20121224 – Christmas Day On The Beach For A Change

Monday – Grey and overcast but at least it’s warm.

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Wendy tootles off to the supermarket while I get some work done.

After lunch we go mad and go out for a short birding / nature walk to the “Red Bug Slough” – sounds appealing doesn’t it. Alas no gators just Anhingers and Osprey.

Tuesday – Warm 77F, sunny in the morning overcast in the afternoon.

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Open our presents in bed. Didn’t we do well. I bought Wendy a dress and dressing gown. At least got one of them right, dressing gown ok but she’s not too sure on the dress. I’ve got a £100 to spend along with iPhone case and at last some handkerchiefs, . What is wrong with the World, Wendy tells me it quite difficult to find handkerchiefs these days.

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Drive down to Siesta Key Beach – voted Americas No 1 beach – have a pleasant couple of hours with the Kindle, picnic lunch and people watching. This geezer and his wife turn up complete with a loaded porters trolley and a full cart. Then starts to erect all sorts of wind driven kites and flyers. Most amusing, gave us hours of fun. Awaited the arrival of family and children but alas none came seems that he’s just a big kid who enjoys his flyers etc.

Very pleasant at these temperatures, make such a change from being too hot and sweaty. P1130835Makes beaches quite attractive.

Beach is heaving further down, as crowded as Blackpool on a good day. Mind you it is so clean and just fine pure brilliant white sand. Full of American families having simple fun. Building sandcastles. Cycling and walking along the beach, some even swimming and surfing. After our lunch we have an hours stroll along the tides edge.

Then we go mad on the way back and treat our selves to a Starbucks. I get the chance to be really trendy and order a “skinny gingerbread latte” – how cools that.

All that remains left to do now is have our belated Christmas dinner. Alas no goose.

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Continued details of the Revocation of Independence are posted below. Please read (if you can’t read try and find someone who can), inwardly digest and obey.

The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).

There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into P1130855account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’ 

You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without shooting someone, suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.

All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect.

We like the idea of turn right on red if it is safe to do so and just to show how open we are to your good ideas we will adopt it in the UK. You of course will have to learn it’s a turn left on red.

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Immigration is a travesty with appalling queues and service for overseas visitor. In order to boost the economy and make you aware of the problem for the next year all overseas visitors will be given priority and American passport holders will be forced to queue like a visitor. The situation will be review at the end of the year to see whether you have learnt your lesson and improved the service.

The TSA will forthwith start using common sense – yes we appreciate that’s going to be difficult – but profiling will be a minimum requirement. You know it makes sense. Why should everyone be inconvenienced for a minority and we’ve had enough mumbo jumbo from the do-gooder PC thought police.

As you are predominantly a Christian Nation you will be required to cease this PC mumbo jumbo of wishing people happy holidays. Instead you will wish people Happy Christmas or Happy Easter as appropriate. Anybody who is offended, is obviously mentally deranged, and can apply for political asylum in some foreign country (not the UK) of their choosing.



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