Wednesday – warm and cloudy with the possibility of some snow – we hope.
View from above the clouds at Park City.
Looks like there was an inch of snow overnight, so although it’s almost a whiteout with the clouds there’s a nice smattering of powder on top. Makes for pleasant skiing. Still praying to Chione for more.
Meet Carol at the Snow Hut and have a good mornings skiing with her.
Wendy’s working at the hospital today so it’s going to be a hospital restaurant tea tonight.
Booked most of our summer trip. We’ve a week at our caravan in the Loire Valley; drive over to Italy via Geneva; a hosted home exchange in Verona (never done a hosted exchange so we’re both a little nervous, but will give it a try); then a VRBO in the Tuscan country side just outside Florence; a VRBO in Padua, so hopefully get a few days in Venice; back to caravan in Loire up the coast of Italy (still got to plan that).
Looking for VRBO or home Exchanges can be a nightmare. It never ceases to amaze me how stupid people are when advertising their properties. The really stupid ones don’t bother with any photos; those that show you the inside of their property just after a bombs hit it and in serious need of tidying up and removing cast off socks and underwear; finally you have those that have 36 photos of everything from a garden tap, to a staircase, fields and their town, but not a clue as to what the inside of their property looks like. Makes you wonder whether they’re truly so dim witted or just trying to hide something.
One of the predominant Italian themes seems to be having a crappy, uncomfortable looking settee in a lounge, covered by a tatty shell shocked blanket, but so uncomfortable that there’s no chance you’d fall asleep, even through East Enders after a full bottle of red wine. Best of all they have an ancient TV, probably built by John Logie Beard himself, and positioned behind the settee so that you need to be an owl with 180 degree head rotation to see it. What planet do these chuckleheads live on.
Thursday – cold and sunny.
Set out skiing at lunch time. 13:00 start my free ski workshop – euphemism for ski lesson, but sounds so much more macho and competent.
Drop my skis of for repair. For the first time ever here, in 12 years, they’ve had a altercation with some rocks. The rock won. Need some deep poly filler and welding.
Benedict Cumberbatch (never heard of him), who appeared in 12 Years a Slave, has called himself an idiot for using the word “coloured” when talking about black actors not getting enough opportunities.
Pathetic. If not coloured, then is black the PC flavour of the month? It certainly seems to be the popular term in the US. What term should we use – non-White, sunburnt, Pantone 426, heat absorbent, spectrum challenged. These Nazi PC storm troopers need to get a grip, at this rate we’ll be running out of PC acceptable words in the English language.
Friday – cold and cloudy. Need the trees or a sprit level to help stay vertical.
Continued skiing after lunch with a guy called George – great days skiing.
Town lift on a typical sunny day.
I’ve had my say on Republicans – the GOP – now it’s the turn of the Democrats. You Might Be A Democrat If…
You’ve ever said, “We really should call the ACLU about this.”
You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
You ever based an argument on the phrase, “But they can afford a tax hike because…”
You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
You can’t talk about foreign policy without using the word conspiracy.
You think Ralph Nader makes a lot of sense.
Quit at lunch time by which time the best of the virgin powder been churned into a haggard old slush.
After lunch Wendy and I take a bus into Main Street to see what all this Sundance fuss is about. Then have a stroll down to Starbucks for a Clover moment – Ethiopian Konga supposedly has the flavours of strawberries and berries, although I can’t taste them it is a flavoursome coffee and leaves a gorgeous after taste. Lash out and buy a packet.
You might be a Democrat if:
You don’t understand why anyone was bothered by Jane’s trip to Hanoi.
You think solar energy is being held back by those greedy oil companies.
You’ve never been mugged.
You actually expect to collect Social Security.
You think the Great Society has actually worked.
You don’t see the similarity between WONK and WANK.
You got teary-eyed during the film “The American President.”
Your house smells like a garbage dump because of your commitment to recycling.
Early morning Mountain Host view from the sunglasses hut meet and greet.
You might be a Democrat if:
You think political patronage describes the Kennedy family.
Your High School Year Book goals included the words “help people.”
You think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese.
You think Carter should be on Mt. Rushmore.
You believe personal injury lawyers when they say they are just trying to defend the little guy.
You know that those profit mongering drug companies could find a cure for AIDS if they really wanted to.
You actually believe the NY Times and Washington Post.
You know at least one Vegan.
You’d rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock.
Monday – snow first thing and then sunny.
Victor does his Mountain Host stint, being helpful and nice to guests.
It’s a centenary celebration day. We’ve had another inch of powder overnight. The flags should be flying, bands playing and we should all be bowing, freezing our tongues to the snow, in worship of Chione – Goddess of Snow – as we’ve now topped the “100 Inches of snow this season mark”.
Met George at the top of Summit for a days skiing. Hal was out too, so he joined us. Two advanced skiers. Try following Hal doing those controlled short radius turns of his and at the same time remembering all Mike (instructors) tips. A real challenge but worth it.
Have a great days skiing until about 14:00. Must have got about 18 runs in.
Sunday was last day of Sundance Film Festival. What a nightmare, bubble heads everywhere, how those bus drivers cope I’ll never know.
Buses were absolute chaos. I came home and just had to have a Victor Meldrew moment to cope with it. Fortunately Wendy found all the episodes of “One Foot in the Grave” on Youtube. I was amazed that they were all available
After two episodes from season one I’ve regained my composure. Awesome, a fantastic cure all.
Now at least the town and the bus service should be back to normal.
You might be a Democrat if:
You think public housing is great, but just NIMBY.
You think the anti-war protestors from ’60s are the real heroes.
You think that Supply Side Economics refers to your dope dealer’s stash.
You think Michael Jackson was a great example of diversity.
You actually think that poverty can be abolished.
You think that Joan Baez had something to say.
You admire the Swedish welfare system.
You think the Flat Tax should be at 95%
You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one can call you homophobic.
After looking at your pay stub you can still say, “America is undertaxed.”
Tuesday – cool and sunny.
A couple of inches fresh snow last night.
Meet the PCMS group for a good days skiing followed by Margaritas in the Baja Cantina. Not for me. Tried one last week and that was enough.
Wendy looks after Angela in the afternoon. iPad games and watching Annie keeps her engrossed. Easily pleased.
Taking down the Christmas tree lights at one of the houses. People pay upwards of $500 per tree to have them decorated.
After the other mornings debacle I can now understand why US healthcare is in crisis. A cast of thousands involved in billing and yet only a few doctors and nurses. Its a totally fragmented screw up. You pay your bills, then find you’ve a debt collector on your back for some blood works done 6 months ago that you’ve never been billed. Ah separate department. Our contracted provider can’t see the amounts involved or bill you. A so called customer service numbskull explains it all to me “it’s all too big and complicated to be dealt with by one department, YOU’LL need to ring the lab, I can’t ring them”. When asked if she really worked in “Customer Services” and could comprehend what those two words meant she hung up. It turns out that the lab did send an invoice to Rydal mount, Park City. I wonder why we didn’t get it? They did have the correct address, I should know as we had to quote it over 4 times in trying to get through to the right department. “Oh I’m sorry sir we can’t email you the invoice, we’re still using quill pens and left over blood for ink”. No email – yes this is the 21st century – and the good old USA still believes it leads the World.
2 bloody hours of frustration to unscramble this. Then to add insult to injury Skype just goes down just as you’re getting the final piece of the jigsaw. Typical SNAFU. Conclusion “the whole World is F..ked up, especially anything involving IT or computers”.
It really is time we introduced Saturday afternoon feeding of the perpetrators of this crazy, senseless, software and marketing driven crap, to the Lions in a local Colosseum. Just think of the benefits. Free entertainment for the masses. No need to pay ludicrous salaries to chuckleheads, who’s brain are so far under developed that they can only kick a ball around and attempt to water the local football pitch by gobbing on it every 38 seconds. Helps with natural selection by weeding out the common senseless. The threat of becoming Lion fodder improves software, customer service and eliminates marketing aimed at our exploitation.
What a fantastic day. I now have 47 hints and tips to work on to improve my skiing. Mainly spread my legs apart (not the sort of advice you give to a daughter) and lean into my boots, weight forward and lean into the fear. And best of all it was all free.
Things Republicans Believe:
Wendy at the bus stop, all excited for her first days skiing.
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
“Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
Thursday – cold and sunny.
I know I skied today, and fell asleep through most of the evenings TV, after a few glasses of wine, but thats about all I can remember.
Oh that was it a lazy start. Up on Temptation for 11:00. Practised all my 47 hints and tips to fix me bad habits. Really difficult keeping legs further apart and leaning forward and into my boots is tormenting some new muscles.
Back home for 15:00. Plumber turns up to fix the heating. As suspected it was a dirty filter stopping the warm air flow and also causing the boiler to overheat (pity it didn’t share any of those excess therms with us) and cut out. Anyway all fixed and now Wendy can fry.
More things Republicans believe:
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle ourlong-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.
Friday – cold and sunny.
Beautiful sun and snow shot.
It’s the start of Sundance Film Festival fortnight. Two weeks of mayhem and chaos with the pretty film people parading around, high heels, “fur coats and no knickers” as we say.
Yeah, they’re going to let me go up with the big boys as a mountain host, rather than just a plaza host, so I did a great mornings training with Todd. Most of it’s fairly straight forward, until you come to having to deal with the radio, but at least I can do a 10-4. Your day as a mountain host starts at 08:00 with briefing and assignments; then onto plaza or meeting points from 08:30 to 10:00 to meet, greet and dish out maps and information; then back to lockers to get kitted up; up onto the mountain to our assigned map, where we answer questions and direct skiers and even snowboarders around the mountain.
Nearly skiwered. Poor thing ran out in front of me, saw me coming. He panicked, didn’t know which way to turn, dashed left, then dashed right, then left again. Just missed him.
Good news is there’s 3 of us assigned to each map, so at any one time there’s someone at the map and someone out skiing. You’re encouraged to take guests on single ski tours. Then there’s breaks for caffeine and lunch. So not all bad and we should get to meet plenty of people and get in some skiing, in between dealing with code Greens (separated children, they’re not lost merely separated) and code 10-50 (accidents, where we summon up mountain patrol, the cavalry, and try and keep the injured guest calm).
After an eventful morning with Todd, meet up with Wendy for her lunch and my dirty chai with two extra shots. Looking forward to my first full day on the mountain
Drop skis and uniform off in our locker and then off to supermarket to lug some essential supplies home.
More things Republicans believe:
HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
Park City sunset.
I encounter my first Sundance bubble head at the bus stop. Conversation goes something like this:
Bubble Headed (BH) young woman – “Does this bus go to Sundance?”.
Me – “Well into goes to Fresh market, ski mountain, main street and then Deer Valley. Where do you want to get to?”
BH – “I’m not sure. I think it’s called something theatre.”
Me – “Well there’s the Egyptian Theatre, etc., etc., PC MARC>”
BH – She’s frantically searching her Android for a glimmer of hope as to where to go. “Yes, I think it may be the MARC.”
Me – “Well whatever you do then don’t catch this bus, just walk 50 yards back down this road to the PC MARC.”
BH – “Before I set off my APP said catch a bus. But I don’t know where to?” She’s still frantically scrolling down her phone hoping for inspiration. “Oh I think it must be Sundance headquarters. I’ve got to meet my publicist.”
Me – Abandon hope and let the bus driver deal with her.
BH – gets on the bus and enters a lengthy discussion with the very patient bus driver. Most of the skiers on the bus would be ready to fall about laughing, if it wasn’t for the fact that this is delaying them getting onto the mountain.
Never mind we’ve two weeks of this, but the good news is most of the Sundance Pretty People don’t ski so it should be quiet on the mountain.
Saturday – cold and sunny.
Deer Valley skiing. Perfect corduroy, luxury lodges and well heeled skiers.
On the slopes with the lazy holiday brigade at 10:00. A few runs; coffee; a few runs. Work on keeping my legs apart (not good advice to any daughters); leaning forward, into my boots; holding poles forward – this one makes me feel, and probably look, like a complete plonker.
Follow up with a Starbucks Clover moment and meet Wendy who’s been down to the outlet stores for some retail therapy. It’d be cheaper if she’d ski.
More things Republicans believe:
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.
You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the ’80s is irrelevant.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
Todays Sundance Bubblehead award goes to the young guy on the bus, who probably wet himself with excitement, as he shouted out “wow there’s that director (name I’d never heard of, but that’s no surprise), his girlfriend tried to dash to the window and wave to her.
Sunday – hot and sunny.
Deer Valley selfie (what a sad doing one of them) by the fire.
Up at 06:00 to catch the 07:30 workers bus; followed by 08:00 Mountain host briefing; 08:30 to 09:45 down at First Time ticket office dolling out advice and grooming reports; then get geared up; 10:30 on the map at top of Silverload until 15:30; slow ski patrol rotation until 16:15; followed by final ski down and help any stragglers.
Quite a good day. Awesome weather. You get to meet and chat to lots of different people, even snowboarders. Get plenty of ski runs in through the day. Even get to take guest on single run ski tours. Pretty good day.
On final run down thought I’d finally got the excitement of a 10-50 (accident) to be called into the ski patrol. Snowboarder was splayed out, but she wouldn’t stay down, managed to struggle to he feet, so didn’t get the excitement of a radio 10-50 call.
More things Republicans believe:
67 percent of Republicans (and 40 percent of Americans overall) believe that Obama is a socialist.
The belief that Obama is a “domestic enemy” is widely held—a sign of trouble yet to come.
57 percent of Republicans (32 percent overall) believe that Obama is a Muslim.
45 percent of Republicans (25 percent overall) agree with the Birthers in their belief that Obama was “not born in the United States and so is not eligible to be president”.
38 percent of Republicans (20 percent overall) say that Obama is “doing many of the things that Hitler did”. Scariest of all, 24 percent of Republicans (14 percent overall) say that Obama “may be the Antichrist.”
Sundance Bubblehead Award goes to the young woman who thrust her iPhone in front of the driver, whilst he was driving of course, and asked to be taken there. Poor guy reminded her he was driving and it was difficult to drive and read – much too polite.
Monday – hot and sunny.
Awesome bluebird day. It’s just like spring skiing. Too hot. A cruelty to snow day. Use our weekly free Deer Valley pass.
Good mornings skiing with Wendy. Did well on her first day. She got 5 runs in and as always she is so much in control, I wish I could be so controlled in my skiing. Amazing how you never forget, just like riding a bike.
Late lunch at Snowpack lodge, except that there’s nothing that Wendy fancies, so it’s just a coffee and home.
More things Republicans believe:
Finally don’t you just love the “Right to lifers”. Against abortion.
ALL LIFE IS SACRED.
But, but they’re ok with the death penalty; nuclear weapons; war and weapons.
Of course they’re against any form of gun control.
Next week it’s the turn of the Democrats.
Mayhem and chaos reigns in town. No wonder the buses are all running late during Sundance, they add extra bus stops to save the poor wee Sundance Bubbleheads from having to walk an extra 20 yards to the normal bus stop.
Tuesday – warm and sunny.
Wendy’s first day out. Note the lack of scumboarders.
Have a lazy start. Another too warm day, not doing the snow any good. Get my 10 runs in, then it’s back home to help out with a trip to the supermarket and better still the liquor store.
In the evening Rick and Lynda come round for dinner, we have a pleasant evening catching up and helping the American wine industry.
Please Chione, bless us with some snow tonight. Hopefully a little more than the half inch forecast.
This town must really think that these Sundance bubble heads have an IQ lower than their shoe size. It seems it needs two lolly pop ladies to help them cross the road without getting run over – do they not realise they’re interfering with natural selection.
At last I have my free season ski pass so can get out on the mountain for 09:00. Sadly Eagle lift is out of operation so no quick way to the top, but hey it’s just awesome to be back and they’ve 20″ fresh snow over the past few days.
By 10:30 I’ ready for my usual coffee break by the log fire in the Snow Hut. Sadly the fires not yet lit, but this mornings entertainment is watching an imbecile try to light a fire. 1st chop wood with an axe the size of a Swiss Army knife – an abject failure. Next pile wood in fireplace and the put paper on top. Light paper, scratch head, pick nose as he wonders why it goes out. Now he’s burnt himself.
Back out skiing and get my 10 runs in before lunch.
After lunch go down to the Outlets centre and manage to get a five mile walk in.
In the evening fall asleep watching Broadchurch. Nothing at all to do with the wine, it’s all down to all that fresh air and exercise.
The government is committed to spending 0.7 per cent of GDP on overseas aid, an essentially arbitrary figure that means the aid budget rises as the economy grows. In trying to meet this target, civil servants are spending vast sums of public money with no assurance of serving either the world’s poorest people or the interests of taxpayers.
They, the loony politicians, should be tarred and feathered for such lunacy. Money to countries with rampant corruption; nuclear weapons programmes; space programmes; support of terrorists; blatant attacks on our way of life. Charity begins at home. To add insult to stupidity its money we don’t even have.
Thursday – cool and sunny.
Now I’m 65 I get a free ski pass for the White Pines cross country course. How wonderful is that. One of the few benefits of retirement.
In the morning have a Classic Cross Country ski lesson booked with the Park City Mountain Sports Club up at White Pines. Get a 1 hour lesson and then do the 3Km loop. Unlike Skate this is a tad less strenuous and I survive without feeling wetter than a water hogs back side and feeling powfagged.
Meet Wendy for a Starbucks.
States we have visited so far:
Friday – cool and sunny.
Meet up with Heidi (she bought the place we stayed at last year) at 10:00 for a mornings skiing.
Then we meet up with Wendy for lunch.
You know you’re a local when the bus drivers know your name and give you a hug. For the avoidance of any doubt, and not to tarnish Victors reputation, the hugging bit is confined to Wendy.
Park City – the best bus service ever – and it’s free.
Saturday – warm and sunny.
Waiting for the bus.
Wendy’s doing her first full day as a Plaza Host so she’s out on the 07:30 bus for the 08:00 Host meeting and then has a full day on the Plaza and in rentals.
I’ve managed to swop my first duty so I can do the Mountain Guide Training session with the National Ability Centre (NAC). Spend most of the day in a classroom, but manage an hour on the slopes when we’re put through our paces and checked out that we can really ski. Part of it means giving up your ski poles and skiing without them. Then at the end of the day there’s a short, easy test and hey presto your qualified to take disabled skiers, who are capable of skiing independently, on a mountain tour. Should be fun. The NAC does an awesome job with disabled skiers and even snow boarders of all ability. It’s a credit to them and totally appropriate that they are called the National “Ability” Centre.
I’ll still be doing some volunteering, as I did last year, assisting an instructor.
On a good day you may see Wendy or even me on the plaza being helpful and nice to people, even snowboarders:
Lunch with the worker (Wendy). Managed to slip another 5 runs in. Awesome day. This truly is paradise.
Then had a walk into town to Chubasco to pick up a Burrito for me tea. My favourite.
Monday – cold and sunny.
Snow outside our condo.
Just another ski day. Start at Eagle as usual. Thankfully it’s started running.
Tuesday – cold and sunny.
Up at Eagle lift for 09:00 for an early start. Snow is still pretty good.
Met the Park City Mountain Sports ski group at 10:45 and skied with them until margarita time in the Baja Cantina. Wendy came up and joined us. Violated my first law and had my first margarita – probably my last.
As if I would!
An Obituary printed in the London Times:
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
– Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
– Why the early bird gets the worm;
– Life isn’t always fair;
– And maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Hmmm… Some of the Black Diamonds remind me of this. My nemesis this season is going to be Erika’s Gold and Blue Slip bowl.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death,
-by his parents, Truth and Trust,
-by his wife, Discretion,
-by his daughter, Responsibility,
-and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;
– I Know My Rights
– I Want It Now
– Someone Else Is To Blame
– I’m A Victim
– Pay me for Doing Nothing
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
We’re on our way. Wendy just has a we snifter to wash her tablets down.
Well we finally get to escape again. Back “home”, paradise, Park City, for 3 months skiing. My only proper holiday.
I’m not going to say much about the journey. Just fairly typical, 24 hours of misery. Complete with the usual crap from the TSA brigade. However one amazing event, we got through immigration pretty quickly, in fact so quick we then had to wait for our luggage. Wow that’s first. But then the TSA made up for it with their inordinately long queue to screen us yet again even though we’d been done in Manchester and remained airside all that time. Riddle me that!
Our home for the next 3 months – lounge.
As this is our 11th year in Park City I think this blog is going to be a tad sparse on photos. It’s mainly a reminder for us of what we did, ready for our dotage. However, rants and corny jokes will not be sacrificed. There’s still plenty of lunacy in the World. Another change is that I will only publish once a week.
Just love airline food hot chicken and cheese roll. Cheese is so hot, it’s like napalm on the tongue.
Thursday – too warm (50F) and sunny.
Lounge – and yes we do have a TV.
It’s like a glorious spring day here. Too warm for a ski resort in January. Snows a bit sparse so we can ill afford it to be melting. There’s only a 44″ base and they’ve had 73″ snow so far this year.
Up at crack of sparrows. Lavish American breakfast at Squatters. Unpack and sort out. Pick up a free Dirty Chai (scanner is kaput) at Starbucks and Earl Grey for Wendy. Then off for some excitement down at Costco followed by an adrenaline top up at Fresh Market. I manage to escape to Starbucks. Nip around to Carols for afternoon tea and pick up our ski clothes and importantly our ski boots. Our bikes and skis were waiting for us in our garage.
Dinning room and kitchen.
Sadly we don’t receive our winter hosting training until Tuesday, so will have to wait until then for our free season pass.
Friday – warm and sunny again.
I drove up to the plaza. Checked in at the National Ability Centre for volunteering and had a pleasant Dirty Chai. I blame that Eva for introducing me to them.
After lunch we finish off some minor shopping.
Main bedroom, complete with log fire and balcony.
In the evening drop the Hertz mobile off. I go down to the Spur Bar to meet up with the Park City Mountain Sports club and hopefully join. First encounter really worries me. Ask two actual members, if they can point out group leader. They don’t seem to realise they are members of PCMSC, but just think it’s an old folks club. Average age does seem to be mid 50’s. Are they all senile and in their dotage like these two who look like the two old geezers from the Muppet show. Should I really be joining. I’m too young!
View from 2nd bedroom over the tennis courts, with mountains in the background.
$25 to join and they have lots of ski trips, training and social evenings which sensibly seem to revolve around bars, plenty of Apres Ski and Margaritas. Give it a go.
Now this is something we do need to take seriously.
2nd bedroom with very sunny balcony.
Professor Hawking warned in December that the development of advanced artificial intelligence “could spell the end of the human race”. 100’s of eminent scientists have signed a letter, warning governments that artificial intelligence was “potentially more dangerous than nukes”.
The singularity (when AI exceeds human intelligence) is predicted to be 2029. From then on the machines will be capable of taking over.
Saturday – cold and cloudy. Snow forecast overnight.
As I don’t have my free ski pass I go on the PCMS Club Cross Country Skate skiing course. Real good value. The savings recover the cost of my annual membership.
Wendy’s still not so good. Suffering with catarrh, so she has a restful day in.
Sunday – grey and cloudy.
Christmas lights on a house at the top of our drive. Puts the Griswolds to shame. They must have their own nuclear power station. Awesome.
A measly inch of snow overnight, but all great fully received.
Lazy day in as there’s no NAC requirements. By mid afternoon I’ve completed Einsteins Autobiography – a tad disappointing – made a start on 1776 and am ready to climb the walls. Go to a Yoga session at the gym, it’s just 5 minutes away.
At the bus stop, just 3 minutes away and free transport.
You never see any blobbies doing Yoga, they’re always lithe young things that can bend like pretzels, balanced on one leg. It’s quite an intense session, half of the positions I’ve never done. Quite difficult as I’m skulking on the back row so can hardly hear the complex instructions and my glasses keep falling off so can hardly see. To make matters worse it’s a 90 minute session. Cream crackered by the end of it.
As the Charlie Hebdo massacre settles down in the news I see it’s time for the loony liberal do gooders to slither out of their ivory towers with their usual rhetoric and blame. Yes, it’s nothing to do with fundamentalist islamic nutters. Oh no, as the sound of gunfire fades in France, a nation that cherishes equality must ponder the gap between its ideals and reality. It’s all the French governments fault apparently
Monday – snows all day, thank Chione.
Lazy morning. Then in the afternoon we can’t resist going out in the snow to do some none essential shopping.
Waiting for the bus. 20″ new snow and multiple rainbows.
I see that media is now blaming “US PENSIONERS” for the crisis in social care and the NHS. Of course it’s nothing what soever to do with a new NHS helpline and GP’s no longer having to provide out of hours cover. Obviously not enough of “us pensioners” are swanning around on cruises. Perhaps the government should provide long term cruises on the NHS, to relieve the pressure on the NHS and social services.
Tuesday – cold (what do you expect it’s a ski resort) and sunny.
Training day. Up to PCMR to receive our mountain host training. Most of it’s quite simple until it comes to the radio’s, complete with 10-20, 10-17 code green resolved, 10-blue, but at least I finally get to say 10-4. This is going to take some getting used to. Get our ski uniform, hats, inner jacket, outer jacket and trousers all by Helly Hensen – quality gear – mind you we’ll need it out there in a howling blizzard. Best of all we each get our free season ski pass (that’s saved us $800 each), on top of which we get a free pass each week for Deer Valley and one for Brighton; 50% off food and drinks; best of all free ski lessons; some discounted guest passes.
Well won’t be sitting on the balcony this morning. There’s these bloody big vultures on the balconies and roofs. If I nod off I’ll have no eyes left and if one of them poops on you then I’ll drown.
Drive up to Dallas, 270 miles. On the way we keep seeing these announcements on the traffic alert information system about a silver alert. What the hell is a silver alert? Well, a Silver Alert is a public notification system in the United States to broadcast information about missing persons – especially senior citizens with Alzheimer’s disease, dementia or other mental disabilities – in order to aid in their recovery. Could be our claim to fame anytime soon!
Drinks with my hero. Sneaky’s best.
Visit Southfork Ranch. Sadly a must see, having been ardent Dallas fans and never missed an episode.
It’s much smaller than we imagined and as you would expect with any TV production they never actually filmed inside the ranch. But an interesting tour, even if we did feel like a couple of sado’s.
I’m dizzy. Feeling like the proverbial goldfish, I’m sure I’ve just been under this bridge before, before, before! What warped individual dreamed this up. It’s fine if you get on the right one but may Chione help you if you’re on the wrong one. I think the best solution is to dump the car on one of these flyovers and abseil down.
Relaxing by the fire at Southfork.
Despite it’s location (it’ll never win an award for views from window), it’s quiet, clean, well kitted out, modern, good breakfast and our suite has two rooms (Comfort Suite), wet bar, TV’s galore and all for $75 a night – £48. How’s that for value.
Gird me loins and drive out to an Olive Garden for Dinner. Mediocre. Memo to self don’t bother with Olive Garden again. Stick to homemade Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo because most of the other menu items at the Olive Garden are mediocre.
X marks the spot as seen from the Dallas School Book Depository window.
Dallas:
It’s illegal to possess realistic dildos.
El Paso:
Churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons “of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them.”
Houston:
Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.
It is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
Galveston:
It is illegal to drive a motor car down Broadway before noon on Sundays.
Jasper:
Dogs must be on a leash at ALL times. Fine of 100 dollars.
LeFors:
It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing.
Tuesday – hot and sunny.
The famous grassy knoll.
Catch to DART into Dallas, so much better than risking the Interstate mayhem and only $5 for free transport all day.
Earwigging on a conversation from two rough looking dudes, with feet on the seats, is nigh impossible. They may well be speaking some form of English but their Texan drawl is so bad I can just about make out “Y’all” and “f.ck”. I resist the temptation to ask the scrots to remove their feet, as does the ticket inspector, self preservation, and fear of being another gun statistic is sometimes the better part of good citizenship.
Bronze statues in Pioneer park of a roundup – 49 bronze steers and 3 trail riders.
First stop is the Kennedy assassination tour at the 6th Floor of the Dallas School Book depository at Dealey Plaza. Quite an interesting, if somewhat sad, museum. Gives you a good grounding in the events of that day. Pass on a tour of Oswalds Home, how sad can you get.
Of course there’s load of conspiracy theories as to who killed him, from the mob, KGB, Castro, to the CIA. But I think I’ve hit on the truth. It was the Dallas Tourist office, more specifically their Marketing Department (remember my theory, marketing departments are responsible for a lot of the evil in the World), that had him shot. Why? Well Dallas lacked any real tourist attractions prior to his assassination and needed a boost, this was a sure fired way to drum up some tourists. This along with visiting Southfork’s all sad really.
Pioneer Park.
Then we have a walking tour of Dallas. Really is the best way to see a city.
After lunch we go to the Bush Library – 2nd Bush that is. It’s more than a library. A very interesting museum. Very plush and with more staff than visitors but well worth it and much better than expected. They have a full sized,exact replica of the Oval Office and you allowed to sit and photograph to your hearts content.
All go in Oval Office, just signed off on that spelling mistake on the 2nd – “bear arms” becomes “bare arms”. Just think how much death, injury and heartache that can thwart.
Next change to get rid of those Southern State Blue laws and their infringement on the 1st Amendment. Then we can buy bear and wine on a Sunday.
A good old fashioned trolley bus in downtown Dallas and it’s free.
Overall gave me a better perception of Bush, but then we learn of his “complicity” in the CIA torture so called scandal. I bet the terrorist are having such a good belly laugh that the explosives are dropping out their bomb vests. What price safety? Do the ends justify the means when fighting such a vile terrorist ideology? And what about the blame that descends on government / CIA when they do nothing?
Just hanging on for the IT help desk in Mumbai who are trying to identify my account.
Lubbock County:
It is illegal to drive within an arm’s length of alcohol – including alcohol in someone else’s blood stream.
Mesquite:
It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
Port Arthur:
Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator.
Richardson:
It is now illegal to place a “for sale” sign on a car if it visible from the street.
It is illegal to do “U Turns”.
San Antonio :
It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.
It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
Temple:
No one may ride a horse and buggy through the town square.
You can ride your horse in the saloon.
Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot.
Texarkana:
Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights.
Wednesday – hot and sunny.
Our new home exchange. Just waiting for afternoon tea and biscuits in the Oval office.
After breakfast we drive over to the Stockyards at Fort worth. Have a browse around and watch the twice daily cattle drive. Those long horns look pretty terrifying but I imagine they could do their stunt without the need of cowboys.
Then drive down into Fort Worth to see the Water Gardens. They’re amazing and you can walk down into them – a tad unnerving.
Avoid the Interstate on our trip back and get to see more of small town Texas and more Traffic lights than Talibans at a stoning.
Round up time at Fort Worth. Poor old Rowdy Yates looks a tad worse for wear. Please mind the paintwork on my car. Real cattle this time no bronze statues.
Drive through the dead centre of Texas, Hamilton. Well judging by the size of the graveyard, in relation to the size of the town it must be. Why, you’d think the whole of Texas is buried here.
The water cauldron at Fort Worth Water Garden.
Then just as we near home, both desperate for the toilet, disaster strikes. Yes, we get the dreaded school bus in front of us. That’s it we’re doomed for a 10 minute journey to take an hour as we stop and watch rug rats with phones glued to their ears saunter across the road like a puppy with zero street smarts, totally unaware of the traffic.
Into the cauldron.
The NRA must be in the Guiness Book of Records for the most powerful lobbying organisation in the World. But is anybody aware of who the 2nd most powerful is? Well my moneys on the Traffic Light Manufacturers of America. Every 10 yards in most town there’s one, purposely designed to slow you down.
Oh and whilst I’m on about my “favourite” organisation of death and destruction (NRA) it’s good to know that they’ve even had the power to ban the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) from advocating or promoting gun control or researching the use and abuse of firearms. The ban was later extended to all research funded by the Department of Health and Human Services. What are they afraid of? Someone might uncover the truth.
Thursday – grey, cloudy and fine rain, just like Belthorn except it’s warm.
Texas State Capitol building. Being Texas it just happens to be 18 feet taller than the one in Washington.
Drive down to Austin. As it’s raining we down the free Texas State Capital tour. Very impressive and like everything it’s big. In fact it’s even 14 feet taller than the Capital building in Washington – well it would have to be.
Typical Visitors centre starts off with good signs for parking and then totally screwed up. Typical response when you try and provide positive feedback on it. “Yes, we know but nobody does anything about it. You know what it’s like. You can fill in a comments cards but no one listens, especially to us”. Strikes me a few brown envelopes are needed.
Lunch in Texas Capitol building after free tour. Why is it full of pubescent geeks in suits and ties?
Done step on the Lone Star.
Having done the cultural / political thing this morning, now Wendy’s doing what all self respecting Americans do, she’s marauding the Mall. Fortunately I’ve found a small haven of sanity with a dirty chai and two extra shots. Relax a dirty Chai is not some unwashed Mexican hooker. At a Starbucks of course. This is now my favourite Starbucks tipple, so much better with Soy milk (how trendy and tree hugging is that) than non-fat. When that’s finished there’s an Apple Store to go play in.
So we’re in Dillards. In fact we’re the only ones in there. More “salesgirls” than ????? You’d think then swoop down on you like a vulture on a dead possum. But no much better to stay as far away as possible an sup their water. You almost have to beg them to assist.
Wendy finally finds some Missy style jeans. Buys two pair. Credit card has magnetic hysteresis fit.
What’s the real difference between a Yankee Zoo and a Texas Zoo?
On the cage, a Yankee Zoo will have the name of the animal and then the scientific name in Latin.
Whereas, a Texas Zoo will have the name of the animal and the recipe…..!
Friday – hot and sunny.
Who won?
Weathers back to normal.
Lazy morning, enjoying this laid back place.
Then after lunch we have a stroll around Horseshoe bay and the awesome Japanese gardens. Very quiet here. Hardly anyone around. Very relaxing I’m starting to feel comatose.
When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.
It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don’t need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
Saturday – hot and sunny.
Texas White House home of LBJ.
Lazy morning as usual.
Lunchtime we drive down to the L B Johnson National Historic Park to see his ranch and the Texas White House. As with all NP places there’s an interesting film in a magnicent cinema, we’re the only ones in it. Then we have a drive around the ranch. Texas, it’s big. Followed by an interesting guided tour through the Texas White House. Of course being Texas they just had to have their own White House. All interesting. We new very little about LDJ but we’re amazed at how many pieces of legislation he passed. What a difference to today’s president and a moribund congress.
I think I’ll just make a minor change to the 2nd amendment. Just move one letter around so “….bear arms….”, now reads “…bare arms…”. One small step towards sanity and one giant leap for common sense. Tinkering I know but it’s a dam site more change than the current administration seems to be able to achieve.
Porch time on the farm at LBJ ranch.
So why the lone star:
The Texas Flag Code assigns the following symbolism to the colors of the Texas flag: blue stands for loyalty, white for purity, and red for bravery.[6] The code also states that single (lone) star “represents ALL of Texas and stands for our unity as one for God, State, and Country.” The “lone star” is, in fact, an older symbol predating the flag which was used to symbolize Texans’ solidarity in declaring independence from Mexico.[14] It is still seen today as a symbol of Texas’ independent spirit, and gave rise to the state’s official nickname “The Lone Star State”.
Awesome Japanese gardens here in Horseshoe bay.
More Texas nonsense:
It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
It is unlawful for a person to consume an alcoholic beverage while operating a motor vehicle upon a public roadway, if the person is observed doing so by a peace officer.
The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.
Sunday – grey and cloudy.
Waterfall in the gardens here at Horseshoe Bay.
Lazy morning followed by lazy afternoon.
Excitement of the day is a trip to HEB in the afternoon.
Catch Homeland at night, what a humdinger
More nonsense from Texas town ordinances:
Abilene
It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
Austin
Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
Beaumont
Collegiate football is banned at Lamar University.
Borger
It is against the law to throw confetti, rubber balls, feather dusters, whips or quirts (riding crop), and explosive firecrackers of any kind.
Clarendon
It is illegal to dust any public building with a feather duster.
I take a drive down to the Missions. Visit three of them. St Jose is by far the best and most complete. Has a visitors centre, complete with educational video. I wasn’t aware that in the 1600’s Comanches and Apaches were responsible for attacking the small nomadic hunter gatherer tribes that lived in Southern Texas – a forerunner of what the white Europeans were about to do to them 200 years later.
Then had a free, that lovely word again, tour around the Mission St Jose. Docent volunteer was very informative.
An interesting and eye opening afternoon.
Sorry I know it’s Texas and the NRA, plus every gun psycho in Walmart will have a hard on to shoot this Brit espousing anti gun / 2nd / NRA sedition, but I just couldn’t resist including this:
It just wouldn’t be Christmas without an advent calendar.
San Jose Mission church.
When I pack the car prior to leaving San Antonio I’m sweating like a $2 hoar in a church. Can’t figure why until I check the weather forecast – 100% humidity – it’s so humid you could sweat 150 pounds of fat off a 125-pound hog.
What exactly does 100% humidity mean? Well a reading of 100 percent relative humidity means that the air is totally saturated with water vapor and cannot hold any more, creating the possibility of rain. If the air is at 100-percent relative humidity, sweat will not evaporate into the air. As a result, we feel much hotter than the actual temperature when the relative humidity is high.
Leave San Antonio, after a panic trying to find my sunglasses. Hiding on the car seat suitably camouflaged in a black case on a black seat – it’s a dam age thing.
Open plan lounge, dining, kitchen and balcony in our new home for the next two weeks.
Drive back up to Horseshoe Bay, in Texas Hill Country. Our new home for the next two weeks – see pictures.
It’s 42F on arrival. Colder than a pocket full of day old penguin shit. Let’s hope it warms up a bit, the weather that is, and not the penguin shit.
After lunch we do the supermarket thing. I make the big mistake of going with Wendy, alas no Starbucks. After choosing some wine what is there left to do? There we are meandering around, a couple of paltry things, like itinerant beach bums in shorts. Locals all muffled up for winter.
Master bedroom.
Watch Question time. You’d think I’d have more sense. Good to hear that the Cameron geezer’s finally realised that translating into different languages does not encourage immigrants to learn English. One major strike for common sense. Forget that, they now spend the money teaching English to new immigrants.
Will they ever learn? It’s oh so simple. You want to come and live in England, then learning English is your problem at your expense. “No speakee English”, then don’t come. Pots for rags in a country run by senseless politicians whose brains have dropped out and liberal PC stormtroopers.
Tuesday – cool and cloudy.
Another balcony leading off the 2nd bedroom and onto the boat dock. You can never have to many balconies.
Wendy’s still not feeling too good, so she stays in knitting. To be fair it’s a very low cost past time as she knits, unwinds it, and knits again. Saves a fortune on wool. I spend the morning doing the nerdy thing and improving SEO on my web site – exciting stuff.
After lunch I take a stroll around the estate and up to the Marriott hotel which has some awesome Palm Trail Gardens and a gorgeous Japanese garden – all very mature.
2nd bedroom.
Sign on a local restaurant – “Burgers . comfort food . BBQ . beer”. Comfort Food, along with the giant buckets of ice cream in the super markets, and no wonder America has an obesity problem.
Master balcony with all American Barbecue hidden around the corner.
It’s as overcast as Belthorn.
Lazy morning then we have a drive down to Marble Falls and visit Old Town. At least they don’t have the marketing gobbledegook and deceit to call it the historic district. Well that was stimulating. More antique and art shops than ???? How do these places survive? What really amazes me is they’re always over staffed.
Tucker our Home Exchange dog. He’s really smart; opens doors; knocks on doors to come in.
Well we’ve a 380 mile drive down to San Antonio. We start off driving through a dust storm, complete with tumble weed. Any moment now John Wayne will come riding out of the dust. At least it’s Interstate most of the way and a cracking 80 MPH. Even 70 MPH on the side roads but then it is Texas, everything’s bigger. Looked at stopping off somewhere to break the journey up, but there’s nothing but dead cactus, nodding donkeys and road kill between Alpine and San Antonio. Never mind at least we’re heading back to civilisation. A game to keep us both amused is, sixpence to the first one to spot a Starbucks.
Wendy wins the sixpence. And then we know where nearly there. More Starbucks than empty coffee cups littering Blackburn’s “pristine streets”! Call in for a dirty Chai with two extra shots (free). Contributes to making me normal.
Our kitchen.
No doubt Texas has a major problem. It’s just too darn big.
Arrive at lovely hotel. But as we set off to find a sub way we turn left onto the road. Yet again it’s a one way side of a dual carriage way. Yet again completely dark; no indications; not even a sign this time. Fortunately there’s hardly any traffic so we survive. All part of the nightmare of driving at night in a 3rd World country where photons are banned.
Catch up on some TV with awesome 30Mbps wifi.
At last some imagination and smarts applied to the shopping process. Coming soon at Sainsbury, if you can afford to shop there:
At last some smarts applied to shopping.
I see that our politicians are yet again getting to grips with the big important issues of the day:
THE road sign that shows a hunched couple clutching a stick as a warning to drivers to slow down should be banned because it deters employers from giving the over-50s a job, says the government’s tsar for the elderly.
Monday – hot and sunny.
TV Room.
Up for a pathetic breakfast. Being Monday they say they’ve run out of bananas and bacon. Never mind when I come to pay the bill they’ll no doubt understand when I tell them I’ve run out of dollars!
Off down to the Alamo. It’s in the heart of Downtown. Fleeced for parking, but it’s free entry – well done Daughters of the Republic. I think this place must be run by retired TSA staff, they manage to create a queue by trying to sell everyone a photo on entry. Interesting place with a History channel film explaining what it’s all about. Not as impressive as I’d expected, a tad disappointing really. Very busy and they have done a good job of preservation, but I think we’ve been spoilt by all those National Parks. The area around it’s a seedy as Blackpool.
Coffee at Riverside Starbucks and pick up Kurt’s baseball cap from Lids.
Then in the afternoon we drive down to our home exchange for the next 6 days to meet the owners, get acquainted with their dog Tucker and be familiarised with their house.
Burger joint – Red Robin – for tea. Excellent burger. Then try and watch “The Alamo” on Netflix but alas they don’t have it.
Britains cultural problem. More from Pat Condell:
Tuesday – hot and sunny.
Formal dinning room.
Move into our new home exchange for 6 days.
It’s big and very roomy, complete with pool – see pictures.
Get settled in and then off to drop the Hertz mobile off. Wendy follows me, with some serious trepidation on these super highways full of schizophrenic exhaust pipe huggers, who would slaughter their whole family, just to get one car ahead.
Then it’s the weekly shop. Unfortunately we find a Wholefoods.
Main lounge.
We’ve got a VW Passat as part of the exchange. Well next time you see one of them sickening, bragging adverts about German engineering, ponder this. It’s so well engineered you can only see the cruise control – essential in BIG TEXAS – when you’re turning 90 degrees right or left. The rest of the time it’s any bodies guess how to use it, unless of course you lean forward and bend your head in front of the steering wheel – not recommended when surrounded by psychos in metal monsters. Unbelievable and so dangerous.
Why Starbucks can’t spell:
Wednesday – hot and sunny.
Wendy in front of the Alamo.
Drive down to the River Walk. It’s such a pleasant stroll through the Downtown area, with a “few” restaurants. You wouldn’t believe you’re in the heart of a major city. It’s lovely – so reminds me of strolling down a canal path back home, except their’s no rubbish, no shopping trolleys or no road cones in the water. What imaginative use of a natural resource and I’m sure it brings much prosperity to the City.
Have a 5 mile stroll and despite the plethora of restaurants fail to find a Starbucks. Well we do but it’s closed with a scrawled sign on the door “sorry for the inconvenience” – no reason, obviously incompetence.
The Alamo – no John Wayne though.
Peter’s Laws (The Creed of the Sociopathic Obsessive Compulsive)
If anything can go wrong, fix it! (To hell with Murphy!)
When given a choice, take both.
Multiple projects lead to multiple successes.
Start at the top and work your way up.
Do it by the book… but be the author.
When forced to compromise, ask for more.
If you can’t beat them, join them, and then beat them.
If it’s worth doing, it’s got to be done now!
If you can’t win, change the rules.
If you can’t change the rules, then ignore them.
Apology from Pat Condell:
Thursday – hot and sunny.
Wendy models a Davy Crockett hat.
Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.
We drive up to Horseshoe Bay (this is the place we’ll be staying in for our last 2 weeks) for Thanksgiving dinner with Lee and Stuart and some of their friends. Another great American experience and being Texas the Turkeys been pardoned in favour of some hefty steaks – Texas Big – as thick as a Russian female shot-putters thigh. As seems to be mandatory over here, the steaks are cooked on the giant all American Barbecue, outside and of course the domain of the all American male. No 12″ square, one shot, aluminium tray barbecues.
Wendy, well, well, well.
Steaks are followed by the traditional Pumpkin pie and for good measure Apple pie and that cholesterol special, whipped cream. All washed down by various alcoholic beverages.
Have a great afternoon and evening of fun and laughter with new friends.
Stuart with our Texas style Thanksgiving dinner.
More on Peter’s Laws (The Creed of the Sociopathic Obsessive Compulsive)
Perfection is not optional.
When faced without a challenge, make one.
“No” simply means begin again at one level higher.
Don’t walk when you can run.
Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary.
When in doubt, THINK!
Patience is a virtue, but persistence to the point of success is a blessing.
The squeaky wheel gets replaced.
The faster you move, the slower time passes, the longer you live!
Bill Maher on climate Change deniers:
Friday – hot and sunny.
Stuart barbecuing big steaks.
Drive back down to San Antonio. Dropping Stuart off at the Greyhound bus station in Downtown. How brave is that, riding a Greyhound bus. If you’ve ever popped you nose around into the urine stench of a Greyhound bus station you’ll understand the bravery involved. Good luck Stuart on you 6 week trip to Israel.
Japanese garden. A better way to spend Black Friday.
Well it’s Black Friday, but we do the sensible thing and go for a walk around the botanical and Japanese gardens. Yes, there’s a small queue to get in, but no one’s being dragged screaming across a Tesco floor clinging onto a 60″ colour TV shouting “it’s mine it’s mine”.
What has got into the World. It now seems the Black Friday lunacy from the US has infected the UK, like a dose of rampant Ebola. First they gave us Valentines day excess, then the terror of Halloween, complete with marauding bands of vicious Trick or Treaters teenagers and now Black Friday. No doubt about it, Marketing is responsible for nearly as much evil in the World as religion.
Oh how I wish I’d been there. “Fight, fight” goes up the cry in Victoria Secrets playground. Girls fight over thongs and bra’s in Victorias Secrets. I wouldn’t mind a thong on that women is a terrifying thought, it would disappear into the giant crevices of adipose tissue never to be seen again until they turned septic. All it needed was a bit of mud chucked in and Victorias Secrets would have a winning recipe to draw even more punters in.
Loved ABQ but thank Chione I won’t have to try and spell it again.
The essence of Albuquerque, the iconic Balloon Fiesta. Sadly we missed it by a week.
Up and away by 08:50. That’s a record. Can you believe it’s snowing in ABQ as we say goodbye.
Sledging in White Sands National Monument.
Drive down I25 and then over a mountain range, to view 144,000 acres of CaSO4•2H2O, or as Walter White would say hydrous calcium sulphate, or Gypsum as normal folk would say, that is White Sands National Monument. Crossing a mountain range and the roads are just sheet ice from the snow. It’s 20F. Not a smart move should have probably stuck with the Interstate I25 route. White Sands could be a bit of a let down if it’s covered in snow. A miserable grey cold trip but just as we arrive at White Sands the suns out and the sky clears to bright blue, not a cloud to be seen – how neat is that.
A unique place, the largest gypsum dune field in the world is located at White Sands National Monument in south-central New Mexico. This region of glistening white dunes is in the northern end of the Chihuahuan Desert within an “internally drained valley” called the Tularosa Basin. This dune field is very dynamic, with the most active dunes moving to the northeast at a rate of up to 30 feet per year, while the more stable areas of sand move very little. Many species of plants and animals have developed very specialized means of surviving in this area of cold winters, hot summers, with very little surface water and highly mineralized ground water. With white lizards it shows how evolution can speed up.
It’s my turn now. But it’s my sledge.
Can’t resist hiring a sledge to go sledging down the white sand dunes. Not exactly a bucket list item but certainly something you should try. Wendy’s not having any of it. Thinks I’m crazy, but then when she sees what a cracking job I make of it she can’t resist – see photos.
Finally arrive at El Paso and off out to the Olive Garden for tea. Chicken parmigiana, I’ve always wanted to try it. Sadly best described as chicken mac nuggets with a tin of tomatoes sloped over it and some spaghetti, then sprinkled with cheese. A kiddies meal. Certainly not a patch on their Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo.
We’re lucky to get to the Olive Garden in one piece, when some idiot turns left onto a one way road. Don’t blame me it was pitch black, not a lumen of street lighting in this 3rd World country; a dual carriage way; no “One Way” sign straight ahead of you; oh yes there’s one just over the dark Stop sign. Well those are my excuses. Anyway we survived. No thanks to the aggressive drivers coming at me.
Driving around here at night is terrifying. No street lights; aggressive drivers; fast and not prepared to give way. What is it with this American Jekyl and Hyde personality behind the wheel. If a pedestrian’s around they’re like meek and mild puppies scared of their own exhaust fumes. Then on a motorway they’re like some freaking steroid intoxicated maniac, out to annihilate everything that’s breathing.
El Capitain in Guadalupe National Park.
Why I Like Retirement:
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
2,738 road accidents in Texas last year. No wonder. Gordon Bennett, they have detailed instructions on when you can overtake or not, don’t just rely on solid yellow lines, oh no spell it out and yet they hide one way signs and don’t bother with street or sign lighting.
Then there’s the classic road sign, “obey all signs, it’s the law”.
Monday – cool and sunny.
Javelina and no it’s not a pig or wild boar. They get terribly offended if you call them that.
After a good nights sleep and a free breakfast at the hotel we nip down to Guadalupe National Park, it’s only 110 miles down the road, and back, no more than a trip to the local supermarket. Still a tad cold.
On the way we’re pulled in by border patrol. Perhaps it’s something to do with the giant “Kiss Me Quick” Sombrero I’m wearing. Can I see your passports – that’s a first in 20 years. My driving license with loose picture doesn’t cut it, these guys obviously have some brain cells. Don’t have passports with us, but thankfully he accepts an iPhone photo.
Guadeloupe is dominated by El Capitain, not the one from Yosemite, but oh so similar. Do a couple of the shorter strolls, nature trail down to Butterfield stage and then the Frijole Ranch walk. Certainly one of the more obscure and less popular NP’s. Don’t even have a NP hat. Alas no sign of a Roadrunner or even the Horny Texas Toad – an awesome looking creature.
Texas Roadhouse for me tea. Saves risking live and limb driving around El Paso in the dark, we can walk to it. I suppose being in Texas I must have a T-Bone, better at night than one for breakfast. 23 Oz monster. It’s just one of those things you have to do. Won’t need to eat for another 7 days now.
I know we’re a tad obsessed with this awesome bird but in view of two road dash sittings, which we’re that quick we couldn’t catch on camera, I just couldn’t resist including this 3rd party footage:
Welcome to Carlsbad Caverns.
Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Ans wer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal ..
Ricky Gervais on atheism:
Tuesday – hot and sunny.
Carlsbad Caverns – awesome.
Drove from El Paso, yet again, to Carlsbad.
Call in at McKittrick Canyon for the walk. Reckoned to be a birders paradise. A pleasant walk but a distinct lack of birds. Certainly no Roadrunner.
Then it’s off to the vast underground Carlsberg, sorry Carlsbad, Caverns National Park. Words like awesome, stupendous, rad, narly and mind shattering don’t do it justice. Nor do my photos, mind you it is a tad dark down there and only lit with subdued lighting to maintain the ambience of a cave. It takes an hour to complete the walk and that includes cheating by using the 750 foot lift. If you walk down and back it’s 3 hours. Just lost for words. Sadly Wendy missed it all, although she did see the video but you really do have to see it to believe.
Then it’s off to our hotel in Carlsbad. A typical $90 a night hotel here costs $370. There’s a major oil boom in the area. More big trucks, big burly workers with giant footwear and plates of food piled high. I watch as one cuts up his pancakes into little squares, just like his mommy used to, then uses only his fork.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
And, my very favorite….
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING…. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
Wednesday – hot and sunny.
Carlsbad Caverns – awesome.
Drive back down to Rattle Snake Springs. A highly recommended birding sight. Wrong time of year, hardly any birds and sadly no Rattle Snakes.
Call back in at Carlsbad Caverns to visit the exhibit and catch the video that we missed yesterday. No doubt about it, but this place is worthy of at least a full day.
Tempted to do a ranger tour of the Kings Chamber but it means we’ll be driving down to Alpine in the dark. Not advisable on these roads.
Wendy tries a spot of caving!
Drive down from Carlsbad to Alpine. Really get to see the extent of the oil boom around here. More Nodding Donkeys and drilling rigs than Arabs at an OPEC conference. Also a fair bit of cotton and cattle. Rewarded with sighting of yet another Roadrunner, doing what Roadrunners do best – dashing across the road. Oil tankers buzzing up and down the road like flies around a rotting turd. Never realised it before but these tankers must constantly go and transport away the oil pumped up and deliver it to a refinery. Obvious when you think about it.
Nodding Donkeys everywhere a sure clue to where we are. Along with drilling rigs, cotton and cattle.
Three hours later (yes Texas is a big State) we finally arrive at the one horse town of Alpine. Our Best Western hotel’s very comfortable. But what to eat? Not a fantastic choice. There’s a mediocre menu’d diner and a Pizza Hut. Settle for a Pizza, despite my reservations. Rip off misleading pricing and disappointing Pizza. Confirms my view that you should never bother with Pizza in America, they’re always crap, Chicago excepted.
A hawk but we’re still arguing about which one it is.
More on us geriatrics:
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
‘How old was your husband?’ ’98,’ she replied….
‘Two years older than me’
‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented..
She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?’ the reporter asked…
She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.
I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.
Thursday – hot and sunny.
Welcome to Big Bend – at last.
Drive down from Alpine to Big Bend. 3 days in the wilderness. Well by my definition it’s wilderness, no Starbucks, no Taco Bell and worst of all no Internet. Gordon Bennet, how will I survive.
See plenty of Roadrunners on the way down, but all camera shy.
As we’re staying at the Chisos Mountain Lodge – only hotel in the park – we explore that area in the afternoon. Do the short Window Trail and then the basin loop trail. Awesome scenery but not many birds.
At sunset we go out to try and get a sunset shot through the window, but no red sky shot, although some of the mountain shots in the soft light are great.
Chios mountains at sunset.
Dinner in the only restaurant. Everything served on paper plates as there’s a severe water shortage. Share a table with Lee and Lisa from San Diego. He’s a dermatologist who does a lot of lecture tours and now retired. Very entertaining evening and good company.
Apparently his wife has the claim to fame of having been taken short in Danali National Park, Alaska. Did what women do best in the bush when caught short, and ended up with 35 Mosquito bites on here backside. To add insult to injury Lee used a photo of the offending 35 bites to illustrate, in his lecture, how many Mosquito bites you can get on one backside.
No TV. Catch up on a boring documentary and early to bed.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Cheeky Roadrunner waiting on our car for us – bonnet runner.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, ‘For fast relief.’
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Friday – hot and sunny.
At last the Roadrunner photo. Now we have 80+ to sort.
Up early for breakfast. A tad disappointing, but then we’re off out to explore the Rio Grande village area and hopefully capture some shots of a Roadrunner. We’ve been told this is the place. Sure enough we’re rewarded and 80 photo’s later we’re RR’d out. One cheeky devil is even stood on our car bonnet waiting for us to come back off a walk.
As I’m walking down to the Rio Grande I see what I think is a Mountain Lion and get some great shots of her and her cub. Turns out to “only” be a Bob Cat. But what a treat.
Do the nature trail walk and not a bird in sight.
Coffee and wifi at the village store – wow wifi.
Then do the Boquillas Canyon walk. By now it’s 75F, the suns beating down on us in the desert and Wendy’s squawking like a banshee, “It’s too hot, you know I can’t cope with this heat”. Great views down the Rio Grande into the canyon.
Bob Cat or is it a Mountain Lion? Merely a Bob Cat with her cub in tow.
That nice Mr Obama’s created a shit storm with his executive order to grant immunity to 5 million “undocumented immigrants”. His action will grant “deferred action” to two illegal immigrant groups – parents of United States citizens or legal permanent residents who have been in the country for five years, and young people who who were brought into the country illegally as of 2010. The majority of the countries up in arms about it, apart of course from 5 million “undocumented immigrants” – how can we become one.
From our overlook over the Rio Grande we see the first influx of some more illegals from Mexico – see picture.
Then it’s the Hot Springs – the road from hell – but at least we make it there and back. Wendy has a paddle in the hot springs, sat besides the raging, cold, Rio Grande.
That bird displaying his wares.
After 7 hours on the go we return to have coffee (Chai Latte) on the balcony and admire the view.
Dinner in the restaurant again. Back to the room. No TV, but we’ve 80+ Roadrunner / wildlife photos to cull, crop and process. 21:00 and Noddy’s no where near Big Ears but we’re off to bed.
Saturday – hot and sunny.
Obama’s OK’d “undocumented immigrants”. Is this the start of another mass migration across the Rio Grande?
Up early for an in the room breakfast. Much cheaper and better than the restaurant breakfast.
We leave today but have the whole day in Big Bend.
Do the Ross Maxwell Scenic drive and call in at all the Pull Offs to see the vistas. Highlight of the whole park, apart from the Roadrunner sighting, is a walk down the Santa Elena Canyon Trail. Sadly it’s a tad cloudy so we don’t get the best pictures.
After a full morning we drive back up to our hotel in Alpine, same one as Wednesday. Yet another pull in at a border patrol. Poor guy spends 5 minutes searching my passport for the date stamp. At last he finds it and we can go on. At least this time we have our passports with us.
Dinner in a classic All American diner, sadly no pinkle water license.
Santa Elena Canyon in Big Bend the other end of the Rio Grande.
It’s goodbye Big Bend. A massive park with 3 different environments in one, the Chihuahuan desert, the Chisos mountains and the Rio Grande river. Enjoyed it, and at last we get some great pictures of our favourite bird, the Roadrunner, but Zion NP is still my favourite. To be fair they all have something different to offer.
Posted inUncategorized|Comments Off on 20141116 – Goodbye Albuquerque. Hello Bob Cats, Roadrunners, TBones, Nodding Donkeys, wilderness – yea it’s Texas
Ancient graffiti or as the proper people call it Petroglyphs.
Off down to the National (free with our NP pass) Petroglyph Park. Basically a lot of ancient graffiti. Have a pleasant stroll / climb around the rocks. Getting very brave in me old age.
Wendy at top of Petroglyphs.
Then we drive up to the Coronado Historic site. Now that’s a lot more interesting, complete with climb down into a Kiva and talk by a very helpful docent. Awesome views of the Rio Grande and the Sandia Mountains.
Having experienced Comcasts service first hand I can relate tot this. It took 4 days, 5 store visits and 4 phone calls to set my account up. Believe you me they are infinitely worse than BT.
Tuesday – hot and sunny.
Sadly none around.
Up at 05:00 for a 06:30 balloon flight. Manage to talk Wendy into it. She keeps whinging that it’s to expensive. You only live once; you can’t go ballooning when you’re dead, not even in FSM heaven, or so I’m lead to believe; what a great experience it’ll be; it’s only money; good way to fritter away the kids inheritance. If anybody, it should be me whose reluctant as I don’t like heights.
You’d think that having to get up this early they’d pay us.
Coronado overlooking Rio Grande.
Anyway we bundle up with 5 layers, hat and gloves – it’s probably going to be colder than a witch’s titty in a brass bra doin’ push-ups in the snow. I help with the erection, sorry inflation. It’s massive, they go inside. Amazing there’s a big hole in the top with a circular plug of balloon material below it. Apparently there’s a cord to it, pull the cord, the hole opens up to the heavens and you’ve got an emergency descent – whatever you do don’t touch the cord.
Would you believe that before this balloon flight I had a full head of hair. Now it’s all been burnt off.
Anyway we’re off up and away. All very smooth, and I’m amazed that despite my fear of heights how exhilarating it is. We drift around at he mercy of the wind. We get to do a “splash and dash” into the Rio Grande, where the bottom of the basket just touches the water. We get to clip across the top of the trees and are able to touch the branches. Rise up above 1,000 feet. The first 999 feet don’t bother me it’s that last 1 foot.
Nearly got our feet wet in the Rio Grande.
First attempted landing, would have been on a road, fails. Finally land in a large area of scrub land. Bend zee knees on landing, cling on and basket nearly tips over but manages to right itself. Yes, we’ve all survived although Wendy had the joy of a 20 stone female elephant sitting on her knees as we landed. It wasn’t as cold as expected and I’m sure the propane burners has singed all me hair off – could be a law suit coming on.
Rio Grande.
Then in ballooning tradition it’s a champagne breakfast, a badge, a champagne glass and a survivors certificate. Awesome experience, even Wendy enjoyed it.
Don’t you just love foreign call centres. This just epitomises the experience:
Call in at Wholefoods (AKA WholePayPacket) to pick up a dish for tea (dinner to any Southern softies reading). Wendy thinks it’s a great pity there aren’t any Wholefoods in the UK. Me and my credit card are eternal grateful for the 3,000 miles of Atlantic ocean and our language keeping them at bay.
Afternoon lazing around. Skived off my bike ride and did some SQLing.
Do you want to build a meth lab? (Frozen * Breaking Bad parody)
I can’t quite decide whether to class this as a rant or a joke. But before we descend into Texas I’d better get my anti-NRA rants over with. I think down there criticising the 2nd or the NRA is considered blasphemy, a bit like mentioning the war in Germany, and can probably get you shot:
Friday – cold and sunny.
Lazy morning and then off to the Balloon museum.
Only $2 each for us geriatrics. Must be the only benefit of old age. Interesting place, spend a couple of hours browsing and playing with the experiments.
Wendy wants to call in at Teavanha (Starbucks of the tea world) for some of their ludicrously expensive peppermint white chocolate tea. Two for one, and it’s still so expensive I’m beginning to think it’s perhaps a tea that’s been consumed and then shit out by a Roadrunner or some other exotic bird, with the droppings scrapped up and put in an expensive box. Thankfully we don’t have Teavanha in England either – I hope. However, I will admit it is a very tasty tea.
Well we’re coming to the end of our stay in Albuquerque and I suppose nothing would be more appropriate than some quotes from Breaking Bad:
Just couldn’t resist this Robin Williams and guns:
I promise to be good and not comment on the NRA once I cross the border into Texas.
Saturday – warm and sunny.
Last day here in ABQ, so big clean up. Wendy wants me from under her feet, so packs me off on the bird walk for a couple of hours. Oh dear how sad, the things I put up with to please her.
My jobs sorting the car apparently.
A1 Car wash.
Now that’s what I call a car wash. Call in at the A1 Car Wash from Breaking Bad – actually called Octopus. Now I’m alway the first to slag off America and it’s Ford principle of tiny tasks and no discretion or initiative., but this place is a shining example and a shrine to the Ford Principle. Slick, and I’m not referring to the soap suds, isn’t the word. A cast of 1,000’s vacuum the car; whisk into a conveyor; clean wheel; clean inside; leather dry it. Just 5 minutes from start to finish but in case you get bored, thirsty or hungry there’s free, yes free, coffee, pop corn, comfy chairs and magazines. Admittedly no girly mags but hey ho, can’t have everything.
Finally manage to find the bottle bank. Obviously the Green peace tree huggers don’t want anyone re-cycling so they’ve hid it well and made sure there’s no signs to it.
After lunch we’re all done so drive down to Wholefoods to pick up some tea and then get the Hire car from that nice Mr Hertz, including “big” upgrade – well ain’t everything bigger over here!
We’ve had an awesome time in ABQ. Great city, so easy to get around; lovely weather; plenty to do; fantastic network of bike paths, just a pity about the “Goat Heads” – natures very own stingers and bike mine fields.
More Breaking Bad:
Why do we keep getting so many home exchange requests from giant families in Spain, more kids than you can shake a perforated condom at. I’ve emailed them back and told them we’ll come to Spain when they’ve finished building it.
