Tony & Wendy's Travel Blog

Start the day off yet again with 2 crack of sparrows conference calls, first one at 0530. They’re a nightmare – literally you have to wake up for them – but it’s better than trying to fit calls into our busy schedule. It’s just like trying to herd frogs, jumping in every direction and they can’t even follow the agenda.

Wendy’s at the CC all day. I’m off on one of my leisure bike rides, fortunately someone else is leading from Willow Creek up to Wasatch Bagel for coffee, so I can relax. Good group of 8, lot of new faces.

Leisurely afternoon, catch up on some work, even get time to read the paper and do my long overdue blog.

Another sunrise conference call.

Bob picks me up and we’re off kayaking for the morning with PCMSC.

Wendy goes shopping.

In the afternoon I ride down to National Ability Centre for archery. Yeah us volunteers get free NAC tee shirt as a just reward for all our hard work.

I finally find a compound bow, similar to my one at home, that I like and it makes the arrows go where I want them.

Then it’s the long haul back up the rail trail on my tank of a mountain bike.

And yet another 2 sunrise conference call. This time with lawyers. Why can they never give absolute advice, it’s always tinged with caveats and maybe’s. Why does it take them so long to do just a simple thing like change a couple of letters. Becoming the bane of my life.

Have a quick bike ride to check out the route of next weeks leisure bike ride. Good job really as the golf club – only $70k to join and $30k a year membership – have closed the gates on their road so no access.

Ten pin bowling as usual. It really is a good job we don’t take this seriously – abysmal score. Have a Starbucks to commiserate.

Wendy’s at the CC for the afternoon.

Call and get some coffee and, because you can’t get the staff I even have to venture into a supermarket un-escorted for some tooth paste – aren’t I brave.

Then at 1730 it’s Pickleball with B&M. I’ve booked a court and now I’ve had all of a hours playing I’m showing the rest of us how to play. It’s 33C and we do amazing to survive nearly an hour. I think they all enjoyed it. I think it’s amazing. Will certainly be playing this more and need to seek out a place to play back home – I’ll be lucky, not really in keeping with the likes of Blackburn.

Este’s for a well deserved beer and some pizza. I settle for a Calazone – awesome, especially with jalapeños.

Back home I can’t resist a few night caps and as luck would have it Wendy’s uncovered an excellent bottle of Armagnac that I’d forgot about and was hidden in the pantry.

I explore a leisure hike up Dawns trail (boy is it a up) and then down Armstrong. Not a bad one, I think I’ll do it for the club. Come across a couple on the ultimate in laziness, electric mountain bikes – only in America.

Lazy afternoon, even got to read a book and do my blog. Wendy went shopping with Marilyn.

Then in the evening its the now World famous Dunlop Court Street party. At least you don’t have to bring your own spoon with coloured thread round it, as we did for the Queens coronation party.

Evening starts with a Dead Mans boots, carries on with some Merlot and crescendo’s with a tase Armagnac and some High West Bourye, net effect is head hits pillow and sleep takes over.. Another perfect end to a perfect day.

Wendy’s been shouting for Hughie and Ruth in the night. Where do the diced carrots always come from. I’ve got the trots obviously all that alcohol has done it’s job and killed most of the bugs for me.

Have to cancel M&B for the jacuzzi and dinner. They just come round for a Jacuzzi and drinks.

I explore a leisure bike ride potential. Up to the top of round valley from Park Meadows, down Round Valley and back along the rail trail. It’s a hard ride up but if I can do it non-stop then it probably qualifies.

Day starts with the usual weekly video conference call with my team.

Then it’s off on a leisure hike, led by Joe, up Robs trail. A up out and back trails, about 3 miles and 700+ feet. Plenty of shade and you don’t tend to notice the up bit too much.

Wendy had the morning cleaning ready for the rug rat onslaught.

Lazy afternoon.

Evening we’re off down to Hal and Carols for dinner. Steak barbecue and then sit out chatting and get consumed by midges. Great evening, good company as always.

Yet another early weekly video conference call. At least it gets me up early.

My turn to lead a leisure hike which by some freaky computer screw up I ended up calling the Bear hike. Sadly there are no bears, nor do we even pass the Bear carvings on the houses in Deer Valley. Instead it’s around Snowtop on the Solamere loop. Very pleasant 3 miles with 700 feet elevation gain, fairly undulating and it’s a loop walk.

Evening is a quiet night in, catching up on the new Madam Secretary season.

Wendy’s at the CC all day while I lead a leisure bike ride from the Boneyard, over Park Meadows and then onto the old barn and back down the South side Bike path – seems so much easier back this way than the North side Bike path.

In the evening we’re off to B&M’s for dinner. Barbecued steaks, they just melt in your mouth. Say goodbye as they’re off to San Diego for 3 weeks. Will be sorely missed.

Bob picks me up for the kayaking on the Jordanelle with the sports club as usual. It’s as flat as a mill pond and no wind. Very leisurely.

Afternoon I’m off down to the NAC in my new volunteers tee shirt – awesome colour of blue. Find my favourite bow and have a pleasant afternoon. End up having to drive down, rather than bike, as we’ve friends round for dinner at 1730.

Laurie and Mike come round for dinner and as Tina and Neil have just arrived we somewhat belatedly invite them too. Great evening with Shepard’s pie, Wilson creek almond champagne and plenty of wine and whisky.

I’m off tenpin bowling with the geriatrics, while wendy goes to the CC for the afternoon.

Choice in the afternoon is do I go to Pickleball and pass on the sport club’s Jordanelle picnic or do we go to the picnic. Wendy’s not too keen on the picnic so I do the Pickleball – need practice and perhaps some lessons.

Leisurely alcohol free evening.

White water kayaking with Hal down the Weber. Just about manage to survive after getting stuck on a rock and worst still stuck down the side of a pylon. Good fun.

Then in the evening we go to the Boneyard, they have a rooftop deck with free music. Meet Sylvia and friends for a very pleasant evening. Manage to escape downstairs, under cover, before the black storm clouds do their bit.

Did a bike ride in the morning while Wendy went shopping. Problem is I can’t remember where – old age.

Pick Ross and Co up in the evening. Took all of 20 minutes to drive from the Wait zone to the pickup zone. Never known it so busy.

More early morning conference calls.

Wendy and I set off to do the Tollgate Canyon leisure hike. Only problem is that someone didn’t read the start time correctly – it’s a Wasatch Bagels curse every time I go on a hike from there.

Take Ross and Susie on a bike ride down the rail track to Round valley and back.

Oh well back home, take the kids on an orientation drive around. Then I have to suffer Tangier outlets, Walmart and WholeFoods all in one afternoon.

Lazy evening in. Kids go to bed early.

More early morning conference calls.

Go and pick Hal and Co. up and take them down to the airport.

Kids go to the PCMarc swimming pool and buy a months pass so they can go any time.

Lazy afternoon and evening. Cancel tenpin bowling as no ones signed up.

Sorry still too busy with this consultancy work to add rants, jokes and religious commentary. A shame really because I’ve got so many BREXIT and other rants building up they’re going to ebb over any moment into the mother of all rants.

Bob leads a leisure bike ride for me, Miners Hospital up to Snowpark then all downhill to the no name saloon for a relaxing beverage on their upstairs deck. Sadly I’m driving so it’s alcohol free for me.

Afternoon it’s gun club with Joe.

Lazy evening in catching up on the myriad of series on Netflix, HBONow and Amazon Prime. BBC hardly gets a look in these day.

As usual kayaking with PCMSC in the morning and then archery with the NAC in the afternoon.

Spaghetti dinner with Bob’s mother’s secret recipe. As always a great evening.

White water rafting with Hal. He’s a guide so we get a free trip. Great fun, only a class 2 so we don’t get too wet.

Then we see two empty stray canoes come floating past.

As usual Wendy’s at the Christian Centre in the afternoon while I catch up on some work.

Evenings a TGIF at an awesome house in pine brook, well at least when we could find it. Great food. Good evening.

Up at the crack of sparrows for a Swanner preserve nature walk. What a waste of time that was.

Catch up on some work in the afternoon while Wendy has the highlight of her week with the trip to the supermarket.

I’m having Mexican for tea so it’s off on my bike to Alberto’s for a Nacharito. Awesome, and so pleasant to be able to have a ride on my bike to get it. This place is magic.

Quiet evening finishing off a bottle of wine and season 5 of The Americans – worse and most boring season ever. Also manage a few High West whiskeys. Perfect end to another perfect day here in paradise.

Meet Bob and Marilyn at the old barn and we all toddle off on our bikes up to the Canyons for coffee. All the place needs is some tumble weed to finish off the image of a ghost town. 11:00 and everywhere’s closed – must be run by the French.

Wendy’s done a big roast so we’ve that much meat we invite B & M around for tea, wine, Pimms and whiskey.

It’s the sport club’s Independence Day celebration up at Bob and Jeri’s. Day starts off at 08:30 with the choice of hikes or bike rides. I opt for the easy hike while Wendy and Marilyn help out in the kitchen getting the food ready.

For lunch it’s a Jacobs join along with bangers and sauerkraut. A BYOB session. I’m quite restrained and just have a Hofbrau even though I’ve just expended enough calories for a bottle of red.

Great day.

It’s our one free weekday each week when Wendy and I get to do something of our choosing, although usually it’s me leading a leisure hike.

Today we set off to explore the Bear hike at deer valley. Satnav can’t find the address of the hike start. Not surprising as the road it’s on is now Deercrest – a secure gated community. We abandon that plan and try out the walk around Park Meadows – just 3 miles – going to be part of my next leisure bike ride.

Lazy afternoon.

Then we’re off for pizza at B&M’s – not a superstore – and we drop off my car at the canyons car park ready for the fireworks.

Catch the bus up to the canyons, pick up the chairs and off on the cabriolet up to the plaza. Find a good spot to watch the fireworks. Meanwhile we talk, listen to the live music / racket and answer a flood of questions from people on “…..is this the best spot to see the fireworks?”. Why they ask us god only knows, it must be that they think with age comes wisdom and we’ve age on our side a plenty.

My it get’s cold and the fireworks don’t start until 21:30. We decide the escape down the cabriolet and out the car park at the end of the fireworks is going to be nothing but a serpentine line, longer than the Amazon and a gridlocked car park. After a couple of minutes of fireworks we get the cabriolet down and watch the fireworks from it. Arrive at the car park just as the fireworks finish and then drive off no trouble. A well planned and executed excursion, just a pity we went up too soon and didn’t have our artic ski gear on.

Oh and by the way pretty good fireworks.

Catch the bus into town for the parade. Amazing how many people you can cram in a bus. Amazing how lazy people are. They could walk quicker. Sad how none of the youngsters or even adults have any manners or consideration these days. Not one of them offers their seat up to the elderly or even to ladies standing. Seeing a definite decline in standards and manners over here over the past 20+ years.

Parade’s a great small town parade. We drove up early to put our chairs out. By the time we got there – 08:30 – all the plum spots had gone and there wasn’t much left. B & M, Hal and Angela join us. Hal’s in his element, dancing in the street, and knows so many in the parade.

Then we stagger back in the sweltering heat, lugging our two chairs. Wendy gives up and waits for the bus, but the bus never comes so she has to walk after all.

Tea time and we have a Independence Day barbecue for our American friends. Help them celebrate their 1776 moment – happy traitors day to the ungrateful colonials. We’re celebrating and praying for our independence from the Evil Union. We live in hope.

Joe supervises the barbecue. Good job as I may not be able to turn water into wine, as some allegedly did, but I can turn meat into charcoal. Ruth brings some Jell-O shots – red, white and blue jelly made with vodka – as she wanted us Brits to experience yet another American tradition. What a great healthy way to get your daily alcohol intake.

Anyway barbecue was a success, no charcoal created; no meat mistreated; no fire alarm set off this time. Had a good time with a very interesting cross section of intelligent conversation.

Have a few whiskey night caps to finish off another awesome day.

Up at the crack of sparrows and off kayaking with PCMSC. Starts off flat as a mill pond and then the wind gets up, makes it so much more interesting.

Then drop Wendy off to have her wig trimmed and dyed.

Hal drops off his 2nd bike for me to borrow. He’s sick of seeing me on my Walmart special tank, weighs a ton. His is a aluminium frame Cannondale.

In the afternoon I have a bike ride up to the NAC and back, to do archery with them. These young adults really enjoy their archery and they’re vary good. Wow it’s hot, to hot to bike.

Quiet night in watching Goliath, getting a tad too gruesome and weird.

Morning I’m bowling again with the Newcomers club – the geriatrics gang. Then in the afternoon I go down to the gym to have a taste of Pickleball. It’s an amazing game. Just right for us geriatrics, not too much running and diving. A cross between tennis, badminton and table tennis. No wonder it’s one of the fastest growing sports. As most of the players are in my age group – geriatrics – no one takes it too seriously. Great fun, will have to try it more.

Wendy’s off to the CC for the afternoon.

Meanwhile I’m too dam busy with this consultancy work.

In the evening we’re off to the TGIF up at Bub’s house. Fantastic log cabin way up the mountain. This guy has a wolf as a pet and a husky cross. Both very friendly especially when they look at you longingly whilst eating in the hope of a tit bit.

Wendy and I try out the Bear hike for one of my leisure hikes. It’s quite a pleasant 3 mile loop around Snowtop. The FSGM only knows why I called it the Bear hike but that’s the name it will keep.
In the evening we’re off to the Oakley Rodeo with B&M. Awesome as always and great fireworks. I love the rodeo.

Nightmare driving back. Can these colonials not afford some street lighting.

We’re off to Wyoming Downs for a spot of horse racing with B&M. Marilyn’s got us a a table in the grandstand, great seat and waitress service for booze and food. Not a great fan of horse racing but we really enjoyed it. I manage to pick the winner in 4 out of 6 races and my lavish $24 produced a profit of $26 – wow what will I spend it on?

Can you believe it 350,000,000 people in the USA and we run into Jewlee, my dive buddy from a cruise, at the races. Small world.

Amazing all the races were only 300 yards long so a very fast sprint. Mind you in this heat – 30C + – who’d want to kill your nag with a 1 mile race.

Awesome being just over the border into Wyoming. Civilisation, no crazy liquor laws. Proper off licenses, even open on a Sunday. Even drink anytime without food.

It’s our long awaited hike to Stewart falls in Sundance and then a picnic, all with B&M.

Catch the lift up and then walk / scramble down to the falls. The paths rough and overgrown with some stretches that are unnerving to me. But we make it and I don’t even get my feet wet crossing the falls.

Lovely poor folks picnic sat in the shade by a babbling brook. Great day yet again.

Bob, who seems to be permanently hungry, comes out with his classic remark – “I smell food”.

Start the day with 0500 conference calls. It’s that 4 letter word again – work. Taking up a lot of time at the moment but I’m sort of enjoying it and hopefully after initial projects it will settle down to less involvement. Also won’t be as bad when we’re back home with nowt to do.

Then Wendy and I are off up to Silverlake. I’m leading the silver lake to payday mid mountain leisure hike – just 5 miles. My it’s hot but a lot of it’s in the shade. Really good turnout of 16. Good walk and then ahttp://blogs.4uand.me.uk/?p=8474&preview=true crap American pilsner at the corner cafe – better sticking to German or Czech pilsners.

Lazy afternoon and evening.

class=”aligncenter size-large wp-image-8489″ />Lead my first leisure bike ride. Fortunately found out that Corner Cafe was closed despite web site saying it was open. Went to Silver Star instead. Arrived spot on opening time – 11:00 – ready for my Stiegl Austrian Pilsner only to be told that canplserve drinks until 11:30 – Utah drinking laws strike again – I was so looking forward to it.

As always there’s the usual gobby geezer. This ones whining about how British beers served warm and tastes like shit. I resist the temptation to comment how any American can have the brass nerve to criticise proper beer, when they drink that insipid pale yellow pickle water. They he volunteers a rant on how the British Empire tyrannised their colonies. Obviously detests the British.

Afternoon more consultancy work.

Then Carol and Angela pop round to say hello.

Kayaking. Work. Then archery – 6 instructors / volunteers for only 2 candidates. Oh well at least I get more of a chance to shoot.

Dinner at Bob and Marilyn’s. Get to try a dirty Vodka martini (vodka martini with olive juice), yuk but starters are peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, awesome – if that doesn’t qualify me for a green card nothing will. Pass on the Martini.

Bowling again and Wendy’s at the Christian Centre. Help out set up table in the afternoon ready for Dogs and Suds. By god they’re heavy to move.

Then in the evening it’s Dogs and Suds with PCMSC. Fortunately you don’t need a dog to go. Another example of Americans perverting the language, in more formal English it’s “Hot dogs and beer”. Best baked beans I’ve ever had – properly cooked – along with some Dark and Stormy’s, a juicy Merlot and a Yipee Kayee nightcap. Rat arsed.

Perfect end to another perfect day.

Lazy morning then it’s a Walmart experience. And no we didn’t have our pyjamas on.

In the afternoon we toddlle off down to the library on the bus with Bob and Marilyn to see what the Latino Arts Fest has to offer. A tad disappointing but it’s the first time they’ve tried it so perhaps it’ll get better if it survives. Food was not all that good so we tootle off to Alberto’s for some Mexican fast food – at last I get a burrito, pretty good.

Hike with Bob and Marilyn from Silver Lake down to Snow Park in Deer Valley. A good 4.5 miles but thankfully mostly down hill. Stop off at the Deer Valley Store cafe for a well deserved coffee.

In the evening we’re all off to Stein Erickson for dinner to celebrate Bob and Marilyn’s wedding anniversary. Great menu but most were not impressed, certainly not 5 Star. I loved my rabbit starter and Veal T Bone – easily pleased – and with two for one vouchers it didn’t seem too expensive. Then it was back to ours to celebrate with some Almond champagne.

For the first time ever used Valet Parking – how bloody idle can you get – but really not much choice as it’s all lazy bones parking. As usual you end up hanging around waiting for the car to be bought to you but have to say I was really impressed – not easy done these days – but the guy had pumped up a tyre that was showing low pressure. How neat is that. Even tipped him.

Mon

Wendy and I do the leisure hike with PCMSC. An easy 3 mile hike from Willow Creek up to the old barn and back.

Wendy toddles off to the Christian Centre to leave me in peace to do some work. Thank god I’ve finished the recommendations and contract. It’s taken up all my spare time since we’ve been here, at least now I can get my life back and concentrate on fun.

Photography club at the library in the evening, all about still photography from drones. Quite interesting, but not really my cup of tea.

Wendy and I drive up to Guardsmen’s pass and take a hike up to Bloods lake. It’s described as an easy hike but I think they’re confusing short with easy. Yes it’s short, we did about 2 miles, but steep, rocky and loose rubble don’t make it easy.

In the afternoon it’s more excitement as we do Costco with Bob and Marilyn.

Watch the Americans despite Amazons Prime’s best efforts to deter me. End up signing up for yet another months free trial. That seems to fix the problem.

We’d

Lead a leisure bike ride around Swanner Reserve. Good turnout of 12. Of course as usual there’s alway one gob on the ride who wants to point out what hand signals should be used. Funny how these sort never volunteer to lead, so much easier to chunner away from behind.

Pop down to the gym to see what Pickell Ball is all about. Looks fairly leisurely, will have to give it a try.

Afternoon I go shooting with Joe. Hire a 38 with some high energy Bullets. Has the kick of a drunken mule and the noise of thunder clap.

Another fun packed day.

Kayaking with PCMSC in the morning. At last I get to explore the other end of the reservoir. Everyone else sets off down the usual end.

Catch up on some work over dinner.

Then it’s NAC archery in the afternoon.

Lecture on Alcohol and Park City at 16:00 with B & M, then they come round for dinner and a few drinks.

Easy 6 mile bike ride down to tenpin bowling. Coffee at Starbucks, then tough 6 mile ride back, but I made it.

Wendy’s at the CC in the afternoon.

Then it’s a bit more culture as we go to the library for a talk on the Mormon pioneers who arrived in Salt Lake in 1847. Lecture droned on a bit and I was amazed at how much of it we already knew from books and films.

More of The Americans in the evening.

Lazy day. We have a bike ride up to PCMR base to buy some coffee from Campos coffee. Seems like they’ve caught the French disease, can’t be bothered to open; can’t be bothered to put a sensible sign on the door say when they’ll be open; can’t be bothered to update their web site with opening times.

Then in the evening we’re all off to a barn dance as they open up the Pollin Barn to the public, complete with a barbecue, music and dancing for those so inclined. Needless to say the weather is awesome as it has been since we got her.

Off down to the Silly market with Bob and Marilyn, followed by lunch on the deck of the “No Name Saloon”. I have an awesome corned beef Reubens. Everyones delighted with their food. More than I can say for the 7% Pilsner I try, too strong and more like a malt beer than a pilsner. That’ll teach me not to be silly and try American beer, but at least it wasn’t ants urine..

Afternoon I catch up on some work.

No exercise today, getting withdrawal symptoms.

We’re both off out for the 09:00 Leisure hike up “La Dee Dah” with PCMSC. Quite a pleasant out and back hike and the weather’s awesome.

Can’t believe it but I think we’re both starting to miss the rain. Since we’ve been here I think we’ve only had about an hours rain.

In the evening we’re off on a bowling evening with friends and PCMSC invited. Have a great evening, not too much exertion and judging by our scores most didn’t take it too seriously. Then we’re all off to the Full House for dinner, oriental food but all a tad too greasy for my liking.

I lead a leisure hike. Hal comes. Silver lake to Deer Valley cafe.

Wendy and Marilyn do what they do best, shop.

Sorry for the delayed publication and the lack of rants and jokes but all this consultancy work is getting in the way of fun. Never mind just 10 more days and I’ll be over the worst of it.

Up at the crack of sparrows for our flight to Salt Lake. Good flight. Excelent service. Splashed out with the air miles to upgrade to Premium economy comfortable. Overall I think it was worth it not quite as good as upper class but pretty good.

Get to Hertz and as usual my cheapest mid-sized car enables me to select from a range of cars including 4 eight seater SUV. Settle for the Yukon. It’s ginormous, a family of 7 could live in it.

After 24 hours we arrive at our 2nd home and the electronic door lock won’t work. To top the day off we both get soaked by the sprinklers – hope it’s not recycled sewage water. Phone the management company and within half an hour they have someone round to let us in by the fool proof mechanism of a key.

Off out early to go kayaking with Park City Mountain Sports Club (PCMSC) and get from under Wendy’s feet while she unpacks – well that my justification. Wow it was rough out there on the Jordanell Reservoir, all the Stand Up paddle boarders chickened out and wanted a kayak. My experience of SUP on a mill pond is that it’s abuts exciting as watching paint dry. At least if it’s rough or you’re on the sea it must be more challenging.

Then in the afternoon it’s off to the supermarket – I escape to Starbucks. Then the liquor store for the essentials.

Nearly bleed to death as I have the nosebleed from hell and it just won’t stop – bet I lost pints of blood.

Just get back and Bob and Marilyn come round to welcome us back, complete with their own booze. I haven’t been here 24 hours yet and already I’ve sinned by drinking before 17:00.

In the evening it’s time for some HBO. Then there’s that moment when you wake up on the settee, watching a blank TV screen, in a dark room, with a glass of an awesome whiskey in hand wondering where her in doors has gone and thinking eee bye gum she must be pissed with me. Never mind, I manage to finish off that awesome whiskey and stagger up the wooden hill.

Oh to be stood having a pee and you’re that tired – only 4 hours sleep last night – that it takes you every ounce of energy and concentration not to nod off mid flow.

Lazy start to the day and then I knuckle down to get some of this consultancy work done.

11:00 and I’m off Bowling with the Newcomers group. What an abysmal score, just manage to crack 100.

Tootle off down to the National Ability Centre to help out with the Archery. Bloody hell it’s been cancelled, so good of them to let me know, time for a minor rant with them, they really need to get their act together, not the first time this has happened.

Try unabomber again. This time we both manage to stay awake.

Morning working.

Afternoon off down to the gun range with joe.

Then in the evening we’re off to Bob & Marilyn’s for dinner and champagne to welcome us back. Quality Papa Murphy’s pizza, makes me revise my view of American pizza outside of Chicago. Then we’re all off to a 1940’s evening, complete with big band, many old planes, some dancing – I pass with my “bad leg”. All in Heber airport hanger. I expected it to be infested with geriatrics all dressed in mothballed 1940’s glad rags, but good to see so many younger people had made the effort. Wow the fashions were so stylish, unlike the drab, shapeless sacks they wear these days. A good night and plenty of wine.
Work

Up and out for a hike, “Sultan out and back” with Bob and Marilyn. Pleasant hike out but the way back is all uphill. That’s bad enough but it’s compounded by the constant earache I get along with”are we there yet” almost every 10 steps.

Stop for lunch at Sammy’s. I pass on lunch but can’t resist a Pilsner – forgive me for I have sinned yet again.

Afternoon working again – it really is getting boring now but I’ve my recommendations and new contract terms to produce by the 18th. At least the money’s good.

In the evening Bob and Marilyn come round for dinner, but more importantly a diary planning session – there’s just so much to do, how will we ever fit it all in?

Then more attempts to watch Unabomber without nodding off.

Kayak with NAC in the morning but they’ve only one candidate so it’s hardly worth it.

Wendy’s volunteering at the hospital in the afternoon so I’m the taxi service, in between getting some work done.

Then just before tea we both take a pleasant bike ride to check out our bikes.

Evening’s more work and Unabomber.

It’s a full day out with Doris and Paul, friends from Los Angelas, who are staying at Snowbird. We give them the Grand tour Jordanelle, PCMR base, Deer valley and of course main street. Lunch at silver star. Afternoon drinks on the patio at No Name Saloon, dinner at High West. High West was very disappointing, not a patch on the meal or choice of menu we had in winter.

Sadly my consultancy work – it’s a four letter word – has kept me busy and meant a delayed posting of this, with no time for rants, religion or jokes.

Off down to Pont de Hoc. On D-Day 225 American rangers scaled the cliffs to take out a heavily fortified Kraut gun emplacement. Whilst they achieved their objective only 90 survived.

Pointe du Hoc is a promontory with a 100 ft cliff overlooking the English Channel on the coast of Normandy in northern France. During World War II it was the highest point between Utah Beach to the west and Omaha Beach to the east. The German army fortified the area with concrete casemates and gun pits. On D-Day (6 June 1944) the United States Army Ranger Assault Group assaulted and captured Pointe du Hoc after scaling the cliffs.

Then drove to Marie St Elgise – famous for it’s church with a D-Day paratrooper dangling from it – for lunch.

The town’s main claim to fame is that it played a significant part in the World War II Normandy landings because this village stood right in the middle of route N13, which the Germans would have most likely used on any significant counterattack on the troops landing on Utah and Omaha Beaches. In the early morning of 6 June 1944 mixed units of the U.S. 82nd Airborne and U.S. 101st Airborne Divisions occupied the town in Mission Boston, giving it the claim to be one of the first towns liberated in the invasion.

Gun emplacement

The early landings, at about 0140 directly on the town, resulted in heavy casualties for the paratroopers. Some buildings in town were on fire that night, and they illuminated the sky, making easy targets of the descending men. Some were sucked into the fire. Many hanging from trees and utility poles were shot before they could cut loose.

A well-known incident involved paratrooper John Steele of the 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment (PIR), whose parachute caught on the spire of the town church, and could only observe the fighting going on below. He hung there limply for two hours, pretending to be dead, before the Germans took him prisoner.

Then in the evening we went to a local restaurant that the owner had told us was only closed on Sunday evening. He speaks with forked tongue. It was closed. As luck would have it we bump into the owner who now says it is closed Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. In fact it sounds like it’s hardly ever open, just when he can be bothered. Typical arrogant French, with attitude and about as enterprising and as much charm and get up and go as a dyslexic sloth.

I walk off and throw my arms up in Gaelic disgust. He’s a complete waste of oxygen.

That’s two restaurants in town we’ll not be going to. In fact by the time they’ve seen my Tripadvisor review we’ll probably have a lifetime ban.

Go to Campanelle where we are greeted with a smile and hearty welcome. Great choice of food, both al la carte and formula; awesome food; great silver service with a laugh and a smile. Reasonably priced. Never had Galletes before, they were awesome. We’ll be going back there again.

A small whisky and a small bourbon and I manage to survive an episode of Homeland before drifting off to bed for the best nights sleep for months – a sleep of the just.

Excitement bubbles over. It’s market day. The women can hardly wait, so after breakfast we gallop into town. Barry and I leave them to it while Barry has a freshly made sausage baton and then we tootle off for a coffee.

Back to the caravan to discover an ant invasion. Wendy has a complete meltdown. Spray the little bastards but still they keep coming.

Drop the roof down on the car and have a pleasant sunny ride down to Carantan to the big Lclerc. Sadly they don’t sell the Elijah Craig whiskey. Typical arrogance of the French as they must think Wendy may be a thief, as they demand to see inside her shopping bags. Standard practice in French supermarkets. What a disgraceful way to treat your customers. Arrogant and disrespectful.

Dinner of Fajitas for us all round at our ant colony. I think we’re winning the battle. Down a couple of bottles of wine and finish off the Double Rye.

I really do like people who fly the union flag. Flying it in France probably infuriates the locals, so even more reason to do it. After all said and done you’d think they’d be grateful for us saving their arrogant necks in two World Wars, but none of that. Anyway one of the Brits on our site is proudly flying the Union flag and one celebrating our soldiers. Sad new is the Union flags upside down. You would think that anyone who bothers to fly the flag would at least take the trouble to fly it the right way round.

Drive out to Pontbail, a lovely little fishing village. Have a stroll across the bridge and out to a restaurant on the headland. We were going to have coffee but when we discovered they didn’t know what a Latte was we decided it was best to abandon that plan.

Have a coffee in the town, sat enjoying the sunshine, although it’s a tad cool in the wind.

Interesting little town. So far we’ve never seen a booze shop – aka off-license – in any of the towns and villages. Yet this place has two. One of them has the best selection of whiskies I’ve seen in a ling while, plus a butcher that even sells wine and some whisky.

Bread, cheese and wine for tea – aka dinner for any southern softies brave enough to read this non-PC monologue.

A quiet evening in watching Homeland.

Off up to Cherbourg for a weekly shop at Leclerc. Manage to get a bottle of Elijah Craig.

Call in at Barfleur after Cherbourg. Allegedly one of the prettiest villages in France. Well it was quite quaint but if that’s one of the prettiest then the rest must be somewhat dire.

Have a stroll around the harbour and stop for coffee and chips – a famous English food combination. Amazing, despite repeating our order they manage to screw up 2 out 5 items. What can you expect it’s France and our waiter was so busy mincing around with the gay meter turned up full throttle, he probably couldn’t even remember where he’d left his gold lama posing pouch.

As her indoors has no idea what’s for tea – see above for Southern softie translation – I end up having bread, cheese and wine again. Oh how I have to suffer.

The economy in France must be on the up, there’s fewer stolen toilet seats these days. Only need a blow up toilet once – what a cracking idea for Dragons Den that would be, they’d sell like hot croissants in France.

When we booked our caravan pitch we never bothered to specify a “No smoking pitch”, but now we have a human chimney on the pitch next to us. His Misses obviously doesn’t smoke and forces him outside, so we get the benefit when the winds in the wrong direction.

Wendy and I take a cobweb destroying, open top, drive down to Carentan. Visit E.Leclerc, oh the excitement, I’m orgasmic.

Afternoon we drive down to Baupte for a walk. Park looks very nice but the walk’s about as enjoyable as a stroll around Khyber Pass in downtown Blackburn.

Evening is curry and bread and butter pudding round at Barry’s, all washed down with wine and some Elijah Craig – it goes down well.

Stroll into town with Wendy. Have coffee at the cafe with all the Holy gamblers – after an hour on their knees in the cold damp church, with a missing spire, they all troop in here to gamble and drink. Oh and gorge themselves on the free bread and sausage.

Then in the afternoon we go for a walk around the Plan d’Eau – a lake – not a very long walk I might add. And as for the cafe, well it was that scruffy that even the cockroaches had left for fear of food poisoning.

Evening finally finish off Homeland – improved towards the end.

Lazy morning. Dot and Wendy drive off in search of new exciting supermarkets, so Barry and I have a saunter into town. Not really sure why, other than to spread confusion and discord. Well we knew it was Monday and expected most of the lazy beggars to be shut but everywhere is shut, including our favourite cafe. So no Whiskey crawl for us. Even the flower shops, lawn mower shops and hairdressers are shut.

Somethings up, must a contagious national outbreak of “idolitus couldn’t give a damess”. Turns out it’s yet another bank holiday.

Finally find that Hotel Commerce is open. Is it worth suffering the rude, chauvinistic arrogance and surliness of the harridan waitress that lurks in there? Our thirst gets the better of us. No chance of a whiskey though all they sell is wine and the usual urine coloured drink that they try and pass off as beer.

Saunter back to find Wendy and Dot have struggled to find an open supermarket, even E.Leclerc were closed. It’s just like England in the 1960, except that you can’t understand a word they’re saying.

Dinner around at ours. Corned beef hash with some wine and eventually some Elijah Craig Bourbon – very quaffable – and nicer than Jack Daniel Select barrel. Alas the Elijsh Craig has all evaporated.

Drive out to Saint Vaast La Hougue with Dot and Barry for lunch. A pretty little fishing village. Prettier than Barfleur.

Have a very pleasant lunch. Their fish tartiflet was awesome.

Lazy evening in catching up on Designated Survivor. Don’t you just love how many times he says “the American people”.

Time to pack up.

Saunter down to the market for a final coffee whilst the sun dries off the awning. Then in the afternoon it’s take the awning down – takes about 2 hours, with coffee break – followed by clean the caravan. Pack up most things ready for tomorrow.

In the evening we’re all off out to the Pom Cannelle for dinner. Well would be if the idles, feckless French souls could be bothered to open on a Wednesday evening. A pity, really looking forward to one of their Gallettes – really good food and service.

Have to compromise and go to the Fish restaurant, whose proprietor seems to open when he feels like it. Service was good and food was ok, but the menu was not inspiring. Spent most of his time grimacing and telling us what choice was off the menu today. Along with other diners, spent half the meal searching for the salt and pepper, which were carefully camouflaged to look like a couple of shiny flat pebbles. Can’t believe what pervert made or bought those!

Back to Barries for a final bourbon nightcap. End to a perfect holiday, even though it was in France.

Pack up the caravan in the morning then it’s a pretty lazy afternoon so we have an exciting trip to Carentan E.Leclerc and Lidl to while away the afternoon. Then it’s afternoon tea with the Gaudens and we set off to Caen.

Pleasant drive to Caen apart from when we get to the port. There’s a large illegal immigrant presence and a corresponding large armed police presence. Suddenly we’ve a giant lorry up our exhaust pipe, honking away on his horn at us. Really dangerous as we’re going round a bend. I can see why as the immigrants are trying to board his lorry like a hoard of pirates trying to board a ship. I’m furious at the danger and am so tempted to stop and walk over to the police and complain. Pull into the car park.

There’s illegal immigrants marauding everywhere and the police are constantly moving them on. Why the hell they don’t just arrest and deport them. Weak and wishy governments yet again.

Have dinner at the port watching the marauding immigrants.

Then it’s a long , boring wait to board as the ferries late.

Off the boat fairly quickly and then it’s a MacDonalds breakfast before our short drive up to Brett’s.

Lovely flat.

Shower and settle and in the afternoon we go a long walk around Cowarth Park. Call in for an afternoon beer. My god you can tell we’re in the rich South, don’t think I’ve ever paid as much for a round of drinks nearly fell off me perch and my credit card had a catatonic relapse.

Brett really loves Waitrose, what with a free coffee and a free newspaper can’t say as I blame him. Awesome choice of foods. But alas not something they have in Blackburn, I wonder why?

Brett made dinner in the evening. Yet another one of my sons who cooks. Must be in their genes but obviously by passed me along with the gardening gene.

Go into Windsor. Just happen upon a changing of the guard ceremony but they’re boring black uniforms, not blood red – always handy in battle to hide and blood on the uniform.

Pop down to Eton college but the grounds aren’t open. Toddle off for lunch in Sunningdale.

In the evening Brett coooks again.

Have a stroll around Virginia waters then watch the polo. It’s quite entertaining and best of all it’s free.

Then the long, road work ridden, traffic jammed drive home.

End to an awesome holiday.

Nightmare journey down the M6 as usual. What prat thinks that a 20+ mile roadworks is a good idea. They should be shot.

Arrive in plenty of time so have a wander around Gunnery Wharf and a drink, to pass the time away. Alas no slitted black bin liners to keep us amused as they attempt to eat spaghetti, under their nib.

Usual wait to board. How dare they keep us geriatrics waiting. Don’t they realise that as we’re so old we don’t have that long to live and time is more valuable than for the young. In future perhaps they might consider queuing based on eldest at the front.

Only 30 minutes out Wendy remembers that French have no sense of humour as she encounters the first surly, humourless French sales assistant.

Well stocked duty free, but a tad disappointing for Bourbons.

Off the ferry by 08:00 and then it’s a 80 minute drive to our caravan, along good, empty roads. Almost makes driving pleasurable.

Caravans on pitch and within an hour we’re all set up. Then we decide to risk divorce and attempt to put up our full sized awning, that we’ve bought with us. Better use it after it’s taken up the whole of the back seats of the car. We’re amazed how quick one cripple and a short arse got the awning up, it is as taught as fat tarts G-String to boot, and just takes an hour. Mind you it’s another 30 minutes stapling it down. But good news is not a single swear word and no divorce lawyers are needed.

Weather lovely and sunny and not too hot.

Dot and Barry arrive mid-afternoon. They’re on the pitch opposite so we can share wifi.

Decide we’ll all go out for dinner to save on the cooking. So it’s off to the Commerce. Had a good meal here last time and service was pretty good. This time the food, on the limited menu, is as good as always. If you want to visit somewhere in France to confirm their worldwide reputation for bad service, bad manners and chauvinistic arrogance then this has to be top of the list. Our waitress had obviously studied at the world renowned Parisian school for rude waiters, where she came top of her classes, summa cum laude, in each of the three main disciplines of bad manners, insolence and surly disposition. I’ve seen a better smile on a Tasmanian Devil with a raging toothache.

Good nights sleep and we’re not up until about 09:00.

A lazy day with the excitement of a walk into town. And that’s about all I can remember.

Lazy start and then we’re off with Dot and Barry up to Cherbourg.

Get a call from an ex-colleague who wants to know if I’d do some consultancy for them on their ARC. Sounds interesting.

Call in at Decathalon where Wendy gets treated to a cooking stand for the awning – spoilt.

Weathers very pleasant so we start off with a coffee around the Place de something or other. Very pleasant people watching and they even employ a waitress with a personality.

Then it’s the highlight of the week for the ladies as they get to go to a giant L’elclrec – not it’s not an electric goods store – it’s a supermarket. Barry and I explore the wines and whiskies then it’s off for the 2nd Espresso of the day, whilst the ladies do a trolley crawl.

Tea is bread, cheese and wine around at ours. I could live on this every day. Then to finish off another awesome day Barry and I manage a night cap that makes a serious dent in a bottle of “Double Rye” – may be the cheapest of the High West Bourbons but it goes down like nectar.

I sleep very well.

Lazy morning, by the time we’re ready for a stroll into town, all the shops are closed – apart from florists, hairdressers and lawn mower shops – for their 3 hour lunch. Smart move on our part.

Stop for an obligatory coffee. Explore the fish restaurant in town and confuse the hell out of the proprietor with my English renditions of French. Probably very frustrating for him as he can speak English and it would have been better than having a Roast Beef crucify his language. Mind you if he had the wit to display his opening times – fairly fundamental piece of information you’d think – we’d have saved ourselves 5 minutes of utter confusion.

Afternoon tea after our 4 mile saunter. Draft terms of reference for my proposed consultancy project. Could be interesting, just up my street and similar to previous consultancy projects. Then in the evening we catch up with more of the Americans from Amazon Prime.

Lazy morning. Fix the toilet pump without a single swear word or curse.

Have to say having a full awning up is great. Gets nice and warm even though the temperature outside is a tad cool, and gives us so much more space. Wendy can now cook in the awning which frees up more space inside.

Will have to consider one of those blow up awnings. We can sell this full awning.

Another walk into town, is the highlight of the day.

Dinner at Dot and Barrie’s along with some wine and a very pleasant and soft Glen Grant single malt whisky. Manage to stagger back across the road to our caravan. Try watching Homeland but sleep gets the better of me – I wonder why?

Slept like a log.

Glorious sunny day, just the right temperature.

Lazy morning, again. Then walked into town, along the cycle path, just after lunch. Surprise, surprise nowhere is open.

What an exciting life we lead. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for Wine, Brandy and Whiskey.

Caught the 22:30 Stena Line ferry from Liverpool to Belfast. Drive through Liverpool is worst than trying to navigate a maze on a tandem. As usual get their early, so we’ve quite a wait, but being recognised as a cripple we’re first row to board.

Ship is not that big but very modern and fresh. Cabins are quite spacious and when the bursar sees a cripple hobbling through we get assigned a new cabin on that deck – how thoughtful and considerate. Bars very pleasant and drinks are not too expensive.

Calm and peaceful crossing. I have a very pleasant full English breakfast. Only downside of this ferry is that you land at 06:30 and we’re first off.

It’s about a half hour drive to Anna’s so we arrive about 07:30. Wendy wonders whether they’ll be up this early. Well if they’re not they soon will be. Yes, they’re up.

Anna and Leon’s home is lovely in a very up market and secluded neighbourhood just outside Bangor. They’ve five bedrooms so the two of them are rattling around like marble in a steel drum.

After getting the grand tour and choosing our bedroom – good wifi – we drive back into Belfast. Park up at the Titanic exhibition and do it first as it’s only just opened up. A tad pricey but would recommend it. It seems that the place is infested with a Dutch down filled jacket Company tour, everyone is wandering around in these latest fashion icons, obviously get them cheap at their factory, and muttering away in guttural Dutch.

Have a spot of early lunch and then catch the hop on and off bus tour.

Classic screw up as usual. Brochure says pay driver, the cafe that sells tickets doesn’t accept credit cards but says they do on the bus. Bus driver does not accept credit cards and gets into a full scale slanging match with Wendy – little does he know not to mess with her she’s menopausal and can make me seem like a placid Tibetan monk by comparison.

Tour is actually quite good with good narration and anecdotes, at least when you can hear it. Although Belfast is booming and there is a lot of regeneration I really didn’t realise how divided the city still is. Sadly the peacewall still exists, dividing the two communties, catholics and protestant – yet another one of the many benefits that religions brings to the World. At night the gates are locked and this monstrosity is about 3 times the height of the Berlin wall. What’s even sader is tha in a recent poll 72.5% wanted it to remain. Apparently there’s still violence kicking off daily, even if not on the scale of the past, and yet none of it gets reported in the mainland. It wouldn’t take much for this place to kick off big style and the BREXIT Irish border issue may just be the spark that’s needed. Then all those shiny new, glass fronted buildings will be a real nightmare.

Back to Anna’s for dinner and of course a spot of wine. Then we take a bottle of Proseco to the local beach to watch the sunset. Great end to a great day.

Lazy start to the day.

All head off down to Belfast to see some of the sites on foot.

Start off with a drive past some of the murals, their very impressive. Then it’s the famous market. Wendy and Anna are in their element, but as for Leon and I well less said the better. In Leons case they must have been here so many times, doing their tourist guide stint with friends and family, that they are on first name terms and christmas card lists with all the stallholders. Have lunch in the market.

Then we’re off down to the glass domed shopping centre. Spectacular views from the top of the glass dome, very impressive and it’s free – but they’ll need more than the luck of the Irish for these glass edifices to survive if the troubles kick off again. They’ll truly get to know what the Shard means.

Then we have a grand walking tour. See some more murals. Walk to the famous Crown Pub but it oh so busy we give it a pass. Finally find a typical Irish pub where we can have a seat and try a Guinness. Can you believe it, 68 years old and never had a pint of Guinness. Tried a mouthful about 30 years ago and didn’t like it. Well either my tastes have changed or they’ve improved the taste. Actually really enjoyed it. No doubt I’ll be trying some more.

Not bad for a cripple as I manage 3 miles on my cripple sticks.

Then we just get back to Bangor in time for our dinner reservation. Very pleasant dinner on the coast and then off for a short tour to see the sunset. Back home their’s just time for some wine. A pleasant end to a great day. Belfast is such a nice City, pity there’s still such a divide and it wouldn’t take much for it all to kick off again.

Another lazy morning.

Wendy and I get the joys of a trip to Next and a local Mall.

Then it’s off for a stroll along the beach in Bangor followed by a pleasant lunch out.

Sunday evening we all have a takeaway from the local Asian restaurant. A mixture of Japanese, Chinese and Korean cuisine.

Up early and off up to Bushmills for a tour of the Worlds oldest distillery – 1608 – and of course a no tour would be complete without a tasting. Lash out and buy a bottle of the very tasty and sweet Reddish. Also but some lovely tasting glasses and a shot glass to ensure I don’t drink too much.

Drive up to the Giants Causeway. Another World Heritage site. All looks very organised and obviously a big tourist attraction, but it’s £11.50 and as I’m still on me cripple sticks, we doubt we’ll get the full advantage of it. Give it a pass and save it for another trip. Who nows may pay us to join the National Trust next time we come – yes, there definitely will be a next time.

Drive back down the picturesque coast road. Stop off for an Irish stew lunch at Ballintoy, a picturesque harbour, used as a backdrop in the Game Of Thrones, Iron Island scenes. The coastal drives very picturesque but it takes us a good 3 hours and then we’ve got the drive across Belfast and out to Bangor.

Pick up some tea – an awesome apple and black pudding sausage rolls and sandwiches – from M&S, for tea at Annas. Then it’s off to catch the overnight ferry back to Liverpool. Wendy buys a load of duty free perfume and I splash out on a Litre of Busmills single malt. Prices are very good.

Overnight crossing was very calm and we both got a good nights sleep. But off the ship at 07:00 and then drive home, avoiding Liverpool. How do people cope with this level of crap on the motorways every day. Whatever happened to living close to work. Instead of building more roads why aren’t we incentivising employees and companies to promote working from home?

Well somewhat belatedly here’s my final blog of this adventure.

A crap morning dealing with Axa, trying to get my flight booked. Every time you speak to them it’s a different tale. They either lie or are totally incompetent. Bit like trying to plat fog.

Yet another lazy day in going stir crazy. Want to ban waterboarding, then here’s a physical pain free solution that’s way worse. Not allowed out all day, so start to suffer with cabin fever; add in looking after a 1 and 4 year old all day; add in kids TV all day with Baby Enistein and Peppa Pig running non stop and on an infinite repeating loop; prohibited from going shooting as planned; then because of my retirement commandments I can’t ease the day with, alcohol, sleep or TV. Water board or shoot me – role on 17:00, when I can have some medicine!

When 17:00 finally arrives Fiona helps me down a bottle of Gnarly Head, Zinfandel – she’s definitely a bad influence. To cauterise the mental torture I finish the day with a few High West whiskeys from my collection and then slither up the stairs to bed.

Todays I end up madder than a jihaddy bomber who arrives in paradise to find they’ve run out of virgins as I try to reconcile hospital bills, with the numpties in Intermountain Health accounts department. You need to be a Philadelphia lawyer with a Phd in forensic accountancy to understand their accounting system and statements. It takes three of them over an hour and they still can’t understand their own system. It’s a complete mystery. If you weren’t ill when you started dealing with them, you’ll certainly be in need of major psychiatric care by the end. I finally realise I might as well chalk pentagrams and stroke my toad.

Finally get to go shooting. Wendy had decreed that it was better to go today as she needed me out the way whilst she cleaned up. Enjoyed my last taste of the forbidden fruits with my favourite 9mm Wilson Combat.

Then it’s off to the liquor store to buy some booze to take home – cheaper than duty free and I can get the whiskeys I really want. Buy a bottle of High West Double Rye and Bourye, along with a Basil Hayden.

Rosita rings me back from Intermountain Healthcare, at last someone with a brain, and she has finally figured out whats wrong. They’ve made a posting error of some $300+, plus a smaller error on my PCMR bill and have included a bill from last years incident.

In the evening Bob and Marilyn pick us up and we go out to the free sports club volunteers appreciation dinner at the Dejoria Centre. Pleasant evening with PCMSC leaders. Lovely location but sadly the food seems to consist of charred chicken that was dryer than a dessert cactus skin and would have been great to resole my shoes with; along with congealed pasta and a chocolate browny that you could have used to hammer home 6″ nails in with and probably was a left over from the Easter buffet two weeks ago.

Kurt drove us down to the airport and they flew home.

Swapped our 7 seater Ford Explorer for a top of the range 7 seater accura QX60. Someone had forgot their wallet along with paper driving license. Good old hertz can’t accept an image of driving licence on my iPhone. I wouldn’t mind imy license is over 50 years with no picture. But hey ho, rules is rules, please don’t apply any common sense. Anyway to her credit Mrs Hertz swapped the rental over to Wendy, looked at me on my cripple sticks and said but you won’t be able to drive it, and gave Wendy my upgrade to a premier class vehicle – very swish. Wendy very bravely drove back up to Park City in a snow storm.

Called in at the outlet stores to see a summer dress Wendy had her eye on. Reduced from $50 to $15. In typical female fashion, that has no comprehension of the difference of the words “want” and “need”, she buys 5 of them. Just think she saved me $175. I was chuffed as a credit card in a silk purse!

Rest of the day spent tidying up and finishing packing. At least by Wendy, whilst I sat and contemplated my cripple sticks.

In the evening Bob and Marilyn came round for a farewell dinner. Mexican takeaway from Chubasco’s. Sadly not up to their usual standard. Barbara and Steve popped round to say a fond farewell until next winter, and like the typical good neighbors cleared the 3” of new snow off our porch to save me from breaking my neck. Yes, we finally get some snow today – 3″ not bad – too dam late.

Then an early night after a few easy watching episode of “Still Game” – a poor mans version of “One Foot in the Grave” that needs subtitles on to cope with the Glaswegian accent that you could cut with a cut throat razor.

First class flights for me. Wendy’s consigned to cattle class. I wonder how the poor people are doing?

Tsa are about as bright as a box of rocks. They want to know if I can walk through scanner without my cripple sticks. What do they think they are some latest Armani fashion accessory.

You really do have to worry about the lack of profiling when they think that a 68 year old cripple represents a plausible threat. Meanwhile they’re too busy groping and swabbing me down to sniff for explosives, everything out of my pockets, so Sherlock only knows where they thought I’d have explosives on me, must have thought I had an explosives implant. Meanwhile someone comes through unchallenged

Delta first class not worth the money, no better than premium economy. Food was disgusting. Only consolation is that they had some Woodford Reserve.

Upper class on Virgin is as comfortable as ever. Although at these prices I really don’t expect to be told that they’ve run out of the beef dish – to be fair though, as I kicked off, they credit my account with 8,000 air miles. Come on there’s only 14 of us spoilt passengers. All looked after by two first class flight managers.

I pop back into cattle class to see how the poor people are doing and to show Wendy what are my menu choices for dinner. She keeps sneaking into upper class and gets her breakfast with me to make up for the vile concoctions served in cattle class.

With the exception of the usual senseless TSA ordeal this is certainly the way to travel although $6,000 is a tad too fast a way to fritter away our kids inheritance.

First site after customs in the UK is a black bin liner burka clad wench, perambulating around like a lost Dalek – well could have been a fellla jihadi on his way to claim his just desserts and pummel 70 perpetual black eyed, buxom virgins. The airport is infested with muslims. Quite a culture shock as in 10 weeks in PC I’ve seen just one muslim. Makes us ponder on how many there are in the UK.

Welcome back. Just 6 weeks in the frozen wastelands before we escape back to Park City.

Final thoughts for this trip.

No more skiing this lifetime.

SHIT HAPPENS, SUCK IT UP. There are people a lot worse off.

Wedding anniversary – 47 years. I celebrate it yet again on crutches.

We go up to Deer valley with the kids for a free days skiing. I get the joy of a bottomless coffee cup in Snowpark lodge. Wendy joins me with Beatrix. Helen comes up to joins us as no ones turned up for the Leisure ski. Kids and Jasper are off up the mountain. Jasper manages a few runs on the nursery slope and the dangerous lift – no safety bar. Then he goes up top and does a run down Success. That tires Jasper and Fiona out, while Kurt has a few runs on his own. It’s an awesome bluebird day and despite the warm temperatures and overnight freeze the snow’s in great condition.

In the afternoon Wendy’s at the CC yet again. Kurt takes me up to the hospital for my checkup and final Xray.

Don’t you just love American medicine. They take no risks and put you in for every chargeable item. Final Xray shows no problem – my legs not split open. What amazes me though is that my doctor has never once looked at or groped by knee or leg – not that it would particularly turn me on – but you would think he’d have checked it out rather than just relying on CT scans and Xrays. The other thing that concerns me is that twice I’ve mentioned my concern as to whether my bones are weak or brittle. Then quite by accident I come across the CT scan radiologist report on the pretty pictures disc and see he says I have generalised osteopenia, whatever that is. You’d think the sawbones would have picked up on that. Perhaps he’s never bothered to read that report.

One of the many pluses of American health service is that every X-ray or CT scan they give you a DVD with the pretty pictures on. If you read the CT scan with the available software then you can create several amazing videos with rotating images of your leg. Impressive.

Hal and Carol come around for afternoon tea, as going over to Carols for dinner would mean Beatrix being up too late. Then it’s a quiet night in.

Fiona and I manage to drink some wine.

Kurt takes Jasper up to PCMR for Jasper to have a ski lesson with Hal. He does very well. A few runs down first time and the slalom course to establish that he can turn and stop. Then Hal takes him up Crescent; a full run down Claim jumper; up Silver Load; then a full run down Home run to the basis. He does really well. Fiona doesn’t ski as Wendy’s yet again at the CC all day.

In the evening we all go out for a family anniversary dinner to the Windy Ridge Cafe. Their Macaroni Cheese with White cheddar, mozzarella, smoky bacon, scallion, garlic-herb bread crumbs is to die for. Wendy needs to get the recipe.

Fiona and I manage to drink some wine.

Watching the kids get ready for skiing is painful. It would have been easier to organise a D-Day landing.

Wendy takes the kids up to PCMR so the kids can take Jasper skiing.

I go shooting with Joe. Try a 38 magnum for a change – big bullets. Still prefer Joes 9mm, I can get quite a good grouping with it.

Joe drops me off at PCMR base and I meet the kids in the restaurant as they’ve just finished skiing. They’ve had a few runs down First Time, then the annual family ski race – resurrected from when Kurt was a kid and always won the annual prize, now it’s Jasper’s turn. Surprise, surprise Jasper wins. Then they have a run down Home run by which time Jaspers tired.

When they get back we have the gold medal presentation ceremony for Jasper and he wins a snow globe. He’s really excited and we’re all so proud of him. Those extra lessons in Manchester were worth every penny.

Wendy, Beatrix and I catch the bus home.

Quiet boozy evening in for Wendy and I. Fiona and I manage to drink some wine. Then Fiona and Kurt go out for dinner at the Boneyard. They manage a few drinks but don’t like the look of the pizzas so bring a Dominos pizza home – boring married couple just not used to the luxury of being able to go out together.

It’s raining so the kids decide not to go skiing.

Lazy morning in for me doing some French, whilst they have a walk in the rain to Starbucks – oh how the other half live.

I meanwhile have the usual crap to deal with in trying to get invoices and receipts out of Intermountain hospital. I’ve tried to pay it all off on my credit card so that they don’t get arsed around by Axa, but really start to wonder why I bother. Next on the craplist to deal with is Axa. Why haven’t they contacted me to sort return flights out? Just another one

of the daily helping of crap, incompetence and SNAFU’s I have to deal with. We have Apple software that’s caught the microsoft screw-up virus these days and then you have any major organisation that you have to deal with that is staffed by numpties who can’t even do the single simple task they’ve been given. The rise of the call centre and the demise of customer service.

In the evening we’re off to Fireside dinning to celebrate our anniversary with Bob and Marilyn. Awesome food, help yourself, great choice just end up bloated though. A great dinning experience but I think we prefer the Blue Boar overall – similar price and quality but you don’t get overstuffed.

Kids go skiing and have a great mornings skiing.

It’s a quiet night in so we belatedly celebrate our wedding anniversary with a bottle of Wilson Creek almond flavoured champagne. Even Wendy likes it. That daughter-in-law of mine is definitely a bad influence on my drinking.

Last day skiing as the mountain closes today.

Kids all go skiing, despite the snow, Jasper seems to relish skiing in the snow. Goes down with mouth open, like a whale scooping up, plankton.

Jasper’s really in his element skiing. Goes off like a rocket. Gets off First Time lift and off he ski’s like a rocket, no poles to worry about, so parents have a job to catch up with him. He looks oh so relaxed and enjoys it.

In the afternoon Wendy and I go to an Apres ski party for ski leaders only. Free Margaritas – quite surprised they’re quite pleasant, apparently these are made with beer – along with Brats and burgers. All provided by the sports club as a thank you. Pretty good food and as it’s ski leaders only there’s not too many so it’s quite convivial.

Quiet evening in. Wendy has dinner back home as she’s not enamoured with Brats and Burgers.

Lazy day.

Then in the evening we go out to the Boneyard with friends for a farewell dinner. Then afterwards we all troop round to Bobs for Irish Car Bombs. As Kurt said what are all you old farts behaving like underage teenagers for. Yes, we may be geriatrics but in our minds we’re all teenagers. Actually the car bombs made the Guinness quite palatable. First time I’ve enjoyed Guinness. A great evening and a grand idea to finish off the ski season.

Well that’s it not a mention of Scum…..ers from now on. Photos this week are somewhat limited so I’ve added “Ski Memories” over the years to brighten things up a bit.

Lazy morning again – cabin fever sort of day – chance to catch up on my French. It would be so much easier to have a few drinks, watch TV and nod off to sleep as the mood takes me, but I manage to resist. Wendy’s volunteering at the CC for the morning. Comes home with the usual red cross parcels and an Easter Basket for Jasper and Beatrix.

In the afternoon she takes me to the gun club. My treat. 100 rounds of 9mm in a Glock 34. One hell of a kick, it spits fire and sparks and without safety glasses could easily take an eye out as it spurts out the bullet case. Makes you wonder how anyone in the police, who doesn’t wear glasses, would ever use this without risking being blinded.

Call at the hospital to pick up something for tea with Wendy’s volunteer vouchers. The food there has definitely gone down hill. Not a patch on how good it used to be. But it’s free and still better than NHS hospital food.

Watch the last of Victoria on Amazon Prime. Impressive series. They certainly don’t portrait her as straight laced and frigid like her reputation.

Make a start on “Sneaky Pete” but one strong Dark and Stormy along with a few Bourye whiskeys gets the better of me as we both nod off to sleep. But at least my plan worked, the alcohol helps me sleep at night better than them dam junky tablets that addle your brain. Fortunately this fracture is not really painful but in the middle of the night it can just get a tad uncomfortable.

Wendy’s at the CC all day so I’ve an overdose of cabin fever, French and blogging, I feel like a Dalek whose plan to conquer the world was frustrated by a staircase.

Relief in the evening as we go out for dinner – delicious carnitas – at Bob and Marilyn’s. Also get to meet their kids and new baby.

Try staying awake to watch “Sneaky Pete” afterwards.

Meanwhile Ross is trying to sort their flights to Park City for summer.

Wendy drops me at the gun club for some AR15 time with Joe. Enjoy it but prefer hand gun shooting in the main, especially with Joe’s 9mm Rock Island ROCK ULTRA FS. Feels good and love the sights. Nearly as good as the Wilson Combat.

We pass on the Quiz as we’re going out to dinner and rumour has it that a scumboarder may be joining us. I really don’t think I would be able to restrain myself from some acrid comment.

Off out to the Boneyard for dinner with Joe and Donna. Have a great evening. Donna does a good job on convincing Wendy of the benefits of a Safari. Need to investigate further.

Lazy morning. call at Bob & MArilyns to pick up the baby seat. They’re all such a joy to fit in the car, fortunately we have a top mechanic on the job.

Wendy braves and survives the drive down to the airport to pick the kids up. Their planes about an hour early. Much better for them arriving in the day.

Obviously they’re exhausted but manage to stay up until about 19:00. Kurt’s trying to cough up a rancid dishcloth as a result of some dreaded lurgy he’s infected with.

Kids time clocks are all over the place, so they’re up with the night owls. Beatrix kicks off so Jasper comes and sleeps with us – we need a good kicking. Kurt has a bad cough and tight chest so he’s going to stay in bed. Fiona’s excited and keen to make the most of the amazing facilities here in PC. Yes, she’s all geared up for some lonesome retail therapy down at Tangier Outlets. We have the kids, drop her off and then run a few errands.

Pick Fiona up and then Wendy gets her fix at the supermarket. This is all too much excitement for me.

Wendy and I are off wine tasting for the evening. There’s only 14 of us but it’s a pleasant evening of drinking and socialising with other members of the Newcomers club. Sadly my Zen of Zin Zinfandel didn’t win the blind tasting but glad to say that both Wendy and I rated it as the best. Kids are all in bed when we get back.

I thought I had a rabid hatred of scumboarders but one woman’s F…ing and jeffing hatred of them makes me look like the president of the snowboarders fan club.

If you think skiing is dangerous you should try negotiating your way around lego and toys on the carpet, on a pair of crutches.

Lazy start to the day.

Hot cross buns for breakfast. Memories of hot cross buns on Good Friday, fresh from the bakery in Oakham. Then it’s Easter eggs all round – apart from Wendy – in keeping with family traditions, as a kid, I pig out on a whole Easter egg.

Baby Einstein drives us nuts.

Take the kids up to Deer Valley to see the Easter Bunny. He’s so elusive he doesn’t turn up. Must have disappeared down a rabbit hole. Wendy’s declared war on Deer valley. They advertise this event, none of the staff have a clue about it and then there’s no Easter Bunny. Bloody clueless and the organisational skills of a drunken penguin – laziness and stupidity the parents of disorganisation. Guess they be getting the sharp end of Wendy’s tongue in a email tirade.

Helen and George pick us up to go to the Apres ski up at Red Ledgers. Another lovely house with great views of the Timpanogas.

You can tell it’s nearly the end of the season by the number of cripples hobbling in. 3 of us. I get lumbered talking to one guy, let’s call him superman, given his physical prowess. Yes this guy has enough legendary ski tales to go on stage with his own 3 hour monologue. Just some of his many “achievements” include “No problem skiing with a broken leg as he can ski down the whole mountain on one leg”; “skis and chats – simultaneously – with olympic champions, and at 60 MPH”; “ski instructor”; “ski patroller”; he’s threatened Deer Valley ski patrollers who cross him with “being unemployed tomorrow”; now he’s recovering he’s achieving 60MPH on his trainer bike; you name it he’s done it with bells on and at speed. Fortunately manage to escape his monologue and inflict him on an unsuspecting Wendy.

Helen and George pop in for some quality Jasper time. They’ll be glad to get home for a rest.

Kurt’s still in bed but feeling a tad better.

Beatrix has a a real hissy fit overnight so Wendy takes her downstairs so Fiona can get some much needed sleep. Then it’s a real battle of wills. Plenty of crying but no real tears. Just a 10 minute tirade and a squirming struggle. She – Beatrix that is – finally gives up and nods off.

Lazy start to the day. Kurt’s still poxy, needs a bell round his neck and should wander around shouting “bring out your dead”.

Drop Kurt off at the doctors. Then take Fiona and Jasper up to the PCMR base for them to have a ski on the magic carpet. But it’s not long before Jasper wants to get on First Time lift. Has a few good runs down following in Fiona’s wake. Those ski lessons in Manchester seem to have really paid off, he’s looking quite comfortable on skis, turning and stopping well.

Pick Kurt up complete with a $295 bill for seeing doctor and meds. A tad worrying, diagnosed with a viral chest infection but they give him a prescription for antibiotics – another chink in the wall of antibiotic resistance.

In the evening Bob and Marilyn come round with their kids and grandkids. Papa Murphy’s for tea, some wine and then it’s onto a serious whisky tasting. Now have a full collection of 6 of the High West whiskeys. Two youngest kids get on well as they sit in the corner, under the table playing on their iPads and eating and ice cream cornet.