20130830 – Exploring The Villages of France

Friday – Very hot and sunny.

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Lazy morning. Afternoon we take a bike ride to the next village, Barroux. Alas there’s not even a bar or restaurant there to get a coffee. Too hot to be cycling.

In the evening we have a soiree on our patio with some fellow campers – Bob and Sue – and By the billy en meyt a superb bottle of Montage St Emilion. Sadly so superb I just had to drink it all in case it went off. Lovely to be able to sit out until 20:00.

Happy Bowl. Now what can they be? Can you credit it, they’re RV toilet bowl liners. But not just any old liners they’re also biodegradable. Designed in California and of course made in China. Goldfish for jam jars!

Why did Disneyland Paris experience some difficulties at the beginning? Because every night, after the fireworks, the French would surrender.

Why do the French say “to go to the toilets” whereas the Belgian (the French speaking ones) say “to go to the toilet”? Because in France, you need to try 4 or 5 to find a clean one.

After God created France, he thought it was the most beautiful country in the world. People were going to get jealous, so, to make things fair, he decided to create the French.

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Who said it – “Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because, if there be one, he must more approve the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear”? Answer Thomas Jefferson – August 10th 1787. Quite surprising how many of the founding Fathers would appear to be atheists or at best agnostic. They’d never get away with it in America today.

 More apologist explanations – Koran 5:33 informs us that “The punishment of those who wage war against Allah and His messenger and strive to make mischief in the land is only this, that they should be murdered or crucified or their hands and their feet should be cut off on opposite sides or they should be imprisoned; this shall be as a disgrace for them in this world, and in the hereafter they shall have a grievous chastisement.” Admittedly, this is hard verse to fathom; however, as is often the Prophet’s wont, he is not targeting body parts but engaging in graphic allegory to impress upon both believers and unbelievers the self-torture they will feel, smitten by their higher selves, should they curse the Almighty.

Pull the other leg it’s got bells on!

Saturday – hot, sun and clouds.

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Looks, well feels, like I’ve pulled a muscle in me back lifting that superb bottle of St Emlion last night. Hobbling around like a 90 year old who’s lost his zimmer frame.

Lazy morning sorting WiFI. Finally cracked it. Set up my DLink DIR-505 Mobile companion as a hot spot and leave it on the table outside where we get good reception. Now get great reception inside the caravan and all my devices can link to it instead of needing 1 access per MAC address – Technology ain’t it wonderful

Just 30 days and counting to 40Mbps at home when BT install their new fibre broadband. Exciting stuff. Enough to make me want  to come home.

Just 9 days to the Apple launch event. 

After lunch we have a drive out to Moncontour. Do the “Sentier de Lavouir” – the path of the washers. Place is famous for its medieval equivalent of today Bendix washing machines. Stones by the river. Sadly nowhere open for coffee.

Call in at supermarket to relieve the French of a few more bottles of the superb Montage St Emilion – only E4.75. Followed by bread and cheese for dinner.

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Watch the last of Dallas. That was a short season only 3 DVD’s and the ancient JR really does look like the devil incarnate. Oh well have to make a start on the Sopranos, I think there’s 27 DVD’s to go at.

More PC terminology

Failure – Replaced by Deferred Success. I just love this one.

Fairy – Homophobic. Replaced by Petite airborne humanoid which possesses magical powers. The term fairy should be avoided when discussing these mythical beings, regardless of how gay they may appear.

Fat – Replaced by Enlarged physical condition caused by a completely natural genetically-induced hormone imbalance. Of course, this is very difficult to say in one breath– so people will find it easier to not say it at all. The term “fat” is simply too short and to direct. It all too clearly points out that the reason that an obese person’s skin appears so swollen is because it is being buttressed by large amounts of… well… Fat.

Why would anyone want to go to a country that has it’s head up it’s arse and is controlled by Sharia law gifted to the World by the so called “Religion of Peace”?

Norwegian woman who reported being raped in Dubai is jailed for 16 months
Norwegian woman, 25, was in Dubai on a business trip
She was raped and reported the incident to the police
At the station, police took her passport and jailed her
She will now serve 16 months for illicit sex outside marriage

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More apologist explanations – When Allah warns in Koran 3:56, with regard to those who reject the faith, “I will punish them with terrible agony,” the supreme Lord does not propose insupportable physical torment but, rather, the moral suffering that comes from the recognition of apostasy or denial, which can only strengthen the fibre of a mortified conscience.

Well I’ll go to foot of our stairs. How wrong can us Dhimmi’s be.

Sunday – hot, sunny and a tad windy which makes it very tolerable.

Lazy morning. Highlight of the day is taking the washing and rubbish out. Really nice to read a book; read the Times; do the crossword; plan our week ahead.

Don’t the bloody dimwits who create password access drive you nuts. Firstly they have the arrogance to dictate how long / complex it has to be and half the time it’s only protecting half of thrupence. Then they start adding inane security questions like “what was your favourite first ……….”. Don’t they realise that half the people accessing that site can’t even remember what they had for breakfast or even the name of their favourite TV programme yesterday, never mind a favourite from 50 years ago. Then you have the ultimate madness, from the behemoths of intellect at Apple, who need both a password and one piece of info from your registered credit card just to download a FREE app. 

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So Britains done the democratic thing and had a vote on Syrian Intervention; now Obama’s waiting 9 days and then following suit; but fear not the French are still resolute. Someone’s told them they’ve found truffles in Syria.

How do the French kill themselves? They shoot 15 centimeters above their heads, right in their superiority complex 

What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages? -trilingual. What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages? -bilingual. What do you call someone who speaks 1 language? -French

 And yet more – In Bukhari 52:177, we read that “the Hour [of Resurrection] will not be established until you fight with the Jews.” This admonition obviously has nothing to do with anti-Semitism; the idea is to engage in playful sparring and amiable argumentation with Jews in order to reveal the high spirits, good humor and self-deprecating modesty of Islam, thus impressing the initially skeptical Jews with the genial nature and friendly feelings inherent in the faith.

I just love that “playful sparring”. Perhaps that’s how they’d describe 9/11. At least they’re not rambling on about rocks shouting out that there’s a Jew hiding behind it. Goldfish for Jam Jars.

Monday – hot and sunny.

Well the family from hell and all the rug rats have left Little Britain and now we’re being invaded by us silver surfers. Our next door neighbours cleary a bit ten punch shilling, he’s just started putting his Christmas Petite airborne humanoid lights up.

Then we have the extended family with every imaginable device, awning, gazebo etc. You name it they have it. Even down to an hilarious bike rack for 4 bikes. Why hilarious well if there’s only one bike at one end the whole thing, along with remaining bike, falls over – hilarious and what counts as entertainment here.

We take a short drive out to Moncontour and do the walk of the plants. Fairly pleasant riverside walk but alas nowhere to even have a coffee.

In the evening it’s drinks on our neighbours patio putting the World, well UK, to rights.

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Just 8 days to Apple announcement and 28 days to Broadband sanity.

I was stood at the airport International Arrivals gate holding up my sign, when security approached and asked me to leave. “Why am I being singled out?” I asked, motioning to the other people waiting there. “Why? Because none of them has a sign saying ‘Fuck off back to your own country’. That’s why.”

More PC replacements:

Founding Fathers – Too Sexist. Instead, use the term The Founders. We wouldn’t want to exclude all those great female leaders of 18th century America would we? 

Garbage Man – Replaced by Sanitation Engineer – A Garbage Man picks up garbage. A Sanitation Engineer engineers it.

Ghetto – Replaced by Economically disadvantaged area. This term is used by politicians who believe money from the Government would solve their problems. (See : State-Socialism)

More crap defences – Koran 18:65-81 is often taken to condone honor killing, since what appears to be the senseless murder of a young man is only meant to spare his parents the trauma of his imminent misdeeds and to prepare the way for a successor. Of course, one knows that killing is frowned upon in Muslim culture, and this apparent killing of the young man is nothing but the symbolic correlate of expunging his “disobedience” and mischief-making and replacing his wayward sensibility with contrition and the promise of rehabilitation.

These guys should have been lawyers. They’d even have got Hitler off.

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Someats up, there’s nothing much to complain about these days. How will I ever qualify for the 2013 Victor award. Well there is just one minor irritation with France, the other thousands are all major. Milk. Yes plain simple milk. How come you can only get that plastic tasting UHT sterilised crud. Proper milk, no chance. And yet we’re here in the land of milk lakes and butter mountains. Mini rant over.

Who said it? “….mainstream Britain which needs to integrate more with the British Asian way of life, not the other way around.” Answer in tomorrows blog. you’ll be amazed and disgusted. Well I was.

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