20170410 – Goodbye To Paradise; Back In 6 Weeks; First Class Flights Again

Monday – cool and sunny.

Another lazy day as I hobble around on my crutches.

Wendy starts the big clean up. I sort boots and get my skis all tucked up in the ski locker ready for next year.

Well it looks like we’ll miss this years Pond skimming at Park City:

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For the avoidance of any doubt even that hot bed of bedwetting liberal wankers, the European Court oF Human Rights, sees Sharia law as a threat to democracy:

ECHR Judgement Summary: “sharia law is incompatible with democracy and human rights”
Source: “Annual Report 2003 of the European Court of Human Rights, Council of Europe.

Given that the stated aim of muslims is the adoption of Sharia law worldwide it must therefore follow that Islam is incompatible with democracy and therefore a threat to our democratic way of life.

Smell the coffee before it’s too late. If in doubt go read the Quran.

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Political Correctness – the beginning of the end

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Lazy day again. Wendy’s still tidying up. She’s volunteering at the hospital in the morning.

High ho, High ho off to work she goes.

I’m off via Uber to a PCMSC summer activities co-ordinators meeting. I’m co-ordinating a new activity the clubs trying to introduce of leisure bike rides. Good meeting with all the co-ordinaters at Chucks house. Most of them are old hands at this and know one another, I’m the new kid on the block. Free beer, wine and enough pizza to feed the cast of Ben Hur, makes it a very pleasant meeting. Good news is my Percocet seems to be ok with moderate alcohol. I’m resisting swilling the tablets down with wine.

I was planning on leading at least one Leisure bike rides week as well as co-ordinating – leading by example, also leading one Leisure hike a week. Hopefully I’ll be fully recovered and fit enough by June as I was really looking forward to it. If not then I’ll just have to focus on co-ordinating from my sun lounger. Also trying to set up an Archery activity for the club.

Meanwhile Carol and Angela call round to say goodbye.

Then it’s a lazy evening watching TV.

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

CT Scan of my hips. Enough to give anyone nightmares.

Another lazy day chasing up the insurance company to see whether they can get us on the SLC to Las Vegas and then Virgin upper class to Manchester. They’re a nightmare to deal with. Never ring back as promised. End up going with a Friday flight the 1st class flight to Atlanta and then business class to Manchester – no 1st class on that route so we’ll have to slum it. Gives an extra day to pack etc and enjoy the sunshine on our balcony.

Neighbours bring round corn bread cakes for the cripple, delicious – it’s an American thing.

Moose on main:

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Brits on the (tight-fisted) Scots:
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are planning a party. “I’ll bring six pints of bitter,” says the Englishman. “I’ll bring six pints of Guinness,” says the Irishman. “I’ll bring six friends,” says the Scot.

The Belgians on the (parsimonious) Dutch:
Dutch husband to Dutch wife: “Put your coat on, dear.” “Why, darling, are we going out?” “No, I am. So I’ll just turn the heating off.”
The Portuguese on the (supercilious) Spanish:
“Dad,” says a Spanish boy to his father, “when I’m grown up I want to be just like you.” “That’s nice, son. Why?” “So I can have a son like me!”

The Italians on themselves:
Three reasons Jesus is an Italian: only an Italian son would live with his mama till he was 30. Only an Italian son could think his mama was still a virgin. Only an Italian mama could think her son was God.

The Belgians on the (arrogant) French:
Why did the French choose the cockerel as their national symbol? Because it’s the only animal that sings when it’s knee-deep in shit.

The Swedes on the (dim-witted) Norwegians:
Why do Norwegians have such greasy hair? They’ve let their oil go to their heads.

The Danes on the (overbearing) Swedes:
What’s the best ever thing to have come to us from Sweden? An empty ferry.

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What a load of Dhimis we’ve become:

Sainsbury’s and Asda won’t stock Christian Easter egg – but they DO put halal ones on their shelves
* Sainsbury’s and Asda have both refused to stock the Real Easter Egg 
* The egg features a booklet that explains the significance of Easter to Christians
* But both stock a halal Easter egg made by the Belgium firm Guylian
* Supermarkets have been accused of ‘whitewashing’ Christianity from Easter

Wake up before it’s too late.

Thursday – hot and sunny.

Leisurely morning packing. As we have lockable cupboard space we have the luxury of being able to leave all our winter clothes, ski gear, skis, mountain bike and foodstuffs. Amazing that suitcase was still pretty full.

First class travel SLC to Atlanta – on Friday.

Helen and George pick us up at lunch time and we go to the Mexican in Midway for lunch. We’ve heard a lot about it and have to say it’s pretty good. Then we’re off on a tour of camp sites in Heber and Jordanelle. What a gorgeous day it is and so much more fun than another day of cabin fever.

Back home for afternoon tea on the balcony in the glorious sunshine.

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Drinking Wine Exercises Your Brain More Than Doing Math, Says the Smartest Scientist Ever

Skip the calculus and pick up a glass of Malbec instead.

Yes even I get a drink.

Our brains need constant exercise to stay in tip-top shape (and no, trying to guess which Housewives will get caught up in the latest catfight doesn’t count). Crossword puzzles and Sudoku are all well and good, but a new book says that enjoying a glass of wine engages our brains even more than activities like solving math problems or listening to music.

In his new book, Neuroenology: How the Brain Creates the Taste of Wine, author Gordon Shepherd, a neuroscientist at Yale University, states that the flavor of wine “engages more of our brain than any other human behavior,” according to an NPR article. When we sip a glass of wine, thousands of taste and odor receptors are stimulated in our mouths, which triggers brain activity involving “pattern recognition, memory, value judgment, emotion, and of course, pleasure,” says the article.

And sipping wine is key; gulping it down doesn’t have the same effects. “If you take too large a sip, you’ve saturated your system,” Shepherd says.
So sniffing, sipping, and enjoying your glass of Merlot is the way to get a good brain workout in. Sounds like the best exercise ever.

Music to my taste buds. Break open another Zinfandel.

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EU Jokes – A fertile source
The Ukrainians on the (filthy rich but stupid) Russians:

“I’ve just bought a tie for $3,000.” “Idiot! You could have bought the same one just down the street for $5,000.”

The Macedonians on the (corrupt) Greeks:
A Greek motorist parks his car outside the parliament in Athens. “You can’t park here,” says the cop. “This is where our politicians work.” “That’s OK,” says the motorist. “It’s fitted with an alarm.”

Portugal On Spanish people
– How do you recognize a Spaniard in a library?
– He is the only one to look after a world map of Madrid ”
The jokes of Spanish people about Portuguese couldn’t remain unanswered. There is in Portugal a prolonged feeling towards the peninsular neighbor considered as an upstart and uppity “big brother.” Quite a few Portuguese have the satisfaction knowing that there are almost as many speakers of Portuguese as Spanish. But when it is about jokes, Portuguese people don’t mince their words and depict Spaniards as proud, arrogant and disdainful (Read more in French).

France – Luxembourg On Belgian people
Two Belgians are driving a truck and arrive at a bridge with a warning sign: maximum height 4 meters. They get off and measure their truck. It’s 6 meters high.
– What shall we do? asks the one.
– I don’t see any police, says the other one, so let’s drive on
The French always depict the Belgians as stupid people with strange accent and outdated words. The current version of “belgian joke” appeared in France after the Second World War, and has remained quite popular. One may find its origin at the time when Belgians came in great numbers in the North of France to work in factories and were assimilated as “strikebreaker” by local workers. It could be much older, as we find the French poet Charles Baudelaire writing in 1864: “All the Belgians, without exception, have empty cranium” (Read more in French).

Belgium On French people 
– Why do we say ‘going to the toilets’ in France and ‘going to the toilet’ in Belgium ?
– Because in France, you have to visit many of them before finding one clean enough.
Belgians soon started to answer back to their French neighbors, depicting them as rude, arrogant and with a superiority complex. The “arrogant Frenchman” stereotype was also fed by Charles De Gaulle, who both during World War II and later as President (1958-1969) expressed a very non-cooperative and independent view on world politics. Belgians sometimes make jokes such as the one above about the supposed lack of hygiene of French people (Read more in French).

On Dutch people
– Why do the Dutch people love the Belgian-jokes so much?
– They are cheap.
Belgian jokes about the Dutch generally refer to the Dutch stinginess. The Belgians can further amuse themselves laughing about each Dutch person owning a cheese slicer and a bicycle, two tools that also exist in Belgium but are far less common here than they are in The Netherlands (Read more in French).

United-Kingdom On Irish people
“Then there was the cross-eyed Irish teacher who resigned because he had no control over his pupils.”
Irish jokes have sinister origins. They originate in the simian portrayal of Irish people in English comic magazines of the mid-late 19th century – depicting the Irish as stupid apes given to agrarian and alcohol-fuelled violence against their benevolent and tolerant English masters. The Irish joke seems nevertheless to have survived the era of political correctness and has become nowadays much a kind of teasing between neighbors (Read more in French).

On British people 
– What does an Englishman do for thrills?
– Eats an After Eight mint at 7:30.
Irish jokes have recently been reclaimed by Irish people themselves and reversed to ridicule the Englishmen and their jokes. There is sometimes a debate to discuss whether Irish jokes made by Englishmen were racist or not. But the shift in humor between both countries seems to have changed in nature (Read more in French).

Friday – hot and sunny.

Business class flight to Manchester – at least they have Champagne.

We’ve been upgraded to First class. Courtesy of my fractured hip and our new Amex travel insurance. Question is will I ever get travel insurance again with my track record?

All very civilised. Some say I have a break each year just to avoid cattle class.

Delta lounge is very comfortable and a good choice of food and drinks. Access criteria for Delta airport lounge seems to be have a big gut or giant boobs that stops you seeing your genitalia.

But don’t I just love the customer first service where they announce boarding, even send you a text, and then when you get to the gate you have to hang around for another 10 minutes. All for their convenience. Has it never occurred to them that customers get wise to it and therefore ignore boarding calls – result.

Delta Business class cabin.

First class and no champagne, no brandy, well perhaps they can turn some water into wine then I can sin and drink during the day. You do get a hot meal with proper cutlery, including a knife – obvious no Islamic terrorist would ever pay these prices.

Roomy seats but you can’t stretch legs out horizontally. As for the toilet. Well anyone joining the mile high club in that must be Cirque de Solei contortionist as well as a horny devil. Certainly not worth the money.

Typical married mans interrogation by her in doors.

Wendy: Did YOU turn the heating up at home?
Tony: No.
Wendy: Why didn’t YOU?
Tony: I forgot. Why didn’t YOU turn it up?

Pretty impressive cabin layout. Very similar layout and service to Virgin Upper class. Continental quilts and soft pillows but alas no jim jams. Mind you virgin, only a shadow of its former self, no longer has personal chef or on board masseur.
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The Estonians on the (hard-drinking) Finns:
Two Finns meet up for the first time in years. “So how are you?” asks Pekka. Ahti grunts and orders a beer. “And how’s the family?” asks Pekka. Ahti grunts and orders another beer. “And how’s work?” asks Pekka, three pints later. “Look,” says Ahti, “did we come here to drink, or to talk?”

On the runway.

The Germans on the (thieving) Poles:
When is it Christmas in Poland? Two days after Christmas in Germany.

The Swiss on the (not very bright) Austrians:
Why is the Austrian flag red-white-red? So they don’t get too confused when they hoist it.

The Austrians on the (boring) Germans:
The main difference between Austrians and the Germans is that Germans would like to understand Austrians but can’t, and Austrians understand Germans but would rather not.

The Slovaks on the (despised) Czechs:
What does a Czech need to be happy? Not much, as long as everyone else has got less.

The Romanians on the (mean-spirited) Hungarians:
“I’ve had all the tests, and the doctor tells me there’s no question, I’m xenophobic. That’s another bloody illness the Hungarians have given me.”

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It’s not a war on terror. Terror is a tactic, is like saying a war on bombs. It focuses on the tool of the enemy and not the enemy itself. Islamic Extremists are at war with us. And it’s not racist or Islamophobic to recognise that they are at war with us, rather it’s being realistic. The sooner our politicians and the do gooder bed wetting liberals realise it the better.

Saturday – hot and sunny.


Best nights sleep since I broke my hip. You can play for hours on these bed / seats, adjusting pitch, angle, firmness. Bugger sleeping tablets. In future for a good nights sleep try a concoction of champagne, red wine, cocktail and brandy. Works like a dream. Wendy’s not so happy too much noise from the spring clean going on in the kitchen. Marvellous, she has a bed, continental quilt, pillow and luxury and she complains.

Flight arrives early and then we have to wait on tarmac because our gates not ready. Bloody marvellous service isn’t it. When we set off they knew to within the minute what time we’d arrive in Manchester and yet they can’t have a gate ready. Great customer service yet again.

No queuing at immigration, straight to the front of the cripples queue.

Home sweet home. Freezing cold but it’s home. Two fan heaters and we’re sorted as central heating takes as long as climate change to heat the house up to inhabitable levels.

Manage to stay awake until 20:00.
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Pat Condell on Angry losers:

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Greatest George Carlin Quotes

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.

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