Author Archives: admin

20170730 – Street Party; Hasa Diga Eebowai; Rodeo

Sunday – hot and sunny.

Another photograph. My 26th smile so far this year.

The Dead Man’s Boots is the #1 selling cocktail at High West Saloon in Park City. An interesting modification is to replace the tequila with Silver Oat Whiskey.
RECIPE:
1.5 oz Rendezvous Rye
1 oz Reposado Tequila
0.5 oz fresh lime juice
0.5 oz sugar cane syrup
1 oz Ginger beer
Combine the first 4 ingredients in mixing glass with ice and shake. Strain into ice-filled Collins glass and top with ginger beer.


This week we’re off to see “The Book Of Mormon” down in Salt Lake – centre of the Mormon universe. Can you believe it that the Mormons allow this. In honour of my total respect for this religion, this episode of my blog will be poking fun at it, and giving the religion of pieces and permanent offence a week off.

Leisurely morning. My day of rest. No having to get up at the crack of sparrows, instead woken by the Sandhill Cranes.

Dunlop Court street party.

In the evening we have our street party with all the neighbours. Although judging by the excuses for not attending it seems that anyone who says they will is at high risk of medical catastrophe. Anyway a pleasant evening, even if I do end up with alcohol poisoning thanks to all those “Dead Mans Boots” and “Dark And Stormy” cocktails. Stagger to bed.

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Nothing much to say on this other than how fortunate we are to be here in paradise, even if the place is infested with super fit health freaks. Despite being geriatrics, so much better than the alternative, we’re still lucky enough to have good health and enjoy most of the activities available. Making the most of it while we’re still able.

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INGREDIENTS IN THE DARK & STORMY COCKTAIL
1 1⁄2 oz Gosling’s Black Seal rum
Ginger beer – so much better with an alcoholic version
Garnish:
Lime wedge
Glass: Collins or Highball
HOW TO MAKE THE DARK & STORMY COCKTAIL
Fill a tall glass with ice, and add the rum.
Top with the ginger beer.
Garnish with a lime wedge.

A Mormon bishop, a Catholic priest, and a TV evangelist were fishing from a boat in the middle of a small lake. The priest realized that he’d left his tackle box in his car, and, not wanting to disturb the other two, got out of the boat and walked over the water to the shore, got his gear, walked back, and started fishing.

An hour or so passed, and the bishop began to feel a little hungry. His lunch was back in his car, though. . . . So, he got out of the boat, walked over the water, got his lunch, came back, and nibbled on his sandwich.

The evangelist, not to be outdone, decided that he’d best go for a walk, too. He mumbled something about going to the bathroom, stood up, stepped over the side of the boat . . . and splashed into the lake.

The priest, chuckling, said to the bishop, “Think we should’ve told him about those submerged rocks?” Said the bishop, “what rocks??”

Monday – hot and sunny.

Wild flowers.

Up early to go on the PCMSC Wild Flower walk in Albion Basin at Alta. They all met at Park City Bagels. I met at Wasatch bagels. Reading and comprehension skills are a wonderful thing. Anyway good job we missed the group as I’m suffering with severe alcohol poisoning so Wendy has to drive. She would rather go over Guardsmen pass than down the interstate.

Miss the group set off but bump into them on the walk – at least I don’t have to sign a waiver.

The flowers are spectacular. Despite Wendy’s whining it was worth it.

Lazy afternoon.
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The Book Of Mormon Comes To South Park To the tune of ‘Hello’

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Some interesting theories on the religion of pieces and permanent offence:

Mecca didn’t exist until several hundred years after mohamed’s death.

No evidence that the Quraysh tribe – mohamed’s tribe – ever existed.

Not a single biography of mohamed date from his time. The most famous and earliest was at least 100 years after his death.

Arabia is portrayed as a pagan wasteland before the time of mohamed. Yet there is strong evidence of thriving Christian and Jewish communities.

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Mary Lake.

Out to scout out my Sunday Leisure bike ride. Just an easy 7 mile ride.

Wendy looks after Angela in the morning.

In the afternoon I set off with Hal and Angela for a 3 hour hike around the lakes at Brighton. May only be 4 mile with about a 1,000 feet elevation gain but it’s a challenge having to scramble up streams, and worst of all down them; over rock avalanches; and down steep inclines. Views are spectacular though. Thankfully we each had two walking poles or I don’t think any or us could have done it. Entertainment and constant narrative, including a the complete “Mirror, Mirror” tale, provided by Angela as she did her performance as a mountain goat without a care in the world.

A pretty exhausting but very enjoyable day yet again here in paradise.

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Wendy’s famous.

A Mormon Bishop got on an elevator on the 10th floor, (he was heading to the lobby) when on the 8th floor a beautiful woman walked in. (they were alone) On the way to the lobby the gorgeous woman hit the stop button. She turned to the Bishop and said: “Can you make me feel like a true woman?” The

Bishop said: “I sure can” and excitedly took off all his clothes, he then threw them in the corner of the elevator. He turned to the woman pointed to the clothes and said: “Now fold them”.

BYU The Dean of Women at BYU was lecturing her students on sexual morality. “We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation,” she said, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?”

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, “Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?”

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/religiousjokes/mormonjokes.html

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Mormon Secrets: What the Missionaries Don’t Tell

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

I’m off to the NAC for kayaking while Wendy’s at the CC.

Gratitude of some people is disgusting. A women gets a free hours stand up paddle boarding, courtesy of the NAC, and all she does is whine, rant and rave because she’s expected to wear a life jacket and a leash. Why should I wear a life jacket one i’m a good swimmer? Why should I wear a leash I never had to wear one when I did it back east. Simple, you have to wear one because that the rules. Really felt like telling the ungrateful wench to take a hike.

Lazy afternoon.

Then in the evening we go out to the Boneyard for dinner with our neighbours Tina and Neil. Pleasant meal and company. Not too badly priced.

Wow I really like that Hennessy Master Blenders Selection number 1, it’s so smooth. Better still in the High West Double Rye, I think I’ll definitely have to take a bottle home.
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Big Cottonwood Canyon.

Mormon Mother A Mormon mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Owen, 5, and Bill, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, “Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.”

Owen turned to his younger brother and said, “Bill, you be Jesus.

100 A elderly Mormon asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I’ve never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around and marry many women?” inquired the doctor. “No, I’ve never done any of those things either.”

“Well then,” said the doctor, “what do you want to live to be a hundred for?”

Thursday – hot and sunny.

What better place to watch this than Salt Lake City – amazing.

Up at the crack of sparrows yet again – some holiday. I’m off kayaking with the sports club. A great couple of hours on the Jordanelle. Really must think about getting a kayak back home. Pity it’s so cold in the UK. Probably need my wetsuit on most times.

Take Wendy to the CC.

In the afternoon it’s archery with the NAC and Angela goes.

Back home after archery, quick change, quick tea with the Schimitts and the we’re all, minus Angela, off down to the Eccles Theatre in Salt Lake to see the Book Of Mormon. Can you imagine that this musical, the most irreverent, piss taking of the Mormon religion you can imagine, and it’s back by popular demand. All credit to the Mormons that they can laugh at themselves and are that confident in their religion that they don’t feel the need to riot or issue death threats.

Some smart marketing by the Mormons in the Book of Mormon musical programme.

The production and set was much better than the London version. Best of all was the audience, they loved it. I’m sure the audience must have been at least 50% Mormon, although no signs of magic underwear. When they sang Salta Laka City, they erupted but best of all when they said “….the Mission President. Oh f.ck him” it nearly brought the house down – this guy had obvious pissed off a lot of people. As for “Hasa Diga Eebowai” – roughly translated as “F.ck You God”, that bought rapturous applause.

A stunning performance and we all thoroughly enjoyed, even me, who hates musicals.

Can you imagine a performance of a new musical called “The Book Of Islam” being performed in Tehran and Mecca. Perhaps it’s time for the UN to take the unprecedented step of commissioning South Park to write such a musical in the hope of desensitising and toughening the skin of the religion of pieces and permanent offence. I live in hope.

The sooner all Muslims convert to Mormons the better place the World will be.

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I really think I have to cancel my subscription to The Times. I purposely try and read a balanced broad sheet, as I know that a click on the Daily Express or Daily Mail will result in blood boiling melt down. But it seems there is so much PC stupidity from our bed wetting, gutless politicians and institutions that it’s time to avoid any news from back home. Much simpler to follow American politics. At least it has the advantage of not affecting me and hence no boiling blood.

Just look at a few of the items of stupidity this week:

  • It appears that unilaterally and without anything in return we’ve given the EU the right to plunder our fishing waters.
  • More examples of fortunes being spent on legal aid for muslim grooming gangs (£1.3 million) and known terrorist who don’t want to be kicked out of the very country they are trying to overthrow. The case of the grooming gang is pretty galling and sickening because, despite the depraved nature of their crimes, the men are trying to exploit Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights – which safeguards the right to family life. The four – who raped, abused and tormented young girls – claim booting them out of the country will harm their families.
  • Muslim entrance to the Miss World contest has been given permission to wear a Kaftan rather than a bikini. Simples if you don’t want to wear a bikini then don’t enter. Why didn’t she go the whole hole hog and ask to wear a full burka or a black bin liner instead.
  • When will we ever get some politicians with some gonads and a skerrick of common sense. The only ones who seem to qualify are Farage and Mogg.

    Friday – hot and sunny.

    Heber City rodeo.

    Lazy start to the day.

    Wendy’s at the CC whilst I go ten pin bowling with the Park City Newcomers. Ride down there on my bike but after a Starbucks it’s a tad late to ride back so I have to cheat and catch the battery bus. Hope those Duracells last.


    Home for a quick change and then we’re off to the Schmitts for a relaxing dinner on the patio before the Weber Rodeo.

    Rodeo was awesome and great fireworks I’ll let the glut of pictures speak for themselves.
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    A anxious soon to be Mormon father spoke frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “No, you idiot!” the man shouted. “This is her husband!”

    One time two LDS missionaries where walking down the street, when they came upon some horse manure. The first missionary said; “That looks like horse manure”. He then reached down and picked some up and said; “Feels like horse manure”. He then tasted some and said; “Taste like horse manure”. The second missionary then said; “Good thing we didn’t step in it.”

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    What is it with American traffic lights. You get the green light, go to turn right and find that yet another American marching band now has a walk now sign and are non-chantly strolling across, with their iPhones strapped to the side of their shrivelled brains. Can they not figure out that it would be safer if pedestrians, even brass marching bands and dozy birds with their iPhones strapped to their lips, had an exclusive time to cross the road.

    Saturday – hot and sunny.

    Really lazy day.

    I scout out a route for my last leisure bike ride, around the maze known as Park Meadows. Will we ever get out of that area once we enter. That’s my exercise for the day.

    After lunch we drive down to Heber to try and get a replacement sun hat for me. The last one broke out in a bad case of prickly heat as the material started to erupt from the head band. Call in at a cowboy super store but no luck as they’re all rock hard. Must be made of fibre glass, a bit like wearing a hollow plate on your head. Wendy spies some cowgirl boots that she’s always yearned for. After trying every pair of size 8’s in the shop at least twice she settles on a pair. They’ll be ideal for shopping at Asda in, just what everyone is wearing under their black bin liner.

    Evening is time to catch up on TV and more Madam Secretary.
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    Banned Mormon carton:

    20170730 – Street Party; Hasa Diga Eebowai; Rodeo


    At least there’s plenty of sex involved.

    20170723 – Goodbye Dot and Barrie; Mary Wilson Concert

    Sunday – hot and sunny.

    Solitude lake.

    Up and out early kayaking with Bill. Those kayak of his are awesome. I need to go on a diet every time just to get in them. They slice through the water with such ease, like a hot knife through butter. But you have to be at one with your kayak to avoid them going tits up from a wave.

    Get back home and we head off down Town. Dot and Wendy are going to the Silly Market, whilst Barrie and I are not so silly and head off to do some whisky tasting at the High West distillery. Try 4 of their famous Bourbons and Rye whiskies – only two at a time thanks to the religious bull shit with Utah drink laws. There that good that I buy a bottle of their Double Rye – smoother than the thigh of Cuban cigar rolling wench.

    Sat at the bar next to two birds who are out on the town. One of them tells me she has a job getting her leg over. I think she was referring to the stool she’s sat on. Then the geriatric lech on the other side of them tells the other one to turn her teeth down (classic American teeth, so bright you need to done a welding mask to look at them) and get her fanny on that stool.

    Then we head up to the No Name Saloon to meet up with Dot and Wendy for some more drinks.
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    We all would like to win the lottery, me included, but workIng with the National Ability Center makes you appreciate you how lucky you are if you have your health and no disabilities. Some of the young kids the NAC work with have autism, some have severe non verbal autism. Makes you realize how lucky you are and how lucky you are to have kids without these issues. It amazes me how the parents of these kids cope.

    The NAC does an absolutely awesome job. Infinite patience and effort to give these kids and anyone with a disability the best experience and to overcome their limitations. Hence National ABILITY Center.

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    I’m in an empty car park. It’s been empty for 2 hours while we did our walk.

    Then just as I start reversing out the equivalent of the Mountain bikers Tour de France appear from nowhere just as I’m trying to reverse out. What is it with this country, the worlds worst place to ever reverse. There’s always a brass marching band or better still a bunch of nubile cheer leaders waiting to cross your blind sided path.

    Monday – hot and sunny.

    We take Dot and Barrie down to SLC airport.

    Then when I get back I try my proposed leisure bike ride from Willow Creek up to the Corner Cafe and back. A tough ride. Uphill most of the way to the Corner Cafe and then downhill back.

    Wendy was at the Christian Center most of the day.
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    Wendy’s latest creation.

    Asked what he would say if he was confronted by God at the pearly gates of heaven, Stephen Fry replied:

    “I’d say, bone cancer in children? What’s that about?

    “How dare you? How dare you create a world to which there is such misery that is not our fault. It’s not right, it’s utterly, utterly evil.

    “Why should I respect a capricious, mean-minded, stupid God who creates a world that is so full of injustice and pain. That’s what I would say. ”

    And for his open minded, right minded, truthful comments he is under investigation by the police in Southern Ireland for blasphemy.

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    Old barn.

    Mr Trump tweeted his hopes for a “new chapter for stronger trade” between the UK and US after Liam Fox, the international trade secretary, visited Washington to meet with trade negotiators.

    “Working on major trade deal with the United Kingdom,” Mr Trump tweeted. “Could be very big & exciting. JOBS! The EU is very protectionist with the US. STOP!”

    The night before he tweeted that: “Our special relationship w/ UK is going to be even better. @USTradeRep & UK’s @LiamFox met today to begin new chapter for stronger trade!”

    Meanwhile back in the U.K. no doubt the PC bedwetters will be doing all they can to fuck up any relationship with Trump, with rants of righteous indignation, boycotts and protest marches.

    Tuesday – hot and sunny.

    A Belthorn day. Grey and rainy.

    I was due to lead a Leisure Hike but what with the rain overnight, creates a mud bath, and the rain in the morning it’s cancelled.

    So, apart from my appointment with fear to have my crown fitted it’s a boring day in. Just like being at home.
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    Innocence of Muslims Full Video 2015

    Wednesday – hot and sunny.

    Old barn.

    NAC kayaking in the morning for me and CC for Wendy.

    After lunch we take a stroll down to the old barn and back. A pleasant walk and we get to see 3 beavers, of the wildlife variety, 1 snake, 1 marmot and red winged blackbird. Loads of beautiful wild flowers.

    In the evening we pass on the Deer Valley concert, too wet, and binge out on more Madam Secretary.
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    More good news, to support my lifestyle choices, from the medical community:

    People who drink three to four times a week are less likely to develop type 2 diabetes than those who never drink, Danish researchers suggest.

    Wine appears to be particularly beneficial, probably as it plays a role in helping to manage blood sugar, the study, published in Diabetologia, says.
    They surveyed more than 70,000 people on their alcohol intake – how much and how often they drank.

    But experts said this wasn’t a “green light” to drink more than recommended.

    Pity about the last sentence.

    Thursday – hot and sunny.

    I go kayaking with PCMSC in the morning, while Wendy looks after Angela and shows her how to knit.

    In the afternoon I take Angela up to the NAC with me for her archery lesson.

    Yet more Madam Secretary.
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    More examples of goldfish for jam jars:

    Wendy taking a breather.

    Vegan campaigners are free to brand British milk production as inhumane after a ruling by the advertising regulator.

    Dairy farmers had argued that an advert stating “humane milk is a myth — don’t buy it” was inaccurate but the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) will clear it in a ruling to be published today.

    The decision is a blow to the dairy industry, which is losing customers as people switch to vegetarian or vegan diets.

    The Vegan Society says that there are more than 540,000 vegans in Britain, up from 150,000 a decade ago. Hard-hitting billboard campaigns warning against consuming milk, eggs and meat have become a common sight on high streets.

    Go Vegan World, the campaign group that placed the anti-milk advert in national newspapers in February, said the ruling vindicated its claim that drinking milk involved cruelty to cattle because they were bred and managed to maximise production.

    If animals aren’t meant to be eaten, why are they made of meat?

    Friday – hot and sunny.

    Any minute now there’s going to be a wardrobe accident.

    Biked down to bowling at Kimble Junction while Wendy went to the CC.

    In the evening we went out to dinner with Carol and Angela at Fuego Italian restaurant. Food was ok but it was noisier than a school canteen. Then we went to see Mary Wilson in concert at the Egyptian Theatre. Now if you’re like me you’ve probably not got a clue as to who the hell she is. Well she was in the Supremes with Diana Ross – 73 years old.

    Well when she started out with her first, slow wailing song, I’m scratting around looking for a razor blade to slit my wrist with. Fortunately after that she got into her Supremes numbers and the rest was a great performance. Interesting costume on the last section, just waiting for a wardrobe accident as a big pair of boobs are bobbing around looking for a way out.

    Meanwhile for my added entertainment I have a blond bimbo trophy wife sat in front of me, with her blond locks gyrating around like a plastic nodding head car dog with saint Vitas dance.

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    Whilst I appreciate that getting old is so much better than the alternative, it does have some serious drawbacks such as:

      Don’t think Angela’s too impressed.

      Whilst you’ve still the mind of a 16 year old your body just struggles to keep up.

      It can be depressing as you’re mainly mixing with other geriatrics rather than young people.

      But most depressing of all must be that most of these geriatrics wear shirts tucked into their trousers or worse still their shorts.

      Then we have the reminder of how much worse it can get as we Watch an old couple struggle walking and carrying their shopping in.

    As my mate Bill says. “You have to keep at it. Don’t step down the ladder as you’ll never get back up”. So I’m going to cycle down to Kimble Junction and back rather than go in the car.

    Saturday – hot and sunny.

    Beaver of the wild life kind.

    Lead a leisure bike ride from Willow Creek up to the Corner Cafe and back. Pretty grueling as I have to ride down to Willow Creek, do the bike ride and then ride home back from Willow Creek. Nothing but hills and I’m like a knackered donkey by the end of it.

    Lazy afternoon to recuperate.

    Meanwhile Wendy needs to ring Park City Lodging to ask them to come and do a bush trim. It’s grown that big we struggle to get out the back way.
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