20151101 – Seabrook Island; Is That Really A Rattler? Charleston The South Carolina One

Sunday – hot and sunny.

 

Lounge.

Lounge.

Settled into our Home Exchange for the next two weeks here at Seabrook Island. It’s a lovely one bedroom condo looking out onto the marshes and river, complete with car – big SUV, we can live in it if need be – fly proof balcony, bikes and two kayaks. All mod cons (with the exception of a kettle – a rare piece of high tech in most American homes), very comfortable and we instantly feel at home. To top it all off it has 35Mbps Internet to calm the rants of a nerd constantly battling with technology and web sites that are about as effective as a screen door on a submarine.

Our balcony

Our balcony

Take the Hertz mobile back to the airport. Classic isn’t it, I’m in the tank and Wendy’s following. Get to the Hertz return and big sign “No Personal cars”. What they expect me to go and park up in the car park 2 miles away and Wendy to then walk to it after she’s dropped the car off. Get a friggin grip, this is America, land of the wobbling jollux, nobody but nobody walks. Who the hell pays their wages – yes it’s me the guy who keeps having the delusion he’s a customer.

Drive down to Charleston. What a lovely city. They have streets with shops in, how unusual. Not just homogenous multi- national chains either, but individual shops with some character. All very pleasant, but best of all they have an Apple store and it has a little black box with my name on it. I pre-ordered the Apple TV for in-store pick up, as usual all very efficient. Like a kid with a new toy to play with.

Kitchen.

Kitchen.

Surprisingly busy for a downtown on a Sunday. Oh so nice to see a vibrant downtown rather than a charity shop ghost town created via some giant plastic out of town mall.

My it is hot and oh so humid you could beat the water out of the air with a boat paddle. End up wetter than a water hogs backside. Summer here must be more humid and hotter than hell and half of Georgia.

Good visitors centre.


Rant of the day
Bedroom leads onto balcony.

Bedroom leads onto balcony.

Has anyone noticed the rise of the exelator hand dryers in toilets. You know those hand dryers which force out a blast of supersonic air that knocks you off your feet and requires you to wear ear defenders before operating. They’re louder than sticking your head up the exhaust of Concords jet engine. Now in the land where you can sue for coffee cups not carrying a danger warning, and microwaves ovens not explicitly warning you not to dry your poodle, I’m thinking of going for a class action for damages to my hearing.

 

Monday – cloudy, very humid and hot.

 

"Are we there yet?"

“Are we there yet?”

Off for a bike ride around the Island.

We’ve got bikes with the home exchange and whilst not wanting to sound un appreciative they lack brakes and gears. To stop you have to back peddle. No gears is not an issue as the Islands very flat, but no brakes makes them a H&S nightmare. I suppose their only saving grace is that they have fewer parts to go wrong.

As usual Wendy whining like a two year old. “You never told me it was this far”. “Are we there yet”?

Poor wee thing nearly got run over. I think it's a Pigmy  Rattlesnake, but can't be sure as its label had dropped off. Certainly stood its ground, showed me his dentures and tried to rattle its tail.

Poor wee thing nearly got run over. I think it’s a Pigmy Rattlesnake, but can’t be sure as its label had dropped off. Certainly stood its ground, showed me his dentures and tried to rattle its tail.

We finally get to the Beach House with my ears ringing from the whinging tirade, and the whining increases to a crescendo of vitriol when we find it’s closed for the season so no drinks. All my fault of course.

Wendy just about survives.

Have some lunch and then drive down to the Island shops – yes these are open. Have a wander around some pleasant but very expensive shops selling all the usual tat you need for up market Island living. Everything from Martini glasses to kayaks and Starbucks coffee to star fruits.


Rant of the day
Sadly too many aspect of this are too true:

To say nothing of the £13,000,000,000 (Yes, that’t the correct number of zeroes) we give away in foreign aid to corrupt states; rogue states who support terrorism; countries who hate us; countries with nuclear weapons and countries with space programmes.


 

Tuesday – cloudy, humid and lots of rain – a frog strangler.

 

Great Gym at the Lakehouse club.

Great Gym at the Lakehouse club.

It’s raining and in for the day so we hunker down.

Off to the gym at Seabrook Lakehouse. Membership comes free with our home exchange. Great gym and good sized indoor laps pool.

It’s good to know that female intellectual stimulation and high standards of literacy is ubiquitous in America, as evidenced by the lady on the walking machine, who was avidly reading some supermarket flyer full of special offer adverts.


Rant of the day

Lakehouse club.

Lakehouse club.

Today’s stupidity of the day award goes to the designers of the 2005 Chevrolet Tahoe, the tank I’m driving around in. The numbskulls in the BBC iPlayer software team can relax, have a day off. It seems the Chevy designers have created the ultimate toe breaker in the form of their foot brake which when released springs up like a blacksmiths hammer at the speed of sound and can break any bones within range. For this innovation in stupidity they receive “The 2015 Broken Toe Award” – fortunately toes not broken.


 

Wednesday – cloudy, humid and hot.

 

Only in America. It's a wonder you don't have to sign a waiver if you go near.

Only in America. It’s a wonder you don’t have to sign a waiver if you go near.

Set off down to Charleston. Catch the free trolley bus to riverfront. Have a walk back and after inspecting many prospects for lunch settle on Starbucks once again. See a lovely Elephant Ear Sweetgrass bowl, similar to the one in the condo, all for $250. Tempting, a tad pricey but they are rather magnificent and 80 hours work.

Then we drive down to Mount Pleasant for a look around. See some more Sweetgrass bowls.

Wendy is now a Fitbit as I treat her to the Fitbit HR. I think she’s going to start training for a marathon.

Gym is open in the evening so I have a quick trip to the gym before me tea. Finish the day off with a drop of red.


My sorry sense of humour

Dave Allen on airplanes:

What an awesome comedian from the past.


Rant of the day

Charleston

Charleston

No need to read the daily blood boiler (daily mail) for today’s political dhimmi multicultural lunacy, even the thunderer (the times) has me blood evaporating from my ears. Yet more Barbaric ancient dietary practices dictating 21st century British meat production.

Millions of chickens will suffer painful deaths because ministers want to protect “religious freedoms” for Muslims and Jews.

The government is refusing to introduce a more reliable method of stunning the animals before they are killed, according to vets. Rules coming into force in England tomorrow could result in birds remaining conscious and able to feel pain after being dipped in an electrical water bath.

Simple if you don’t like the way we do things then leave.


Religious rant of the day

Charleston old courthouse.

Charleston old courthouse.

Well I’ve read the Koran, two autobiographies of Mohammed and a BBC series on his life. Know thine enemy. Why, because I truly fear for this country and my grandchildren. Make no mistake about it this barbaric ideology wants total World domination. Forget good Muslims, of course they exist, but their voices will be drowned out with the fear of apostasy. It’s simple Islam wants World domination, the Caliphate and sharia law everywhere.

Charleston harbour area.

Charleston harbour area.

The Koran seems to be the most incoherent, rambling, hate ridden, inconsistent fairly tale ever. I’m sure if anyone wrote that in this day and age they’d be tried for hate speech, but would certainly get off on the grounds of insanity. If this is the unadulterated word of a supreme bogey man in the sky then how come it contradicts itself in so many place. How come it is so unclear that so called religious scholars committee blasphemy by trying to interpret it. Surely a supreme being would be capable of setting down his words clearly, with no need for interpretation or possibility of misunderstanding, and that would stand for all time. Look at the 10 commandments.

She's now a fitbit.

She’s now a fitbit.

Then we come onto Mohammed. Judging by the 3 sources I’ve used you’d think they were 3 different individuals, or more likely he was a big time schizophrenic – all 3 of him. Contradictions abound. In later life he seems to have manipulated revelations to his own more barbaric ends. The religion even has a way of dealing with these contradictions. It’s called abrogation, as set out in the Koran. If in doubt his later pronouncements – more evil and barbaric – override his earlier revelations.

So this supreme bogey man in the sky is so supreme that his memory is that bad he can’t remember what he’s said, and even contradicts himself – I rest my case.

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