Tony & Wendy's Travel Blog

 

 

Yet another day volunteering on the mountain for me. Wendy’s still not so good so she’s relaxing at home. Not quite as hot today and I’m on with the easy crew. No hassle. No timetabled move arounds. Everyone just works together and moves around, takes breaks when they need to and it all just works. Definitely the best crew to work with.

In the evening Lynda comes round for dinner and we have a pleasant evening, good company and good food. In typical American fashion Lynda brings a desert – lime pie, delicious. It seems to be the American norm that you always take a desert, or starter, or something for the meal. We’re starting to get the hang of it.

 

 
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Never thought I’d say it but the cool, clouds and even the rain are such a welcome change after weeks of sun and heat.

Try a new ride today. Down to Round Vally and then follow the motorway / auto-route / inter-state down to Kimbal Junction. Stop for a nerdy browse in Best Buy followed by a leisurely Starbucks. Finally manage to identify that beautiful but elusive bird – see last weeks blog. It’s not a new species after al but a Black Headed Grosbeak. Then it’s the long uphill haul back to the Racquet club.

Wendy’s still not right and the UTI seems to be back so it’s a walk round to the sawbones.

The interesting, and what would appear common sense approach, to American doctors surgeries is that a nurse alway, ALWAYS, takes you temperature, blood pressure, weight and height. The vital signs. Seems to make sense to me. What do they take in the UK? A receptionist, who usually seems to think she has the wisdom of 6 years at med school despite not even a GCSE to her name, takes your name if you’re lucky and usually wants to know what the problem is in such a way that everyone in the waiting room can hear – best answer seems to be a few coughs and splutters followed by “A highly contagious form of the the Ebola virus.” That sure helps get you to the front of the queue as everyone flees for the exit.

 

Putting that lunacy aside I have to say the sawbones talked a lot of common sense. Gave her some antibiotics that should do the trick. It turns out the antibiotics our UK Quack had given her contained Septrin. So what you may say. Well, Wendy’s allergic to Septrin. It’s in her notes if anyone troubled to look. She’s had nearly a week of feeling crook due to our quack’s ineptitude.

Anyway back to the common sense sawbones gems of pithy country style wisdom:

1 Don’t take Cranberry tablets they’ve scientifically proven that only Cranberry Juice is effective for reducing UTI. Make sure it’s natural cranberry juice and not some cocktail of whatever slush was cheap when they bottled it.

2 Don’t bother taking pro-biotic tablets. There’s no scientific evidence that they help with IBS. They’re probably made in some filthy cowshed in China, where a guy with a pair of tweezers pops some gunge and probably some sawdust into a capsule. If you read the packets it right, well not about the guy, lunge and sawdust, but they’ve never been FDA tested. Instead try some natural yoghurt.

Listening to him reminded us both of our old family doctor, Dr Masters, she used to talk such natural common sense.

Now he also predicted that he was pretty certain this antibiotic was mild with no side effects and Wendy should be feeling 90% better within 24 hours. We’ll see!

 

 

For the first time since we’ve been here we can’t see the mountains for clouds. What a pleasant change it makes. Looks like we might get a relaxing day in. Who knows may even get to read a book. I’m still on the same book I had when we got her 8 weeks ago. Just don’t get the time somehow.

Great start to the day with fluffy buttermilk pancakes, maple syrup or blueberry sauce and fresh mixed berries. Another great American junk food. Puts hairs on your chest and cholesterol in your blood.

Well Wendy’s starting her glass of Cranberry Juice a day regime. It’s more sour than “Toxic Waste” – another American candy (sweets) delicacy. Probably needs a 2lb bag of sugar in it to make it drinkable. Goodbye UTI; hello obesity and tooth decay. Perhaps she could mix it with a yoghurt.

What is it with American salt? It’s just so much more salty, potent and virulent. A bigger bang for your bucks. Even I have to take care I don’t put too much on.

It’s our first day, in all day, hunkered down – dare I say a pleasant change. Sat like a couple of kids in a caravan at Skeggy / Blackpool watching the rain come persist it down. And of course like everything American it is so much bigger and wetter. If you’re out in it I’m sure you’d drown.

 

The obsession and lunacy continues. I can’t see common sense ever creeping in, sadly it’s so ingrained in their culture and psyche.

Laughable. Unbelievable. Here’s why I’ll not be going to Turkey:

 

 

Well we’re both supposed to be on duty on the mountain for 3 hours. Get there and rains stopped play so we’re sent home. Whopee!

Call at he bank for some money. American banks are just like UK banks. One employee serving, three stood around doing nothing and customers queuing up.

Then it’s Fresh market for some “incremental shopping”. Oh blessed are the poor with their shopping bags full waiting in the rain for the bus home – how un-American can you get.

It’s another day hunkered down. Today it’s just that very wet drizzle.

Chance to read a book at last and update the blog. Hopefully I might get the book I started at the beginning of June finished and my American History book.

Got quite a few books lined up, including the bible, having read the koran I thought it only fair and balanced to read the other best seller. Also got a Life of Mo to read; another American history book; along with two Pat Condell irreverent rant books; a Jeremy Clarkson rant; a Bill Maher irreverent rant; two physics books; a nerdy book on PHP and Javascript, looking forward to that one; a HTML5 and CSS3 book, nerdy again; along with Gigabytes of novels. Thank Chione for the Kindle. Yes, I know there’s something about a real book but at £50 per extra suitcase, per flight, the Kindle and iBooks save a fortune. That lot should keep me busy for the next year. Really must find more time to read.

Started doing the blog in raw HTML on WordPress. All the so called WYSIWYG blog editors I’ve used are more flaky than a pack of Jus-Rol puff pastry. Gives you so much more control, none of the problems and not really that much more difficult. Plus a real plus is that you can easily add captions to your photos.

For now that’s enough poking fun at Islam, they provide a rich source of fundamentalist lunatics, and we all know they need to get a sense of humour. I do my bit to improve their sense of humour with some desensitising therapy. Probably already have a few fatwas against me, so let’s turn to another organisation that will probably put a contract out on me. Yes, it’s the turn of the NRA and the gun lobby:

One Million Moms is a christian morality campaign. The group writes in a ‘call to action’:

Yet again the blasphemy card is played. For a change it’s the Christian religion. Do they really believe that a supreme being, or a son of a supreme being, needs defending against such things. Simple, if you don’t like it don’t watch it, and if enough people ignore it they’ll take it off the air. But I owe 1MM a debt of thanks for making me aware of what may be an entertaining programme – apparently first screens on 7th August.

Who knows perhaps we may even get a Mo version.

 

 

A lazy day to recover from the frenetic week we’ve had living the dream. Have a bike ride into town to pick up some bread from the supermarket and that’s about the highlight of the day. Manage to shelter from the short burst of torrential rain. It seems that the weathermen over here are as bad as in the UK. Can’t even predict 15 minutes in advance.

We are not alone. It looks like we’re not the only country to treat their coffin dodgers like vermin or a bunch of inconvenient, incontinent droolers who need to be maltreated and shut up in a 6′ by 3′ hell hole to speed up the arrival of the grim reaper to save them from a living hell.

 

 

Up and out for a stroll around to Hertz to pick up a car. Yes, we’re playing at being American this week, driving a gas guzzler, in the vain hope that the NRA will call off the hit man from last weeks 2nd Amendment rant!

09:00 and the sun is out; there’s a lovely breeze; people are biking, walking, running, smiling and saying hello; even the steam roller driver has a smile and a greeting; there’s the start of a rounders (baseball) game; a marching band is practising in the car park; the American flag is proudly flying and no one is kicking off about it. Chione is up there in FSM heaven making snow ready for winter. All is well with the World.

 

Pick Carol and Angela up and we’re off down to “This Is The Place” park. Allegedly it’s the place where in 1847 the Mormons arrived after there long trek and escape from persecution in the East – not from muslims I might add. This geezer with a beard, Brigham Young, well I assume he had a beard they always seem to, stuck his stick / staff / rod in the ground and said “This is the place”. The rest is just history, they settled, it became known as Salt Lake city and a state called Utah.

Their religion may be a tad weird, aren’t they all, but they certainly landed on their feet. Now we have Park City, a proper little Sodom and Gommorah in the midst of a religious enclave.

Anyway back to “This Is The Place” it’s a theme village based around the Mormons in the 1850’s. Characters in costume; old buildings; chance to re-

enact life back then, including washing and ironing; school house and lesson; craft shops; rope makers; carpenters; blacksmiths; train rides; pony rides; and of course the obligatory merchandising opportunity in a gift shop. Although to be fair, unlike Disney, you can exit the place without passing through, but you do have to buy tickets there. On the plus side once inside the park it’s all free. On the downside you can’t get a coffee or anything else not approved by the Book of Mormon or the angel Macaroni.

Interesting how yet another religion is obsessed with head covering for women, in bonnets in this case, and separation of boys from girls in school.

A good day out. Angela get’s appointed Sheriff and is on the trail of the baddies at every opportunity.

On the way home stop off for afternoon tea and coffee – no Mormon stricture here – in a pleasant canyon restaurant.

Monday evening a Beethoven festival in city park – free. Deli string quartet playing. I go for a real cultural overdose while Wendy enjoys herself at the supermarket. Someone has to absorb all this free culture, even if I am a luddite.

A pleasant end to another lovely day.

 

 

Up and out to drive over Guardsmen Pass. Never get a chance in winter as it’s always closed, so quite looking forward to it.

Stop off and go for a walk up to Jupiter Peak. Probably the only time we’ll get up here as it’s serious expert terrain. All double black diamonds.

Just to look down them from the top can stain underwear. How anyone can ski these amazes me. It’s only a short walk, about 3 miles, but takes nearly 2 hours as we’re scrambling up and down loose scree. I’d rather go uphill on that stuff anytime, downhill is an absolute nightmare, makes you feel like a doddering 90 year old. Definitely a two walking pole hike.

Then drive over the pass and down into Big Cottonwood Canyon to have a look at Brighton and Solitude in summer. Well Solitude is aptly named in winter, but in summer it’s worse than a Christian monastery before the ISIS arrive.

Call in the Outlets centre to try and get some hi-tech boxer shorts. No chance they’re obsessed with tight, figure hugging, ball crushing, posing pouches. What ever happened to loose fitting boxer shorts that can let your dangly bits get some fresh air.

What is it with the Japanese visitors. If they’re not wandering around with surgical masks on, they’re in long coats when it’s 95F in the shade. Bizarre.

 

 

 

Pick Angela up and take her with us on a trip aboard the Heber Valley railway down to Provo.

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Now we know why it’s called the Heber Creeper. It goes slower than an arthritic snail. But it’s a change.

Wendy’s sick, literally, by the time we get to the park at Provo. It seems the antibiotics she’s taking have this bloody awful side affect. Sad really because the main reason for going on the train was because she enjoys train rides.

In the evening I drive up to Deer Valley to catch the free concert. One of the advantages of having a car. Great butties to eat at the concert, but alas no wine. One of the disadvantages of having a car. Wendy has a rest after her exertions shouting for Huey and Ruth.

 

 
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Despite still being a tad off colour Wendy goes to the hospital to do her Florence stint.

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I certainly think I need to stop doing the “mad dogs and Englishmen” act by going for mountain bike rides in the midday sun. The heat just drains you.

Wot no concerts tonight! Unbelievable, so it’s a night in with Dexter and that excellent bottle of Merlot. Only down side is that wine makes me nod off through Dexter. Now on season 7, only 1 season left.

This is a speech that allegedly Vladimir Putin made to the Duma:

Sadly it’s a hoax. He never said such things. But, isn’t it about time that our Prime Minister was saying these things. Just look at the evil perpetrated by ISIS in the name of this pernicious, so called religion. Look at their treatment of Christians and other religious minorities, not forgetting atheists and followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Wake up and smell the coffee before it’s too late and is happening here – well Blackburn.

This is what it takes to cancel a Comcast service. Something we have to do in the next few days.

 

 

We’re both due on volunteer duty as mountain hosts, but Wendy’s still too ill to go so she stays at home and rests.

It’s another hot gruelling day. Don’t know what it is today but no one seems to be listening today. Everything has to be repeated several times and then they still do the wrong thing. Perhaps it’s the heat distorting the sound waves or the sweat dripping into their ears. The great American public at large.

Day goes pretty quickly and it’s not too busy, despite yesterday being pioneer day.

In the evening it’s the Electric Light Orchestra concert over at Deer Valley but Wendy’s still off colour (what weird expression that is) so we give it a miss.

Is this just not clear evidence of why anyone should not be allowed to drive around with a black bin liner on their head with a small slit in.

How can you be expected to see in such a garb. Just tunnel vision to match their attitude to tolerance and integration. Perhaps this is why the Saudis ban women from driving after all.

Ban it. You know it makes sense.

Back to American boxer shorts. I finally decided to truly “gird my loins”, American fashion with some hi-tech, wicking, sports, boxer shorts. I feel like Rudolf Nureyev in blue spandex – actually there is spandex in them. If this is what your average young American stud is wearing, then no wonder so many are in therapy.

Boxers are supposed to be loose fitting, not like compression wear to stop me getting a DVT in me bits. Must have been designed by a women, no escape for or place to drain the snake, probably spoil the lines, nothing worse than seeing a “boxer line” under my fashion shorts. Perhaps the wicking’s meant to wick away urine, so no need for an escape hatch for the one eyed bed python – I don’t think I’ll be trying that theory.

Thank the FSM that I’m not in Blackburn. I imagine it must be impossible to sleep with the caterwauling, cacophony, screaming and wailing coming from the minarets around the town as the so called “moderate Muslims” protest at these atrocities done in the name of their so called religion.

Wake up, have a swig of your favourite tipple before it’s too late and we’re all dhimmis, with our women gliding around like orgasm free, zombie daleks, in black bin liners with no peripheral vision and half there genitals missing, and the men licking the floor 5 times a day, wearing lice infested beards, at least those who haven’t been crucified.

 

 

Yet another gruelling hot day on the mountain volunteering. Wendy’s still feeling crook so she stays at home. In the afternoon she goes to see the local sawbones as it’s getting worse. It seems the antibiotics may well have cured the original UTI but the side effects are worse.

Interesting that the modern thinking seems to be to have shorter course of antibiotics. 3 days rather than 7. Cut them short before side affects kick in. Even argue that going the whole 7 days increases resistance. A complete turnaround to what we’ve always been told.

I can’t believe how important sunglasses are up here. 6,500 feet up, clear mountain air, the sun is so bright. But that’s totally eclipsed by the brightness of American teeth and the American smile. What is it with this obsession with dulux brilliant white teeth emitting 8,000 lumens of radiant energy and searing the eyeballs of anyone without sunglasses on. To top it all they seem to have their lips surgically held back to ensure the maximum exposure of teeth, even when not smiling. It’s almost like some right of passage like genital mutilation in the muslim world.

Then you get the youngsters, complete with braces, on their teeth that is, to achieve this perfection. In preparation for this dental perfection it seems that instead of braces being discrete, lets make them bright and colourful. Lets start dazzling people at an early age.

Of course us Brits are considered to have manky teeth, a by product of antediluvian dental industry and our just deserts for tolerating such a communist plot as our National Health Service.

Wow. Just seen 3 golfers walking. Have I been teleported to a different country. How un-American. Good job Mcarthy’s no longer around.

More lunacy from the crackpots in the EU:

Sunday – hot and sunny.

Lazy morning. Bike ride up to the Silly Market. Well for some of us it was a bike ride, others stopped and rested after 10 minutes. Coffee at the Bridge Cafe.

Carol, Hal and of course Angela came round for dinner. Out on the deck I might add.

Hostess / Meeters and Greeters – for some reason nearly all restaurants / cafes / diners have these hostess / meeter greeters, from here on in they will be called wasters (1)

You arrive. The place is virtually empty and over in the far corner, chatting to her mates about last nights sexual exploits, is the waster. Finally, when a long queue has developed, she saunters over at the speed of an arthritic snail and asks the two of you for “how many”.

If the place is 90% empty she summons a navigator (2), whose sole responsibility seems to be

getting you to your table without getting lost or the need for a GPS system. If the place is over 10% full then tough luck, she puts your name on a waiting list, tells you it’ll be about 30 minutes before a table is ready and she’ll call you or gives you a vibrator – not the sort you’re thinking of. Just a power trip. They tell you it’s so that you’re not kept waiting for a waiter to attend. That’s why, after you’ve sat down, it takes 20 minutes for the waiter – who’s an advance degree in eye contact avoidance – to notice you or even the white table cloth you’ve been waving above your head for the past 10 minutes.

 

The Navigator finally takes you over to the table and tells you the name of the waitress she was chatting to – who will of course be with you shortly. The navigator’s not allowed, intellectually capable or trained to give you a menu, take your drinks order or even pour out water.

The job creation scheme and Ford breakdown of tasks doesn’t stop there. It’s only just begun. You sit down and the water boy (3) comes around and poors you a glass of water. Can he bring you a menu or take a drinks order? Heaven forbid way beyond his pay / intellect grade.

Finally just as you’re ready to up stakes in disgust the waiter (4) deigns to grace you with her presence. Tells you her name and goes away to get menus. By now you’re as thirsty and dry as a dead dingo’s donger. But, no she’ll have to come back for your drinks order, keep it simple. Don’t

confuse her. Don’t upset the order of things.

Waiter finally comes back and takes your drinks order. Drinks takes so long you’re sure she’s pressing the grapes herself. Now she’s ready to take your order, whether you’re ready or not. Woe betide you if you’re not ready, that incurs a 20 minute wait penalty.

Eventually you get fed. At which point you notice you’re the only people in the restaurant with the physical dexterity to use both a knife and fork simultaneously.

 

Waitress usually pops around when you’re on your last mouthful to see if everything is ok, at which point she starts to be nice to you in anticipation of the tip she’s expecting.

When you’ve finished and put your knife and fork together the manager / quality control guy (5) turns up. You can tell he’s a manager as he struts around complete with Brookes Brothers shirt, button down collar and tie, along with a name badge. “How’s the meal?”. When you tell him that you feel the chef either works for the local crematorium in his spare time; may be an eskimo used to freezing his food; or just lacks imagination, this causes him to go into a catatonic state and disappear in a puff of smoke. Confrontation’s way above his pay grade and you’re certainly not meant to raise constructive criticism.

 

Finally the waitress has learned to smile, turns up with your bill and engages you in such inane pleasantries you have a dying urge to stick two fingers down the back of your throat and vomit over the tablecloth.

Just as you leave you realise there’s yet another involved. Yes , its the buzz boy (6) who tidies the table and wipes it with a 10 year old rag that just oozes salmonella. Usually the same cloth that he wiped the sweaty seats with.

Finally you get directed over to the cashier (7), the final player, in this pageant.

7 different people to serve you a meal. Heaven alone knows how many there must be in the kitchen. Surely they could manage without the Meeter and greeter, the navigator, the water boy, the buzz boy, the manager and the cashier. If they doubt it then I can take you to a pleasant, busy restaurant in Serfaus, Austria where just one waitress does the lot, with minimum fuss or delays.

 

Then of course there’s “maximize table utilisation” rules this is a real killer. You arrive the place is full of tables ready set for 4 or more. There all empty, but there are just two tables set for two and they are full. Heaven forbid she should waste a table for 4 on us two, no she puts you on a waiting list, about 30 minutes – followed by a few choice words from me and a swift exit.

In case you think I’ve been a tad sexist in the above – as I’m sure you’ll realise not at all like me – I have never encountered a male waster, they’re all female and usually the best piece of eye candy in the place.

 

Best solution is to ignore them and plonk yourselves down at a table of your choosing. That cause real consternation.

Monday – hotter and sunny.

Took Crescent up to the top (free) and then walked Mid Mountain to Spiro and then down Spiro. Lovely walk nearly all downhill. Made it, even with all the rest stops that Wendy wanted. Actually took 2 hours 40 minutes. Pleasant downhill stroll. The thought of a Stiegl lager at the Silver Star cafe kept me motivated, sadly no longer available – standards are slipping.

Pleasant, but very expensive, lunch / coffee lounging in the Silver Star sofas.

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Lazy morning.

Wendy managed to break her filling, probably nattering too much.

Took a bike ride down to Kimble junction.

Well that was painless…..visit to the Dentist here in Park City. What an experience just turn up no appointment necessary ….sorted filling done.

In case you think this American job creation scheme is just reserved for restaurants and Henry Fords car plants. Think again. Wendy’s just been for a filling at the dentist here. This involved

nearly as many in a cast of a B grade blue movie. 1 Receptionist to greet us. 2 Man with clip board to get our details and of course a signature on an all American liability waiver. 3 Nurse / technician type guy who checked out tooth and told us the options. 4 An injectioner / number. 5 X Ray girl to take an X ray, immediately available. 6 Dental nurse to usher in the Dentist, no fanfare of trumpets sounded. 7 Then finally the dentist, sorry, “the doctor”. 8 Different receptionist prepared the all important bill, by which time the cost of treatment had fallen from $330 to $125, no complaint from me there. 8 people to do one filling. Tell me that’s no the Ford principle and job creation gone to extremes.

 

European Court of Human Rights rule that Burka ban does not breach human rights. One small step for common sense. At last the European court gets something right. Now all we need is some politicians in the big natter house to grow some gonads and introduce a ban in the UK.

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

Try fitting my emergency bike pump. The plastic, yes bloody plastic, screw shears off in the bike thereby rendering it impossible to fit the pump and refit my water carrier.

Ride down to Walmart, expecting a battle about consequential loss due to their feeble screws. At one stage they’re thinking of giving me a new bike. But no the supervisors hands me over to one

of their sub-contractors – they assemble barbecues and bikes for them – who has all the tools and proceeds to drill out the plastic and rethread the hole. A bit of a botch but all fixed and working. Impressed with their customer service and especially the unstinting help from Brendon.

Hard ride back home so at least I get a 12 mile ride in.

After lunch we’re looking after Angela for a few hours so we take her down to the Farmers market. Mind you she’d prefer to play on the iPad. It’s quite a pathetic market and hardly any farm produce apart from a few withered cherries. Angela spends most of her time on the giant slide and eating an Ice Cone – keeps her happy for ages.

Then can you believe it I break one of my teeth. It’s my turn for an appointment with fear. Is this some sort of conspiracy from PC dentists to drum up trade? Is it the altitude exploding my sea level fillings? Yesterday it was Wendy with a broken tooth, today it’s me. I’m expecting a bulk buying discount.

Same walk in service and multitude. Have my usual discussion about no needle. They’re somewhat put out by this and can’t believe it, but proceed without. No pain. Good job, sorted.

Apparently a black bear has been seen wandering around town. Excitement. I never can remember if you’re best playing dead if you see a black bear or is it with a grizzly. One of them eats carrion, the other prefers fresh meat, so get it wrong and playing dead is a sure fired way to end up real dead.

Apparently the fundamentalist extremists from the so called religion of peace are working on new plastic explosives that cannot be detected so more misery is being inflicted at airports. 

Perhaps at last some vestige of common sense may now prevail and the authorities will profile. You know it makes sense. Just ignore the loony Politically correct brigade.

A good start would be a separate queue and search regime for all muslims or just ban them from flying. Perhaps then the so called middle of the road / good Muslims might start helping with the fight against these pernicious fanatics. Another alternative might be muslim only flights. A tad difficult to implement but we could also allow all the do gooder, loony PC crackpots on with them.

Thursday – hot, sun and cloud.

I’m on duty as a mountain host for the day. Expect it to be busy but turns out pretty slack. Wendy’s up at the hospital doing her Florence Nightingale

stint.

Finally finish Dexter Season 4 – wow didn’t see that coming. Series gets better.

Just watched an awesome programme on the discovery of a particle travelling faster than speed of light. Defies all the theories of physics for the past 100 years. If it’s finally validated, that’ll throw the whole World of Physics into an electron spin. Amazing stuff.

Physics joke:

Barman says sorry we don’t serve neutrinos.
A neutrino walks into the bar.

Meanwhile a few people have told us the “Book of Mormon” musical is great and could win Oscar awards for “Best Blasphemy Show”. Sadly I do have an aversion to musicals. Will enquire if it’s on in salt lake 😎

 

Actually I’m thinking of writing a musical. Can’t decide on the tittle. Choices so far are “Book of Islam”, “Mo does Christians”, “Peace, tolerance and understanding”, “The Hate Show” or “How I hate people of the book”. There’s more scope in this 7th century barbaric religion for a musical comedy, than there are muslims at a stoning. Perhaps we could get the Monty Python Team to do one last movie such as “Monty Python and Muslim Fairy Tales”. Islam needs desensitising and weaning off this blasphemy culture.

Friday – very hot and sunny.

Great day for the 4th July parade. We always enjoy them and PC has quite a big one, lasts over an hour.

Meet some potential home exchangers (Rick and Linda) up on Main Street for the parade.

They’ve got chairs already set up along with a cooler full of drinks and Mimosas (bucks fizz). Great parade with good company and their friends.

How come Americans are so friendly? Why don’t we have any parades like this? I can’t ever recall seeing parade anywhere near as good as this in the UK. What days do we really celebrate? The Americans just love a good parade, St Patricks day; Independence day; Pioneer day; Labour day; Thanksgiving day etc. Whatever happened to our society? I blame multi-culturism, we’ve lost the ability to be patriotic. Has anyone noticed how few Union Jacks (Union Flags for the purists) you see flying. In fact it’s almost got to the point where if you see a Union Jack or the Cross of St George flying you think they’re National front / right wing fanatics. Sad.

Have a wander down to the park where there’s live music, food and drinks. Everyone, families, having a great time.

Then stroll up to PCMR plaza to see what’s going on at the mountain. Not as busy as anticipated.

I think it’s about time the UK had it’s declaration of independence from the EU. Pity we can’t bring back Adams and Jefferson from 1776 to help us escape this toxic bureaucracy.

Saturday – hot and sunny again.

We’re both on duty at PCMR as Mountain Hosts again. Stapled me smile in place. Tape recorder at the ready with “Hows it going?”, “Have a great day.”, “Do you need any help?”, “My accent! Its all the way from England.” and if things get really desperate “No I don’t know your friend who lives somewhere in England, believe it or not over the years we’ve been at it like rabbits over there and there’s over 50 million of us, not to mention the millions of foreign hangers on and scroungers.”.

It was 85F and that was in the shade. Us poor Hosts are out on the plaza wilting.

Seems like at least one muslim inman has some common sense:

Dr Hargey, from the Muslim Educational Centre of Oxford, said however that the British establishment had been hoodwinked by zealots who claimed that the burka was intrinsic to Islam. He writes: “There is no Koranic mandate for female facial masks; it is not culturally common for Pakistani women to conceal their faces; and no one, including women, has an unqualified right to dress as one pleases in public.”

He condemns the veil as an imported Saudi fad that should be rejected for religious, social, sexist, security and health reasons. “This Saudi-financed campaign is just another salvo in the battle for the hearts and minds of British Muslims. If Britain’s liberal and human rights industry fail to recognise this, we will all live to regret it.”

Yes our loony PC do gooders have been fooled and sold us down the caliphate path of islamic domination yet again.

Wednesday – dry and sunny.

Set off for the long drive to Portsmouth. As usual more road works – well bollards and 40MPH limits, but seeing anyone working was rarer than rocking horse dung. What’s all this “Smart Motorway” work? Is it a way of getting rid of 2 million miles of purple trunking that someone has been conned into buying or is it just more signs on gantries ever 4 feet to tell us that there’s road work or a traffic jam. What the hell are they putting in this lurid coloured trunking. Could it be fibre optic cables; rats; or raw sewage?

Arrive at Portsmouth early so have a mooch around and an overpriced afternoon tea at Gunwarf Quays Marina. Watching the boats go by and some burks, sorry dam predictive text burkas, trying to drink coffee without exposing or scalding themselves. Pity they didn’t have spaghetti Bolognese, now that would have been hilarious. Pots for rags, as they say.

Customs decide to pull us in, want to have a look in my boot. I explain to them they’re wasting their time as it’s the size of a womans handbag, no room for explosives, flares, weapons or evan a pen knife. Yes, that’s right they’re looking for pen knifes. Since when has it been illegal to carry a pen knife. Before you can say “strike terror into the hearts of the unbelievers” they’ll be banning string – can be used as a garrotte – and sixpence – can choke on it. What will innocent and prepared boy scouts do?

Wendy gets her annual cruise after all. An overnight cruise Portsmouth to St Malo. Spare no expense this year. 

Wot no chocolate on the pillow; no cabin steward; no balcony. Oh how I’ve been deceived.

Just had our safety briefing. In the event of a critical situation the captain will give his orders – “Follow me”.

Thursday – grey and rainy.

The countries closed, worst than Wales on a wet Sunday in August. We’re in Airvault in the Loire  alley for the next two weeks. Hopefully the country may open sometime during our stay. Wendy’s dying to get to E Leclerc and Lidl. Looks like it’s fish and chip for tea then as the campsite Bistro is the only sign of sentient life for hundreds of miles around. Trust a Scotsmen to exploit an opportunity, while the French are all sat on their butts watching the economy go down the pan. Thank the FSM for good old GB enterprise – Hollande take note. 

Friday – mixed sun, cloud and rain.

Lazy start then it’s off to Lidl and E Leclerc. Yes the countries managed to rouse itself from slumber and apathy.

Saturday – sun and cloud.

Lazy day. Well actually worked all day on our trip to South East USA for October 2015. Emailed all potential home exchangers in the area. Worst than being at work.

We’re in Little Britain at Airvault until 12th. Looks like the camp border control standards are slipping and going the way of UK Border Controls. Can you believe it there are Frenchies on the site, never mind I’m sure UKIP will sort it.

Sunday – sun and cloud and warm.

Another lazy day processing all the responses from yesterdays mail shot. Inundated with offers. Get some virtual pins on google earth to start to make some semblance of order of it. Need a holiday after all this work. In the meantime Wendy’s got her feet sunburnt.

Monday – sunny and hot 25C.

Morning slaving away on the SE USA emails. Afternoon we break our of our slumber and go for a walk to the local Intermarche – yes France has finally opened.

Tuesday – sunny and warm

Another morning slaving away. Then we drive down to Coulon (green venice) for a pleasant walk and lunch. We pass on a gondola ride as Wendy didn’t bring her water wings.

In the evening a bottle ofSt Emillion seems to get the better of me. Stand no messing as I quaff it all down – no doubt that Hollande geezer will be awarding me the Order of Agricultural Merit or better still the Legion of Honour Medal for services to the French wine industry.

Oh well it looks like Pizza Express is off me list. Another Company helping islam on the way to the
caliphate / world domination. Mind you not going to Pizza Express will be no loss.
Black bin liners and beards for everyone – smell the coffee before it’s too late. Meanwhile I must stop reading that blood boiler Daily Mail. Don’t I just love the PC stupidity that’s rife in the UK. Within 24 hours we have; Halal in some Subways; Halal in all Pizza Express; bacon and ham abandoned in some Subways; Jeremy Clarkson being pilloried for racist remarks. Thank the FSM I’m not there.

It’s goodbye Subway. Looks like their brains have dropped out. I’m not supporting any Company that is helping undermine my society and introduce Sharia by the back door. Halal meat is cruelly slaughtered. Surely it’s not Halal if pre-stunned. Why not go Kosher? Why not ban all meats to not offend veggies? I assume you’ll be putting up large signs in the Halal stores warning customer that they are now entering Halal / Sharia zone. Would my wife be expected to walk 3 feet behind me with a black bin liner on? It’s enough to make anyone join the EDL or BNP.

Then people ask why we spend so much time away. Can you blame us. The further I’m away from the loony, do gooder, liberal, PC numpties that are screwing my country the better. At least at a distance it all does’t seem so bad. I’ve just one target left in life now – 8 months away. 

Wednesday – Mixed sun, cloud and rain. 

Lazy day around the caravan. Rain showers drive Wendy nuts as she tries to dry the washing. SE USA planning going well. Narrowed down to 6 locations. Some amazing places on offer to us.

After all this work organising and planning I’m in desperate need of a holiday or at least some alcohol.

Life can be tough, especially when you screw up. Opened a tasty bottle of St Emilion and then I realised we’re away tomorrow – that’s another story to be revealed. Anyway back to my bottle of St E that I now have to finish off tonight, otherwise it will oxidise, go off and that would be a sin

Following the decision by Subway to stop selling Ham and Bacon to avoid offending muslims. B&Q have decided to stop selling wood and nails to avoid offending Christians.

Thursday – sun and cloud.

An interesting and disturbing day. Visited Oradour Sur Glen. The French martyr village where 640 innocent French men, women and children were machine gunned and burnt to death in a reprisal by the Waffen SS in 1944. The village and ALL it’s inhabitants were annihilated.

A stark reminder of a bad past, and lest we think it was just something unique in the German psyche, don’t kid yourselves it could so easily happen again.

Followed up by a lovely, long and leisurely French lunch with old friends deep in the French countryside. Good to catch up after so many years and put the World to rights in such a short space of time.

Friday – sun and cloud.

Great but exhausting day out at Poy du Fou. Chariot racing, feeding Christians to lions, jousting,  iking rape and pillage. Good clean French family entertainment. A great day out with some spectacular shows and entertainment. 

This picture of the colosseum is just what I’ve been raving on about. We need one in Blackburn. A Colosseum, complete with lions. Just think every Saturday afternoon we could feed some PC loony liberal or common senseless web site designer to the lions. Provide free entertainment, eliminate any future cock ups and stop them polluting the gene pool. 
I’ve already 23 candidates on my list.

Stay over night at an excellent hotel n Les Herbiers – Maison Marie Barrault. The most friendly, helpful owners we’ve ever encountered. I  as beginning to wonder whether I was still in France. Hotel is modern, clean, immaculate with real funky rooms. Such a change from staying at boring chain hotels. Well equipped with quality fittings. Great attention to detail and everything you could want. Good nights sleep. Breakfast was awesome. Delicious homemade cake on the menu and Brioche. Will definitely stay there again and recommend to anyone.

Saturday – rain and clouds.

After an excellent breakfast we decide to have a drive down the coast and visit Ollone-sur-mer. Major screw up. Should really have checked the weather forecast. Certainly a place to visit next time we go to Poy du Fou as the port area looks very pleasant. Pity about the rain. At least I manage to help drain the EU wine lake by 39 bottles. Just about manage to get them into the boot, it’s full of Wendy’s Armagnac. 

Just watched Question Time. When will David Dimbleby get a grip and chair the panel rather than allowing a free for all of he who shouts loudest? Have to say the more I see of that Farage geezer the more I like the cut of his gib compared to the rest of the gutless weasels. Perhaps time for a EU protest vote in favour of UKIP.

Sunday – mixed sort of day. Sun, clouds and warm.

Laze around the caravan.

Monday – sun and clouds but at least it’s warm.

Start packing up ready for departure. Lazy day, at least for me. Wendy’s in her element, if it’s stands still polish or dust it.

Tuesday – warm and sunny.

Leisurely pack up the caravan and get off about 11:00. £.5 hour drive up to St Malo. So much better than having to suffer the 7 hour drive to Calais.

Have a shuffle around St Malo and a coffee. What is it with the younger generation with rings in their nose, looks like snot dribbling down – revolting.

Finally get on board our cruise ship for Wendy’s 2nd cruise of the year. Avoid the self service restaurant, no butties so decide to go for the Buffet Dinner served in the best restaurant on board. For £25 it’s excellent. The starter buffet would have done us, then there’s a main course, followed by a lavish help yourself cheese board and tempting choice of help yourself sweets – calorie fiesta.

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

Land in Portsmouth. First stop MacDonalds for an egg MacMuffin. Proper food.

Are you sure this is England? The suns shining and it’s warm. 

No just had it confirmed. MacDonalds can’t hand me a cup of coffee without the lid on. Health & Safety

Yes, it must be England.

Leisurely drive up the coast to Clive’s home in Eastbourne.

Call in at Chichester. Lovely little market town with lots of individual shops, none of your homogenised shopping here. Although there are some non PC shops – see photo – just love it.

Then call in at Brighton. Stroll around the Lanes. Like a slightly up market Blackpool. Best avoided in future. Finally managed to find our car with just a few minutes to spare before being charge £12 for parking instead of an outrageous £5 for 2 hours.

Get to Clive’s for 16:00. Helen’s cooked some tasty home made scones with strawberry jam and cream. Followed by a lovely dinner in the evening and then we get to watch “The Railway Man”. Stay overnight in their 1920’s mansion, complete with servants quarters and spectacular gardens. Great to see Clive again and meet Helen. Good company, good food and good hospitality.

Thursday – hot and sunny again.

After breakfast Clive takes us for a pleasant drive around Eastbourne, Beachy Head and the  arina. Coffee at the marina in a lovely civilised setting. What a really pleasant end to the holiday.

Then its the 5 hour drive home. Only 4 sets of road works. Oh so boring.

This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk. The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and quite a few glasses of single malt there after.Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he has just been arrested.The Englishman answers With humour: No, but do you know that this is a British car and my wife is the driver… on the other side?