Monthly Archives: August 2017

20170806 – Gay Choir; Scrots At A Concert; Goodbye Paradise

Sunday – hot and sunny.

What a gay day.

Up early to lead a leisure bike ride. Only one turned up so we cycled up to the old barn together and called it a day.

Lazy afternoon.

The Schmitt’s pick us up to go to the San Francisco Gay Mens Choir up at Deer Valley. No I didn’t wear a pink tee shirt. Hal had VIP tickets so we get quality seating and a free buffet and drinks afterwards. They were very good although not all of their material was to my taste, but a very enjoyable evening. All thanks to Hal.

Did my ears deceive me or did I just hear one of the gay announcers use the word Queer? OMG how un PC.

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Monday – hot and sunny.

Leisure hike.

Up at the crack of sparrows yet again to lead a leisure hike from Silver Lake, to Empire pass and onto Payday for those who want to extend it. All along Mid-Mountain trail. Wendy makes it. Then it’s down to the corner cafe for some refreshments – Pilsner Urquell before 17:00, what a sin.
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Truck of Peace: Trannies of Mass Destruction

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Gay Choir

I don’t believe it. A new craze:

An upskirt photo is a photo taken up someone’s skirt without consent.

Such photos may end up on dedicated upskirt websites – which are big business.

Some perpetrators have been known to use a camera embedded in the top of their shoe.

Upskirting is an offence in Scotland under the Sexual Offences (Scotland) Act 2009 – in England and Wales it is harder to prosecute.

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Gay choir VIP seats.

Up early again to lead a leisure bike ride but there’s a 60% chance of rain, thunder and lightning so I cancel it. Wendy was at the CC all morning so I’m left with a lazy morning.

After lunch Wendy’s convinced me to buy a pair of cowboy boots as she says they’re oh so comfortable.

Pop down to Heber to look at some boots. I’m looking for a black pair so that I can wear them under a suit, whenever I have to wear one for weddings, christenings and funerals. Wendy points out that the brown ones look better and that they’re really better under jeans. I have to agree so end up with a brown pair.

Wow try walking in my new boots. I’m think they make me 6 foot tall, so tall I think I’ll suffer with altitude sickness and get nose bleeds if I don’t end up falling off them heels. Makes me appreciate how difficult it must be for the fur coat and no knickers brigade when they’re tottering around PC in their high heels.

I want to try the new High West whisky called Valley Tan but we’re so busy this week that we’re struggling to fit it in.
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Family Guy – Peter Becomes a Muslim

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

High West saloon.

NAC aquatic sports instructor for me while Wendy gets closer to god at the Christian Centre.

Lash out of a pair of cross country skis and poles from the CC, ready for this winter, cost me all of $25. Will do me whilst I see whether I can get into it – no lifts remember. The real plus is that being a geriatric I get free access to the White Pines cross country trails.

Lazy afternoon.

Then in the evening we go to the free Deer Valley concert.
What is it with this gaggle of scrots who stand up and rattle. Why bother coming to an open air con concert, when all they wanted to do was stand around and talk at the top of their gobs. In future why don’t they piss off up to the top of Big Stick where they can still see and probably hear the concert, yet can stand around rattling away like a can of marbles to their selfish hearts content. The worst offender is this gaunt gobby goblin like women, with hair like an afghan struck by lightning.

Groups not that good and we’re totally pissed off listening to the scrots – had they been good then I think there would have been a few kind words to the noisy standup scrots – so we quit about 19:00. Head off to the High West saloon for some Valley Tan. It’s a real fun place to sit at the bar, listen to the free music, chat and be entertained by the barmen making their exotic revoted concoctions. And the Valley Tans excellent but I think I’ll stick with a bottle of Double Rye to take home.

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Old town Heber City

Passwords the bane of our lives. When will the IT industry produce a sensible and practical solution, surely it can’t be beyond the wit of man to find a solution that will cast this archaic worship at the alter of the high priests of technology into the garbage truck of history where they so deservedly belong. Our grandchildren will, I’m sure, be amazed to learn the silly hoops we had to jump through.

Latest musings on the subject:

It has become the bane of many’s existences: being forced to use complicated and difficult-to-remember passwords laden with random numbers and symbols.
But the man who originally came up with the rules on safe passwords has admitted that his guidance was totally wrong, 14 years after it was first published.

Bill Burr wrote what has become the “bible” on password security in 2003 while working for the US Government. It advised using capital letters, numbers and non-alphabetic symbols in passwords, in the belief that they would be more difficult to guess.

His work is now responsible for offices and websites forcing people to adopt tortuous phrases such as “P@55w0rd” or “Football123” to satisfy password forms, as well as IT departments demanding that workers create a new one every 90 days. But instead of improving security, the combinations actually made computer systems less secure, since users would end up using the same password repeatedly, or writing them down on post-it notes attached to their screens. Nor did the introduction of numbers and symbols make passwords any less vulnerable to “brute force” cyber attacks in which a computer cycles through every possible combination of characters to guess a password.

How neat is this. America has respect.

“Much of what I did I now regret,” Burr, who is now retired, told the Wall Street Journal. “In the end, it was probably too complicated for a lot of folks to understand very well, and the truth is, it was barking up the wrong tree.” He added that the advice to regularly change passwords was mistaken, since most people end up altering one character, such as changing from “username1″ to username2”, which does little to stop hackers.

In 2015, GCHQ advised companies to stop resetting passwords, saying the inconvenience it created outweighed any limited security benefits.
The original password guidelines from America’s National Institute for Science and Technology written by Burr have recently been updated to do away with the old rules. They now advise that people use long but easy-to-remember “passphrases”, a sequence of words that do not need to feature special characters or numbers. Using “horsecarrotsaddlestable” would take one trillion years for a “botnet” cyber attack to crack, compared to one minute for “P@55w0rd”. 

Thursday – hot and sunny.

An afternoon visit.

Another early start. Kayaking on the Jordanelle with PCMSC for me and CC, holy joe work for Wendy. The director of the CC thanks me for lending Wendy out. I thank him for keeping her busy and freeing me to do my own thing.

Afternoon it’s my last NAC archery instructor session.

Evening we’re off out with Tina and Neil for dinner at the Windy Ridge Bakery. Heard a lot about it and food was excellent. The Macaroni cheese was the best I’ve ever had – Wendy needs to up her game with this.
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Called in at Anytime Fitness in Heber City. Hang on they’re closed Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday.

Company to rename as Sometime Fitness.

 
 

Friday – hot and sunny.

Deer valley toilets.


Wendy’s volunteering at the hospital whilst I take a bike ride down to the bowling alley for a couple of cheap games of bowls with the PC Newcomers Club. My bowling is abysmal – whatever happened to all that miss spent youth time bowling. I need to decide whether I’m going to straight or hook bowl, stick to it and then get some practice in at home. Then it’s the uphill haul back home. Sadly after 10 weeks it doesn’t seem to get any easier, but at least I don’t chicken out and use the bus.

Went to TGIF with the PCMSC. How the other half live, some stunning homes. Unlike some of these events it was quite a sociable affair.

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What’s happening in America?

First of all they seem to want to do a communist / ISIS stunt by recreating history and pulling down statues of any confederate slave owners.

Then when THEIR president condemns violence and hatred all round, not just the right wing fascist or the left wing liberals he get’s lambasted by the media for not condemning the nazis, KKK and fascist. Now I know that reading and comprehension can be a stretch for a lot of Americans, but read what he said. He condemned all sides for violence, racism and hatred.

Sadly he then caves in to the stupid media and comes out with a condemnation of the nazi, KKK and fascist element, no mention of the left wing liberals. Then he’s criticised for saying it too late.

Get a grip Trump.

Get a grip America.

Saturday – hot and sunny.

Finally Wendy gets some cowgirl boots – too late for the rodeo.

Risk the wrath of her indoors by going shooting in the morning. How can anyone predict women mentality. Amazing, she’s glad I’m going as it means she’ll be able to get on with packing. Go shooting with Joe so get to shoot a nice Beretta 92 – same model as used by US military but in .22 – as well as Joe’s 9mm. Really starting to get to grips with the .22 format and seem to have got over flinching with the 9mm. Really enjoyed it. Must get an air pistol when I get home, have always wanted one since i was a child – as some would argue I’m still a child i’m going to get one.

In the afternoon we go down to the National Ability Centre party for all the volunteers. There’s Archery, cycling and climbing wall to try out. Just have to get to the top of that wall, otherwise I’ll never be able to take Jasper to the climbing wall. Amazingly I manage to get there and ring the bell without any underwear stains. Mind you given the amount of sweat I’m surprised those down below aren’t drowning in it.

Nice meal and a good gesture for all the volunteers.
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Tuck of Peace: Antifabulous

Sunday – hot and sunny.

Made it to the top.

All packed up and ready for the off.

Return the Hertz mobile after 9 weeks. It really helps having a car, must consider one for winter. No benefit for skiing but really useful for getting to events and activities.

Go round to Tina and Neil’s for morning tea.

Taxi finally turns up late. Then after picking up everyone in PC that owns a suitcase we finally get going. Arrive 19 minutes late. Won’t be using them again. Uber are half the price.

Refuse to use one of those dam check-in machine – play the part of a technophobe and get the assistant to do it. Fail to see how they save time, you still have to check your bags. Of course Wendy’s managed to fill the suitcases to the gunnels – just under the limit. Thankfully we’re both TSA pre-checked. Must be the site of our cowboy boots that convinces them we’re low risk. Getting through the airport is a breeze. TSA pre-check and no queues. If only they were all like that flying might go back to being a pleasure again.

You know if they really sat down and thought about it they could redesign this whole check in process down to just one human interaction and one flash of your passport. Instead of wearing your passport and boarding pass out through constant inspection.

Flight was ok. 2 glasses of red wine, a brandy and 2 sleeping tablets and I’m out for the count – cheaper than business class. Apparently I eat dinner but I’m dammed if I can remember it.

Important learning point – don’t fly in cowboy boots – your feet swell and it takes a gargantuan effort to get them back on. I have visions of walking bare foot through Paris CDG airport. Finally manage to get them on but spend the rest of the flight with my feet being clamped in a vice.

Paris CDG is a fairly easy transfer and then it’s a short Air France flight to Manchester. Nice leaving SLC later and getting into Manchester mid afternoon but prefer the SLC to Atlanta and then to Manchester route.

Kurt picks us up and that’s it a great summer in paradise at an end.
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Off now to write a new musical “The Book of Islam”. The religion of pieces and permanent offence provides such a wealth of great material and it’s just what this so called religion needs to desensitise it.

Hopefully be able to have it’s Premier in Tehran.

Only problem is finding someone brave enough to write the music and a cast.

20170730 – Street Party; Hasa Diga Eebowai; Rodeo

Sunday – hot and sunny.

Another photograph. My 26th smile so far this year.

The Dead Man’s Boots is the #1 selling cocktail at High West Saloon in Park City. An interesting modification is to replace the tequila with Silver Oat Whiskey.
RECIPE:
1.5 oz Rendezvous Rye
1 oz Reposado Tequila
0.5 oz fresh lime juice
0.5 oz sugar cane syrup
1 oz Ginger beer
Combine the first 4 ingredients in mixing glass with ice and shake. Strain into ice-filled Collins glass and top with ginger beer.


This week we’re off to see “The Book Of Mormon” down in Salt Lake – centre of the Mormon universe. Can you believe it that the Mormons allow this. In honour of my total respect for this religion, this episode of my blog will be poking fun at it, and giving the religion of pieces and permanent offence a week off.

Leisurely morning. My day of rest. No having to get up at the crack of sparrows, instead woken by the Sandhill Cranes.

Dunlop Court street party.

In the evening we have our street party with all the neighbours. Although judging by the excuses for not attending it seems that anyone who says they will is at high risk of medical catastrophe. Anyway a pleasant evening, even if I do end up with alcohol poisoning thanks to all those “Dead Mans Boots” and “Dark And Stormy” cocktails. Stagger to bed.

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Nothing much to say on this other than how fortunate we are to be here in paradise, even if the place is infested with super fit health freaks. Despite being geriatrics, so much better than the alternative, we’re still lucky enough to have good health and enjoy most of the activities available. Making the most of it while we’re still able.

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INGREDIENTS IN THE DARK & STORMY COCKTAIL
1 1⁄2 oz Gosling’s Black Seal rum
Ginger beer – so much better with an alcoholic version
Garnish:
Lime wedge
Glass: Collins or Highball
HOW TO MAKE THE DARK & STORMY COCKTAIL
Fill a tall glass with ice, and add the rum.
Top with the ginger beer.
Garnish with a lime wedge.

A Mormon bishop, a Catholic priest, and a TV evangelist were fishing from a boat in the middle of a small lake. The priest realized that he’d left his tackle box in his car, and, not wanting to disturb the other two, got out of the boat and walked over the water to the shore, got his gear, walked back, and started fishing.

An hour or so passed, and the bishop began to feel a little hungry. His lunch was back in his car, though. . . . So, he got out of the boat, walked over the water, got his lunch, came back, and nibbled on his sandwich.

The evangelist, not to be outdone, decided that he’d best go for a walk, too. He mumbled something about going to the bathroom, stood up, stepped over the side of the boat . . . and splashed into the lake.

The priest, chuckling, said to the bishop, “Think we should’ve told him about those submerged rocks?” Said the bishop, “what rocks??”

Monday – hot and sunny.

Wild flowers.

Up early to go on the PCMSC Wild Flower walk in Albion Basin at Alta. They all met at Park City Bagels. I met at Wasatch bagels. Reading and comprehension skills are a wonderful thing. Anyway good job we missed the group as I’m suffering with severe alcohol poisoning so Wendy has to drive. She would rather go over Guardsmen pass than down the interstate.

Miss the group set off but bump into them on the walk – at least I don’t have to sign a waiver.

The flowers are spectacular. Despite Wendy’s whining it was worth it.

Lazy afternoon.
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The Book Of Mormon Comes To South Park To the tune of ‘Hello’

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Some interesting theories on the religion of pieces and permanent offence:

Mecca didn’t exist until several hundred years after mohamed’s death.

No evidence that the Quraysh tribe – mohamed’s tribe – ever existed.

Not a single biography of mohamed date from his time. The most famous and earliest was at least 100 years after his death.

Arabia is portrayed as a pagan wasteland before the time of mohamed. Yet there is strong evidence of thriving Christian and Jewish communities.

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Mary Lake.

Out to scout out my Sunday Leisure bike ride. Just an easy 7 mile ride.

Wendy looks after Angela in the morning.

In the afternoon I set off with Hal and Angela for a 3 hour hike around the lakes at Brighton. May only be 4 mile with about a 1,000 feet elevation gain but it’s a challenge having to scramble up streams, and worst of all down them; over rock avalanches; and down steep inclines. Views are spectacular though. Thankfully we each had two walking poles or I don’t think any or us could have done it. Entertainment and constant narrative, including a the complete “Mirror, Mirror” tale, provided by Angela as she did her performance as a mountain goat without a care in the world.

A pretty exhausting but very enjoyable day yet again here in paradise.

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Wendy’s famous.

A Mormon Bishop got on an elevator on the 10th floor, (he was heading to the lobby) when on the 8th floor a beautiful woman walked in. (they were alone) On the way to the lobby the gorgeous woman hit the stop button. She turned to the Bishop and said: “Can you make me feel like a true woman?” The

Bishop said: “I sure can” and excitedly took off all his clothes, he then threw them in the corner of the elevator. He turned to the woman pointed to the clothes and said: “Now fold them”.

BYU The Dean of Women at BYU was lecturing her students on sexual morality. “We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,” she said, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, “Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?”

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/religiousjokes/mormonjokes.html

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Mormon Secrets: What the Missionaries Don’t Tell

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

I’m off to the NAC for kayaking while Wendy’s at the CC.

Gratitude of some people is disgusting. A women gets a free hours stand up paddle boarding, courtesy of the NAC, and all she does is whine, rant and rave because she’s expected to wear a life jacket and a leash. Why should I wear a life jacket one i’m a good swimmer? Why should I wear a leash I never had to wear one when I did it back east. Simple, you have to wear one because that the rules. Really felt like telling the ungrateful wench to take a hike.

Lazy afternoon.

Then in the evening we go out to the Boneyard for dinner with our neighbours Tina and Neil. Pleasant meal and company. Not too badly priced.

Wow I really like that Hennessy Master Blenders Selection number 1, it’s so smooth. Better still in the High West Double Rye, I think I’ll definitely have to take a bottle home.
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Big Cottonwood Canyon.

Mormon Mother A Mormon mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Owen, 5, and Bill, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, “Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.”

Owen turned to his younger brother and said, “Bill, you be Jesus.

100 A elderly Mormon asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I’ve never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around and marry many women?” inquired the doctor. “No, I’ve never done any of those things either.”

“Well then,” said the doctor, “what do you want to live to be a hundred for?”

Thursday – hot and sunny.

What better place to watch this than Salt Lake City – amazing.

Up at the crack of sparrows yet again – some holiday. I’m off kayaking with the sports club. A great couple of hours on the Jordanelle. Really must think about getting a kayak back home. Pity it’s so cold in the UK. Probably need my wetsuit on most times.

Take Wendy to the CC.

In the afternoon it’s archery with the NAC and Angela goes.

Back home after archery, quick change, quick tea with the Schimitts and the we’re all, minus Angela, off down to the Eccles Theatre in Salt Lake to see the Book Of Mormon. Can you imagine that this musical, the most irreverent, piss taking of the Mormon religion you can imagine, and it’s back by popular demand. All credit to the Mormons that they can laugh at themselves and are that confident in their religion that they don’t feel the need to riot or issue death threats.

Some smart marketing by the Mormons in the Book of Mormon musical programme.

The production and set was much better than the London version. Best of all was the audience, they loved it. I’m sure the audience must have been at least 50% Mormon, although no signs of magic underwear. When they sang Salta Laka City, they erupted but best of all when they said “….the Mission President. Oh f.ck him” it nearly brought the house down – this guy had obvious pissed off a lot of people. As for “Hasa Diga Eebowai” – roughly translated as “F.ck You God”, that bought rapturous applause.

A stunning performance and we all thoroughly enjoyed, even me, who hates musicals.

Can you imagine a performance of a new musical called “The Book Of Islam” being performed in Tehran and Mecca. Perhaps it’s time for the UN to take the unprecedented step of commissioning South Park to write such a musical in the hope of desensitising and toughening the skin of the religion of pieces and permanent offence. I live in hope.

The sooner all Muslims convert to Mormons the better place the World will be.

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I really think I have to cancel my subscription to The Times. I purposely try and read a balanced broad sheet, as I know that a click on the Daily Express or Daily Mail will result in blood boiling melt down. But it seems there is so much PC stupidity from our bed wetting, gutless politicians and institutions that it’s time to avoid any news from back home. Much simpler to follow American politics. At least it has the advantage of not affecting me and hence no boiling blood.

Just look at a few of the items of stupidity this week:

  • It appears that unilaterally and without anything in return we’ve given the EU the right to plunder our fishing waters.
  • More examples of fortunes being spent on legal aid for muslim grooming gangs (£1.3 million) and known terrorist who don’t want to be kicked out of the very country they are trying to overthrow. The case of the grooming gang is pretty galling and sickening because, despite the depraved nature of their crimes, the men are trying to exploit Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights – which safeguards the right to family life. The four – who raped, abused and tormented young girls – claim booting them out of the country will harm their families.
  • Muslim entrance to the Miss World contest has been given permission to wear a Kaftan rather than a bikini. Simples if you don’t want to wear a bikini then don’t enter. Why didn’t she go the whole hole hog and ask to wear a full burka or a black bin liner instead.
  • When will we ever get some politicians with some gonads and a skerrick of common sense. The only ones who seem to qualify are Farage and Mogg.

    Friday – hot and sunny.

    Heber City rodeo.

    Lazy start to the day.

    Wendy’s at the CC whilst I go ten pin bowling with the Park City Newcomers. Ride down there on my bike but after a Starbucks it’s a tad late to ride back so I have to cheat and catch the battery bus. Hope those Duracells last.


    Home for a quick change and then we’re off to the Schmitts for a relaxing dinner on the patio before the Weber Rodeo.

    Rodeo was awesome and great fireworks I’ll let the glut of pictures speak for themselves.
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    A anxious soon to be Mormon father spoke frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “No, you idiot!” the man shouted. “This is her husband!”

    One time two LDS missionaries where walking down the street, when they came upon some horse manure. The first missionary said; “That looks like horse manure”. He then reached down and picked some up and said; “Feels like horse manure”. He then tasted some and said; “Taste like horse manure”. The second missionary then said; “Good thing we didn’t step in it.”

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    What is it with American traffic lights. You get the green light, go to turn right and find that yet another American marching band now has a walk now sign and are non-chantly strolling across, with their iPhones strapped to the side of their shrivelled brains. Can they not figure out that it would be safer if pedestrians, even brass marching bands and dozy birds with their iPhones strapped to their lips, had an exclusive time to cross the road.

    Saturday – hot and sunny.

    Really lazy day.

    I scout out a route for my last leisure bike ride, around the maze known as Park Meadows. Will we ever get out of that area once we enter. That’s my exercise for the day.

    After lunch we drive down to Heber to try and get a replacement sun hat for me. The last one broke out in a bad case of prickly heat as the material started to erupt from the head band. Call in at a cowboy super store but no luck as they’re all rock hard. Must be made of fibre glass, a bit like wearing a hollow plate on your head. Wendy spies some cowgirl boots that she’s always yearned for. After trying every pair of size 8’s in the shop at least twice she settles on a pair. They’ll be ideal for shopping at Asda in, just what everyone is wearing under their black bin liner.

    Evening is time to catch up on TV and more Madam Secretary.
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    Banned Mormon carton:

    20170730 – Street Party; Hasa Diga Eebowai; Rodeo


    At least there’s plenty of sex involved.