For those snowflakes, wokes and libtards who may not be able to cope with some of my Rants etc., then select here:

To the Thingimajigger, off on an adventure, this time 6 weeks in France because that Biden geezer won’t let us back into the USA. Any more of it and we’ll cancel their independence.

Off down to Brett’s, a 4.5 hour journey that ends up taking 6 hours. Why Am I surprised. a 44 minute delay on the M6 near Stoke, now there’s a surprise. Emergency repairs to about 10 feet of barrier, not that any of the barrier intruded onto the carriageway. So let’s close off two lanes, cause mayhem while we look at it. I suppose it could easily be left as is with minimal risk or even fixed overnight with minimum hold ups. But no that would be way too sensible and not half as much fun watching the mayhem. Then for some bizarre reason our satnav has decided that going around the M25 is a good idea. That’s the problem when you trust software, you really have to remember most of this shit has been written by a 10 year old with zero common sense, no social skills and still needs his Mummy to tie his shoelaces.

Finally get to Brett and Karine’s for a very warm welcome and a superb barbecue of South African sausage, black puddings, pork ribs and mackerel. Plenty of meat, oh and a few veggies skewers, and my favourite corn on the cob. Am I turning into a veggie? Also not to forget a couple of Jever’s and a bottle of Carmenra. Sleep the sleep of the righteous that night.
 

Brett and I are off kayaking down the coast to Climping for a coffee. It’s a grey day and sure enough as we get to the beach it decides to rain. Not to deter intrepid kayakers, we go for it. It rains all the way there and when we stop for coffee the heavens open up for about 20 minutes. Finally slackens off so we set off back. Now Bretts been very good at looking after his Father and helping with the launch into the sea at high tide. It’s really quite flat out there but he manages to push me off into a freak tsunami wave. The damn waves 3 foot tall and my kayak dives into it only to be ripped to one side and eject me. Must be the first time I’ve ever fell out of a kayak – damn open top kayaks – but I live to tell the tale of how my son tried to kill me off.

It rains all the way back. But despite the rain and the attempt to drown me we had a great morning. Surviving an attempted drowning and freak tsunami made it all the more memorable.

After lunch Wendy, Brett and I drive down to Little Hampton for a pleasant stroll along the seafront. Needless to say it’s ceased raining by now. What a pleasant little seaside resort it is. Poor Karine having work on a bid so can’t join us.

Back for roast lamb for tea – well I suppose we’ll have to say for dinner as we’re “Down South”.

Then it’s off to Portsmouth for the overnight ferry to Cherbourg. Check in is just chaos because as well as passports you have to have your statement of honour that you don’t have covid symptoms and a printout of your covid proof of vaccination. Of course there are plenty of numpties in the queue, especially geriatrics, who have neither or have them hidden away safely in the far reaches of their boot. Common sense nil, chaos 10. Who are these lunes. Just proves that we really can’t rely on common sense to help contain covid. We’re doomed.

Finally get on board and it’s straight to our cabin as Noddy’s way past Big Ears so time for bed.
 

Arrive in Cherbourg on time at 08:00 as promised. We’re lucky to be one of the first 10 off and French immigration can’t be bothered to see our covid documents, they just want passports.-.hallelua But you can tell times are hard when they only have one date stamp between two of them. Quickly immigrated and 40 minutes later we’re on our camp site ready to set up the caravan.

Oh the joys of setting up our caravan! Takes about 40 minutes to get it fully operational, but then we have the awning.

Go shopping for wine, brandy, cheese, bread and a few other vitals while the grass dries. Drive down to Leclerc at Carantan.

Never mind we have a divorce proof blow up awning, it’ll be a doddle. 50 minutes and a lot of swearing later it’s blown up just needs me on me hands and knees to peg it out. Whose idea was it to take the windows out. Spent 30 minutes getting them back in.

Finally sit down in the sun for a beer followed by my first French wine in over a year. It’s a St Emillion, won a silver medal, and tastes like liquid soil. Wouldn’t even use it to clean drains with. For the first time ever I bin a full bottle of wine. Get me a Carmenera or Zinfandell. Move onto 2nd bottle, pretty good.

Tea is bread, cheeses and wine. Now I know we’re in France.

Nice sunny day.

Lazy start.

Have a stroll into town.

At last agree escape to Park city April, May, July, August and September with Isaac. Same rate a last year. A very obliging chap.

Book virgin flights to Florida for Mid January to endow February (premium ) and April and May (upper class – decide to splash out as it’s two flights).

Another sunny day, temperature just right.
 

Usual lazy start.

Drive into town for more vitals. What no Aldi. Wow a brand new one right next door to the Mosquitos (Intermarche).

Pete and Brenda come round for drinks at teatime. For me it’s beer, wine then an Armagnac. Pleasant evening in the sun putting the world to rights. We’re all agreed the countries gone to the dogs. We need someone to get grip of the snowflakes, wakes and libtards. Sort the illegal immigrants; sort the protestors, no problem with peaceful protest that doesn’t infringe others right; introduce covid vaccine passport to encourage the SS (Stupid and Selfish) to have the vaccination, bring back indoor masks and ban mass events, you don’t need to be a professor of virology to see that these are just sensible measures.

Rabbit stew for tea followed by a snooze while Wendy watches that tripe “Sex Education” – all that talk about sex but not even a glimpse of a naked body. What a swizz.
 

Lazy start then off for a drive down to Lessay and then round to the Castle de Pirou – see Trivia below. Paid e7 to get in. Argued with the receptionist that I was unemployed and therefore entitled to the discount. Didn’t win. Typical French it closes for lunch – it’s oh so difficult when you at least 3 staff to arrange lunch time cover.

Interesting old castle with a moat.

Start searching for VRBO’s in Florida. I should have been a travel agent, it’s a full time job. Floridas very full and very expensive 18/1/22 to 1/3/22.

Usual lazy start to the day. Stroll into town to the SFR shop for a SIM. Aghh, they’re not SFR anymore but too damn lazy to take the sign down. Nearest one is in Cherbourg.

Never mind have an afternoon coffee, sat outside the cafe in the sun.

It’s an alcohol free night. Sad.

Finalise most of Florida. Expensive Airbnb house, with pool, bikes and kayaks, on a lake in Hudson 19/1 to 29/1; VRBO house on Siesta key, with bikes and kayaks, 29/1 to 5/2; VRBO house in Punta Gorda 15/2 to 1/3. Yes, there’s a gap left to fill, more work.
 

For those snowflakes, wokes and libtards who may not be able to cope with some of my Rants etc., then select here:

Out by 11:00, to the Thingimajega and set off to our next abode in Westport. Well turns out to be 20 minutes inland from Westport, just what we need 40 minutes round trip to the WAW.

Stop off in Donegall for a browse around, not much to recommend it apart from the friendliness and helpfulness of everyone.

Try to stop off for a saunter around Sligo but no coins and yet another rare app needs downloading to park. At this rate I’ll need an iPhone with a gigabyte of memory. Forget it, we drive on.

Stop off at Tub of curry (Tubbercurry), a small Irish town with very little to recommend it. It had a Bank with no cash. No toilets due to that universal excuse for laziness and incompetnece, COVID. Signs to tourist office, but what a surprise it’s closed – no doubt COVID strikes again. Bizarre that they filmed “Normal People” here. Also famous for the Connaught Rangers and the India mutiny of 1920 – I’m sure you’re all familiar with that.

We’ve had to spend the last 24 hours chasing our host to see how we get in. He finally rings us and wants to meet us in a pub car park to lead the way as sat nav not reliable he says. Meet him, follow him. No need as sat-nav is spot on. I suppose he thinks this is helpful customer service. Personally, I’d rather just have an email with details on how to open the door, that way you don’t have to harass them to know how to get in – simples.

Bungalows very nice and comfortable, although we’ll wear out a pair of trainers trapsing from remote kitchen back to lounge. Under floor heating is crap.
 

Take a drive onto Achill Island to explore the WAW sites there. I’ll let the photos tell the story. A long 6 hour drive, made worse by the 40 minutes drive to our abode, but in my opinion worth it, Wendy not so happy about it.

Call in at a Tesco Super store for some dinner. The small corner shop of my childhood had a better choice. Really struggled to choose anything, ended up with a Paella. Really a yellow rice bowl that had been shown a glimpse of a shrimp, a prawn and a slither of chicken. Never mind I had some wine with me.

 

Wendy has had enough of driving the WAW. She wants to have an easy day sauntering around the shops in Westport. Joy. What a waste but never let it be said that I ain’t fair.

Have to say Westport is a lovely little town with some character. Stop for a cuppa, has to be the worst tea and coffee in Ireland, but interesting people watching sat outside. Take a short drive out to the Quay for a stroll.

I’m fed up of scratting around choosing what to have for tea so I implement my new menu item, dessert. Yes, just dessert for tea. I love desserts but never have one as they’re fattening, have to save the calories for some wine. Anyway tonight’s tea is lemon meringue pie and a chocolate mouse. How’s that for innovation.

A very leisurely day.
 

To the Thingimajaga and off to Dublin. It’s a grey miserable day but as we’re driving doesn’t matter. Have to spend 40 minutes driving down the side of the Liffey. Unbelievable traffic and then to top it off the Samuael Beckett bridge is closed – seems that boats are more important than tax-paying vehicles – so it’s a major diversion. Finally get to our underground car park and then a 4-minute walk to the hotel. The car will be having a 3 day rest in the cement caverns of Dublin’s docklands.

The hotel seems good on first impressions. We’ve upgraded to an executive room so should get sky movies, but yes you’ve guessed it another screw-up, it doesn’t work. It takes them 3 hours to try and fix it. In the end, at 20:30ish they move us to a room where it works.

You’ll be hearing more on the hotel in days to come.
 

Lazy start to the day. We’re off on the hop on off green bus tour.

Hop off at the Temple bar area for a stroll around. I have a pint of Guinness in the famous Temple bar, what an awesome selection of whiskeys, while Wendy has a tuna sandwich. Wendy’s not at all impressed as there seems to be no shopping area.

Back on the bus to finish the tour. Neither of us are at all impressed with Dublin. Fortunately the weather is lovely.

Most of the Dublin pictures have been “acquired” off the internet rather than trying to take pictures of a moving bus which usually seem to end up with just the back of some bald old gits head or all sky.

Then it’s a real challenge as we try and find somewhere to eat around the yuppie docklands area. Half the places are closed, most of the menus seem to consist of just 3 items, end up at a Mexican equivalent of subway, build your own burrito. It’s very good but no plates to eat off. Wendy’s not at all impressed.

What is it with Dublin restaurants, most of them seem to have only 3 items on the menu, fish and chips; pizza; burger.

 

Lazy start to the day. We’ve booked to do the Jameson Distillery tour, the weathers sunny, so we take a stroll along the river Liffey to the distillery. Stop off for a Starbucks and sit by the river. Then in a pale imitation of an American I saunter along with Starbucks in hand.

The tour is pretty good. The comparative tasting is even better. Then we do a cask barrel tasting where they draw whiskey straight from the barrel for tasting, I think it was 60 percent ABV. As I have to drink Wendy’s share plus the free basic Jameson sample, not forgetting the tasting samples I’m rat arsed by the end of it – I should fit in well with the Liffey strewn locals, although Cider seems to be their tipple.

Then we take a stroll back and call in at the Temple Bar area for a Boxty dinner, along with a pint of their Stout – see picture. Have to say the weather, Boxty and especially the Jameson tour has really improved my view of Dublin, but we wouldn’t come back. Really a tad disappointed, had great expectations of Dublin. Dread to think what it would have been like if we hadn’t had good weather.

 

One of the few good points of this hotel is their breakfast.

The customer relations manager is marauding around breakfast and asks for our opinion. Well, I bet she regretted that. Gave her the full sorry tale.

Then to top it off we try to return to our room, hang on our card won’t work in the lift. I wonder why? Track down the customer relations manager, who sets off to get us new ones. Low and behold get to the room and it won’t let us in either. It’s only 09:05 and they were that keen to get rid of us they’ve checked us out. The customer relations manager turns up with the new cards, I bet she wanted to sink under the carpet – “I rest my case”.

Take a leisurely drive up to Belfast around the Mourn coastal route. Quite pretty but not the WAW.

Stop off at the Titanic hotel for an excellent dinner. Pity about the Apple maps having it in the wrong place and the car park sign to the hotel taking you to the wrong location. Finally, get there. You really couldn’t make this incompetence up.

Then it’s off to the ferry for a two-hour queue to board. Noddy’s well past Big Ears by the time we board, so being conservative covid cautious old farts we’re straight to our cabin, not a deluxe this time, and so to sleep. Wow, an alcohol-free day.
 

For those snowflakes, wokes and libtards who may not be able to cope with some of my Rants etc., then select here:

Set off after teatime to the ferry in Liverpool. To avoid too many roadworks on the motorways I take the route through Liverpool. What a depressing start to our holiday as we drive through shuttered, graffitied areas of Liverpool. Looks like a war torn hell hole.

Boarding of the ferry went fairly smooth, only a 30-minute wait. Our deluxe cabin is very swish with a double bed, TV, fridge, lounge area and sea view as well as a door onto a shared balcony at the blunt end of the ship / boat. Bit of a waste really as Noddy has gone past Big Ears so we just go to bed, but it was the only cabin available.
 

Arrive in Belfast at 06:30 so by 08:00 we arrive at our first stop, the Dark Hedges of Game of Thrones fame.

Then it’s onto the 2nd stop, The Giants Causeway – see Trivia write up. The National Trust visitors centre is closed and you have to book for their car park and tour well in advance, £13 each. Glad we couldn’t get on the tour. There’s something pretentious and stuck up about the NT, a bit like the Caravan Club, with their notices everywhere. Found a local car park and walked down to the causeway, cost me all of £5.

Drive along the Causeway route to the Rope Bridge but you can’t go on it so abandoned that. Really craving for a coffee so we drive down to the cafe at Ballintoy harbour, another Game Of Thrones scene that we’ve visited before. Alas, car park is ram jammed with damn tourists.

Abandon that and drive to Bushmills, free parking and at last some brown water masquerading as coffee. Spot a chippy selling Battered haggis, how tempting is that, must get to try some.

Drive onto Dunluce castle. £7 to go in but it’s shrouded in mist so we give that a miss.

What’s with the gangs of Orangemen getting ready with their regalia, are they off on a march? Lovely to see the Union flag and even the cross of Saint George proudly flying in most places. What a pity we don’t take the same pride in England, can you imagine the backlash from the woke snowflakes. I think I’ll get a Saint George flag when we get home.

Carry on along the Causeway route to Derry. We did intend to walk the walls but it looked such a depressing place in the mist and grey cloud. Drive onto our hotel at Letterkenny, a somewhat overpriced, over-starred, 4-star Raddison Blue – supposedly a 4 star but I think one star had gone over the event horizon and been consumed by a black hole. Room and decor was great and comfortable but after two of those yuppie nespro machines we give up – whoever designed them and can make such a dog’s breakfast of brewing a coffee needs shooting to save gene pool pollution.

Meal in the hotel restaraunt with all the ambience, noise, and screaming of a sports bar full of football fans was nothing special. Fortunately, end a great day with a bottle of Carmenera in our room. With such an early start it’s been a long hard day, 8 hours driving around and stopping off, but worth it.

I’ll let the photos tell the story.


 

Early start as we’ve got the Northern most part of the Wild Atlantic Way on our plans for the day – see photos that document our day. Sadly it’s grey and overcast and not very warm, but at least no rain.

Another long day especially as we finally have to drive over tortuous roller-coaster roads across Glenveagh National Park to get to Mary Doaltys Cottage near Begbun. It’s remote, so remote that Apple maps are clueless, it took us 20 minutes down dirt tracks to find it. But as you can see it’s very spacious and comfortable – 5 bedrooms for just the two of us for 4 nights.

Subway for tea and the rest of that Carmenera. We’ve earned it, another hard day. Need to start relaxing we’re on holiday.

 

A lazy start and then it’s off to do a shop. Now I’m not a religious person, so the concept of purgatory has no real meaning, but a hour’s shopping in Aldi with Wendy is my idea of purgatory, enough to make any god fearing sole follow the preachings of the bible to the letter.

On the way to Dunglow we spot Mrs brown (of “Mrs Browns Boys” fame) in rollers and slippers on her way out. Only in Ireland, oh and of course Walmart in America.

Back home for lunch and then we have a short drive down the Wild Atlantic Way, learning some common sense. At least the suns come out.

I’ll let the photos tell the story.

 

What a disaster of a day. Try to book a VRBO in Annecy. Date routine is totally screwed up and then payment gets rejected. Three failed and frustraing attempts, each with 4 software SNAFU’s, as you can imagine the air was blue. As a result of this I left my wallet on the coffee table, so what you may say?

Set off up the Wild Atlantice way. More stunning scenery and beautiful homes. I’ll let the photos tell the story.

Get to Horn Head and Wendy has lunch and then we take a walk. Near the end of the walk panic sets in as I can’t find my wallet – being a nerd it’s always in the same zipped-up pocket. Has it come out by accident as I retrieve my iPhone? Retrace my 1-mile route among the heather. No luck. Spitting feathers by now, along with a few choice words of recrimination, as I’m not sure whether it’s still at home or has dropped out with we abandon the rest of the trip – not too bad as we probably wouldn’t have wanted to go that much further on. Then retrace our car journey. Of course, I don’t find it at any of the stop-off points because it’s on the damn coffee table – oh to be a geriatric.

Back home for a late afternoon tea and then we drive down to explore Bunbeg beach. I really fancy a Guiness after todays screwup. There’s a famous Irish music pub near the beach according to Apple maps. Wrong, turns out it’s on the main road. It’s closed and may open in a hour or maybe two according to the landlord – it is Ireland, what can you expect.

Console myself with a bottle of Zinfandell.

 

A really lazy start. Off down to see the spectacular cliffs at Slieve League, reckoned to be the best coastline in the whole of Europe. Pretty impressive, even if it’s a mile walk to see them after being fleeced of £5 to park. Then a drive back up the Wild Atlantic Way. Another long day. After 6 hours on the road, I’m desparate for a pint of Guiness and yet not a pub in sight. Finally we come across a remote pub, and yes they do sell Guinness, and even though the landlord doesn’t know what a barrel glass is he manages to ferret one out for me. Somehow a pint, of no matter what, always tastes better in a barrel glass rather than a girly flower vase. As my Dad used to say “you should never drink half pints, you’ll catch a cold”.

I’ll let the photos tell the story of our day. Well worth the effort.

Back home for 19:30 for pizza and the rest of that Zinfandell.

 

For those snowflakes, wokes and libtards who may not be able to cope with some of my Rants etc., then select here:

Joy, start the day with Wendy nipping onto Tesco for a sandwich and a bottle of water. 24 minutes later she emerges. How can anyone take 24 minutes to buy two items, even if you do read the labels and sell by dates.

“To the Thingamajig-a. Here we go, go, go on a an adventure”. This time we’re off to the Isle of Man. No VRBO, for a change we’re staying in a hotel in Douglas. How I spoil her indoors.

The trip to Heysham to catch the ferry went without any holdups. Now there’s a first. Efficient boarding. Booked in the Premium lounge on the ferry, all very civilised and comfy. It’s just a four-hour crossing.

Meal in the hotel is uncertain so I enjoy my Italian Subway with plenty of Jalepenos – I’m sure at tomorrows ablutions I’ll regret it.

Hotel is smart, comfy and the room is very modern, with a separate sitting area. Wifi is a bit tempremental, about 70Mb per sec in the bedroom but only 2 in our lounge. BBC and ITV streaming is dire but Netflix is fine, they obviously know how to write apps that can deal with croissant flaky wifi.

Open a bottle of Carmenera and settle in for the night.

 

 

 

Good breakfast. Kippers for me, but after almost choking on one I seem to have got a smidgen of peppered kipper in my snot channel that brings on a severe bout of hay-fever, sneezing more than an Iguana in a ground pepper factory.

As we set off for a tour of the Southern part of the island the weather is grey and overcast, not very warm but at least no rain. Wendy is orgasmic when she spots an M&S just behind our hotel.

Drive down to Castle Town. Apart from a castle, hence their name, not really much there.

Drive down to the Calf of Man. Would love to have a coffe and lunch but the only cafe is heaving with coffin dodgers, galloping Zimmer frame cowboys and bloody tourists.

Call at Port Erin, again nothing really to write home about. Only a pizza parlour open for lunch, so its coffee for me and a kids pizza for Wendy. Good job it’s the height of the tourist season or else Wendy may have starved.

First impressions of IoM is it all seems a tad dreary and in need of a fresh coat of paint. Everywhere seems dead, I know it’s a day of rest for god bothers but it is the hight of the holiday season and they do market themselves as a holiday resort as well as a tax haven. As to the beaches well in the main they seem to be rocks and seaweed. I’m going to nominate it as the seaweed capital of Europe.

Dinner in te hotel, the food is excellent but soemwaht limited menu. They don’t know what the soup of the day is. Always a good acid test and sure enough the excellent food is let down by five sloppy service problems. Intrigued by the “Tower of Refuge”, in the bay, as we have dinner.

 

 

 

Sadly our temple of modernity has no car park so up at the crack of sparrows to move the car.

Haggis for breakfast is excellent, but again let down by service – wot no orange juice?

Lazy morning and then we set off for a drive over to Peel. Lash out £6 each to explore the castle. Have a shufty around the town, nothing much there but manage to find an ice cream parlour that serves coffee and some food. There was a harbour side kiosk that sold Kipper, crab or mackeral baps. Very tempting but having to sit outside at tables, in fear for our life of being blown into the harbour is a tad off putting. It’s grey, over cast, and colder than a witches tit in a brass bra is not my idea of fun.

Drive up the coast to Ramsey. Have a shuffty round but again nothing worth seeing, other than a rusty bridge. Head back home. Another dissappointing day spoilt by a blustery, cold day and uninspiring places.

Dinner at a wine bar. How trendy is that. Excellent food at wine bar prices.

 

 

 

After another lazy start then we drive up the coast to the Laxey Wheel. The highlight of our trip and the sun comes out, how lucky can we be?

We both have our phobias challenged. I manage to climb right to the top of the wheel, going up isn’t the problem, coming down is, but I made it. Then we go off to the mine and Wendy manages to challenge her phobia by going all the way in. Very impressive. Have a drive into Old Laxey, nothing to get orgasmic about there.

Back to the hotel for afternoon tea.

For the evening meal I finally discover what Queenies are (Queen scallop (Aequipecten opercularisis) is a medium sized species of scallop, an edible ‘marine bivalve mollusc’ in the family Pectinidae). they’re small and delicious, especially when served with Pancetta in a creamy cheese sauce, then a pulled pork Faijita. Hefty portions of both.

 

 

 

Our last day, thank the FSM, we’ve had enough of the IoM. Fortunately we get a late check out.

Then to kill some time before the ferry we set off to explore yet another Neolithic Tomb. Difficult to find and I haven’t the foggiest idea why I wanted to see it, but it was on my list. It’s very remote, a challenge to find and amazingly there are other people there – I think they’re Druids as one of them is lovingly fondling and stroking one of the stones – bizarre.

Then we decide to drive around and see the only mountain on the IoM, well really a hill. All we see is cloud. Well at least we get to finish off the TT course.

Back to Douglas to kill a couple of hours – shopping – before it’s time for dinner. Not one of the most exciting shopping precincts. Meander round like two lost turtles. Finally time for dinner in the wine bar again. What a treat one of there specials is half a lobster with Queenies. Sadly I can’t drink as I have to drive but I’m orgasmic as I discover they sell alcohol free Jever, not quite as good as the real McCoy, but what a treat.

Ferry crossing is smooth and pretty well organised then it’s just an hours drive and we’re home and in bed by 01:00.

Well I suppose we’re glad we’ve been to the IoM but wild Unicorns and free trips to a lap dancing bar couldn’t drag me back.

It’s all rather tired and dreary with very little to offer us. Seems full of coffin dodgers. Beaches seem to be sea weed strewn rock fields. Only saw one child making sandcastles. You have to question whether they’re really want tourists. Apart from the Laxey Wheel and possibly the blustery Peel castle there’s nothing much to recommend it. Fortunately our 4 star hotel was good and meals, inlacing breakfasts were excellent.

 

 

 

For those snowflakes, wokes and libtards who may not be able to cope with some of my Rants etc., then select here:

Off early to catch the ferry from Southampton to the Isle of Wight. Given the state of our roads you have to allow a big margin for traffic jams. As it happens no major holdups, just a smattering of annoying chaos.

Arrive early so do our shop in Southampton. It would have been at snobby Waitrose, running with the big dogs, but as they can’t be bothered to provide customer toilets we head to Sainsbury’s. Now watch Waitrose’s share price plummet, serves them right.

Get to the ferry early and catch the earlier one. Wow, good customer service. It’s only an hour but sat inside with hardly a mask in sight – these selfish egits don’t have enough sense to spit downwind. Is the IoW going to be full of scrots then?

Our VRBO’s is ready and waiting for us.

Quiet night in, not even a drop of alcohol passes my lips.

 

 

 

Up and out for a tour of the South of the Island.

Start off at Shanklin. Seems a pleasant resort ideal for kids. Then onto Ventnor. Not really much there so we don’t bother stopping. Lunch sat overlooking the white cliffs of the Needles. Then it’s onto the Needles. Can’t believe Wendy’s never heard of them. £6 to park – scandolus. All there is there is a fun park village, complete with a single chairlift down to the beach. There’s an unbelievable queue to ride on a decrepit, slow lift.

We set off for a walk to see the Needles, leaving the majority in fun park hell. It’s a pleasant 1 mile walk but when you get to the end of the peninsula it’s £5 each to get into the Old Battery and see the Needles. More daylight robbery, this time from the National Trust. So it would be £16 to get a glimpse of the Needles. Give it a miss and walk back. Would have been nice if the NT had bothered to put a decent sign up warning you of the impending rip off at the end of the walk.

Joy, it’s started to rain. All part of the great British summer staycation – then people wonder why I want to escape.

Drive onto Yarmouth after calling in at some abandoned fort for a coffee. Would have been afternoon tea but having to ladle the scum off the top of your tea makes you want to shout for Huewee and Ruth. Nothing much at Yarmouth so drive onto the White Mouse, recommended to us. It’s heaving, but they have a table and a good menu – ribs. Have to queue at the bar for 10 minutes to order food and drinks. Finally get to the bar, order my drinks, no Sunday roast left they’ve run out and then told you need to join that 15 minute queue over the there to order food. And where you I ask are the signs telling you that there are two separate queues? Tell them to stuff it and leave. Just typical example of shoddy customer service and the mediocrity rampant in the UK.

After driving round to try a few other places, all fully booked up and busting at the seams, we end up at The Star in our village. It’s an American bar. Suits me although Wendy is not so chuffed. The ribs, red onion slaw, corn on the cob and fried gherkins are great. Good beer a a large selection of Jack Daniels, not really my tipple, but do get to try an american Eagle – not one I’ll be dashing out to buy a bottle of.

Back home for some wine and TV.

 

 

 

Well it’s a typical British summer holiday day, rainining cats and dogs, just stepped on a Poodle. Never mind lazy start then off to Cowes.

At least the downpour had stopped by the time we’d got to Cowes. After the usual faf trying to park we have a shuffle around Cowes and the Cowes week (sailing) market. It’s a very pleasant little town mainly due to the lack of traffic on the the main street and lots of independent shops rather than the usual homogenous glut of chain stores. And the highlight of the day for Wendy is an M & S Food store.

Drive down to Newport and am condemmed to a shop at Morrisons – as exciting as a mashed-potato sandwich. In view of the dismal performance of the restaurants we’ve decided to eat in. Never mind at least I can get topped up with their awesome, cheap ginger beer.

Have a drive through Ryde on our way to visit Anne and Geoff (A & G) in Sandown. Ryde looks interesting and may be woth a visit tomorrow.

Call in on A & G. Old archery buddies from Belthorn. Have a pleasant afternoon tea with them and catch up. They have a gorgous Tibetain Terrier dog. Never seen one before. They’ve given up archery and wanted to pass on their bows (a recurve, a compound, arrows, cases, belt and quiver) to someone who still did it. The recurve will be great as It means I can pack it in my suitcase to America – if they ever let us back in.

Back home for a delicious crab sandwich and some not so delicious Pinot Noir. And yes some more Netflix.

 

 

 

Lazy start to the day as it’s raining for a change.

Drive to Sandown. Get the chairs out and Wendy has dinner on the beach. Sitting on the beach is a rare event for us. Thirty minutes on a beach and my threshold of tolerance expires – about as much fun as going to the dentist. This is certainly not the South of France, sadly no topless, not even any eye candy. Instead a surfeit of Brownie Gobblers, waddling around, with the excess of adipose tissue. Enough to put you off sex for life. So many of them with young fat kids in the family blobby.

But entertainment was provided as a rat arsed geezer with his foot in a carrier bag gave everyone a demo on how not to kayak. Pissed as a newt, can hardly stand upright. Plastic bag on foot, probably to aid buoyancy, must have fell off 10 times in 10 minutes. Free entertainment.

Wow, stopped for a coffee at a cafe and all the staff, young girls mainly, were so pleasant and great service. Such a change these days. Even took the trouble to speak to the manager and complimented him on his recruitment and training practices.

Drove up to Ryde, hardly mentioned in the marketing blurb for the IoW but has free parking, an interesting pier and a diverse range of individual shops.

Back home for a disgusting ready meal, chicken Burrito that has a never seen the inside of a chicken. Must have been Chinese, just rice.

 

 

 

Up and off before 10:00. These days even Wendy’s up and ready on time. It’s only 20 minutes to the ferry and Red Funnel very obligingly let us catch the 10:30 rather than having to wait until 12:30.

So what is the IoW famous for? Some may say The Needles. Some may say Osbourne House. I will say a glut of Skoda and Suzukis cars. Do they give them away free to all islanders or are they special offer on cripple mobiles.I know not politically correct, but we are starting to run out of words as the Snowflakes keep ostracising words. words now cast into political incorrect hell such as lame, disabled, handicapped, wheelchair-bound, spastic and victim, all cast into do goober oblivion.

One of the worst aspects of the island is the scummy tap water. You have to scrape the scum off the top and sides of a cup of tea before drinking.

It’s a lovely little island, little being the operative word. Everything’s so close togetether, maximum of 30 minutes drive in any direction. No major highways as you end up driving through housing estates with their temporary convoluted community chicanes created by cars parked down the side of a major route.

We’ve really enjoyed it despite the mixed weather.

As for our VRBO what can we say:

Modern, light, breezy, well equipped and quality fitings. Just right for two people. Let down by some minor irritations. Needed a four wheel drive to get down the pot holed track; a shower as slippery as an ice ring; oven with no marking on the knobs, so anyones guess what we’ll get. Water and electricity worked perfectly, but as usual wifi was more flaky than a French croissant. I did complain about it but despite promises of a new repeater nothing turned up. I managed to improve Mbps but still flaky. So 3 minors and 2 majors gets them a 3 star review.

 

 

Lazy start to the day as it’s rainin’ like a cow pissin’ on a flat rock.

Up to the local fishmongers for tonights tea – Haddock, Mondkfish tails and Scallops.

We have a drive down to Chichester Marina. No chance of a coffee as the restaurant has a queue longer than muslims trying to get to the Kaba.

Drive into Chichester for a shuffle around and get the joys of M&S Food Hall – I’d rather eat my own earwax. Quite a pleasant little traffic free town though.

Drive into Bognor Regis to see what it’s like. Get out to have a sandwich on the beach but as soon as we pearch ourselves it starts to passist it down again. Bognor’s claim to fame is a Butlins holiday camp and it hold the record for the most sunshine days on England. As for the rest it’s more depressing than the Kyber pass in Blackburn.

Back for afternoon tea and sat counting raindrops.

Fish for tea washed down by a rather pleasant American Zinfindel.

 

 

 

Brett wanted me to join him for a Turkish shave, haircut and massage. Pass, rather lick piss off a nettle than have some hairy arsed Turkish imposter stroke me arms and kneck. One wrong word and I could have me throat slit.

Day out with Brett. Drove up to Goodwood airedrome. Lovely Spitfire there – see photos. Nothing against the Germans – don’t mention the war – but somewhat ironic that the winner of the Battle of Britain and an icon of us winning WWII should have a German name on it – IWC Schaffhausen. You can have a 30 minute flight in a real Sptfire, only £2,750, but what an experience that would be. Coffee watching the planes take off.

Then drove into the South Downs National Park and up to the Kingsbrook Vineyard for lunch. Even though it was white – sadly all their wines were white or one Rose – I had a very pleasant Pinot Grigo they had produced. Would have splashed out on a bottle but £19 a bottle is £9 over my limit.

Then back home for afternoon tea. A very pleasant day out.

For dinner (I’m down South so can’t call it tea) we go round to the Elmer pub. Their claim to fame is they do a Sussex Smokie, specially put on the menu for yours truly, sadly it’s only a starter. Enjoyed the food but beer leaves a lot to be desired and having maskless staff hover over you is a tad off-putting in these covid times.

 

 

Just love this living out of a suitcase. Because Wendy constantly moans about me ransacking the suitcase to find my clothes and allegedly creasing all the clothes, she gets my clothes out for me each day. It’s like having a butler, not only are my clothes neatly laid out for me, but I don’t even have to bother choosing what to wear.

Set off home after a great few days with Karine and Brett.

It’s a journey from hell. Six hours with the satnav overheating as it has to constantly re-route to avoid major delays.

Oh well a good week. Now we have to gird our loins ready for the onslaught tomorrow as we look after the rug rats for three days and two night while Kurt and Fiona have a few days away. We must be masochists or mad.

 

 

 

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Lazy start and off by 11:00.

Ok journey down and arrive about 15:30.

As usual joining instructions are a shambles. VRBO is light, modern and pleasant, but oh so hot.

Afternoon tea and then off to Waitrose to get vitals. Come across a bottle of Waitrose Armagnac. A must buy.

Then have a stroll to Mexifun for a burrito. Very tasty.

 

 

 

Usual lazy start to one of the hottest days of the year.

Off out for a stroll around Southampton. Walk the ancient walls of the city, what’s left of them. Looks like a very pleasant, modern and vibrant city. Yes, it has some dodgy areas but they’re in a minority. Wow, it’s hot.

Back home for afternoon tea and then have a stroll to a Thai food festival in the park, but not prepared to pay £4 each just to go in.

Brett and Karine arrive about 17:00. Walk around to La Regata for dinner. Get a table outside and enjoy some great Tapas.

 

 

After a very French breakfast of croissants. We even have strawberry jam to go on them. Sacrilege, jam or even jam and butter on a French national icon.

Then we’re off to the New Forest. Starting with Beaulieu house and motor museum. Browse around the house, a Secret Army museum and then the motor museum. Picnic in the shade of the trees. Strolling around the gardens, all very pleasant. A great place for a day out. Then we drive around the New Forest, relax by a lovely river site and then off for ice cream at Burley.

Back to Southampton, and a great day out nearly spoilt by traffic jam caused by cars queuing for Isle of Wight ferry (we’ll be in that queue no doubt in two weeks time).

Brett and Karine set off home. We have afternoon tea and then try and order our Sushi. Alas it’s a Monday and they, along with most restaurants, are closed.

Take a 4 minute stroll and find some restaurants open. Great pork ribs.

The perfect end to a very hot but great day.

 

 

 

Off to an early start – 10:00. Planning on a day driving around the New Forest.

Roof down and we start off at Lyndhurst. Park up and have a wander around the town. There are enough charity shops for Wendy to browse.

Then onto Brockenhurst. Just drive though.

Drive down to the coast and then along the coast to Lymington. Park up at great expense – £3 for 2 hours. Take our lunch and chairs and have it sat in the band stand. Better view of the estuary from up there. Have a stroll around the harbour but pass on a walk into town – too hot.

Then drive back towards Brockenhurst and pitch up our chairs by the river there. Try and have an afternoon tea at the local hotel, but despite enough empty tables to accommodate all of todays illegal immigrants from France they’re not ready for walk-ins, but will be in half an hour if we’d care to go for a stroll. You can imagine my retort and no we won’t be coming back in half an hour. Cricket match is on the village green.

Drive into Brockenhurst for afternoon tea at a more accommodating cottage hotel and tea room. Save a fortune.

Call in at Beaulieu village but nothing really much to see there.

As me Mother would say “there’s still plenty of countryside”.

Then it’s back home after a long hot and sunny day.

Our plans are for Sushi tonight but alas they don’t open until 17:30. Tonight’s repast, Sushi at last. Only took us 15 minutes to order thanks to the little Japanese girl whose command of the English language didn’t even run to understand open or closed on the door sign.

 

 

 

Off and away by 09:30. Drive home is fairly uneventful with just one minor traffic jam. Pick to dog up from Fiona’s and we’re home for afternoon tea by 14:30. End to a great trip. Villages in the new Forest don’t really have much to offer but it’s a scenic area and the wild ponies everywhere make it. The other good thing is that it’s not very big so you can easily backtrack on somewhere, most places are only 5-6 miles apart.

 

 

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Wow, not a bad trip down the centre of Wales. No major hold up, but sadly last 20 minuite spoilt by getting stuck behind a wide load. Yet another lack of common snese. Why aren’t wide loads limited to travel between 00:00 and 06:00?

Yet another VRBO and yet another where the host has to meet you to let you in, and of course we have to hang around for 10 minutes because theyre late. Then we have the joy of a 30 minute tutorial on how to use the TV and all other item that has electrons flowing through them. The Wifi password gives you a clue to the mentality of our host, 12 characters, mixture of upper case, lower case and numeric – bizarre, an extreme case of OCD.
Home is clean, modern, spacious and bright. Well stocked with essentials and a welcome pack of basic foods.

I think the architect who designed the place must have thought the lounge was a sleeping place for a giraffe. Never encountered a room so long – see photos.

 

 

 

The usual lazy start. Weather forecast is for clouds and rain.

We take a scenic drive over Brecon Beacons and then onto Cardiff.

It’s raining in Cardiff but we park up and have a shuffle around the shopping precinct. Wendy finds an M&S food. I think she can smell one out like a spaniel sniffer dog. Never mind at least we can get tonights tea – scallops, smoked haddock and dover sole.

Then we take leisurely ride back including a drive around Mythr Tydfel – nothing worth being there. Call in at a NP centre but it’s closed. It’s Wales what can you expect.

Scallops are ok but really not worth the money. I think we’ll pass on them in future.

 

 

 

Well this is supposed to be the best of the three days so we’re of out early.

Drive down to Talybont On Usk for a tour of some of the many Caerfanell waterfalls in the NP. A pleasant walk and we see three small water falls. Mind you it’s no thanks to the map board at the car park. No North; no scale and no indication that there are two paths. Just a lazy attitude to tourism in the NP, they really can’t be bothered – mediocrity strikes again.

Then we plan a drive down some of the back roads, but thanks to a badly placed Road Closed sign end up 5 miles down a dirt track before finding that it’s this road that’s closed. You really couldn’t make this up.

Back home for afternoon tea and then we wander down into Brecon to have a saunter around the town. Hoping to find a nice pub to sit out and have a decent pint by the canal basin. Alas no really nice pubs. The towns a bit run down but at least has a lot of individual shops. Reminds us of the 1970’s, the land that time forgot.

 

 

 

Brecon Beacons on the A4096. Means nothing to most people but officiandos of the programme “Top Gear” will know its the famous road from the programme, used to test drive some cars. It is rather scenic but only has one hairpin bend. For someone whose driven the 11 hairpin bends up and down to Serfaus in Austria many times this is a real anti-climax.

Then we head off down some single track, shock absorber wrecking roads to a do a walk to Pen Y Fan. Park up and set off despite it being a luvly shade o’ black o’er t’mother-in-laws. After a third of a mile it’s raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock so we wimp out and go back to the car. It’s probably only cost me 4 new shock absorbers.

Drive down to Neath where there are yet more waterfall walks but it’s still persisting down so we pass on that. I know there’s a distillery at Penderyn that makes a famous Welsh single malt whisky. Let’s see if we can get on a tour. Alas tour is full. Try a free sample of their Portwood single malt. I quite fancied buying some but alas was rather disappointed.

Time to loop back and drive yet another route back across Brecon Beacons.

Back home for a late afternoon tea. Order a takeaway from a Himalayan restaurant. I try the Sinsu (a nettle lamb chilli), very tasty and plenty of meat.

 

 

 

Up and away by 09:50. Just to wind us up the weather is sun and cloud.

Decide to go back up the motorways for a change. What a mistake that was. 25 minute traffic jam around Birmingham and the usual road works around Stafford.

Seems there’s a lot to be said for sticking to the A roads. May not be as fast but at least they’re more interesting and you tend to keep moving.

What is it with the Stafford section of the M6? For as long as I can remember there has always been some roadworks and holdups. This time it’s bizarre. When we only had 3 lanes there then we could travel at 70 MPH. Now we have 4 lanes but a lane full of traffic cones, so we’re down to 3 but speed limit is 60 MPH. Now you could think it’s to protect “the workers”. What workers? In over 10 miles of cones not a worker to be seen.

 

 

 

 

 

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As America and France are still closed to us, it looks like we’ll have to settle for a Staycation in the UK.

This time it’s a trip to one of our National Parks, we’re going to use this imprisonment to visit all of our NP’s. So we’ll have to grin and bear yet another trip to Wales.

Two choices of how to get there. Option 1 via motorway about 5 hours. Option 2 drive down the middle of Wales on 2nd rate Welsh roads, also 5 hours and a lot shorter. Go for option 2 as I’d rather drive a dump truck full of nitro-glycerine down rock field than suffer yet more motorways and traffic jams. Oh the joys of UK roads.

Well it takes a good 5 hours with only one 10 minute hold up, but 5 hours of driving on these roads built for horse and carts is really no fun. For some bizarre reason the satnav uses its’s initiative and takes us down the coastal road through Aberystwyth – not a place to go on my must visit list.

Arrive at our VRBO. It’s delightful, modern, spacious, quality fittings, comfortable and best of all good wifi. The best VRBO we’ve ever stayed in within the UK.

There’s wine, red and white, plus beer, and basic foods. Greeted by our friendly hosts with a refreshing draught lager.

Trip to Tesco for tea.

Quiet night in with a bottle of Italien wine from the Piemont region – it’s awesome, must ry more of these wines even though in the EU. Try and stay awake through Mosquito Coast, that good wine has its effect and these settees are so comfortable; it’s got Wendy whining on about a new settee again.

 

 

 

 

After a lazy start we’re off to explore the coast down from Solva to Milford Haven. Weather grey and miserable but thankfully we’re spared the rust invoking rain.

Thankfully the National Park is quite compact. It’s only 15 miles up to Solva and then about 20 miles winding our way down the single track coast roads. Have a wander around Solva, nothing to hyperventilate about. Has the remnants of some Lime Kilns, a not very picturesque seaweed infested harbour and a dilapidated main street with the usual touristy grot shops full of STUFF that no one needs but may think they want for a short time – soon to be in the trash bin where they belong.

Then drive down the coast and stop off at most of the little beaches. The roads are single track, would be easier to drive a car through the Kaaba doors, but fortunately there are plenty of passing places. One plus point is that most of the car parks are free for the first 30 minutes. Just enough time to saunter down to the beach, explore, be glad we didn’t have to pay to park and move on.

Finally end up at Milford Haven Marina. It’s been recommended to us but pretty dismal and most of the shops and cafes are shut, not even worthy of a coffee stop. Back home for afternoon tea, followed by some of the beer provided and the rest of that lovely wine.

 

 

Off out early. Well, 10:30 is quite a record for us. Heading down to Stacks Rock – no chance, you would end up with a 9mm round in the backside or wiped out by a mortar round, the Army firing range is in use. No chance of visiting the Govan Chapel – built into the cliff face – red flags flying there too. Next head for a walk around the Lilly Ponds – no chance car park full. Let’s drive down to Staypole – no chance the road is closed for repairs. Please, please, pretty please get me out of here and back to Park City with its wide roads; plenty of free spacious parking; no chance of being shot, at least not by the Army; good weather; so much to see and do.

Yet more narrow single track Roads some of them tighter than a ducks arse. Visit a few beaches and then decide to give up the ghost and drive on to Tenby.

Tenby is a classic Victorian seaside resort infested with coffin dodgers and zimmer frames. To be fair it does have some spectacular beaches but there again we’re not into sitting on a beach. Wendy has lunch overlooking castle beach and then we have a saunter around the town. Been there done that I won’t be bothering going again.

Call in at Pembroke. A dissapoining and tired market town with very little to offer. Aldi has to be the highlight of the visit. How sad is that.

Set off back home with a little stock at Aldi call for our tea.

Fortunately the weather turned out better than forecast with a mixture of sun and cloud. Quite pleasant although very windy on the headlands.

Afternoon tea sat out on the patio and then a quiet evening in watching yet more Netflix.

 

Up and out early. It’s a gorgeous sunny day. Time to get the roof downed enjoy it – Wendy pulls a face.

First stop St Davids. We’re lucky enough to get the last parking space. It seems that the Welsh tourist industry is founded on the basis of “Early bird catches the worm”. Have a saunter around and mange to get two Oggies – see rant below.

Then we drive onto White Sands bay. Lovely beach with facilities but £4 to just park your car for a 30 minute saunter round and lunch causes my plastic to go into a catatonic state – we pass. Drive onto Abereiddi beach, which is recommended in one of the tour guides, another car park that would gives my plastic an epileptic fit – eating Leeks must cause greed. A grey sandy and rock strewn beach – I’d rather pitch my chair and eat lunch in the middle of a mine field. Find a little cove with some “free” parking nearby. Sit and have lunch overlooking the cove and an old mill.

Drive onto Stumble head and then Fishguard – nothing to have an orgasm about. Finally get to Castell Henllys, a recreated Iron Age hill fort built on the exact location where roundhouses would have stood 2,500 years ago. It’s a tad disappointing but I really wanted to visit. There are some amazing roundhouse re-creations and interesting talks from Iron Age villagers.

Then, on the way home, to my great delight we come across the signs to Pentre Afan Dolmen (burial chamber). A dolmen (/ˈdɒlmɛn/) is a type of single-chamber megalithic tomb, usually consisting of two or more vertical megaliths supporting a large flat horizontal capstone or “table”. Most date from the early Neolithic (4000–3000 BC) and were sometimes covered with earth or smaller stones to form a tumulus.. I just have to take a detour to visit it. Wendy gives it a miss, to her it has all the appeal of a visit to the power tool department in a DIY shop..

Then the perfect end to a glorious, sunny, open top drive day as we sit out on the patio, me with a beer and Wendy with a tea. Our hosts pop out for a chat and a draught beer.

Finally, a well earned Oggie for tea. It is awesome. So much better than a Cornish pasty. Filling is tastier, the Leeks are really good and pastry is so much lighter.

 

 

 

Up for a lazy breakfast. Chuck all the clothes back in the suit case, pack the food and we’re off. It’s a 5 hour drive whether via the motorway or up the middle of Wales. Go for the scenic route up the middle and make sure the satnav doesn’t unilaterally decide on an alternate route. Slow and tortuous but at least it’s not as boring as a motorway. Six hour and a lot of cussing later we get home. Our roads are really a disgrace. Temporary traffic lights seem to spread more than Covid and sadly most of them seem to be for no other reason than the lights obstruct the road. Does no one assess the need and remove them when not needed.

 

 

For those snowflakes, wokes and libtards who may not be able to cope with some of my Rants etc., then select here:

Prompt start to the day, that means we’re out by 10:30. While we get ready and motivate Wendy, Jasper plays on iPad and Switch, sometimes both at the same time. We seem to spend all our time charging up his devices. Trying to tease him off the iPad to go out is a nightmare, yet once he’s out he loves it.

Then it’s off to Twin Lakes theme park at Melton Mowbray, just 25 minutes away. Jasper can survive that long in the car without any problems, especially now he wears his accupuncture sick wrist bands.

Wow, is it expensive? £65 for a day at a theme park. This is no Disney but has plenty of rides and things to do for Jasper. Weather is gorgeous, but you forget how tiring it is just walking around, queueing nad having to go on some pewk inducing rides. Good thing about this park is it has some imaginative play areas for kids of all ages. We can sit and have our picnic whilst Jasper burns off more nergy. By mid afternoon the queues are getting intolerable. 15:30 time too escape back home.

Our VRBO rental may be weird and funky but it stays amazingly cool.

For dinner we’re off to The Wheatsheaf at Edith Weston, home to the best ribs ever in my experience. Bearing in mind I’ve experienced ribs all over America and yet these are still the best. We meet Dave and Joyce at the pub. Rest of the foods pretty good it was just the 1 hour wait, slower than a herd of turtles stampedin’ through peanut butter, that spoilt it.

 

 

 

 

A lazy start today. How unusual.

We both start the day off with a visit to the opticians for a long overdue eye test. Seems so much safer here than in scroat infested, anti-vaxer, Blackburn.

Jasper gets a tour around Oakham castle. Not really your traditional style castle but a lot of horseshoes.

Off up to Nottingham. Visit my mum and dads grave to put some flowers on. As Jasper says, “it’s sad”. Then go to look for a playground and a stones throw from the dead centre of Nottingham is a superb little playpark with some really imaganative equipement on. We have our picnic lunch whilst Jasper enjoys himself.

Then it’s the highlight of the week for Jasper as we head to Nottingham Bowl. Must be over 55 years since I bowled there. Used to be one of my regular teenage haunts. In its day it was the largest bowling alley in Europe with 48 lanes.

Jasper is so excited and so enjoys two games. Pity about the appalling customer service and the lying bitch of a manager who has no concept of customer service, the reviews were right.

Back home with a food stop at Sainsbury’s. We were going to the local pub but alas it’s steak night so Wendy didn’t fancy that.

A pleasant evening in watching more Sons Of Anarchy and Jasper finally gets to play with Oren.

Another great day but spoilt as usual by the never ending tidal wave of stupidity you encounter.

 

 

 

 

Weathers a tad dodgy today with the possibility of some rain but at least still warm.

Jasper decides he’d like a picnic, adventure playground and Bug Zoo.

It’s raining for the picnic so we have it in the car overlooking Rutland water. Then Wendy takes him to the bug zoo. He really enjoys it and has taken loads of photos to show me. Head to the adventure play ground for an hour. We were going to play crazy golf again but the weather’s a tad unreliable, Jasper’s quite happy to go home and play with Oren. Easily pleased.

Joyce and Dave come round for Fish and chips from the local chippy and to see our funky abode. Jasper’s quite content to play with Oren.

 

 

 

 

Easily pack and depart our funky abode. We’ve enjoyed it but a week was enough. That shower was like trying to shower in a plastic burka on ice with a dribble of water leaking in.

Jasper dons his sick bands and we’re off. Call in at Melton Mowbray for the all important 5 pork pies and 4 stilton’s, presents for me and our sons.

Then it’s a fairly uneventful journey up the M1 with a stop for MacDonalds of course. Amazed at the M1 nearly 4 lanes all the way and even more amazing is the lack of roadworks. Jasper takes the journey in his stride and has he can see the satnav not a single “are we there yet?”.

What a great village Market Overton is. Even has a village hall and a very active community. Thatched cottages and so much more charm than the tourist infested Cotswolds. How I would love to live there.

 

 

 

 

For those snowflakes, wokes and libtards who may not be able to cope with some of my Rants etc., then select here:

Off for a week to Market Overton. Where’s that everyone ask? Near Oakham. Where’s that everyone asks? In Rutland. Where’s that everyone asks? Smallest county in England, next to Leicestershire. Where’s that everyone asks? I despair the Midlands.

Jasper is coming with us. Typical, his parents then said, what about the other two? One’s enough for now. Within 30 minutes of setting off, we’re stopped by the side of the road as Jasper’s feeling sick. The journey continues with that all common phrase that can drive every parent crazy as a bed bug. “Are we there yet?”.

Then we get lost as my navigator misses a turn we should have made 5 miles back. Whatever was life like before satnav? 18 miles going round in circles, then we’re back on route.

Now someones starving and if we don’t see a MacDonalds soon will probably die of starvation. Compromise and settle for a Burger King. Everyone agrees their chips (Fries for those who drive on the wrong side of the road) and Chicken nuggets are better than MacDonalds.

Finally arrive in glorious sunshine, 21 C to the Old Forge in Market Overton.

Jasper’s so excited. He thinks the “cottage” is so cool. His bedroom is 10/10 cool. We have to admit it’s probably best described as very funky. But it’s well equipped with a welcoming bottle of red wine, chocolates and basics in the fridge for us. He loves the lava lamp and Star Wars on the wall in his bedroom. The big question is will he sleep in it. He says he will.

We get unpacked and setup TV and chargers etc. Then it’s the delight of a trip to Tesco. Abandon hope all yea who enter there. Finally get back home for a well deserved beer and some wine – a Grenache, which I am pleased to say was good, will try some more. TV for the adults, more Sons of Anarchy, and ipad for Jasper.

 

 

Great news, Jasper slept all night in his 10 out of 10, cool bedroom, so didn’t need the blow up bed. Perhaps we should buy a lava lamp and put some Start Wars on the wall back at home.

Had a saunter around the dead centre of Market Overton. Wow, there are some old gravestones there. Your 6 square feet of inconvenience and immortality, well almost! The church seems really busy all of 6 people attended the Sunday service. Love the stocks on the village green. We really ought to bring back some of these old punishments to deal with the scroats.

Then after the usual lazy morning start, we drive to Oakham and pop in to see Dave and Joyce (my cousin). Take Jasper to a local park for a picnic and to play.

Then it’s a trip into Oakham to buy Jasper some of those wrist bands that allegedly stop car sickness. I’ll believe it when I hear it, but at least it might just be a placebo effect. Wendy, also needs some brandy. They have a nice choice of brandy but most of them are just too expensive to be polluted with lemonade. Settle on a bottle of Asbach, German brandy, haven’t seen it for a long while.

Then we drive down to Rutland Water to price up kayaks and bike hire ready for Tuesday. As you would expect on a bank holiday weekend it’s busy, with more people than good bacteria in a healthy gut.

Finally back home with plans for dinner at the Black Bull in the village. Oh sorry we’re not doing dinner tonoght. Typical. Never mind home for Hofbrau, cheeseburger and wine.

 

 

 

Another success with Jasper, he sleeps in his own room, no problem. He’s obviously getting in training for being a teenager, 08:30 he saunters out of bed.

What to do with an 8 year old. Actually, it’s dead simple just let him stay in and play on his iPad. Trying to get him out is the hard part.

We set off to Rutland water for a game of mini-golf, he really loves playing this, so excited. Then onto the adventure playground for an hours play and a picnic. Have a leisurely stroll down to the reservoir. Wow it is so busy. But Jasper really enjoys himself here.

In the evening we go to Joyce and Daves for dinner. It’s a great pick me spread including Melton Mowbray pork pie and Stilton cheese, not forgetting red wine. Awesome. Jasper has a MacDonalds, so much simpler.

 

 

 

Lazy start then we’re off into Oakham.

Go to the play park there and have a picnic. It keeps Jasper happy. Same park where I used to play over 60 years ago. They’ve got rid of the see-saw since then, health and safety no doubt, and no longer have a paddling pool.

Then we’re off to Rutland Water to go kayaking. rent a three-man sit on top kayak. Jasper’s so excited and loves it. First time “I’ve been on a sit-on kayak. Certainly not very comfortable, kills your back and within 30 minute my foots gone dead, but they all seem to be going to sit on’s, I suppose they’re a lot safer if they tip over. Having said that they’re very stable and I wonder how many people ever drowned in a sit-in kayak? Give me a sit-in kayak any day.

Then it’s off to Aldi, followed by dinner at the Old Buttercross, not easy to find and a pretty good menu but all the foods pre-pared by a microwave operative, no chef needed. Everythings just microwaved.