20151022 – Myrtle Beach; Wot No Alligators; What Goes On After Dark?

 

Another lazy day starts off with an early, well 11:00 is early for us, stroll down the beach.

This beach is lovely, but certainly no South of France topless beach, thank god. There’s that many Walrus’s, if they were topless it would have you fleeing to the nearest monastery and begging for admission for the rest of your days. It really is enough to put you off sex, food, and even wine, for life.

After lunch we actually go down to the beach and sit and read for an hour. May not sound that impressive but we’re not really beach, sand and sea people. First time in 2 years. I can’t believe how many jollux’s there are, must be a mega weight watchers convention.

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Let’s go down to Myrtle Beach. It turns out we’re at Surfside beach. Well thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster we’re not at Myrtle beach – it’s like a poor imitation of Blackpool. Not a whiff of a Starbucks.

It’s too hot to be walking.

Park up, have a hours walk around the boardwalk looking for somewhere for Wendy to have lunch. Give up. Drive down to an area called the Commons. Now this is more like it. No tat; no big wheel; no greasy spoon bars and grills; no amusements; no beach, but who gives a dam. It’s a bit like the up market Disney villages, obviously where all your YUPPIES live. It’s Starbucks land. Even have a shop selling Apple Macs etc.

Lights out for caravaners. We’re confused! From our balcony we overlook this massive beachside caravan pretty full of motor homes, each one BIG enough to have an indoor bowling alley. Yet as soon as it goes dark not a single light can be seen from any of them. Now it’s certainly not through lack of power, these mobile gin palaces have every modern convenience you could conceive of, ranging from air conditioning, electric golf carts to save them from having to walk anywhere, through to power assisted chairs and vibrating beds.

What’s going on after dark? Are they all under the bed covers copulating away like rabbits, I very much doubt it, most of these need one of those under car bomb detection mirrors to even get a glimpse of their genitalia beneath that mountain of adipose tissue they refer to as a belly. Are they afraid of being bombed by ISIS and have air raid wardens checking no lights showing? Do they all belong to some obscure religious sect who believes in being in bed by sunset? Are they all out somewhere partying and wife swapping as soon as it gets dark? Are they all that exhausted from their exertions of sun bathing all day that they’re asleep?

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I’m up at the crack of dawn and off out to go Kayaking in the Cypress Tupelo Swamp / Waccamaw river. Even have to get my own breakfast – what is the World coming to.

Have a great 2 hour kayak tour with Chris and Jane. It’s a group tour, but I’m the only one on it so get the personal treatment. See plenty of birds, including my old friend the Pileated Woodpecker, along with water snakes and turtles, but alas no gators. It’s awesome being out soon the water such great scenery and we’re the only ones out there. When I get back home I really must look into getting a kayak, it’s great fun and so relaxing.

For the afternoon we drive down to George town and have a pleasant stroll along the historic – probably means it’s all of 10 years old – harbour district.

Finally come across a Starbucks on the way back. Not just any Starbucks but one with a Clover machine and the bank account draining reserve coffees. Try a Jamaica Blue Mountain – a guaranteed way to fritter away the kids inheritance. Reckoned to be the best coffee in the World.

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