20140308 – Skiing in a Zimmer Frame. Is my skiing really that bad?

Saturday – too hot and very sunny. Melting the precious snow.

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Lazy day off skiing today. Wendy and I have volunteered with the NAC to help set up for the NAC’s Red, White and Snow gala dinner up at the Montage Hotel at Deer Valley. Spend the morning helping out; setting trees up; tables and chairs; hoisting trees up onto the balcony while Wendy helps layout the items for the auction. Dinner costs $4,000 for a table of 10, so do the maths. Then there’s the charity auction as well. Of course the Montage is a really plush hotel, cheapest room for a night is $1,150 plus taxes no doubt and tips of course. Costs more than we pay for 2 weeks in our superb home from home. It’s not called Deer Valley for nothing.

In the afternoon we have a bike ride to the supermarket – oh the excitement, oh how we live.

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Then we get to have afternoon tea – one has to have standards – sat on our deck in the brilliant sunshine. It was warmer out than in. I can see in summer we’re going to really enjoy this deck.

Of course no American home would be complete without a barbecue, and yes we have one. It’s a sizeable gas one, so we checked it out. It works! Just needs a good clean as it looks like the previous people must have barbed every day for a year and never bothered clearing away any of the debris. Nice job for Wendy.

Why is it that when I want to renew my tax disc I  have to provide either the 16 digit reference number shown on your renewal 
2014 RWS Logo FINAL reminder, or the 11 digit reference number from your Registration Certificate (also known as the Logbook) and your vehicle registration mark (number plate)?

Isn’t the reg no unique enough for you?
Why when I want to make an vehicle online enquiry you need the make as well as the Reg No?
Isn’t the reg no unique enough for you?

Are they frightened someone will pay my tax disc for me?

Sunday – a sunny blue bird day.

Meet Randy at 09:00 and have a great mornings skiing.

Hal was going to join us but it looks like he forgot that the clocks went forward so he didn’t make it.

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Wendy, Carol and Angela all go down to Salt Lake to see Disney on Ice. Wendy really enjoyed it. I passed as did Hal, apparently he fell asleep through it last year, and as I fell asleep through Toy Story 3 I thought I’d better pass.

Of course no afternoon out would be complete without a merchandising opportunity with a trip to Costco.

Spent the afternoon researching HTML5 and CSS3. Learning these two and then creating some web pages in them is my next project. I’ve decided to put my Physics on a back burner and try and keep my IT skills up to date for now. Who knows perhaps I could go and help out at the BBC iPlayer department. Certainly even an illiterate 5 year old could do better than that bunch of apologists for IT professionals. 

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Bought an Ultra Tough Ultrasteel Adjustable from Walmart, all for less than $2. Comes complete with a warning that “This Wrench contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm”. Fortunately this would appear not to be a problem in the other 49 states, as it miraculously must change it’s molecular structure to be less harmful, or is not “known” about. Now I know that the US is the land of litigation warnings that hot coffee can burn; that you should not put your dog in a microwave oven. But come on this warning has to be as stupid as the steel is tough.

Perhaps to be on the safe side I’d better hang the wrench 50 feet away from the house and hope that it doesn’t kill the tree, which probably has a preservation order on it.

Monday – cloudy, cold and very windy. With the promise of snow later in the day – let us pray.

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Up and skiing for 09:00. Fancied a “bit of black” – am I allowed to say that – today and for the first time since we’ve been here Widow Maker, a black diamond, has been groomed. Wendy can put away the insurance policy, I survived. Very pleasant, as was Dynamite. “A black diamond a day keeps the fear at bay.” But, I still ski with more style on a blue or double blue.

Have a great morning skiing and the snows pretty good. By 10:30 I’ve filled me ski boots and had some great runs. And yes my boots are still hanging in their but need the tender loving care of some Araldite. I do so hope they’ll survive. After 20 comfy years they’ve served me well and I’m really attached to them.

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Then I’m on volunteer duty at the NAC. Looks like my skiing’s that bad they put me in a 4 Track zimmer frame – a frame that has two skis already on, you can stand up in it with your ski’s on while, like a zimmer frame, while Jim, the instructor, has you tethered and takes you down the mountain – greens only as it’s too unstable on blues or blacks. See pictures. It’s part of a sign off process for Jim. My role is to play a 64 year old who used to ski; had a medical problem 5 years ago that made my legs weak; not been able to ski since; needs a zimmer frame to walk with. Jim’s being tested by Don, the education programme manager, to see if he’s ok to be let loose on teaching with a 4 track.

Good couple of hours. Certainly different. Don’t know whether Jim passed or not.

Weight loss is going well, as is the drinking. Down to my lowest weight for at least 10 years. 13St albs, in proper units of measure. That’s 19 lbs lost since November.

Wendy’s finished yet another knitting master piece. This time it’s a bobble hat, with extra big bobble as requested, for Jasper – see picture.

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Iranian TV shows a disgusting cartoon video (just to show that I harbour no bias a copy can be seen here) of Jews being gassed in the Holocost and even taking an inhaler of ZycloneB, the gas used in the gas chambers.Well it seems that the religion of peace doesn’t mind cartoons of Jews:

Yet, even a simple cartoon of Mo causes riots, burning, fatwas and killing in the name of that pernicious religion.

And to top it all, the islamic World ( yes I won’t even grace the word islam or muslim with a capital letter) now is banning the new film Noah. It seems that the film had been banned for reasons of religious intolerance. The film conflicts with all religions. Out of respect for these religious sentiments, we are banning the film.

The sunni muslim institute Al-Azhar issued a statement condemning the movie, saying it should be banned. It rejects the screening of any production that characterises allah’s prophets and messengers and the companions of the Mo [the religious character Muhammad].

Well that’s good enough recommendation for me. I’ll be sure not to miss the Noah film.

Tuesday – Sunny and cold with 6” powder snow overnight. As it should be.

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Volunteer for the NAC at Deer Valley. Why is it when I volunteer it’s a powder alert day?

Talk about a complete body workout. It’s a really tough session as  the young girl we’re supporting has very little use in her legs and we have to help her to walk and manoeuvre her on skis. Lots of snow ploughing and pulling her along on skis. At one stage she get’s that tired that we have to call the ski patrol to sledge her down to the bottom of the mountain. By 12:00 I’m knackered too. However manage a great afternoons skiing at Deer Valley.

Hal, Carol and Angela come round and we set up baby gates and cots ready for Jaspers arrival.

Here he goes again:

THE hate preacher Anjem Choudary and his followers could face prosecution under anti-IMG 0913terrorism laws after appearing to promote al-Qaeda-linked groups on a busy London high street while demanding the creation of an Islamic state.

Extremists drove up and down the road in a white van emblazoned with a logo synonymous with jihadists in Syria. They also handed out badges featuring the symbol to children.

Haven’t we had enough of this joker who has 4 children, sponges off the state he despises and wants to see overthrown. When will someone grow some gonads and chuck him out the country to somewhere that has the Sharia law he so pines for. I’m all for human rights etc but this scrot is just trying to chop off the right hand and left foot of the all the infidels that feed him. France have had the guts to ban him. Lets use the democracy that he so despises and pass a “common sense” law, kicking him out.

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20140302 – Shoot out at Park City; Mountain bikes; Angelas birthday;

Sunday – mixture of sun and cloud.

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A well deserved day off. Lazy morning of coffee, newspapers and internet.

After lunch we’re off to Walmart to buy our bikes. Wendy gets a new toy, a purple comfy bike, cross between a mountain bike and a street bike with a comfy seat, of course. Note the colour, most important. Order it over the internet for in store pick up – saves $10.

I get a mountain bike. Colour doesn’t matter, it’s on offer and saves $100. 

We’re all set for summer now.

Just what we need:

Falling asleep to a movie on Netflix is a wonderful feeling, but one that can turn to frustration IMG 2597 he next day as you try to figure out where you left off.

It’s one problem that Netflix engineers tried to solve during an internal company Hack Day last week, according to TechCrunch. The hack involves using a Fitbit wristband to detect when the user has fallen asleep. When snoozing commences, Netflix slowly fades the audio and puts the movie on pause. It also creates a bookmark at the point when sleep began so snoozing users can easily return to that point later.

Wendy refuses to ride all the way home, it’s up hill, so we have to catch the bus. You can even take bikes on the bus, mind you when it’s full of skiers it’s a squeeze, like Talibans at a riot.

Hala meat yet again:

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Parents fury as pork sausages are banned from the school menu and replaced with halal meat.

Sausages, ham and other pork products have been banned at Brinsworth Manor Infant and Junior Schools in Rotherham. Just 20 per cent of the 600 pupils at the two schools are Muslim. Governors agreed to the change to make the school more inclusive. Rotherham Council said only serving halal meat was a ‘minor adjustment’. The move comes as Britain’s vets call for Muslims and Jews to use more ‘acceptable’ methods of killing.

Just the sort of dhimi multicultural attitude that is selling this country into sharia slavery and the sort of madness that made me give up as chair of governors at a primary school that was predominantly muslim. Goldfish for jam jars.

Monday – sun and cloud I think.

By way of a change I skied in the morning but it was a somewhat tardy start to the day. Wendy IMG 2600worked.

Another awesome day. Just 2″ on top of corduroy. Easy skiing with pretty patterns. Tycoon and Keystone are superb.

In the evening Hal and Carol pick us up and we go up to the Farm restaurant, at the Canyons, to celebrate Angela’s 5th birthday. Meet Randy up there.

Angela’s quote was, “I am 5 today, before I was 4”. 5 years old going on 45.

Good food, good company, a great evening.

Tuesday – snow all 5” of it.

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Fluffy thick buttermilk pancakes with lashings of maple syrup and blue berries for breakfast. Go ski on that. Trees under threat today as they’re bombarded with Mardi Gras beads, knickers and bras thrown off the lifts onto the trees – cruelty to trees. They’re beautiful enough and need no adornments.

Out at the crack of sparrows. A great morning. A real white out but and snow teaming down.

Lovely fresh powder to turn the legs to jelly. Runs are quiet as people take shelter from the snow or go home. Well worth the effort. My black diamond for the day is dynamite. Get to the top of it and it’s a real whiteout – see picture. Go or walk up and out of it. Being lazy I go for it. Just survived it, but where did those steel reinforced moguls come from? So where’s IMG 2608up or down? Where am I?

In the afternoon we attend a timeshare promotion at the Canyons, Hilton. Picked up and ferried home in style. Thanks to hilton timeshare for the $225 for attending their luxurious place at the Canyons. Will buy us 3 discounted Deer Vally passes in place of the 2 promised. We’ll gladly come again, on any snowy day. And no we didn’t buy.

Can you believe this, religion still dominating even in this day and age:

Thousands of homeowners around the country have been notified by the Land Registry that they are liable to pay for repairs to their local Church of England church.

Chancel Repair Liability (CRL), dates back to the time of Henry VIII and gives some churches the right to demand financial contributions towards repairs from local property owners.

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The liability is due whether or not the landowners are Anglicans, or even Christians.

In some cases, payment could be for the full cost of repairs, sometimes running into hundreds of thousands of pounds, but normally the cost will be shared with others locally.

Wednesday – blue bird day, quite warm in the 40’s.

So this is what yesterday’s whiteout run picture looks like.

Blue bird day but not up to Wendy’s standards. 

Get the adrenalin pumping with 3 blacks (amazing isn’t it the Americans still have that word in their dictionary, unlike the loony liberal PC thought police in the UK who have raped and pillaged our language to avoid mythical offense) before coffee. Silver skis is pretty daunting, followed by Crescent and dynamite which look almost green by comparison to Silver Skis. A great mornings skiing get my black a day in and 10 awesome runs.

After lunch we saddle up and ride down, note the direction, to Walmart to pick up some simple bike tools. Only takes 50 minutes as Wendy keeps stopping to “admire the views”! Then it’s a IMG 2623 well deserved Starbucks before catching the bus back up to the Peaks hotel. Must have done about 8 miles all told and down 300 feet. It does not bode well for summer.

Smell the coffee. That religion is intent on taking over. I really don’t want my grand kids to have to wear the burka, grow a beard or even stone me to death because of my blog:

Documents reveal that a group of fundamentalist Salafists, are being investigated by Birmingham City Council after they apparently urged a Muslim takeover of failing schools.

The Sunday Times reported that the council is deeply concerned about Operation Trojan Horse strategy documents which allegedly outline plans oust to headteachers in Muslim areas of the city, and turn the schools into faith-based academies run on Islamic principles.

The documents, leaked to the Sunday Times, call for an end to corrupting children with sex education, teaching about homosexuals, making their children say Christian prayers and mixed swimming and sports.

They say parents should:
Parachute in Muslim governors to drip-feed ideals for a Muslim school

Have an English face to campaigns to turn secular schools into faith-based academies

Wear down the resolve of a headteacher at a targeted school so they eventually give up

Thursday – warm and sunny, with a bit of snow.

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What an awesome day, 3 hours great skiing; a couple of hours volunteer skiing at the National Ability Centre with a severely disabled 7 year old on a bi-ski, instructor was brilliant with him; then Park City gun club with Randy. 

Great safety briefing and then get to fire off 2 different 45’s, have the kick of a kangaroo kick boxer; a 40 and then a .22 complete with silencer, at least if you shoot someone with this one it doesn’t damage their hearing or disturb the neighbours. Serious stuff. Shell casings flying everywhere, muzzle flashes. Makes you appreciate ear defenders, safety glasses and how ridiculous the movies are. One of the 45’s was a heavy, manly browning first produced in1911 – see picture. The 2nd was a small quite lightweight 45. Being so lightweight it gave an even bigger kick than the Browning, but an ideal gun to carry.

Great Western experience, thanks to Randy.  Something that you can’t experience in the UK with our strict gun laws.

Living the Dream.

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Don’t you just love the contradictions of that religion:

Peaceful and tolerant verses, in the quran, lie almost comma by comma with violent and intolerant ones. From, there is no coercion in religion (2:256), or the multitude that command believers to fight all non-Muslims till they either convert, or at least submit, to Islam (8:39, 9:5, 9:29).

To get out of this quandary, the commentators developed the doctrine of abrogation, which essentially maintains that verses revealed later in Muhammad’s career take precedence over earlier ones whenever there is a discrepancy.

But hang on isn’t this fairy story meant to be the word of a supreme being, a god no less! What sort of supreme being contradicts themselves. Crazier than a taliban fundamentalist wrapped in a pigskin.

Friday – cold, some snow, sun and clouds.

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3” fresh powder overnight on top of some icy runs. In the queue for Eagle Lift start. Then it’s Temptation; Shamus; King Kong; Jonesys, of course; Assesment; lazy run down Claim jumper; coffee; then a long run down to the base via Silver Queen and Hidden Treasure. Pass on my daily black, Combustion, whilst the powder was tempting the ice underneath made me chicken out.

A pretty good but lazy mornings skiing. 3” of powder is just ideal. Not to difficult but just enough to create great pretty pattern turns.

As usual by lunch time it’s skied out so well IMG 2625worth the early start.

Disaster nearly strikes when I get home and one of my 20 year old rear entry ski boots seems to have fallen apart. Thankfully it’s easily fixed with just a clip back in. My boots are so comfortable that I’ll be devastated when they finally give up keeping me attached to my skis. No one makes rear entry boots anymore and yet they’re so comfortable and easy to get into – just one buckle, not the 4 to 6 buckles of a modern boot.

After lunch take a bike ride to the liquor store for some beers. I suppose I could have managed but wanted a bit more exercise.

What is it with Utah and all these tarty, fruity beers? What perverted fruitcake dreamed up a Blackberry beer. Yet try and buy a decent German lager or pilsner and it’s as likely as finding a politician with a skerrick of common sense.

In the evening we make a start on “House of Cards”, season 2.

 

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20140224 – 8″ is more than enough; France cracks down on drunken skiers; 21″ fresh powder; Blue bird day for Wendy

Monday – sun and cloud. Quite warm in the 40’s – not good.

IMG 2525This retirement malarkey is a hard life. Not for the faint hearted, requires total dedication and concerted effort.Lazy start. Stap me vitals do I have to go skiing yet again, dam me no. 

Manage a good moorings skiing and then come home to do battle with the Car insurers (thankfully “Noddies gone past Big Ears” for them so it’ll have to wait for tomorrow) and to see if I can possibly get some more contact lenses without a prescription. What is it with this namby pamby World? Why do I need a prescription less than a year old? I’m an adult and can make up my own mind on these things.

Seems like Canada is the place to order from. It’s obviously full of adults who are quite capable of re-ordering their contact lenses without the need for a piece of paper from a jobs worth in protected employment.

Here in the land of the free and the religion of the dollar there are some things that seem IMG 2531 ack handed or “quaint”. Such as ordering contact lenses; joining CostCo online; using a British credit card, especially online or at a petrol station – mainly seems to be a problem of computers (them dam things again) accepting a UK zip code; receiving post – you need a post office box or some deal with a long right armed US Postal Service geezer; no chip and pin, in fact quite often not even a signature; prices quoted without tax, so its always more than it says on the label; not to be outdone by getting Comcast Xfinity TV and Internet set up.

We’re still catching up on the Olympics with the daily 1 hour summary on BBC2 – the less said about that the better.

But has anyone noticed how most of the women in the Olympics seem to be eye candy? Perhaps athletic prowess goes with looks. 

And what’s with this two man bob sleigh event. Why don’t they just replace the second man with a sack of potatoes. Would be about as much use and have the same personality as most of them. Mind you given their role it’s no surprise there’s hardly anyone at home.

 

France has launched a crackdown on drunken skiers in the wake of spate of fatal accidents in the slopes.Inebriated skiers will face criminal prosecution in France under laws that carry a maximum penalty of a year in jail, although a fine of up to €15,000 is more likely for minor offenders. Gendarmes say that one in five ski accidents in France is due to drunkenness, whilst a quarter of skiers aged between 15 and 24 questioned in a recent Austrian study admitted to having descended a slope whilst tipsy.

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No doubt they’ll introduce a new law that requires every skier to carry two breathalyser kits. And no doubt in true French fashion they’ll ignore it and just the Brits will conform.

Tuesday – another hot blue bird day. 48F. Much too warm.

Good mornings skiing. Get my daily quota in. “A black diamond a day, keeps the fear at bay”. Skiing is all about confidence. It is soo much easier to go straight down with little turns than long sweeping turns across the slopes. Snow held up well from yesterday despite all the sun and warmth, but by lunch time it’s like an anaemic slush puppy down at the base.

Please let it snow. Please let it get cold.

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Meet Wendy for lunch at Payday. Then she heads off down to Kimble Junction to buy some buttons for the Thomas Tank jumper she’s knitted. God knows what she’ll do next. At least the knitting keeps her occupied and quiet!

For me I’m on volunteer duty all afternoon at the National Ability Centre. Todays student is just on ski’s so I get to ski with poles and there’s no lugging, lifting and picking them up off the snow. Mind you although she’s skiing very well it’s that slow that I spend the whole afternoon having to snow plough behind her to run interference and stop loonies, scum boarders of course, from running in to her. You’d be amazed at how stupid and reckless some are.

After an afternoons snow ploughing there are muscles in my foot that I never knew I had. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to ski parallel again.

Very wise saying:

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Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

According to the experts we’re all doomed. 

Doomed to be overtaken by computers as the dominant life form on this planet within the next 15 to 25 years.
Life form? Well, almost. Computers will eventually beat us at all mental tasks.
They will chat, joke, flirt, understand us better than we understand ourselves and know the significance of every word mere humans have ever written. These machines will also build more machines, each more amazing than the last. They will reproduce, and their children will conquer the universe.We cannot uninvent computers. 
The question is, can we program them to be content with a good book and a glass of red wine? It’s surely worth a try, but it may already be too late.

Judging by the state of the current programs and web sites, especially those jerk IMG 2480 rained nerds at the BBC, there’s absolutely no chance that any robot will even be capable of crawling out of the slime of a swamp. Just think if it could be achieved we may become the pets and slaves to these superior life forms but at least we might have some access to software, written by a robot, that actually works. Who knows perhaps we’d be able to watch BBC iPlayer without the Law of Maximum Perversity kicking in and boiling my blood. Bring it on.

Now here’s a surprise.

Net immigration has risen to more than 200,000 in a significant blow to David Cameron who has pledged to reduce it below 100,000 by the next general election.

The sooner we get out from under the skirts of Merkel, that snail sucking spendthrift Hollande, along with his harem, and the EU in general the better.

Wednesday – blue bird day. Hot and very sunny.

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Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit it is yet another blue bird day. Wendy’s hit the slopes and an 09:00 start to boot. 49F, too warm.

Praying for snow, lots of it, and let’s get rid of the therms as well.

More misnomers from the World of medicine: 

Being overweight is unhealthy

The accepted wisdom is that if you have a body mass index (BMI) of between 25 and 30, then you are overweight and this will shorten your life.

People with a BMI of between 25 and 30 were actually 6 per cent less likely to die than people considered to have a healthy BMI, ie, 18.5 to 25.

Meanwhile “The Tony Ski Diet” is working a real treat. Lost 9lbs since we got here, IMG 2506 espite consuming copious amounts of beer and red wine. I really think I’m going to start a business of my diet with guaranteed weight loss – could pay for my annual ski trip. That’s a total of 18lbs lost since November and our Marco Island trip. At this rate I’ll need some string to keep me pants up. Mind you I still have a 6% advantage over scrawny geezers.


Whilst I detest the Daily Mail for it’s ability to make me madder than a puffed toad and boil of my blood. I have to say how impressed I was to learn that during WW1 the daily mail broke ranks with all the other newspapers of the day and exposed the wrong kind of shells sent to the western front. Their editorial “the tragedy of the shells”, exposed how the British government / Lord Kitchener in particular was responsible for the death of its own citizens.

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A typical mornings skiing can burn up 1,700 calories. That means I can consume 3 bottles of red wine or 12 bottles of beer a day and not gain an ounce. After 17:00 hours of course.

Seriously raised the question of whether the ruling classes had the ability to lead as generals.  

How come it’s lost it’s way so badly?

Thursday – raining in town and snow on the mountain. 

There’s stupid, there’s really stupid and then there’s brains dropped out (usually reserved for politicians), but I have to admit setting off skiing in the rain falls into the later. At least at the top it’s snowing. Arrived after 10 minutes on the lift looking like an extra for the Snowman film. Jonesys was worth it though with 3″ fresh powder. After 3 runs cocooned in gortex I call it a day. Can’t see where I’m going without wipers on me goggles. Not that It would make much difference as it’s a white out anyway. What a wimp. At least I know my gear works. My Tuesday afternoon volunteering – snow ploughed all afternoon – is still making the old abductor digit minimi ache (foot’s killing me) like IMG 2552hell.

After lunch we pop into town to Carols condo on main street to see if we’d prefer a different coffee table and rug. Then it’s up to the Java cow for a coffee and for Angela a cow biscuit.

More misnomers from the World of medicine: 

Drinking two litres of water a day will do wonders for your body and mind

This is a myth, but where did this figure of two litres come from? It probably dates back to the 1940s when researchers calculated that this was how much water someone’s body used in 24 hours. There is absolutely no evidence to back it up. The IMG 0732boring truth is: just drink when you’re thirsty and you’ll be fine.

The war in Syria began much earlier than is generally recognised. The conflict actually began in the year 632 with the death of that Mo geezer. The same is true of the violence, tension or oppression currently gripping the Muslim world from Iraq and Iran, though Egypt, Bahrain and Saudi Arabia to Yemen, Pakistan and Afghanistan.

What most of the crucibles of conflict in the Middle East have in common is that Sunni Muslims are on one side of the disagreement and Shia Muslims on the other. The rift between the two great Islamic denominations runs like a tectonic fault-line along what is known as the Shia Crescent, starting in Lebanon in the north and curving through Syria and Iraq to the Gulf and to Iran and further east.

Apparently it all stems back to the death of that Mo geezer and his lack of a male IMG 2554 rotch dropping to succeed him – he only had a daughter, like all women in that so called religion, she didn’t count then and females still count for nowt, other than sex objects, breeding machines and scullery maids.

The majority of his hangers on thought his closest fanatic buddy, Abu Bakr, should take over. They became the Sunnis. But a minority thought the Prophet’s closest relative, his son-in-law and nephew Ali, should succeed. Ultimately the Shia.

The two sides agreed on the Quran but had different views on hadith, the traditions recorded by Mo’s hangers on. 

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As the years passed the rift hardened into a schism. The seeds of civil war had been sown.

So yet again religion becomes the source of evil.

Friday – sun, cloud and some snow.

05:30 powder alert phone call, just to make sure I get up. Really must reprogram IFTHISTHENTHAT to ring me after 07:00 when a powder alert emails received. Her in doors has no appreciation of the early morning call and excitement of a powder alert.

On the lifts over here everyone chats away to you, unlike a bus journey full of black bin liners with slits in them in downtown Blackburn. Common question is have you skied in Europe? How does it compare? Answer is “I’m not going back to skiing in Europe unless poverty strikes”. It’s just so much better over here; better service; less crowded; better runs, mainly wider; friendly people; civilised lift lines instead of a rugby scrum; just so much more relaxing and enjoyable. But the one thing a lot of the European resorts, especially Austria, have is the charm of the villages. You’re woken every morning by the church bells summoning the faithful. Over here we have a similar equivalent. It’s the early morning sound of mortars clearing avalanches and summoning the faithful to fresh powder.

Mind you Park City is a great town. Lots of character; awesome free bus service; Park city dusk prospector ph veryone is so friendly; lots going on; no black bin liners and the associated problems. Won Outside Best Town Ever 2013. Quite rightly so. I’m always quite proud to say I’m living the dream here this year. If we ever win the lottery and can afford the US health service then as the Mormons say “This is the place”. And no I’m not thinking of becoming a Mormon!

Everyone here tells me the summers are even better than the winters. My retort is “How can they be? There’s no snow!”. But they insist.

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Awesome 11″ fresh snow. Transforms the tired slush to a winter wonderland. Awesome morning’s skiing with Hal and Randy. All that fresh powder. Thanks guys.

More snow on the way. Let’s be greedy and pray for another 11″ or better still 22″.

After lunch Wendy and I go for a walk (just what I need after a great mornings powder) to do some bike shopping. We want to get a mountain bike ready for the worse weather of summer, no snow that is. They reckon the summers are gorgeous here so we’ll be ready geared up. Try White Pines but not much choice yet and very, very expensive. Walmart’s more in our price bracket as we’ll be giving the bikes away, hopefully to a worthy cause, at the end of the summer. Much cheaper than hiring.

After getting nearly every bike down and test riding them around Walmart, we finally settle on a mountain bike for me and comfort / crossover for Wendy. Pick them up Sunday.

Drop our rent off at Hal’s. It’s actually quicker to get off the bus at Peaks and do the IMG 2584 0 minute walk to our place than stay on and transfer to the green bus. Really getting into this walking and Wendy’s nearly managing to keep pace with me without too much whinging.

Living the Dream.

More misnomers from the World of medicine: 

There’s no such thing as a healthy tan 

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It’s certainly true that ultraviolet light causes skin damage, skin ageing and can lead to skin cancer, but the most lethal form, melanoma, is not straightforwardly related to ultraviolet exposure. Melanoma is more common in people who work indoors than in people who work outdoors.

There is increasing evidence of a huge range of benefits to be got from regular exposure to the sun. Recent studies have shown that low levels of vitamin D are strongly associated with increased risk of heart disease, stroke, schizophrenia, multiple sclerosis, asthma and at least a dozen cancers. S unshine is not just good for your body, it’s good for your mood.

Saturday – snow, sun and cloud.

Another powder alert. 8” this time. Was going to have the day off as Saturdays are IMG 2579usually so busy, but it would be a sin to miss all that powder.

In the 08:55 queue for the start of Eagle lift. Hang on there’s no one there. Dam me no, the lifts on hold due to high winds. Just think Temptations (ski run) is up there waiting with all that powder. 

Oh well Crescent lift it is then.

8″ Virgin powder is more than enough, plus 11″ yesterday. Totally bodacious.

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It’s a war zone out there. Mortar rounds going off to clear the avalanche risk; bodies strewn everywhere; people searching for lost skis; even ski patrollers on their butts, gives me hope; chopped up moguls; even 2 foot wind drifts. Truly cream crackered, legs like a Glaswegian drunk after a Saturday night binge. A well deserved coffee by my favourite fireplace. Meanwhile, from my new tracker app, I have this American sounding wench chunnering away in my ear every 5 minutes telling me how fast and far.

At least this tracker apps better calibrated. No longer doing 106 MPH, back down to a sensible 40 MPH. I really do need to work more on these short turns down the sides of the runs and better control, rather than going off like an escaped banshee chased by a zombie Road Runner. As for deep powder / moguls / chop well that’s a dream, but it does turn your legs to jelly.

After lunch we decide on a walk / bus up to the Canyons. Just a bit more exercise.

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We’d never dream of this in Belthorn, there just isn’t the activities or incentives. But over here, even though it’s cold, it’s just great to get out and enjoy the surroundings.

Even sat waiting for the bus you can be delighted with the simple pleasures of a snow flake drifting down and landing on your eyeball.

At the Canyons sit by the fire listening to the free concert from some band that everyones just ignoring – I wonder if Queen or the Beatles had been playing they would have been ignored. At least it’s some pleasant music and a juggler. Pass on the snores. This dam 2nd commandment of retirement does get in the way over here – “thou shalt not drink before 17:00”. Lively and free afternoons entertainment.

Call in for a black box of Merlot on the way back.

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Breaking Bad in the evening. Trying desperately to keep awake. Exhausted. Then Comcast goes down. Disaster. No Netflix. No Internet.

I think tomorrow will be a day of rest, going all religious. Unless there’s a major powder alert, then who knows what may happen.

Modern day sex education consists of students donning booze glasses (distorts their vision as if drunk). They then have to grope bodies to determine sex; put a condom on a banana. Then no doubt they can choose from 4 of the ugliest girls in the class, thereby appreciating the impact of a few beers on choosing a bird for the night and learning that all important maxim of “pull early before the alcohol kicks in”. Or the wise old saying, “Go for the ugly early and you’ll never go home alone”.It also turn out that condoms are dished out freely. What is the World coming to? But sadly the essential skill of one handed grope and bra opening is not taught  – that Gove geezer needs to get his act together.

Hey, ho the religion of permanent offence are doling out free publicity again:

A petition has been started to get Katy Perry’s latest music video banned. The IMG 2587fantasy video for the song Dark Horse includes a necklace disintegrating in a flash of CGI lighting effects. Apparently the necklace has script bearing the name of the Muslim religious character, Allah. Shazad Iqbal of Bradford, England, condemned the video claiming that the image of the  disintegrating necklace is somehow blasphemous and should be banned from YouTube.

By Tuesday afternoon, the petition had been electronically signed by more than 42,000 fruitcakes, a number dwarfed by the 30 million views the video has garnered on YouTube since Feb. 20.

If anybody can see the supposed detail they’re throwing their burka’s off about, then they must have the eyes of a hawk, with the speed of a a jihadist detonation. Nobody would have noticed, but yet again they’ve managed to give it more publicity than a burka clad stripper in an Iranian mosque. So, as part of my desensitising treatment to help improve the mental health of these fundamentalist freaks here’s the video in case you missed it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KSOMA3QBU0.

Seems to me that a really good way to market any new product or service is to include some reference or image of Mo and leave it to the fundamentalist barbarians from the religion of permanent offence to help it go viral.


 

 

 
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20140212 – Ski, Ski, Ski and Snow, Snow, Snow. The Olympics.

Wednesday – snow and getting warmer. Too warm. Damages the snow.

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Great snow but flat light. Teeth bite your knees, then you know you’ve hit a bump. Too late is the cry. Snow is forecast in the next hour, hopefully won’t bump into one of these. A well deserved coffee by my favourite fireplace in the snow hut.

For a bit of extra exercise Wendy and I go round to the gym for a “Gentle Yoga” session. Not quite as hard or sweaty as Friday. But we had to pay $9 each, well my geriatric wife got in for $8. One of the few plus points of being a pensioner.

Carol and Angela call round to pick some things up and have afternoon tea – so very British. Angela is in the chariot we’re going to borrow when Jasper comes. It’s an awesome piece of machinery, he’ll be able to live in it and Wendy will be able to go jogging with it. Giant wheels. Hal pops in for tea.

Can you believe the barbarism of the fanatics of this insidious religion:

The ISIL militants took the Syrian girl, Fatoum Al-Jassem, to Al-Reqqa religious court and the judge ruled that membership in Facebook is tantamount to adultery and sentenced her to death by stoning, the Arabic-language Al-Rai Al-Youm reported.

Thursday – sleet, wet and too warm. Tears as we experience rain and it ruins the snow.

5″ of fresh snow overnight but I’m on volunteer duty so it’s a wet, sleety start at the bottom of IMG 2331 he mountain. Top of mountain is awesome with fresh powder and sun. Sadly my 8 year old Gortex seems to have turned to blotting paper. End up very cold, very wet and worst of all even have snow in my gloves from all the pinning and un-pinning of the bi-ski.

NAC ski race. Our student came 4th. Good job (Learnt that phrase from my teach yourself American book). Improved my skiing having to block for the student and keep up with no poles. 

The joys of skiing. Wouldn’t swap it for the world. Living the dream.

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Why do our loony politicians continue wasting money we don’t even have on Foreign Aid to these countries:

Most Western countries have laws and regulations prohibiting support for terrorists or former terrorists. The US, the UK, Holland, Norway, Sweden and others have debated, proposed and/or passed laws or motions in parliament against giving the Palestinian Authority money that ends up in the hands of terrorists. In spite of their laws and their opposition, these countries continue to fund the PA’s general budget, thereby paying tens of millions of dollars to terrorists as salaries and other payments. 

Last week, the PA announced that it will be giving an additional $46 million a year to released prisoners, a category which includes hundreds of murderers of civilians. Since the PA cannot cover its monthly budget payments without Western aid, these additional payments to terrorists will also be facilitated both directly and indirectly by Western donor money to the PA.

Makes me madder than a long-tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs. All done so that our IMG 0855 iberal do gooder, progressive, politicians can assuage their World class social conscience.

Friday – warmish and cloudy with some snow / sleet / rain depending upon your altitude. Doesn’t do much for my attitude either.

Pop up for 10:00 and a couple of hours skiing. It’s like skiing on steel cut porridge oats or cement just setting. Bumpy and cruddy. As you look down the runs from the top it’s like a war zone, there’s bodies all over the place as the snow takes it’s toll. To add to the effect you have the occasional mortar going off, makes you jump out your skis, as the avalanche patrol clear any avalanche danger.  Some of the runs look like a war zone. 

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Tonight, the Environmental Agency and the Met Office together have currently a record 502 severe weather and flood warnings in place, with the South West, South East of England, London and Wales being particularly affected. Many families across the UK are facing evacuation.

Valentines day madness from the despots in the religion of peace, love and understanding:

The Saudis consistently punish the slightest hint of celebrating Valentine’s Day. The Kingdom and its religious “morality” police always officially issue a stern warning that anyone caught even thinking about Valentine’s Day will suffer some of the most painful penalties of Sharia Law. This is typical of the Saudis of course. As Daniel Pipes has reported, the Saudi regime takes a firm stand against Valentine’s every year, and the Saudi religious police monitor stores selling roses and other gifts. They arrest women for wearing red on that day. Every year the Saudis announce that, starting the week of Valentine’s and until a certain day in the future, it is illegal for a merchant to sell any item that is red, or that in any way hints of being connected IMG 0895 o Valentine’s Day. As Claude Cartaginese has reported, any merchant in Saudi Arabia found selling such items as red roses, red clothing of any kind (especially dresses), toys, heart-shaped products, candy, greeting cards or any items wrapped in red, has to destroy them or face the wrath of Saudi justice.

Christian overseas workers living in Saudi Arabia from the Philippines and other countries always take extra precautions, heeding the Saudis’ warning to them specifically to avoid greeting anyone with the words “Happy Valentine’s Day” or exchanging any gift that reeks of romance.

The sooner we are no longer dependent on Saudi Oil the better. Then we can let these sand gobbling rag heads go back to their 7th century barbarism. As Lawrence of Arabia once said “as long as the Arabs fight tribe against tribe, so long will they be a little people, a silly people, greedy, barbarous, and cruel, as you are”.

Saturday cold and cloudy.

Day off. No skiing. Should earn some browny points.

Drive down to Salt Lake airport to pick Anna and Leon up.

Charlie hebdo frontpage

As part of my continuing French studies I have translated the attached for you. “The Koran is shit. It can’t stop bullets”. Seems like the religion of permanent offence has been offended by this French cartoon and are taking satirical paper Charlie Hebdo to court for blasphemy over it. In an attempt to improve my French and to help desensitise those sicko fundamentalists who are so easily offended I’ve included it here.

Sunday – cold and snowy.

One of the worst ski days this trip. Snow was like porridge and being Presidents weekend it was very busy.

But at least we got 5” of fresh snow. Much needed.

Denmark’s Agriculture and Food Minister Dan Jorgensen has signed into law a regulation that bans religious slaughter of animals.European Union regulations require stunning before slaughter, but permit member states to allow exemptions for religious slaughter. Under the new law, Danish slaughterhouses will no longer be able to apply for an exemption to pre-stunning.

Monday – cloudy and cold.

Not quite as busy as Sunday and snow was a bit better. Although Payday and Town runs 
IMG 0729had some sheet ice under them. Now that’s a first.

Back home for a well deserved jacuzzi. They are rather good after a hard days skiing. Somehow they’re also so much better when it’s cold, or better still snowing outside. And no jacuzzi would be complete without a quality German beer. Struggling with getting the PH levels right – perhaps that’s why Anna’s silver rings gone grey. Well at least we still had some skin left on when we came out even if I was like a do dishes prune. Never mind at least the Bromine levels seem to be ok, keeps the jacuzzi libido down.

As the fundamentalists from the well known religion of peace seem to be jealous of the Olympics, so much so that they’re threatening to mount a terrorist attack I thought it was about time, in my new found spirit of inclusion and multiculturalism, we offered them an outlet for their anger. How about a new Olympic sport. The Jihadalon. Who can go off with the biggest bang. Teams from any terrorist organisation, the more the merrier, can send martyrs to stand in the centre of concentric circles of crash test dummies. Scoring is based on the size of the explosion measured by how many crash test dummies are anhilated; how many are knocked over; loudness of the explosion. Each team competes in 10 rounds of singles or better still 10 rounds of doubles. Due to the nature of this sport drug testing will of course need to be carried out before the event. 

Now that would really help with the war on terror.

Tuesday – bluebird morning but grey and over cast afternoon.

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Awesome skiing and snow was great. A lot quieter than Presidents weekend.

I’d volunteered for NAC in the afternoon. NAC lesson delayed so having a pint of Amber ale in the Pig Pen. Forgive me for I have sinned and broke the 2nd commandment of retirement – “thou shall not drink before 17:00”. Hang on, that’s a UK commandment so I’m absolved, as it’s 20:00. Perhaps I should have a few. Then to add insult to injury the whole lesson cancelled as the student is knackered. Never mind I suppose I’ll have to ski some more.

Another event for the religion of peace Olympics could the the Stonathelon. Teams of 10 terrorists or just fundamentalists could compete to see who can lob the most 10lb granite stones into the centre of a 100 Yard concentric circle, with a crash test dummy covered in a bright blue burka, buried breast deep of course, at the centre – simulating the stoning to death of an apostate or adulterer. The team with the most stones nearest to the centre wins. Extra points are awarded for any stones actually hitting the burka clad dummy.

Wednesday – cold and 7” snow during the day.

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Awesome skiing. Anna and Leons skiing are coming together. Anna has that distinctive flow down the mountain style, legs and skis parallel with no daylight between them, as a result of her trainer’s teaching methods. Fresh powder coming down on top of corduroy. Makes for great but tiring and difficult skiing, but well worth the effort.

Quit at lunch time to meet Wendy back at the house.

Then have a walk to the liquor store and supermarket and lug back some booze etc. 

The final event for the Religion of peace Olympics could be the Crucifaxelon. Open to teams of 2 terrorists or 2 fundamentalists who compete to see how quickly and stylishly they can erect a cross, amputate the left hand and right foot from a crash test dummy, complete with artificial blood for realistic effect, and then nail it to the cross – simulating the treatment of any one who opposes or fights the religion of peace.

Thursday – very cold, sun, cloud and sprinkles of snow.

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Powder alert this morning as there was 10” of snow yesterday. Sadly some of the runs (Temptation, Silver King) were very icy. Don’t know what happened to the powder but it’s as if they been sprayed with water. With wind chill the temperature felt like -3F. Certainly best not to have any skin exposed.

Great mornings skiing. Running commentary from Anna on how cold she is, but Leon’s just a skiing machine – it’s one of those Mars and Venus things. 12 awesome runs in and warmed up both air and snow towards lunchtime with blue skies.

In the evening we all go round to Hal and Carols for a lovely dinner. Angela loves meeting IMG 0906new people, so Leon and Anna get the works from Angela’s imagination and animated chattering. She has so much energy.

It seems like the religion of peace is not the only ones to be barbaric.

In a remote Indian province a young 20 year old girl who was going to have the audacity to marry a muslim, was sentenced by the village elders, to be gang raped by 12 men from the village and then tied outdoors all night.

Friday – blue bird day.

IMG 0990Meet Wendy and Angela for lunch. Wendy’s looking after her, so she bought her up on the bus, where she proceeds to entertain us with her delightful character. Never known a 4 year old, going on 26, with such imagination.Ski Deer valley for a change. Leon’s never been before. Both have an awesome morning burning up the runs.

After lunch we ski the rest of Deer valley although parts of it are so very icy and busy. But Anna and Leon get their last days moneys worth as we manage to ski until 16:30. Thanks to Anna and Leon for the Deer valley ticket.

Last jacuzzi of the week for Anna and Leon.

Now we’ve been watching the Olympics with the 1 hour BBC2 summary.

Now I know that BBC iPlayer have truly lost the plot with their crappy website – it makes me madder than an Amish electrician every time I use it. A complete insult to the IT industry. But their daily 1 hour coverage makes me think they’ve finally lost it all together. In a 1 hour summary you’d expect to get mainly sports coverage. IMG 0994An ideal summary of the highlights. Instead you get that silly bitch, who looks like she’s sucking on a giant lollipop, twittering on about twitter, texting and whats happening on social media – who gives an animated emoticon. Then they waste more time by interviewing family members and any other retarded hangers on. And even more tme by an animated round of FAQ from social media nerds who have asked the most inane questions you can imagine, in the hope of convincing everyone listening in that their brains have dropped out. Finally rather than showing the events, they show morons back home, with an IQ lower than their collar size, demonstrating the luge on a shopping trolley, trays or any other household item that has a coefficient of fiction less than 1.

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Seems like they can’t afford a studio, so they broadcast from the middle of a crowd; or some restaurant which seems to have parties going on in the back ground and rain pouring in on the coffee tables and chairs the BBC are using. Cheap and pathetic. It seems like the ineptitude of their nerdy software department is insidiously creeping in, like a one eyed bed python in a brothel, to the sports coverage. 

Saturday – blue ski day.

Pick a car up from Mr Hertz.

Wendy does a supermarket shop for the next 2 weeks while we have the car.

Drop Anna and Leon off at Salt Lake airport.

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Then we go to Costco. Finally manage to join in store, after many aborted attempts online. It was so simple. Do a big shop, especially for meat. Hopefully this will last us until we come out in June.

Sunday – a warm blue bird day.

Win some browny points by taking a day off skiing. 

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Drop car off and then have a walk up to the Silver Star cafe for coffee and lunch. Manage to resist a Stiegl. Then have a pleasant stroll back.

Only in America could you have a speed sign like this!

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20140206 – Snow, snow, snow 29″; National Ability Centre Volunteer; Standard letter of complaint to lazy Companies

Thursday – cold with some snow. 

Lazy start to the day as I accompany Florence Nightingale to the bus. She’s off to the hospital. Hit the slopes for 11:00. Get a really lazy 5 runs in, boy it’s colder than a well diggers arse in January.

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Invention of the Week is a “smart bra” that only unhooks when its inbuilt sensors, which monitor a woman’s heart rate, reach a level that indicates she’s . . . “excited”. Only the Japanese could dream up such a perversion of technology for technologies sake. Perhaps next they’l invent a chocolate oven complete with matching app, or a thong that starts singing when you’re nervous. Mind you it could be interesting as it pings open, and they flop out, every time the women sees something in the sales, or something that excites or frightens her.

Thought for the day:

If muslims got rid of the death penalty as punishment for apostasy I wonder how many muslims there would be left?  

Friday – snow and clouds.

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Dumped 5” overnight and best news is it was after grooming so an awesome, hard work powder day.

Of course if Ross was here I’d be able to hear some exotic superlatives as I ride the bumps. Awesome, but me legs are burning. Sadly no powder alert so I missed the best of it with a lazy 10:00 start. Need to rely on the snow plow as my powder alert. If there’s been a dump overnight then they’re out at about 04:30, more reliable than the Park City email.

Just to get a bit more exercise I stroll around to the gym in the evening for a “Free”, how I love that word, Yoga session. It was pretty brutal but i survived. Never seen so many bends and twists, felt like a cross between a wet rag and a pretzel. Unlike a British yoga session it was surprising to see men out numbering women.

Invest in some scales. Amazing how well the TE Ski Diet works. 6 lbs lost in 6 weeks, without having to cut back on alcohol. I’m at my lowest weight for what must be at least 10 years.

 

Coverage of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, has so far been over-shadowed by the threat of terror from Islamic jihadists. Cursing videos posted on the Internet by jihadists promise that the “demon Olympics” will have an “atmosphere of fear and terror” and tell the athletes that “Satan is with you.” Even Egyptian-born al-Qaeda leader Ayman Al-Zawahiri gave his blessings by calling for a “global jihad” against the Sochi games.

Muslim jihadists watch the games with bitterness, envy and criticism. Competitive sports are not an important Islamic value, especially if compared to the mental and physical training of Islamic youth for jihad. It is important to note that Islamic culture often discourages competitive sports, singing, dancing and self-expression, and this is the fundamental reason why there are few prominent Muslim athletes. Soccer seems to be the main event for them. Of course female contenders have to cover themselves in case any perverts should become tumescent with anticipation at the site of their hair, face or ankles.

Perhaps a new sport of “explosive jihad” should be added to the Olympics. Could be judged on who goes off withe the biggest bang. I’m sure only fundamentalist from the religion of peace would be sick enough to participate, thereby eliminating more scrots.

Saturday – snow all day and not so cold, relatively.

14” of fresh powder overnight. I didn’t hear the snow plow this morning though, and the volume IMG 0717was turned down on the iPad so I didn’t hear the phone call to tell me there was a powder alert. Fortunately, well not actually,  I’m doing my National Ability Centre (NAC) training today. So the best powder day since we’ve been here and I miss it. Life can be so cruel. But then when you see the disabled skiers the NAC takes out on the mountain you appreciate how lucky you are. What really blows my mind is watching these blind skiers. Can you imagine what that must be like, it really freaks me out.

Learnt how to lift the various skiing aids, complete with disabled student, on and off the chairlift; correct PC terminology, I’ll no doubt excel in this area; how to act as a blocker to stop loony boarders, and the occasional skier, crashing into disabled skiers; how to pick them up if they fall. But no one mentioned that because you’re interacting with the equipment you have to ski without poles. Years since I did this and amazing how difficult it can be.

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Looks like I’ve found out what my facial recognition problem is. I think I’m suffering from prosopagnosia, facial agnosia or better known as face blindness. Face blindness is thought to be the result of abnormalities, damage, or impairment in the right fusiform gyrus, a fold in the brain that appears to coordinate the neural systems that control facial perception and memory. It’s no joke when I watch a film I have real difficulty distinguishing characters unless there are 1 male; 1 female; 1 blond or each sex; 1 dark haired of each sex; beards are good, but preferably not on women; black of each sex works; baldies help. It can be quite disturbing at times, like when I went to pick our grand daughter up and wasn’t entirely sure which one she was. Fortunately I’m ok recognising Wendy as she’s the only female in the house.

Only in the UK:

David Cameron was forced to accept the resignation of his Immigration Minister today after he employed an illegal migrant as his cleaner.

Mark Harper said that he had been shown documents by his employee showing that she had indefinite leave to remain in the United Kingdom but he discovered this week that they were forged.

Sunday – too warm, cloudy with snow.

12″ more fresh powder so drag me sen out of bed and catch Eagle for that unadulterated virgin IMG 2286powder. Not champagne powder though, more like skiing through 6″ of salt. Still awesome and worth the supreme effort. A tad busy up there, but not as bad as a Saturday. Get spoilt by the quiet of the weekdays. For the first time my powder skiing seems to be coming together. Lean back more, lean into curves and keep low. Leaning into the heels seems to be the answer.

Guy on Eagle lift told me the UK won a skiing medal. Nearly fell off the lift in amazement.

By 11:30 it’s a whiteout. Time to make tracks for home. My bodies gyroscope gets very confused when it doesn’t know up from down, especially at 20 mph and above.

I think I’m having a time white out. Totally confused on what day of the week it is.

Wendy gets to talk to the kids, FaceTime is great. Have a chat with Kevin and Rosemary, really is just like being there, but without the wine.

Finally start to catch up on the winter olympics. Given that we’re skiing we should make the effort.

Well we’ve got HBO, fortunately on free trial for 3 months, but so far we’ve not bothered with it. BBC, UK channels and Netflix have more than enough to offer. HBO’s only strong point seems to be no adverts.

Well swat my hind with a melon rind, do my eyes deceive me? Has the EU finally grown some gonads:

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The European Union has called for Saudi Arabia to respect the public worship of all faiths.

The European Parliament said that while Saudi Arabia was an important strategic partner, Saudi authorities should accept that it is a human right for individuals to worship any religion in public.
Issues like terrorism, Israeli-Palestinian peace, the Syrian conflict, post-Arab-Spring transition, and better relations with Iran, were all key areas in which the EU said Saudi co-operation was needed. However, it made clear that if this partnership is to be effective, [Saudi Arabia] must respect basic human rights and civil liberties .

MEPs demanded that the Saudi state show respect the public worship of any faith and to foster moderation and tolerance of religious diversity. Saudi Arabia has an abysmal record on religious freedom.

In February 2013, the Grand Mufti of Saudi Arabia, Abdulaziz ibn Abdullah Al al-Sheikh said it is necessary to destroy all the churches in the Arabian Peninsula.

Apostasy – conversion from Islam to another religion – is a crime punishable by death and Saudi Arabia is one of the last countries in the world where public executions still take place.

Monday – I think.
 
29” new snow over the past 3 days. Today’s a bit of a white out but  with 2 – 6″ fresh powder on topIMG 2273 of corduroy it’s bodacious skiing. Worth the early start. Had a good mornings skiing -10 runs before lunch. Wendy had a walk to Einstein Bagels for a breakfast selection and then walked up to Payday to meet for lunch. Well tea and coffee.
 
Then later in the afternoon I need a bit more exercise so we have a walk into town to the bank and supermarket for some beers.
 
Catching up on the Winter Olympics and yes we did win a medal in snowboarding.
 
Here we go again with more censorship and attacks on freedom of speech:
 
Atheist students at a London South Bank University have had a poster featuring a flying spaghetti monster banned by union officials, out of fear that religious students would be easily offended by it.

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The South Bank Atheist Society (SBAS) poster featured the monster in place of God in a mock-up of Michelangelo’s famous Creation of Adam fresco from the Sistine Chapel, but it was removed from the freshers’ fair last week.

South Bank Atheist Society president Choe Ansari said:
This incident is just one of a catalogue of attempts to censor our society. I never expected to face such blatant censorship and fragile sensibilities at university. I thought this would be an institution where I could challenge beliefs and in turn be challenged.

All I have seen is religious sensibilities trumping all other rights with no space for argument, challenge or reasoned debate. It is not what I expected when I came to university.

Union censors at the London South Bank University removed the posters from the society’s stall overnight and then barred representatives from printing off more, ludicrosuly citing the visibility of Adam’s genitals as offensive. But when society members offered to blur out the genitals, they were told the problem with the poster concerned religious offence.
 
I hope these poor over sensitive religious fanatics realise they’ll never get to FSM Heaven – miss out on the Beer Volcanoes and Stripper Factories.
 
Tuesday – sun, cloud, a little snow and very cold.
 
Up on the slopes for 08:30 ready for my first NAC volunteer session – is this really an holiday.

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Great morning as a volunteer helping an instructor with a youngster, who’s disabled, ski on one of these mono skis. These kids are awesome. The instructor was in one of these mono skis too.  
 
Youngster and instructor survived my first day. Only ended up in the ski lift pit once due to problems pulling the student onto the lift. It’s all more difficult than it looks, bearing in mind that you have to ski with no ski poles, and with your skis on, you have to pull the student up if they fall over. 
 
Puts my skiing to shame. Notice the title National ABILITY Centre. The real emphasis being on ability. 
 
Then, after 3 hours helping, I just catch a much needed coffee followed by some serious skiing, with poles thankfully.
 
Now I know the Americans have managed to screw with the language they were given, but hey, on the crowded bus today no one apart from the driver and Wendy spoke English or anything vaguely resembling it. Looks like they have the same problems we have.
 

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Now this is what I’d often like to do as a result of all those crap websites and software out there.Needs to be 2nd floor or above. The higher the better.
 
Don’t you just love those lazy, good for nothing companies that send you emails telling you how much you owe, your car hire details etc., yet expect you to log into their bloody awful site to find out the full picture, like BT, Hertz, Halifax, Santander and the list goes on. Well here’s my boiler plate (cross out those, if any, that don’t apply) complaints letter I’m sending to them.
 
Dear Sir / Madame

Yet again you’ve sent me an email telling me:

I owe you money / my car hire is due / my flight is due / renewal is due / asking for a meter reading / …………………………………………. but forcing me to log into your site to find out the relevant details. Makes me madder and hotter than a program trying to divide by zero.

Has it never occurred to you that, I’m the customer who pays your wages, and rather than allowing the greedy little nerds in marketing department try to engage with me by getting me to log into your:
awful / useless / badly designed / confusing / common senseless web site.
 
In the hope that you can sell me something else, you could treat me with the courtesy and respect I as a customer deserve by:

Having a URL in the email (ask your IT department what it is if you haven’t a clue) that takes me direct to your web site with just one click. It’s not not rocket science, trust me, and most email apps even have a simple insert facility.

Have a URL (by now you’ll know what one is) that not only takes me to your web site but also fills in my name. Wow wouldn’t that be better. If your IT department don’t know how then sack them and get someone who does.

Have a URL that takes me to you web site and even logs me in. Again not rocket science very doable.

Have a URL that takes me to you web site, logs me in and present me with the appropriate page of the details I need. Again very doable.

Better still tell me if:

there is nothing to pay / it’s just the regular monthly payment with no extras / it’s below £x.

Therefore saves me the trouble of going into you web site.

Better, better still, tell me in the email, the summary details and provide me with a URL link direct to your web site for a complete transaction list.

Better, better, better still tell me in the email the relevant details, amounts and dates to save me going anywhere near your accursed web site. Wouldn’t that be heaven.

Now I know if you can even be bothered to answer this complaint you spring to the notorious, totally misunderstood and abused “Data Protection” defence. Because of course Joe public doesn’t have the wit to understand that. You think you can blind us with legalese and make us think you’re doing us a great service by “protecting us”. But I suggest before you do so, you take the trouble to read the Data Protection Act 1998 and consider which of the 8 principles would be contravened by such a common sense, customer focused, ease of use approach.

If your IT department tell you that any of the above is impossible then I suggest you:

sack the lot of them and replace them with some competent programmers / pay me a reasonable fee to organise it / sack you marketing department replacing them with customer focused, common sense individuals / better still sack the marketing department anyway, they’re usually the source of all evil, don’t give a post it note about the customer. Once you start to focus on the needs of the customer rather than trying to manipulate him you’ll find that success follows.

Now in all my years I’ve never dealt with a more hopeless company than Comcast, they’re a nightmare to deal with, you could do a comedy series on their antics, but just to rub it in they seem to have got the hang of it when it comes to emails for payment:

Dear Comcast Customer,

Your monthly bill is now available. Please sign in to My Account to view your bill and other important messages or notices regarding your Comcast services. 

Bill Overview

Amount Due: $36.59
Payment Due Date: 02/27/2014


Account Information

Account Number: ****1234
Service Address: 1234 ANY STREET
  PARK CITY, UT 123456

Note: If you are enrolled in automatic monthly payments, your payment will automatically be deducted from your bank account or charged to your credit card on the payment due date.

If you have any questions regarding your bill, please visit our Help and Support Site for more information. 

Thank you for being a valued Comcast customer.

Sincerely,

Comcast



Simples. The bills within tolerance so I don’t have to waste any more time on it. Not only do they send you the above but they also send you a brief video that explains “your” bill using actual values. All without needing any log in or other crap. How neat is that?

If they can do it why can’t you? 

You’ll have to forgive me for this boiler plate letter but there are so many other companies out there who don’t give a dam for their customers that I’ve had to resort to this approach and please make allowances for the syndrome I suffer from. It doesn’t have a medical name, yet, but basically I go through life thinking: I’m a customer; I pay your wages; I’m important to you; I expect some common sense; I expect you to test out your web sites; I expect you to test your letters; and you should be making my life as easy as possible. You’ll be glad to hear that I’m not a danger to myself or the public, although your antics do make my blood boil and induce in me a strong desire to come around to bang heads together and hand out brown envelopes with a P45 in them.

Yours With Boiling Blood

Tony 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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20140131 – Superbowl party; Very Cold; Domestic Servitude; Daily Routine

Friday – cold with some snow, sun and clouds.

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Have a pleasant mornings skiing. A lot of runs are still fairly churned up so skiing is a tad harder than usual, but compared to yesterdays powder it’s a breeze.

Wendy’s doing her Florence Nightingale thing, meeting greeting and chatting. It’s a hard life.

Just sat having a well deserved coffee in the Snow Hut and thinking about how I could still be a nerd behind a desk with 11 months to go before retirement, instead I’m just a nerd with 7 Sundays a week to enjoy. On that thought Its time to man up and get another 5 runs in. 

For a bit more exercise we have a walk around to Carols to pay the rent and then on to the liquor store. Ran out of Merlot and need a 6 pack for Sundays Superbowl game. I don’t know who designed this haversack of mine but they certainly never considered two boxes of wine and a 6 pack of lager as an essential.

Just cleared the patio of our latest snow offering. Not even a single bead of sweat. Now I’m either getting fitter or it’s too dam cold to even sweat. I’m going with the fitness theory.

Watched a very interesting Youtube on Americas immigration policy. They kindly let 1 million of the Worlds poor in every year. However, there are over 3 billion who meet the poor criteria, so this represents 0.03 of a percent and doesn’t even keep up with birth rate. Even if they increased this 10 fold it still would make no impact or keep up with the birth rate. However, what was even more significant is that the 1 million who do make it to the USA were almost certainly the best educated and able. Therefore a brain drain and depleting the 3rd World countries of a key resource that could do more good if they stayed in their own country. 

Good intentions and unintended consequences!

Off – energy-efficient

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Old – chronologically gifted, Gerontologically Advanced, Senior Citizens

Panhandler – Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding.

Paper Bag – processed tree carcass

Perverted – Sexually dysfunctional.

Plagiarism – Previously Owned Prose

Al-Qaeda groups operating in Syria have set up three bases in southern Turkey to train foreign fighters for terrorist attacks on the US and Europe, according to intelligence sources.

Hang on is this the same Turkey that wants to join the EU?

Saturday – very cold, sun, cloud and we get a tad more snow.

No skiing today.

Winning some browny points with Wendy. Browse round Main Street. Wendy buys a vivid green Patagonia fleece. If it’s half as durable as my 20 year old one she’ll certainly get her moneys worth. Then it’s domestic servitude as we head to the supermarket for fortnightly shop.

For some mysterious reason we get separated. Devastated. Wander around disorientated until I see a familiar site, Starbucks. Pop in for a rest and escape the cold and snow. It would be a tad rude not to have a coffee when I’m using their free wifi. Perhaps my maps app may help me eventually find the supermarket. 

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Taxi home – feel like the taxi brigade you see outside Asda, but it’s cheaper than hiring a car and the bus service is awesome. We seem to be managing very well without a car and the walking / bus is quite enjoyable, especially as we’re in no rush. To go skiing is just a 4 minutes walk to the bus stop, then a 20 minute bus ride. Mind you walking in 10lbs of ski boots carrying skies, heavier than two Malibu surf boards, is some good exercise in it’s own right. But, when I consider that renting lockers etc for overnight storage would cost about $800 over the season – I wouldn’t mind a whole seasons ski pass, including summer cost only $650 –  makes all that weight just float away. Wendy, now being a fully qualified, over 65 pensioner, can even get a season pass for $530 – less than the full cost of 5 day tickets.

They say you never stop learning. Well today I learnt to make sure to layer up even when not skiing. Never been as cold on this trip. In addition Long Johns would have at least helped, it was colder than a brass toilet seat on the shady side of an iceberg.

Welsh rarebit and baked beans for tea – me favourite. Slight variation as the bacon over here is tissue paper thin and shatters when you stick a fork in it, so instead it’s spicy Italian sausage – awesome.

Just 24 hours before Hals Superbowl party tomorrow. Need to get me head around American Football by then. May seem trivial to some but bear in mind I don’t even understnad English Football and am clueless, thankfully, on the offside rule. Looking forward to such an American experience. 

All this exercise seems to be paying off walking, even up hills or the stairs, is no longer the effort it was.

Policeman, Policewoman – law enforcement officer 

Poor – economically marginalised, Economically Unprepared, monetarily challenged

Postman – letter carrier

Pregnant – parasitically oppressed.

Prisoner – client of the correctional system

Sunday – blue sky and colder than a witch’s nipple in a brass bra doin’ push-ups in the snow.

Up and at em for 09:00. Get me 10 runs a day in, beats the gym anytime. Snow’s in fine fettle with that lovely creaking sound as you glide over. It’s that cold that the trees are still covered in snow, IMG 2250everywhere you look is like Christmas post code panorama. Just being up here on the mountains is awesome. If you don’t ski then you obviously don’t know what you’re missing, if you do then you’ll appreciate what I’m raving on about.

Back home for late lunch time with just enough time to chat to everyone back home and get ready for our great American experience. No it’s not another trip to Comcast, it’s Hal’s Superbowl Party.

How to back the wrong team – Sea Hawks 43 / Broncos 8. A YouTube video with lemons and oranges explained the game. Sad to see the only lemons on the pitch were Denver. The Sea Hawks just wiped the floor with the Broncos. It seemed to me that speed and agility, rather than brute force, body mass and big guts, won the day.

Wow they can sure stretch a 60 minute game out, 4 hours with adverts. More adverts than during an American movie. Alas no Janet Jackson to spice things up. Great afternoon. Some quality beers, great food and great company. An all American experience. I think by now, with help from Hal and friends, I at least understand the basics of the game. What amazes me is the unsung hero who invisibly manages to nip out and paint a new Yellow 10 yard line after each Down.

Prostitute – sex care provider

Psychobabble – constructivist feminist psychotherapy

Psychopath – socially misaligned 

Racist – genetically discriminating

Really Big Nosed – nasally disadvantaged

Monday – blue sky and very cold again.

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Lazy start to the day. Hit the slopes for 10:00. Wendy stays home knitting. Sadly only 1 black diamond groomed, Belmont. Very steep and short. Have two goes on it in order to get me moneys worth.

Very lazy day just get 5 runs in and then home for lunch – grapes and giant strawberries, oh so sweet though.

Finally get to listen to the Obama’s State of The Union Address. As I said last year, if he can achieve 25% of what he rattles on about he’d get my vote, but alas he failed to get any of his top 2013 State of the Union priorities through Congress. Congress ignored his calls for a new jobs program, for new gun controls and for sweeping immigration reform.

This year he spends a lot of time ticking off congress for inaction and failure; threatens a lot of independent action, executive orders I suppose if he doesn’t get his way; allegedly he’s going to get it done with or without congress. Certainly a good orator, can talk the talk. Mind you some of it came over like a pregnant pole vaulter, especially judging by the grimaces and face of the guy behind him on his left. I quite enjoy American politics, the good thing is it doesn’t affect me. Whereas watching question time or the incessant programmes on scroungers and scrots get me madder than a pack of wild dogs on a three legged cat.

We were stupid enough to watch “The Big Benefits Show”, a real blood boiler. Very biased in favour of scroungers and scrots. Must have selected both audience and panel especially.  How can you class pensioners as being on benefits, we’ve paid in for a pension all our working lives and I don’t believe for one moment the figures they quoted on percentage of scroungers / fraud. Simple solution to it all. Workfare. Then you put something back in for the benefit you receive. And for those that object to it then, tough, I for one don’t care about anyone who objects to such a fair solution. It would be interesting to see how many of the scrounging scrots then got a proper job.

Redneck – person of region, rustically inclined

Refugees – asylum seekers 

Road Kill – Vehicularly Compressed Maladapted Life Form 

Rudeness – Tact Avoidance 

Runny Nose – nasally gifted

Now I know the liberals brains have finally dropped out:

Nick Clegg has admonished one of his party’s parliamentary candidates, Maajid Nawaz, for tweeting a cartoon of Jesus and Muhammad .

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So what choices do we have in 2015. Labour who’ll fritter all the hard work and financial progress away in the shake of a scorpions tail on benefits and populist policies with no common sense. Liberals who just pander to Islam and immigration. UKIP who have some great policies on immigration and a strong emphasis on UK, but seem to be a complete vacuum on anything other and have some of the looniest candidates. Or stick with the conservatives, they’ve turned the economy around and are realistic about further debt reduction and strong fiscal policies.

Sadly they’re all about as useful as buttons on a dish cloth

Personally I’d vote for any party that has a skerrick of common sense; puts the UK first; kicks multiculturalism into the failed loony bin it belongs in; bans the burkha and stops pandering to Islam, if they want to be here then you’re welcome, but don’t expect the UK to bend over backwards and be shafted; get us out of Europe; abandons all foreign aid and looks after UK first; introduces Workfare for anyone on benefits for more than 2 weeks, no exceptions. 

Tuesday – blue sky, very cold then snow storm in the afternoon.

Up at the crack of sparrows as we had 2” fresh snow yesterday. Get me 10 a day runs in and home for lunch. Lost Prospectors the Black Diamond that’s been groomed today. It’s a bit like Jones’s in reverse, gentle meadows to start with then a steep finish – good run,  especially with the new snow on top of all that corduroy.

I’ve had the best part of the day skiing as after lunch a snow storm sets in. We decide to go for a walk / ride down to the Outlet Stores and Walmart. Believe it or not it’s actually quit enjoyable in the snow, but somehow can’t see us doing the same thing back in Belthorn in the rain. Have a good afternoon. Finish up at the bakery for coffee and the usual giant “free” samples.

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Call in at Chase Bank to get a credit card. Don’t really want one but so many of the US sights can’t cope with UK post codes so you can’t order things on your UK credit card. Guy at Chase has a great solution, he assigns our US address to our Chase Debit card and leaves the address for snail mail in the UK. A result. So simple. Really impressed with Chase they’re as good as NatWest – so far.

Are posties in the US specially recruited from a new genetic mutation that produces orangatang long right arms so that they can reach into post boxes without leaving their jeep? Entertaining to watch how they do it.

An interesting approach:

Treat the muslim ideology with caution and candidness.  Treat the Muslim as an individual.  Don’t judge Islam by the Muslims that you know, and don’t judge the Muslims that you know by Islam.

Wednesday – very cold, 10F, blue sky and sunny.

My day seems to be settling into a regular pattern. 04:30 if it’s snowed then snow plough turns up, Armageddon, it sounds as if the Worlds coming to a noisy end. 07:00 alarm may go off, turn over in our super soft bed, under a warm 1 foot thick quilt, courtesy of the supreme sacrifice of their Down from a flock of geese. Question springs to mind “why am I getting up”? Turn over again 10 minutes later and drag myself out, after asking the same question. 07:20 shower, breakfast and a lazy coffee. 08:20 get armoured up with more layers than pigeon shit under a church eaves. 08:25 walk to bus stop. 08:34 on the bus finish gearing up ready for combat and select my music for the day. 09:00 Eagle lift up to top. 09:00 let skiing commence and now I understand why I got up at 07:00. Awesome morning skiing, usually with a good mid-morning coffee and Internet break in front of the fire in the snow hut. At least 10 runs a day and calories burnt, probably about 1,500. Totally bodacious way to spend a day. Better than any Gym and all for $8 a day. After lunch it’s a walk with Wendy just to get some exercise in. 

Now, I don’t want anyone to think I’m obsessive, but the nerd in me has figured out how to write an application that will take any “Powder Alert” email and turn it into a phone call to ensure I’m up in IMG 2280time. Just in case snow plow man or alarm doesn’t work.

Seems like we got 3” of fresh powder yesterday so up on the slopes for 09:00 to make the most of it. Mind you no powder alert as it all arrived before overnight grooming.

Have a great mornings skiing. Get 12 runs in and reach a new land speed record – see tracker. Thankfully there’s no speedo on my skis so you can’t see the speed you’re doing, otherwise I think there’d either be a brown stain or I’d fall over out of sheer fright. With it being so cold the snows lingering on the trees and looks mighty pretty. Sadly it seems that America has it’s fill of scrots who seem to want to shed their bras or knickers whilst on the ski lift – the mind boggles – and throw them on the trees alongside the lift. Ski graffiti in my opinion, spoils the beauty. Let the punishment fit the crime I say and ban them from wearing the offending articles for at least a year.

In the afternoon we take a stroll around the Racquet Club Estate, where we’re living. It overlooks a golf course. I think. All covered in snow. It’s gorgeous, blue skies and fresh snow everywhere. Call in at the Gym, it’s only 5 minutes walk away from home. Every facility you can imagine and just what you need in case you don’t get enough exercise on the mountain. Looks like I can go to free – my sort of word – Yoga classes every Friday in February. And tomorrow afternoon I can go to a free fencing – of the foil, epee and sabre variety – class. How neat is that? 

 

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20140127 – Powder at last; 9″ is more than enough; Book review “The Quran”; Start on the Black Diamonds

Monday – almost a Bluebird day but we have a few clouds and its frost bite cold, enough to freeze the balls off a pool table. Fortunately have my new ski jacket and pants which keep me warmer than two hampsters farting in a wool sock.

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Slopes are empty today. 

Leisurely start to the day. Cram in a great moorings skiing. Moving up a notch this week. Start on the Black Diamonds. Some serious underwear stains possible. Sadly only one groomed overnight, Combustion, short and steep. Come on PCMR you need to do better than this.

It so cold that my nose thinks it’s a tap, it’s running faster than I can eat it! Yuk.

Isn’t nature weird. There’s a Husky tied up that has a choice of sleeping on concrete huddled up against a brick wall against the wind or sleep on the open ice on the skating ring. So where does it sleep? On the ice of all places, so it’s either an innate trait or he’s more retarded than two Spaniels trying to retrieve one stick. 

Reasons not to ride the lift with scum boarders: they speak a language no one outside their close knit fraternity can comprehend; every sentence ends in dude, at least you know where the full stops are; they gob all over the slope; if they’re wearing Skull Candy then they wave their arms around like an Orangatang with saint vitus dance; spend too much time adjusting their underwear so that it’s on display to all; the way they walk and dress, with waist bands around their knees you seriously fear they’ve shit themselves and it’s going to be one stinking ride. 

More PC terminology for the liberals and progressives (liberal gone bad)”

Man-hole – maintenance hole

Mankind – humankind, HuMAN, PerSON, Earth Children

Mercy Killing – Euthanasia, Putting Down, To Sleep, Out of Misery

Messy – differently organized

More lunacy from the religion of peace:

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Three polio workers have been killed in the southern Pakistani city of Karachi, a day after authorities began a new vaccination drive, officials say. Reports say gunmen opened fire killing one man and two women administering polio drops. The attack is the latest in a series targeting polio teams in the country.

No group has claimed responsibility, but the muslim extremists of the Taliban oppose the polio schemes, which they claim to be a cover for international espionage.

Pakistan is one of only three countries where polio remains endemic and is indeed on the rise, due in part to this militant resistance to polio mass vaccination campaigns.

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New rule: No foreign aid to Pakistan, or any other country for that matter.

New rule: No immigrants from Pakistan allowed into the UK, even if they do have a child bride or family in the UK. We don’t want polio or TB kicking off again.

Tuesday – yet another bluebird day, that’s 14 in a row, and not as cold as yesterday.

Slopes are empty.

Black Diamond start to the day. Combustion again short, steep and a tad icy. Survive yet again without chewing on ice.

Snow promised for tomorrow. This mountain needs feeding. Can’t wait. Please, please, pretty please let it snow big style.

Wendy’s off to the outlet stores. Hope she remembers the want / need credo. 

Nearly had squirrel for tea. Just missed him with my skis by 6”, perhaps next time.

Get back home just after lunch and sit in front of our patio doors with the sun streaming through, coffee, Internet of course, Kindle. Lovely and warm with mountain views.

Meter Maid – Parking enforcer

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Midget / Dwarf – Little People, Vertically Challenged

Mute/Dumb – verbally challenged

Normal – non-disabled

Not with somebody at the moment – romantically challenged

Book review – the Quran. Now with all my rants and raves about the religion of peace I thought it was about time to read Quran, to try and see what it’s all about. Well, I’ve finished it and here’s my book review. No I’m not converting, I’m speechless:

There’s no way this will win a Nobel prize, a Booker prize or even an Orange award for an under 10’s fairy tale. It’s the incoherent rants and ravings of someone who, if tried to publish it in this day and age would be condemned to a psychiatric ward. I wouldn’t even give it one star and certainly would’t recommend it to anyone. I’d rather be condemned to repeatedly reading “Last of the Mohicans” and “Moby Dick” for all eternity. If you don’t like my free speech opinion and book review then tough, don’t read any more, remove me from Facebook, purge my blogs URL and rat me out to the Muslim Council of GB or CAIR, but certainly don’t try and read this raving fairy tale.

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Contradictions; incoherent ravings; almost incomprehensible; piecemeal; repetition, repetition, repetition;  confusion; damnation; woe betide you on judgement / resurrection day if you’re not a muslim; hellfire for non-muslims, aethists and pastafarians.

This is the word of a god! How come a supreme being is not capable of expressing himself clearly for all time? Requiring no interpretation, nor more scholars than Muslim fundamentalist at a stoning, to corrupt the message. Look at the clarity, simplicity and elegance of the ten commandments or the simple philosophy of “do unto others as you would have done unto you”. This fairy tale has none of that. Yes there are passages of mercy, love and kindness, but there’s more obsession with hatred for non-believers.

Judging by the amount of repetition I can only assume that mohammed got paid by the word count. 

Believers and goodie two shoes go up to paradise full of fruit and virgins etc., etc., and the rest suffer a painful punishment in this life and go down to hell fire.

Directives, topics, diatribes, incomplete accounts of Old Testament stories appear randomly with very little stream-of-thought consistency.  Themes are disjointed and shifting, something that would not be expected of a perfect book of instruction.

Far from teaching universal love, the Quran incessantly preaches moral superiority of IMG 2249muslims and the inferiority of non-Muslims (who are but fuel for the fires of hell), even comparing them to vile animals and gloating over Allah’s hatred of them and his dark plans for their eternal torture. Naturally, the harsh treatment of non-believers by Muslims is encouraged as well. The Quran with boring repetition distinguishes between believers and unbelievers (61% of the book is about non-Muslims), drawing a sharp distinction in the value of each group and laying the foundation for discrimination and dehumanisation of non-believers. 

Allah condemns non-Muslims to Hell based merely on their unbelief, while believers are rewarded with the finest earthly comforts in the hereafter, including never-ending food, wine and sex. Sounds good to me, but what if he welshes on the deal, can you really trust a deity who can’t write a simple instruction manual for life.

Not content with merely preventing unbelievers from knowing the truth (which is enough to condemn them to Hell) the Quran says that Allah also causes unbelievers to commit the very sin that he will later punish them for. How neat and spiteful is that.

I think it’s fair to say that the Quran meets every criterion by which we define hate speech.  Not only does the message inspire loathing and disregard for others, but the text mandates the superiority of Islam, even if the means of establishment is by violent force. 

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So far I think I’ll stick with the gospel of the flying spaghetti monster (FSM). Much more readable, structured, logical, no hatred and makes much more sense. Although I do think perfect powder skiing should be added to the beer volcanoes and stripper factories of FSM heaven. Next up, time to finally read the bible and a biography of the Life of Mohamed. 

Wednesday – snow and must be Belthorn, rain.

Wot no overnight snow. You promised snow. I’m up at 07:00 to check snow report and get geared up for some fresh powder. Look out the window and what do I see? Nothing, nada, not even a skerrick of snow, not one single snowflake. Snow reports the same. All that bloody technology, all them petra bytes, all them petra flops, all the best brains and you can’t even keep your promise. In future I’ll stick with haruspicy and read some liver entrails from the local supermarket.

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Have a few hours but flee the mountain in tears when the snow, yes it finally manages a smidgen, turns to rain.

Afternoon in sulking and reading.

Wendy’s doing the Florence Nightingale thing and volunteering in the hospital today. She’s happier than a zombie in a nursing home.

“If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.” George Washington.

Freedom of speech under attack again, buy guess who? So what’s to dislike about a few cartoons?

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Some Lib Dem geezer has managed to stir up a shit load of rhetoric, blasphemy claims, attempts to limit free speech, hatred, toys out of prams, threats and violence because of some cartoons depicting mohammed. Yet, now I’m such an authority on the Quran I can say that nowhere in there does it ban images of Mo. In fact in Shia wing of the religion muslim images are quite common. So why all the man made fuss about it.? But thankfully they’ve shot themselves in the tea towel yet again, as this has promoted a great cartoon site I certainly wasn’t aware of called Jesus and Mo. The idea of the site is a simple one: the two religious figureheads J Christ and Mohammed share a house and discuss matters of religious philosophy, often in arguments with a wise atheist barmaid at their local. It’s well worth a look.

So yet again freedom of speech and expression is under threat from a small minority of religious fruit cakes from the religion of peace. Why do we need blasphemy laws? Surely a supreme being / god / flying spaghetti monster is capable of defending his or her own honour.

Anyway to defend free speech, before it’s too late, and to help these fundamentalist News maajid tweetfruitcakes with their severe mental health problems here’s my desensitising therapy. A copy of the cartoon and a link to a really funny website Jesus and Mo – enjoy. I certainly will.

Thursday – snow.

Powder alert received early morning. I’m happier than a nerd with a Raspberry Pi. Up on the slopes for 09:00. 9” of beautiful virgin white powder and most of it’s not been tamped down. It looks like a white out though, so take the cautious route and go for the easier runs. Jonesys awesome. 9” of virgin powder is more than enough. Sadly right ski seems to suddenly go slower than left ski, next effect is gravity takes over and I’m left chomping on fresh powder.

90 minutes of this powder and I’m cream crackered. Assessment is an easy Blue, usually takes about a minute to ski down. Not today, it’s a good 5 minutes worth. For the first time I even get a sweat on. Certainly changes the dynamics of skiing and makes you work IMG 2106 arder, mind you 6” of powder on top of your skis as well as trying to turn through 9” of powder, stretches them thighs. Awesome, this is what it’s all about. Praying for more snow. Have a well deserved coffee and then a few more runs.

Met Wendy for lunch at Payday Lodge, made an exception and had their Bison Chilli. Awesome.

Leisurely afternoon reading and watching the snow come down.

Then for tea we do the French thing and have bread and cheese. With a little wine. Sadly American cheeses all seem to be made of lightweight plastic, a mix between brightly coloured plasticine,  and putty, even their so called “Foreign Cheeses”

This is the life. Living The Dream.

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20140122 – Tony cooks a S’mores (more domestic serivitude); Wendy splashes out; how to be a pool guy.

Wednesday – another bluebird day but late afternoon we get to seem the first clouds in 10 days. Then it goes colder that the nipples on witches tit. Flat light on the snow and you don’t see the bumps until they hit you.

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Wendy’s off for her first training sessions a volunteer at the hospital. So it’s a late start all round. 4 hours hard skiing for me, with a break for coffee of course. Then we meet up late afternoon to go coat shopping.

Wendy’s seen this black goose down coat she fancies. I’ve already fell off me perch when I did the first thing any man does and look at the price tag. But she really fancies it so she’s going to try it on unencumbered by 7 layers of ski gear and a liberty bodice. Yes, it fits! Yes, it looks good! We’ve had the “want” and “need” discussion and established there’s a need. She struggles with the price, I’m comatosed. Then it’s a decision. Yes she goes for it out.

Another Netflix evening. Watch the Jack Reacher film and discover we’ve already seen it. An age thing, like the goldfish swimming under the bridge in the bowl and thinking umhh thats a nice bridge, one of the few benefits of age and memory problems. Watched Olympus Has Fallen last night an awesome film, a Die Hard on steroids.

Great news for those of us who avoid vegetables and all this healthy food fad:

Eating “five a day” cuts your risk of cancer

The five-a-day campaign was dreamt up in the fields of California in 1988 and was launched on the back of claims that eating more fruit and vegetables would cut your risk of developing IMG 2182cancer.
This has been studied for over 30 years, but no protective effects have been firmly established.”
That said, eating fruit and vegetables does seem to protect against heart disease and other chronic diseases, and is certainly better than eating junk food.

It’s not just muslims who want to ban freedom of expression:

A comedy show about the Bible, which producers say has been endorsed by hundreds of clergy, has been axed from the Theatre at the Mill in Newtownabbey amid claims it was anti-Christian .The Reduced Shakespeare Company was due to kick off its latest UK tour by presenting The Bible: The Complete Word of God (abridged) at the council-run venue. But earlier this month, calls for the show to be cancelled were made by DUP councillors.

We’re well on the way to loosing any free speech.

Thursday – bluebird day. 

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Wendy’s out early, in her new coat, to go for her 2nd training session. Interesting how many volunteers this profit making hospital consumes. They obviously know a good thing when they see it and utilise the free labour to the maximum. Assumedly by now they’ve found out that Wendy’s not on Blue Crystal Meths despite having watched all of Breaking Bad. 

Two weeks now and not a black bin liner anywhere to be seen. Even rarer than clouds. What a refreshing change. Although I have to say the sight of someone skiing or scum boarding in a black or even blue burkha would be a sight of comic proportions. Similar to the YouTube video of someone eating spaghetti in a burkha.

Late morning and lunch time skiing. Meet Wendy around 14:00 and then it’s off for our Park City Mountain Host volunteer interview. Wendy fancies Plaza meet and greet or Marketing where you go round and do surveys. For me I’m more into the being on the mountain but with us being here late in the season it may not work. They’ll let us know. Let’s hope Wendy gets on as she’ll get a free season pass. Then she’ll be skiing every day!

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In the evening Hal, Carol and of course Angela come round for dinner. That little 4 year old has more imagination than all of Disney combined. Tonight out settee and cushions are no longer a rowing boat to cross the Atlantic in, but has turned into a sleigh. Very pleasant evening, good food, good company and the wine wasn’t too bad. Sadly wine and booze in Mormon country is a tad pricey, that’s if you can find the state liquor stores and find one open – more blue laws in direct violation of the 1st Amendment – I think I’ll complain to that Obama geezer.

A few skier and scum boarder jokes:

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Q: Whats the difference between a snowboarder and a vacuum cleaner?A: One is a noisy scumsucker with a bag of air on it. The other is for cleaning your floor with.
This guy walks into a bar at Mt. Baker and says “Hey, you guys wanna hear a snowboarder joke?”The bartender says, “Well, I’m a snowboarder, the guy on your left is a snowboarder, same with the guy on your right, and a couple of folks behind you as well!”.So he says “Ok, I’ll tell it a little more slowly then”
Q: Why do lifties only get a 1/2 hour lunch break?A: Any longer and they need to be retrained.
Q: What do snowboarders use as birth control.A: Their personalities.
Q: How does a snowboarder introduce themselves?A: “Ohhhh – sorry dude!”

Q. What is the difference between an onion and a snowboard? A. You don’t cry when you cut a snowboard in half!

Friday – another bluebird day.

Lazy start to my day, hit the slopes around 10:00. As I get on the ski bus there’s a family of IMG 2190pretty crazy SFF people. They look at me as if I’m some sort of alien astronaut with all my skis and gear. Than the ultimate, well thought out, ultra intelligent question comes. “Are you going skiing?” It’s oh so tempting to say no I’m going crocodile hunting, but the I suppress my Victor alter ego and answer politely.

Wendy’s staying home deafening the neighbours with the click, click of her needles. I manage 3 hours awesome quiet skiing in – see ski track report. Sneak in 11 awesome runs. These skis are really becoming at one with me and the legs aren’t catching fire as much.

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Then it’s back one for coffee and afterwards we have a pleasant sunny walk into town. It’s funny but down in the town you’re at about 6,700 feet and you sure notice the altitude when walking, feels like lugging a sack of hammers on your back. Yet on the mountain you’re up at 9,500 feet and never feel it the same – thankfully. Meanwhile our bodies must be busier than a cat trying to bury s..t on a marble floor, churning out extra red blood cells. Good news is that alcohol is some much more effective.

Well we’ve been here two weeks now and are really feeling settled in and at home. The stork definitely delivered me to the wrong town. Our home here is so very comfortable, a real home from home. We just love the open plan layout; have more bathrooms than we can use; even have an office; great balconies and deck;kitchen has everything we need; just got to try the jacuzzi out. The bed is that comfortable and has an awesome lightweight goose down continental quilt. You just sink into the bed and are warmer than a pikelet in a toaster. Walking and catching the bus is really no hassle and becomes part of this awesome way of life. Standing waiting for a bus with these awesome surroundings and views is a pleasure. We’re out every day doing some activity and yet at home, this time of year, we just feel caged in and IMG 2208suffer from cabin fever as it’s too dam cold, wet, grey and miserable.

Wendy’s really enjoying her hospital volunteering. And of course I’m really enjoying the skiing and being out and about in those awesome mountains.The really great news is that Wendy’s already talking about finding somewhere for 3 months skiing next year.

Q. What were the snowboarder’s last words? A. DUDE, WATCH THIS!!!

Q. Where does a snowboarder hide his money from his roommates?A. Under the soap dish.

On the first day of her vacation, a woman fell and broke her leg. As the doctor examined her, she moaned, “Why couldn’t this have happened on my last day of skiing?” He looked up. “This IS your last day of skiing.” 

Q. What do snowboarders and a human sperm have in common?A. They both have a one in million chance of becoming a human being.

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A guy finds out he needs a brain transplant. The doctor proceeds to show him various brains. One brain, which belonged to a skier, cost $500, the other, which belonged to a boarder, cost $5000. Perplexed, he asked about the price difference.
The doctor replied “Well, the boarder’s brain has never been used!”

Food for thought:

If Muslims stopped killing other Muslims because they belong to a different sect; stopped forcing their chosen practices on other Muslims; tolerated less pious Muslims;did not feel the need to hang, crucify or stone to death apostates; did not feel enraged if other Muslims did not abstain from alcohol or pork, or did not attend the mosque; did not kill men, women and children because they adhered to other faiths; did not blame rape on the length of a woman’s skirt; did not murder their own wives because they spoke to strangers, or their daughters because they 1622850 10152197113768210 444978736 nflirted with boys or because they were raped by rascals; did not wish to start the World War III because some maverick cartoonist drew blasphemous caricatures; did not use suicide bombers to strike terror into the heart of the unbelievers and then think that these very same jihadist would be rewarded with heaven and 70 virgins; did not issue death fatwas because an author wrote a blasphemous book; or did not aim to spread their religion to the entire world, by the sword if necessary, then fighting Islamophobia would be much easier.

Saturday – yet another gorgeous bluebird day.

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Join Hal and Carol for a mornings skiing. Despite not having had any snow for nearly two weeks it’s still in great shape. Hal manages to put me through my paces, with 2.5 hours none stop action, 3 double blues and even start on a Black Diamonds early. Get the legs on fire. Need to stop being so lazy and put in more turns, these guys put in about 3 times as many turns as I do.

Wowsers, have I cracked it. Forget all your faddy, high priced, boring, eat only veggies, give up living diets Try the TESki diet. It’s simple and great fun. According to my ski tracker a mornings skiing = 1,740 Calories (yes the big C’s). Therefore, by my calculations I can enjoy 3 full bottles of red wine, or 5 bottles of lager, each day, and still be well on my way to a svelte like figure.

Home for lunch and then after lunch we take a walk (I really need the exercise) down to the IMG 2213 anyons to have a look around and look for some new ski pants for me. Sat outside around a roaring log fire in brilliant sunshine drinking coffee. I get the chance to do some cooking, more domestic servitude, as there’s free S’mores on offer. Apparently an all American tradition like pumpkin pie and pot roast. Here’s the recipe, two marshmallows toasted on a skewer, then when they’re melting / black you scrape them off onto chocolate on a Grahams cracker and put a Grahams cracker on top to make a marshmallow and melted chocolate sandwich. Quite tasty and best of all they’re free. Mind you I needed a pint of meths to get the melted marshmallow off me.

Wow we’re really getting into the swing of things as we’ve moved Noddy past Big Ears time to 22:00, although Wendy still manages to nod off even during East Enders – not that surprising as its so dam boring.

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More non PC sayings for everyday use and offence to those open minded liberals and progressives (a liberal gone bad) whose brains seem to have fallen out:

Insane People – Mental Explorers; Selectively Perceptive

Insult – Emotional Rape

Janitor – sanitation engineer

Klutz – kinesthetically challenged

Large Nose – nasally gifted

A court in the Pakistani city of Rawalpindi has sentenced a 70-year-old British man to death after convicting him of blasphemy. Muhammad Asghar was arrested in 2010 after writing letters to various people claiming to be a prophet, reports say. His lawyers argued for leniency, saying IMG 5232he has a history of mental illnessl. Asgharn has been diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and had treatment at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Edinburgh, but the court did not accept his medical reports from the UK, reports say.

Pakistan’s controversial blasphemy laws carry a potential death sentence for anyone deemed to have insulted Islam.

The blasphemy complaint against Asghar was filed by a tenant in his building, after he was given an eviction notice.

His lawyer told the BBC’s Saba Eitizaz that she was forcibly removed from the case by the judge and that proceedings were carried out behind closed doors.

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Foreign aid to this barbaric 3rd world country that also has a nuclear weapons programme and shelters terrorists should be stopped immediately. Yet the clowns in the UK government are planning to double the amount of aid it provides to Pakistan from £267m in 2012-13 to £446m in 2014-15, making it the largest recipient of UK aid. We spent a total of £9.1Billion of foreign aid in 2012. Money we don’t have. The majority going to governments who despise our way of life; have barbaric practices; murder Christians, people of other religions and atheists; reject democracy; have space programmes; nuclear weapons programmes; sponsor terrorism. Obviously our MP’s brains have dropped out. Someone needs to fumigate the houses of parliament to get the smell of stupid out of the furniture in there. I’m just speechless. We should rise up against these idiots.

Sunday – year another gorgeous bluebird day.

Nominate today a lazy day, a day of rest even. Saturdays and Sundays tend to be busier onIMG 2227 the mountain so if we have one day off then these are ideal candidates. Catch the bus into town to seek out some new ski pants. End up buying matching Karbon jacket and pants. I’ve already passed the need test, as my existing gear is just over 9 years old. Even her indoors has two pairs of ski pants for her one day a week debut, whereas my gear has to be washed and dried overnight else I don’t get to ski.

End of Sundance Film Festival today so we say goodbye to all the pretty crazy people and hopefully the Town gets back to normal.

Bloody deer have been again and pinched all the bird food, time for evasive tactics. Test the hot tub for PH and Bromine levels – apparently it dampens the desire for randy activity in the hot tub! Add  a tailored concoction of chemicals, next stop I’ll be a Nobel chemist brewing a batch of blue meth. Then the deck needs a good sweeping as the gutter men have cleaned out the gutters and deposited the residue on the deck – oh the day to day tasks of your average American.

More Liberal taunting Non PC terms:

 

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Lazy – motivationally dispossessed; motivationally deficient

 

Learning Disability – Self-Paced Cognitive Ability

 

Library – Educational Resource Center

 

Logger – Wood Weasel; Paper Pirate;Treeslayer

 

Loser – Second Place; uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path

 

Here we go again kicking off and limiting free speech. I wonder who it can be this time:

And all I said to my wife was: That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.

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Maajid Nawaz, a Lib Dem PPC in Hampstead and Kilburn, stands accused of committing the thoroughly heinous crime of causing religiously aggravated butthurt in the first degree, the suggested punishment for which appears to be political career death by change.org petition.

At the heart of this is, yet again, a completely innocuous Jesus & Mo cartoon which Maajid clearly considers to be anything but offensive, hence the tweet.

The webcomic Jesus and Mo is a simple one: the two religious figureheads J Christ and Mohammed share a house and discuss matters of religious philosophy, often in arguments with a wise atheist barmaid at their local.

It is, of course, irreligious and arguably blasphemous. (In its very first edition or episode or whatever you call it, Mo points out that it’s forbidden to depict him pictorially. Jesus asks what he’s doing in a cartoon, reasonably enough, and Mo claims he’s a body double.) It’s also very clever, informed by philosophical and religious argument, and — as mentioned — funny.

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20140118 – Ski, Ski, Ski. Wendy has a drug test. Those pretty crazy SFF people are everywhere.

Saturday – more bluebird days 40F and clear blue sky. The mountain needs feeding with some more snow.

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Pictures are of the Ice Castle we visited last night with Hal, Carol and Angela – our landlords.

Pick car up from Enterprise after yesterdays failed pick up. Mind you one hell of a deal, 3 days at the weekend for $36 and to top it all I get a full size Hyundai Elantra, very swish.

Decide against driving to the ski slopes as it’s absolute mayhem with the Sundance Film Festival so catch the bus in and have a lazy couple of hours skiing. Busy due to all the crotch droppings, but worth it.

In the afternoon it’s the liquor store, Walmart, Bread shop for some of their amazing granola and then Whole foods for a salad. By the time we get back it gone 18:00 so we pass on going to DSC03924 atch the Half Pipe Championships. Try out HBO and pick up a full feature length film with Larry David (Clear History), like a Curb Your Enthusiasm on steroids. Also sample a some beer and wine just to stock me dehydrating.

Sunday – another bluebird day.

Up at the crack of swallows and have the benefit of driving tot he slopes. Not really all that much in it as the bus service is so frequent.

By 10:00 I’ve cracked off 6 awesome runs on corduroy and am ready for a well deserved coffee break. Then pick up another 4 runs and back home well and truly knackered.

Popped into the National Ability Centre to volunteer to take disabled and blind people skiing and in the summer archery – no this is not a joke, they are in blue. The centre here at PC has a Worldwide reputation for excellence in sports for the disabled. Isn’t it neat that they don’t call it a “National Disability Centre” but instead the “National Ability Centre” – mind you DSC03927 ot that they can spell it that well. When you see some of these guys ski you get to understand why they use the word ability. No legs or blind and they put me to shame. 

Then for a bit of exercise with Wendy we go for a 2 hour stroll around town, look in at a great looking Mexican and then it’s Starbucks in PC with all the pretty people. You’d think they were giving it away, coffee that is. The pretty crazy people are posing and marauding everywhere. Interesting you seem to get two distinct sorts the eye candy brigade dolled up to the nines, pretty and don’t they know it.Then you get the nerds who look like they’ve escaped from a deep dark cellar where they operated the IT help desk, dressed by someone from the Salvation army clothes stall a Sartorial Schizophrenia,  and are in such desperate need of some TLC and human contact.

At this rate I’ll be both knackered and asleep by 20:00, another chance to fall asleep over Silent Witness. Will I have the energy to climb the apples and pears as noddy passes big ears – moved to 09:00 these days until we get our high altitude legs.

Monday – another bluebird day.

Is this heaven? Up at 07:00, wondering why so early, is it worth it?

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Eagle lift for 09:00, eagerly awaiting opening; Temptation for first run of the day, sun and corduroy; King Kong lift; King Kong; Silverlode lift; Jonesys for virgin corduroy, steep start among those awesome Aspens and then a long smooth well groomed velvetty finish, just like a good coffee; a few more runs then time for coffee. Then more, more, more and home around lunch time after an awesome mornings skiing. 

Is it worth the early start? You bet. All that and awesome mountain scenery for just £5 a day. Beats any gym membership. 

Anyway time to notch up a gear ready for Kurt. Last week was gentle start, just blues. This week need to tackle the double blues and push these old legs in a 16 year olds body some more. Skies are now behaving and feeling very comfortable and at one with them and as for for my 15 year old antique boots, they’re still as responsive and comfortable as the day I bought them. Like a pair of 10lb fur lined slippers. 

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Back home and take Wendy down to Salt Lake for her drug test. Salt Lake is covered in smog and you get a terrifying view of it as you drive down from the clear blue skies of the mountains into what looks like a 1950’s pea souper from above.

Yes’ they took just one glance at Wendy at the hospital interview and decided she was a druggy. Typical of her age and the Little Missy jeans were a dead give away. Hopefully they won’t detect the brandy problem! She can manage the pee test but they have to call in a head nurse and then a doctor to get any blood out of her. She comes out with holes in both arms where they tried to get blood out of the stone. Sadly they have no Mickey Mouse plasters.

Take the car back and have a pleasant walk (as if I don’t get enough exercise) back home.

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Tuesday – another bluebird day.

Wendy’s hitting the slopes again. She’s that keen she’s 200 yards ahead of me, just galloping to the bus stop. Can’t wait to get on the slopes.

Amazing isn’t it there are all these special SFF buses for the pretty crazy people, and they’re almost always empty and one every 5 minutes. Yet they, the pretty crazy ones, decide to mount the ski bus, so skiers can’t get on. Meanwhile there are empty SFF buses everywhere.

Have a pleasant morning skiing; stop for coffee; then to the corner store for lunch. Wendy has a ginormous Philly Steak sandwich and I can’t resist a Chezc Pilsner. Sinner that I am, as I break the 2nd commandment of retirement – “Thou shalt not drink during the day”. The temptation was just too great after such an awesome and heavenly day.

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Amazing isn’t it in this day and age full of the wonders of IT you get a tab at the end of the meal that doesn’t add up. Can you believe it there are cash machines that can’t add up. Instead of $19.53 it’s $19.55. I point this out to the waitress – one of those Victor moments. No of course it’s right she says. No it isn’t says Victor. She goes back in and comes out with the tab, still wrong but 2 cents for me. The manager says it just rounds the bill automatically. And just by coincidence it rounds up. Hmm! It’s not the 2 cents it’s the principle, they could at least warn about rounding on the tab and better still round down.

Mind you at least this tab doesn’t do the maths for an 18%, 20% and 22% tip. Gone are the days IMG 2158 of being content with 10%, easy on the brain, or 15%, a tad more taxing, for really great service. Funny old thing isn’t is, everyone screams highway robbery at taxes that at least in theory go to improve society, yet accept without even a glance at a calculator a 20% tip. So the other night our waitress must have dolled out at least 3 tabs an hour at say an average of $60, thats $180 at 20%, thats $36 an hour, plus assumedly minimum wage of say $7 an hour giving a total of $43 per hour at a 37.5 hour week for 48 weeks thats $77,000 pa. Average wage is $44, not bad if you can get it. Sadly we (yes both of us not just me) really struggle with this tipping lark although I have to admit that service here is so much better IMG 2167than in the UK, but 10% is my  normal limit for good service, it must be the English Victor in me.

Well that’s enough of the Victor moments for the day, better quit while I’m still intact. Time to go home and finish clearing the deck. Play with the awesome snow blower that just blows all leaves and loose snow off the deck.

 

 

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20140114 – Let The Skiing Begin

Tuesday – bluebird day.

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That’s it supermarkets, shopping and any other form of domestic servitude is now over with. Let the skiing commence, only 84 days left. Up at the crack of sparrows and on Eagle lift for 09:00. Just 4 minutes walk to the free bus; then 20 minutes on the bus and I’m on the slopes, so why bother with a car.

Great mornings skiing. Fresh snow, blue skies, empty slopes and awesome mountain views. Skis seem to be behaving them selves for now, but just for good measure they go in for an overnight waxing (brazillian) and edging!

Back home for lunch. Then we have a leisurely stroll into town to the Comcast store. A day would be incomplete without Comcast in my life. Have a chat with the granite rock who gives me yet another box and cables. But this time it’s bigger, always better, and silver. And believe it or not it actually works after a high tech online activation.

You’d think by now in life I’d know better. But no I couldn’t resist and watched that blood boiler IMG 2063 Benefits Street” – a bigger health risk than the Daily Mail. It should carry a Government health warning. Fags, iPhones big screen TV’s, top brand goods and plenty of booze. When they whine about getting more or improving their lot it was always about more thieving or better benefits. The concept of getting a job rarely seemed to enter their heads. It really grieves me to say this but after watching that thieving scrot you really do start to wonder whether Sharia law has got it right with chopping hands off. The more humane equivalent might be a metal gauntlet. Will I have the wit to avoid the rest?

Dear M&S

IMG 2072I see you’re having some troubles shifting alcohol and pork through the tills over Christmas, as some of the muslims have kicked off about it and your such a liberal organisation you let them get away with it. Therefore I would like to offer my assistance. 

I seek a job on your shop floor at the Blackburn store. I’m sure with all the muslims floating around there, like Daleks without a proboscis, you need all the help you can get.

I’m not muslim and have no problem with pork or alcohol – well perhaps a few too many red wines after I clock off but that’s another matter. Nor am I a veggie so am ok with meat and vegetables. 
In fact as a Pastafarian my religion positively encourages getting rat arsed – not on the the job of course. However, as a Pastafarian the Flying Spaghetti Monster, all praise be to him, would expect me to follow certain beliefs:

1 I would have to refuse to deal with any customer who did not have an item of pasta in their IMG 2051 hopping. Perhaps we could have a “Pasta” isle where anyone with pasta in their shopping basket can be fast tracked.

2 Every Friday is a holy day and I could not work on those days as we celebrate with beer and pasta and contemplate the beer volcanoes and stripper factories of Flying Spaghetti Monster Heaven – all praise be to him.

3 On our other holy days I would of course need to come to work dressed as a pirate, with a black eye patch of course, but in the interests of hygiene I would leave the parrot at home. It can be a tad inconvenient flicking bird turds off you’re shoulder.

As such an enlightened, do gooder, PC, liberal, multicultural employer I look forward to hearing from your Human Remains Department and can provide a full CV should you so require it.

Yours Sincerely

Wednesday – another bluebird day blue skies, sun and great snow.

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As it’s a bluebird day Wendy’s out their sharpening and waxing her skies in eager anticipation of her debut on the slopes.

Pick up my skis duly go faster waxed and edged. They behave themselves again. Feeling really at home on them.

Lazy start Wendy’s having none of this “09:00 Eagle lift nonsense”. Get on the slopes for 10’ish. A few green runs with Wendy, doesn’t she do well for a pensioner. All her own teeth and attitude too – not sure where she gets the attitude from – but as she says don’t mess with me I’m hormonal.

Then it’s a leisurely coffee break. Followed by a few runs down to Payday for lunch. Being tight Wendy’s made her own butty – comes out a tad squashed after skiing. I get a free coffee. DSC03899Blessed are the poor, or so they say.

After lunch it’s a leisurely stroll around the ski stores – expensive. I invest in a new pair of sticks, to replace my old odd ball mismatches, but having said that I’ve had 20 years out of them so can’t grumble. Remind me not to take Wendy with me when buying ski equipment, she thinks colour rather than performance is important.

Hal comes round and we drain and refill the hot tub and fire it up ready for apre ski on our deck. It’s an American thing / experience. At this rate I’ll be barbecuing next – not a pretty site and probably more chance than a Taliban barbecuing bacon, pork chops and black puddings for his family. There’s a typical grill, a buffalo sized Barbie out there on the deck. No aluminium trays here.

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It’s my first Comcast free day I’m getting withdrawal symptoms. Will the granite boulder miss

Included some pictures of our home for the next 8 months. It’s so comfortable and we feel really at home here. 3 floor living exercises the old calf muscles, as if skiing’s not enough, we’ll have legs like Russian shot putter by the end of August.

More PC enlightened terminology to aid my integration with normal society:

Hamburger – Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh

Handicapped – Differently Abled

Having PMS – cyclically challenged

Hearing Person – temporarily aurally abled

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Homeless – outdoor urban dwellers, residentially flexible, Mortgage-Free Living 

Housebroken – Family Disfunction

Housewife – domestic engineer

Hunter – Animal Assassin, Bambi Butcher, Meat Mercenary

Ignorant – factually unencumbered, knowledge-based non-possessor

Incompetent – Differently Qualified, Specially Skilled, Uniquely Proficient

Thursday – blue skies and sun again. Great snow.

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Boring routine up at 07:00; walk to 08:34 bus; Eagle lift for 09:00; then hit Temptation for the first awesome run of the day; work my way across the mountain; have an extended coffee break talking to Joe and putting the World to rights. Then some more skiing. Is this heaven, bugger 70 virgins, not physically of course, or any of that religious clap trap – one women is more than enough to cope with?

Wendy goes for an interview at the hospital as a volunteer. Yeh, she got the job, right pleased about it, but first she has to go for a drug test to make sure she’s not a junky pensioner. Well just one look at her and you’d think she’s the type – pots for rags.

Well I see the Sundance Film Festival has started, the crazy people and pretty people are out DSC03916and about. Spotted my first two blonds in over sized fur coats and posy boots. At least they had the sense not to be wearing high heals. I’m sure before the fortnight’s over well get the whole works of fur coats; high heals or even pink furry moon boots; permanent botox smiles the size of a crescent moon; teeth so blinding white that you need welding goggles; make up as thick as the base crust on the bottom of a Melton Mowbray pork pie; and duelling silicon implants the size of two water melons attempting to escape their restraints, with chapel hat pegs enhanced no doubt by the cold weather!

Good news is the ski slopes will be quiet as hardly any of them ski – yippee.

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After lunch Hal comes around and gives me a lesson in hot tub maintenance; PH levels; Bromine levels etc. Then we tackle some snow clearing on the deck. Best to leave it to the salt and sun.

Our deck is absolutely awesome. We get the sun from about 13:00; it’s big, being American what can you expect; it has a hot tub; it has views of the mountain tops; and of course has an all American barbie.

Some more health guidance, take it with a pinch of salt. Oh perhaps not salts supposedly bad for, try a pinch of pepper:

Being overweight is unhealthy

The accepted wisdom is that if you have a body mass index (BMI) of between 25 and 30, then you are overweight and this will shorten your life.

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People with a BMI of between 25 and 30 were actually 6 per cent less likely to die than people considered to have a healthy BMI, ie, 18.5 to 25.

First prize for the dumbest muslim terrorists has to go to:

The Birmingham terror group. Wow, these guys are dim. Found guilty in February this year of conspiring to commit acts of terrorism, the three space cadets had managed to raise £12,000 for their planned attacks but then lost £9,000 of it when one of them went to make a cup of tea while betting on online stock exchanges. The leader of the gang – nickname: Chubbs – was reportedly too fat and unfit to undergo proper terror training. They had bought sport ice packs in the hope of using the ammonium nitrate to make bombs, but ammonium nitrate is no longer an ingredient in commercially available ice packs. No money, no training, no nitrate… well done, lads, you’re officially the dumbest Islamists of all.

Friday – another bluebird day 39F.

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Bagels for breakfast. We have an awesome Einsteins bagels store in town. Some of the best bagels ever including Apple and cinnamon, cinnamon raisin, cinnamon sugar and blueberry crumble. Then for the veggies of the world theres a host of bagels just oozing green stuff – not for me.

Bit of a lazy start today as we’re up a tad too late for an 09:00 start. Standards are slipping.

On me ski’s by 10:00. Manage a good two hours. Meet Wendy for lunch and also bump into Hal and Carol for lunch at the corner store.

Now here’s the latest really bad health news:

A couple of glasses of red wine a day are good for you.

The upside of drinking modest amounts of alcohol is that it may protect you against heart disease. The downsides of drinking alcohol are the increased risk of liver disease and cancer. Half a unit (about a quarter of a glass of wine a day) is the optimum amount from a health perspective.

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I suppose you don’t have to believe all the latest research!

Leisurely afternoon. Then in the evening we visit the Ice Castle down at Midway with Hal, Carol and Angela. Amazing and as the light fades the coloured lights really bring out the best in the castle – pictures to follow on the next blog. As it’s the Sundance Film Festival we drive down to Kimble Junction for dinner at the Red Rock and hopefully avoid the “We’re Beautiful And Flaunting It Brigade”. Good food, good company and good beer what more can you ask for. Oh and free beer mats to boot!

Air Infidel  – the only airline that for added comfort has pigskin covered seats regularly greased with pig fat to keep them supple and has pork crackling, black puddings on the menu.

 

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