20170201 – Back To Paradise

Wednesday – hot and sunny.

This is the way to travel – Virgin Upper Class.


Escape at last, for 10 weeks skiing in paradise. Assuming I can avoid any major breaks.

Time for a drink at the bar.

So it’s goodbye remoaners, who are out to screw Brexit and the country. Goodbye liberal lefty PC stormtroopers. Goodbye to busy body marches – it’s nothing to do with you and is democracy in action. Goodbye to the hypocrisy on sensible border controls. Goodbye to endless futile petitions. Goodbye to toddler tantrums thrown by prissy and spoiled millennials.

You’ll not be missed.

Hopefully by the time we get back everyone will have calmed down and we’ll be on our way out of the Evil Union.

Wendy at the bar. Now there’s a surprise.

We escape in style as we fly Virgin Upper class Manchester to Atlanta. We upgraded with our air miles. What an amazing way to travel, but what silly prices. They tuck you up with a continental quilt and a brandy to drown the nightmares, but no bedtime stories and you can tell times are hard when there’s no onboard masseur or upper class chef.

Arrive in Park City 24 hours after leaving home but the luxury of the 9 hour flight certainly made the trip much easier. Sadly it’s back to cattle class from now on, at least until we amass enough air miles for an upgrade or accelerate the rate at which we fritter away of our kids inheritance – tempting.

Lounge in our new home for the next 10 weeks and then over the summer.

No comment on the usual screening / TSA crap. I think I need some tablets or a better surfboard wax to keep me on my virtual surfboard of life when encountering this nonsense. Just think of it. The so called World’s leading country, suffers all this through a few 7th century barbaric rag heads, and can’t come up with better scanners and solutions. Time for Trump to get his teeth into this senseless bloated job creation industry that’s got too big to ever be tackled.

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Computer sayings

Lounge

Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.

I haven’t lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere.

I just wish some mouths had a backspace key.

Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat “what if?” questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.

Don’t explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.

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Kitchen and dining room.

Is it really a security threat if those travelling in cattle class use the toilets in upper class? Well I can tell you the seats the same size, they smell the same, you can splash your clogs the same, they flush the same and your fingers would go through the toilet paper the same.

No one has yet managed to explain why according to the federal aviation authority it’s a security threat.

Thursday – hot and sunny.

Master bedroom.

Our new home for the next 10 weeks is awesome – see pictures. Thanks to Janelle and Mike. It’s oh so comfortable, quality all round and well equipped. Feeling at home already.

Master bathroom.

Sadly no skiing as Wendy has to go for her drug test, needed if she wants to volunteer at the hospital. I ask you is it really likely a 68 year old Nanna is on anything stronger than Ovaltine? Then it’s the Costco experience to really excise our credit cards. To further enhance the days shopping extravaganza it’s the local supermarket. Wendy’s in her element. By this time I’m off to the liquor store for the essentials (wine, beer and brandy) and then I slink off to Starbucks, drowning my lost ski day sorrows in one of there selected coffees.

Well that’s it, from now on I’m allowed on the slopes.
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Just say “Merry Christmas”.

Let’s flaunt the Christmas word at every opportunity. If it offends you then tough shit.

Friday – hot and sunny.

2nd Bedroom.

My big debut day on the slopes. Yeah, I can still ski, so that’s a start. Must admit there’s quite a bit of trepidation, especially as I get off my nemesis, that dam lift, for the first time. I’m taking it easy on green runs for the first week as I try to get my head back together. I’m also not that fit. Well actually my dodgy leg is fine, no problem, exercises paid off, but my good leg is burning out and needs strengthening.

Stop for a well deserved coffee. I’ve been well and truly fleeced. $5.39 for a cup of coffee. Of course I have a few polite but caustic comments about greed and having a urine sample taken. “Ah but you can have free refills sir”. As if that makes any difference, although next time I’ll bring a flask and top it up. The young cashier tried to make me feel better by showing me how ridiculous a Burger, chips and coke were at $28.

Another bathroom.

An awesome first days skiing. Great weather, awesome snow and best of all I survived.

Wendy’s toddled off to the Christian Aid centre to volunteer on reception. Another day to keep her out of trouble. Pick her up from there and return the Hertz mobile. From now on we’re poor, have to make do with the bus and shank’s pony – very healthy.

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When your biscuits drown in your brew:

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Dismantling Europe – Merkel Her Migrants And What’s Incoming.

Saturday – hot and sunny.

3rd floor bedroom.

Start the day with a healthy breakfast of granola and red fruits. Oh the joys of eating healthy as I chomp down on a brick in my granola and a slab size portion of tooth comes off like a glacier calving. That’s what you get eating healthy. In future I’ll stick to buttermilk pancakes or waffles.

Being Saturday the dentists are all resting their weary laurels, such a hared job, so I’ll have to slice my tongue every few minutes and suffer until Monday.

Another en-suite bathroom.

Oh well time to hit the slopes.

Another great days skiing, even if it is only on the easy greens for now. I really should have done more all round ski exercises.

Evening we start on my free trial of HBO Now. They really seem to have a great selection and it works over a VPN from the UK.

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Truck of Peace: Election Special

Sunday – hot and sunny.

Given the traffic gridlock early yesterday I have a leisurely start to the day and set off around 11:00. Get a couple of hours awesome skiing in even if limited to the greens.

View from our lounge.


Meet Wendy for lunch at Jupiter Java. Surprise, surprise Eva, our favourite barista is there – she’d got a new job at Wells Fargo, is now studying accountancy at night school but still works here most Sundays as well. We get high fives and hugs all around. I hold Eva responsible for our destitution having introduced me to Dirty Chai’s, which now cost me a fortune at Starbucks.

Hot tub ready for the kids and snow pile ready to make an Igloo for Jasper.

Wendy sets off home on foot and I have another couple of hours skiing.

It’s weird this getting it back together on skis. I know I’m competent, and touch wood, hardly ever fall. My first broken femur was due to hitting too fast a mogul field I didn’t realise was there. My second was due to a witch from California stamping on my ski. Yet I’m still nervous. Im so much more aware of idiots around me who come to close. But, FSM forbid, even if I was confined to skiing just green slopes for ever it would still be the most awesome. It’s just so great to be out there and enjoy the mountains.

More HBO to drop off to. I blame the wine.

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My morning commute.

How friendly and kind Americans are. It is just so great to be back here amongst our American friends. They go out their way to be kind and helpful. Now I even have access to a ski storage locker at the base so I no longer need to lug skis backwards and forwards.

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A picture is worth a thousand words but it takes 3,000 times the disk space.

View from the dinning room.

If it draws blood, it’s hardware.

In God we trust, all others we virus scan.

Rebooting is a wonder drug — it fixes almost everything.

A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.

Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups.

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Happy New Year Liberals & Refugees: (Pat Condell)

Monday – hot and sunny.

View from the dentist chair. Fortunately it’s one way glass. How do I know? well given all the rude gestures and Agincourt salutes I’ve been giving to passers by, I’ve not had a single response.

Appointment with fear arranged for 11:00. Dentist even remembers me from last time 3 years ago. His advice is a crown as he doesn’t think a filling will last long. A mere $1,129, to think people moan about NHS. All very efficient from a cast of thousands.

Amazing isn’t it for the past 25 years or so I’ve had fillings and crowns without the needle and have never really had any pain, either during or after treatment. This is a big job so I opt for the needle, but pass on the laughing gas. The second injections more painful than anything in the past 25 years. I thought water boarding was illegal in the US, Despite Trump’s wishes, well this dentist doesn’t seem aware of that as he sprays water in my mouth, does a great job of near choking me. I’m in the torture chair for 90+ minutes, by which time the injections wearing off. And then to top it all the rest of the day I’m in pain from the pneumatic drill he’s used on me while fitting the temporary crown. In those 25 years I’ve never suffered any after pain like this.

Relax after a hard day on the slopes.

Joy I can come back in two weeks for fitting the proper Zirconium crown. Can hardly wait.

No trip to Kimble junction would be complete without Wendy sauntering in not one but two supermarkets. Treat her to a new girlie pink haversack – aren’t I kind.

Yeah, great news we’ve booked our flights for our Park City summer extravaganza. Yes, we escape for 10 weeks back to paradise.

Need copious bottles of medicinal wine tonight to overcome the pain.

A wasted day. No skiing.

Well apparently they closed the Interstate both ways because a herd of Elk have decided to take a stroll down it. Just love this country.

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Truck of Peace: Pussy Hat Spaz Fit

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Wendy’s choosen subject for Mastermind is the Park City transit system timetables. The infinite and intricate detail with which she plans a journey is amazing, but I do wish she’s just tell me which bus, where, when and skip telling me all the intricacies and alternative options.

Tuesday – hot and sunny.

Well I tried to talk Helen out of skiing with me whilst I’m still taking it easy, but she’s a glutton for punishment.

Off to work.


We set off in a howling gale, snowing, flat light and powder drifts all over. You can hardly see where we’re going and after one run our gear is soaked. We both agree it’s time to call it a day, this is no fun. Assumedly we’ll get the “Stupid Skier Pin” for venturing out in such conditions. Good news is there’s no lift lines and hardly anyone out.

A white out – deserves a “Stupid Skier Pin”.

Helen and George share there locker with me. This is awesome as it means I won’t have to lug my skis up every day and there’s a pleasant locker room available.

Helen comes back to our place for a coffee, whilst waiting for George. Meanwhile Wendy’s tootled off to the hospital to sign up as a volunteer and complete her learning modules.

Police ring to let us know theres one of these beauties on the prowl – keep you dogs and cats in doors. Hope we get to see it.

Carol and Hal pick us up in the afternoon to take us back to their new home for dinner. It’s awesome, +5,000 square feet; enough bedrooms and bathrooms to house a hoard of refugees; fantastic views over the Timpanoga Mountains; nice and remote. We have a lovely dinner and then stay the night so they can drop us back in PC in the morning. By way of a change I help Hal assemble some bunk beds, enjoy it, really is my forte these days, needs to be as the instructions are about as much use as a PC with no screen.

Awesome American friends.
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Crazy Laws in Utah

Paradise. Not 70 buxom, perpetual virgins but at least there’s no need to blow yourself up.

It’s legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list.

It is considered an offense to hunt whales.

No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call.

It is against the law to fish from horseback.

It is illegal not to drink milk.

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Pat Condell, Just Dropped A TRUTH BOMB!