20140824 – Last days; Homeward bound

Sunday – warm and sunny.

First snow fall on Jupiter and it's only August - exciting

First snow fall on Jupiter and it’s only August – exciting

As we’ve got a car we’re off out for the day.

Drive out over Guardsmen Pass and then down into Midway – stunning views. Down Provo canyon and turn right up the Alpine Loop road, past Sundance ski resort and around the Timpanogos. Take a slight detour down to Cascade Springs, then back onto Alpine Loop road for more stunning views and eventually get to the visitors centre at Timpanogos cave. All free as our National Park pass – America The Beautiful – covers us.

Have a shifty around the small visitors centre at the caves, lunch in the car and then a short nature trail down to a swing bridge that doesn’t swing.

Then drive to Little Cottonwood canyon. Call off at Snowbird. Honestly I had no idea there was a Oktoberfest



on – see rant below. Then onto Alta but alas no where “nice” for afternoon tea / coffee, so Wendy dips out.

Drive up to Big Cottonwood canyon past Solitude – still as empty as ever – and then back over the spectacular Guardsmen pass and back home.

A 6 hour drive but some spectacular scenery and worth it.

More wisdom from George Carlin:

Crystal springs

Crystal springs

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and He needs money.

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

Has the World gone completely mad or is it just Utah.
Gentle nature walk in the Timpanogos

Gentle nature walk in the Timpanogos

We call in at the Oktoberfest at Snowbird. My eyes light up and I’m orgasmic at the thought of it, already drooling like a geriatric boxer dog.

1st – we need to see ID to buy a drink. For Chiones sake whatever happened to common sense. Flattering as it may be to think that I look under 21 it’s just as crazy as believing the sun isn’t real because it got dark last night.

2nd – how can you sell Bud and other American pinkle waters at a beer festival. It’s a complete violation of any trade description laws they may have over here.

3rd – I remember I’m driving and Wendy’s not insured on this Enterprise mobile. Not too bad as they’re mainly what I’d call perverted beers rather than any proper German brews, so I’m not too devastated. Then we encounter one stall selling Hofbrau – the only decent beer in the whole place. In bottles too! Now I’m excited, nay orgasmic. A couple of them to take home will do me just fine. Oh no! Not allowed to sell bottles to take home / out, Utah laws. Have to open the bottles and drink it here. Ironic isn’t it there’s all these people drinking, and judging by the number of cars driving, yet, I’m for zero tolerance to drink driving and I can’t take even a single bottle home. Moronic when you really think about it.

Monday – warm and sunny.

Pick Hal up and head off to the Timpanogos caves.


Essential requirements to get a green card:

Drive a gas guzzler and never be caught walking.

Drink coke or Dr Peppers out of a 52 ounce plastic cup.

Have a giant gas barbecue. Use it every time the sun comes out and to boil the kettle on.

Be able to say that all important American phrase like “Go f..k yourselves” with gusto and meaning.

Treat Stop signs with reverence and ignore any rules of the road on roundabouts.

Join the NRA and make no jokes or derogatory remarks about them or guns or the 2nd – after all look what happened to Piers Morgan.

More GC:

Obviously problem - people in Salt Lake mow their lawns and then bring their cutting all the way unto the Timpanogos to dispose of them.

Obviously problem – people in Salt Lake mow their lawns and then bring their cutting all the way unto the Timpanogos to dispose of them.

The Civil War. Now there is another phrase I dearly love. That is a true oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one: “Civil War.” Do you think anybody in this country could ever really have a civil war? “Say, pardon me?” (shoots gun) “I’m awfully sorry. Awfully sorry.”

So maybe it’s not the politicians who suck; maybe it’s something else. Like the public. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: “The public sucks. Elect me.” Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? Where are these people hiding? The truth is, we don’t have people like that. Everyone’s at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. And complaining about the politicians.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

I don’t like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: “Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, ‘There is no “I” in team.’ What you should tell them is, ‘Maybe not. But there is an “I” in independence, individuality and integrity.’” Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. If they say, “We’re the So-and-Sos,” take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it’s unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don’t participate; it will be your death. And if they tell you you’re not a team player, congratulate them on being observant.

In the latest blow for free speech, the government of the southern Indian state of Karnataka has passed
Snowbird Oktoberfest

Snowbird Oktoberfest

legislation that makes it illegal to upload, share, or like content with a view to hurt religious sentiments knowingly or unknowingly.

Back in June, Karnataka police warned citizens about the type of things that were covered by the Information Technology Act:

Citizens are warned not to upload, modify, resend (forward) and like (share) malicious or misleading images, videos and messages through any medium with a view to hurt religious sentiments knowingly or unknowingly. Citizens are encouraged to inform the Police Control Room at…

Tuesday – warm and sunny.

American pinkle water at Snowbird Oktoberfest

American pinkle water at Snowbird Oktoberfest

Why do the top of my legs feel like they’ve been through a mangle. A mere 1 mile and 1,100 feet yesterday. I thought I was fit.

Must be the walk down. Steep and constant braking to avoid those edges.

Run around day. Wendy’s packing and I’m doing last minute tasks; storing bikes and chairs; returning faulty hiking boots.

Now that’s another thing we so love about America. My new hiking boots had a nobble drop off the sole. Only had them 3 months so I take them back. In typical British fashion I’m all ready with the arguments and have Kurt’s phone number on seed dial ready for a court case.

But no it’s so simple. Guy apologises. I can have money back or replacement, no problem. Drops peg legged on the floor. Admits that they’ve had the odd problem with these and recommends a replacement with a vibram sole. Mine were $80, vibrams are $120. Play the destitute pensioner card. He offers a deal at $96. Hmm… and argh, try them on. “Go on then, I’ll pay the extra $16”. Guy “No go on you can have them as a straight swop”.

What cracking service and a $120 pair of hiking boots for only $80. Impressed.

Drop of the Enterprise car, a nice Suburu Outback, less than half the price of a Hertz mobile. Enterprise drop me off at hertz to pick up my car. Hertz are twice the cost of Enterprise but they have no one way fee. No one there at hertz they’ve had a power cut. Have to chase them up. Another nail in their coffin.

Snowbird Oktoberfest

Snowbird Oktoberfest

In the evening we pop round to Rick and Lynda’s to drop off concert chairs and coolbox. No time to stop for a drink with them as we’re off to Todd and Nancy’s for drinks. They live in a gorgeous place up in Deer Valley. And when I say up I do mean it, need the oxygen masks. Have a lovely evening, they’re so easy to get on with it’s as if you’ve known them for ever.

Must say it’s a real American trait this friendliness and openness. So easy to make friends, a much more friendly and caring society.

More GC:

Timpanogos cave - Hal at the top

Timpanogos cave – Hal at the top

Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren’t they? They’re all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you’re born, you’re on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don’t want to know about you. They don’t want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you’re preborn, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.

I don’t understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal. F..king is legal. Why isn’t selling f..king legal? You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that’s perfectly legal to give away? I can’t follow the logic on that one at all! Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. In the army they give you a medal for spraying napalm on people. In civilian life you go to jail for giving someone an orgasm.

There are over seventeen thousand golf courses in America, they average over one hundred and fifty acres a piece. That’s three million plus acres, four thousand, eight hundred and twenty square miles. You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist, there’s another thing; the only blacks you’ll find at country clubs are carrying trays. And a boring game. A boring game for boring people. You ever watch golf on television? It’s like watching flies f..k!

Visit Comcast store – abandon hope all yea who enter here.
Inside Timpanogos cave

Inside Timpanogos cave

Me: “How do I terminate my Comcast account?”

Bimbo: “I don’t understand your question. What’s your address?”

Me: “Well how’s my address going to help is there some psychic mind reading artificial intelligence in your address database? Or am I speaking a foreign language and there’s a translation service in your address database?”

Bimbo: Look of total confusion and despair.

Me: “Look. Let’s try another way. How do of cancel my account? On the basis it took 4 days to set up I’m anticipating a major traumatic experience. Can I just bring my equipment in and jobs a good un?”

Bimbo: “Yes that’s all you need to do.”

Terminate obviously no longer a word in the English language or is it just another product of Utahs education system?

Wednesday – warm and cloudy. A fitting day to be leaving.

Inside Timpanogos cave

Inside Timpanogos cave

We leave today. Sad, but we’ll be back.

Finish off last minute packing. Gird me loins and return equipment to Comcast. Amazingly turns out easy. 4 nightmarish days to get set up and 4 minutes to terminate, sorry cancel. Seem to have got it wrong somehow.

Go round to Carol and Hal’s for lunch and to drop off two black bags of winter gear. Our bikes and skis are in the garage at our winter 2015 home. Say our sad goodbyes. They’ve been such good friends and we’ve had great times with them.

Then it’s off down to Salt Lake airport in our luxury Chevy Impala from Mr Hertz. Mind you the way they’re shaping up these days I think I’ll be using Enterprise more in future. Fewer problems and half the price.

Packing ready for home.

Packing ready for home.

Drop heavy luggage off with Sky Captain. Yes you have to tip but no queue and they’re less picky about the weight, the dollar rules.

Abandon hope all yea. TSA pre-checked so at least we kept our underwear on. No lounge and not a decent sandwich to be seen, looks like we’ll starve. I’d rather hand out bacon butties to the taliban than suffer Delta’s food.

In cattle class, so it’s two sleeping tablets, a few glasses of red and I’ll be asleep like a log. Cheaper solution than business class.

Timpanogos cave - view towards Salt Lake.

Timpanogos cave – view towards Salt Lake.

Good news on these sleeping tablets apparently there have been reports of people doing things while they are asleep after taking this medicine that they do not remember when they wake up. These include sleepwalking, ‘sleep-driving’, making phone calls and preparing and eating food. These events may be more likely if you drink alcohol.

“Preparing food”, that’ll be a novel first for me.

Fear not Wendy’s promised to pinch me awake if I suddenly make a somambulant dash for the on board galley.

On board and this geezers rattling away in French. Looks like we’re going to Paris. Meanwhile for our entertainment we get to see the spatially unaware numpties try to get their giant oversized travel trunks into the handbag sized overhead lockers. For Chione’s sake it’s not a Tardis on there.

More GC:

And you might have noticed something else. The sanctity of life doesn’t seem to apply to cancer cells, does

Timpanogos cave.

Timpanogos cave.

it? You rarely see a bumper sticker that says: “Save the tumors.” Or “I brake for advanced melanoma.” No, viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, E. Coli bacteria, the crabs. Nothing sacred about those things. So at best the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. We get to choose which forms of life we feel are sacred, and we get to kill the rest. Pretty neat deal, huh? You know how we got it? We made the whole fucking thing up!

Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.

Here’s some bumper stickers I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.” “We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers’ attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters.” “We have a daughter in public school who hasn’t been knocked up yet.” “We have a son in public school who hasn’t shot any of his classmates yet. But he does sell drugs to your honor student. Plus he knocked up your daughter.” “We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus.”

Well it’s airport day today so I thought this rant from George Carlin might help set the tone for the day:

Timpanogos cave - frightening views.

Timpanogos cave – frightening views.

The British cleric suspected of radicalizing dozens of Islamic State recruits, including the man believed to have beheaded American journalist James Foley, called jihadists “noble,” and predicted Shariah law will soon rule the West.

Anjem Choudary, whose extremist group Islam 4 UK was banned under a terrorism crackdown, praised Britons who have traveled to Syria and Iraq to fight for Islamic State and said he hopes Shariah Law takes hold in the United Kingdom in an interview with FoxNews.com.

“If Muslims go anywhere in the world to defend their brethren, this is a good thing. Of course it should be permitted to go and fight,” said Choudary. “Anyone who goes and stands alongside them [the fighters in Iraq] is noble. In anyone’s book it is the right thing to do.”

Choudary, 47, denied motivating the Islamic State member known as “Jihad John,” and suspected of beheading Foley, to join the group and even suggested video of the gruesome act, released on Aug. 19, was fake.

British Prime Minister David Cameron has called Choudary “one of those people who needs to be looked at seriously in terms of the legality of what he’s saying because he strays, I think, extremely close to the line of encouraging hatred, extremism and violence.”

So why is he stilling living here on our benefits system? Grow some gonads and kick him out.

Thursday – hot and sunny.

All flights were good and on time. Think the long overnight to Paris and then a 90 minutes to Manchester works better than the Salt Lake to Atlanta then Atlanta to Manchester. Arrive home mid afternoon but that’s no bad thing as you have less time to stay awake.

Well the sleeping tablets and red wine regime worked. 5 hours good solid sleep nothing disturbed me. Can’t remember eating my dinner, it’s a complete blank, and Wendy says I was rambling away to myself much to her annoyance. Good news is I didn’t try and do any cooking.

Devastated, apparently I’ve lost one of those dam flight socks whilst I was in my rambling coma. Oh dear, how sad. I’ll have to take agues next time as to which legs going to get the DVT.

Well it’s 6 weeks at home now. Mustn’t comment on the weather here in Belthorn or complain or else my minder won’t feed me.

GC again:

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Rights aren’t rights if someone can take them away. They’re privileges. That’s all we’ve ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. You see all, sooner or later. Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government does not give a f..k about them! The government doesn’t care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. It simply does not give a f.k about you! It’s interested in its own power. That’s the only thing. Keeping it and expanding it wherever possible.

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

When it comes to God’s existence, I’m not an atheist and I’m not an agnostic. I’m an acrostic: the whole thing puzzles me.

The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice.

Now we know why the Terrorist threat alert has been raised to severe:

The terrorist group al-Qaeda has published a manual in which it encourages followers to bomb British targets including Sandhurst, the MI5 headquarters and high profile department stores.

The media arm of al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP) this week published a nine-page how-to guide in its English-language magazine on making car bombs and suggests terror targets in the UK and the US.
The publication suggests jihadists target the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst, Thames House in London and department stores during Friday prayers, so as to avoid harming Muslims.

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