20140811 – Stand Up Paddle Boring

Monday – warm and sunny.


Mountain host ready to help.

Mountain host ready to help.

Leisurely morning. Nip to supermarket on the bike. Really only interested in the liquor store but the dam place doesn’t open until 11:00. You’d think these Mormons would be up at dawn. At least get two rides / exercise.

For the first time we manage to find time to sit on our patio with a coffee, book, feathered friends and greedy squirrel, who will probably turn into a giant ball of adipose tissue covered in fur if he keeps on eating bird food at the current rate. He’s also a noisy little chappy, sounds like a rattler. A pleasant morning just relaxing.

In the afternoon we meet Jewlee, Jerome and Britain up on the mountain to enjoy the benefits of free rides. 6 hours later we’ve managed to do the slide, coaster, trampoline and zip line – lightning stopped play for a while. Jewlee managed to do the zip line, despite the look of trepidation, it’s always interesting to see that look as they get nearer the front of the queue. One more off her bucket list.

Then it’s back home for dinner and some much deserved wine after a long but enjoyable afternoon. Really had a great time with Jewlee,

Jerome and Britain do the alpine slide.

Jerome and Britain do the alpine slide.

Jerome and 5 year old Britain was so well behaved with impeccable manners. It seems to be a characteristic of American kids.

Another great day here in paradise.

A quick inside view of a Mormon Wedding. Apparently they’re a very brief affair and the food served is unbelievable. The most popular wedding meal is Cheesecake and gummy bears. Can you believe it? Certainly cuts down on the costs. But as one web site says don’t come to the wedding hungry, you’ll probably starve to death.

I think it’s about time we started having a laugh at the expense of me and my fellow nerds. They’ve a lot to answer for with their flimsy bug ridden code, confusing, common senseless human interfaces that even a flock of Gibbon Monkeys randomly typing could do better and web sites flung together with zero thought or testing. Nothing works these days – not like when I was a lad.

Don’t despair if you don’t get them all. They are rather nerdy.

Why programmers often mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25

The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed Linux.

Roses are #FF0000, Violets are #0000FF.

%20… the final frontier…

Jewlee finally makes it to the bottom.

Jewlee finally makes it to the bottom.

Words of wisdom from the Daily Blood Boiler, AKA The Dail Mail.

“Western leaders, as a whole, remain in denial about what is occurring in Muslim countries because it exposes their past analysis as catastrophically naive – but Islamic State can be defeated

The West still refuses to acknowledge that in this region, religious revolution is a far greater evil than undemocratic government.

David Cameron’s head was turned three years ago by the cheers of Libyans celebrating Gaddafi’s fall. Today, they are sheltering from the bandits that now run the country.

If Cameron, of course, had had his way last year, Britain would now be engaged on the same side as Islamic State, fighting President Assad’s regime in Syria. But, then, the British Prime Minister is merely one egregious example of collective folly.”

One of Pat Condell’s rants from 2012. Nothings changed. Hamas are still out for genocide of all Jews.


Tuesday – warm and sunny.


Forecast for 85% chance of rain, but we ignore it.

Alpine slide at PCMR.

Alpine slide at PCMR.

We both have a leisurely bike ride down, and down is the key word here, to Kimble Junction.

Starbucks and lunch for Wendy. Then an expensive visit to Wholefoods. They really should change their name to Dearfoods, but they do good foods and salads.

Wendy catches the bus home. It’s uphill you see. Payback for the easy ride down. Not only do they let bikes on the buses but the driver even helps you get them on. Can you imagine that in Blackburn?

For me it’s the long slog back up. Good exercise.

As for the rain, it just never happened, yet again, so it was a pleasant afternoon tea on the deck.

Homer tries to buy a gun.

Our friendly squirrel who sounds like a rattle snake.

Our friendly squirrel who sounds like a rattle snake.

There is no place like

Girls are like Internet Domain names; the ones I like are already taken.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly.

My Software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages.

They’re calling it ‘Islam’.

Wednesday – warm and sunny.


Well Wendy’s crook again with UTI.

The Racquet club and golf course (our estate) from the top of PC hill.

The Racquet club and golf course (our estate) from the top of PC hill.

Women’s problems. Bad female plumbing design if you ask me. Perhaps it’s a product of creationism, certainly lacks intelligent design.

I go for me hike up PC Hill while Wendy’s off to see the sawbones. She’ll be getting a bulk buying discount along with an invite to the Christmas staff party at this rate.


Afternoon spent in relaxing as there’s rain forecast, but yet again it turns out dry and pretty sunny. It’s a Dreamweaver afternoon, I get out one of my favourite toys and get back into updating my website. Nerdy joy. When will I ever get any reading done at this rate.

PCMR from the top of PC hill.

PCMR from the top of PC hill.

The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be.

Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. Weinberg’s Second Law

A real classic. We need more of this:

A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.

The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.

The Arab Muslim asked him, “What are you doing?”

The cabbie answered, “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so piss off and wait for a camel..”

Panorama from the top of PC hill.

Panorama from the top of PC hill.

Thursday – hot and sunny.


Rain forecast again but not a smidgen, thank Chione I ignored it. Temperatures are climbing back up again. 90F on our deck.

Sandhill crane family taking a stroll around our estate.

Sandhill crane family taking a stroll around our estate.

Wendy’s washing and rolling bandages again.

I’m rather perturbed as we seem to be down to the last bottle of wine, so it’s off to the off-license (strange name for it, wonder where it came from), liquor store makes so much more sense. The really great thing here is if you want something you either walk, cycle or if you’re truly lazy catch the bus. There’s something refreshing and novel about getting on your bike and “nipping” into town – oh how I’ll miss it. On top of which it’s oh so healthy. At 6,500 feet it gets the red blood cells multiplying.

Hummingbirds have arrived.

Hummingbirds have arrived.

Followed by my usual mountain bike ride, coffee and papers in the hospital lounge, followed by archery at the NAC. Todays target is the Sherrif of Nottingham, Captain Hook and some villain who I can’t name from Aladdin. I still really worry that this will turn these kids into mass killers if they ever get their hands on an automatic rifle.

Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens, Blackburn council have finally exercised a modicum of common sense with free parking Saturday and weekdays after 15:00. Now all they have to do is get it in their thick skulls that Blackburn is still a dump and people need every incentive possible to encourage them to visit. Still one small step in the right direction.

Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows


Software is like sex: Its better when its free.

Don’t know who said it but it just about sums things up:2014-08-13

“Western civilisation faces an enemy that it is still too timid and too polite to confront in earnest. This is an enemy that rejects progress in all its forms, dehumanises women, exults in death and recognises no borders. Its international reach was never more terrifyingly evident than on 9/11, but it is if anything more deeply embedded in western societies 13 years later.”

Friday – hot and sunny.


Wendy having lunch yet again.  She's obsessed with this eating at lunch time, costs me a fortune.

Wendy having lunch yet again. She’s obsessed with this eating at lunch time, costs me a fortune.

Well it should be hike day but Wendy’s not up to it.

For a change we catch the bus up to the Deer Valley ponds for Wendy’s lunch, whilst I try this Stand Up Paddle Boring (SUP) craze that seems to be sweeping America.

In case of an emergency I’m given that life jacket thingy around my waste. If I fall off and knock myself out, all I have to do is pull a yellow rip cord and I’ll float face down in the water and expire before the mormon gators get me


Perhaps on the ocean, surrounded by sharks, it may have slightly more zing to it. Here in PC, on a lake with not even a Mormon alligator or water snake to be seen, it just plain boring. Well I’ll try most things once but to do it a 2nd time I have to enjoy it. Guess I won’t be trying this again.

In the evening we go round to Carol and Hal’s for dinner. Good company and great food as always. But all this talk of leaving PC in 11 days time is depressing.

Is the glass half full or half empty?
Yoga American style. Perhaps it's less boring than SUP.

Yoga American style. Perhaps it’s less boring than SUP.

Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Pascal programmers: Well, what type of milk is it?
C Programmers: No thanks, I’ll drink straight from the jug.
Assembly programmers: No thanks, I drink straight from the cow.
Basic programmers: No thanks, I’m still breast feeding.
Pentium users: I drank .499999 glasses of milk.
Mac users: My milk comes with it’s own (proprietary) cereal, bowl, and spoon.

Meanwhile it seems that the religion of peace just hates dogs and thinks they are unclean

2014-07-30It seems that Mo geezer said in one of his many rants: “Whoever keeps a dog, his good deeds will decrease every day by one qeeraat (a unit of measurement), unless it is a dog for farming or herding.”; “Angels do not enter a house wherein there is a dog or an animate picture.”

Meanwhile us infidels don’t fare much better from the koran, the word of allah don’t forget: “Then Those who disbelieve from among the People of the Book and among the Polytheists, will be in Hell-Fire, to dwell therein (for aye). They are the worst of creatures.” (98.6); “Surely the vilest of animals in Allah’s sight are those who disbelieve, then they would not believe.” (8:55).

Meanwhile that fruitcake the Ayatollah Khomeini, who dedicated / wasted his entire life to studying Islam, said that non-Muslims rank somewhere between “feces” and the “sweat of a camel that has consumed impure food.”

Anyway back to the muslim hatred of dogs. Does anyone know where I can rent, borrow, hire or take for free daily exercise a pack of dogs. I thought a nice daily stroll around Audley Range and Whalley Range might be a good desensitising idea. Help our fellow countrymen with their integration into our tolerant multi-cultural society. PS I promise to take a black bin liner, without a slit in it, to scoop up the shit into.

Saturday – hot and sunny.


Yes’ it’s Saturday yet again and we’re both off to be mountain hosts for the day, ready to deal with the great American public. Well I gird me

Mountain host girding his loins and vocal chords with caffeine.

Mountain host girding his loins and vocal chords with caffeine.

loins, put on a terrifying smile and marshall all me stock, be nice phrases; how’s it going; have a nice day; can I help; any questions; good morning / good afternoon (that really throws them), g’day seems to work better.

After all that biting of my tongue, it’s like a fine porter house steak, after an hours pummelling with a meat tenderiser.

England and America – two countries separated by a common language.

It’s ok for Wendy, she’s so good at it and it comes naturally. 40+ years of nerdiness and never going near the great unwashed public has not prepared me for this. An enlightening experience.

Back home for a quality beer and some wine.

Deer valley from the top of PC hill

Deer valley from the top of PC hill

5 reasons all computers are female:

No one but the creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
The message “Bad command or file name” is about the same as, “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, I’m certainly not going to tell you.”
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Well it seems like our leader, Cameron, has finally started to come to his senses with his recent statement: “We are in the middle of a
Mountain blue bird.

Mountain blue bird.

generational struggle against a poisonous and extremist ideology which I believe we will be fighting for the rest of my political lifetime.”

Sadly he was only talking about ISIS and the other extremist islamic fundamentalists, but it’s a start. Perhaps eventually he’ll twig that the whole religion of peace is the problem and wake up before it’s too late. All he has to do is to read the koran – yes given all my rants about islam I took the trouble to read it – to appreciate that this immature, barbaric religion is still in the 7th century and will not rest until we’re all muslim drawn back into their barbarism.

Meanwhile I can’t believe the Church of England has accused the Government of appearing to have no “coherent or comprehensive approach” to tackling the rise of Islamic extremism. Yes, the CofE! THE BIGGEST LOAD OF DHIMMIS I’VE EVER COME ACROSS. Really makes my blood boil. They fall over themselves to give away CofE schools to be dominated by the so called religion of peace, all in the name of a do gooder, liberal, multi-cultural, fanatical ideology that has sold this country out to the fanatics and not helped integration one slit in a burka. As a chair of a CofE primary school I was utterly appalled by them.

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