Sunday – short rain shower start to the day, then warn with sun and clouds.
Lazy morning then a MTB ride around Round Valley. Did my usual route apart from a short variation to avoid Cammys hill. Whilst the 12 year BMX sage from the other day may have said “there’s no shame in walking up”. I wonder what he’d have thought about my walking down a section. It was that steep I even had trouble walking down, steeper than a black ski run – frightening. I don’t think even my brakes would have held me.
Anyway awesome ride and fitness must be improving, managed to clip 18 minutes off a 112 minute ride. Improved pace from 8.33 minutes per mile down to 7.29. Not that I’m getting obsessive.
Hal and Randy come round in the evening for dinner. Roast and veg of course – got to have
the 5 a week.
Monday – warm and sunny.
Pick up me Hertz mobile up. Fantastic free upgrade from the cheapest compact going to a Chrysler 300C AWD 
luxury sedan, a real pleasure to drive, comfortable, massive and all the bells and whistles you can think of. But what’s happening to the country? Have car designers no shame? I took one look at it and thought yes, 15MPG, that’ll get me more points towards me green card. But bugger me if the dam thing doesn’t have Eco mode and manages mid 30s MPG. Mind you it will win the “Detroit Witless Design of the Year” award for hiding the petrol cap release button – unbelievable stupidity.
Could definitely get to like this keyless ignition. Heated steering wheel and seats, that come on automatically when cold, very nice but drives you nuts. Even has cooled / vented seats. I wonder if they come on automatically when very hot. Meanwhile the voice on the Hertz never lost sounds like some half witted reatard that sounds like a toothless Tennessee moonshiner’s moll. By the time we reach JacksonHole I’m ready to do a Van Gough and slit both me ears off.
Takes us just 4 hours to get to Jackson Hole, one of my favourite Cowboy Towns.
Check in at the Quality Inn and Suites 49’er at Jackson Hole. More on that place later.
Visit the National Park visitor centre to buy our annual park pass (only $80) and plan our Tuesday in the Grand Teton National Park. Then drive back down past Jackson Hole ski mountain resort. We skied there some years ago. Not one of my favourite ski resorts. See a majestic Great Grey Owl – see picture – and can certainly understand why it’s called Great, it was about 30” tall – awesome.
Stroll down to the town square for dinner. Just miss the town square shoot out. The place is 
infested with a plague of Japs. You can hardly move without having you’re eye taken out by a fast panning telescopic lens.
Have dinner at the famous Millionaire Cowboy Saloon. Elk and Bison mixed grill for dinner was delicious and well prepared and unusual for an American restaurant – quality and not excessive quantity. Aptly named place, expensive.
Pick up a bottle of wine on the way back to hotel.
Tuesday – cold, some sun and no snow despite it being forecast.
It’s colder than a brass toilet seat on the shady side of Grand Teton. Thankfully we had our ski gear with us so we survived and at least the forecast snow held off.
Mediocre breakfast then drive down to Jenny Lake. Catch the ferry across the lake and then take a “hike” up to the Hidden Waterfall and then bravely on to Inspiration Point. I say bravely because part of the path and the drop-
offs was way over my tolerance limit. But I made it without incident, even if coming down was a tad tortuous. No I hate heights – that scared you couldn’t drive a wet watermelon seed up me butt with a sledge hammer. Views from Inspiration Point were worth the hike.
Then we took a drive around the loop road. Calling off at most of the key stop off for photographs. Called in at Signal Mountain Lodge where Wendy managed to buy a colourful belt she’d been admiring but couldn’t find one big enough. Can you believe it Wendy had to get a Large belt to fit around her waist!
Had afternoon tea and coffee at the Jackson Lake Lodge. Very grand and dignified, even had a live pianist playing along with massive comfortable settees to sink into – very civilised.
Finish the loop drive. Pick up some wine at Albertsons. Wine’s more expensive here than in the religious, anti-
alcohol state of Utah. Then it’s a spicy Italian Sandwich for me and a Turkey Reubens for Wendy over at the Sandwich cafe. A great cheap meal. Mind you a Reubens really needs to have Pastrami on it.
Wednesday – cold and snowing. Thank the FSM it’s summer or else it cold be really cold.
Up early and check out of the 49’er Hotel.
Well what can I say abut the Quality Inn and Suites 49’er in Jackson:
On the good side the room was clean, comfortable and nicely furnished although a tad on the dark side. Staff were very friendly.
On the downside. Breakfast can best be described as mediocre and they’d run out of scramble eggs – supplier let them down. No USA Today – another supplier let them down. Is there a theme here. Of course management couldn’t figure out to nip down the street to a newsagent and buy some – too much lateral thinking to expect. Door to room was a nightmare to open, more badly designed than a soup sandwich. TV remote didn’t work. All minor annoyances but clearly demonstrates poor management, which is becoming a recurring feature with Choice Hotels these days. Perhaps it’s time for a change of brand loyalty after many years.
Anyway on check out I suppose if I hand over $300 instead of the $350 on the bill, management will have no problem with my lame brain excuse that my bank let me down with supplying dollars.
Drive up through Grand Tetons National Park into Yellowstone. At times there’s a raging snow blizzard blowing, 
ind it is 8,500 feet up, and it’s obvious they’ve had quite a bit of snow up there. Fortunately we have all of our ski gear so manage to survive the day.
Check in at the Grant Village Lodge for two nights.
Drive up to the Old Faithful Geyser and catch one of its 2 minute performances, one every 94 minutes. Fortunately by now the suns out and it has stopped snowing. I was pretty impressed but Wendy’s comment was, “well is that all there is to it”. Definitely under-awed by it.
Have afternoon tea and coffee in the Old Faithful Inn. A very impressive old natural wood hotel – awesome structure. Mind you can’t say much for the service.
Drive back and stop off at Kepler Cascade for more photos.
Back to our room for a coffee. They’ve one of these yuppie Keurig coffee machines. I’ve been dying to try one. Dam thing wouldn’t work until I slammed the lid down, obviously likes being treated rough. Coffee was mediocre. If you have a tea after a coffee then the teas polluted with coffee grinds. Now thats clever. You spend fortune on a machine. They then have you by the short and curlies for buying overpriced, mediocre coffees with limited choice. Confirms my innate prejudice against such gimmicks – best avoided.
Go for dinner at the Grant Village Dining Room. We had a starter each that was bigger than the main course. I had a delicious Elk steak. Wendy had ice cold Elk and Bison meat loaf along with ice cold potatoes, she sent it back. Then the 2nd one was just as cold. She told them to stuff it.
Thursday – sun and cloud. Warmed up by dinner time.
Up early and had breakfast at the General Store grill. Then it’s off for a drive around the loop road to see all the major sites in one day.
Yellowstone. Wilderness, no wifi. Can you believe that? How do people survive here? No cellular either.
We’re sat on top of one of the Worlds biggest active volcanoes.
Bad news is it hasn’t erupted for 640,000 years, so could be due anytime.
Good news is that if it does kick off then we’re in the best place, with a quick hellfire death, rather than a lingering nuclear winter that such an eruption would cause.
Given the risk of an eruption I’m surprised the health and safety numbskulls haven’t surrounded all 2 million acres with “DO NOT ENTER” tape and declared it off limits to the public.
By the way it’s big, America of course it has to be, it’s awesome and it needs weeks to do it justice.
Pictures may follow if we ever reach civilisation.
By the end of our exhausting 12 hour day, I think we’re geysered out. More geysers, thermal
springs, mud pots, sulphur cauldrons and the like, than anywhere in the world.
Also smelt the bubbling sulphur cauldron. If this is what Hell smells like then I definitely don’t want to go there. I’ll be really good from now on. I promise! Perhaps I’d better get religion. Pascal’s wager might be a safer bet than the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but it’s such a weaklings compromise. Mind you at least with the FSM there’s no hell.
Highlight of Thursday had to be seeing a real live Black and a Grizzly bear. Wendy was orgasmic – much more impressed than she was of Old Faithful. Even if we did create a major traffic jam photographing them. But Mr Ranger Sir moved us on. They’re definitely about, bears that is. Evidenced by some fresh looking bear poo, but Wendy wasn’t for dipping her finger in to see if it 
was still hot.
Just get back in time for a nice cool beer and a Reubens at the Lake house in Grant Village:
Good
Staff very friendly well trained and motivated. Quick service but why they make such a dogs breakfast of delivering a beer. Another example of American job creation schemes and lack of common sense. Pay, bar, beer hand it over – it’s oh so simple.
Bad
Sadly this place isn’t really too hot (pardon the sarcasm) on 
ood food and the menu distinctly lacks imagination. The cook / warmer upper even seemed to have problems toasting a Reubens without charcoalling it. Sadly we were so tired and hungry we’d have eat the fur off a fried grizzly.
When you watch Americans eat it’s a wonder table knife manufacturers haven’t gone out of business.
Friday – warm and sunny.
Check out of the Grant Village Lodge:
Good
The only place with availability when we booked 3 months ago. Cheapest place around. Quick check in. Clean and comfortable. Basic room with two double beds.
Bad
A tad basic. Silly Keurig coffee machine. Main dislike was the cuddly black bear toy on the bed. People might think it was free. It wasn’t. Kids would fall in love with it and myther parents for it. Take it home and it was charged to your room at $16.99. What a despicable and devious ploy to sell stuff, especially harsh on parents with young kids. Should be banned.
Up at the crack of sparrows and drive down to the Old Faithful Lodge for Breakfast:
Good
A very reasonable all you can eat breakfast in great surroundings with a good choice.
Bad
Having to wait for a table when the restaurants half full. Typical American approach to service. “Oh we like to make sure their’s enough staff to serve you promptly”. Why then did we have to wait for our server?
Lovely hotel with oodles of charm and character. What a pity we couldn’t have stayed here. Probably have to book years in advance.
We were going to do some walks around the Old Faithful area, but by the time we’d had shopped for enough trivia to incur excess baggage charges, we decided to set off for the 6 hour drive home. Fortunately the weather by now was pleasant, after a few more photo opportunity stops as we drove through Grand Tetons, we had a pleasant and scenic drive back to PC. Then it’s straight to the supermarket for a giant weekly shop while we have 
the advantage of a car. For me it’s a trip to Chubasco’s for a take away smothered burrito and spicy sauces so hot me arse thinks it’s passing a flaming fireball the next day.
Whilst we loved Yellowstone and only wished we had more time there I have to say that in their eagerness to protect the environment etc., it seems their brains have clogged up, all common sense and enterprise has sunk in the hot mud springs. Mediocrity has seized their troubled minds. Nothing matters. Choice in oh so may ways is limited and lacks imagination. Just because there’s so many backpackers and campers, doesn’t mean that everyone wants to make do. No management. It’s as if the place is run by the French. No one gives a dam.
only get two runs a day in.
ave it we’re dished out some long trousers to go with our uniform. Most welcome a day in shorts would have been freezing.
with his first hammer. In Wendy’s case she had to do her finger prints again. But it was quicker.
“You’ve got the wrong car”. “No I haven’t it was in my slot with my name lit up alongside it”.
get a free season pass which cover summer and winter – hooray. Also get to go on all the rides for free and discounts in all the PCMR shops and restaurants.
to go taunt the French over Agincourt. Who knows I may even help their precious, overrated, subsidy sapping wine industry out by helping drain their wine lake and bring a small wine pond home. Actually considering my taxes have helped subsidise this wine lake you’d think as an EU citizen, even if a somewhat reluctant one, I’d get a discount.
alley for the next two weeks. Hopefully the country may open sometime during our stay. Wendy’s dying to get to E Leclerc and Lidl. Looks like it’s fish and chip for tea then as the campsite Bistro is the only sign of sentient life for hundreds of miles around. Trust a Scotsmen to exploit an opportunity, while the French are all sat on their butts watching the economy go down the pan. Thank the FSM for good old GB enterprise – Hollande take note. 
USA planning going well. Narrowed down to 6 locations. Some amazing places on offer to us.
iking rape and pillage. Good clean French family entertainment. A great day out with some spectacular shows and entertainment. 
as beginning to wonder whether I was still in France. Hotel is modern, clean, immaculate with real funky rooms. Such a change from staying at boring chain hotels. Well equipped with quality fittings. Great attention to detail and everything you could want. Good nights sleep. Breakfast was awesome. Delicious homemade cake on the menu and Brioche. Will definitely stay there again and recommend to anyone.
arina. Coffee at the marina in a lovely civilised setting. What a really pleasant end to the holiday.
or next year. Angela gives the property manager a thorough and hilarious interrogation – 5 years old going on 40. It’s near Prospector Square and although very handy for the bus it just didn’t feel like home. We pass on it. Can you believe the property manager who was showing us round told Wendy B2 when it was B5, and didn’t even have his mobile with him!
saving because people who reported eating the most were more likely to be healthier in other ways. They warned that changing NHS guidance risked disheartening people struggling to eat five a day, as well as giving the impression that scientists do not know what they are talking about. 
ho arrives in paradise to find they’ve run out of virgins. But hopefully I will get to be SAD (Ski Another Day) next year. Maybe I can get treatment for OSD (Obsessive Skiing Disorder) on the NHS. Free trips to Chill Factor to help with the withdrawal symptoms would help.
Tweenies.
runs. A couple more runs and I chicken out and call it a day. Silver Queen, normally a double blue, has the distinction of being a 40 degree gradient ice rink – what joy. Need to stop halfway down to sharpen my edges.
n it!” She logs them for me. It appears that I’m a green card in the UK but Gold in the US. Something about needing a US address. Despite the fact that my app is in $. So much for being a Worldwide Company. She says “yes it’s confusing isn’t it”. It seems to me you need to have an advance degree in stupidity to comprehend it all. Ask her if Starbucks values and goals are “We have always believed Starbucks can – and should — have a positive impact on the communities we serve. One person, one cup and one neighborhood at a time.”, perhaps they could start paying some tax in the UK. It’s lost on her.
called a National Insurance number
o be careful not to tread on bare feet. Skiers breathe an orgasmic sigh of relief as they escape the implements from the Spanish Inquisition. It’s like the aftermath of a medieval torture chamber. 
erforming a song on the radio. Doolittle was asked to re-word her love song Walking On Water for an appearance on the Radio 2 breakfast show, hosted by Chris Evans, because she refers to Jesus walking on water, according to the Mail on Sunday.
W
shamed to admit, in pleasant society, that I was a systems designer / programmer.
onservatism does nothing to protect women and girls from the sexual depredations of men. Women and girls are commonly victimized and those that speak out are likely to be blamed themselves, regardless of age differences.
something that islam respects, this could become the norm in the UK (or whats left of it) within the next 25 years, if we don’t stop the spread of this pernicious, so called religion. I really don’t want my Grandkids having to grow up wearing a Burka or a beard. I used to work with so called “moderate muslims”, they were lovely moral people in every respect. But it’s no use relying upon these so called “moderate muslims”, they are cowed by the extremists and would fear the bearded ones in the mosque and being accused of apostasy.
days. Back is coming loose, strap has come off and interior’s starting to decay.
ole Sport blockbuster sale. Yes, I actually joined a queue for 20 minutes to buy me new Technica ski boots. $700 boots for $350, that’s 50% off. Well worth the trouble. Takes me 10 minutes to buy the boots I tried on the other day. Organised. That’s how to do it.
An early morning, 06:00, just wouldn’t be the same without the Tweenies. I can feel my brain turning to jelly by 08:00. Then of course there’s Thomas The Tank, so much more intellectual.
discussion and role play
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION – Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
drop to pieces. Nothing’s built to last these days. It’s either a new pair or some araldite.
reminder, or the 11 digit reference number from your Registration Certificate (also known as the Logbook) and your vehicle registration mark (number plate)?
terrorism laws after appearing to promote al-Qaeda-linked groups on a busy London high street while demanding the creation of an Islamic state.
