Tony & Wendy's Travel Blog

Friday – clear blue sky, windy and only 63F. The coldest it’s been.

Morning working. Alas the World hasn’t come to an end so now I have to go last minute Birthday and Christmas shopping. Bloody Mayans, last time I listen to them – no wonder they’re extinct. I know what to get, yet in the land of plenty can I find it. Never mind plan B problem solved.

After lunch we drive down to Casey Key and visit Nkomis beach. Blowing a gale but clear blue sky. Thankfully I’m not diving today. I think the boat we went out in would have sunk today.

It’s the American way. How to eat ribs – spend 15 minutes with knife and fork stripping meat off into bite sized chunks. Throw knife away. Use fork to deliver bite size chunks to mouth. Chew.

Then we have another only in America business. Flocking usually with pink Flamingos but will use other critters. Confused. We were. You pay a Company an obscene amount of money to put plastic critters all over someones yard along with a Birthday or other celebratory sign.

Saturday – another cold sunny day. Only 63F again, how will we cope?

Wendy’s birthday – 64. Presents include two Columbia walking shirts and this year I’ve excelled myself and bought one birthday card to act as a belated card for last year plus this year.

Afternoon of culture as we go to the theatre to see “Best of Enemies”. Based on a true story of school desegregation in the 1970’s in North Carolina and the role of a Klux Klux Clan and member of the black community. Disturbing to think that in our lifetimes this level of racial prejudice existed in a supposedly civilised country. Very enjoyable and thought provoking.

School Massacre – relax the NRA have the answer. A week after last weeks gun massacre they’ve obviously been burning the midnight oil to finally come up with the definitive solution. More guns! Armed guards in every school. Can you believe it? Where will that stop. Armed guards in every church. Every shopping mall. Every hospital. Every cinema. Hang on a moment why not arm the teachers? Why not arm all children and then they can defend themselves?

Who are these numpties? I know it’s nothing to do with us, but this is a country we like and care about. But when will they realise the answers simple. Get rid of the guns. Not just the black ones, the assault rifles, the automatics. All of them. Britain has the toughest gun control. None allowed – results 1 gun death per 7,500,000 citizens per year. USA has 1 gun death per 28,000 citizens per year – 267 times the rate in the UK. What does that fell you.

I heard a great phrase today that can aptly describe this lunacy from the NRA. If the NRA leadership threw themselves to the ground they’re that stupid they’d miss. 

Sunday – warm and sunny.

Lazy morning. Well not really got 3 hours programming done – joy.

After lunch we drive down to Sarasota for a walk around the Harbour front. Leisurely coffee at Marina Jacks – I’m sure the waitress fancied me judging by the number of time she offered more, coffee that is. Then a chat with some friendly fishermen. I suppose it must get boring for them so they welcome a chat with anybody.

Now for some light humour. Let’s hope any Americans sad enough to read this blog have a sense of humour. They need it with buffoons like the NRA to cope with.

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

In light of the recent massacre and the annual slaughter of 10,000 citizens a year through an obsession with an outdated and dangerous 2nd Amendment; your failure to financially manage yourselves; also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Details of Revocation of Independence will be posted on this blog over the coming days. Please read (if you can’t read try and find someone who can), inwardly digest and obey.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

The 2nd Amendment will be amended forth with and the word “arms” will be replaced with the words “pink water pistol”.

Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler or a water pistol. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry either in public.

You will immediately notify the Inland Revenue – your new tax collectors – of the location of the fiscal cliff so that they can assess any taxes due.

Within 7 days of this notice all retail outlets will cease the silly practice of advertising the price of goods without taxes. You have to pay the tax so you’ll start being sensible and include the tax – the price you see is the price you pay.

Also within 7 days it will be illegal to produce any bill or invoice (tab but get used to the correct term) with a tip or gratuity already included. Tipping will not be illegal but will normally only occur where there has been good service.

Sunday – hot and sunny.

Usual lazy morning then off down to Lido beach for an hours sun, sea, and Kindle. Followed by a leisurely stroll around the over priced shops of Armands Circle. Which is really a roundabout but doesn’t quite have the same traffic rules as a normal roundabout.

Followed by a Starbucks. Broke my own veto. Mind you I did ask if it would be ok for me to pay the amount of tax I felt like. Fell on deaf and disbelieving ears. Obviously barristers don’t read the Times or stoop as low as the Daily Mail.

Progressing through the TV series Damages on even days and The Tudors on odd days, curtesy of my free 1 months Netflix trial. Seems worth it for TV series, especially if you VPN into the USA where they have a much wider choice than UK viewers – now there’s a surprise. Mind you nod off to sleep for more than 10 seconds during Damages and you’ve totally lost the plot. Both great series even if Damages is a bit convoluted.

Well it looks like you can write Egypt off the tourist map.

Women who were not wearing the hijab are banned from voting in the Egyptian elections. 

Monday – hot and sunny.

Lazy morning then in the afternoon we do the American thing and go down to the local Mall. Well it’s 15 miles away but I suppose that qualifies as local. Wendy seemed to get the impression after 5 minutes that I was bored. Actually I was probably sulking because I couldn’t have a ride on the colourful train around the Mall – great for kids. Call in at dive shop to set up my dive.

Seemingly a little late of the mark, but perhaps just in time for possible renewed flak from the next controversial film, The Innocent Prophet from the likes of Terry Jones. Anyway UK parliamentarians have called for a ban on the previous controversial film, The Innocence of Muslims. Knowing our PC correct Dhimis they’ll probably succeed. One day we’ll wake up and wonder where “Free Speech” has gone, but by then it’ll probably be too late.

Looks like we’re in for some more tantrums, riots and killings as a new film “The Innocent Prophet” hits the streets. Hope its as good as the Monty Python swipes at Christianity. Hopefully it’ll desensitise the fundamentalists some more. Perhaps one day they’ll get back to doing whatever it is good God / Allah / Budha / Darwin / Apollo / Mother Earth / Oak Tree fearing folk should be doing.

Tuesday – warm and sunny.

It’s supermarket day for Wendy the 2nd highlight of her week after the Mall yesterday.

I spend  the day at home working in peace and quiet. Have a great time programming – once a nerd always a nerd and proud of it.

Having no religious affiliation is now world’s third biggest ‘faith’ after Christianity and Islam. Christianity is the largest faith with 2.2 billion adherents or 31.5 per cent of the world’s population. There are about 1.6 billion Muslims around the world – or 23 per cent of the global population. No wonder so many have no faith when they look at the lunacy that is carried out in the name of religion. Never mind all the senseless violence, how can any rational person believe the Earth was only made a less than a few thousand years ago and ignore evolution?

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2250096/You-wouldnt-believe-atheism-worlds-biggest-faith-Christianity-Islam.html#ixzz2FdDJ4bpz

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

Visit Historic Spanish Point, a local park /  homestead. as well as being an Indian site, complete with burial mounds, dating back 4000 years. Then in 1860’s it became a early Florida homestead. Lovely location and plenty of things to see. Staffed by informative and enthusiastic volunteers who make the place so interesting. Have our usual lavish lunch.

Thursday – hot and sunny but wind starts to get up.

I’m up at the crack of Sparrows. Have to be at the boat dock for my dive by 08:00. 

Only 3 of us on the dive with 2 staff. 3 of the 5 are dive masters so am in safe hands. Boats just about big enough for us to get in. 45 minute ride out is just below my puke threshold. Dives about 44 foot deep around artificial concrete pipes dropped onto the sea bed to start to form an artificial reef. Visibility is a bit poor, only 15 to 20 foot. See a few big Grouper, Sardines and some Flounders. Bit of a disappointing dive really but it helps me keep my hand in. 

When we get back to the surface it’s got a lot choppier. I just about get back on board before I loose my breakfast and shout for Huey and Ruth. Abandon all thoughts of the 2nd dive. Being sea sick is bad enough but the thought of being sea sick 40 feet below is disgusting. By now the winds getting up and I get to really appreciate the beauty of a tiny boat bouncing around like a cork in 3 foot swells. Stepping onto tera firma was never so welcome. Must investigate Qualms Sea Sick pills to see wherever they’re compatible with diving or am I likely to nod off on the bottom.

Afternoon around the pool with Wendy, rehydrating and replacing lost breakfast.

And then they say they don’t need gun controls.

Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

Mind you I see Obamas done the smart thing and passed the hot potato onto the Vice President to come up with recommendations.

Thursday – warm and sunny.

Leisurely morning.

In the afternoon I’m off Kayaking in Sarasota bay then down the Mangrove tunnels. Manatees, Herons, Osprey, Storks, Pelicans, Conch and Cormorants so close you can touch. Awesome day out. Great guide and so much of nature seen. Really interesting, must do this again, especially as I managed not to capsize. Such a lovely way to see a place.

Wendy goes window shopping in Sarasota and fortunately doesn’t spend much apart from an extravagant $1.16 on a cup of tea at Wholefoods. Now thats a supermarket you could spend a fortune in. Some awesome foods especially their luxury Granola and better still they sell bottled Hof Brau. Heaven.

Is maths an American strong point? Why do I ask? Subway are offering a 6″ for $2 and a foot long for $5. Doh! 

Just in case you think I have any religious bias against “that religion”. Here’s two equally disturbing  violence advocating quotes from the Bible:

“I come not to bring peace, but to bring a sword” (Gospel of Matthew 10:34) or  “I have come to cast fire upon the earth; and how I wish it were already kindled” (Luke 12:49-51).

Friday – warm and overcast.

Picnic all packed ready for a day out at Myakka State Park – one of our favourites. A bit overcast so a change of plans.

We head up to St Petersburg. Can’t really find a city centre to explore so we head down to St Petes Beach. Take our chairs and lavish picnic onto the lovely white sandy beach – this is a first for us since the kids grew up. Glorious sunshine and not a cloud in the sky although it’s the coolest it’s been so, far only73F, just nice for sitting on a beach. Over lunch we’re treated to a passing school of Dolphins and watch Brown Pelicans diving. The dolphins are only about 30 feet out.

Have a lovely stroll along the beach – our exercise for the day.

Then drive down to treasure Island. Not really that much there other than more pristine white beaches.

Come across the most politically correct pier in America – see photo. Spot what’s missing?

Another sad day for America, yet another massacre. This time it’s 26 primary school children gunned down. When will they ever learn? As I’ve alluded to before these are daily events now in America. But oh no the 2nd is sacred. Don’t infringe their rights or you’ll be on the NRA hit list.

But some good news from the world of science:

Humulone, the bitter-tasting chemical compound found in hops, is said to be effective against cold and flu virus

Have to increase my daily alcohol intake to a good quality lager and red wine!

Saturday – warm and sunny.

Finally go down to Myakka State Park. Interesting bird talk with the ranger. Lunch looking over the lake. Then a stroll down to the weir. Unfortunately we take a wrong turn and poor Wendy has to risk life and limb with me wading through the long grass. She throws a real wobbly when she learns there are rattle snakes in there and I’ve led her astray! Mind you when she sees a cottonmouth snake – first snake we’ve ever seen in the wild – she quickly moves onto high ground.

Todays wild sitings include a Bald Eagle, Kildeer, Avocet, Snipe, Palm Warbler, Osprey, Turkey Vultures,  Roseate Spoonbill, Black Vulture, Anhinger, Wood Stork, Herons galore and a Cottonmouth snake.

On the way home we call in Sports Authority to pick up a couple of shirts. Now bear in mind it’s just a day after 26 kids were massacred and there they are parents buying their kids a Colt M4 and 1911 pistol. Pump action suitable for all levels of PLAY – 2 Day sale only $29.99, see picture. Have they and the store no respect, shame or common sense. And of course if you’re over 18 you can buy anything from a rifle to pump action shotguns. No bloody wonder there’s so much gun crime. Will they ever learn?

Sadly one aspect of American culture. The political system is designed to have so many checks and balances to protect democracy and limit power of anyone group or individual that achieving change or even another amendment to the constitution is extremely difficult and rare.

Three Very American Things to Ponder:

1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

C O W S

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

T H E C O N S T I T U T I O N

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq . Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.

T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post “Thou Shalt Not Steal,” “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,” and “Thou Shall Not Lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians…It creates a hostile work environment.

Monday – warm and sunny. Overcast in the afternoon and then rain. At least its over night. The heavens open up with a thunderstorm and torrential rain for about 20 minutes.

Wendy’s not feeling so good so we have a leisurely day in and get some programming done.

Don’t you just love this obsession with the second amendment “right to slaughter”, sorry my mistake “right to bear arms”.

A local married man and father of 5 was shot and killed yesterday. Why, what had he done? Well he was sat in his car at some traffic lights and a guy driving past just shot him at random. No road rage just mindless random violence. I’d better stop giving my Churchillian or European salute to drivers who annoy me. In Oregon 2 people are shot at random in a shopping mall. Madness. That’s it I’m not going shopping any more.

Meanwhile two boys 7 and 11 –  yes still in primary school – with a loaded handgun try to rob a women.

Tuesday – warm and sunny but poors down with rain in the afternoon.

In the morning we venture down to the mangroves in the South Lido nature reserve for a stroll and some bird watching. A majestic Osprey, some weird looking crabs and a tree that looks like it’s covered in shells.Then it’s lunch at my favourite coffee shop. Wendy gets her weekly supermarket fix – god bless Publix – while I enjoy some music, coffee and a book in the coffee shop.

Well into the series Damages. A great series. Just two more episodes to the end of season 1 – gripping stuff if somewhat convoluted. You stand no chance if you drop off.

The monsters at the UN strike again.

Human Rights Day at the UN: Election of Islamic Slave-holding Mauritania as VP of UN Human Rights Council. Slavery is still very much alive and legal in Mauritania. Modern-day slavery and the silence of black leadership in the country exposes these demagogues for what they really are: ghouls. UN Watch condemned today’s election of Mauritania, a country that allows 800,000 of its 3.5 Million citizens to live as slaves, as Vice-President of the UN Human Rights Council.

Wednesday – warm and sunny, despite the forecast of rain they got it wrong.

Leisurely morning. Coffee and papers around the pool. Then it’s the “W” word with a bit of programming work.

In the afternoon it’s yet another cultural overdose. A Broadway musical and a history lesson no less. 1776 all about declaration of Independence and separation of America from Great Britain – the failure of taxation without representation. We’d better just keep our gobs shut or we could be lynched.

Can’t believe I actually remained awake through a musical and even enjoyed it. Mind you fortunately there wasn’t too much singing. Really interesting how it all came about. Sadly a clause banning slavery was stricken out because the Carolina delegates objected and it was a compromise to get them to vote in favour. Then 90 odd years later it comes back to haunt them and they have a civil war.

Don’t you just love it when a so called Christian Church wishes everyone a “Happy Holiday” in the press. Come on you dhimmis , grow some balls, and remember who’s paying your wages.

Friday – hot 83F and sunny.

Have leisurely morning, even get a bit of programming done. Then have a walk around our estate. The whole place is built around a golf courses. As usual no one walks their all in their golf buggies. They even drive up to tee off. Spoils a good drive. Lazy. There’s a real opportunity for designing the ultimate golf cart that you den’t even need to get out of to play. Just lazy.

Sarasota really is a city of culture, wasted on us, but to show willing we attended the Sarasota Orchestra winter wonderland Christmas music. A full house of Sarasota ravers, Zimmer frame gridlock and duelling walking stick mayhem. Makes us feel quite young. Looks like shorts and trainers aren’t quite de rigueur and not even a pair of jeans in site. Are we still in the land of the free?

Now I’ve been studying what the conductor does to earn his corn, sadly only the guy playing the triangle and one of the violinists, who kept making gooey highs at him (wonder whats going on there), seemed to pay him any attention.

They’re still twittering on about that dam cartoon, (in case you missed it you can watch it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFogvC4_zgY) but now there’s a chance to make some money:

Two Muslim organizations and are demanding 782,000 euros in damages from the satirical weekly Charlie Hebdo for supposed incitement to racial hatred following the publication in September of cartoons inspired by the Innocence of Muslims film.

No doubt this attack on free speech will end up inciting more actual hatred of islam than the cartoons ever did.

Saturday – hot and sunny again.

After lunch we drive down to the Oscar Scherer State Park for a spot of bird watching and a pleasant walk down the river. Turns out to be almost a bucket list day as I spot the elusive, well at least for me, Pileated Woodpecker. I’m ecstatic, it is a very stunning bird. How lucky can you get. If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it. There were about 4 of them all told – see pictures.Lazy morning again. Book our cruise from Fort Lauderdale on the 30th down to Columbia and Panama canal. Sounds a really good itinerary and about £500 per person cheaper than in rip off Britain.

In the evening we try our free trial of Netflix. Not many worthwhile films but some good series. Start watching Damages – a cracking series.

Don’t you just love Christmas. The season of exploitation by the marketing Moguls. About the only time these days anyone uses the word “Christmas” there’s money involved. While the rest of the PC numpties are avoiding offending anybody by wishing “Happy Holidays”instead,  even here in this bastion of religion. Grow some balls and wish people “Merry Christmas”.

Yes here in the “land of the free” – despite having the highest incarceration rate of any country – you can even hire temporary storage for your Christmas presents according to a Christmas card left on my car windscreen. Sick – don’t you just hate Christmas cards that have been produced by the greed goblins in the marketing department. Exploitation aside its really nice to see some constants in the World in the form of the Salvation Army, tinkling their bells; wishing you a MERRY CHRISTMAS; collecting money for the needy. Restores your faith in human nature. Well worth stumping up for.

Sunday – hot and sunny.

Lazy morning sorting out changes to our itinerary due to the cruise; swapping Hertz car bookings; arranging hotels at Disney World. As an additional treat for Wendy we’re spending three nights at Disney. Anybody would think we’ve never been before, but hey ho here we go again. I’m sure the greeters will all be saying “good to see you again Mr Edwards”. Wendy’s excuse is that there’s a new Fantasy Land – yes that’s the one aimed at the tiny tots – of it’s a small world fame, I can here that song already getting on my nerves.

As usual Hertz are incredibly helpful. No cancellation fees and “no problem sir”. They even come out cheaper than their web site, pays to speak to them.

After lunch we drive down to Venice. A pleasant stroll along the pier and for the first time ever we actually get to see fishermen catching fish. Usually they just stand there staring into the sea and no signs of a fish. Then visit Venice beach. OK but nowhere near as nice as Siesta Key beach. Venice itself is a real sleepy hollow.

What all of these places seem to lack is a pleasant cafe / coffee shop. Amazing in the home of Starbucks.

Get back to the good news that not only has my Mac Air sold on eBay but the guys actually paid. 4th time lucky.

Then it’s a pleasant sit around the pool complete with Kindle.

Some more trivia for religious fruitcakes to get upset about:

Sweden’s newly appointed ambassador in Tehran has reportedly upset Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad – by crossing his legs during a meeting.

“Pointing the soles of the feet towards someone is impolite because the soles of the feet (shoe) are considered dirty, closest to the ground, closer to the devil and farther away from God. When in the presence of Muslims, be careful not to raise or cross your legs in such a way that the sole of the foot faces others in the room.”  Well worth knowing

Monday – cold and miserable.

Yes the blogs back. I’m sure all my loyal fans, all two of them, will be orgasmic with excitement.

Happy 20th birthday to SMS. Amazing innovation. Certainly not for me, my fingers aren’t sharp enough. 

Airport hotel overnight to avoid the forecast snow that somehow never materialized. Perhaps I can claim the £60 back from the Met Office for being so incompetent.

Map to APH parking is wrong. Now there’s a surprise. When I mention it to the Herberts at APH all they do is argue with me.

I see they want to tag my hand luggage, how considerate of them. Or could it be that they want to weigh it? Yes, you guessed it another ploy to try and make the airport experience even more miserable – greed conquers all.

As usual Wendy attacked the brandy bottle in the airport lounge with gusto. So much so she kept on falling off her one inch high heels as I helped her to the plane. She blames her high heels, all one inch of them. Fortunately we’re allowed on board. 

Disable wifi, phones off but oh by the way you can use your mobile on our in the air mobile service, it just happens to cost an arm and a leg but is obviously miraculous technology as it can tell wireless from the phone not to interfere with the flight systems – ain’t science / greed wonderful.

Oh and by the way we get on board retail therapy.

Why do air miles not mean miles? You think your 5,000 miles will get you across the Atlantic and nearly back, but it turns out they’re really only enough to taxi you to the runway!

Meanwhile back in multi-cultural Blackburn you’ll no doubt be delighted to know that double yellow lines outside some of the mosques, don’t really mean don’t park. No according to a local councilor, who shall remain nameless, there’s a 30 minute dispensation to park. When I get back I’m going to put in an application for a 30 minute waiver on the double yellow lines outside Number 39 my favorite Donner Kebab house.

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Early morning disaster at the Motel as I screw up on making my waffle, obviously out of practice.

 Drive down from Orlando to Sarasota just under 2 hours and no traffic jams. 

Great condo, right on the golf course. Pity it’s wasted on us. All very quiet and luxurious, with a nice pool. Looks like yet another great home exchange. 

 Just been to the supermarket and done my bit, selected my coffee, toothpaste and breakfast cereal. So now resting outside the coffee shop with coffee, free wifi and newspaper. Whilst Wendy enjoys herself in the mega mega supermarket – strange what women enjoy. 

Well I know we’ve arrived. I’m home. Sun; 80c; free wifi every where; 25M wifi in condo; big parking places; friendly people; great coffee shops; fantastic bagels; cheap quality wine. 

Why is eBay such a waste of time. We’ve had 3 failed buys on my mac air laptop. 1st silly cow backed out as there’s no box, despite accurate description. 2nd was a fraud attempt to try and get me to ship it to Nigeria. 3rd Herbert clicked on it by mistake and must have course then confirmed his mistake. Bloody eBay are useless.  Takes days of lost opportunity to go through their bureaucratic processes. Then don’t allow negative feedback – never mind I’ve left positive feedback with asterisks around it. They do nothing for the buyer. No wonder there’s so many time wasters as they don’t stamp on them. It’s so simple, if you bid then it’s a binding transaction and if you don’t buy you should be struck off. If the buyer makes the mistake they should suffer not the seller. 

Wednesday – warm and sunny.

TV news here is driving us nuts. Nothing but Kate being up the duff. No mention of Fiona and Kurt! Then you get adverts for medicines with so many caveats its a wonder anyone buys. Sales message lasts about 10 seconds and then you get 50 seconds listing all the possible side effects. 

Drive down to Main Street Sarasota. Have a walk around to try and find a tourist info office. An hour later we find it. As usual over here they’re always well hidden to avoid people using them. Must remember no won walks in America.

God are they still banging on about that bloody film. “Egyptian Christians sentenced to death for anti-Islam film,” from Reuters. CAIRO – A Cairo court on Wednesday sentenced to death seven Egyptian Christians tried in absentia for participating in an anti-Islam video that was released on the Internet in September and had prompted violent protests in many Muslim countries.

“The seven accused persons were convicted of insulting the Islamic religion through participating in producing and offering a movie that insults Islam and its prophet,”

Meanwhile I’ve come across some great photo morphing, animation and speech apps. Perhaps I could use them to produce my own muslim desensitizing movies. Perhaps we could have the Moscars to recognize the best desensitizer of the year.

Thursday – hot and sunny.

Breakfast of a fantastic granola then Blueberry Cobbler coffee by the pool.

After a leisurely morning we drive down to Siesta Key Beach. Voted the number 1 beach in America. Gorgeous fine white sands and gentle shelving sea. So very clean.

Have our lavish lunch of a melon sized apple – bigger is better in the US. Then a leisurely stroll along the beach. Afterwards a brief stroll around the village and a coffee for me while Wendy has a raspberry green tea frappes – very tasty.

BAMAKO, Mali (AP) — Timbuktu residents say that Islamist extremists controlling the city publicly whipped 6 young people, males and females aged between 16 to 22 years, who each received 100 lashes. What was their heinous crime, it must have been something serious. Yes, they were caught talking with each other on the city streets. What a religion of enlightenment and tolerance.

Thursday – warm and sunny.

Our flights not until 23:25 so we have a full day.

MTR and star ferry to Kowloon and do the open top bus tour. Today the place stinks with the smog and its sore eyes.

Exotic lunch in a sub terrainian MacD.

Then its the HK island bus tour. Stop off at the market in central. Like all the rest not really up to much. Catch the longest escalator in the world and visit a temple. More joss sticks and smoke than the already sore eyes from the smog can cope with.

Then pop back into our hotel to pick up the bags and have a free afternoon tea before getting a taxi to Central catching Airport Express MTR back to the airport.

I have to say the MTR is very impressive, especially the airport express. Fast, clean, frequent, organised and pleasant. It’s a bit like Singapore the sub-terrainian Moorloks have it all. It’s only when you’re above ground amongst the Eloi that life is seedy and heaving. Some how I think thats not quite the way H G 
Wells intended it!

Silly me. There I go again thinking I’m a customer and considering the amount of airport tax they are run for my convieniance. Arrive a tad early and of course check in desk is not open. You’ll have to wait a couple of hours. Oh by the way you could 
have checked in at anytime today at Hong Kong central or Kowloon station. Of course my British Airways travel documentation doesn’t bother to mention this. Doesn’t it seem somewhat bizarre that here I am at the airport and have to wait but can check in elsewhere early. Common sense question – why can’t I check in at the airport early? Hello, I’m a customer!

Well it seems that Heathrow Terminal 5 has found yet another way of more queues and a total lack of common sense. As you leave immigration show boarding card queue, then 10 feet further on a queue to show it again and have your photo taken. Then as you board plane it’s a show boarding card / check you match your photo queue and 5 feet further on a show your boarding card queue. Pots for rags. 

It really is about time someone got a grip on airports. A good case for some customer focus and process re-engineering.Not to forget that even though we’ve not left the terminal we’re screened yet again. Asked supervisor why and apparently its because the UK has different standards to HK. Wouldn’t expect all airports to get together and have a Worldwide standard. That would benefit the customer – heaven forbid. Lets feed a few airport bosses to the lions in the Saturday afternoon colosseum.

I digress. Marvellous pee powered generator created by 4 fourteen year olds.

Well we’ve enjoyed our 3 days in HK and glad we’ve seen it. How people live in all these high rises amazes me. Certainly not a place I’d like to live in and it has the accolade of being so much worse than Belthorn it makes me really appreciate Belthorn. 8 million people crammed in is just unbearable. It’s the worst city we’ve visited, in places it is a 3rd world hell hole and yet in others is opulent and high tech. Stinking smog doesn’t help but thats probably why you see so many wandering around with masks on as if they’ve just come out of an operating theatre.

Certainly won’t be coming back despite the amazing hotel and swish MTR.

Meanwhile some tips on HK:

In the UK the sure fire way to find a Chinese restaurant is look for Chinese writing. Doesn’t work here.
They all want to push leaflets into your hand and then jabber away in Chinese, despite the fact that you’re clearly not Chinese – get used to it.
Just because they speak some English don’t assume they understand you. They don’t.
If you go to the gents get used to the revolting sound as they have to gob before they pee.
They can’t walk in a straight line.
There is no concept of personal space.
Don’t point at people it’s considered very rude.
Littering above ground may be acceptable but no one eats, drinks or litters the MTR.
If they accept credit cards, you’re in luck, it’s polite to pass it to them with both hands.
Don’t eat the fish unless you know it’s come from abroad. Local seafood can be heavily polluted.

And just in case you thought all religious intolerance had ceased, or I’d suddenly gone all pious, how about this:

Imagine the scene: a young man is led away in handcuffs to begin a prison sentence as his mother is left crying in the courtroom. He is 19 years old, has a good job, has no previous convictions, and has never been in trouble before. These facts cut no ice with the judge, however, as the crime is judged so heinous that only a custodial sentence is deemed appropriate. The young man in question was found guilty of singing a song that mocked and ridiculed a religious leader and his followers.

So where might this shocking story originate? Was it Iran? Saudi Arabia? Afghanistan? Perhaps it was Russia, a variation of the Pussy Riot saga, without the worldwide publicity? No, the country in question is Scotland and the young man is a Rangers fan. He joined in with hundreds of his fellow football fans in singing ‘offensive songs’ which referred to the pope and the Vatican and called Celtic fans ‘Fenian bastards’.

Wednesday – hot and sunny again.

MTR to central and catch the Ferry to Lan Tau Island. Pass the Apple store and manage to resist a visit.More relaxing day planned today away from all the hustle, bustle and millions in HK, we are off to see big Buddha at Lin Po.

Catch two local buses to the big Buddha. Wot no Caucasians! Must say we’re a bit out of place as we’re the only Caucasians amongst all the locals. Something about Wendy’s shorts, shoes or toes seems to be amusing the locals on the bus – never managed to figure out what. An interesting journey. I’m not saying this place is a tad rural but as we’re stood at a bus stop the various cows strolling down the street fortunately, especially given the size of their horns, give us a wide berth.

Have a walk around the peace quiet and tranquility of the monastery grounds, a great relief after HK, then take a arduous hike up to the top of the big Buddha.

Afterwards call in for lunch at Lin Po village. I finish off coffee whilst Wendy manages to visit every shop in the village – it’s a Mars and Venus thing.

Catch the gondola back down to the MTR. It’s one of the most spectacular we’ve been on, and we’ve been on a few – alas no snow.

Then it’s MTR back to Mong Kok. Wendy wants to see the markets. This place is just teaming with people. Too many people. Where do they all come from? Even in the afternoon it’s just a seething mass of bodies everywhere. I think all 8 Million locals are out on these streets.

Do any of them work? Is it something in the Chinese genetic make up that stops them walking in straight lines? They appear to exhibit the perfect example of Brownian motion when walking and randomness increases in direct proportion to how bright it is and inversely proportional to their packing density.

On a busy sunny day you’re just ready to trample on the little buggers – PC thought police will have me stoned for that!

Mind you if I lived in one of those bloody awful tower blocks perhaps I’d be wandering the streets rather than be at home.

Fruit and veg are quite tame but then we encounter the meat and fish market. Ducks and pigeons with their heads still on seem to be popular this year; then there’s live fish in polystyrene cool boxes with a drop of water in them; then there’s fish flapping around on the pavement; then theirs mini turtles. All live and suffering before adorning someone’s plate.

Again we notice we’re the only Caucasians and the cameras a bit of a tourist status give away. Time to leave before we end up on someone’s plate.

In the evening we finally get to meet and vet Gaynor and Rudi, our home exchangers. Good news is they more than pass muster. Good job really as we’ve both just left respective houses.

They meet us for happi, happi, happi hour in our hotel. 4 beers, 3 Bacardi and coke and wine later, all free, we set off to explore Soho and find somewhere to eat. Lets hope we find one quicker than last nights miserable performance.

Little did we realise that the guys on the right were defanging my snake ready for dinner!

Finally come across a popular Chinese restaurant, it even has a Michelin commendation.. It’s full of chinese. So full that they move a couple off a table of 8 onto a small table tucked away in the corner – lets hope that when we get settled in they don’t have a party of 8 arrive or else we’ll be eating on the streets. Have to say its very chinese. We’re the only Caucasians. Snake dishes seem to dominate the menu. Rudi and I try a snake dish starter. Have to say it was very tasty. Then it’s a mixture of goose, beef and chicken dishes and obviously some rice and just to show willing I have some greens.

Quite an enjoyable meal. Certainly authentic and a good experience. Great company and a great time. Really good to meet up with them and amazing how much we have in common.

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Lets just tell a bit about the Ovolo hotel hotel we checked into last night. Yes it’s in a sleazy area. Yes, like most Hong Kong hotels the room are that small you need to leave your shoes outside. But this place is extraordinary it’s bright and modern; very comfortable; high quality fittings throughout; it has free wifi, SDSL no less at 5 megs, simple to connect to and it works; free continental breakfast that’s got everything you could want; massive flat screen TV; Apple TV; free iPad or WII to borrow; all the toiletries you can imagine; free slippers; free mini-bar, yes it’s stocked with free beers, waters and soft drinks; free tea, coffee, cakes, biscuits and fruit all day; then after 18:00 there’s happi, happi, happi hours – note the plural – when you get free beers, wine or spirits (quality products not local cheapies). No limits, just help your self.

If Apple went into the hotel business this is how I envisaged it would be. Even down to the room miniaturisation.

Forget the sleazy area, forget the small room. It’s amazing and if I’m ever stupid enough to come back to Hong Kong this is certainly where I’ll stay.

By the way if you’re confused and think this blogs been taken over by someone else I can assure you that this is still Victor here.

Enough of the hotel advert and back to our travels.

Up early and catch the MTR into central and go for a walk around as per the guide book. Try to find the Tourist Info office but its moved and there’s not one anywhere to be seen. Apparently they’re discreetly hidden and away from the central area – common sense SNAFU strikes again.

Have a walk to Statue square as per our out of date guide book. Sorry, can’t see the square as its all boarded up getting ready for winterfest. I suppose as its not a Christian country you can forgive them for this excessive PC.

Finally find our way up to the Peak Tram. Catch it up to the peak for stunning views over HK. That’s where they subtly hide one of the tourist offices. Cash only here. Perhaps that explains why they have 1 person serving and 3 people counting the cash up. What Luddites!

Just goes to show nothing’s for ever. Up to 1888 there was a flourish trade in sedan chair carriers taking you up to the Peak. Then along came the tram and the carriers went out of business – move with the times, keep up with the technology.

Then we spot a hop on / off tour bus. Of course if there been a tourist office in central we’d have known about this and saved the cost of the tram, as the bus tour included it.

Hop on the bus and do the green tour down to the South of the Island. Stop off at Stanley – what a coincidence there’s a market there. Nice seaside resort. Break a law of retirement and have a cool, refreshing beer.

Bus tour of the south of the island is so much more pleasant and relaxing than the hustle and bustle of HK Island.

For the evening we catch the Star ferry (free tickets from the bus tour) across to Kowloon TST – don’t expect me to spell it. Have a stroll down Nathan road, the golden mile. It’s bloody awful. 
Where do all these people come from? Just can’t believe how many seedy shops there are and yet there’s more Rolex shops 

than there are Muslim fundamentalist at a blasphemy riot.

After about two hours we finally manage to find a Chinese restaurant. Full of locals. Have a passable authentic Chinese meal and drinks all for £14.

Visit the Temple Street night market – the objective of our visit down the Nathan Road. More tat and really not worth the effort.

Catch the MTR back. Tired and weary. Thank Dawkins for the free beers in our room.