I take a drive down to the Missions. Visit three of them. St Jose is by far the best and most complete. Has a visitors centre, complete with educational video. I wasn’t aware that in the 1600’s Comanches and Apaches were responsible for attacking the small nomadic hunter gatherer tribes that lived in Southern Texas – a forerunner of what the white Europeans were about to do to them 200 years later.
Then had a free, that lovely word again, tour around the Mission St Jose. Docent volunteer was very informative.
An interesting and eye opening afternoon.
Sorry I know it’s Texas and the NRA, plus every gun psycho in Walmart will have a hard on to shoot this Brit espousing anti gun / 2nd / NRA sedition, but I just couldn’t resist including this:
It just wouldn’t be Christmas without an advent calendar.
San Jose Mission church.
When I pack the car prior to leaving San Antonio I’m sweating like a $2 hoar in a church. Can’t figure why until I check the weather forecast – 100% humidity – it’s so humid you could sweat 150 pounds of fat off a 125-pound hog.
What exactly does 100% humidity mean? Well a reading of 100 percent relative humidity means that the air is totally saturated with water vapor and cannot hold any more, creating the possibility of rain. If the air is at 100-percent relative humidity, sweat will not evaporate into the air. As a result, we feel much hotter than the actual temperature when the relative humidity is high.
Leave San Antonio, after a panic trying to find my sunglasses. Hiding on the car seat suitably camouflaged in a black case on a black seat – it’s a dam age thing.
Open plan lounge, dining, kitchen and balcony in our new home for the next two weeks.
Drive back up to Horseshoe Bay, in Texas Hill Country. Our new home for the next two weeks – see pictures.
It’s 42F on arrival. Colder than a pocket full of day old penguin shit. Let’s hope it warms up a bit, the weather that is, and not the penguin shit.
After lunch we do the supermarket thing. I make the big mistake of going with Wendy, alas no Starbucks. After choosing some wine what is there left to do? There we are meandering around, a couple of paltry things, like itinerant beach bums in shorts. Locals all muffled up for winter.
Master bedroom.
Watch Question time. You’d think I’d have more sense. Good to hear that the Cameron geezer’s finally realised that translating into different languages does not encourage immigrants to learn English. One major strike for common sense. Forget that, they now spend the money teaching English to new immigrants.
Will they ever learn? It’s oh so simple. You want to come and live in England, then learning English is your problem at your expense. “No speakee English”, then don’t come. Pots for rags in a country run by senseless politicians whose brains have dropped out and liberal PC stormtroopers.
Tuesday – cool and cloudy.
Another balcony leading off the 2nd bedroom and onto the boat dock. You can never have to many balconies.
Wendy’s still not feeling too good, so she stays in knitting. To be fair it’s a very low cost past time as she knits, unwinds it, and knits again. Saves a fortune on wool. I spend the morning doing the nerdy thing and improving SEO on my web site – exciting stuff.
After lunch I take a stroll around the estate and up to the Marriott hotel which has some awesome Palm Trail Gardens and a gorgeous Japanese garden – all very mature.
2nd bedroom.
Sign on a local restaurant – “Burgers . comfort food . BBQ . beer”. Comfort Food, along with the giant buckets of ice cream in the super markets, and no wonder America has an obesity problem.
Master balcony with all American Barbecue hidden around the corner.
It’s as overcast as Belthorn.
Lazy morning then we have a drive down to Marble Falls and visit Old Town. At least they don’t have the marketing gobbledegook and deceit to call it the historic district. Well that was stimulating. More antique and art shops than ???? How do these places survive? What really amazes me is they’re always over staffed.
Tucker our Home Exchange dog. He’s really smart; opens doors; knocks on doors to come in.
Well we’ve a 380 mile drive down to San Antonio. We start off driving through a dust storm, complete with tumble weed. Any moment now John Wayne will come riding out of the dust. At least it’s Interstate most of the way and a cracking 80 MPH. Even 70 MPH on the side roads but then it is Texas, everything’s bigger. Looked at stopping off somewhere to break the journey up, but there’s nothing but dead cactus, nodding donkeys and road kill between Alpine and San Antonio. Never mind at least we’re heading back to civilisation. A game to keep us both amused is, sixpence to the first one to spot a Starbucks.
Wendy wins the sixpence. And then we know where nearly there. More Starbucks than empty coffee cups littering Blackburn’s “pristine streets”! Call in for a dirty Chai with two extra shots (free). Contributes to making me normal.
Our kitchen.
No doubt Texas has a major problem. It’s just too darn big.
Arrive at lovely hotel. But as we set off to find a sub way we turn left onto the road. Yet again it’s a one way side of a dual carriage way. Yet again completely dark; no indications; not even a sign this time. Fortunately there’s hardly any traffic so we survive. All part of the nightmare of driving at night in a 3rd World country where photons are banned.
Catch up on some TV with awesome 30Mbps wifi.
At last some imagination and smarts applied to the shopping process. Coming soon at Sainsbury, if you can afford to shop there:
At last some smarts applied to shopping.
I see that our politicians are yet again getting to grips with the big important issues of the day:
THE road sign that shows a hunched couple clutching a stick as a warning to drivers to slow down should be banned because it deters employers from giving the over-50s a job, says the government’s tsar for the elderly.
Monday – hot and sunny.
TV Room.
Up for a pathetic breakfast. Being Monday they say they’ve run out of bananas and bacon. Never mind when I come to pay the bill they’ll no doubt understand when I tell them I’ve run out of dollars!
Off down to the Alamo. It’s in the heart of Downtown. Fleeced for parking, but it’s free entry – well done Daughters of the Republic. I think this place must be run by retired TSA staff, they manage to create a queue by trying to sell everyone a photo on entry. Interesting place with a History channel film explaining what it’s all about. Not as impressive as I’d expected, a tad disappointing really. Very busy and they have done a good job of preservation, but I think we’ve been spoilt by all those National Parks. The area around it’s a seedy as Blackpool.
Coffee at Riverside Starbucks and pick up Kurt’s baseball cap from Lids.
Then in the afternoon we drive down to our home exchange for the next 6 days to meet the owners, get acquainted with their dog Tucker and be familiarised with their house.
Burger joint – Red Robin – for tea. Excellent burger. Then try and watch “The Alamo” on Netflix but alas they don’t have it.
Britains cultural problem. More from Pat Condell:
Tuesday – hot and sunny.
Formal dinning room.
Move into our new home exchange for 6 days.
It’s big and very roomy, complete with pool – see pictures.
Get settled in and then off to drop the Hertz mobile off. Wendy follows me, with some serious trepidation on these super highways full of schizophrenic exhaust pipe huggers, who would slaughter their whole family, just to get one car ahead.
Then it’s the weekly shop. Unfortunately we find a Wholefoods.
Main lounge.
We’ve got a VW Passat as part of the exchange. Well next time you see one of them sickening, bragging adverts about German engineering, ponder this. It’s so well engineered you can only see the cruise control – essential in BIG TEXAS – when you’re turning 90 degrees right or left. The rest of the time it’s any bodies guess how to use it, unless of course you lean forward and bend your head in front of the steering wheel – not recommended when surrounded by psychos in metal monsters. Unbelievable and so dangerous.
Why Starbucks can’t spell:
Wednesday – hot and sunny.
Wendy in front of the Alamo.
Drive down to the River Walk. It’s such a pleasant stroll through the Downtown area, with a “few” restaurants. You wouldn’t believe you’re in the heart of a major city. It’s lovely – so reminds me of strolling down a canal path back home, except their’s no rubbish, no shopping trolleys or no road cones in the water. What imaginative use of a natural resource and I’m sure it brings much prosperity to the City.
Have a 5 mile stroll and despite the plethora of restaurants fail to find a Starbucks. Well we do but it’s closed with a scrawled sign on the door “sorry for the inconvenience” – no reason, obviously incompetence.
The Alamo – no John Wayne though.
Peter’s Laws (The Creed of the Sociopathic Obsessive Compulsive)
If anything can go wrong, fix it! (To hell with Murphy!)
When given a choice, take both.
Multiple projects lead to multiple successes.
Start at the top and work your way up.
Do it by the book… but be the author.
When forced to compromise, ask for more.
If you can’t beat them, join them, and then beat them.
If it’s worth doing, it’s got to be done now!
If you can’t win, change the rules.
If you can’t change the rules, then ignore them.
Apology from Pat Condell:
Thursday – hot and sunny.
Wendy models a Davy Crockett hat.
Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.
We drive up to Horseshoe Bay (this is the place we’ll be staying in for our last 2 weeks) for Thanksgiving dinner with Lee and Stuart and some of their friends. Another great American experience and being Texas the Turkeys been pardoned in favour of some hefty steaks – Texas Big – as thick as a Russian female shot-putters thigh. As seems to be mandatory over here, the steaks are cooked on the giant all American Barbecue, outside and of course the domain of the all American male. No 12″ square, one shot, aluminium tray barbecues.
Wendy, well, well, well.
Steaks are followed by the traditional Pumpkin pie and for good measure Apple pie and that cholesterol special, whipped cream. All washed down by various alcoholic beverages.
Have a great afternoon and evening of fun and laughter with new friends.
Stuart with our Texas style Thanksgiving dinner.
More on Peter’s Laws (The Creed of the Sociopathic Obsessive Compulsive)
Perfection is not optional.
When faced without a challenge, make one.
“No” simply means begin again at one level higher.
Don’t walk when you can run.
Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary.
When in doubt, THINK!
Patience is a virtue, but persistence to the point of success is a blessing.
The squeaky wheel gets replaced.
The faster you move, the slower time passes, the longer you live!
Bill Maher on climate Change deniers:
Friday – hot and sunny.
Stuart barbecuing big steaks.
Drive back down to San Antonio. Dropping Stuart off at the Greyhound bus station in Downtown. How brave is that, riding a Greyhound bus. If you’ve ever popped you nose around into the urine stench of a Greyhound bus station you’ll understand the bravery involved. Good luck Stuart on you 6 week trip to Israel.
Japanese garden. A better way to spend Black Friday.
Well it’s Black Friday, but we do the sensible thing and go for a walk around the botanical and Japanese gardens. Yes, there’s a small queue to get in, but no one’s being dragged screaming across a Tesco floor clinging onto a 60″ colour TV shouting “it’s mine it’s mine”.
What has got into the World. It now seems the Black Friday lunacy from the US has infected the UK, like a dose of rampant Ebola. First they gave us Valentines day excess, then the terror of Halloween, complete with marauding bands of vicious Trick or Treaters teenagers and now Black Friday. No doubt about it, Marketing is responsible for nearly as much evil in the World as religion.
Oh how I wish I’d been there. “Fight, fight” goes up the cry in Victoria Secrets playground. Girls fight over thongs and bra’s in Victorias Secrets. I wouldn’t mind a thong on that women is a terrifying thought, it would disappear into the giant crevices of adipose tissue never to be seen again until they turned septic. All it needed was a bit of mud chucked in and Victorias Secrets would have a winning recipe to draw even more punters in.
Loved ABQ but thank Chione I won’t have to try and spell it again.
The essence of Albuquerque, the iconic Balloon Fiesta. Sadly we missed it by a week.
Up and away by 08:50. That’s a record. Can you believe it’s snowing in ABQ as we say goodbye.
Sledging in White Sands National Monument.
Drive down I25 and then over a mountain range, to view 144,000 acres of CaSO4•2H2O, or as Walter White would say hydrous calcium sulphate, or Gypsum as normal folk would say, that is White Sands National Monument. Crossing a mountain range and the roads are just sheet ice from the snow. It’s 20F. Not a smart move should have probably stuck with the Interstate I25 route. White Sands could be a bit of a let down if it’s covered in snow. A miserable grey cold trip but just as we arrive at White Sands the suns out and the sky clears to bright blue, not a cloud to be seen – how neat is that.
A unique place, the largest gypsum dune field in the world is located at White Sands National Monument in south-central New Mexico. This region of glistening white dunes is in the northern end of the Chihuahuan Desert within an “internally drained valley” called the Tularosa Basin. This dune field is very dynamic, with the most active dunes moving to the northeast at a rate of up to 30 feet per year, while the more stable areas of sand move very little. Many species of plants and animals have developed very specialized means of surviving in this area of cold winters, hot summers, with very little surface water and highly mineralized ground water. With white lizards it shows how evolution can speed up.
It’s my turn now. But it’s my sledge.
Can’t resist hiring a sledge to go sledging down the white sand dunes. Not exactly a bucket list item but certainly something you should try. Wendy’s not having any of it. Thinks I’m crazy, but then when she sees what a cracking job I make of it she can’t resist – see photos.
Finally arrive at El Paso and off out to the Olive Garden for tea. Chicken parmigiana, I’ve always wanted to try it. Sadly best described as chicken mac nuggets with a tin of tomatoes sloped over it and some spaghetti, then sprinkled with cheese. A kiddies meal. Certainly not a patch on their Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo.
We’re lucky to get to the Olive Garden in one piece, when some idiot turns left onto a one way road. Don’t blame me it was pitch black, not a lumen of street lighting in this 3rd World country; a dual carriage way; no “One Way” sign straight ahead of you; oh yes there’s one just over the dark Stop sign. Well those are my excuses. Anyway we survived. No thanks to the aggressive drivers coming at me.
Driving around here at night is terrifying. No street lights; aggressive drivers; fast and not prepared to give way. What is it with this American Jekyl and Hyde personality behind the wheel. If a pedestrian’s around they’re like meek and mild puppies scared of their own exhaust fumes. Then on a motorway they’re like some freaking steroid intoxicated maniac, out to annihilate everything that’s breathing.
El Capitain in Guadalupe National Park.
Why I Like Retirement:
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
2,738 road accidents in Texas last year. No wonder. Gordon Bennett, they have detailed instructions on when you can overtake or not, don’t just rely on solid yellow lines, oh no spell it out and yet they hide one way signs and don’t bother with street or sign lighting.
Then there’s the classic road sign, “obey all signs, it’s the law”.
Monday – cool and sunny.
Javelina and no it’s not a pig or wild boar. They get terribly offended if you call them that.
After a good nights sleep and a free breakfast at the hotel we nip down to Guadalupe National Park, it’s only 110 miles down the road, and back, no more than a trip to the local supermarket. Still a tad cold.
On the way we’re pulled in by border patrol. Perhaps it’s something to do with the giant “Kiss Me Quick” Sombrero I’m wearing. Can I see your passports – that’s a first in 20 years. My driving license with loose picture doesn’t cut it, these guys obviously have some brain cells. Don’t have passports with us, but thankfully he accepts an iPhone photo.
Guadeloupe is dominated by El Capitain, not the one from Yosemite, but oh so similar. Do a couple of the shorter strolls, nature trail down to Butterfield stage and then the Frijole Ranch walk. Certainly one of the more obscure and less popular NP’s. Don’t even have a NP hat. Alas no sign of a Roadrunner or even the Horny Texas Toad – an awesome looking creature.
Texas Roadhouse for me tea. Saves risking live and limb driving around El Paso in the dark, we can walk to it. I suppose being in Texas I must have a T-Bone, better at night than one for breakfast. 23 Oz monster. It’s just one of those things you have to do. Won’t need to eat for another 7 days now.
I know we’re a tad obsessed with this awesome bird but in view of two road dash sittings, which we’re that quick we couldn’t catch on camera, I just couldn’t resist including this 3rd party footage:
Welcome to Carlsbad Caverns.
Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Ans wer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal ..
Ricky Gervais on atheism:
Tuesday – hot and sunny.
Carlsbad Caverns – awesome.
Drove from El Paso, yet again, to Carlsbad.
Call in at McKittrick Canyon for the walk. Reckoned to be a birders paradise. A pleasant walk but a distinct lack of birds. Certainly no Roadrunner.
Then it’s off to the vast underground Carlsberg, sorry Carlsbad, Caverns National Park. Words like awesome, stupendous, rad, narly and mind shattering don’t do it justice. Nor do my photos, mind you it is a tad dark down there and only lit with subdued lighting to maintain the ambience of a cave. It takes an hour to complete the walk and that includes cheating by using the 750 foot lift. If you walk down and back it’s 3 hours. Just lost for words. Sadly Wendy missed it all, although she did see the video but you really do have to see it to believe.
Then it’s off to our hotel in Carlsbad. A typical $90 a night hotel here costs $370. There’s a major oil boom in the area. More big trucks, big burly workers with giant footwear and plates of food piled high. I watch as one cuts up his pancakes into little squares, just like his mommy used to, then uses only his fork.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
And, my very favorite….
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING…. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
Wednesday – hot and sunny.
Carlsbad Caverns – awesome.
Drive back down to Rattle Snake Springs. A highly recommended birding sight. Wrong time of year, hardly any birds and sadly no Rattle Snakes.
Call back in at Carlsbad Caverns to visit the exhibit and catch the video that we missed yesterday. No doubt about it, but this place is worthy of at least a full day.
Tempted to do a ranger tour of the Kings Chamber but it means we’ll be driving down to Alpine in the dark. Not advisable on these roads.
Wendy tries a spot of caving!
Drive down from Carlsbad to Alpine. Really get to see the extent of the oil boom around here. More Nodding Donkeys and drilling rigs than Arabs at an OPEC conference. Also a fair bit of cotton and cattle. Rewarded with sighting of yet another Roadrunner, doing what Roadrunners do best – dashing across the road. Oil tankers buzzing up and down the road like flies around a rotting turd. Never realised it before but these tankers must constantly go and transport away the oil pumped up and deliver it to a refinery. Obvious when you think about it.
Nodding Donkeys everywhere a sure clue to where we are. Along with drilling rigs, cotton and cattle.
Three hours later (yes Texas is a big State) we finally arrive at the one horse town of Alpine. Our Best Western hotel’s very comfortable. But what to eat? Not a fantastic choice. There’s a mediocre menu’d diner and a Pizza Hut. Settle for a Pizza, despite my reservations. Rip off misleading pricing and disappointing Pizza. Confirms my view that you should never bother with Pizza in America, they’re always crap, Chicago excepted.
A hawk but we’re still arguing about which one it is.
More on us geriatrics:
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
‘How old was your husband?’ ’98,’ she replied….
‘Two years older than me’
‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented..
She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?’ the reporter asked…
She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.
I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.
Thursday – hot and sunny.
Welcome to Big Bend – at last.
Drive down from Alpine to Big Bend. 3 days in the wilderness. Well by my definition it’s wilderness, no Starbucks, no Taco Bell and worst of all no Internet. Gordon Bennet, how will I survive.
See plenty of Roadrunners on the way down, but all camera shy.
As we’re staying at the Chisos Mountain Lodge – only hotel in the park – we explore that area in the afternoon. Do the short Window Trail and then the basin loop trail. Awesome scenery but not many birds.
At sunset we go out to try and get a sunset shot through the window, but no red sky shot, although some of the mountain shots in the soft light are great.
Chios mountains at sunset.
Dinner in the only restaurant. Everything served on paper plates as there’s a severe water shortage. Share a table with Lee and Lisa from San Diego. He’s a dermatologist who does a lot of lecture tours and now retired. Very entertaining evening and good company.
Apparently his wife has the claim to fame of having been taken short in Danali National Park, Alaska. Did what women do best in the bush when caught short, and ended up with 35 Mosquito bites on here backside. To add insult to injury Lee used a photo of the offending 35 bites to illustrate, in his lecture, how many Mosquito bites you can get on one backside.
No TV. Catch up on a boring documentary and early to bed.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Cheeky Roadrunner waiting on our car for us – bonnet runner.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, ‘For fast relief.’
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Friday – hot and sunny.
At last the Roadrunner photo. Now we have 80+ to sort.
Up early for breakfast. A tad disappointing, but then we’re off out to explore the Rio Grande village area and hopefully capture some shots of a Roadrunner. We’ve been told this is the place. Sure enough we’re rewarded and 80 photo’s later we’re RR’d out. One cheeky devil is even stood on our car bonnet waiting for us to come back off a walk.
As I’m walking down to the Rio Grande I see what I think is a Mountain Lion and get some great shots of her and her cub. Turns out to “only” be a Bob Cat. But what a treat.
Do the nature trail walk and not a bird in sight.
Coffee and wifi at the village store – wow wifi.
Then do the Boquillas Canyon walk. By now it’s 75F, the suns beating down on us in the desert and Wendy’s squawking like a banshee, “It’s too hot, you know I can’t cope with this heat”. Great views down the Rio Grande into the canyon.
Bob Cat or is it a Mountain Lion? Merely a Bob Cat with her cub in tow.
That nice Mr Obama’s created a shit storm with his executive order to grant immunity to 5 million “undocumented immigrants”. His action will grant “deferred action” to two illegal immigrant groups – parents of United States citizens or legal permanent residents who have been in the country for five years, and young people who who were brought into the country illegally as of 2010. The majority of the countries up in arms about it, apart of course from 5 million “undocumented immigrants” – how can we become one.
From our overlook over the Rio Grande we see the first influx of some more illegals from Mexico – see picture.
Then it’s the Hot Springs – the road from hell – but at least we make it there and back. Wendy has a paddle in the hot springs, sat besides the raging, cold, Rio Grande.
That bird displaying his wares.
After 7 hours on the go we return to have coffee (Chai Latte) on the balcony and admire the view.
Dinner in the restaurant again. Back to the room. No TV, but we’ve 80+ Roadrunner / wildlife photos to cull, crop and process. 21:00 and Noddy’s no where near Big Ears but we’re off to bed.
Saturday – hot and sunny.
Obama’s OK’d “undocumented immigrants”. Is this the start of another mass migration across the Rio Grande?
Up early for an in the room breakfast. Much cheaper and better than the restaurant breakfast.
We leave today but have the whole day in Big Bend.
Do the Ross Maxwell Scenic drive and call in at all the Pull Offs to see the vistas. Highlight of the whole park, apart from the Roadrunner sighting, is a walk down the Santa Elena Canyon Trail. Sadly it’s a tad cloudy so we don’t get the best pictures.
After a full morning we drive back up to our hotel in Alpine, same one as Wednesday. Yet another pull in at a border patrol. Poor guy spends 5 minutes searching my passport for the date stamp. At last he finds it and we can go on. At least this time we have our passports with us.
Dinner in a classic All American diner, sadly no pinkle water license.
Santa Elena Canyon in Big Bend the other end of the Rio Grande.
It’s goodbye Big Bend. A massive park with 3 different environments in one, the Chihuahuan desert, the Chisos mountains and the Rio Grande river. Enjoyed it, and at last we get some great pictures of our favourite bird, the Roadrunner, but Zion NP is still my favourite. To be fair they all have something different to offer.
Posted inUncategorized|Comments Off on 20141116 – Goodbye Albuquerque. Hello Bob Cats, Roadrunners, TBones, Nodding Donkeys, wilderness – yea it’s Texas
Ancient graffiti or as the proper people call it Petroglyphs.
Off down to the National (free with our NP pass) Petroglyph Park. Basically a lot of ancient graffiti. Have a pleasant stroll / climb around the rocks. Getting very brave in me old age.
Wendy at top of Petroglyphs.
Then we drive up to the Coronado Historic site. Now that’s a lot more interesting, complete with climb down into a Kiva and talk by a very helpful docent. Awesome views of the Rio Grande and the Sandia Mountains.
Having experienced Comcasts service first hand I can relate tot this. It took 4 days, 5 store visits and 4 phone calls to set my account up. Believe you me they are infinitely worse than BT.
Tuesday – hot and sunny.
Sadly none around.
Up at 05:00 for a 06:30 balloon flight. Manage to talk Wendy into it. She keeps whinging that it’s to expensive. You only live once; you can’t go ballooning when you’re dead, not even in FSM heaven, or so I’m lead to believe; what a great experience it’ll be; it’s only money; good way to fritter away the kids inheritance. If anybody, it should be me whose reluctant as I don’t like heights.
You’d think that having to get up this early they’d pay us.
Coronado overlooking Rio Grande.
Anyway we bundle up with 5 layers, hat and gloves – it’s probably going to be colder than a witch’s titty in a brass bra doin’ push-ups in the snow. I help with the erection, sorry inflation. It’s massive, they go inside. Amazing there’s a big hole in the top with a circular plug of balloon material below it. Apparently there’s a cord to it, pull the cord, the hole opens up to the heavens and you’ve got an emergency descent – whatever you do don’t touch the cord.
Would you believe that before this balloon flight I had a full head of hair. Now it’s all been burnt off.
Anyway we’re off up and away. All very smooth, and I’m amazed that despite my fear of heights how exhilarating it is. We drift around at he mercy of the wind. We get to do a “splash and dash” into the Rio Grande, where the bottom of the basket just touches the water. We get to clip across the top of the trees and are able to touch the branches. Rise up above 1,000 feet. The first 999 feet don’t bother me it’s that last 1 foot.
Nearly got our feet wet in the Rio Grande.
First attempted landing, would have been on a road, fails. Finally land in a large area of scrub land. Bend zee knees on landing, cling on and basket nearly tips over but manages to right itself. Yes, we’ve all survived although Wendy had the joy of a 20 stone female elephant sitting on her knees as we landed. It wasn’t as cold as expected and I’m sure the propane burners has singed all me hair off – could be a law suit coming on.
Rio Grande.
Then in ballooning tradition it’s a champagne breakfast, a badge, a champagne glass and a survivors certificate. Awesome experience, even Wendy enjoyed it.
Don’t you just love foreign call centres. This just epitomises the experience:
Call in at Wholefoods (AKA WholePayPacket) to pick up a dish for tea (dinner to any Southern softies reading). Wendy thinks it’s a great pity there aren’t any Wholefoods in the UK. Me and my credit card are eternal grateful for the 3,000 miles of Atlantic ocean and our language keeping them at bay.
Afternoon lazing around. Skived off my bike ride and did some SQLing.
Do you want to build a meth lab? (Frozen * Breaking Bad parody)
I can’t quite decide whether to class this as a rant or a joke. But before we descend into Texas I’d better get my anti-NRA rants over with. I think down there criticising the 2nd or the NRA is considered blasphemy, a bit like mentioning the war in Germany, and can probably get you shot:
Friday – cold and sunny.
Lazy morning and then off to the Balloon museum.
Only $2 each for us geriatrics. Must be the only benefit of old age. Interesting place, spend a couple of hours browsing and playing with the experiments.
Wendy wants to call in at Teavanha (Starbucks of the tea world) for some of their ludicrously expensive peppermint white chocolate tea. Two for one, and it’s still so expensive I’m beginning to think it’s perhaps a tea that’s been consumed and then shit out by a Roadrunner or some other exotic bird, with the droppings scrapped up and put in an expensive box. Thankfully we don’t have Teavanha in England either – I hope. However, I will admit it is a very tasty tea.
Well we’re coming to the end of our stay in Albuquerque and I suppose nothing would be more appropriate than some quotes from Breaking Bad:
Just couldn’t resist this Robin Williams and guns:
I promise to be good and not comment on the NRA once I cross the border into Texas.
Saturday – warm and sunny.
Last day here in ABQ, so big clean up. Wendy wants me from under her feet, so packs me off on the bird walk for a couple of hours. Oh dear how sad, the things I put up with to please her.
My jobs sorting the car apparently.
A1 Car wash.
Now that’s what I call a car wash. Call in at the A1 Car Wash from Breaking Bad – actually called Octopus. Now I’m alway the first to slag off America and it’s Ford principle of tiny tasks and no discretion or initiative., but this place is a shining example and a shrine to the Ford Principle. Slick, and I’m not referring to the soap suds, isn’t the word. A cast of 1,000’s vacuum the car; whisk into a conveyor; clean wheel; clean inside; leather dry it. Just 5 minutes from start to finish but in case you get bored, thirsty or hungry there’s free, yes free, coffee, pop corn, comfy chairs and magazines. Admittedly no girly mags but hey ho, can’t have everything.
Finally manage to find the bottle bank. Obviously the Green peace tree huggers don’t want anyone re-cycling so they’ve hid it well and made sure there’s no signs to it.
After lunch we’re all done so drive down to Wholefoods to pick up some tea and then get the Hire car from that nice Mr Hertz, including “big” upgrade – well ain’t everything bigger over here!
We’ve had an awesome time in ABQ. Great city, so easy to get around; lovely weather; plenty to do; fantastic network of bike paths, just a pity about the “Goat Heads” – natures very own stingers and bike mine fields.
More Breaking Bad:
Why do we keep getting so many home exchange requests from giant families in Spain, more kids than you can shake a perforated condom at. I’ve emailed them back and told them we’ll come to Spain when they’ve finished building it.
Lazy day. iPad has a dose of “computer problems”, got an occasional lock up – bloody software if you ask me – but to be on the safe side we take it back to Apple store. No problem to replace it. Try backing up to iCloud, but Apple store Internet’s too slow – can you believe it. Try Starbuck’s their links too slow. Finally give up we’ll come back another day.
David Attenboroug presents nightclubbing:
As usual I’ll totally brassed off with computer software, so here’s a few loony computer sayings:
Computers, huh? I’ve heard it all boils down to just a bunch of ones and zeroes…. I don’t know how that enables me to see naked women, but however it works, God bless you guys.
After growing wildly for years, the field of computing appears to be reaching its infancy.
Hardware: where the people in your company’s software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company’s hardware section will tell you the problem is.
Computers have lots of memory but no imagination.
For the avoidance of any future doubt this is the St Francis church in Sante Fe.
I’ve discovered this great app, “Around Me” that can locate all sorts of useful places, but sadly the senseless nerds have omitted perhaps the most obvious place – toilets. Another example of the lack of applied common sense, probably because there’s no money in toilets.
Thursday – warm and sunny.
Backed up iPad overnight and reset it. Take it back to Apple store for a no quibble exchange. Mind you the techy who dealt with us was slower than a herd of turtles stampedin’ through peanut butter. Unusual for Apple.
Call in at Costco for some excitement.
Back to the bike shop, yet again for yet another new inner tube. This time splash out on a thick, puncture resistant one.
Fit new inner tube, into new tyre. Let’s hope this survives all these little thorns that seem to adorn these fantastic bike paths. Ironic really.
New research into the “make you more alert affects” of coffee shows that for people who don’t drink coffee regularly it does make them more alert. While for regular slurpers and addicts it merely helps keep them “normal”. Wow coffee makes even me normal!
More Sante Fe.
Pots for rags. Who’d believe it? Have they completely lost their marbles? That Cameron geezer has apparently given £650 million in aid to Pakistan for education.
When David Cameron announced £650m in education aid for Pakistan last week, I guess the same thought occurred to many British people as it did to me: why are we doing this?
While we are slashing our social services and making our children pay hefty university fees, why should we be giving all this money to a country that has reduced its education budget to 1.5% of GDP while spending several times as much on defence? A country where only 1.7m of a population of 180m pay tax? A country that is stepping up its production of nuclear weapons so much that its arsenal will soon outnumber Britain’s? A country so corrupt that when its embassy in Washington held an auction to raise money for flood victims, and a phone rang, one Pakistani said loudly: “That’s the president calling for his cut”? A country which has so alienated powerful friends in America that they now want to abandon it?
Friday – hot and sunny.
Sante Fe street sellers outside the palace of the Governors. Not Albuquerque.
Electricity in kitchen cuts out. Check trip switches and sure enough the kitchen ones tripped. Try to clear and reset, but switch won’t even clear. Seems stuck in mid point. Disconnect ALL appliances to make sure there’s no a permanent short. Still no joy. Stuart ends up sending his handy man around. He manages to reset to the off position and clear it. I really must learn to use more force on these sort of problems, so often you try to fix something, especially plumbing or mechanical issues, to no avail, and yet the expert uses plenty of brute force and a good helping of “I don’t care if it breaks” and fixes it. Moral – eat plenty of spinach.
Up and out to Sante Fe. No, we’ve not been there before. Yes, we have been to Albuquerque before. How sad is it when you can’t remember.
Getting into this town is traffic light hell. There’s more traffic lights than jihadis in Iraq.
Not all that impressive. Pleasant town square etc., but Old Town Albuquerque is much more pleasant. Call in for a coffee and spot of lunch at a French bakery – yes, you’d think I’d have more sense. Should have voted with our feet when we saw the “No credit cards – cash only signs”. Can you believe that here in the land of the mighty dollar, even worse than a “ban the NRA” sign.
Visitors centre is, as typical with American towns, very well hidden to avoid staff being disturbed. Then we find a small visitors booth in the town square. May be a bit of a wait as they’ve nipped out until May 2015. Unbelievable when you look at the number of obvious tourists here. Of course I don’t suppose anyone cold have used some imagination and initiative and put few maps and leaflets in a rack outside. Imagination, empowerment and initiative seem alien in this country. I blame Henry Ford.
Madrid shop and post boxes.
On the way back we call in at Madrid. An arty farty shanty ghost town. Seems to be inhabited by hoary hairy hippies, resplendent with their moth eaten, insect infested dreadlocks, with enough remnants from the past weeks meals to keep them fed for a week, or balding Bob Dylan fan’s with long pony tails to make the most of their withering hair. Sat on their balconies enjoying the last of the days sun, and probably some medicinal weed, just waiting for the grim reaper to come and spirit them away to the grand Woodstock concert bash in the sky.
As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It’s just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.
If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it’s done.
Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
One of the many rickety places in Madrid.
Interesting watching question time. You can always tell the non-politicians, they talk common sense, no party political broadcasts, no blame and the audience always rates their answer the best. Not a skerrick of common sense amongst any of the politicians. Major cause for concern. Really must stop watching, it’s depressing to think these chuckleheads decide our fate.
Saturday – warm and sunny.
Up at the crack o sparrows again to make to 08:30 Bird walk down at the Rio Grande.
At last we get to see a Roadrunner. Not just one, but two, and even manage a distant picture. Considering it’s New Mexico’s state bird it certainly seems pretty camera shy.
Best of all is this Youtube video of a Roadrunner seeing off a Rattle snake and then downing it in one, with no condiments or dressings. Roadrunner versus Rattle snake – awesome:
In the afternoon I manage a pleasant bike ride and happen to come across yet another Starbucks. It would be a sin not to pop in and rattle their cage.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
Don’t anthropomorphize computers – they hate it.
Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
I haven’t lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere.
I just wish my mouth had a backspace key.
Birding geeks meet for their bird walk.
The technological singularity hypothesis is that accelerating progress in technologies will cause a runaway effect wherein artificial intelligence will exceed human intellectual capacity and control, thus radically changing or even ending civilization in an event called the singularity. The singularity is predicted to be with us by 2045, or in the case of comparison with politicians intelligence was reached back in 1965 with an IBM 360. With computers that can pass the Turing test by 2029.
I’m not alone in my fear. Silicon Valley’s resident futurist, Elon Musk, recently said artificial intelligence is “potentially more dangerous than nukes.” And Stephen Hawking, one of the smartest people on earth, wrote that successful A. I. “would be the biggest event in human history. Unfortunately, it might also be the last.” There is a long list of computer experts and science fiction writers also fearful of a rogue robot-infested future.
Two main problems with artificial intelligence lead people like Mr. Musk and Mr. Hawking to worry. The first, more near-future fear, is
Male Downy Woodpecker. How can you tell when you can’t even see his pecker? The red on his heads a dead giveaway. Nerdy.
that we are starting to create machines that can make decisions like humans, but these machines don’t have morality and likely never will.
The second, which is a longer way off, is that once we build systems that are as intelligent as humans, these intelligent machines will be able to build smarter machines, often referred to as superintelligence. That, experts say, is when things could really spiral out of control as the rate of growth and expansion of machines would increase exponentially. We can’t build safeguards into something that we haven’t built ourselves.
Artificial-intelligence proponents argue that these things would never happen and that programmers are going to build safeguards. Oh yeh! But let’s be realistic: It took nearly a half-century for programmers to stop computers from crashing every time you wanted to check your email. What makes them think they can manage armies of quasi-intelligent robots? And even today, most software is still more bug infested than a doss house mattress and as well made as a soup sandwich.
Sunday – warm and sunny.
My favourite exhibit. Has no title or name of artist. I call “Soap opera’s delight”. Only joking, but it was more interesting than some of the tripe on display.
Off down to the Albuquerque Museum. It’s free Sunday morning. Free’s always good. Calls it a history museum but it’s an art museum. We were told by the receptionist, with glee, that some of it’s even still for sale. Oh goody, I’m as happy as a baby in a barrel of tits .
Now “they”, the arty farty chattering liberal PC classes, say that arts meant to invoke emotion. Being the philistine that I’m proud to be, I’m glad to report that they’re correct. In me, yet again, it invoked the emotion of absolute incredulity that these lame brains, who must have fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down, could be so dimwitted as to pay anything for some of this tripe. More money than sense. But oh how I so love it when you get the chattering chuckleheaded classes wondering around with that wonderful phrase, “you can just loose yourself in it”.
Best thing about my cultural overdose – thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and not forgetting Chione, it was free. The place almost defies the free’s always good theory.
Have a shifty around Old Town once again so that we can buy an “authentic” Indian weaved basket.
Call in at Starbucks for my favourite – a soy dirty Chai with 2 extra shots, it’s awesome, try it. I point out that my Gold membership of the World of Starbuck crazies means I get shots free. They’re confused. Call the manager over, who’s amazed. Anyway to his credit no argy bargy, in fact my $6.8o coffees is on the house and to top it all so is Wendy’s Earl Grey. How’s that for customer service.
Massive life sized sculpture outside the art museum. At least something was impressive.
Letter to David Cameron
Dear Mr Cameron
I note from a report in the daily thunderer that the radical cleric geezer, Anjem Choudray, has claimed he would renounce his British citizenship and live under the rule of Isis, if the government would grant him safe passage.
Quick snap his hand off, as the police and security forces don’t seem able to nail him, and even if they did he’d only cost us a fortune in gaol. Not only would you save £25,000 a year, in what he calls Jihadist Seekers allowance, for his family of 4 sprogs, but you’d also free up a £320,000 council house. Pay the fare for him and all his family. Grant him safe passage and when he lands have someone there from the British embassy to have a ceremonial Youtube event, to cut up his British passport and remove British citizenship. A big cheer will go up in this country as we’re sick of the nonsense surrounding him.
If you’re struggling finding the funds then drop me an email and I’ll send you a tenner and have a whip round locally. I’m sure we could easily raise enough to send his whole family back first class.
Regards
Tony
PS
A few words of political advice, if I may be so bold, make the most of your last days in No 10. If you don’t pull your socks up and kick Europe into touch then I’m sure that Farage geezer will be taking residence and having some real ale pumps installed.
Off down to the Rio Grande Nature centre for a birding stroll. Totally the wrong time of day as we spent most of the morning surfing, knitting and supping coffee. A pleasant enough place, but birds were as rare as a politician with some common sense.
Anyone remember Dave Allen? Here’s one of his superb comedy sketches on religion:
Try to book in the Olive Garden for tomorrow night. I detest the queueing that Americans seem to enjoy when going out to dinner.
Trees flaunting their Autumnal foliage.
But you can’t book a table unless there’s 8 of you. We can take your name, so when you arrive you go to the front of the queue that we like to have in order to piss off our customers. Hmm… Customer service strikes again. My delusion that I’m a customer has flared up again – don’t worry it’s not catching and non-aggressive, I have some cream I can rub on my head to medicate it. I realise it would be much to complicated to offer a reservation service, you might have to use some initiative and intelligence.
Friday – hot and sunny.
For all you Breaking Bad fans we did a DIY BB tour around Albuquerque. Yes, we suffered it. How sad is that! Sadder than watching daytime TV all day and every Soap omnibus going. Feel like a right pair of geeks.
Walt’s house in Breaking Bad.
Walt’s house – now.
Car Wash in Breaking Bad.
Car Wash – now.
Let’s Call Saul office in Breaking Bad.
Let’s Call Saul office – now
Los Pollos restaurant in Breaking Bad.
Los Pollos restaurant – now.
Crossroads Motel in Breaking Bad.
Crossroads Motel – now, minus classy broad.
Jessies house – now.
Hanks home – now.
There’s many web sites showing locations of the various sets used, so off we went. Two hours of lunacy, but at least it gave us a good tour around ABQ. Even bumped into the official bus tour at a few locations and looking on the bright side we saved ourselves $150 by doing it ourselves.
In the evening we go out to the Olive Garden for dinner. It was as good as ever and so handy, could almost walk. Eating their Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo makes me think I’m in Flying Spaghetti Monster heaven.
Here’s a more modern comedian. Ricky Gervais does the Bible:
Some blue meths. I think!
Don’t I just love the hype around Halloween. Amazing a pagan festival turned into a major marketing rip off by the Mighty Marketing Moguls. It’s such a major event over here.
So lets get it straight, people spend all year hammering it into their kids “DON’t TALK TO STRANGERS” etc. Then on this pagan festival night, they wait until it’s dark and send their kids out to beg for sweets off total strangers. “Come in dearie I’ve a big surprise for you” – hmmm..
Of course there are alternatives to avoid this rampant madness:
1 Go out for a meal – our preferred option.
2 Sit in the dark all evening with the doors and windows locked – my Mothers option as this used to frighten her.
3 Answer the door with a shotgun.
4 Borrow a class 1 attack dog.
5 Stick a plague flag on your front door.
Just what most of our politicians need – backbone.
Big danger is ending up with your house covered in Yellow spray can graffiti. To ensure no property damage to our home exchange we bought some sweets. Bad news – we now have to live off kit-Kats and Mounds for the rest of the year. No one came.
What’s even more disturbing in this supposed Christian country they’ll wish you a “Happy Halloween” (pagan festival), yet daren’t wish you a merry Christams, instead resort to the PC “Happy holiday”.
Even bigger worry is that this insidious virus is spreading to the UK as the greed merchants in marketing see an opportunity to exploit the numpties.
Saturday – warm and sunny.
Apple 1 computer from the Homebrew club.
Have a pleasant 12 mile bike ride in the morning. Great way to explore Albuquerque. Even if I did get lost.
After lunch set off to visit the Indian Pueblo museum. Wendy pops in to check times of Indian dancers and comes out totally pissed off by the receptionist. Apparently the rudest one she’s ever encountered. Of course in England we have a cure for this, It’s called a brown envelope, which would contain a P45 – equivalent of what I believe the Americans call a pink slip. In my view it should be doled out not only to the receptionist, but more importantly to the half wit who employed her. Why are there so many rude, unfriendly and inappropriate people employed in customer facing roles. You just have to send in a few mystery shoppers or even talk to these people to realise that they’re about as friendly as a grizzly with toothache.
Red Rocks on the Jemez Springs mountain road.
Instead we go to the Natural History museum. Wow what an impressive museum. I’m not usually that impressed with Natural History Museums but this one was the exception. Good to see the volunteer docents come out and speak to you and explain what they were doing and the various exhibits. Best of all was an exhibition of computing through the ages. Plenty of Apple equipment, including an early apple one computer from the homebrew computer club. Whilst I could relate to most of the equipment on display it was also a sad reminder of our old I am.
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. ~One of Murphy’s Laws of Technology.
Sunday – warm and sunny.
Up at the crack of sparrows for an early morning organised Birdwalk down at the Rio Grande state park. Well worth getting up so early, seen about 30 different varieties of birds as well as a porcupine resting in a tree, I didn’t know they could climb, and a coyote strolling across a field.
In the afternoon we spend in as there is rain forecast. Sure enough it does rain, and thunder and lightning. Actually it is quite refreshing to spend an afternoon relaxing in the house. Makes quite a pleasant change and allows me to get SQL’ing done.
I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss.
Monday – cool and sunny.
Up early and off up the Jemez Mountain trail. What a stunning drive through the mountains, makes up for the paucity of the so called Enchanted Circle drive. This is not the least bit boring.
Call in at all the places on the way up the Jemez Mountain Trail road. Have lunch overlooking Battleship Rock. A very enjoyable road trip. One of the nicest drives ever.
Finally get to our hotel. A Hampton Inn supposedly in Los Alamos. But no it’s 13 miles away in White Rock. Yes, according to the excellent receptionist a lot of customers are annoyed by this outright deception. What have Hilton done about it nothing. No they’d rather go on bracing there customers off. Well good news is I vote with my feet, cancel the booking and go to the Comfort Inn in Los Alamos. Well Mr Hampton that’s two Hampton Inns that have let me down in the past 7 days. One more strike and you’re out. I’ll take great delight in cutting my loyalty card up.
White rock overlook.
Dinner at the Blue Window restaurant. All very pleasant. It seems that Los Alamos is one of the more wealthier towns in New Mexico due to the Labs there employing over 10,000 people. You can tell it’s more up market, for a small town it even has a Starbucks and a very classy Smiths supermarket.
To get our green card we need to ditch our bad attitude to tipping.
Tuesday – cool and sunny.
Here we are in PO box 1663, also known as Los Alamos, source of the Manhattan project to develop a nuclear bomb. During the 2nd World war post was sent to PO Box 1663 and this town was a secret.
Visit the Bradbury science museum. A great museum that explains what still goes on at Los Alamos, well some of it at least. I could spend all day here, but not really Wendy’s cup of tea.
As we drive into town the main highway passes through the massive laboratory complex. All cars are stopped, subject to random search and have to produce photo ID – apparently imposed since 9/11. Of course we don’t have our passport with us, so I show them my paper driving license along with loose photograph that I slipped in their to keep “them” happy. Sometimes the photos even on a slant and is obviously not an integral part of the license. I just love it – see picture. This never fails to fool the numpties. All part of the jobsworth approach to life. Enough to drive a wooden Indian crazy. One of these days I’m really tempted to use that fake Breaking Bad (Walter White ID) just to explore the boundaries of lunacy.
My paper driving license complete with loose picture to fool the gullible.
Bradbury museum video:
We also visit Bandelier National Historic Monument – another free entrance with our annual National Parks pass.
This place is awesome. Has a pleasant 2 mile walk amongst the 9th to 12th century ancient pueblo cliff dwelling. You can even climb ladders into them. Heights are not really my cup of tea, especially when there’s no safety harness and I’ve never received any H&S working at heights training. But hey, ho, I update my will and go for it. What’s the worse that can happen, I die or I stain my underwear. Signs of wood worm in some of the rungs is a tad off putting. I do hope someones wiped down these rungs with antiseptic!
One things for certain those Indians must have been fit, up and down those ladders, and judging by the 1 foot square hole in the roof that represents their front door, their certainly wasn’t an obesity problem. Blobbies would have to stay outside and freeze to death.
What a great day and to top it off, we drive back down scenic Highway 4 and call in at Jemez Falls for a quick photo. Get back to Albuquerque after dark. Now I know we’re in a third World country. No street lighting, no cats eyes and drivers behind you who seem to change lanes faster than a bee stung stallion and seem determined to crawl up my tail pipe. Makes driving at night harder than trying to stick a wet noodle in a wildcat’s ass.
Call in at WholeFoods, also commonly know as WholePaypacket for a take away dinner. I have a Burrito Subway style and Wendy goes for a stir fry, both freshly made.
Bill Maher mocks stupid Americans who carry guns around in public:
Don’t worry I suspect I’m already on the NRA’s hit list and given their way I’d go the way of Piers Morgan.
Wendy entering Los Alamos.
Just love the conversations you have with all these friendly Americans. A common theme they all seem to come up with is “well unlike you guys, we don’t really have any history”. And yes, when you visit towns and they have an historic quarter that all of 40 years old you can start to believe it. What they seem to forget is the Indians that lived here thousands of years ago, mind you they probably rather forget it as it really is part of their “bad past”.
Have a wander around the Taos Plaza and a coffee. A pretty town but dirt poor looking.
Out for dinner to a good Mexican restaurant. Good food, hot and spicy.
Taos plaza.
Then we’re off to the Balloomenshow. Where all the balloons are parked and lit up by there propane burners. Do a range of different lighting effects from all on, to twinkles to waves. Pictures tell the story.
Usual hotel chain looks like the local doss house, so we decided to move up market a tad and stay at a Hamilton Inn. Spare no expense, it’s only frittering away the kids inheritance.
Early evening Balloomenshow.
We’re watching TV in bed, yes crap American TV with their 58th repeat of “Keeping Up Appearances”, when all of a sudden the headboard starts shaking, like a dog passing hammer handles. My god it’s an earthquake! But no the grounds not shaking, nor are the walls or anything else in the room, just the headboard. Hang on sounds of “enjoyment” from next door. The headboards in this desert gin place somehow linked, like photon entanglement me thinks.
Never mind first thing in the morning I’ll have a word with our neighbours. Should be easy enough to identify her, she’ll no doubt have bruises and splinters on top of her head and probably be walking bow legged.
In future no doubt we’ll get noise cancelling headphones handed out on arrival and have to whisper in the room for fear of being overheard.
Sunday – warm and sunny.
Balloomenshow in Taos.
Up at the crack of sparrows, 06:30, for an early breakfast and then off to the mass ascension. Not a religious festival thank Chione, but 30 – 50 balloons ascending heavenwards. A lot of people there and a lot of inactivity from the balloon crews. Turns out the winds in the wrong direction and they can’t fly from there as they’ll go straight into the mountains. Is there a plan B, I ask well some of them may drive South and set off from various locations and some may stay here and just inflate their gallons. Chaos. No plan B. Apparently it’s up to the individual crews. It’s 3P’s if you ask me – Piss Poor Planning. You can’t control the weather but you would have thought they would have a plan B ascension site and rules of entry were such that if you can’t take off from Plan A site then you go to plan B site. But no it’s just chaos.
Manage to find 5 balloons in one area taking off. Very disappointing.
Then we’re off to Taos Pueblo. A World Heritage site of Pueblo Indian houses dating back over a 1,000 years. Interesting guided tour and then wander around. By the very nature of the place it’s dirt poor. Dust everywhere. Only about 3 families live in the Pueblo itself, with no electricity just propane for heat and light. Can you imagine that Wendy no East Enders. Worse still no Internet. I wonder why youngsters are drifting away?
It’s a typical American Indian place; scrawny dogs a wandering everywhere; plenty of rubbish tips; the American equivalent of a gypsy encampment. The one difference from past reservations is that this place is on some lovely land rather than scrub desert that no even a rattlesnake would want to live in.
A late lunch back in the Taos Plaza and then get the delight of exploring all the shops we missed yesterday.
Best of some bad planning. Where’s the other 28?
Subway for dinner, how good is that, along with a bottle of Pinot Noir and 3 Homelands on TV in a row. Now we’re ahead of the UK. Anyone want to know what happens, email me.
Monday – warm and sunny.
Taos Pueblo. Certainly not high on anyones desirable properties list and no entries in “Home & Garden”.
Leave hotel to do the Enchanted Circle drive, supposedly a scenic highway, or as Wendy called it the boring circle. Yes a couple of nice bits through the mountains, but we’re a bit over faced with mountains these days, so are not easily impressed. Most of it through scrub land. Have a side trip up to Taos ski area. No way I could give that a miss. Well it may be one of the few resorts in Western USA that I’ve not skied but I certainly won’t be suffering 3 airports to come to it.
Then take another scenic highway, “The High Road to Taos” back down to Sante Fe. Now this is more like it. Both Low and High roads are impressive.
Ultimate in 10th century self clean ovens.
Stop at a Starbucks by way of a change. Get my free shots after having to prove to all and sundry, including the so called manager, that gold members are entitled to free shots. Just goes to show how dilatory they are. My UK Starbuck app gives me free shots or free syrups. That’s what it says so thats what I thrust under their noses. In the USA a gold member gets free coffee top ups. I get the best of both Worlds, when I want extra shots or syrup I show the UK app to them, if I want extra coffee then I just ask for a top up as a gold member. Worldwide Company with parochial think, serves the greedy gnomes in their marketing department right.
Get back around 18:00 after 8 hours driving.
More Taos Pueblo – North side. Is this where the wealthy live?
Another day, another school shooting. 5 shot this time, including the shooter. When will they ever learn. Flying Spaghetti Monster bless the 2nd. Flying Spaghetti Monster bless the NRA. it’s just bat shit crazy.
Tuesday – hot and sunny.
Lazy start to the day then a 15 mile bike ride down Tramway to a Starbucks and back. While Wendy gets her weekly supermarket fix.
Wendy in Taos at the end of our second shopping minder.
After lunch we’re off down to Lids to buy Kurt a baseball cap he wants – kids. What a crap Company. Not got it, but you can order it will take up to 14 working days – they could make to order in outer Mongolia quicker than that. Or for ONLY an extra $5 we can have it express shipped, only 5 working days – do they still use mule trains for shipping in this country. I can feel an Amazon moment coming on with a swift exit left, Wendy’s a tad more patient.
Charming little creature spotted by Wendy. Would make a good meal toasted.
Then browse around the Apple store and view the new iPad Air 2. So thin and light and fast.
Finally end up at Wholefoods for some nice salads and foods for tea. Very disappointing, this place really seems to vary day by day as to choice.
This is about as close as I’ll ever come to skiing here.
Wednesday – hot and sunny in ABQ but up on Sandia Crest, 10,500 feet it’s just 48F.
Wendy at the top of Sandia Peak.
Very lazy and frustrating morning as I sort out iPad / iPhone upgrades to iOS8, add VPN’s and upgrade Macbook to Yosemite. By the end of the morning I need a new keyboard as the keys to my password are worn down to the metal and I’m desperately in need of some alcohol. Apple seem to be catching the Microsoft virus with too many upgrade / password / technical steps.
After lunch we drive up to Sandia Crest for a Short stroll up Sandia Crest to Sandia Peak and tramway station. Coffee at High Finance
Sandia Peak tramway. Being tight we drove up and walked across Sandia Crest.
restaurant and then back. Awesomely frightening views over Albuquerque and New Mexico from 10,500 feet. I break out in a cold sweat just looking over the edge. Altitude really gets to you and makes even a short stroll quite an aerobic workout. Well worth the effort though.
Apple such an environmentally conscientious company doesn’t worry too much about this eyesore on a mountain top. Sadly, nor does this nerd.
Call in for some gas (petrol), think it’s cheaper than some of the bottled waters, at under $3 a gallon. Anyway go to pump tyres up to placate yellow tyre warning light, how neat is that. $1 to pump your tyres. It says there’s a gauge on the end of the airline. They lie. No gauge. Apparently here in the land of plenty you have to provide your own. Care to guess why? Well it’s certainly not in an attempt at good customer service. No, my theory is they’re frightened of being sued.
At times you do get the feeling you’re in a 3rd World country.
Well our body clocks seem to be shifting now as we don’t wake up until around 07:00.
Serious rain forecast for this afternoon so it’s a local bike ride for me this morning. Sadly get a puncture as tyre seems to develop an hernia and spills its guts out, so have a long walk back.
In the afternoon, much to Wendy’s delight we go to the “national Museum of Nuclear Science and History”. A collection of harbingers of death and destruction outside with planes and missiles, all capable of carrying nuclear weapons. Inside there’s artefacts to do with all things nuclear, from the Los Alamos Project; dropping the bomb on Japan; Nuclear reactors; nuclear medicine. Then there’s a limited array of scientific exhibits. Not that impressive really and one of the least imaginative science museums we’ve visited. Took Wendy about 15 minute to go round, I managed an hour. I think she was as bored as a nit on a bald head.
Fat Man atomic bomb replica used on Japan.
Meanwhile the storms really kicked in. As they say “It’s a luvly shade o’ black o’er t’mother-in-laws” and the heavens open up. Bizarre but most locals like the rain it quite rare. Come and live in Belthorn for a few months that would soon cure them.
Pass Costco on the way back so who can resist a visit, it would be a sin not to. Not got our cards but they’re very obliging and issue us a temporary pass.
Back home for afternoon tea and some work. Manage to get in a couple of hours consulting and SQL’ing in Glasgow, ain’t technology marvellous.
Oh I forgot to mention the highlight of our 9 hour flight. Joy. We’re sat in front of 6 Afro Caribbean women who must have won a UK gob factor competition, and probably heading for the Miss Gobby World contest. Loud, I’m surprised the pilot didn’t come and complain; normal head phones were a waste; I doubt even noise cancellors would drown them out. Incessant. 8 hours of non stop mindless drivel. More rattle than a treacle tin full o marbles. I’m sure the 6 of them didn’t even have a combined IQ that tops a 100. On landing they all burst out clapping and then thanked the Lord for delivering them safely.
Now thats what I call a toothpick and it can deliver an atomic bomb too.
Meanwhile some more highlights from the late George Carlin:
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
Let me get a sip of water here…you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don’t care, I drink it anyway. You know why? Because I’m an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. I’m a loyal American and I’m not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day.
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Religion is nothing but mind control. Religion is just trying to control your mind, control your thoughts, so they’re gonna tell you some things you shouldn’t say because they’re…sins. And besides telling you things you shouldn’t say, religion is gonna suggest some things that you ought to be saying; “Here’s something you ought to say first thing when you wake up in the morning; here’s something you ought to say just before you go to sleep at night; here’s something we always say on the third Wednesday in April after the first full moon in spring at 4 o’clock when the bells ring.” Religion is always suggesting things you ought to be saying.
Ready for a stroll in bear country. Dam me, so I can’t feed them some Black Forest gateaux!
One thing I’d always been led to believe, don’t know where from, was that America warned the Japanese government to surrender before dropping the bomb on Hiroshima. Apparently that’s not quite the case according to one of the exhibits in the museum. Prior to dropping the bomb an Interim committee was set up and one of it’s recommendations was not to give warning.
It would seem that the Potsdam agreement did warn of “the inevitable and complete destruction…….”, but no mention was made of a new atomic bomb weapon. There’s also some controversy about whether leaflets were dropped warning the civilian population, but these may have been after the first bomb on Hiroshima.
Not quite as Lilly white and humane as it has been portrayed.
Tuesday – hot and sunny.
Stroll in the hill behind our home exchange.
Trip down to Up Town. Lovely high class shopping area. What a surpass the first place we come across is an Apple Store, what a coincidence. Followed by a Starbucks. Then sadly it’s across the road to a big shopping Mall – I abandon hope. Time to be heading home me thinks.
A retail therapy day. With some consultancy work late afternoon.
More from George:
I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don’t believe anything the government tells me. […] I look at war a little bit differently. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! OK? Simple thing. That’s all it is. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. That’s what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. That’s what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. It’s called “dick fear!” Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! You don’t have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy at work. It sounds like this: “What, they have bigger dicks? Bomb them!” And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. It’s a subconscious need to project the penis into other people’s affairs. It’s called “fucking with people!”
Local hills.
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
What is it with all these big stores. Not a sign anywhere. I wonder why? A more cynical person might think the Mandarins in the Marketing department have done it on purpose to force you to explore the store.
Wednesday – hot and sunny.
Possibility of rain so we decide to go down to Downtown. Have a drive around. Not inspiring. Guess we won’t be going back again.
Wow. At last.
On the way back Wendy remembers that there’s Wholefood stores – must think I’m made of money. It just so happens to be around the corner from her memory moment. Wow, they’re using Apple Pay. How neat is that. I’m orgasmic. Mind you at Wholefoods you need something like Apple Pay or a wheel barrow full of dollars. After years of waiting, NFC payment finally comes to fruition on the iPhone along with the security of finger print recognition. Awesome. Goodbye cash. Goodbye 14 different credit cards. Goodbye cheques and the long queues they invoke.
After a lazy lunch we go for a stroll around the hills behind our home. It’s bear country. Thankfully there’s a sign warning us and telling us not to feed them. Thank Chione for that, I’m sure if I hadn’t read that I’d have been trying to hand feed one with some Black Forest Gateaux. It does make you worry about Americans bureaucracy view on the average intelligence of Americans!
Adopt a dog store in the main shopping mall. Neat.
Book cars and hotels for Taos and Big Bend. What is it with American call centres. When you read something out for them and pause for confirmation, they just remain silent. 1234, pause, silence for ten minutes. No feedback.
Name me a leader who has a better idea for homeland security than making us take off our shoes in airports and throw away our shampoo?
Thursday – hot and sunny.
Today it’s Mountain Lion country. No warning on feeding so I suppose it’s ok.
Yesterday was bear country, today we’re at Bosque del Apache National Wildlife Reserve. An 80 mile drive South. Yes, it’s birdwatching and in Mountain Lion country. One spotted yesterday but we had no such luck today. Mind you we were rewarded with sittings of a Bald Eagle, several Northern Harriers, Sandhill cranes and Black Phoebe. But alas no road runner. Gawking through binoculars at unidentified flying objects is definitely an age thing.
A lovely wildlife area. Free entry with our annual National Park pass. A long way but worth it.
That’s a Bald Eagle. Perhaps it’s a plastic one.
Call in at the small town of Socorro for a coffee and a shifty around. Well someone said it was a poor area. The majority of the main town seems to be taken up with court house and justice system.
On the way back we call in Wholefoods for our tea. They do some awesome foods. I have a made to measure burrito, just like Subway for Burritos. Awesome with double helping of Halepenos. And it just so happens I’ve managed to set myself up on Apple Pay so can pay for it all with my iPhone.
You’ll no doubt be pleased to know that Wendy’s trip to the Nuclear Museum wasn’t a complete waste of time and money. No today she revealed that Brazil nuts and Red Bricks have a high level of radioactivity – now that’s really useful.
Definition of Politically Incorrect:
Saying whatever you god-damn wanna say, and expressing your opinions, and not giving a shit if a spineless minority deems it “offensive.
Pissing people off by telling the truth
Saying what you mean, and meaning what you say.
Just caught his lunch and off to scoff it.
Has anyone noticed the power of “you” when uttered from the female mouth. Every time there’s some issue. Wendy’s retort always seems to include the accusitorial word “you”, with ah but “you said”, “you did”, “you….”. It always seems to come down to me.
Friday – hot and sunny.
Set off for a bike ride down Tramway to the Sandia Tramway station and back.
Amazing isn’t it there’s an awesome cycle path, really lovely yet you still get cyclists on the main road.
Well that 22 mile ride has blown the cobwebs out. Calories burnt = 3 bottles of wine or 18 bottles of beer. It’s going to be a good night.
Menage a trois. Couldn’t quite capture them in a row.
After lunch we have a stroll, in the sunshine, down to the local supermarket and back. No pavement, so you have to walk down the road, definitely un-American. Mind you everyone waves as they pass in their cars. Probably either feel sorry for us as poor typos or are about to phone the police to report some vagrants. No one walks here. A good hours walk with a stop off for a Starbucks at Wendy’s insistence.
Very majestic.
Just love George Carlin and came across this somewhat dated Youtube.
What is it with tattoos. Flowers, pictures, animals and especially naked ladies I can understand. But these silly wenches who have a chapter from a book tattooed on them I fail to comprehend. Are they so bad at sex that they need to provide their partners with something to read to a relive the boredom.
Socorro court house.
One of the many benefits of our home exchange is that we have on call private security guards in case of a problem. Just call and they come running all tooled up. Hmmm.., tooled up minimum wage security guards sounds like a NRA nightmare scenario from Dante’s Inferno. But on the plus side they are trained in first aid, so if they accidentally shoot you there’s a slim chance they can resuscitate you.
Thursday – didn’t really notice the weather too much time in great metal bird.
Our home in Albuquerque for the next month.
Up at the crack o sparrows, our chauffeur (kurt) picks us up at 05:45 and we’re off to Manchester Airport.
You’ll no doubt be pleased to know that in their never ending drive to inflict the maximum misery and make air travel as unpleasant as possible, terminal 2 Manchester have excelled themselves yet again. This time all the airport lounges are full.
On top of that we have to catch a bus to the plane. That has the advantage of adding 2 extra queues to the process. Sheer ingenuity.
Lounge, just love the fireplace.
Well I’m fully reconciled to 24 hours of hell. Pity no one comes up with some tablets or even drugs that just switch you off for 24 hours.
Abandon hope all yea who try and defy gravity.
90 minutes in Atlanta to get through immigration and then be rescanned in case we managed to pick up any explosives whilst on the plane. Machines scan our passports and take our finger prints. They’re so good that 50% of the people then have a repeat performance with an immigration officer – pots for rags – but at leasts it’s another innovative and inventive way to increase the misery factor.
Lounge with stunning views from panoramic windows.
When it comes to immigration control (stamp, stamp, stamp and squiggle) and TSA this place feels like some third world country. There’s not a lot of intelligence, common sense or creativity goes into it.
At least the airport lounge at Atlanta isn’t full, surprisingly empty, but very plush, spacious and welcoming. Great food and free drink, but alas I’m driving.
Pick up car from Enterprise – Hertz are getting too greedy. Not quite as slick as Hertz but at least someone explains all the controls on the car and we get a free full sized luxury upgrade. Finally arrive at our new home for the next month at about 05:00 UK time. End of mandatory day from hell.
Friday – warm and sunny.
Up so early. Waiting for the sun to come up and see the surroundings. Our Home exchange is stunning, I’ll let the photos speak for us. A
Lounge
bungalow in the foothills outside Albuqurque. Also comes with a car – Toyota Prius petrol and battery efficiency. On top of that there’s wifi of course and it’s an Apple home. I’m immersed in the warming comfort of Apple Airport Express, fanning dual band mega Hertz wifi through me, with Apple TV and an iMac. Even have a couple of bikes – awesome.
Drive down to a local restaurant chain, Wecks, for breakfast. They have some tempting Mexican offerings but I settle for French toast with blueberries. Now I know we’re back in America.
Dining room leads into lounge.
Morning unpacking and finding our way around the house. The views into the garden and the hills are great and it’s a veritable cornucopia of birds and wildlife in the garden.
Take the rental car back to the airport and then Wendy gets her weekly fix with a trip to Smiths, the local supermarket. Wendy accuses me sneaking off to Starbucks. Excuse me I didn’t sneak away. I helped get the essentials, wine and coffee, and then went to top up my caffeine and vitamin D levels to help alleviate early onset rickets caused by 6 weeks in Belthorn.
Saturday – warm and sunny.
Kitchen
Wot no Walter! Wot no Blue Meth sales executives hawking their wares – do we look too old for such delicacies? Visit to Albuquerque Old Town,
and unlike most American “Old Towns” which are usually 40 years old, this doea at least date back to 1700’s – now there’s some history. Thought we’d never been to Albuqurque, but a tad worrying as when we see the band stand and town plaza we realise we’ve been here before.
Master bedroom and of course a king size bed complete with GPS system!
Find a Starbucks for a liquid lunch and a banana. I know I’ve really learnt a new language, Starbuck speak, when I can go up to the young girl and ask for a “dirty Chai” and she doesn’t smack me across the face or have me arrested.
Sunday – warm and sunny.
Lazy morning as usual.
Deck complete with settee and dining table – guess they don’t get much rain.
Plan A spoilt, get to the top of Sandia Peak (10,600 feet) and it’s cold, rain showers and hidden by cloud. Walk abandoned. Plan B, walk in
the sunshine in Elena Gallegos Park 4,000 feet below Sandia Peak. Barely 2 miles but at least we get some exercise.
First snow fall on Jupiter and it’s only August – exciting
As we’ve got a car we’re off out for the day.
Drive out over Guardsmen Pass and then down into Midway – stunning views. Down Provo canyon and turn right up the Alpine Loop road, past Sundance ski resort and around the Timpanogos. Take a slight detour down to Cascade Springs, then back onto Alpine Loop road for more stunning views and eventually get to the visitors centre at Timpanogos cave. All free as our National Park pass – America The Beautiful – covers us.
Have a shifty around the small visitors centre at the caves, lunch in the car and then a short nature trail down to a swing bridge that doesn’t swing.
Then drive to Little Cottonwood canyon. Call off at Snowbird. Honestly I had no idea there was a Oktoberfest
Timpanogos
on – see rant below. Then onto Alta but alas no where “nice” for afternoon tea / coffee, so Wendy dips out.
Drive up to Big Cottonwood canyon past Solitude – still as empty as ever – and then back over the spectacular Guardsmen pass and back home.
A 6 hour drive but some spectacular scenery and worth it.
More wisdom from George Carlin:
Crystal springs
Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and He needs money.
The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.
Has the World gone completely mad or is it just Utah.
Gentle nature walk in the Timpanogos
We call in at the Oktoberfest at Snowbird. My eyes light up and I’m orgasmic at the thought of it, already drooling like a geriatric boxer dog.
1st – we need to see ID to buy a drink. For Chiones sake whatever happened to common sense. Flattering as it may be to think that I look under 21 it’s just as crazy as believing the sun isn’t real because it got dark last night.
2nd – how can you sell Bud and other American pinkle waters at a beer festival. It’s a complete violation of any trade description laws they may have over here.
3rd – I remember I’m driving and Wendy’s not insured on this Enterprise mobile. Not too bad as they’re mainly what I’d call perverted beers rather than any proper German brews, so I’m not too devastated. Then we encounter one stall selling Hofbrau – the only decent beer in the whole place. In bottles too! Now I’m excited, nay orgasmic. A couple of them to take home will do me just fine. Oh no! Not allowed to sell bottles to take home / out, Utah laws. Have to open the bottles and drink it here. Ironic isn’t it there’s all these people drinking, and judging by the number of cars driving, yet, I’m for zero tolerance to drink driving and I can’t take even a single bottle home. Moronic when you really think about it.
Drink coke or Dr Peppers out of a 52 ounce plastic cup.
Have a giant gas barbecue. Use it every time the sun comes out and to boil the kettle on.
Be able to say that all important American phrase like “Go f..k yourselves” with gusto and meaning.
Treat Stop signs with reverence and ignore any rules of the road on roundabouts.
Join the NRA and make no jokes or derogatory remarks about them or guns or the 2nd – after all look what happened to Piers Morgan.
More GC:
Obviously problem – people in Salt Lake mow their lawns and then bring their cutting all the way unto the Timpanogos to dispose of them.
The Civil War. Now there is another phrase I dearly love. That is a true oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one: “Civil War.” Do you think anybody in this country could ever really have a civil war? “Say, pardon me?” (shoots gun) “I’m awfully sorry. Awfully sorry.”
So maybe it’s not the politicians who suck; maybe it’s something else. Like the public. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: “The public sucks. Elect me.” Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? Where are these people hiding? The truth is, we don’t have people like that. Everyone’s at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. And complaining about the politicians.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
I don’t like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: “Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, ‘There is no “I” in team.’ What you should tell them is, ‘Maybe not. But there is an “I” in independence, individuality and integrity.’” Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. If they say, “We’re the So-and-Sos,” take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it’s unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don’t participate; it will be your death. And if they tell you you’re not a team player, congratulate them on being observant.
In the latest blow for free speech, the government of the southern Indian state of Karnataka has passed
Snowbird Oktoberfest
legislation that makes it illegal to upload, share, or like content with a view to hurt religious sentiments knowingly or unknowingly.
Back in June, Karnataka police warned citizens about the type of things that were covered by the Information Technology Act:
Citizens are warned not to upload, modify, resend (forward) and like (share) malicious or misleading images, videos and messages through any medium with a view to hurt religious sentiments knowingly or unknowingly. Citizens are encouraged to inform the Police Control Room at…
Tuesday – warm and sunny.
American pinkle water at Snowbird Oktoberfest
Why do the top of my legs feel like they’ve been through a mangle. A mere 1 mile and 1,100 feet yesterday. I thought I was fit.
Must be the walk down. Steep and constant braking to avoid those edges.
Run around day. Wendy’s packing and I’m doing last minute tasks; storing bikes and chairs; returning faulty hiking boots.
Now that’s another thing we so love about America. My new hiking boots had a nobble drop off the sole. Only had them 3 months so I take them back. In typical British fashion I’m all ready with the arguments and have Kurt’s phone number on seed dial ready for a court case.
But no it’s so simple. Guy apologises. I can have money back or replacement, no problem. Drops peg legged on the floor. Admits that they’ve had the odd problem with these and recommends a replacement with a vibram sole. Mine were $80, vibrams are $120. Play the destitute pensioner card. He offers a deal at $96. Hmm… and argh, try them on. “Go on then, I’ll pay the extra $16”. Guy “No go on you can have them as a straight swop”.
What cracking service and a $120 pair of hiking boots for only $80. Impressed.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10154559048370249
Drop of the Enterprise car, a nice Suburu Outback, less than half the price of a Hertz mobile. Enterprise drop me off at hertz to pick up my car. Hertz are twice the cost of Enterprise but they have no one way fee. No one there at hertz they’ve had a power cut. Have to chase them up. Another nail in their coffin.
Snowbird Oktoberfest
In the evening we pop round to Rick and Lynda’s to drop off concert chairs and coolbox. No time to stop for a drink with them as we’re off to Todd and Nancy’s for drinks. They live in a gorgeous place up in Deer Valley. And when I say up I do mean it, need the oxygen masks. Have a lovely evening, they’re so easy to get on with it’s as if you’ve known them for ever.
Must say it’s a real American trait this friendliness and openness. So easy to make friends, a much more friendly and caring society.
More GC:
Timpanogos cave – Hal at the top
Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren’t they? They’re all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you’re born, you’re on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don’t want to know about you. They don’t want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you’re preborn, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.
I don’t understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal. F..king is legal. Why isn’t selling f..king legal? You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away? I can’t follow the logic on that one at all! Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. In the army they give you a medal for spraying napalm on people. In civilian life you go to jail for giving someone an orgasm.
There are over seventeen thousand golf courses in America, they average over one hundred and fifty acres a piece. That’s three million plus acres, four thousand, eight hundred and twenty square miles. You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist, there’s another thing; the only blacks you’ll find at country clubs are carrying trays. And a boring game. A boring game for boring people. You ever watch golf on television? It’s like watching flies f..k!
Visit Comcast store – abandon hope all yea who enter here.
Inside Timpanogos cave
Me: “How do I terminate my Comcast account?”
Bimbo: “I don’t understand your question. What’s your address?”
Me: “Well how’s my address going to help is there some psychic mind reading artificial intelligence in your address database? Or am I speaking a foreign language and there’s a translation service in your address database?”
Bimbo: Look of total confusion and despair.
Me: “Look. Let’s try another way. How do of cancel my account? On the basis it took 4 days to set up I’m anticipating a major traumatic experience. Can I just bring my equipment in and jobs a good un?”
Bimbo: “Yes that’s all you need to do.”
Terminate obviously no longer a word in the English language or is it just another product of Utahs education system?
Wednesday – warm and cloudy. A fitting day to be leaving.
Inside Timpanogos cave
We leave today. Sad, but we’ll be back.
Finish off last minute packing. Gird me loins and return equipment to Comcast. Amazingly turns out easy. 4 nightmarish days to get set up and 4 minutes to terminate, sorry cancel. Seem to have got it wrong somehow.
Go round to Carol and Hal’s for lunch and to drop off two black bags of winter gear. Our bikes and skis are in the garage at our winter 2015 home. Say our sad goodbyes. They’ve been such good friends and we’ve had great times with them.
Then it’s off down to Salt Lake airport in our luxury Chevy Impala from Mr Hertz. Mind you the way they’re shaping up these days I think I’ll be using Enterprise more in future. Fewer problems and half the price.
Packing ready for home.
Drop heavy luggage off with Sky Captain. Yes you have to tip but no queue and they’re less picky about the weight, the dollar rules.
Abandon hope all yea. TSA pre-checked so at least we kept our underwear on. No lounge and not a decent sandwich to be seen, looks like we’ll starve. I’d rather hand out bacon butties to the taliban than suffer Delta’s food.
In cattle class, so it’s two sleeping tablets, a few glasses of red and I’ll be asleep like a log. Cheaper solution than business class.
Timpanogos cave – view towards Salt Lake.
Good news on these sleeping tablets apparently there have been reports of people doing things while they are asleep after taking this medicine that they do not remember when they wake up. These include sleepwalking, ‘sleep-driving’, making phone calls and preparing and eating food. These events may be more likely if you drink alcohol.
“Preparing food”, that’ll be a novel first for me.
Fear not Wendy’s promised to pinch me awake if I suddenly make a somambulant dash for the on board galley.
On board and this geezers rattling away in French. Looks like we’re going to Paris. Meanwhile for our entertainment we get to see the spatially unaware numpties try to get their giant oversized travel trunks into the handbag sized overhead lockers. For Chione’s sake it’s not a Tardis on there.
More GC:
And you might have noticed something else. The sanctity of life doesn’t seem to apply to cancer cells, does
Timpanogos cave.
it? You rarely see a bumper sticker that says: “Save the tumors.” Or “I brake for advanced melanoma.” No, viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, E. Coli bacteria, the crabs. Nothing sacred about those things. So at best the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. We get to choose which forms of life we feel are sacred, and we get to kill the rest. Pretty neat deal, huh? You know how we got it? We made the whole fucking thing up!
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
Here’s some bumper stickers I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.” “We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers’ attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters.” “We have a daughter in public school who hasn’t been knocked up yet.” “We have a son in public school who hasn’t shot any of his classmates yet. But he does sell drugs to your honor student. Plus he knocked up your daughter.” “We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus.”
Well it’s airport day today so I thought this rant from George Carlin might help set the tone for the day:
Timpanogos cave – frightening views.
The British cleric suspected of radicalizing dozens of Islamic State recruits, including the man believed to have beheaded American journalist James Foley, called jihadists “noble,” and predicted Shariah law will soon rule the West.
Anjem Choudary, whose extremist group Islam 4 UK was banned under a terrorism crackdown, praised Britons who have traveled to Syria and Iraq to fight for Islamic State and said he hopes Shariah Law takes hold in the United Kingdom in an interview with FoxNews.com.
“If Muslims go anywhere in the world to defend their brethren, this is a good thing. Of course it should be permitted to go and fight,” said Choudary. “Anyone who goes and stands alongside them [the fighters in Iraq] is noble. In anyone’s book it is the right thing to do.”
Choudary, 47, denied motivating the Islamic State member known as “Jihad John,” and suspected of beheading Foley, to join the group and even suggested video of the gruesome act, released on Aug. 19, was fake.
British Prime Minister David Cameron has called Choudary “one of those people who needs to be looked at seriously in terms of the legality of what he’s saying because he strays, I think, extremely close to the line of encouraging hatred, extremism and violence.”
So why is he stilling living here on our benefits system? Grow some gonads and kick him out.
Thursday – hot and sunny.
All flights were good and on time. Think the long overnight to Paris and then a 90 minutes to Manchester works better than the Salt Lake to Atlanta then Atlanta to Manchester. Arrive home mid afternoon but that’s no bad thing as you have less time to stay awake.
Well the sleeping tablets and red wine regime worked. 5 hours good solid sleep nothing disturbed me. Can’t remember eating my dinner, it’s a complete blank, and Wendy says I was rambling away to myself much to her annoyance. Good news is I didn’t try and do any cooking.
Devastated, apparently I’ve lost one of those dam flight socks whilst I was in my rambling coma. Oh dear, how sad. I’ll have to take agues next time as to which legs going to get the DVT.
Well it’s 6 weeks at home now. Mustn’t comment on the weather here in Belthorn or complain or else my minder won’t feed me.
GC again:
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Rights aren’t rights if someone can take them away. They’re privileges. That’s all we’ve ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. You see all, sooner or later. Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government does not give a f..k about them! The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. It simply does not give a f.k about you! It’s interested in its own power. That’s the only thing. Keeping it and expanding it wherever possible.
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
When it comes to God’s existence, I’m not an atheist and I’m not an agnostic. I’m an acrostic: the whole thing puzzles me.
The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice.
Now we know why the Terrorist threat alert has been raised to severe:
The terrorist group al-Qaeda has published a manual in which it encourages followers to bomb British targets including Sandhurst, the MI5 headquarters and high profile department stores.
The media arm of al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) this week published a nine-page how-to guide in its English-language magazine on making car bombs and suggests terror targets in the UK and the US.
The publication suggests jihadists target the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst, Thames House in London and department stores during Friday prayers, so as to avoid harming Muslims.
Walt’s house in Breaking Bad.
Walt’s house – now.
Car Wash in Breaking Bad.
Car Wash – now.
Let’s Call Saul office in Breaking Bad.
Let’s Call Saul office – now
Los Pollos restaurant in Breaking Bad.
Los Pollos restaurant – now.
Crossroads Motel in Breaking Bad.
Crossroads Motel – now, minus classy broad.
