20130824 – French Markets, Cat Burning And Of Course That Religion Of Peace

Saturday – cool and cloudy.

Saunter into town to the DIY shop for some wood and then gets the highlight of the week with the Airvault market. All of 11 stalls – excitement.

Nearly get decapitated by the low flying road sign. Obviously not a problem to the short arsed French (sorry vertically challenged).

Lazy afternoon.

4 days of abstinence and I finally weaken to a St Emillion Grand Cru.

At last we settle down to watch our Dallas DVD. Where’s Mandy Winger?

Discrimination against Muslims is racism. Discrimination by Muslims against others is religion.

Question: What English word has no equivalent in the French language?
Answer: Gratitude

NEWS FLASH: The French Open tennis tournament had to be cancelled. France has plenty of rackets, but no balls. 

A man askes his companion, “What’s the most common French expression”? His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, “I give up!”

I DON’T BELIEVE IT. Wind farms have received payments of £19 million not to generate 215 gigawatt hours — enough electricity to supply nearly 50,000 households for a year.

This is equivalent to three 30-megawatt wind farms, costing about £90 million to build, standing idle since the beginning of the year. 

The company blamed very windy weather over the summer for the large amount of potential electricity going to waste. Last weekend alone, £3.9 million was paid to wind farms not to generate.

And still we rush to build more subsidised (with our money) wind farms. Are’t you glad the clowns have a sensible energy policy. Pots for rags.

Sunday – rainy in the morning, hot and sunny afternoon and evening.

Great opportunity to character assassinate other campers.

The Copy Cat Couples – they do everything together. He cleans his car the other cleans his car, she messes with awning the other does, he cooks the other cooks, one parks the car at an angle the other mirrors it and they both ignore everyone else on the campsite in complete unison – totally wrapped up in their little world. It’s like watching synchronised swimming on land – hilarious! On the plus side Wendy says the men clean properly “not like you”.

The Walrus and Wimp – she sits on her big fat arse (how non PC can you get) and he rushes around after her fetching and carrying. Both seem to have a major problem with a simple good morning – sends them into a catatonic state of total ignorance. Then we have the occasional Walrus gropes, when he tries to get his arms around her.

Doggy People – disappear every day and leave their poor little dog alone to roast inside their caravan. Now left for home. I wonder whether the dogs left in the caravan ready for next year?

Mr T and Family – he’s built like a brick shit house. Happy family with two hyper kids (4 and 6 year old) who need constant stimulation. Is this really a holiday for them?

Try various wifi options and repeater mode to boost wifi signal etc but their networks having non of it.

Finish off my Grand Cru in the evening.

Treasured Phrases replaced by PC Tripe:

Broken Home – Replaced by Dysfunctional family.

Bum – Replaced by Homeless Person.Calling a person a “Bum” implies that the person is a moocher that is too lazy to get a job. Referring to him as a “Homeless Person” removes this stigma, and implies that he would be a perfectly normal citizen if only the government would give him a house. (See :State-Socialism)

Crazy – Replaced by the term Mental Illness. And, since it is an illness, it may be treated in the same manner as other diseases – with drugs. Of course, this idea is nothing new … people have been using drugs to treat depression for centuries.

 Oh fiddlesticks a study has shown that the antioxidant compound in red wine thought to confer health benefits appears to block the cardiovascular benefits of exercise. Hang on, I don’t do any exercise so not a problem.

One of the greatest sources of amusement in the 16th century Paris what’s Burning at the Midsummer is fair and impresario would gather dozens of cats in and that always them hi into the air from special stage and then to everyone’s delight lower the whole writing bundle onto a bonfire the assembled spectators shrieked with laughter as animals Harlingwood playing with Singlish 
roasted and finally carbonised

Cat burning was a form of zoosadistic entertainment in 17th century Paris, France. In this form of entertainment, people would gather dozens of cats in a net and hoist them high into the air from a special bundle onto a bonfire. The assembled people “shrieked with laughter as the animals, howling with pain, were singed, roasted, and finally carbonized.”

 The Catholic church revealed that following Pope Francis on Twitter can reduce the amount of time followers’ souls spend in purgatory. The church has restored the ancient tradition of “indulgences”, which reduce time spent in purgatory.

 A source from the Apostolic Penitentiary, a Vatican court that handles the forgiveness of sins, said: “You must be following the events live. It is not as if you can get an indulgence by chatting on the internet.” Pope Francis has more than 2.7m Twitter followers.

Monday – rainy day hunkered down.

The joys of French cheese. Sadly it’s not bread and cheese tonight but thankfully every time the fridge door is opened we get that fantastic aroma of French cheeses – joy.

Typical day:

1 Breakfast about 08:00

2 Coffee and the Times online. Crossword. Madame De Farge clicks aways with her knitting needles.

3 Coffee and French newspapers online – with interactive translation service to assist. More clicking from Wendy.

4 Yougurt of the downward facing dog kind along with some exercise. 

5 Coffee and Chicago University course on the Physics of Global Warming. More clicking from Wendy as she chunners away to me not realising I can’t hear a word.

6 Coffee and some French from my Michelle Thomas course. More knitting from Wendy, by now she’s given up talking.

7 Walk or bike ride or open top time (plays havoc with my hair).

8 Afternoon tea and some Kindle time.

9 17:00 alcohol. Well I try to resist. But being in France without wine is a bit like sex without an orgasm!

10 Some TV. East Enders on the good days for Wendy.

A tough regime. How will we cope with 5 weeks of this.

More Un PC French jokes:

Q. How many frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him

Q. How do you confuse a French Soldier?
A. Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it.

Q. Why don’t Master Card and Visa work well in France
A.They do not know how to say “CHARGE!”

Q. What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage?
A. Their armpits

What is it with the French? Are they just squares? They’re obsessed with square ruled notepads in their supermarkets. A simple ruled A4 notepad is rarer than a Taliban in yellow marigolds doing the dishes.


Who said it?

“Islam is as dangerous in a man as rabies in a dog”
How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy. The effects are apparent in many countries. Improvident habits, slovenly systems of agriculture, sluggish methods of commerce, and insecurity of property exist wherever the followers of the Prophet rule or live. A degraded sensualism deprives this life of its grace and refinement; the next of its dignity and sanctity. The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property – either as a child, a wife, or a concubine – must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men. Thousands become the brave and loyal soldiers of the faith: all know how to die but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it. No stronger retrograde force exists in the world. Far from being moribund, Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith. It has already spread throughout Central Africa, raising fearless warriors at every step; and were it not that Christianity is sheltered in the strong arms of science, the science against which it had vainly struggled, the civilisation of modern Europe might fall, as fell the civilisation of ancient Rome.

Answer in tomorrows blog.



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