
Morning coffee in Heidelberg
Then we take a leisurely stroll down the river into Heidelberg. Wander dow the Haupstrasse to the main square with the obligatory Rathaus and church. Stop to rest our weary legs, having strolled all of a mile, for an all important coffee. Place is teaming with Japanese cameras strung around Japanese, or could be Chinese, necks.
A more disconcerting trend these days is for those vanity sticks – the selfie stick. You have to be under 30 to buy one, but it seems the whole of the younger generation is inflicted with a dweebie narcissistic complex. Bad enough they wander around talking into their Smartarse phones but now they’re walking around video their every movement. By the end of the day they must spend hours sorting through their “treasured” moments. I wonder how they cope with going to the toilet? Can they bear to miss recording those few precious moments?
Continue our stroll down the high street to the new town. Wendy’s on a mission to get a small rucksack to replace the need to carry one of the 401 handbags she has. We visit every handbag and out door shop in town. Some of them twice over for good measure. Finally find a black leather one that can just about cope with carrying an iPhone and one credit card. Fortunately there is a defibrillator in store to help my credit card and me recover.
Then we stroll back down the main street to make sure we’ve not missed any shops. Have to liven our pace to get to the Lowenbrau pub as a thunder storm passes. Not quite up to running yet, but a skimpy thin white dress with a black thong beneath, keeps me moving at a rapid pace as I keep up and can’t help but see the wet teeshirt effect reveal more and more. Good quality street entertainment, none of your boring black bin liners. Thank the FSM for a liberated society.
Somewhat wet and bedraggled we stop for a leisurely lunch. Apfel Strudel for Frau Edwards and a Lowenbrau for me. Yes I know it’s a sin. Yes I know it breaks the 2nd law of retirement – no drinking before 17:00. But I’m not driving today and it would have been a sin to pass up on a golden opportunity for one of my Reinheiatsgebot favourites.

Heidelberg

What a joke these Harem pants for eunochs are
Qur’an Gangbang episode 4: Islamic Street Preachers
Here we go again, you cannot jail illegal immigrants, court says.

Our VRBO home for the next 4 days
Dominic Raab, the Tory MP and Vote Leave campaigner, said that the rulings illustrated the “loss of proper democratic control” to EU judges “over a sensitive area of policy”.
For more read:
http://www.thetimes.co.uk/edition/news/you-cannot-jail-illegal-immigrants-court-says-f32wgx8c5

Heidelberg river Eck
We avoid the Autobahns in an attempt to see more of Germany and less of my rear view mirror. Frau Edwards get excited when we come across a Lidl. We have to stop and explore. Consensus of opinion from my merchandising consultant is that Lidl is far superior to Aldi, unlike in England where it is vice versa.

Heidelberg
Stop off in Heidelberg new town and have a wander around.

Stroll in Heidelberg
Has anyone noticed that all German car parks seem to be designed to wreck your alloy wheels, twists and turns down curb lined isles that you’ve no chance of negotiating without hitting them.

Look what I got.

A Lowenbrau sin
* British exports value to EU has plummeted by a fifth over the past decade
* Leave campaigners said the figures proved the ‘failure’ of the single market
* Remain camp insists access to trading bloc was vital to economic success
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3592104/Brexit-help-create-jobs-say-300-business-chiefs-Leaders-say-Brussels-red-tape-stifles-one-UK-s-5-4million-companies.html#ixzz48nlghXwQ

Heidelberg

Heidelberg castle
1 The humane and romantic option – walk down the pavement holding hands with Frau Edwards, spread out across the whole pavement. Then they have to use their bell.
2 The permanent fix option – as you see their shadow sweeping up then execute a sharp right hand signal with your hand flat out, karate style, and let it make contact with the oncoming larynx. Oh so sorry we didn’t see you. They’ll never do it again.

Heidelberg famous old bridge
Home for lunch.
Then walk into town for a chance to walk across the famous old Heidelberg Bridge.

Heidelberg famous old bridge – no cars
At last a Babel Fish, automatic translation, without having to stuff a wriggling fish in my ear. Why bother to learn a language, apart from keeping Alzheimers at bay, when you have awesome technology like the Google translate app. Type, speak or even photograph text with your camera and hey presto instant translation. How awesome is that almost makes up for all the crap IT we suffer.

A Paulaner moment

Pat Condell: Islamic Invasion Of Europe Will FAIL
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyDfL7E1toI&feature=em-subs_digest-vrecs
Comments from Peaceful Muslims
If you’re a REMAINDER or don’t know for heavens sake please, please, please watch this “BREXIT The Movie”:
Up early and say good bye to Heidelberg and we’re off down to Innsbruck.
Well crap a dead cat I’ve just discovered we need one of these vignette thingies to drive on Austrian motorways. So much for the EU, a €8.80 rip off. Hopefully we charge Austrians £17.60 to drive on our roads. Makes sense to me but I won’t be holding my breath.

Innsbruck
Arrive at our Ibis hotel smack in the centre of Innsbruck. Have a pleasant wander around the old town. Very picturesque with some awesome buildings.
Stop for a well deserved coffee and Darjeeling for Frau Edwards. But what does Johnny Foreigner know about making tea, served with cream as usual, Frau Edwards is tut tuting again.

Innsbruck
What a tasty bit of crackling. No I’m not talking about the young waitress in leder hosen, I’m talking about real crackling on my pork, with pretzel dumplings and sauerkraut. It must be the last century since I had crackling. Whatever happened to it? Is it more EU nonsense? Or is it Islam? Proper Austrian food, but alas no kaiserschmarren or germknodel, so we’re off in search of it and another excellent beer.

Innsbruck
Well just getting into this German Sprachen after 50 years and tomorrow we say goodbye and hello Italy. Sadly I’ll be the typical Brit abroad, armed with my Google Translate and not speaking a word of Italian – what do you mean you don’t speak English. I’m confused enough with French and German.
Shuffle back to the hotel for Question Time and an early night.



Oh we must have been here before. The famous SPAR shop – perhaps our kids will remember it!
Handy underground car park which was ideal as the hotel was in the city centre. Great location for a walk around the old town.
Room was modern, clean, comfortable and all round ok. Sadly the bed would probably be described as firm. Typical German, like sleeping on a concrete floor. Wendy was disgusted that there were no drinks making facilities in the room or 24 hour tea and coffee in the lobby.

Innsbruck
Breakfast was good and had an awesome waffle maker.

Last minute fridge magnet shopping in Innsbruck
Arrive at out Padova Hotel after a 4 hour drive and have a lazy afternoon to recover. At least there’s tea and coffee making facilities. Search for somewhere to eat but none of the local restaurants open until 19:00, a tad late for us geriatrics. Decide to eat in the hotel.
