Also some of the cartoons have also been created by AI.
Cartagena today, sunny but the breeze takes the edge off the heat – just comfortable.
Our free walks have been canceled so I sign up to the GPSMyCity app and create my own tour. Just select the sites we want to see. Just under 3 miles. It’s a pretty good app with interactive walking directions and details of each site you’ve chosen at the click on the screen.
Just as you would expect in Spain, or anywhere in Europe South of Latitude 43 degrees north, the museums etc are closed as it’s Monday closing day. Forget all the money that’s just cruised into town.
We get to see most of the sites, including castle, amphitheater and Roman columns, although we nearly missed them as we walked past and didn’t notice them. Not really a great deal there. Model Christian story of Christ was impressive. As for the paving, it was like an ice ring, smooth marble which was treacherous when wet – you really couldn’t make this stupid choice of materials up, obviously chosen by the local hospital board in order to drum up trade.
Back on board around 14:00 for a late lazy lunch.
Dinner’s the usual flexi dining, dominated by one woman whose gob ran away with her and never had a rest. It was a wonder she ever managed to eat anything.
Went to see a guitarist after, pretty dire. So far we’ve avoided the main theatre as not much has attracted us.
“Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”
Malaga today. We’ve got a free walking tour booked. After 15 minutes we abort. Her English is appalling, more stutters and pregnant pauses than listening to Boris spouting a boring hellfire sermon.
Do our own thing with the GPSMyCity app. A very pleasant day, even stop for lunch and a beer. The weather is awesome and it has to be the best port by far.
Our floating Petri dish.
Pat Condell OK Groomer
Our morning adventure involved a guided walking tour, a private affair because apparently, everyone else decided to stay in bed and avoid the potential drowning that might occur in light drizzle. Our guide, a walking encyclopedia of Gibraltar facts, spoke impeccable English, a rarity in the world of travel where sometimes you need Google Translate just to order a coffee.
Then came the pinnacle of our expedition – the cable car to the top of the rock. The restaurant up there, a place that looked like it was decorated by a committee of blindfolded monkeys, welcomed us. The tables seemed to have a history as rich as the rock itself, salvaged from what one could only assume was the debris of a furniture apocalypse. And surprise, surprise – despite being in a British territory, our waiter spoke a language that might have been English but sounded suspiciously like the mating call of a confused penguin. Incredible indeed.
The town itself felt like a British annex, complete with familiar shops. The pièce de résistance? Marks & Spencer, proudly asserting its imperial dominance in a place where you’d least expect it. Six miles of exploration later, Wendy resembled a character from a survival show, a testament to the perils of conquering territories, one tourist attraction at a time.
Back on the ship for afternoon tea, where apparently, the ship’s population believes in starvation as a form of recreation. The café resembled a battlefield of empty plates, as if they were on a mission to prove that humans can, in fact, survive on the fumes of Earl Grey alone.
For dinner, we descended to the main restaurant, where I, surprisingly, decided to embark on a sober meal.
The news headlines, a surreal twist in our journey, revealed that while we were freezing in drizzle, The rest of Spain was busy breaking December heat records. Oh, the irony – our thermometers struggled to reach double digits while the Spanish were probably sizzling paella on their sidewalks.
And so, the day ended, with me sticking to sobriety, Wendy reaching the brink of exhaustion, and Gibraltar standing as a testament to the fact that even in the most unexpected corners of the world, the British charm – or lack thereof – manages to make its presence felt.
$100 trillion spent by 2100 will reduce temperature rise by one sixth of a degree Celsius.
The anti-American dream
Just to remind everyone how powerful the First Amendment is:
First Amendment Fundamental Freedoms
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Cadiz – high expectations. What a dump.
Wendy’s not feeling so good so we have a lazy stroll around guided by GPSMyCity. Wander around the main attractions. Have a beer and then back onboard to a sunny balcony. There’s a severe danger of being legless today.
Wendy passes on dinner so I go down on my own. Table of 6 tonight is dominated by a lady who can best be described as Dame Everidge – never shuts up and you can see her husband is as bored as a security guard on a night shift, with the stories he’s heard so many times before.
Our Zimmer frame hell:
This was published in the new year 10 years ago and still holds good. No doubt the wokes, liberals and snowflakes will be apoplectic if they bother to watch. Yes, the root cause is that barbaric ideology – muslims mistakenly think it’s a religion – of peace and permanent offence – islam.
Ah, the daily symphony of juvenile web design, where 10-year-olds, fresh from their morning tie-my-shoelaces-with-Mommy routine, morph into digital architects. Brace yourselves for another riveting episode of “Password Palooza” and “Captcha Carnage,” where clicking to accept cookies is the closest thing to a thrilling adventure!
In the enchanted kingdom of web development, where logic goes to die, our mini-Mozarts craft password policies that make Fort Knox look like a pop-up shop. Forget having there Mummies tying their shoelaces; these prodigies are too busy knotting users into a labyrinth of alphanumeric chaos.
And let’s not forget the captivating dance of captchas, those delightful puzzles that prove whether you’re a human or an alien impostor. Because clearly, if you can’t distinguish a street sign from a bicycle, you’re not fit for internet society.
But wait, there’s more! Click to accept cookies, the virtual version of handing out sugar treats on Halloween. What’s more heartwarming than a website caring about your online well-being while silently tracking your every move? Sweet, isn’t it?
Behold, the pièce de résistance: codes to mobiles, the modern-day equivalent of the mating call of a 1990’s lesser spotted 9,600 Baud modem trying to connect to the Internet. Nothing says “security” like entrusting your precious login secrets to the pocket-dwelling device that occasionally gets lost in the couch cushions.
In conclusion, dear netizens, prepare yourselves for the whimsical wonderland of web design brought to you by our pint-sized prodigies. Will they tie their own shoelaces one day? Only time will tell. Until then, may your passwords be complex, your captchas merciful, and your cookies crumb-free. Happy surfing in this digital carnival of chaos!
That damn Elf’s been at it again:
Yippee, a day at sea with the usual range of mindless entertainment and merchandising opportunities. Keeping to two of my three retirement commandments (no drinking, no TV) is hard work on these sea days, plus you’re surrounded by the temptation of constant gluttony.
We’ve still got £270 left of our £490 onboard spend so it’s a trip to the onboard shops to get it spent rather than loose it – a tad short sited really as if you could carry it over it may encourage you to do another cruise with P&O. Buy a load of duty-free booze, 6 Toblerones and 2 big Hotel Chocolates. Yet still have £60 left for drinks tonight and tomorrow.
Drama on board as a helicopter is coming to take a sick passenger off. Then apparently the Portuguese no longer seem to have a helicopter so we divert even further for a Coastguard cutter to take the sick geezer off.
Artwork in a Spanish toilet.
I go to a piano concert, Mozart and Schubert, very heavy, Wendy gives it a miss.
Order some smoked salmon from free room service to stave off hunger.
Joy of joys it’s another Black Tie night so the Penguins will be bobbing around in droves while the RestofUs are relegated to the pleb’s restaurants and bars. I really can’t be bothered donning my suit and a tie.
Rock hard potato lyonnaise and raw liver for dinner in the self service restaurant, do these guys know how to cook. The liver was disgusting.
How to insult a progressive
Do Check Out this amazing article on challenging the lunacy of climate change’s net zero https://co2coalition.org/publications/challenging-net-zero-with-science/
Another sea day. With the usual range of unimaginative activities and the usual lack of mental stimulation.
Spend the rest of our onboard spend, keeping enough for drinks tonight.
Yet another one of those Spanish cows.
Try a walk around the deck but the surface is a slippery death trap in places.
The rest of the day is spent in our suite knitting, Wendy that is, reading and playing Canasta on an iPad app. Not to forget the joy of packing, trying to get all that booze in our suitcases and yet still having a box full to carry ashore.
Most nights I end up in the red bar for a pre-dinner drink of Budweiser. Today I noticed that it’s made with Rice – obviously they’ve never heard of the Reinheits Gebot.
Well, whats our final view of this cruise:
Suite is very roomy, comfy with quite a few extra benefits. Thankfully we had a suite as with 5 sea days, weather not up to much, we spent a lot of time in it. Balcony cabins don’t look very big.
Overall I would say good value for money, but certainly not as luxurious as past cruises.
Food is just ok, but minute portions, they really should provide a magnifying glass.
Service is just ok, but clearly a problem with the crews English comprehension.
Weather wasn’t all that good, just two really warm and sunny days.
Ports of call were as expected, just chicken shit Spanish towns, nothing that spectacular. Malaga was about the best. I had great expectations of Cadiz, found it a typical Spanish dump.
Very much an old persons cruise – yes I know we’re old – but I found it depressing and a constant reminder of what’s in store for us if we survive – still probably better than the alternative. Sadly not much stimulation at breakfast or dinner, most conversations were uninspiring. Give me an American cruise any day. My “American Ski Lift Theory” is that if you get on a six pack ski lift with 5 Americans you can guarantee that by the time you get off everyone will have told you:
1 Who they voted for.
2 No matter if they voted for the current President, they think he’s now a dick head.
3 If they didn’t vote for him then it’s a “he’s not my President”.
4 Then they give you the gruesome details of all their ailments and their copious visits to the sawbones.
No reports of Covid on board, we’ve kept a low profile and avoided the crowded main theatre (not that we’ve missed much worthwhile entertainment by all accounts), but on the last day we were advised of Gastro Enteritis being rampant, joy – confirms the Petri dish theory.
Survived the whole cruise without using the lift or having a dessert after dinner. Wonder what opinion the scales will have on Monday?
Thank the FSM (Flying Spaghetti Monster) we downloaded plenty to watch on our iPads of an evening.
Acid test, would I do it again. No, if we ever cruise again it will have to be somewhere warm, with very few sea days and some new places I actually want to see. Any day give me Park City or a Road trip, for the money these 12 days have cost us we could have one hell of a Road trip.
Looking on the bright side I certainly got some great reading in.
California wokes and snowflakes:
A bill, signed in 2021 by Democrat Gov. Gavin Newsom, will force stores that sell childcare items or toys to pay a $500 fine should the store fail to create a gender-neutral toy section for kids 12 years old and under.
Can you believe it. And to think we’re spending 6 weeks there this winter.
The deranged idea of a World without fossil fuels:
Well, it’s time to dismbark. Process wasn’t too painful, only an hour of hanging around before we were allowed to disembark our floating petri dish and old folks home.
The taxi arrives promptly and takes us back to our car at the hotel. Yes, it’s still there.
Then it’s a 4-hour drive home. Can you believe no holdups?
Just 3 weeks before we escape again. This time to the warmth of California amongst the wokes, snowflakes and libtards. Well at least we hope it’ll be warm.
When is the civilised World going to man up and eliminate these Islamic Houthi rag heads in Yemen who are terrorising the shipping lanes. Hopefully, once they’ve been sorted, Iran, the head of the snake, will be next.
Climate change forecasts, weather forecasts and all forecasts, are unreliable.
Why not go back to reading entrails or re-introduce an Augur, a priest and official in the classical Roman world. His main role was the practice of augury, the interpretation of the will of the gods by studying events he observed within a predetermined sacred space (templum). The templum corresponded to the heavenly space above. The augur’s decisions were based on what he personally saw or heard from within the templum; they included thunder, lightning and any accidental signs such as falling objects, but in particular, birdsigns; whether the birds he saw flew in groups or alone, what noises they made as they flew, the direction of flight, what kind of birds they were, how many there were, or how they fed. This practice was known as “taking the auspices”. As circumstance did not always favour the convenient appearance of wild birds or weather phenomena, domesticated chickens kept for the purpose were sometimes released into the templum, where their behaviour, particularly how they fed, could be studied by the augur.
Stop off at a Waitrose to buy tinned figs – bizarre I know. For the first time in 2 years I have my coffee cup with me so go for a free coffee. Two machines, one not working and the other being repaired as I rant. Just typical of the daily persecution I suffer – conclusion, does anything work these days, everything is a crock of shit.
For some perverse reason I stand on our balcony for 30 minutes, in the freezing cold, watching the guys cast off. It takes 4 guys to cast off the 7 strings anchoring us to the dock. They patiently wait for the ship driver to give the command “cast off blunt end”. Bizarre delight as the strings go slack and the engines throb into life. Yeh, we’re on our way even if at the imperceptible speed of 1 foot per hour, then 2, then 4.
Ship driver gleefully tells us the dire news that the Bay of Biscay is going to be very rough – typical. But fear not he’s going to speed across the Bay to avoid too much pewk decking the Christmas halls, and we’ll end up in Vigo a day early and get two days there.
First of our sea days. 
Abandon fixed dining (that was a customer service ordeal and disaster – only took 5 different stops to get it done, should have left it to the butler) in favour of anytime dining. Don’t think I could cope with another dinner with the over stimulation from last night’s table – it was like drawing teeth from a ten year old on their iPad. Put me on a table with some Americans.
After dinner we go and watch the comedian – very mediocre. Then Noddys gone past Big Ears so it’s time for bed and a couple of episode of “My Family”.
Breakfast in the Epicurian resturant, reserved for Suite guests, none of the cattle class. Really nothing to write home about. They totally screwed up Wendy’s order.
Back on board for a very, very frugal lunch and then afternoon watching the 4th Republican nomination debate. OMG I’ve sinned. 
Another day in Vigo – not the most stimulating of places, but so much better than a day at sea.
Back on board for Wendy’s lunch.
Bloody formal tonight when everyone gets tarted up like a dogs dinner. I suppose I’d better not compliment any of the ladies with a “you look like a dogs dinner”. Why can’t they just relax the rules. Those who want to don a penguin suit, that’s fine by me, I’m not offended; but those who want to wear just jeans that’s equally fine, what harm does it do.
As it’s a major city and we’ve never been before we break our normal habits and book a ships tour “Lisbon by land and River”. Spend an hour driving around the slum housing of Lisbon to get to the boat trip, with very little worthy site seeing or narrative – in fact the river trip was only five minutes down the river front, a complete waste of time and just to fill out the tour. The river trip up and down was ok, got to see Lisbon from the river not a great deal in the way of commentary. Then back on the coach for a 40 minute tour of Lisbon with the sort of commentary we expected.
Did we learn much? Well my most memorable fact from the tour was that Portugal has 1,001 recipes for cooking Cod. What a waste of money it was. Thankfully we’ve no more ship’s tours booked.
Wendy started on a slow infusion of Martinis. This one was dire enough to make anyone jump on the wagon. 
Again entertainment was not the least bit enticing so back to our suite to watch one of the many films we had fortunately downloaded.
As we’re still sticking to our no dessert and no lift regime, the lack of a deck 13 is really appreciated.
It’s a black tie evening tonight, another formal. At least our Butlers brings us Canapés to the suite. I can’t be bothered even putting my suit on, bugger it, will stick to shorts and tee shirt. These formals really should be banned and let those that want, wear monkey suits every night if they so wish, and leave us lesser beings to our jeans and tee shirts. P&O should remember it’s me paying them.
Sunday – Sarah and Brett take us down to the Red Maple for Brunch and Dim Sun. In the evening Wendy goes to a musical “Nine” at the Egyptian – for some bizarre reason Wendy thinks about the wives of Henry the 8th, that he only had 6 and that musical called “Six” seems to have eluded her. Fortunately I’m allowed to pass, I’d rather lick piss off a nettle, than watch a mediocre musical at the Egyptian. So, I get a quiet evening in watching the TV programmes I enjoy and Wendy detests.
Starts off with Sarah leading her “easy” hike up Ecker Hill to the flagpole. A good hike, only 2.5 miles but given that it’s 670 feet elevation gain and the last 200 yards would even challenge a mountain goat, I don’t think it’ll be added to my easy hike repertoire. In the the afternoon it’s bowling. 
Then back home to set off down to the Greek festival with Wendy and Mike, it’s the biggest West of the Mississippi. Good food, dancing entertainment but big and busy. Enjoyed the experience, worth the trip.
Sunday – starts off with a hike at the top of Guardsmen’s Pass up “9K” with Mark and Joe. In the afternoon we go over to Rockport State park for a walk with B&M. The idea was to explore and walk along the 3D archery range to see if it’s worth bringing my bow next year. Weather had other ideas. 
Tuesday – after an easy hike in the morning off to the Oakley Diner with Mike, S&B. A tad disappointing but at least I have the free tee shirt.
Friday – start the day off by finally hiking up to the top of Quarry Mountain. A tad disappointing but at last I’ve done it and got it off my mither list. It’s a bit of a death march, 700+ feet up in a mile, mainly there for mountain goats. 
In the afternoon Wendy and I have volunteered to help out at the Hike For Hunger. I’m dishing out purple wrist bands for those that look over 21 to prove they can have a drink. Only in Utah can they get so uptight about drink laws. Sadly doesn’t seem as well attended this year and somewhat disorganised and inundated with 10 year old volunteers – common sense is short supply. Well at least we got the tee shirt.
Tuesday – Lead a last easy hike around “Road to WOS”. Pack up STUFF and take it to Mike’s lockup, only 8 boxes! In the evening we’re all off to Betti’s for a fantastic German dinner, complete with Klos dumplings.
AT MCO get in their Delta lounge, we’ve a 4 hour layover. Very colonial style and good food. A few beers – well they call it beer – and a bourbon to help my sleeping tablets.
I’m nominated for a key role in the re-enactment as a Mormon Bishop – managed to resist the temptation to mention the Meadows Massacre. It’s nearly a 2 hour drive to get there, in the middle of nowhere, but worth it to visit this awesome historic site.
The golden spike (also known as The Last Spike) is the ceremonial 17.6-karat gold final spike driven by Leland Stanford to join the rails of the first transcontinental railroad across the United States connecting the Central Pacific Railroad from Sacramento and the Union Pacific Railroad from Omaha on May 10, 1869, at Promontory Summit, Utah Territory. The term last spike has been used to refer to one driven at the usually ceremonial completion of any new railroad construction projects, particularly those in which construction is undertaken from two disparate origins towards a common meeting point. The spike is now displayed in the Cantor Arts Center at Stanford University. 
Monday – Wendy goes to the Chiropractor then in the pantry at the Christian Centre. For me it’s some great Pickleball with a bike ride down the Rail Trail in the afternoon. Then in the evening Mike takes us all (Marianne, Carmel, Joanne, Dan, Wendy and I) to Giodottis. What is it with American restaurants? The place is virtually empty, the tables are set but “please wait to be seated” – about 10 minutes of the usual power play. No concept of customer service.
Thursday – Wendy, Marianne, Mike and I go to the Bee’s baseball game. A tad cool but great junk food. Finally get the proper Chicago Hot Dog, along with salted peanuts and soft Pretzal.
Friday – bowling again. In the evening it’s Dogs and Suds with PCMSC in the City Park. So far the weather’s been pretty mixed with afternoon monsoons and crap weather forecasts that make it difficult to plan. But my week seems to be settling down into a routine. Mondays lead an easy bike ride while Wendy volunteers at the CC; Tuesday lead an easy hike, sometimes Wendy comes; Wednesday hike with the Newcomers and sometimes NAC archery volunteer in the afternoon, pistol shooting in the evening; Thursday kayaking coming back on the calendar; Friday bowling then TGIF in the evening; Saturday clay pigeon shooting; Sunday relax with a stroll and free cinema or a meal in the evening.
Friday – a gang of us go down to Feldmans for dinner and then to the Bees game.
Saturday – Wendy’s been invited to a pig roast so we troop off along with D&B.
Sunday – free cinema tickets with D&B and B&M. Film was so boring I tried to escape to the High West.
Friday – bowling with the usual crew and D&B. Followed by TGIF in the evening. Invited to a retirement due at Marions, haven’t a clue who she is, but finally manage to identify her. Going shooting that night. 
Saturday – Clay pigeon shooting, then bike ride with Bob and Mike, then B&M come round for dinner.
In the afternoon we host a traditional English afternoon tea party to celebrate the coronation with our colonial friends. Don’t you just love the trouble they went to with those hats. And not forgetting Wendy’s stylish fluffy slippers – fit for a trip to Walmart. 
It’s snowing for the drive up to Park City (PC, aka paradise) but as we turn off the interstate for PC the sun comes out, Is this an omen. Wow they sure have plenty of snow – see pictures – never known it as good. Why Bob’s even complaining that they have too much snow on the ski slopes.
Joy of joys it’s a major shop at Walmart and Smiths.
Yeah, back to Kamas gun club for some clay pigeon shooting with Mike. It’s a gorgeous sunny day with snow all around – good to be alive weather. Those clays didn’t need to be frightened of me, an abysmal score of 11 and 13.
Well it’s time for a review of our first week here in Paradise.
Monday, it’s pickleball drop in at last 09:00 to 12:00. Must be 2 years since I played, but never mind such a great game. Wendy’s off to the Christian centre volunteering for the day. I manage a route march up there to meet her, 17 minutes 30.
Tuesday, it’s snowing yet again but we risk a Costco run. I80 a mess to drive down, a tad better coming back.
Friday, well it’s pickleball yet again, then in the afternoon Wendy and I go a stroll down the Rail Trail, hard going with snow under foot. Pick my bike up from Ruths and have a pleasant ride home.
What a great job the Christian Centre do with all these Easter baskets for the kids. Sadly no chocolate in them though.
Lazy start to a cloudy, breezy yet warm day.
Another lazy start to a warm sunny day.
Another warm and sunny day. Up early to swap the Hertz Mobile.
Drive to the Blue Grotto but apparently, the only way to see it is via a boat trip. Not for Wendy so we pass. Settle for a coffee.
Another warm, sunny but windy day.
Another lazy start to a warm sunny day. 
Wendy was kept awake until about 02:00 with the monotonous thumping of teenage tribal music from the local bars and discos.
Then it’s a 40 minute drive to our Airbnb in Mill???. No motorways and amazed how many backstreets Apple Car Play knows.
Lazy start to a warm sunny day.
Well first impression of Malta are good – in Wendy’s case it could have something to do with an M&S and a Lidl. Yes, it’s a fairly typical Mediterranean resort but not as chaotic or dirty as most. People seem very friendly and a pleasant blend of old and new. Roads are fairly basic which is not surprising given the size of the island.
One of the first mainframes I wrote programs for was the height of sophistication, as well as tape drives we had 2 Megabyte Exchangeable hard Drives. Can you believe that I ran all the companies accounting etc on an ICL 1903 with just two 2 Meg drives. The computer had a dedicated air conditioned room.
Lazy start to another warm sunny day.
Lazy start to another warm sunny day.
It’s a lovely walled city. Yet more churches and even a cathedral, daylight robbery it’s $18 to get in. What about if my immortal soul is wanting to repent and see the light. Tough shit if you don’t have $18, to line the already overloaded koffers of the Catholic Church, you can just go rot in hell. So much for “In my house there are many mansions”, none of them FOC. Needless to say we pass on the spiritual experience.
Have a spot of lunch at a cafe with great views, try the strawberry meringue with walnuts and lemon curd, very tasty. Really getting into Cappucinos.
So here I am a 73 year old body enjoying the delights of Malta. Meanwhile my 16 year old mind wonders what the hell it’s doing here. 
Lazy start to another warm sunny day.
Wendy starts off bitching why is it that women always have to queue for the toilets. It’s oh so simple, they’re badly designed.
Tonight’s tea at Il Barri restaurant started with a free starter of Sally the snail, about 20 of them in a tomato sauce, Wendy passed, followed by a mixed grill of Peter rabbit, Quincy the quail and Red Rum the race horse. Delicious. 
Back home for some beer and wine. sadly Wendy does not fancy driving over here.
I’m not eating one of them.
Another lazy start to yet another warm sunny day.
Arrive at the capital Victoria. The roads are a nightmare and there’s only one public car near the Citadel. It’s chock a block along with underground car park. Get fed up of driving around trying to park so quit and head back. Apart from the Citadel, and god knows how many churches, there doesn’t seem much worth seeing. We’re so pissed off with the parking we even pass on a couple of the bays and cut our losses. 
Back home for lunch followed by a stroll up to M&S, Wendy’s treat, and then the supermarket.