
Penguins and civilisation at last.
Mini bus to a car park then a land rover across the moor like, peaty landscape. By the end of the 20 minute drive we’re all shaking like a dog shitting hammer handles. Landscape reminds us very much of Belthorn, only really fit for sheep. Weather is sunny, not too cold but a tad windy. Better than at home.
More Gentoo penguins than Muslim at a blasphemy riot, but only a smaller colony of about 20 King penguins. There was a five hour tour took in more different varieties of penguins but involved 4 hours driving, a goodly portion of which would be in a Landrover, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster we passed on that little escapade.

More British than Britain. I bet they’re not bothered about BREXIT.
Have a stroll around. Can you believe it we visit a gift shop. Then a super market. Not just any old supermarket but a Waitrose. Place is a bit like 1960’s Britain. Photograph a few war memorials.
Then it’s back to the ship. One of the better day trips, Wendy got to see her penguins and everyone spoke English.

Cape Horn with 18 foot waves.
Day at sea. Sail around Cape Horn. We get our moneys worth going around the Horn with 18 foot waves to liven things up. Fortunately my pewk tablets do their job and I can even tolerate the gym. All quite exciting in a bizarre way.

Not sure what this is.
Get off the ship early and have a stroll around the city. Reminds us very much of France. There’s a cruise ship in town but not an open shop in sight – true French style entrepreneurs.
Being lazy souls we’ve signed up for a tour to the Tierra Del Feugo National Park. Quite a stark location. Our tour guide is obsessed with Beavers – thats the animal kind. By the end of the NP tour I’m at the point of being ready to throttle her if she mentions Beavers, and the problems they’ve caused, at least one more time. Im sure the whole coach would welcome her demise. Then when she’s done Beavers to death she starts on the parasites. No not the unemployed scrotal variety to be found in the UK, but the parasites that live on the trees.

Post box at the bottom of the World.
Then it’s back to the gin palace for an early departure to cruise Glacier Alley, Beagle Channel
and Cockburn Channel. But not before a cocktail party with free whisky, champagne and you can borrow some real diamond bling for the formal evening. Cheeky bar steward asked was I getting dressed up for the formal. I replied “Yes, I already am”. That shut him up.

Town square.
Next cruise we’ll stick to our guns and do our own thing. Much cheaper and we can avoid Museum and Cemetery fatigue.

Statue of Magellan – I think, i’d lost the will to listen by now.
We go to a local Tavern where we have lunch; a few local beers; and because Wendy doesn’t like her Daiquiri I even have to finish that off. Then it’s a stroll around town before getting the free bus back to the port.
Back to the ship / boat / gin palace for a cruise down the Strait of Magellan.

More from the penguins.
Lunch reveals yet another “there’s note so queer as folk” moment as a woman comes to sit down at ta dinner table, but there are 4 drops of water on the table. Wow she has a hissy fit with her husband, as if it was his fault. Then summons a waiter to swab them up. Heaven help her in the rain.

Glacier in Glacier Alley – I think.

Wendy with her penguins.
It can be a tad depressing on this floating gin palace full of geriatrics, with walking stick and zimmer frame hell. Average age must be about 65. Then depression sets in as you realise you’re one of them, but so much better than the alternative.

Chilean fjords.
Have breakfast delivered to the room, only coffee, tea and a smoothie, but that way you get a couple of free Mimosas to help keep my alcohol levels topped up during the day.

Yet another glacier.
Wendy faffs about whether to buy a pack of lip gloss. Shall I, shan’t I – for gods sake just buy them. Then she goes to watch an auction, she finds the stupidity fascinating.
Exploit the 16:00 happy hour to buy a couple of glasses of wine at almost reasonable price and then take them up to dinner. Where there’s a will there’s a way and it gives me great delight to circumvent their rampant greed.
Dinner with our usual two American couples.
Wendy watches the show while I sit in the lounge, watching the sea go by and nurse a glass of wine. A much more stimulating experience than watching yet another mediocre song and dance performance. Mind you to be fair if they served up a top Broadway cast and musical I’d probably still go for watching the sea go by.

Welcome to our little shithole.
Wow this place is a real shithole, the armpit of civilisation.

Thank god we’re leaving.
Back on board our opulent first world bubble by lunchtime.
Dinner with our usual two American couples again.

The shitholes only claim to fame and it’s enough to give even adults nightmares.
Interesting talk on El Nino, although I do keep drifting off to sleep.
Wendy gets packed.
Dinner with our usual two American couples, almost fixed dining.