20171022 – Mickey Mouse Town; Send Trainers We’ve Worn Ours Out; WOT No Time For Wine

Up at the crack of sparrows for 10:30 flight to Orlando. Apart from the usual need for security crap the airport was almost tolerable. Amazing how the only way in is via a snaking yellow brick road that takes you through every bit of duty free – marketing strikes again, f.ck the CUSTOMER. Mind you they’ve also managed to add yet another queue to the misery they call airports. Yes, you now have to queue to get in the airport lounge.

Wendy quaffs the brandy with all the gusto of someone who’s spent a week in the dessert without a drink. She just about gets on the plane where she immediately goes to sleep for 2.5 hours, wakes feeling rougher than the inside of a desiccated hush puppy, and then has the brass nipples to blame me for letting her drink so much – grown ups.

Virgin have also managed to strike another blow for added misery with a warning that there’s building works at Orlando so expect delays – they’re so sorry.

Kids are well behaved, no tears or tantrums, and the grandkids are also well behaved. Mind you for sanity sake they’re 10 rows behind us – smart eh!

Everyone’s up at the crack of sparrows. Might as well make an early start then on the parks. It’s animal kingdom today and we’re there by 830. They choose this as they thought it would be an easy day – no doubt it’s going to be a long day as we’ve a “safari” arranged for 6 o’clock. As you’d expect kids are loving it, the look on their faces is amazing, especially through lion King. I even manage the Everest roller coaster ride, it’s just 10 seconds short of my pewk point at which moment I’d be sharing diced carrots with the rest of the world. This is the second time I’ve done this. Never again.

Finish about 20:00, so it’s a McDonalds for dinner. Suits me, but so much for an easy day.

You promise the kids an ice cream and then you find that ice cream stalls are rarer that a lap dancing club in Tehran. And then, just like a bus, there’s two of them within 100 feet.

Up and out for Islands of Adventure. Security ridiculously tight with scanners. Everything out you pocket. It seems that a piece of paper has suddenly become magnetic, and is a serious security threat, it also has to be taken out. It’s all just a amateur house joke.

Another long day. The kids love it. Pictures say it all.
But by 20:00 we’ve a car full of tired screaming kids and tempers are frayed as we search for an ALL YOU CAN EAT place. End up back home.

I think it’s about time we accepted that young kids and late days at the park = misery all round. Just settle foer shorter days.

What is it with this Harry potter phenomenon, fully grown adults wandering around in Harry Potter gowns – grow up.

How I wish I could bite my toenails like Beatrix can.

Universal studios for 09:30. Good relaxing day with Starbucks and Amex lounge for me, Fiona and Beatrix – chance for her to have a crawl around. Kids get quite a few rides and shows in. Devon and Honey have been on the wimp tablets and are chickening out of rides like a mouse in a thunder storm. I manage ET and the Starbucks experience, twice. Good day.

Oh how sad Univrtsal Studios closes at 17:00, we manage to escape at 16:00 but bad news is we end up in Walmart. Kurt decides to become a nomad and disappears as soon as he’s needed. They are all scatter brained with no focus.

Disney magic kingdom highlight of the holiday. Screw up on the parades as its a Halloween party tonight, extra of course, and therefore none of the parades are available to us. Poor information on the web site so it’s time for Ross and I to go to customer services. Professionally sorted by customer services, they give Ross and co access on the Saturday we get back off the cruise, so at least the kids won’t miss the parades.

Good news, it turns out our LG TV is not repairable so we get a replacement new tv or a refund. Result!

MGM Studios today. A more relaxing day. Not out so early but we stay for Fantasmic – gets screwed up because Susie and Fiona are on Rocking Roller Coaster ride and don’t link up with Wendy. A real shame as it was one of the few things Honey really wanted to do and now she’s missed it. Wendy treats her to a present to make up for it. The rest of us watch the movie show and then the Star Wars show – impressive – just a pity it clashes with Fantasmic.

A very late night but fortunately we had the sense to have some food at 17:00, so everyones not so ratty.

Can you believe it an American diner that doesn’t sell hot dogs?

Time to leave our 5 bedroom villa in Kissimmee and set off for the Disney cruise. The villa was ok, just a tad tired. Cutlery came ready with dried food meals on it, nothing like dried egg already in the forks. Wendy washes all the cutlery etc by hand. She would have used the dishwasher but it has the unique law of nature defying ability to create matter by spewing out dishes and cutlery dirtier than when they went in. The kids are so excited, and the grandkids are excited too.

Amazing we manage to all be ready for a 10:00 departure, but it does make you wonder how Monty ever mobilised the troops in WWII.

It’s about a 80 minute drive. Well at least it would be if the driver hadn’t decided to pull off halfway down the toll road. It’s a mystery of age as to why I did it.

Drop off at port was smooth; car return efficient; security, check-in and boarding not too much hassle. Although why security had to have a 70 year old YTS’er doing on the job body scanner training amazes me.

Then by dinner time our suitcases still haven’t arrived. Turns out they’ve been stopped because there’s contraband in them – a bottle of whiskey, wine and brandy. We have to pull them out and hand them over. Collect them when we leave ship.

It’s ok if you’d put a bottle in carry on but not in the suitcase. And the cock and bull story reason for this is that Disney are so concerned for our well being that they don’t want bottles to break in our suitcase and soak our clothes. I point out in my inevitable manner that they’re more likely to get broken in hand luggage and as they’re not broken there’s no need to impound them.

Of course it’s nothing to do with them being greedy bar stewards and wanting to milk you with their on-board booze prices. Just pots for rags.

Why do they try and insult your intelligence with such a stupid reason? Why not just be up front, we sell alcohol and want to make a big profit? That I could cope with.

On the plus side the ships officer arranged for two free day spa passes and 6 free Palo restaurant tickets for all our adults. So even though he would never admit it’s just cock and bull, he at least tried to make things right and obviously didn’t agree with the rank stupidity of it.