20130301 – Obsessive? Me? I Don’t Belive It!

Friday – too hot and sunny. 43F is not doing the snow any good.

IMG 0954

Up for first tracks again. Tycoon is awesome today, I’m orgasmic, I’ve found a new run – Jupiter Access – alas it is a tad disappointing, more of mountain track through the glades but still enjoyable.

Wendy thinks I’m obsessive.What me? Why because I’m up at the crack of sparrows for first tracks and I ski every day. Seems fairly reasonable to me. There are 11 months of the year when I can’t ski so make the most of it when I can. Mind you I think Wendy’s weird for not skiing everyday – so there. Those mountains are just totally bodacious and rumour has it you don’t ski when you’re dead, at least not where I’m going!

Another great morning. Meet Wendy for lunch at Payday and after some well deserved sun bathing – see pictures – we head off for a walk into town. More IMG 0962exercise for us (Wendy’s had a 1 hour walk already).

Main Street Park City is as boring as ever, quaint but full of bars, restaurants, art galleries and tee shirt shops. Sadly no Starbucks or coffee shops.

Just incase anyone thinks it’s cold forget it. We’ve just passed a condo with 2 lads lounging on deck chairs in their budgies smugglers, with a beer of course, and a bird in a bikini. Alas my iPhone was not up to a long distance photo.

After my weekend with techno couple (Californians through and through) I’ve decided I need to become more techno savvy. As a nerd I seem to be slipping. So despite my loathing for Starbuck tax evasion I’ve decided to sign up for Starbucks Apple passbook app. How trendy is that! What’s more I get free coffees every 12 and free refills, forget the personalised gold card.

As a treat after a hard day skiing and walking we call into Starbucks. Typical technology it doesn’t work. Seems like I’m set up as a UK member and not US – are they not a Worldwide brand. They can recognise where I am, show me the nearest store but don’t seem able to make the leap of intelligence to say oh well he’s in America. Logon and find I can switch to the US site. Perhaps it will work next time – Nerds 0; techno crap 1.

And to complete a totally narley day it’s Welsh Rarebit for tea washed down by a pleasant American Merlot.

Wow look at these Telepathic rats with brain implants that enable them to communicate across the internet. What potential.

DSC08486

Top ten reasons why mountains are better than women:

1 A mountain lets you ride it all day.

2 Mountains always have big peaks.

3 A mountain doesn’t mind if you’ve been on othe mountains.

4 You don’t have to bundle up before you get on a mountain (but you should).

5 There are always easy trails on a mountain.

6 Mountains don’t mind if you want to include all your friends.

7 You can jump on a mountain and it won’t bother you for the next few weeks.

8 Mountains want you to start at the top and work your way down.

9 You can ride a mountain without having to stay the night.

10 Mountains don’t care if you visit the back country.

Religious nut cases:

Brazilian pastor is behind bars after telling his flock that his penis contained ‘holy milk’. EVANGELICAL pastor Valdeci Sobrino Picanto hit on a crafty way of getting blowjobs. He convinced his IMG 0968followers that his semen was “holy milk”. He has convinced some followers that only God could come into their lives through their mouth and that’s why he would ask them to have oral sex with him until the Holy Spirit would come through ejaculation.

Saturday – hot and sunny.

Make the supreme sacrifice and miss a days skiing. Who says I’m obsessive.

Yet more steps on the nerd trail. As the new Techno Man, I’ve downloaded some tracks from iTunes and watched netflix last night.

Lazy day. Drive up to Deer Valley for lunch with Wendy. I was going to break one of my 3 laws and have a beer for lunch but alas we’re in a country full of “beer perverts”. Not a decent Pilsner or lager anywhere to be had. Instead there’s Porter, Heifer Weissen, Framboise fruity beers, even Kolsh and of course your tradition American nats piss. Never mind I’ve some good sensible German Pils in the fridge and some rather tasty Pinot Noir back in the condo.

IMG 0969

Then we go and view a condo for a years rental out here. Very nice 3 bedroom place with balcony, fully furnished, lovely. Gives us a feel for what you get for your money. Also includes a clubhouse with gym, pool and jacuzzi.

Edible underwear was invented in America? Well, there is a surprise. Even during sex they can’t stop eating!

Having watched the IT Crowd, which bought back happy memories of being a nerd with responsibility for an IT Help Desk, I though it might be good to focus on some Help Desk Horror stories:

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one…

Helpdesk: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left?

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello… I can’t print. Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and … Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates damn it!

Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…

Customer: I have problems printing in red… Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.

Mime attachment

Have we been away that long that the clowns in Whitehall have finally lost the plot.

SCROUNGING hate preacher Anjem Choudary has told fanatics to copy him by going on benefits — urging: “Claim your Jihad Seeker’s Allowance.”
He cruelly ridiculed non-Muslims who held down 9-to-5 jobs all their lives and said sponging off them made plotting holy war easier.
The Sun secretly filmed him over three meetings also saying leaders such as David Cameron and Barack Obama should be KILLED, grinning as he branded the Queen “ugly” and predicting a “tsunami” of Islamic immigrants would sweep Europe.

He went on: “People will say, ‘Ah, but you are not working’. “But the normal situation is for you to take money from the kuffar.“ So we take Jihad Seeker’s Allowance. You need to get support. ”Figures obtained by The Sun in 2010 showed the extremist cleric received £15,600 a year in housing benefit to keep him in a £320,000 house in Leytonstone, East London. He also got £1,820 council tax allowance, £5,200 income support and £3,120 child benefits — equivalent to a taxed salary of £32,500.

He told a 30-strong crowd: “We are going to take England — the Muslims are coming.” He gloated that the 9/11 terror attacks “shook the enemy” and claimed white supremacists wished they had the “fortitude” to fly planes into buildings. He went on to proclaim: “You must hate in your heart — Cameron, Obama, all that they worship. “Democracy, freedom, secularism, the parliament, all the MPs and the Presidents, all the kuffar’s ideas, everything the people worship, we have to believe that they are bad and we have got to reject them. “Reject them with our tongue. Reject them with our heart. In our heart have hatred towards them.”

Why are we putting up with this joker / hate monger?

If the clowns in Whitehall can’t sort this then they should resign.

I suggest failing just stopping all payments he is offered a workfare position in a pig abattoir. When he squeals like a stuck pig that it offends his religion offer him two choices – cease all benefits or go somewhere more compatible with his vile hatred. It’s about time we stopped this sort of nonsense. 

Sunday – snowing and 28F. 4-7″ predicted.

IMG 0988

Up early for first tracks but alas its a whiteout up there. Thank Dawkins for the trees at least they’re upright and give you some idea of up and down. Picture is of Jonesys, my favourite run, in a white out. Thankfully the gortex, helmet, goggles and gloves are performing well and I’m cocooned in a warm shell with Bob Dylan blasting out from the iPhone. There’s something quite magical about be out in the pouring snow all wrapped up with great gear. Just a pity it’s a whiteout, worse than being falling down drunk. New snow, great to ski on and tomorrow should be epic if this continues. I can feel another crack of sparrows start.

Your really do have to worry about some scrots. It’s a whiteout. What do they do they lie down on the middle of a slope, just over the brow of a hill so that you can’t see them until the last minute and to make sure they blend in they’re in white ski suit – scum boarder of course. You really do hope they don’t reproduce and pollute the gene pool

Hang all my wet gear up to dry but even after 6 years the gortex still seems to be doing its job and keeping me dry and warm.

Meet Wendy at Starbucks for a coffee. At last my Passbook seems to be working properly. Sadly though it seems you have to have a data DSC08497connection. Not a problem with Starbucks as they have free Wifi but surely it would be so much simpler if it could work offline and update the next time you go online.

After lunch we have an afternoon in like two old dears. Wendy knitting and me preparing Agendas for the up and coming school governors meetings. The joys of retirement.

More from the civilised religion of peace and tolerance:

A 15-year-old girl sentenced to 100 lashes for fornication on a remote part of the Maldives is at the centre of a new row between moderates and religious extremists in the Indian Ocean luxury tourist destination. The girl, who has survived rape by her stepfather and a resultant pregnancy, has now been found guilty of fornication and sentenced to flogging and house arrest.

Perhaps people might think twice before going to such places for a holiday!

Our new travel philosophy is to avoid any:

  • 3rd World country where you could die if you have to go to hospital or where you need to take your own set of needles etc.
  • Any country that has Shia law.
  • Any country which has more than 50% Muslim population.
  • Any country where you can be stoned to death for commenting on religion or blasphemy – they’d probably stone me in the arrivals hall.

Mime attachment 1

In the meantime we’ll stick to the civilised places, including the land of “the great Satan”.

Watched the last episode of “House of Cards” (Netflix version). Now I suppose we have to wait for season 2. Nearly as good as “West Wing”. At least you don’t need a Phd in American politics to follow it.

Also watched “Seal Team Six” on Netflix. All about the shooting of Bin Laden. Not bad. I’m sure this will have upset a lot of Muslim Fundamentalists, but then they get upset over the slightest thing. I think the only mistake the Americans made was not to have his body embalmed in a pig skin and displayed in a glass case at ground zero for all to see for eternity.

More from the Help Desks of the World:

Helpdesk: What’s on your monitor now ma’am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

Helpdesk: And now hit F8. Customer: It’s not working. Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly? Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing’s happening…

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Helpdesk: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer. Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work!

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? –

A customer couldn’t get on the internet. Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it. Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars.

Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Helpdesk: That’s not an antivirus program. Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.

DSC08488

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!

Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you? Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me? Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don’t understand your problem? Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?

Monday – sunny but oh so cold.

Up early for first tracks again. 7″ of fresh powder. Chance to make pretty track marks in virgin snow. By 10:30 I’m knackered. The 7″ may only translate to 3-4″ on top of most runs but it’s much more tiring on the old thighs. Worth it though. Forgot my iPhone today so no music to ski to. Coffee break and then ski until lunch time when I meet Wendy in Payday.

What is it with scumboarders? Why do they lie down on the middle of slopes for a rest, never look behind them before setting off and intrude upon your personal space even though there’s a slope 200 feet wide? I think part of the problem is they just ignore the skiers code because they think it only applies to skiers. Perhaps it should be renamed!

DSC08491

After lunch it’s a pleasant afternoon relaxing in the condo. Brilliant sunshine but alas a tad too cold to sit on the balcony.

Here we have the American Vice Presidents solution to gun crime. Buy a shot gun and a belt for your trousers – watch to the end it hilarious. If this doesn’t frighten the living daylights out of any sane person, nothing will.

More crazy Helpdesk calls:
 
Tech Support: “Well, just go to [URL].” Customer: “How do I do that?” Tech Support: “Type it in in your web browser.” Customer: “Huh?” Tech Support: “Ok…sir…do you have Internet access?” Customer: “Huh? No. No Internet. I don’t even have a computer.”

Customer: “I can’t get to the page. The address is: http://[site]/~user/~home.htm.

Tech Support: “Hmm, sounds like your system froze up.” Customer: “I don’t know why. It’s about 80 degrees in here!”

Customer: “Do I need a computer to use your software?”

Customer: “Hi, my manager’s computer isn’t working, and she asked me to call you.” Tech Support: “Ok, what’s happening? Is there an error message?” Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. She just said it wasn’t working. Can you fix it?”

Tech Support: “Ok, I can help you install the software. Would you like me to do that?” Customer: “Yes.” Tech Support: “All right, can you insert the disk in the disk drive please?” Customer: “How?” Tech Support: “Place the disk in the opening at the front of the computer.” Customer: “Will I have to have my computer delivered before we can do this?” Tech Support: “Um yes, that might be an idea.”

Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.” Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”

IMG 0289

Tech Support: “I need you to boot the computer.” Customer: (THUMP! Pause.) “No, that didn’t help.”

Customer: “I’m sorry. I think I just deleted the Internet!” Tech Support: “That’s ok. We have it backed up here on tape somewhere.”

Tech Support: “What seems to be the problem”. Customer: “I keep typing 11 but nothing’s happening”. Tech Support: “Why are you typing 11?”. Customer: “Well it said error type 11”.

Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.

 Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for support. “I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn’t even fit it in!”

I bet they wouldn’t have had the nerve to do this in Iran and live to tell the tale:

On the eve of the International Day of Women’s Rights young activists of the Communist Party of Iran and the Organization against violence under women in Iran undressed in the center of Stockholm to express the protest against the hijab.

Taking inspiration from Femen sextremists, the women daubed their bodies with slogans: My nudity – my protest and Down with the hijab .

Sorry picture quality was not that good.

Leave a Reply