Tony & Wendy's Travel Blog

Thursday – hot 79C and sunny.

Up early to return the Hertzmobile. 35 minutes in the office getting my two free day vouchers accepted. Bloody marvellous they send me these vouchers as a reward. Delighted by them. Then they screw it up by needing 3 of them and 2 phone calls to try and resolve it. Loose the will to live, leave it with them. Computer says no! Why don’t they empower their employees?

Catch the tram into the city from the airport. Clean, fast and efficient.

Quest to find the visitors centre. Another city, another well hidden visitors centre. 3 web sites / apps and it takes me 30 minutes to find an address. Obscure office on the 13th floor off 2nd street. Not a sign on their maps, no you can’t call them maps because they have no scale, no compass, no key to all the symbols – obviously drawn by a 4 year old and checked by a blind man. Not a sign on their notice boards around town, most of which don’t even tell you  You are here”. I ask if they really want visitors but of course, “it’s a problem on our radar”. Bear in mind this is the main office and they have a stand with about 20 brochures on, 3 of which are on health and safety, I ask is this all that Minneapolis has to offer, seems a tad sparse. I won’t bother you with the pathetic response. Thank god it’s not  my taxes paying for these dilettantes. Memo to self, check signage and maps for Blackburn visitors centre when I get home, perhaps its a World Wide phenomena.

Troop up to the other visitors centre at the other end of town, at least they have more brochures and information. Interesting that both visitors centres are well outside the central area. Stiil the walks done us good.

Have a 4 hour walk around downtown to get a flavour of Minneapolis. Despite the crap visitors centre it’s lovely. Vibrant, clean; lovely buildings; Sky walks between most of the building, not something we’re used to or bother taking advantage of but in winter I imagine they’re a godsend; free bus service up and down the main street; a lot going on; buskers; beggars, one cheeky, but probably honest chappie, even had the traditional  ardboard sign, but his said “Need a cold beer”. Sidewalk cafes are teaming. Union Jacks are flying in abundance at one location – good on ya. Brit Pub – we’ll pass on that – also has a Union Jack flying. This is a lovely city even surpasses Portland and thankfully not as busy and noisy as Chicago. Really like it.

After exploring up and down the city we cross the river back to our luxury apartment.

What can I say about our home exchange. It’s a luxury 5th floor apartment, two bedrooms with balcony, upstairs is a large rooftop with chairs and the all-American giant barbie for communal use, both overlooking the city and the Mississippi river in a lovely district. As you can see the apartment is luxuriously  ppointed, everything is top quality; lovely wooden floors; matching wooden fittings; sound system throughout; gorgeous bathrooms; superb kitchen; 10Mbps wifi; Smart TV; and the piece de resistance, even has Apple TV and iPod docks. Also comes with a luxury Lexus saloon to drive. Apartment views are fantastic and relaxing. Awesome – not a word I use very often, but learnt it in America. 

Friday – warm with sun and cloud.

Bike ride around Minneapolis today. Ride down the side of the Mississippi to the Midtown Greenway a Bike and Footpath motorway through town, complete with on and off ramps; motorway signs; roadworks; detours; speed limits; gardens down the side; cafes; bike repair stations. Only thing missing is cars.

Stop off at Lake Calhoun for lunch. Very relaxing, even break my 1st Law of retirement and have a Pils at lunch – proper one of course. Then it’s a ride around Lake of the Isles to the Kenilworth Regional Trail up to Downtown and back to our apartment n time for afternoon tiffin. a lovely 5 hours on the bikes and all done on proper cycle paths, even better than in France and even better still no French.

Another great day in Minneapolis. Really like this city.

Yet more festivals. Do they schedule them and parades in honour of our visits. Tomorrow is the  tart of “The Stone Arch Bridge Festival”, right here on historic Main Street just under our balcony. It’s 2 days of music, art, food and entertainment. Right under our very noses. 

Sadly I have discovered two crappy laws here in Minneapolis:

No wine in the supermarkets, but at least the liquor stores are well stocked and not too greedy.

Tried to buy a beer for lunch at the Tin Fish  ut they have to sell you a snack to get around the local licensing laws – pots for rags – buy a $0.50 packet of peanuts. If they had any sense they’d sell a single peanut for $0.01, that’d be one in the eye for common sense. Do politicians not realise that America has a serious obesity problem and encouraging people to eat is not going to solve it?

Here we go again. Looks like the people of the book (Christians) have caught the blasphemy disease:

Christians complain about an Indian song and dance number where actress wears a rosary necklace.

Mumbai christians have whinged at what it termed a blasphemous song and dance number featuring starlet Kavitta Verma, likely to be shown in the forthcoming Bollywood movie Policegiri .

The Catholic Secular Forum (CSF), has written to the movie producers and the Censor Board protesting the scantily-clad Kavitta allegedly performing the item number wearing a rosary with its cross positioned on her belly. The perennial whinger, CSF general secretary Joseph Dias, told IANS:

The community is concerned. The rosary which she is shown wearing around her neck has its cross positioned on her belly,

Terming this as totally unacceptable, Dias  xplained that Christians respect the rosary which they use to intercede with Mary, the mother of Jesus, and reflect in prayer. He said that the producer of the movie, TP Aggarwal, had assured them that the objectionable scenes would not be shown in the movie, due for release July 5.

However, Dias said that in case the producer still goes ahead and depicts the scene, the CSF would initiate criminal proceedings against the makers of the movie.

Need some de-sensitising training. What is it with religions. Certainly brings out the freaks. 

Monday – Grey and warm.

Pick up Hertzmobile as we leave Chicago. Drive over to Iowa to explore Des Moines on our way up to Minneapolis.

Iowa seems a lot like Idaho boring straight roads and nothing but farms and fields.

Call off at Amana village a village founded by an 18th century German religious sect who fled Germany to escape persecution. Village is a bit like the Amish.

Typical touristy village with lots of shops selling stuff that no one in their right mind needs nor wants.

Why is it that most of the staff can’t even crack a smile. They’re sat there all day, must be bored out of their tree, yet when a visitor comes in you’re lucky if they can bother speaking. Don’t expect a smile or a welcome. One exception was the visitors centre, she did smile and welcome us.

And as for that dam bakery and coffee shop we went in. Well when they said they’d have to put some coffee on, I nearly cracked up, it should have been the acid test to say go elsewhere. But no we persevered. Wendy asked for a tea. Eccentric I know. No earl grey. Then she had  he brazen audacity to ask for milk in her tea – not bloody half and half as these philistines offered. She was told she could buy a bottle of milk out the fridge. Unbelievable, it’s a wonder we didn’t have to go out back and pay to milk a cow. Unfortunately I wasn’t with her or I’d have been voting with my feet. Obviously this surly serving wench had studied at the Neanderthal school of charm. She’d be brilliant in a John Cleese training video on how not to serve customers.

Exciting day as Apple are due to make product announcements at the WWDC2013. What new goodies will they have in store for us? Overall a bit of a damp squid product wise. No new IPhone; no mention of the mythical Apple TV; no mention of the mysterious Apple watch.

Laws in Minnesota:

Oral sex is prohibited.

All bathtubs must have feet.

Airplanes may not be landed in city parks.

Residents of even numbered addresses may not water their plants on odd-numbered days excluding the thirty first day where it applies.

It shall be the duty of any policeman or any other officer to enforce the provisions of this Section, and if any cat is found running at large, or which is found in any street, alley or public place, it shall be the duty of any policeman or other officer of the city to kill such cat.

Here we go, here we go, here we go: 

Friday – warm and sunny.

Up and off down to the Science Museum, on the bus no less. As you would expect it has to have a superlative – biggest in the Western Hemisphere.

Yes it is big. 4 floors and it is the best we’ve ever been to. So many things to see and do. There a full size Pullman train and carriages; steam locomotive; German Uboat; Coal Mine. Lots of demonstrations also. The best was how to isolate / see your DNA, using just things you’d have in the kitchen. We only had 4 hours there. Should have got there first thing as you need at least a day. Only down side was that quite a few of the bigger exhibits such as UBoat Tour; Coal Mine; Inside Animals were chargeable extras – typical greed.

Then on the way home we call in at “Standing Room Only” to pick up my dinner. Yes’ it’s another Chicago culinary speciality, hot dog complete with all the trimmings and mustard – apparently never with ketchup. OK but nothing spectacular.

Driving in America – the good and the mad:

Good – nearly all cars are automatic, apart from the one I’m currently loaning. Yes I know most Brits think it’s unmanly and sissy to drive an automatic, but get over it why have the bother? We don’t need to double de clutch; advance and retard the spark; control manual chokes. Oh yes I forgot a manual gives you control – balderdash. Roll on the day when a computer does the job for us and we just punch in the co-ordinates.

Good – right turn on red at traffic lights. Makes sense. A tad un-nerving and you have to remember to do it otherwise you get horn blasted. 

Bad – signs saying you can’t turn on red. They can be easy to miss. Especially if they’re behind you!

Mad – Chicago seems to delight in putting bus stops at traffic lights. Good for the poor lazy mites, stops them having to use their legs. But in such a busy city creates even more traffic chaos.

Bad – stop signs. I never know how many ways they are. Then you have to remember who came 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc. But the mad ones are having stop signs on the main road for a road joining from the side – priorite adroit.

Good – middle duelling with death lanes to enable left turns.

Good – pull out or slow down when passing vehicle on the hard shoulder. Although I wonder how many more accidents are created by pulling out.

Good – undertaking, no not the funeral kind. Again a bit un-nerving but on a 6 lane highway probably makes sense.

More stupidity in Iowa:

It is illegal to read persons palms in the city limits.

Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.

The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.

The “Ice Cream Man” and his truck are banned.

A poll conducted by the research bureau of Maurice de Hond (the Dutch equivalent of Gallup), commissioned by the PVV, among a representative sample of over 1,900 people in Holland reveals that:

More than three quarters of the Dutch (77 percent) believe that Islam is no enrichment for our country. More than two-thirds – 68 percent – say that there is enough Islam in the Netherlands. It is striking that a majority of voters from all political parties (from PVV to VVD, CDA, D66, PvdA, SP and 50plus) share this view.

A majority of 55 percent favours stopping immigration from Islamic countries

63 percent say: no new mosques.

72 percent favor a constitutional ban on Sharia law in the Netherlands.

64 percent say that the arrival of immigrants from Islamic countries has not been beneficial to the Netherlands.

Nearly three-quarters – 73 percent – of all Dutch see a relationship between Islam and the recent terror acts in Boston, London and Paris.

Perhaps Gallup should conduct a similar poll in the UK. Remember we’re one of the World most  acially tolerant countries. For a long time is has been claimed that anti-Islamic opinions are extremist. It is clear now that a majority of Dutch people supports them!

Saturday – warm and sunny.

Wendy wants to buy a Patchwork quilt for Jasper and after weeks of searching and phone calls has found a yuppie shop in North Chicago that sells them. So it’s a ride on the Brown line around the loop, on a train that looks like a childs toy train, set on a noisy overhead track – amazed it doesn’t come off as it snakes around corners with screaming wheels. Finally find the shop and after opening up every quilt in the shop, deliberating for what seemed like hours she finally settles on one. Thank Zeus for that, at last!

Then it’s squealing train back to Adams to go to the Blues Festival and have our lavish picnic on the lawn sat on our stylish bin liners. The place is buzzing and there’s about 4 different bands on various temporary stages. People have bought their chairs, giant coolers, tables and of course plenty of booze. All for free and everyone having a great time. Good having so many bands on but it seems a shame that the two main stages with plenty of comfortable seating are not in use for any of them, would have been so much nicer to sit in comfort.

Then we head back and call in at the Literary Festival that’s on for two days in our neighbourhood. Again another free Festival. Food for sale; drinks and a live group. As you would  xpect mainly publishers, book shops and 2nd hand book sellers – not a Kindle or Nook to be seen anywhere apart from a lone Sprint stall selling smart phones and Samsung tablets. Came across a poetry stall. Completely lost on this philistine. I still struggle with why they teach it in schools.

We can tell its Saturday in Chicago again the Bible belt is here in town again with their posters condemning us to hell fire and damnation; on street conversions for those who want to repent their sins and avoid hell fires. Anyone for Pascal’s Wager? Surprising how many of these bible bashers are youngsters and not your average middle aged widow. Good luck to them, but live and let live. Leave us sinners to drink and enjoy life as we see fit, without having their anti-deluvial ways forced on the rest of us. God bless the 1st. 

I wonder how long paper books, booksellers and publishers will last with the digital onslaught. As long as those greedy, tax evading, lying, rip off merchants at Amazon charge such ridiculous prices for Kindle books i’m sure they’ll be safe for a while. Eventually and somewhat sadly they’ll go the way of the DoDo and the Luddites. How can Amazon seriously expect anyone with half a brain to believe that the cost of printing, paper, distribution of books is negligible compared to an electronic book. It’s just a brazen insult to their customers intelligence. The sooner their proprietary solutions and monopolies are dismantled the better. Then we’ll start to really reap the benefits of eBooks.

End the day with a real treat, no it’s not another Chicago culinary delight, it’s even better, a bottle  f Hofbrau – a proper beer not like the coloured water they serve around here. Bodacious, awesome, rad, epic and wicked – words fail me. Why can’t I buy this in England?

A few more eccentricities in Iowa:

Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.

No person may pick a flower from a city park.

All softball diamond lights must be turned off by 10:30 PM.

One must obtain written permission from the City Council before throwing bricks into a highway.

Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

Whenever one asks Muslims to prove their religion and prophet to be true, all of them answer in a similar and very absurd and illogical way. They explain:

 Muslim: Muhammad is a true prophet because the Quran says so.

Inquirer: What is the evidence that the Quran is true and divine?

Muslim: The Quran is true because Allah says so.

Inquirer: How do you to be certain that Allah is the true God and the Quran is His divine words?

Muslim: Allah is the true God because Muhammad said so.

Inquirer: And how do you know what Muhammad was true?

Muslim: Muhammad is true because the Quran says so.

This is called circular logic, proving something from its own source. It is like saying: I am the God, and the evidence for this is that I am saying so.

Sunday – warm and sunny.

A lazy last day. Wendy has a clean up and packs.

Then in the afternoon we have a wander down to the Literary Festival. Full of the arty farty brigade. Book and poetry readings, totally lost on this philistine.

Wendy goes to the knitting shop to get some help on her knitting in the round.

Then its afternoon tea and a Kindle on the balcony. 9 floors up, pleasant but oh so noisy from the air conditioners and of course the never ending emergency vehicles. Just one scrot on a Harley pales into insignificance in the cacophony all around us. Still no excuse they should be prosecuted.

We’ve really enjoyed our time in Chicago. Living in Belthorn you’re not big city people, but have to say Chicago was very pleasant. Lots of free cultural events to say nothing of the culinary delights. Really enjoyed it but ready to move on. Let’s hope Minneapolis is a tad quieter.

Let’s get ready for Minneapolis laws:

The land of 10,000 lakes declares mosquitos a public nuisance.

It is illegal to stand around any building without a good reason to be there.

A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.

It is illegal to sleep naked.

All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts.

Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.

Now we’re all literally up shit creak when flying:

Suicide bomber (in case you’re wondering which religion – the religion of peace of course) had hidden the bomb inside his rectum.

Afterward, the counterterrorism unit of Europol, Europe’s police agency, warned that airlines might have to tighten their screening procedures because a rectal bomb could escape detection by normal X-ray scanning machines.

“The sensitivity and power of these machines would need to be increased or reviewed, in order to overcome shielding of the device by the human body,” Europol’s report said.

So in future when you go trough airport security and you feel your innards frying as you pass through the higher powered scanners, or you hear the slap of rubber gloves being donned and are asked to bend over, you’ll know why. Perhaps it might not be too bad if they applied some common sense and PROFILED! Now that might make the so called moderate Muslims a tad more vocal against the fundamentalists.

Wednesday – warm, sun and cloud.

Take a metro to Oak Street and then walk to Oak Street Beach. Have a pleasant 3 hour stroll down the Lake Shore path to the Art Museum. Use a membership card to get free access. It’s massive with hundreds, nay thousands of exhibits. After a hour and a half we’ve just about covered the ground floor and still not sen a single painting.

Can’t help noticing the number of armed security guards. What a disturbing thought. It’s bad enough having armed police – especially when you consider that some police force reject candidates who score too high on an IQ test. But arming minimum wage security guards seems like a recipe for carnage.

Then it’s back to the Loft for coffee followed by another exciting and expensive trip to Wholefooods (think Marks and Spencers on steroids).

We’re off to Iowa on Monday so we’d better brush up on their laws:

One-armed piano players must perform for free.

Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.

It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.

A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.

A board was created to regulate among other things, hearing aids.

Full text of a very interesting article on Political Islam by a Muslim. Summed up as:

Multiculturalism has become a cover for Islamist penetration of the West. The foe is formidable and has already taken hold in our backyards. Political Islam is on the rise in the U.K. and Europe, where some cities have installed “Sharia Zones.” There are entire areas of Norway where non-Muslims are not safe.

If there is one country that truly “gets it,” it is Israel. They understand the powerful force of Political Islam, and have vast experience in determining the enemy. They are a powerful ally in understanding this volatile situation.

The weeding out of Islamism and the Islamist threat lodged inside the West is the essential prerequisite, or the first step, in defeating global Jihadi warfare of Islamists and in helping the Muslim world reconcile itself with the modern values of science, democracy and human rights.

To do this, we need to follow the lead of our Israeli allies and look with clear eyes into the nature of Political Islam and have a frank conversation without fear of political correctness.

Thursday – grey and miserable. Rain in the morning but picks up after lunch.

Lazy morning. Then mid afternoon it’s stopped raining so we venture out to finish off our tour of the Art Museum – you can tell its free. This time we do the paintings floor.

Awesome Van Gough’s, Monet’s, Pissario’s etc. Then we venture into the Modern Art section. What can we say. Well plenty really. I know arts meant to invoke a response and in this case the response is one of incredulity and hilarity. We keep on cracking up laughing. Better still when you hear some of the arty farty brigade discussing these wastes of space, it’s almost impossible not to crack up laughing.

Let’s describe some of the exhibits, a framed blank white canvas, I had to ask one of the attendants if it was really an exhibit; a 5 ft by 5 ft canvas with a few scribblings in pencil on and some dollops of paint, only cost $5.8 million; a table and chair with a laptop playing a cretinous video; a big canvas painted orange; two rectangle of wood, one orange, one green; the usual really silly paintings, loads of them, with paint splattered all over it; a black canvas with a date printed in white on it, not even a significant date in history; a colourful pile of sweets in a corner, yes you guessed it edible art, you can have one. Wendy triggers off an alarm when she sits on what she thinks is a bench – see pink bench picture – and it turns out it’s an expensive exhibit.

In fairness there are some Modern Art exhibits that are good.

My summary “People are seriously taking the piss here. It’s a joke”.

Wendy sums it up with “Like overpaid footballers they just slap something down and charge a fortune for it because they’re famous”.

I had to check on the way out who paid for these exhibits. Fortunately for the citizens of the USA, Illinois and Chicago in particular you can rest easy. They’re paid for by donations from numbskulls who have more money than sense. A pity they don’t walk out onto the streets, just 200 feet thats all, and use some of that money to reduce the number of beggars on the street. It’s just obscene stupidity, words fail me. $5.8 million for some scrawl.

Catch the Metro up to Portillo’s. This is a pilgrimage to have an Italian Beef Sandwich, dipped of course. I exercise some restraint and resist a “double dip”. I’ve hankered to try one of these for years since I first heard of them – almost a bucket list item. For you culinary education here’s a description of this classic example of American cuisine at it’s peak:

An Italian beef is a sandwich of thin slices of seasoned roast beef, dripping with meat juices, on a dense, long Italian-style roll, which originated in Chicago where its history dates back at least to the 1930s. The bread itself is often dipped (or double-dipped) into the juices the meat is cooked in, and the sandwich is typically topped off with Chicago-style giardiniera (called “hot”) or sauteed, green Italian sweet peppers (called “sweet”).

It was awesome. All that’s left now is to try a classic Chicago Hot Dog.

Then to top the day off we go to the Chicago blues festival in the awesome outdoor Millennium park – you have to see the architecture of this place to believe it. Proper seats. Drinks, including alcohol for sale, even a signer for the deaf. I know it may be a tad non PC to ask but if you’re deaf why would you come to a concert?

All free and there’s 4 days of it if you’re so inclined. My second only rock concert in my lifetime. At least at this one I can’t demand my money back – mind you unlike Bob Dylan these artists have some personality.

More Iowa laws to inspire:

Ministers must obtain a permit to carry their liquor across state lines.

Doctors who treat a person with gonorrhea must report this to the local board of health and include the disease’s “probable origin”.

All boxes used to pick hops must be exactly 36 inches long.

Tanning bed facilities must warn of the risk of getting a sunburn.

Liquor stores may not place advertisements for beer outside the store.

The “moderate” Muslims of today are about as effective in stemming the tide of savagery as the anti-Nazi “good Germans” were.

The law on incitement to racial hatred in a nutshell; it’s very easy to understand. Just remember that if you are in London, and you are a known Islamist living on benefits, you cannot be arrested for inciting racial hatred when you say the poor, murdered Woolwich soldier will burn in hell. However, if you are in Wales, and you are a hard-working T-shirt seller, you can be arrested for inciting racial hatred – if you ask people to obey our laws, and stop killing soldiers in Woolwich.

Monday – sunny and just a nice temperature.

Catch the subway up to the canal. Amazed how clean and pleasant the subway was. Even had two guys playing music.

Did a 90 minute Architectural Boat tour of the Chicago canals. Docent was very informative and opened our eyes to some of the amazing architecture. That’s our cultural overdose over with for the day.

Then walk up the Miracle Mile to the Hancock Tower. It’s $18 each to go to the observation floor at the top, I’ve been on a previous hardworking business trip. Wendy’s not that keen so instead we catch the lift up to the Signature bar on the 96th floor. Get some awesome views and cost us nothing – see pictures. May well come back one evening when views of the city at night will be even more stunning and who knows we may even buy a drink. Certainly cheaper than the $18.

Walk back down the “Miracle Mile” and all the way home despite our 7 day travel pass. Certainly the best way to see Chicago is on foot or on the canal.

Arrive home after a 6 hour jaunt tired and ready for some wine. Sit on the balcony reading enjoying the late afternoon sun, coffee and the views. Not so impressed with the city noise.

I’ve already commented about the beggars, sorry pan handlers, in Chicago but today I got time to do an impromptu survey while Wendy browsed the Disney store. I reckon that this one woman who had “4 children and had lost her job etc..” made about $30 and hour on the brief 5 minute unscientific sample I witnessed. Better than working on a minimum wage job or as a Phd researcher into cancer – somethings wrong somewhere! Then to my amazement as we strolled back down the “Miracle Mile”, exactly on the opposite side of the street of the first women, was another women with the same message scrawled on a similar piece of cardboard. Can you buy these cardboard messages ready one in Staples?

In one respect Chicago is similar to Belthorn, they just can’t forecast the weather accurately more than a few hours ahead.

The last of the loony laws in and around Illinois:

Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.

Trucks may only park inside closed garages.

Basketball hoops may not be instaled on a driveway.

Citizens are taxed because it rains on their property.

It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals.

WORLD VALUES SURVEY: ISLAMIC AND MUSLIM DENSE COUNTRIES AMONGST THE WORLD’S MOST RACIST

Map shows world’s ‘most racist’ countries (and the answers may surprise you)

Hong Kong, Bangladesh, Jordan and India named least tolerant countries

U.S., Britain, Canada and South America are among the least racist 0 to 4.9%

Survey asks people if they would want neighbours of a different race

Britain is one of the most racially tolerant countries on the planet, a survey claims.

People in the UK are also tolerant of other differences such as speaking a foreign language or practising an alternative religion – for example, fewer than two per cent of Britons would object to having neighbours of a different faith to them.

Interesting. Perhaps next time any of the Liberal Do Gooders or Racial Thought Police are kicking off in the UK they might reflect on this first. 

Now here’s a lovely word I cam across – OCCUTARD – not in the 18 tomb Oxford dictionary but in the Urban Dictionary:

Spoiled brats that blame hard-working, successful people for magically causing the failures of their own lives. Occutards have been coddled by their parents from birth and given everything they want without being expected to work for it. Now grown, they expect the government to arrive in place of their parents and provide everything their hearts desire for free. Their ultimate goal is to create the occutard utopia in which the nanny-state plunders money from the productive members of society and “redistributes” it to them, removing any necessity to ever work.

Tuesday – warm and very sunny.

Set off for a walk to the Art Institute. It was such a lovely day we just walked through Millennium Park, along the shore, and walked and walked and walked. Too nice to spend in a museum. Did manage a Starbuck sat on the pavement, deafened by the overhead Loop train.

Really getting to like Chicago – mind you weather helps – it so pleasant, clean, wide streets, awesome parks, busy but such a pity about the noise.

In the evening we went to Lou Malnatis, famous Chicago Pizza restaurant, just round the corner from us. I had “The Malnati Chicago Classic” deep dish pizza with extra Pepperoni and spicy giardineria (whatever they are). I’ve never tasted tomatoes so sweet. Best restaurant pizza ever. Quite exceptional especially we usually avoid Pizza in the USA as it’s certainly not one of their strong points. Nearly as good as Wendy’s home made Pizza.

Food wise that’s two best ever’s for Chicago. I remember back in about 2003 on a business trip being wined and dined and having a Porterhouse stake in a famous steak restaurant – that famous I can’t remember it, mind you I wasn’t paying – the best steak I’ve ever had.

Then caught the Metro – CTA – up to the Steppenwolf Theatre. We feel real outcasts and odd balls as we’re the only ones without iPhone, iPad, Smartphone, Kindle, ubiquitous white ear phones or laptop.

Obviously a classy district, as you come up out of the CTA there’s a famous place of worship – an Apple Store. They have such a simple, clean design for all their stores.

Typical modern concrete and breeze block playhouse, compact and comfortable. $20 last minute tickets, good seats. Oh so civilised though. You can take your drinks to your seats and no rip off programme prices, they’re free.

The play was “Head of Passes” based in Louisiana, deep South. What language was that play in? Black Louisiana’ese me thinks  My “Teach Yourself American” never prepared me for that. Oh and before the namby pamby PC brigade go screaming off to report me to the thought police I should point out that over here that don’t seem to have a problem with that word black – dam me no, I’ve said it again.

Fantastic effect at the end of the first half the whole house just suddenly slopes down. How did they do that on such a small stage?

Worried about memory loss. Well this science museum explains it  all. Apparently as we get older we’ve more information stored in our brains so it takes longer to find. Just like a computer having to search through a bigger disk drive. Hmm….!

TROLL

One who purposely and deliberately (that purpose usually being self-amusement) starts an argument in a manner which attacks others on a forum without in any way listening to the arguments proposed by his or her peers. He will spark of such an argument via the use of ad hominem attacks (i.e. ‘you’re nothing but a fanboy’ is a popular phrase) with no substance or relevence to back them up as well as straw man arguments, which he uses to simply avoid addressing the essence of the issue.

Here’s a dam good reason not to go to Egypt:

An Egyptian court has convicted a Coptic Christian lawyer in the southern province of Assiut on charges of blasphemy and sentenced him to one year in prison with hard labor.
The verdict against Roman Murad Saad was handed down on Saturday. It’s the latest in a surge of blasphemy cases following Egypt’s 2011 uprising.
Saad was sentenced in absentia. If he’s arrested or surrenders to authorities, he will be given a retrial and will have to pay 10,000 Egyptians pounds (around $1,400) in fines.
Court officials say Saad was found guilty of ridiculing Islam’s holy book, the Quran, at a lawyers’ union library. No further details were immediately available in the case.

That’s another country on my avoid at all costs list.

Don’t you just love the sheer stupidity of religious fruitcakes:

‘Nothing to do with us, guv. It was Jesus Christ who organised an attack on The Gays’, says priest

ONE of two Orthodox priests charged with violently disrupting an anti-homophobia rally in Tblisi on May 17 claimed at a court hearing on Friday that the affray had been instigated by Jesus Christ.

Hundred of anti-gay protesters, including a sizeable gang of priests, attacked a few dozen gays who took part in the rally. Some are alleged to have threatened rally participants with bunches of stinging nettles.

Saturday – warm but overcast.

Now we’ve found it we walk down to the visitors centre for a free – my I do like that word – guided walking tour of the Cultural Centre and the Downtown loop. Alas not one of the best walking tours.

Chicago seems a pleasant enough as cities go. Not as oppressive as New York. Starbucks on every corner; overhead loop metro noise is deafening; beggars sorry pan handlers; homeless asleep on the pavements;  busy busy busy; noisy but at least there’s no Harley Davidson noise.  

Then walk down to Navy Pier. Chicago’s equivalent of Blackpool by the Lake. Glad we’ve got that over and done with.

On the way visit the free – that word again – Turkish Festival. Dancing, music and of course a merchandising opportunity for food; drink, including alcohol; Turkish tat.

Then walk all the way back. 6 hours walking. We splash out on a 7 day travel ticket, thats when we can find somewhere that sells them. Metro personnel are clueless, don’t know where they are sold. 

Get back to our loft knackered after a hard days walking and just as the heavens open up.

Love being in America but there are some things that drive you nuts, such as:

Numpties who serve you in shops or interface with the public. Very low level of training, intelligence or empowerment. I’m sure they’re not all thick as a Hill Billy in a rocking chair but management treat them as if they are – I blame Henry Ford.

Answering the phone when serving you. Do they not appreciate it as being just dammed ignorant and queue jumping.

Signs and directions, especially in car parks. They seem to all work on the principle that everyone knows this place so why bother with a sign telling you where things are.

Inconsistency of Turn on Red.

Positioning of Stop signs that seem to defy common sense and are confusing as to how many ways.

More laws in and around Illinois:

Jostling others is illegal.

No bicyclist may practice “fancy riding” on any city street.

No person may keep a smelly dog.

There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.

It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.

Turkey steps towards a sharia alcohol ban via onerous legal restrictions

In a sudden but not surprising move last week, the Turkish parliament rushed through repressive legislation that, once approved by the president, Abdullah Gul, will restrict alcohol sales and drinking in Turkey.

The planned laws would ban retail sales between 10pm and 6am, ban all alcohol advertising and promotion, and stop new shops and bars from opening within 100m of schools and mosques.

As is already the case with smoking, the depiction of alcohol consumption in films and on television would be blurred.

Well despite the Turkish Festival here the country was already on my list of countries not to visit because of draconian free speech laws but this just shows the way it’s going. Considering Turkey is a democratic, SECULAR, unitary, constitutional republic it seems strange. Mind you it is 97% Muslim, Allah forbid (that’s me on a Fatwas / death list) that they should ever be allowed to join the EU.

Sunday – cool and overcast. 

Women on checkout just loved my accent and wanted to talk to me all day. I actually think it was my young lithe body she really liked as she found it difficult, yet again, to believe I was over 21. Even my driving license was not enough, she had to call a supervisor, who had been specially trained, and was allowed to make a judgement call on my age. How insulting to the intelligence of your staff. Mind you what can you expect from a French owned store!

We were going to watch a team called the Cubs, I think they’re some sort of junior team, play a game of Rounders at Wrigley Field, but its a tad too overcast and cool.

Instead decide on a relaxing day in after we nip out for some supplies and wool for Wendy’s knitting. Fortunately Starbucks are designed with men in mind as they’re the perfect antidote for shopping. Sit and have a coffee and read whilst Wendy enjoys herself wandering around the shops examining every item; double checking sell by dates; having a strop about bad service; giving queue jumper / scrots the sharp edge of her tongue.

More lunacy in Illinois:

A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow.

Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kriland’s streets.

Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited.

There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.

It is against the law to make faces at dogs.

You may not own a handgun.

Bet the NRA love the last one!

Don’t you just love the probability theory expressed in Pascal’s wager:

It posits that humans all bet with their lives either that God exists or does not exist. Given the possibility that God actually does exist and assuming the infinite gain or loss associated with belief in God or with unbelief, a rational person should live as though God exists and seek to believe in God. If God does not actually exist, such a person will have only a finite loss (some pleasures, luxury, etc.).

The philosophy uses the following logic:

“God is, or He is not”
A Game is being played… where heads or tails will turn up.
According to reason, you can defend neither of the propositions.
You must wager. (It’s not optional.)
Let us weigh the gain and the loss in wagering that God is. Let us estimate these two chances. If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing.
Wager, then, without hesitation that He is. (…) There is here an infinity of an infinitely happy life to gain, a chance of gain against a finite number of chances of loss, and what you stake is finite. And so our proposition is of infinite force, when there is the finite to stake in a game where there are equal risks of gain and of loss, and the infinite to gain.

Thursday – hot and sunny.

Drive up from Indianapolis to Chicago. A pleasant 3 hour drive. Although our SatNav seemed to determined to take us a tour around the BP Refinery in Gary, Indiana. A depressing industrial area but they have to make the petrol for these gas guzzlers somewhere.

Civilisation at last. How do I know? Well Taco Bells; Starbucks on nearly every corner; wine on the shelves in supermarket; fewer blobies;  and of course the final nail in the Bible belt / Hill Billy coffin, Apples stores – note the “s” on the end, plural, more than one. Not to say we didn’t really enjoy the South or Tennesssee.

Now we have a great new experience, a spacious converted 9th floor loft in the Print District within the Downtown Loop of Chicago – see pictures. This is really going to test our metal as we’re not really city people so it will be an interesting experience. Never really stayed so high up in the heart of a city. We have a car available to us but it’s going to be mainly walk or public transport. Great wifi 20Megs, refreshing. No need to arse around getting on and staying on. A free pet in the form of a 19 year old little cat called Leda. She’s real cute, quite affectionate and no trouble. Nice to have a pet.

Roberta and Jerry are librarians so as you can imagine there are thousands of books in their library. Not a Kindle anywhere. I even have all 18 tombs of the Oxford English Dictionary at my disposal – perhaps there’s hope for the survival of the English language after all. Get to meet them for a couple of hours as they hand over their place and show us where everything is.

We’ve a South facing balcony looking down on Downtown Chicago, that’s if you’re brave enough. On the street corner there’s a Starbucks.

As you can imagine Chicago’s busy, traffic, sirens and city noise. The noisiest out there seems to be the drone of air conditioning system. It’s going to be an interesting experience for two country folk from the wilds, cattle, sheep and quiet of rural Belthorn. Fortunately the loft is reasonable quiet once the balcony door is shut and of course is fully air conditioned.

A few more laws in and around Illinois we need to be wary of:

Kites may not be flown within the city limits.

In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.

It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.

Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.

Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.

It is illegal to wear sagging pants in Collinsville.

Don’t you just love this last one. How do the youngster, and scum boarders, with their crotch around their knees and their stained underpants on display to all cope.

Muslims if the Quran is the literal word of Allah then why?

Would Allah an all knowing God leave it open for interpretation for Fundamentalists to use?

Also why are there contradictions when God himself wrote it also why no cures for H.I.V, Cancer or Palsy. Why does it state to slay the infidels and to lay in wait for Christians and Jews to slay them. The religion of peace can have no excuse seeing these are the literal words of

Friday – warm and sunny.

Have a walk down to the Visitors centre. Well hidden – aren’t they all – no signs. Of course everyone would know it’s in the Culture Centre.

Nip out to supermarket to stock up. Wholefoods the American equivalent of M&S, expensive, but with fantastic choice of foods.

Joys of driving in downtown Chicago, on the wrong side of the road in a manual car. Ok until you try changing gear with the window winder, if it had one. Major problem starting it; turn key doesn’t work; make sure it’s in neutral doesn’t work; foot on brake doesn’t work; get out and swear at it doesn’t work. Call owner for the magic incantation. Foot on brake and clutch, then turn key. How quirky is that! Mind you what can you expect from a Volkswagon in America?

Talking of quirky here’s a few more dumb laws around Illinois:

If one wishes to plant new sod in his or her yard in the summer months, that person may not use the city’s water to water it.

Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.

Bowling is forbidden.

It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.

You must move your car back and forth everyday for 4 months out of the year regardless of weather conditions

It is illegal to burn bird feathers.

UK FREEDOM OF SPEECH VIOLATED ONCE AGAIN, POLICE DEMAND SHOP OWNER TO REMOVE PATRIOTIC SHIRT…….Utterly detestable. I’m spewin!

A NEWPORT shopkeeper has been forced by police to remove a T-shirt from his shop window because they felt it “could be seen to be inciting racial hatred.”

Matthew Taylor, 35, the owner of Taylor’s clothes store on Emlyn Walk in the city, printed up and displayed the T-shirt with the slogan: “Obey our laws, respect our beliefs or get out of our country” after Drummer Lee Rigby, 25, was killed in near Woolwich barracks in London last week.

But following a complaint from a member of the public, police came to his store and threatened to arrest him unless he removed the Tshirt from sight.

Mr Taylor said: “I had a visit from two CSOs (community support officers) because it has been reported by someone who felt it was offensive.

“It’s not meant to be offensive.

I didn’t produce it to be offensive. It’s what I believe.

“At the end of the day if you don’t like the way a country is run and don’t like our beliefs then go somewhere else, don’t go killing people.

“I don’t care if you Welsh, Scottish, English, go somewhere else if you don’t like it.”

“I’m offended I have had to take it down. I can’t see why I can’t share my beliefs,” he said.

A spokeswoman for Gwent police confirmed: “ We did have a call from a member of the public. We visited the shop and asked him to remove it (the T-shirt) as it could be seen to be inciting racial hatred.”

This is what has become of my country ruled by a series of Leftist and liberal do gooder clowns, enforcing political correctness to protect their political nightmare of multi-culturism that clear isn’t working. It’s now a land overflowing with self styled ”race detectives” (in and out of government/police depts.) stamping out every existing form of freedom of expression, where a person can’t even openly pronounce a love and affection for the very values and freedoms that helped build and secure the country.

I’m sure that message is what the majority of right minded countrymen believe irrespective of race, religion, sexual orientation, age, shoe size or height. In fact it could make a good acid test for Citizenship.

Why aren’t the police there arresting people at these fundamentalist hate mongers when they have their marches and hate banners? Well we all know why!

Also, I don’t buy the argument about the validity of anything hanging solely on the bare thread that…. no one finds it ”offensive”. The truth much of the time can be very offensive, are we to reject truth because the truth sometimes causes people mental anguish? Just how far down that communist hellhole are people willing to crawl in order not to cause ”offense”? Sheeeesh the stupidity of it all. As a child along with all my mates we learnt “stick and stones”. It’s about time these loons did too.

I think when I get back I’ll have a few Tee shirts printed up, along with a Union Jack, and start wearing them around town.

Tuesday – warm and sunny.

Drive up to Indianapolis.

Check in early and then go Downtown to explore. Really good tourist game in Indianapolis would be “hunt the visitors centre”. I’m dammed if we saw a single sign. Finally found one in the state park in town. Lovely building with guy sat counting the ceiling tiles and picking lint out of his navel. “Ah we’re only for the state park.” Complete waste of space. In fact putting some town brochures out would have at least filled the place.

Downtown is lovely, when you find it? Cultural trail all through the town, elegant canal, not too busy, lovely buildings, plenty of museums and even a state park down town.

Have a pleasant wander around. Coffee at Starbucks. Place is heavy into war memorials. End up in a pleasant Mall, if that isn’t a contradiction in terms.

Thought we’d escaped the Bible belt but after Baptist and Jewish hospitals now we have Methodist. What hope is there for Aetheists!

Wow I’ve just been awarded a TripAdvisor “Top Contributor” badge. I’m orgasmic! Pity they don’t give you a certificate I could have it framed and hung up alongside my 25 Yards Breast Stroke certificate. I think it would be great if they sent out physical badges such as “Top Whinger”, what an impression as you check in at hotel.

The murder of soldier Lee Rigby has unsurprisingly provoked a backlash of anger across the UK, including the attacking of mosques, racial abuse and comments made on social media. Eleven people have been arrested around Britain for making racist or anti-religious comments on Twitter following the brutal killing in Woolwich.

The incident has also prompted a huge increase in anti-Muslim incidents, according to the organisation Faith Matters, which works to reduce extremism. Before the attack about four to eight cases a day were reported to its helpline. But the group said about 150 incidents had been reported in the last few days, including attacks on mosques.

Two men from Bristol, were held under the Public Order Act on suspicion of inciting racial or religious hatred. Detective Inspector Ed Yaxley of Avon and Somerset Police said:

These comments were directed against a section of our community. Comments such as these are completely unacceptable and only cause more harm to our community in Bristol.

Surrey Police said a man has been charged in connection with comments placed on a social media website following the murder of the soldier. Superintendent Matt Goodridge said:

Surrey Police will not tolerate language used in a public place, including on social media websites, which causes harassment, alarm or distress.

A Hastings man has been charged by police after allegedly posting an offensive message on Facebook.

Meanwhile, a Southsea woman has been charged with allegedly sending a grossly offensive message on Facebook, an offence contrary to Section 127 of the Communications Act 2003.

So how is grossly offensive defined? It seems that the Law Lords have decided that “Usages and sensitivities may change over time … there can be no yardstick of gross offensiveness otherwise than by the application of reasonably enlightened, but not perfectionist, contemporary standards to the particular message sent in its particular context. The test is whether a message is couched in terms liable to cause gross offence to whom it relates.” A legal minefield. What about free speech – we need a 1st Amendment. Whatever happened to “Sticks and stones”.  Dangerous ground.

Getting ready for Illinois here’s some of there dumb laws:

Those under 21 can drink legally, but they must be enrolled in a culinary program to do so

It is illegal to hang “obstructions” form the rear view mirror, including fuzzy dice, air fresheners, GPS units, etc.

You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.

The English language is not to be spoken.

You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.

Wednesday – very hot and sunny.

Drove to Conner Prairie an Interactive historical park. Again no kids with us but they let us in and 
Wendy scrounged an OAP discount. What a fantastic place for all ages. Has an Indian Village; 1836 township; and Civil war Dupont town. Actors in period costume abound and tell you about life in those times. They keep in character and their time, will not discuss modern times. They’re all very knowledgable and passionate about their character or life skill.

Civil war tells the story of the 1863 Confederate raid on Dupont and makes fantastic use of modern technology to make it entertaining.

I had a great time in the woodwork shop talking to the joiner; used spokeshave to make a stick; had a go with treadmill lathe; tried my feet on the stilts; experimented with electric circuits. Pottery was fantastic. Wendy gets to try her hand at weaving. All done without having to sign a 94 page waiver or any H&S restrictions. 

Great discussion with store keeper, how everything was on credit and settled up at the end of the year – very little bad debt. They even had a debit / credit systems between the various tradesmen, basic banking. Then we got a rant from him about the banking crisis of 1832 when President Jackson wouldn’t approve the National Bank – so it looks like nothings new then. Fantastic chat with the Blacksmith, learned how to make wheel rims and never realised what a highly paid member of society a Blacksmith was in those days – he’d earn enough in a year to buy his house 2 to 3 times over in a year.

Common sayings we’ve learnt about today:

Bite the bullet – patients were given something to bite down on while a bullet was removed with no anaesthetic.

Beat it to death – what Blacksmiths did to meld metal together to create a metal ring for a tyre on a wheel.

Now heres a good idea we learnt from our visit of Conner Prairie, “Sale of Poor Person” back in 1836. No it’s not selling poor people into slavery. Rather it’s bidding to take care of someone infirm  or disabled. Lowest bid wins the duty to care for that person for the coming year and the State pays them the amount they bid. If they can do it for less they make a profit – Obama care?

A great day out. Epic!

More dumb laws in Illinois:

One may not pee in his neighbor’s mouth.

Citizens can be hit with a $120 ticket for having an improperly displayed and outdated city sticker on their car.

All businesses entering into contracts with the city must sift through their records and report any business they had dealing with slaves during the era of slavery.

It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.

It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe’s neck.

As always Pat Condell says it all see his superb rant, “Muslims must reject Jihad”, on the recent atrocities. To my mind sums it all up.

Sunday – hot and sunny.

Depart Louisville for a short two hour drive up to Cinncinati.

Arrive at lunch time to yet another hotel. This time it’s a Quality Inn & Suites. We’ve got a lovely 3 room suite, kitchen, lounge and separate bedroom. Two nights free with our loyalty points but would only have been about $90 anyway. Includes breakfast. 

But with all Choice Hotels these days we have started to develop our own Quality Control Checklist that we apply before accepting a room:

1 Does WiFi work and is it a reasonable speed?

2 Is the room noisy?

3 Toilet works ok?

4 Does the room stink?

5 All lights work?

6 Microwave works?

7 Air conditioning functions properly?

8 Taps work and water is hot?

9 Shower works?

10 Fridge works?

11 Is there an iron and ironing board?

12 TV works?

13 Bedding clean?

14 Adequate towels?

Sadly items 1 to 11 are based on our last 8 Choice Hotel stays.

Drive down town to visit Fountain Square and Downtown area. There’s a “Taste of Cincinnati” event on. Culinary extravaganza and live pop groups. The place is hopping.

It seems that the speciality cuisine here in Cincinnati is “Deep Fried”. Try two cholesterol specials / culinary delights. Deep fried cheesecake and deep fried Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich. Actually they’re both rather good. Glasgow and its Deep fried Mars bar better watch out.

Enjoy a pleasant afternoon in the sun.

What is it with car parks in America. Most of them are just dodgy bar stewards who keep their prices hidden until you’re well inside and it will be difficult to reverse out. Here in Cincinnati they have the ultimate rip off scheme. Sign says $1 parking. Sounds good. Oh but what they omitted to mention it’s $1 per 20 minutes. Marketing men try and screw joe public yet again.

Book our flights on Virgin to Florida ready for our Marco Island trip.

Some crazy laws in Indiana:

State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.

A person must get a referral from a licensed physician if he or she wishes to see a hypnotist unless the desired procedure is to quit smoking or lose weight.

Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the legislature is in session.

All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.

Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.

Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.

Unbelievable jobs worths and lunacy stalks the streets everywhere:

 Swedish parking laws, however, continue to be rigidly enforced despite the increasingly chaotic situation. Early Wednesday, while documenting the destruction after a night of rioting in the Stockholm suburb of Alby, a reporter from Fria Tider observed a parking enforcement officer writing a ticket for a burnt-out Ford.

When questioned, the officer explained that the ticket was issued because the vehicle lacked a tag showing its time of arrival. The fact that the vehicle had been effectively destroyed – its windshield smashed and the interior heavily damaged by fire – was irrelevant according to the meter maid, who asked Fria Tider’s photographer to destroy the photos he had taken. Her employer, the parking company P-service, refused to comment when Fria Tider contacted them on Wednesday afternoon.

Monday – hot and sunny again.

Drive down town again. Visit Covington a German township. Quite quaint little place with lovely clock tower, some great old style houses but alas it’s Memorial day so a lot of places are closed. 

We get a minutes silence to remember those who died. The Americans at least do it right and have a Bank holiday to remember them by. Sounds a better idea than a minutes silence or even celebrating May day.

Drive down to Kempton and have a drink by the river.

Visit Washington Park. A lovely modern park with fantastic water fountains for kids to play in; a special area for dogs; a modern and safe playground for kids. Have our extravagant lunch watching everyone having fun. It also seems that every evening there is a concert or something going on in this park. Young guy asks me how I’m going and I ask him back. What a lovely reply  I get “I’m just peaches , thank you for asking”.

Wanted to go to the Cincinnati Museum at Union Station. It’s mentioned more times than there are Talibans at a stoning but no hint of an address. What a load of numpties! But alas like the Freedom / Underground Railway museum it’s closed for Memorial day. Perhaps in one of these towns we’ll eventually get to visit one of the many Civil Rights / slavery Museum. So we do the American thing and go to the Mall.

Drive down to the Mall at Kempton for a coffee, at you can guess where. Then a stroll across the two bridges and back. The roar of the crowd and fireworks at the Rounders game can be heard all over the riverside.

Then the highlight of the day, final confirmation that we’ve survived and escaped from the lunacy of the Bible belt, as we visit the Hofbrau House – the first one in America, must be the strong German influence around here. Dinner of Bayerisch Scweinbraten, Sauerkraut, Potato Dumplings and who can resist a Hofbrau. Hallelujah! Civilisation at last and unlike the miseries in Tennessee  they’re friendly around here.

Wendy has to drive home. Brave.

More crazy laws in Indiana:

Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.

It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday.

Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail lights.

Oral sex is illegal.

No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.

A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.

Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.Turkish blogger jailed for a year for blasphemy

Friday – warm and sunny.

Forgot to mention the delightful scrots you must get at the science museum. When the lights came up in the Planetarium found a pair of knuckle dusters on one of the yoga mats you get to lie on. Obviously fell out of some scrots pocket. Kicked them under a mat so that they were hidden and if he came back wouldn’t find them. I suppose if you’re not allowed to bring guns in the NRA would say you need some form of defence. Saw the big fat black scrot marauding around. How did I know they were his. Well he had some bling knuckle dusters on a chain around his neck.

It’s goodbye to St Louis as we head to Louisville in Kentucky. Really liked St Louis, a pleasant relaxing city with plenty to do. 

Driving through Illinois and Indiana one could think we’re in England, apart from the clear blue sky.

To be on the safe side, as we leave, I call in the supermarket to buy some wine. Kentucky is a bit too close to the Bible belt for my liking and the religious fanatics may have imposed their intolerant dry county laws.

Check in and then toddle off down “The Avenue” for dinner. Typical marketeers bullshit, an over active imagination when describing “The Avenue”. Let’s face it they lie. Yes it has a lot of restaurants, but charm and character is a bit on the thin side. At least it’s not described as one of the top 10 streets in America, although to be fair it had more places to eat than the one in St Louis. Could do with these marketeers doing a job on Blackburn. 

Eat at the “Irish Rover”. Food was pretty good and it certainly had atmosphere.

Amazing Wendy asks for cucumber and they say lettuce. I know our accents are different but how can these two words be confused. We’re finding the accents around here easier to understand yet “they” are really struggling to understand us.  God help us.

Catch some quality American TV – The Lone Ranger – my god makes you cringe at how basic it was. Yet as a kid it was awesome. I even remember going to the pictures where he turned up in person on his horse Silver.

What a boring state Kentucky must be. Hardly any crazy laws:

Throwing eggs at a public speaker could result in up to one year in prison. (Repealed, 1975)

One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.

It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.

Dogs may not molest cars.

A woman may not buy a hat without her husband’s permission.

One may not receive anal sex.

An Istanbul court has sentenced Turkish-Armenian writer Sevan Nisanyan to 58 weeks in prison for an alleged insult to the religious character Muhammad in a blog post. The charges were insulting the religious beliefs held by a section of the society.

Nisanyan was charged with blasphemy after writing a blog post titled:

[We] need to fight hate speech. Making fun of an Arab leader who claimed he contacted Allah hundreds of years ago and received political, financial and sexual benefits is not hate speech.

On May 22, the day of the sentencing, Nisanyan bravely retweeted his blog post, writing:

Let’s share the article that was sentenced to 13-and-a-half months at the Istanbul 10th Criminal Court for insulting religious bla-bla.

Now I suppose I’ll have to keep out of Turkey

Saturday – warm and sunny.

Breakfast at the hotel is totally depressing. Quite a good spread but of the 25 people in having breakfast there’s only Wendy and 1 other who isn’t grossly obese. I stick to a bowl of cornflakes and pass on the waffles, bacon and eggs.

Drive down to Main St to do a walking tour of the area and 4th St. Visitors Centre are running a scavenger quest around downtown so we give it a go. Quite interesting as it takes us around the more interesting areas of downtown and the waterfront. Free to enter, all good fun and you get a free Tee shirt at the end of it – can’t be bad.

Quite a relaxing city. Loads of museums, places to visit and some impressive architecture. There’s an Abbey Road (Beatles) concert on all weekend. Fortunately, at $30 each, we give it a miss although we do briefly watch one look alike group.

Seek out the famous Derby Clock and finally find it despite the map that is wrong. Visitors centre are amazed the maps wrong, mind you they claim they’ve only recently moved the clock!

Louisville seems to be yet another town, like St Louis, that has a Jewish hospital. In the Bible belt there seems to be a lot of Baptist hospitals. Don’t see any Islamic or Taliban hospitals!

Some crazy laws in Indiana:

Waitresses may not carry drinks into a restaurant or bar.

Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.

If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the Act to Prevent Certain Immoral Practices.

Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.

A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.

It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.