they think is song. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster they’re not on our flight.

I know the Worlds gone mad, but needing to show your boarding pass to buy some tic tac mints has to merit a highest “accolade in stupidity” badge.

Meanwhile the Martel’s nearly reached rock bottom.

Reasonable Virgin flight although my knees are scuffed as leg room was pretty poor.

Good selection of films. Finally got to see American Sniper, and also San Andreas – both typical all American hero films, all that was missing was a cameo appearance from John Wayne and the action heroes being awarded a Nobel Prize for heroism, along with the President pinning a medal of honour on them.

En-suite bathroom.

En-suite bathroom.

American Snipers ending was weird.When he puts his hand gun on a shelf I’m convinced I know the ending. If it had been directed by an English guy then the ending may have been different, in that the heroes son gets hold of the gun he leaves on a shelf and shoots one or more of the family by accident. Would have been an ironic ending to a film that worships and glorifies the gun. Overall though an enjoyable film.

After two flag waving films settle for a more sedate one with the Second Marigold Hotel. Class cast, class acting and not a gun or hero in sight.

It seems that being a cripple with a crutch has one advantage in that you’re whisked through immigration – 5 minutes instead of an hour+. We even beat our luggage, despite it being priority unloading.

Sara, our home exchange host, picks us up at the airport. Gives us a quick guided tour of Marietta and then to our new home for the next two weeks, it’s beautiful and spacious – see pictures.

Miraculous’ vibrating bra that claims to increase the size of a woman’s breasts in just seven days – without the need for surgery – is being trialed in the U.S.

When will airport security get serious. Why don’t they profile? You know it makes sense and by not profiling they are increasing the risk to my life. Bugger the PC nazi stormtroopers. Lets get some much needed common sense into the process to minimise the inconvenience and the risk. Until then I have zero respect or tolerance for them.

 

Thursday – Wow it’s hot 91F (33C for the Europhiles) and sunny, but the humidity is the killer at 91%. Thank the FSM for air con. Then in the afternoon we have a good “frog strangler”, despite the forecast of no rain and to top it all we get a rate good floor show as “the devil beat his wife”.

 

En-suite bathroom.

En-suite bathroom.

So far Wendy’s not seen any snakes yet. Apparently there are 40 different types, but relax, the good news only 6 of them are poisonous.

Lazy day getting set up and of course a trip to the supermarket. Wendy’s orgasmic there’s a Publix just around the corner (that being an American corner) and a Wholefoods (also known as WholePayPacket) down yonder (30 minutes away). For me there’s a Starbucks, Taco Bell and Subway.

While Wendy gets her weekly fix at Publix I tempt providence by walking to Starbucks – how un-American can you get. Fortunately I didn’t arrested for walking with two deadly walking poles, although the Sheriffs just walked in.

Dressing room off the master bedroom. Every Southern Belle has their dressing room.

Dressing room off the master bedroom. Every Southern Belle has their dressing room.

Nine Thoughts to Ponder

9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

8 Life is sexually transmitted.

7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

6 Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

The library / office.

The library / office.

More than a dozen former MPs were handed peerages despite being caught out in the expenses scandal. Among them was a Tory grandee who billed taxpayers for cleaning the moat on his country estate. Doesn’t it just make you want to pewk and then go down there and bang there empty heads together. I’m convinced all those in power are one o’clock half struck.

 

Friday – very hot and sunny, with afternoon monsoon.

 

Our beds one of the Tempur-pedic mattresses. Foam you sink into. Wendy wants one. And to top it all this one comes complete with vibrator / massager and raises head or feet. Very swish.

Pleasant stroll around Marietta square, a cross between Prescott and old town Albuquerque. Then lunch sat outside.

The den/ TV room.

The den/ TV room.

Then I’m condemned to Starbucks while Wendy has her nails painted. Tough life. It’s cool out of the midday sun in here and has awesome wifi, 54mbps. Now that’s civilised. Interesting clientele, there’s the usual collection of MacBook and iPad users; smartphones seem to be an essential for admission, mostly iPhones; a few retards with dark side laptops; and a geezer who looks like a cross between Santa Clause and Cat Weezle, slumped there with his mouth open collecting flies and snoring louder than a rampant hog.

Wow there’s a lot of blacks around here. I think they all speak a different language. Can’t understand a word.

Now I’ve heard so much hype about this “50 Shades of Grey” that I couldn’t resist when I saw it in Red Box. We watched it last night. Talk about low budget. All fur coat and no knickers – in more ways than one – as they say, tame and no real porno. How can you have a so called porno film if the female star doesn’t wear red socks.

Dining area.

Dining area.

Nine Thoughts to Ponder – continued

4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

2 In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.

And as someone recently said to me: Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last that long.

Kitchen

Kitchen

Some interesting commentary on Islam:

Instead of letting Islam off the hook with bland clichés about the religion of peace, we in the West need to challenge and debate the very substance of Islamic thought and practice. We need to hold Islam accountable for the acts of its most violent adherents and to demand that it reform or disavow the key beliefs that are used to justify those acts.

Islam is at a crossroads. Muslims need to make a conscious decision to confront, debate and ultimately reject the violent elements within their religion. To some extent—not least because of widespread revulsion at the atrocities of Islamic State, al Qaeda and the rest—this process has already begun. But it needs leadership from the dissidents, and they in turn stand no chance without support from the West.

 

Saturday – very hot and sunny.

 

Labor weekend celebrations. Note the flags everywhere. They're proud of their flag and country.

Labor weekend celebrations. Note the flags everywhere. They’re proud of their flag and country. Where have we gone so wrong? The do-gooders, the liberals and multiculturalist have really screwed our country.


Formal dining room.

Formal dining room.

Up and out early. Well 10:30’s early for us.

Down to the Art in the Park (it’s Labor Day weekend) and Farmers market. Wander round the stalls; plenty of food samples in the Farmers market; as usual don’t buy anything; Wendy gets free goodies from the many stalls in Arts in the Park – she’s like a child when there are freebies on offer, always needs a carrier bag for all the booty. Have lunch at Sweet Cakes again sat people watching.

Then we pop down to Whole Foods Market, Wendy just couldn’t resist.

Formal lounge / front room.

Formal lounge / front room.

Time to ponder some of the more goofy laws here in Georgia:

You cannot live on a boat for more than 30 days during the calendar year, even if just passing through the state

The term “sadomasochistic abuse” is defined so broadly, that it could possibly be applied to a person handcuffing another in a clown suit.

All sex toys are banned.

Signs are required to be written in English.

4 days and not a burka in sight.