20211002 – Versailles, Beaune and Annecy







Saturday

Oh the joys of packing up your caravan in the pouring rain. Anyone want to buy a caravan? I really do start to wonder why we’re still doing this caravanning lark. Must be mad. When you think about it, with the awning, we spend a day setting up and a day packing up. Only really viable for a 3 or more week stay. Reminds me yet again that I don’t want to be towing.

Drive down to Versailles is pretty uneventful The French roads and toll roads a a pleasure to drive on.

Arrive at our Novotel in Versailles after a three hour drive.

Hotel’s very smart. Have a stroll down the town, trying to avoid the rain.

Evening meal in the hotel is good but very limited menu.
 

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ISIS has nothing to do with islam

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I know the Americans have some difficult understanding the concept of a roundabout, but at least I thought the Europeans were comfortable with it. Alas, not so. In Versailles they have roundabouts with Priorite a Droite (Priority to traffic coming from the right) on all the roads joining the alleged roundabout. How chaotic is that?

I thought priority a droite had been abandoned all over France, but it seems it’s still clinging on, especially in rural areas. Ox carts and horse and carts are very rare in France these days but still this craziness persist. Bonkers. That along with a hole in the ground toilets and a national spate of toilet seat thefts should be enough to have them expelled from the EU.


Sunday

After a good breakfast we’re off in the rain to the Palace of Versailles. Fortunately only a 20 minute walk from the hotel.

Well, it seems that somehow the French Secret Service – DGSI: Direction générale de la sécurité intérieure – have somehow been spying on me at breakfast and detected my desecration of a croissant. Yes, I confess I put jam on them. When I present my French pass sanitaire to get in the palace of Versailles it is rejected – am I now on a watch list? Funny how it’s accepted everywhere else and Wendy’s is accepted. My English one works – don’t mess with the British.

How the gardens should have been in the sun.

Then I try to go through the scanner. No luck. Take everything off, still no luck. Next, it’ll be the sound of a rubber glove and down to underwear. It must be the DGSI or again my titanium implant in my femur – strange how my bionic leg has never caused a problem before. In typical French fashion, they give up and decide it’s best to let me through.

I wonder whether it was my leather cowboy hat that made them think I’m a American so let’s give him a hard time.

It’s very impressive, the palace that is. It’s massive, they reckon you need a whole day to see the inside properly. Us philistines are not that cultured and really just like to get an overview and sense of the place without examining everything. A guided tour would be the death of us. There are that many paintings there’s just no need for wallpaper. So it’s a whistle-stop tour. They really need a fast lane to avoid the dawdlers. We must set a new world record in just 70 minutes, mind you the Gallery of great battles is closed – I bet there’s nothing in there for Agincourt, WW1 or WW2!

Still pouring with rain so we give the awesome looking gardens a miss. Most of my pictures have been acquired from the Internet rather than photos with bald heads and selfie sticks intruding.

Expensive but glad we’ve seen it. Wendy – xenophobe – much preferred Windsor Castle but nowhere near as big.

Set off down to Beaune, wine capital, for our next stop. Once we escape the hell of Paris suburbs were on our way down South. Toll roads most of the way but no hold-ups and light traffic. Why if it wasn’t for the rain it could even be enjoyable.

And the bit we were swizzled out of.

Arrive at our Ibis hotel in Beaune. Well we all make mistakes. Our rooms been designed by someone from Lilliput. The door won’t even open fully because it bangs into the bed. As for the shower, only thin people wash. No blobbies would ever get in the rooms.

Another bit of bad news is they don’t do evening meals so we have to venture out into yet more rain to find a restaurant. Wot, you want to eat on a Sunday evening, it’s our day of rest, one of many. Finally, find a restaurant open. Limited menu until 18:00 so it’s French onion soup followed by Beef Bourgeoning. Good French fare.

Back to the rabbit hutch in the rain and finish off my bottle of wine to help me cope with the claustraphobia.
 

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Well we’ve solved the illegal immigrant problem for Priti Useless. Just visited this big – it’s very big – empty council house in Versailles. Get the French to spend some of the 54 million on moving the illegals in Calais to this empty place. There’s room for them all. Simples. Problem solved.


Monday

And if your husband didn’t buy you a washing machine then you can always pop along here to do the weekly wash – I know sexist.

Breakfast is very mediocre and small portions, no doubt to save money. Mind you if you had a big hearty breakfast you’d risk not being able to slither into the room.

We see a real blobby arrive, who as we guessed is one of the cleaners. I’d be amazed, being that fat, that she could even get into the rooms.

You lives and you learns and today’s lesson is avoid Ibis hotels – we’ve stayed in some tolerable ones in the past, especially Ibis Styles.

Have a stroll around Beaune and a coffee before setting off for our VRBO in Lake Annecy. We pass on visiting the Hospital with the awesome roof again.

Just watched the guy set up this umbrella on the right. What does he think will happen when it rains. That man don’t have the brains God graced a bale of hay.

It’s motorway for all but the last three miles. The drive through the mountains is impressive, would be more so if it wasn’t rain and cloud.

As we get into Annecy we see a mega Carrefour supermarket. As we’re early we go in to do our shop and save us coming out again. Sadly it’s just too big with prize winning slow checkout girls.

Get to the road where the car park for our apartment is. Drive up and down it three times looking for the car park. What we don’t realise is that there’s another half of the road across the major road and of course we’re on the wrong side of the major road. Finally, find it and negotiate all the secret codes, locks and doors, to arrive at our very pleasant apartment, it’s lovely and well kitted out.

Soon get set up after wearing out a keyboard inputting a 20 character, yes 20 characters mixed numbers and letters, enough to protect the nuclear missile launch code. The world has gone mad.

Finally all working, Apple TV up and running for Netflix etc. Home from home.
 

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British tourist deported from France for desecration of a croissant. As he’s put into a rubber dinghy and pushed off the Calais beach in the direction of Dover he shouts, “Nothing like Apricot jam on your first croissant of the visit. Wot no butter!”.


Tuesday

Weather dictates our day. Sun and cloud in the morning followed by yet more rain in the afternoon, so we’re off out early. Well 10:00 is very early for us.

Have a stroll down to the lake with plans of a relaxing coffee by the lake. “There’ll be loads of cafes overlooking the lake” I say. Alas wrong again, not a one.

But, there’s a trade union gearing up for a protest no doubt. Must be France. Wot no yellow jackets.

It’s very pleasant though walking by the lake and eventually we find a cafe by a river in the old town.

Then stroll back with Wendy carping on about how far it is. But then she spies a Casino supermarket to brighten her day. Can you believe that to get out of the store you have to scan the barcode on your receipt? Technology gone mad. What happens if you don’t buy anything?

First impressions of Annecy are good.

Afternoon lazing around, it’s what we do best.
 

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We have a press that can cause fuel chaos with their calamitous reporting yet can’t be bothered to challenge the donkeys in power.

The latest from Preti Useless is sending illegals to Albania, vociferously denied by the Albanian government. Whatever happened to sending them to a shithole, like Rwanda, for processing? How many have been turned back at sea as a result of the training given? Both seem like great ideas. Why aren’t the press on the case with these two issues instead of sensationalist headlines that are exaggerating and causing chaos?

If France was serious about solving the problem and earning their £54M then it’s simple, why don’t they just let us send them back to France. It wouldn’t be long before the illegals got the message. But let’s face it they want to be shut of them.

Time for ACTION THIS DAY as Churchill would have said. Such a pity Boris can’t emulate his hero.


Wednesday

Yet again plan our day around the weather forecast.

Off for a drive around Lake Annecy. I’d expected it to be a goodly distance but it turns out to be only 25 miles. Not really that much to see other than views of the lake, including a spectacular one from a mountain top – see photos. But overall a pleasant drive.

Halfway round and the heavens open up yet again. Good to know that the French weather forecasts are as random as ours.

Back in time for afternoon tea.

Tackle a Beaune wine, it’s ok but not one I’d queue up to buy.
 

 

 
Red pilled Euro whore

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After 14 years of retirement it’s time for a 1st amendment to my laws of retirement. It’s very simple.

11th Law – Avoid shopping in a super market with Wendy.


Thursday

Our apartment in Annecy. Lovely.

Very lazy start to the day. Catch up on blog and try and reconcile my Siesta Key booking. The joys of an amateur travel agent.

After Wendy’s lunch, we take a stroll into the town. Learn that restaurants and brasseries insist on you having food. If you want just a coffee or even a just a beer then you must go to a cafe or bar.

Have a coffee by the river and then explore the city centre, well at least what we think is the city centre. We’re saving exploration of the old town until tomorrow, market day.

Back home for afternoon tea.

Extra hot Stag chilli, supplemented with plenty of mince meat, for my tea. Quality food.
 

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Another example of lack of common senese in design. Wendy is about 5 foot 1″ tall and the average female in Europe is 5 foot 3″ tall, yet no way can Wendy reach to close this cupboard, even on tiptoes and even after all that traction treatment. How to spoill a lovely kitchen.


Friday

Up and ready early to go to the market in the old town Wendy’s orgasmic. Have to be there before 12:00 or else they’ll have all packed up early and shot off home to gobble up their frogs legs and snails.

I don’t know why we ever bother going to a French market, we never buy anything. Although I have to admit they do have some awesome-looking cheese, bread and meats, plus a wide selection of fresh fruit and vegetables. Really quite entertaining and colourful.

Stop off for a beer but it’s quite cold so I settle for a coffee allonge.

Call in at a Subway for tonight’s tea. Their consistency all over the world is amazing, yes you can always guarantee they’ve run out of something. Today it’s tomatoes. Probably one of their most popular items. I suggest they pop around to the market and buy some before they close. That went down like a lead balloon and all of a sudden they no longer understood English.

Back home for lunch. It’s still grey and cool and not a glimpse of the forecast sun.

14:00 French time and the Apple watch can be ordered in the UK. Order an apple watch 7 in aluminium. Would have liked to get the stainless steel but instead of £399 they’re £699 because they come with lavish watch straps. I’ve still got my Milanese Loop, it’s smart and still in good fettle. Yes, I know I’m the nerd who would be dashing to buy a cardboard box if Apple sold one, but in fairness, my current watch is a series 4 and 4 years old.

Wendy gets packed ready for an early start and a 5 hour drive to Cannes. A major navigation screw up there, on the map as the crow flies it only looked about 200 miles. Turns out it was even less at 168 but there are mountains in the way so you have to travel about 320 miles.

Well it seems that Wendy’s been washing the pots with rinse aid. No wonder we need to scrape the detritus off the plates!
 

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I see the press are now trying to create more shortages with their latest contributions to chaos:

  • “Why soaring gas prices could leave toilet paper in short supply”.
  • “Fears of Quality Street shortage over Christmas as Nestle hit by HGV driver crisis”.
  • “Almost a third of petrol stations in London and southeast England are either dry or have just one grade of fuel”.
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    Perhaps it’s time for some retaliation with two new press releases:

  • “Fears that newspaper ink could cause cancer”.
  • “Fears that reading press scare stories of gloom and doom could cause senile dementia”.
  •  
    …could….” that all-important word used by the press to achieve their dubious ends. Is our press infested with 5th columnists, enemies of the state and anarchists?