Tony & Wendy's Travel Blog

Meal last night in the Royal Court was amazing. The 10 of us had the centre table and were treated like royalty. Food and service was awesome.

The show was mediocre. The sort of show to sleep through. I had the best sleep ever, on unknown women’s shoulder.

Today we’re all up pretty early for a great breakfast in Cabana followed by a day at Sea. Kids have a great day by the pool. Boy is it busy and noisy. There’s an nfestation of little, sticky fingered rugrats running a mock and screaming loud enough to pop the rivets holding this floating gin palace together. Every few hours they kick all the rug rats out the pool to test the water and look for any turds. Then when they find the inevitable turd they kick everyone out; drain the pool; send in a high pressure wash team. I pass on the pool.

Wendy attends a 3D Mickey Mouse creation activity, apparently for some perverse reason it’s for big kids, adults only. Sounds like a load of perverts, perhaps it’s a Mickey and friends Chippendales strip show with Minnie and Daisy doing a spot of pole dancing.

So much going on for the kids, it’s all go. With fantastic kids clubs but our lot don’t seem to really go for them much.

Tonights the formal night but like all American cruises the majority of people take no notice of it – at the end of the day we’re the customer paying for it.

Tonight we eat in the Animator restaurant. Every night we cycle through the 3 restaurants, so we get to try each one. Our waiters follow us. More great food and service.

As my booze has been impounded by the Disney pirates it’s an opportunity to try various whisky and whiskey. Bullit Rye is very tasty as is the Canadian Royal Rye.

We’re in Cozumel today. Must be our 3rd visit.

It’s Fiona’s 31st birthday so we give her the Rain Forrest spa experience for her and Kurt as part of her birthday gift.

As we get off there’s free mosquito repellent, along with warnings of the danger. Everyone’s getting larded up with mosquito repellent and looks like a walking slime buckets.

Mexican immigration is an interesting alternative, no armed officers checking passports and stamping dates as to how long you can stay. But there again it’s such a shit hole that I’m sure they have no problems with illegal immigrants. Instead they force you through a load of duty free shops.

Thankfully there’s a Starbucks although you need a degree in Spanish to be able to log onto the wifi – crap really when you consider that the majority of the tourist that come speak English, but no it’s just another dago country where they can’t be bothered to consider the customer.

We all have a wander round but nothing much to see really. Of course if you’re really desperate for something to do and titivate you then you can dip your feet in a tank of tropical fish – weird. Wendy buys a spider man costume for Jasper and in typical fashion manages to negotiate the price down from $20 to $7. She should try some of those tactics next time she’s at the checkout in Aldi.

Another one of those places that it’s best to do an overpriced trip or just stay on board.

Start our on board detective hunt with Devon and Jasper. It’s quite amazing and good entertainment.

They celebrate Halloween tonight with a massive kids party with Disney characters; trick and treat rewards everywhere and in the evening there’s free drinks of a cocktail or beer in the atrium. Of course most are dressed in fancy dressed costumes as part of the American Halloween, marketing and greed driven, excessive behaviour.

Have a beer before tea with everyone. Then it’s time for dinner in the Enchanted Forrest. Food and service are excellent but the place is oppressively cramped. Rather not eat in here again. Need to have a word with my Disney minder Carla when she rings us at night.

Blanton Rye Whiskey is not so good.

Today we’re in Gran Cayman. Again must be our 3rd visit. We don’t dock until later and it’s a tender in, so we have a wander into town after an early lunch. Everyone soon gets fed up with the place. Me, Wendy, Beatrix and Fiona explore a little further. But there’s no Starbucks. Find a mediocre bottle of wine I can take back on board.

We stop at the Margarita bar where we all enjoy a strawberry dakari.

Back on board I get the joy of finishing the detective hunt with Jasper. It really is a treasured experience.

Wendy and Fiona have a treat when they go to the laundrette on board. Nearly as good as a trip to the supermarket.

In the evening Kurt feeds Beatrix on our 10 seater table in the Royal court. Just the two of them.

Then we dump the kids in kid clubs while the adults, complete with Beatrix, head to our free meal (it pays to complain) at the speciality restaurant Palo. Sadly they won’t let Beatrix in so Kurt and Fiona head off to Cabana restaurant for diner while the rest of us enjoy a awesome Italian meal at Palo. Pity about our Italian waiter whose gob seems to suffer from verbal incontinence. If he doesn’t shut up soon he’s going to find his gob impaled on the sharp end of a bread role. Kurt and Fiona get to have a quiet romantic evening in Palo on Friday whilst we look after the kids and Beatrix.

Kids get presents in their room with a character blanket. Yet another benefit of complaining.

Arrive early – 07:30 – in Falmouth, Jamaica. Lazy breakfast then Wendy and I along with Kurt’s brood go ashore for a shifty around. Port area is typical shops but quite pleasant. Once you venture out of the port you do start to believe the warnings about this place being dangerous. We’ve all left watches in the safe on board. After 15 minutes we head back to the safety of the port. This place is poor and rough. More people doing an awesome impression of a badgers arse, not part of the Disney experience.

Ross and his brood stay on board around the pool.

Meet up for lunch and then afterwards it’s kids events around the ship. Oh and Wendy becomes one of the biggest kids with drawing in the Oceaner Lab and then some 3D animation.

In the evening we have yet another meet the Princesses extravaganza, as an added delight there’s a man on balcony picking his nose, heaven nose where the debris fell. I wonder whether that’s part of the Disney script.

Meanwhile todays gifts, for the “selected special family” are gold chocolate coins in our room.

Lazy day at sea. Plenty going on for the kids.

Went to the hypnosis lecture. As it also mentioned weight loss it was the biggest concentration of adipose tissue on the ship. Good job it was midships or I think the ship would have taken on a dangerous list.

Silly me, no wonder it was free they try to sell you a CD.

Go to take photos at the baby crawl race. Women sits down on the floor next to me and asks what this for. Just goes to show how the gullible will join any queue.

Sat near the geriatrics couple from hell. They should play a video of these two to all prospective young couples, guaranteed to have them high tail it to the nearst monastery. Not a peep out of them or to one another. She’s glued to her kindle, him to his iPhone. Marriage can be so stimulating.

Good show in the evening, even I stayed awake. A bit more whiskey tasting.

It’s Castaway Quay today. A beach day. Disney’s own fantasy Island in the Bahamas. Actually, as you’d expect from Disney, it’s quite well organised with good facilities. Quite a money spinner no docking fees and everything they take on the activities goes straight to Disney.

Have an argument with an arrogant, yank re deck chairs. Offer to try and sort it so that both families get what they want, but he’s having none of it. Prefers to be an arrogant prick and sit on a chair amidst ours. Make you realise why the Americans can be such warmongers.

Try the water slide with Honey, but pass on snorkelling as they expect you to wear a life vest.

We last about 2 hours before having launch and heading back to the ship. We’re just not beach, sun and sand people.

The pool decks just a cacophony of screaming rug rats and big screen movies. There’s really no peace and quiet to be had anywhere on this floating gin palace.

We’re on rug rat duties tonight looking after Jasper and Beatrix while the parents go to Palo for a speciality meal. Jasper goes into kid club.

We all go to the show. Vampires thrive on blood and our British cruise director seems to thrive on applause. “Did you enjoy….”, “and what about….”. And of course the Americans just love inane applause and shouting for the slightest thing. It’s just a pity she didn’t say “and what about the bog rolls on board, aren’t they fantastic?”. They’d have obliged with thunderous applause.

Show is pretty mediocre and spoilt by cruise director’s applause seeking. What ever happened to a show to sleep to and a strangers shoulder to sleep on.

Then the theatre chair eats Jasper, as he gets his foot stuck down the back of the chair and is screaming the place down. Not that anyone notices with all the raucous applause and shouting going on. Me thinks it could be a trip to the county court.

Breakfast in enchanted garden – claustrophobic start to the day.

Pick up my contraband booze. Then we disembark. Bit of a queue but overall a pretty smooth and slick process. Even immigration are fast and sacrifice all there usual stamp, stamp, fingerprint palaver. Must remember to try smuggling again as the complaints bought us all those freebies – Victor confirms it pays to complain.

The drive to our new home for 3 weeks is pretty uneventful and we’re there by 11:00.

Our 4 bedroomed home is awesome. Has a pool and everything you can think of. Thanks to Barrie for giving us the details, has to be one of the best VRBO’s we’ve ever stayed in – for pictures see next weeks blog.

In the afternoon Wendy and I nip down to the Mall to see if I can get a iPhone X. No chance sold out and of course it’s a state secret when they’ll be getting anymore in – security – stuff the customer yet again.

Up at the crack of sparrows for 10:30 flight to Orlando. Apart from the usual need for security crap the airport was almost tolerable. Amazing how the only way in is via a snaking yellow brick road that takes you through every bit of duty free – marketing strikes again, f.ck the CUSTOMER. Mind you they’ve also managed to add yet another queue to the misery they call airports. Yes, you now have to queue to get in the airport lounge.

Wendy quaffs the brandy with all the gusto of someone who’s spent a week in the dessert without a drink. She just about gets on the plane where she immediately goes to sleep for 2.5 hours, wakes feeling rougher than the inside of a desiccated hush puppy, and then has the brass nipples to blame me for letting her drink so much – grown ups.

Virgin have also managed to strike another blow for added misery with a warning that there’s building works at Orlando so expect delays – they’re so sorry.

Kids are well behaved, no tears or tantrums, and the grandkids are also well behaved. Mind you for sanity sake they’re 10 rows behind us – smart eh!

Everyone’s up at the crack of sparrows. Might as well make an early start then on the parks. It’s animal kingdom today and we’re there by 830. They choose this as they thought it would be an easy day – no doubt it’s going to be a long day as we’ve a “safari” arranged for 6 o’clock. As you’d expect kids are loving it, the look on their faces is amazing, especially through lion King. I even manage the Everest roller coaster ride, it’s just 10 seconds short of my pewk point at which moment I’d be sharing diced carrots with the rest of the world. This is the second time I’ve done this. Never again.

Finish about 20:00, so it’s a McDonalds for dinner. Suits me, but so much for an easy day.

You promise the kids an ice cream and then you find that ice cream stalls are rarer that a lap dancing club in Tehran. And then, just like a bus, there’s two of them within 100 feet.

Up and out for Islands of Adventure. Security ridiculously tight with scanners. Everything out you pocket. It seems that a piece of paper has suddenly become magnetic, and is a serious security threat, it also has to be taken out. It’s all just a amateur house joke.

Another long day. The kids love it. Pictures say it all.
But by 20:00 we’ve a car full of tired screaming kids and tempers are frayed as we search for an ALL YOU CAN EAT place. End up back home.

I think it’s about time we accepted that young kids and late days at the park = misery all round. Just settle foer shorter days.

What is it with this Harry potter phenomenon, fully grown adults wandering around in Harry Potter gowns – grow up.

How I wish I could bite my toenails like Beatrix can.

Universal studios for 09:30. Good relaxing day with Starbucks and Amex lounge for me, Fiona and Beatrix – chance for her to have a crawl around. Kids get quite a few rides and shows in. Devon and Honey have been on the wimp tablets and are chickening out of rides like a mouse in a thunder storm. I manage ET and the Starbucks experience, twice. Good day.

Oh how sad Univrtsal Studios closes at 17:00, we manage to escape at 16:00 but bad news is we end up in Walmart. Kurt decides to become a nomad and disappears as soon as he’s needed. They are all scatter brained with no focus.

Disney magic kingdom highlight of the holiday. Screw up on the parades as its a Halloween party tonight, extra of course, and therefore none of the parades are available to us. Poor information on the web site so it’s time for Ross and I to go to customer services. Professionally sorted by customer services, they give Ross and co access on the Saturday we get back off the cruise, so at least the kids won’t miss the parades.

Good news, it turns out our LG TV is not repairable so we get a replacement new tv or a refund. Result!

MGM Studios today. A more relaxing day. Not out so early but we stay for Fantasmic – gets screwed up because Susie and Fiona are on Rocking Roller Coaster ride and don’t link up with Wendy. A real shame as it was one of the few things Honey really wanted to do and now she’s missed it. Wendy treats her to a present to make up for it. The rest of us watch the movie show and then the Star Wars show – impressive – just a pity it clashes with Fantasmic.

A very late night but fortunately we had the sense to have some food at 17:00, so everyones not so ratty.

Can you believe it an American diner that doesn’t sell hot dogs?

Time to leave our 5 bedroom villa in Kissimmee and set off for the Disney cruise. The villa was ok, just a tad tired. Cutlery came ready with dried food meals on it, nothing like dried egg already in the forks. Wendy washes all the cutlery etc by hand. She would have used the dishwasher but it has the unique law of nature defying ability to create matter by spewing out dishes and cutlery dirtier than when they went in. The kids are so excited, and the grandkids are excited too.

Amazing we manage to all be ready for a 10:00 departure, but it does make you wonder how Monty ever mobilised the troops in WWII.

It’s about a 80 minute drive. Well at least it would be if the driver hadn’t decided to pull off halfway down the toll road. It’s a mystery of age as to why I did it.

Drop off at port was smooth; car return efficient; security, check-in and boarding not too much hassle. Although why security had to have a 70 year old YTS’er doing on the job body scanner training amazes me.

Then by dinner time our suitcases still haven’t arrived. Turns out they’ve been stopped because there’s contraband in them – a bottle of whiskey, wine and brandy. We have to pull them out and hand them over. Collect them when we leave ship.

It’s ok if you’d put a bottle in carry on but not in the suitcase. And the cock and bull story reason for this is that Disney are so concerned for our well being that they don’t want bottles to break in our suitcase and soak our clothes. I point out in my inevitable manner that they’re more likely to get broken in hand luggage and as they’re not broken there’s no need to impound them.

Of course it’s nothing to do with them being greedy bar stewards and wanting to milk you with their on-board booze prices. Just pots for rags.

Why do they try and insult your intelligence with such a stupid reason? Why not just be up front, we sell alcohol and want to make a big profit? That I could cope with.

On the plus side the ships officer arranged for two free day spa passes and 6 free Palo restaurant tickets for all our adults. So even though he would never admit it’s just cock and bull, he at least tried to make things right and obviously didn’t agree with the rank stupidity of it.

Lazy morning getting ready for our trip to London.

It’s a 4 hour drive. No idea how they can cram 7 roadworks into the journey. Can you believe one of them was for 18 miles. Then to top it all as soon as we’d finished 18 miles of the spot the worker game, we come to a standstill due to stupid rubberneckers.

Arrived at Brett’s around 16:00. He’s got a nice (hate that word) roomy two bedroom flat in Sunninghill. He pops round to see us but he’s staying with Karien so we’ve got the run of his home for the next 4 days.

Pleasant evening in catching up on TV and of course a little wine.

Leisurely start to the day then we drive down to Hampton court for some history and selfi stick dodging. A tad expensive. I blame all those culture vulture Americans who just revel in it. Have a very interesting amble around the Henry VIII exhibits. Not so interested in the later periods. Have to limit my daily history intake.

Two interesting facts:

Field of gold meeting with good old Henry consumed 40,000 gallons of wine – not him personally despite his voracious appetites. This means each one there swigged an average of 4 pints of wine per day. Then I worry about my drinking.

Pies were the mainstay of English cooking. The pie case was actually there to act as the cooking pot. The gluttons would cut off the top of the pie and shovel the contents down. The top, sides and base of the pie would then be discarded. Fast food 15th century style.

 

In the evening Brett and karein come round and we head off out to an Italian meal.

Up early for a work opportunity. Strange having to don a suit,
tie and white shirt of course – scruffy salesmen take note. Then it’s train into Farringdon. Nearly two hours commuting. How can anyone other than a lobotomised lab rat cope with this every day or even a few days a week.

Good to see Clive again and have a tapas lunch with him. Looks like I’ve got a consultancy opportunity with him again and there could be more in the offering. So it’s Glasgow most of next week. Although at least it won’t involve too many suit and tie days.

Leisurely start to the day and then it’s the long slog back up the M6.

Day starts off sunny but of course by the time we get back to the hell hole it’s raining.

Lazy morning. We all troop into town. Dot and Wendy go shopping, not that they need anything. While Barrie and I go on a pub crawl – well just two pubs really. Very pleasant sat out in the sunshine, admiring the facades of the town buildings, watching the French world go by and enjoying a Pasties.

Then it’s back for a well deserved coffee.

In the evening it’s a buffet round at Dot and Barrie’s. Barrie’s cousin Heather and John have arrived so they join us. Drink a little wine. Well to be truthful a lot of wine and enjoy Barrie’s new Double Oak Bourbon – my it’s smooth – especially when drank alongside a Jack Daniels, rough as a badgers arse by comparison.

Stagger home in the pouring rain.

Morning was dry and warm but with rain forecast, yet again, for all afternoon so we went a walk into town. Deafened by them dam bells, it must be home to Quasimodo. Interesting how the church seems to have a spire missing. Turns out it was destroyed in June 1944 in the Battle of Bloody Hill.

Pop into the local cafe for a coffee. What a den on inequity it is. It seems like they, the local snail and cheese munchers, go to church; pop into cafe for Bingo; free bread and pate; have a few bevies; and then probably go home and beat the wife to round off the day.

In the afternoon and evening it rains as promised.

Catch up on some ITV in the evening. First time we’ve watched anything on ITV for months.

We really should have invested in some Wellie Bobs, to cope with all this rain and our quagmire of a pitch. Send some dry socks as we’ll be getting trench foot.

Our caravan is at serious risk of putting in a solo appearance on eBay.

The 79th Division liberated the La Haye du Puits on the 9th July 1944.

Battle plan.

Around La Haye du Puits there was fought a very bloody battle for Montgardon, referred to as Hill 84. The 79th Division fought for this area for five days at a cost of 1,500 GIs. When you add the causalities who fell in the battle for Hill 122 Montre Castre which is just to the east of the town, the number rises to 5,000 killed or injured. and was the most costly weekend in the European conflict. They then continued though Normandy and into the Loire Valley and then on to Germany.

There is a fine monument in the town to all the liberators and civilians who lost their lives during the liberation.

The town was badly damaged and was rebuilt in the standard concrete, but has recently been given an attractive paint job, making it look more Dutch than French. The parish church lost one of its spires during the fighting which has never been replaced.

Time to pack up and clean the caravan. A joyous sort of day but at least it doesn’t rain until the evening.

Go out to Hotel Commerce for dinner with Dot and Barrie and cousins.

Then overnight we get a parting deluge and a drum voluntary on the roof. Amazed this caravan hasn’t floated off like a 21st century aluminum arc.

Up at 07:00 with the typical whining from her indoors and to the usual sound of bells, summoning the faithful and waking the owl and pigeons. Oh the joy of packing up the caravan in a swamp thanks to last nights deluge. Cold wet feet. Memo to self, “buy a pair of welly bobs”. So much better than thongs and trench foot and frostbite in the little toe.

Can’t believe it take 135 minutes to get up; leisurely breakfast; pack up car; winterise and close up caravan. Mind you we’d save half an hour if we didn’t bother trying to tease the water butt into an expensive green bag, designed specifically to keep it clean, warm and safe, and purchased by her indoors. Never mind with all the mud on the water butt it doesn’t really need any extra protection. Pots for rags. Another memo to self “loose green bag or use it as barbecue fuel next year”.

Pretty good drive up. 350 miles and just a 6 minute delay and hardly any traffic. No chance of that in the U.K.

Car park garage was tighter than a bull’s ass during fly season. Nearly had to get the roof down or go on a crash diet to get out the car.

Hotel’s quite quaint. In the center of Bruges by the canal. Our rooms right by the canal so no doubt tomorrow morning we’ll have barge loads of German tourists peering in. Hotel provides a mosquito killer plug to deal with any mosquitoes that want your blood. Better not open the window as they’ll be in and dive bombing Wendy.

Wot no shower! Well yes there’s shower caps and a shower in the bath, but not mounted on the wall and no shower curtain. This is going to be fun, by the end of me shower the bathroom floors awash with water and wetter than a Normandy caravan pitch in September. This is not going to help my trench foot. Where has the common sense gone.

Out around Bruges for tea. Well not too far as Wendy “doesn’t want to spoil it for tomorrow”. At last some rabbit in a Flemish stew, not very appetizing that flem word, but it tasted good.

Have another famous Belgium beer back at the hotel. Then it’s time for some Armagnac and watch Suits. Instead a lengthy FaceTime with Anna whiles the night away.

What a pokey room, noisy from other rooms. I think there was an elephant learning to tap dance in the room above. You could hear everything said in adjoining rooms so thank god no one was having nooky in the next room.

Breakfast was the best thing about the hotel.

Then the tight arses in the hotel wouldn’t let us leave our car – retribution is mine says Tripadvisor – so we have to find the main car park. What a bloody nightmare that was. Major road works and to top it all the entrance to the car park is in the underpass. Have to say though once we’d found it was very impressed – green lights over empty bays and counts of available slots. What’s more plenty of room to manouvere, not your typical alloy wrecker.

Pleasant stroll around Bruges. What a lovely city, spoilt only by the infestation of droves of selfie wielding tourists.

Then it’s a short drive to the port. Armed with my sea sick pills I’m prepared for our crossing which is forecast at gale force 6 – joy. Pleasant evening meal and not a bad nights sleep. Crossing was smooth.

Welcome home to blue skies. Rain by the time we get to the hellhole.

Lazy morning around the caravan.

Then in the afternoon Wendy and I go for a bike ride. Wendy manages 10 miles, before whining, a new record.

Drive with Dot and Barrie to Saint-Germain-Sur-Ay. Oh the women are orgasmic, there’s a market on. All of 5 stalls and selling cooked chickens at the rip off price of 17 Euros.

Barrie and I go for a coffee while the women maraude the market. How can anyone take so long over just 5 stalls.

Funny we’ve been to this place before, but separately and we both remember that the first restaurant is run by a miserable French harridan with a bad attitude – nothing new there then.

Have a pleasant stroll along the beach.

Whats with all these seagulls standing on one leg? Have they all had an amputation? Turns out they do it so keep warm. One legs is tucked up in their feathers to keep warm and the other gets cold, then swap. Wonder whether, to keep warm, they pee on their feet as well?

Call in the restaurant for lunch but they take so long to even come and take our order that we troop out. Owner’s gob smacked. Obviously not used to people voting with their feet.

Back to Dots for lunch.

Barrie’s has his Frey Bentos pudding and mushy peas for tea while watching his team, Newcastle, get thrashed. Meanwhile Dot comes round tour for tea. Then when it’s safe we go round to Barrie’s for drinks.

By way of a change it lashed it down all night. Nothing better than laying in a caravan listening to the rat a tat tat of rain on the roof and suffering a sign pitch. They should make an advert of it all to help sell caravans.

Lazy morning.

Drive down with Dot and Barrie to the American Airborne Museum at Dead Man’s Corner. An amazing interactive museum that gives you a flight briefing, then you bundle into a C47 aircraft and fly on your mission to Normandy. Very realistic flight simulator; ack ack fire; smoke in the aircraft; crash landing – Disney on steroids. Museum’s quite interesting too. One of the better D-Day exhibitions. Then we pop into the Dead Mans Corner museum.

Drive up to Sainte-Mere-Eglise for a stroll round and very late lunch.

Then the highlight of the day is a trip to a big gargantuan 24 hour L.Eclerc. Bet it wasn’t there on June 6th 1944. Splash out on a quality 10 year old Canadian Whisky – Pike Creek.

Galettes, black pudding (Boudin), smoked sausage and cheese for tea. A tad disappointing but those galettes are oh so filling. Relaxing evening catching up with some crap BBC TV and finish of my blog.
How Dead Man’s Corner got it’s name:

Dead Mans Corner

The corner got it’s name when an American tank was knocked out right in front of the house, where it sat for days, with the dead commander sticking up from the turret. The troops began referring to it as “the corner where the dead man’s in the tank” This was shortened to “Dead Man’s Corner” and it is still known by that name in France today.

Lazy morning. Then a fast 6 mile bike ride for me to get the heart pumping, followed by a leisurely stroll into town with Wendy. Of course we have to go in a shop and buy something, so what better to buy than a toilet brush for all of 99 cents.

In the evening we go round to Dot and Barrie’s for tea. Barrie’s cooked a fantastic Chicken Tikka Masala and made it spicy, best one ever. As for that bottle of St Emillion it was awesome. I’ll be up and out to the sewage farm (Intermarche) tomorrow morning and if it’s under my €10 limit I’ll even get a trolley and buy a dozen.

Up and out to sewage farm with my shopping trolley. Really needed a gas mask to cope with the stench in Intermarche today. Wasn’t quite the Eau de Sewage floor cleaner from Dior, think it must be smelly hairy female french armpits. I think I’ll buy a gas mask from one of those WW2 surplus shops around here.

I’m in luck that St Emillion is €9.75, but sadly they only have 8. Oh well better than none.

Then we’re all off to Arromanches to visit gold beach, where the British landed on D-Day. What amazing ingenuity those Mulberry harbours were.

Visited the The Landings Museum in Arromanches. Interesting film, slide show and exhibits. They have the organisational skills of a swarm of disorientated nats. Thankfully they weren’t involved in the planning the D-Day landings or we’d probably have invaded the Isle of Man. Just a few signs and time tables would work wonders. In August this must be worse than the mayhem of half the muslims at Eide deciding to go around the kaba clockwise.

Then it was lunch but by 14:00 most of the restaurants had shut up or were out of food.

Drive up to the Arromanches 360 Circular museum which has awesome views over the beaches and a fantastic 360 degree D-Day landing film. Most impressed. Gives you an impression of the scale of the enterprise. But bear in mind that more Americans were killed in 9/11. Of course that was nothing to do with Islam, the religion of pieces and permanent offence.

For tea I have the left overs from Barrie’s Chicken Tikka Masala, awesome grub. In the evening we start watching Band of Brothers on HBO to get a flavour of this place.

Lazy morning and then as it’s the last sunny day before we leave we take up the mat, scrub it clean and then take down the awning. Weather is so unsettled.

Dot and Barrie come round for drinks, drinks, drinks and some dinner.

Do you know why the Tawaf around the Kaaba is “Anti-clockwise”?

Modern Science has proved many things that confirm the importance of Tawaaf around the Ka’aba “Anticlockwise.”
1) The Blood inside the human body begins its circulation “Anticlockwise”

2) The electrons of an atom revolve around its nucleus in the same manner as making Tawaf, in an anti-clockwise direction. 
Considering the universe as a whole, you will notice that: 


Mulberry harbour at Gold beach.

3) That the moon revolves around the earth anti-clockwise. 

4) The earth rotates around its own axis in an anti-clockwise direction. 

5) The earth revolves around the sun in an anti-clockwise direction. 

6) The planets of the Solar system revolve around the sun in an anti-clockwise direction.

7)The Sun along with its whole Solar system orbit in the galaxy in an anti-clockwise direction.

8)All the galaxies orbit in the space in an anti-clockwise direction.

Rain forecast all day so we set off with Dot and Barrie up to Cherbourg, where we let 2 shopaholics loose in the biggest supermarket in Normandy. Have a stroll around a giant Decathalon. Lunch at L.Eclerc.

Apparently Barrie’s Hyundai Sante Fe comes with a rear seat audio assisted gear change facility. It shouts out from the back whenever you need to change gear.

Afternoon tea at D&B’s.

Quite evening watching more of Suits because the VPN keeps failing.

Another blustery day, with April showers in a time warp.

Have a stroll into town to the local butchers and the sewage farm – supermarket with that Dior fragrance of eau de sewage.

We manage to escape a downpour that would do even America credit. There and back and not a drop on us.

For the evening we binge out on Suits and I’m on the wagon – hard work.

Overnight we have the joys of downpours playing a drum tattoo on our roof.

Drive up to Cherbourg for a stroll around the harbour and to explore. I’m convinced we’ve been there before, but none of it seems familiar and as it’s at the end of a peninsular it seems an unlikely place for us to have visited. Have a pleasant stroll down the harbour and then coffee in the Place de Big Nosed Chauvinist – Charles de Gaulle. Lovely sat out in the sun enjoying a free pop band and people watching. It seems it’s some kind of French / British together celebration – don’t worry they’ll still try and stuff us over BREXIT. There’s French flags and the Union flag flying everywhere. Better restrain my comments.

A pleasant day and not a drop of rain on us.

More Suits in the evening topped off with a lovely bottle of St Estephe. Mind you I can see a major marital bust up if Wendy continues to try drinking MY wine. Really worrying if she like a St Estephe and doesn’t just spit it out as vinegar. I think it’s all down to her having read an article saying red wine is good for you, that’s bought the hypochondriac out in her.

Decide to move pitch. Existing pitch is like a mud bath trench in the Somme – we’ll be getting trench foot at this rate. To top it all we’ve just found out it doesn’t get any sun after lunch – taken this long as we only really saw the sun yesterday. Fortunately our intended pitch is just across the road and the mover does an excellent job.

Then it’s a lazy day. Most exertion comes from a bike ride around the site. Amazed how big this site is.

Dot, Barrie and puss arrive. They come round for dinner and drinks.

Lazy morning. After lunch Wendy and I, yes we get Wendy out on Dots bike, go for a bike ride. There’s a great dedicated cycle path all the way to Caranten. Proper path not a UK dotted white line version. We don’t make it all the way but have a pleasant hours ride.

In the evening we go round to Dot and Barrie’s for drinks. Barrie’s bought some Calvados for us to try. Interesting brandy, we need to go on our Calvados tasting expedition.

Off out in Barrie’s car to Omaha beach. Try to have a lunch at the beach restaurant but according to this French harridan, with a traditional french face like a slapped arse, it’s Ferme she shouts. There’s bloody typical French gratitude for you. It would help if the tatty cardboard ferme sign wasn’t facing the wall.

Visit an interesting D-Day museum. There’s so many of them. Like mosques in Blackburn they spring up everywhere. Someone finds a rusty cartridge case and they dash out and open up a D-Day museum.

Have a pleasant lunch near the museum. Wholemeal galettes and of course chips. My coffee’s not bad either.

Then we have a drive along the coast and back home. Discover the “Snotty Spoon” cafe, so named as because the waitress, who doesn’t posses a snot rag, proceeds to sneeze into her hand and then continue to lay out the cutlery. Surely this must infringe at least 44 EU health and hygiene standards, but hey ho it’s France so “San Fairy Ann”.

To get a flavour of this area we watch the 1962 film “the Longest Day”. It’s in black and white but worth the watch.

Lazy morning. Fix my wifi router and Barrie discovers that Windows 10 PC can become a mobile hotspot. How neat is that – Apple take note.

Rains forecast but I set out for a bike ride while Wendy and Dot do what women do best – shop. I get abut 20 yards and the forecast rain arrives early. End up reading a book.

Set off with Dot and Barrie to Mont St Michael.

The BMW satnav has a stroke, seems to think it’s a tractor, as it takes us down dirt tracks more suited to a herd of sheep.

Get the roof down and enjoy the wind blowing through my hair. Barrie and I are quite warm and comfy, not so sure about those two who’ve been levered into the back seats. Good news is the wind noise drowns out the cacophony from the rear and we hardly know they’re there. Prising Wendy and Dot out the back is a work of art and contortion, just have to break a few bones to get them out.

Really impressed with how well Mont St Michael is organised. Are we still in France? Good parking facilities and a free bus over the causeway. On the Mont it’s teaming with more tourists, in those narrow streets, than muslims at a stoning. Another site ruined by tourist. All very picturesque and quaint and of course plenty of tat shops. Us heathens don’t bother going in the Abbey, seen one church and thats enough for a lifetime. Interesting gold figure at the top of the spire, but I don’t think it’s Maroni of the magic underwear 3rd book of the bible bashers clan.

Try and drive back along the allegedly picturesque coast with the wind whistling through what few follicles we have left. What coast, just looks like distant mud flats, with flatulent brown eye patched cows.

Come across a Calvados barn for a tasting and helpful geezer – obviously not french – explains the different qualities. Splash out on a 6 year old. More fruity and less tannins than the more expensive 15 year old.

The age on the bottle refers to the youngest constituent of the blend. A blend is often composed of old and young calvados. Producers can also use the terms below to refer to the age.
* “Fine”, Trois étoiles ***, and Trois pommes must be at least two years old.
* Vieux or Réserve must be at least three years old.
* “V.O.” “VO”, Vieille Réserve, “V.S.O.P.”, or “VSOP” must be at least four years old.
* “Extra”, “X.O.” “XO”, “Napoléon”, Hors d’Age, or Age Inconnu must be at least six years old, but are often sold much older.
High-quality calvados usually has parts which are much older than that mentioned. Calvados can be made from a single (generally, exceptionally good) year. When this happens, the label often carries that year.

Mont St Michael – entry to merchandising hell.

Calvados can be served as an apéritif, blended in drinks, between meals, as a digestif, or with coffee. Well-made calvados should naturally be reminiscent of apples and pears, balanced with flavours of aging. The less-aged calvados distinguishes itself with its fresh apple and pear aromas. The longer the calvados is aged, the more the taste resembles that of any other aged brandy. As calvados ages, it may become golden or darker brown with orange elements and red mahogany. The nose and palate are delicate with concentration of aged apples and dried apricots balanced with butterscotch, nut, and chocolate aromas.

As a special treat for our back seat drivers we stop at a Lidl they’re both orgasmic about. Only going for a bottle of cheap Baileys, but of course you can’t come away with an empty trolley – it’d be a sin.

Then it’s off to the local restaurant – Hotel Commerce. Certainly not hotel enterprise or customer care, a touch of the Fawlty Towers when it comes to customer service. 17:55 and in typical French fashion we’re told to come back in five minutes. Of course they couldn’t put themselves out for a bit of customer service. Have a beer down the road. Attempt two at 18:40. Ah they’ve deigned to open up by now. Away man, but the restaurant is not ready to serve until 19:00. Hang on it says open at 18:00, “ah but, this is France, and that’s just the bar. Restaurant opens at 19:00”. I’m ready to vote with my feet but my stomach thinks it’s Ramadan, so hunger gets the better of me. Have to say the meal was excellent, great salad buffet, well done rump steak, cheese and bread – no biscuits of course – and coffee Gourmande for dessert with selection of desserts.

Then to finish off the night we call back at ours for some Calvados and cheap imitation Baileys.

Budgie smugglers, beret and spare toilet seat packed; Wendy has her under arm razor packed; my “Remember Agincourt” tee shirt ironed and ready; been practising the middle finger gesture for weeks; Megaphone batteries charged up ready for when I have problems making them understand; gas mask ready so we can eat in a “NO SMOKING” French restaurant without getting lung cancer from second hand ciggie smoke; and not forgetting Wendy is taking everything in the kitchen, but thankfully she’s leaving the sink. Will there be any room left for some quality German beers or will I have to suffer drinking E numbers?

No reply yet on my email request to Macron, to remove from Normandy any French who don’t speak English,

Oh the joys of travelling. I’m on the ship / boat trying to listen to the Apple launch event when the driver starts rattling over the tannoy about some dam force 10 gale and apparently we’re still going to make the crossing. Sounds crazy to me. Never mind back to Apple.

Better have a few brandies to get a good nights sleep. As the ship’s driver said we hit quite a few pot holes, but I’m fine as long as I stay lay down in the dark. Then the inevitable happens and me bladder gets the better of me and I have to turn the light on to see where I’m aiming. That does it. I’m then shouting for Hewie and Ruth, but there’s no diced carrots just retching. Meanwhile Wendy’s snoring away.

In view of my Mal de mere, I pass on breakfast. Bacon and eggs just doesn’t tempt me. Arrive 2 hours late due to the gales.

After about 6 hours we finally get to the campsite and there’s nothing better than having to set up when it’s pissing down. Fortunately the caravan pitch is fairly level. It’s two years since we did any of this so it’s all a bit of a mystery and the occasional screw up.

After much cussing we get set up.

There’s a free wine and cheese party on the site and then it’s off to the sewerage farm, AKA Intermarche, Supermarket for tea and breakfast supplies.

So we arrive safely in France.

How do we know it’s France. Is it the guys on bikes with onions? Is it the snails winking at me from their shell? Is it because we’re on the different side of the road? No none of the above.
It’s obvious when you walk in the supermarket and that aroma of raw sewage just tantalises your nasal passages, as they’re obviously still using that eau de savage raw sewage floor cleaner to give that distinctive and welcoming smell. Vile.

Sleep like a log apart from the clamour of rain on the caravan roof. Oh the joys of caravanning.

Finish off the set up. Get wifi set up. Pretty good this caravanning, once you’re all set up.

Supermarket trips for essential supplies such as wine.

Don’t bother setting up satellite as I’ve downloaded loads of BBC and Netflix, plus wifi is pretty good so should be able to watch as needed. It looks like our 90cm, Goon Hilly Down satellite dish, can be scrapped. With wifi we can get Netflix although SmartDNS struggles with BBC and HBO – thats French internet for you.Installed SmartDNS VPN on MacBook and that copes with the BBC problem – connect via Smart DNS VPN in WiFI Preferences.

Visit the Bayeux Tapestry today. All that history and culture. Not impressed with the quality of workmanship but it’s an amazing length. I suppose it was the comic strip / Netflix / TV of it’s day.

Typical French signposts. Start off quite well when they’re at a distance. Then when you’re within about 200 yards you’re on your own.

Friday night Peter and Fran come round for drinks. We manage to quaff some French wine whilst putting the World to rights. It’s amazing how similar our views are. When will we get some politicians with some gonads who will tackle BREXIT and realise that islam is the problem. It’s a late night – midnight – as there’s one hell of a lot to put right.

Rain and hale is horrendous.

Sorry no photos of the rain this blog.

Up early to lead a leisure bike ride. Only one turned up so we cycled up to the old barn together and called it a day.

Lazy afternoon.

The Schmitt’s pick us up to go to the San Francisco Gay Mens Choir up at Deer Valley. No I didn’t wear a pink tee shirt. Hal had VIP tickets so we get quality seating and a free buffet and drinks afterwards. They were very good although not all of their material was to my taste, but a very enjoyable evening. All thanks to Hal.

Did my ears deceive me or did I just hear one of the gay announcers use the word Queer? OMG how un PC.

Up at the crack of sparrows yet again to lead a leisure hike from Silver Lake, to Empire pass and onto Payday for those who want to extend it. All along Mid-Mountain trail. Wendy makes it. Then it’s down to the corner cafe for some refreshments – Pilsner Urquell before 17:00, what a sin.

Up early again to lead a leisure bike ride but there’s a 60% chance of rain, thunder and lightning so I cancel it. Wendy was at the CC all morning so I’m left with a lazy morning.

After lunch Wendy’s convinced me to buy a pair of cowboy boots as she says they’re oh so comfortable.

Pop down to Heber to look at some boots. I’m looking for a black pair so that I can wear them under a suit, whenever I have to wear one for weddings, christenings and funerals. Wendy points out that the brown ones look better and that they’re really better under jeans. I have to agree so end up with a brown pair.

Wow try walking in my new boots. I’m think they make me 6 foot tall, so tall I think I’ll suffer with altitude sickness and get nose bleeds if I don’t end up falling off them heels. Makes me appreciate how difficult it must be for the fur coat and no knickers brigade when they’re tottering around PC in their high heels.

I want to try the new High West whisky called Valley Tan but we’re so busy this week that we’re struggling to fit it in.

NAC aquatic sports instructor for me while Wendy gets closer to god at the Christian Centre.

Lash out of a pair of cross country skis and poles from the CC, ready for this winter, cost me all of $25. Will do me whilst I see whether I can get into it – no lifts remember. The real plus is that being a geriatric I get free access to the White Pines cross country trails.

Lazy afternoon.

Then in the evening we go to the free Deer Valley concert.
What is it with this gaggle of scrots who stand up and rattle. Why bother coming to an open air con concert, when all they wanted to do was stand around and talk at the top of their gobs. In future why don’t they piss off up to the top of Big Stick where they can still see and probably hear the concert, yet can stand around rattling away like a can of marbles to their selfish hearts content. The worst offender is this gaunt gobby goblin like women, with hair like an afghan struck by lightning.

Groups not that good and we’re totally pissed off listening to the scrots – had they been good then I think there would have been a few kind words to the noisy standup scrots – so we quit about 19:00. Head off to the High West saloon for some Valley Tan. It’s a real fun place to sit at the bar, listen to the free music, chat and be entertained by the barmen making their exotic revoted concoctions. And the Valley Tans excellent but I think I’ll stick with a bottle of Double Rye to take home.

Another early start. Kayaking on the Jordanelle with PCMSC for me and CC, holy joe work for Wendy. The director of the CC thanks me for lending Wendy out. I thank him for keeping her busy and freeing me to do my own thing.

Afternoon it’s my last NAC archery instructor session.

Evening we’re off out with Tina and Neil for dinner at the Windy Ridge Bakery. Heard a lot about it and food was excellent. The Macaroni cheese was the best I’ve ever had – Wendy needs to up her game with this.

 
 

Wendy’s volunteering at the hospital whilst I take a bike ride down to the bowling alley for a couple of cheap games of bowls with the PC Newcomers Club. My bowling is abysmal – whatever happened to all that miss spent youth time bowling. I need to decide whether I’m going to straight or hook bowl, stick to it and then get some practice in at home. Then it’s the uphill haul back home. Sadly after 10 weeks it doesn’t seem to get any easier, but at least I don’t chicken out and use the bus.

Went to TGIF with the PCMSC. How the other half live, some stunning homes. Unlike some of these events it was quite a sociable affair.

Risk the wrath of her indoors by going shooting in the morning. How can anyone predict women mentality. Amazing, she’s glad I’m going as it means she’ll be able to get on with packing. Go shooting with Joe so get to shoot a nice Beretta 92 – same model as used by US military but in .22 – as well as Joe’s 9mm. Really starting to get to grips with the .22 format and seem to have got over flinching with the 9mm. Really enjoyed it. Must get an air pistol when I get home, have always wanted one since i was a child – as some would argue I’m still a child i’m going to get one.

In the afternoon we go down to the National Ability Centre party for all the volunteers. There’s Archery, cycling and climbing wall to try out. Just have to get to the top of that wall, otherwise I’ll never be able to take Jasper to the climbing wall. Amazingly I manage to get there and ring the bell without any underwear stains. Mind you given the amount of sweat I’m surprised those down below aren’t drowning in it.

Nice meal and a good gesture for all the volunteers.

All packed up and ready for the off.

Return the Hertz mobile after 9 weeks. It really helps having a car, must consider one for winter. No benefit for skiing but really useful for getting to events and activities.

Go round to Tina and Neil’s for morning tea.

Taxi finally turns up late. Then after picking up everyone in PC that owns a suitcase we finally get going. Arrive 19 minutes late. Won’t be using them again. Uber are half the price.

Refuse to use one of those dam check-in machine – play the part of a technophobe and get the assistant to do it. Fail to see how they save time, you still have to check your bags. Of course Wendy’s managed to fill the suitcases to the gunnels – just under the limit. Thankfully we’re both TSA pre-checked. Must be the site of our cowboy boots that convinces them we’re low risk. Getting through the airport is a breeze. TSA pre-check and no queues. If only they were all like that flying might go back to being a pleasure again.

You know if they really sat down and thought about it they could redesign this whole check in process down to just one human interaction and one flash of your passport. Instead of wearing your passport and boarding pass out through constant inspection.

Flight was ok. 2 glasses of red wine, a brandy and 2 sleeping tablets and I’m out for the count – cheaper than business class. Apparently I eat dinner but I’m dammed if I can remember it.

Important learning point – don’t fly in cowboy boots – your feet swell and it takes a gargantuan effort to get them back on. I have visions of walking bare foot through Paris CDG airport. Finally manage to get them on but spend the rest of the flight with my feet being clamped in a vice.

Paris CDG is a fairly easy transfer and then it’s a short Air France flight to Manchester. Nice leaving SLC later and getting into Manchester mid afternoon but prefer the SLC to Atlanta and then to Manchester route.

Kurt picks us up and that’s it a great summer in paradise at an end.

This week we’re off to see “The Book Of Mormon” down in Salt Lake – centre of the Mormon universe. Can you believe it that the Mormons allow this. In honour of my total respect for this religion, this episode of my blog will be poking fun at it, and giving the religion of pieces and permanent offence a week off.

Leisurely morning. My day of rest. No having to get up at the crack of sparrows, instead woken by the Sandhill Cranes.

In the evening we have our street party with all the neighbours. Although judging by the excuses for not attending it seems that anyone who says they will is at high risk of medical catastrophe. Anyway a pleasant evening, even if I do end up with alcohol poisoning thanks to all those “Dead Mans Boots” and “Dark And Stormy” cocktails. Stagger to bed.

Up early to go on the PCMSC Wild Flower walk in Albion Basin at Alta. They all met at Park City Bagels. I met at Wasatch bagels. Reading and comprehension skills are a wonderful thing. Anyway good job we missed the group as I’m suffering with severe alcohol poisoning so Wendy has to drive. She would rather go over Guardsmen pass than down the interstate.

Miss the group set off but bump into them on the walk – at least I don’t have to sign a waiver.

The flowers are spectacular. Despite Wendy’s whining it was worth it.

Lazy afternoon.

Out to scout out my Sunday Leisure bike ride. Just an easy 7 mile ride.

Wendy looks after Angela in the morning.

In the afternoon I set off with Hal and Angela for a 3 hour hike around the lakes at Brighton. May only be 4 mile with about a 1,000 feet elevation gain but it’s a challenge having to scramble up streams, and worst of all down them; over rock avalanches; and down steep inclines. Views are spectacular though. Thankfully we each had two walking poles or I don’t think any or us could have done it. Entertainment and constant narrative, including a the complete “Mirror, Mirror” tale, provided by Angela as she did her performance as a mountain goat without a care in the world.

A pretty exhausting but very enjoyable day yet again here in paradise.

I’m off to the NAC for kayaking while Wendy’s at the CC.

Gratitude of some people is disgusting. A women gets a free hours stand up paddle boarding, courtesy of the NAC, and all she does is whine, rant and rave because she’s expected to wear a life jacket and a leash. Why should I wear a life jacket one i’m a good swimmer? Why should I wear a leash I never had to wear one when I did it back east. Simple, you have to wear one because that the rules. Really felt like telling the ungrateful wench to take a hike.

Lazy afternoon.

Then in the evening we go out to the Boneyard for dinner with our neighbours Tina and Neil. Pleasant meal and company. Not too badly priced.

Wow I really like that Hennessy Master Blenders Selection number 1, it’s so smooth. Better still in the High West Double Rye, I think I’ll definitely have to take a bottle home.

Up at the crack of sparrows yet again – some holiday. I’m off kayaking with the sports club. A great couple of hours on the Jordanelle. Really must think about getting a kayak back home. Pity it’s so cold in the UK. Probably need my wetsuit on most times.

Take Wendy to the CC.

In the afternoon it’s archery with the NAC and Angela goes.

Back home after archery, quick change, quick tea with the Schimitts and the we’re all, minus Angela, off down to the Eccles Theatre in Salt Lake to see the Book Of Mormon. Can you imagine that this musical, the most irreverent, piss taking of the Mormon religion you can imagine, and it’s back by popular demand. All credit to the Mormons that they can laugh at themselves and are that confident in their religion that they don’t feel the need to riot or issue death threats.

The production and set was much better than the London version. Best of all was the audience, they loved it. I’m sure the audience must have been at least 50% Mormon, although no signs of magic underwear. When they sang Salta Laka City, they erupted but best of all when they said “….the Mission President. Oh f.ck him” it nearly brought the house down – this guy had obvious pissed off a lot of people. As for “Hasa Diga Eebowai” – roughly translated as “F.ck You God”, that bought rapturous applause.

A stunning performance and we all thoroughly enjoyed, even me, who hates musicals.

Can you imagine a performance of a new musical called “The Book Of Islam” being performed in Tehran and Mecca. Perhaps it’s time for the UN to take the unprecedented step of commissioning South Park to write such a musical in the hope of desensitising and toughening the skin of the religion of pieces and permanent offence. I live in hope.

The sooner all Muslims convert to Mormons the better place the World will be.

Lazy start to the day.

Wendy’s at the CC whilst I go ten pin bowling with the Park City Newcomers. Ride down there on my bike but after a Starbucks it’s a tad late to ride back so I have to cheat and catch the battery bus. Hope those Duracells last.

Home for a quick change and then we’re off to the Schmitts for a relaxing dinner on the patio before the Weber Rodeo.

Rodeo was awesome and great fireworks I’ll let the glut of pictures speak for themselves.

Really lazy day.

I scout out a route for my last leisure bike ride, around the maze known as Park Meadows. Will we ever get out of that area once we enter. That’s my exercise for the day.

After lunch we drive down to Heber to try and get a replacement sun hat for me. The last one broke out in a bad case of prickly heat as the material started to erupt from the head band. Call in at a cowboy super store but no luck as they’re all rock hard. Must be made of fibre glass, a bit like wearing a hollow plate on your head. Wendy spies some cowgirl boots that she’s always yearned for. After trying every pair of size 8’s in the shop at least twice she settles on a pair. They’ll be ideal for shopping at Asda in, just what everyone is wearing under their black bin liner.

Evening is time to catch up on TV and more Madam Secretary.

Up and out early kayaking with Bill. Those kayak of his are awesome. I need to go on a diet every time just to get in them. They slice through the water with such ease, like a hot knife through butter. But you have to be at one with your kayak to avoid them going tits up from a wave.

Get back home and we head off down Town. Dot and Wendy are going to the Silly Market, whilst Barrie and I are not so silly and head off to do some whisky tasting at the High West distillery. Try 4 of their famous Bourbons and Rye whiskies – only two at a time thanks to the religious bull shit with Utah drink laws. There that good that I buy a bottle of their Double Rye – smoother than the thigh of Cuban cigar rolling wench.

Sat at the bar next to two birds who are out on the town. One of them tells me she has a job getting her leg over. I think she was referring to the stool she’s sat on. Then the geriatric lech on the other side of them tells the other one to turn her teeth down (classic American teeth, so bright you need to done a welding mask to look at them) and get her fanny on that stool.

Then we head up to the No Name Saloon to meet up with Dot and Wendy for some more drinks.

We take Dot and Barrie down to SLC airport.

Then when I get back I try my proposed leisure bike ride from Willow Creek up to the Corner Cafe and back. A tough ride. Uphill most of the way to the Corner Cafe and then downhill back.

Wendy was at the Christian Center most of the day.

A Belthorn day. Grey and rainy.

I was due to lead a Leisure Hike but what with the rain overnight, creates a mud bath, and the rain in the morning it’s cancelled.

So, apart from my appointment with fear to have my crown fitted it’s a boring day in. Just like being at home.

NAC kayaking in the morning for me and CC for Wendy.

After lunch we take a stroll down to the old barn and back. A pleasant walk and we get to see 3 beavers, of the wildlife variety, 1 snake, 1 marmot and red winged blackbird. Loads of beautiful wild flowers.

In the evening we pass on the Deer Valley concert, too wet, and binge out on more Madam Secretary.

I go kayaking with PCMSC in the morning, while Wendy looks after Angela and shows her how to knit.

In the afternoon I take Angela up to the NAC with me for her archery lesson.

Yet more Madam Secretary.

Biked down to bowling at Kimble Junction while Wendy went to the CC.

In the evening we went out to dinner with Carol and Angela at Fuego Italian restaurant. Food was ok but it was noisier than a school canteen. Then we went to see Mary Wilson in concert at the Egyptian Theatre. Now if you’re like me you’ve probably not got a clue as to who the hell she is. Well she was in the Supremes with Diana Ross – 73 years old.

Well when she started out with her first, slow wailing song, I’m scratting around looking for a razor blade to slit my wrist with. Fortunately after that she got into her Supremes numbers and the rest was a great performance. Interesting costume on the last section, just waiting for a wardrobe accident as a big pair of boobs are bobbing around looking for a way out.

Meanwhile for my added entertainment I have a blond bimbo trophy wife sat in front of me, with her blond locks gyrating around like a plastic nodding head car dog with saint Vitas dance.

Lead a leisure bike ride from Willow Creek up to the Corner Cafe and back. Pretty grueling as I have to ride down to Willow Creek, do the bike ride and then ride home back from Willow Creek. Nothing but hills and I’m like a knackered donkey by the end of it.

Lazy afternoon to recuperate.

Meanwhile Wendy needs to ring Park City Lodging to ask them to come and do a bush trim. It’s grown that big we struggle to get out the back way.