20171029 – Disney Cruise, A Week On A Floating Gin Palace Full Of Screaming Rug Rats – And We Enjoyed Every Minute Of It.

Meal last night in the Royal Court was amazing. The 10 of us had the centre table and were treated like royalty. Food and service was awesome.

The show was mediocre. The sort of show to sleep through. I had the best sleep ever, on unknown women’s shoulder.

Today we’re all up pretty early for a great breakfast in Cabana followed by a day at Sea. Kids have a great day by the pool. Boy is it busy and noisy. There’s an nfestation of little, sticky fingered rugrats running a mock and screaming loud enough to pop the rivets holding this floating gin palace together. Every few hours they kick all the rug rats out the pool to test the water and look for any turds. Then when they find the inevitable turd they kick everyone out; drain the pool; send in a high pressure wash team. I pass on the pool.

Wendy attends a 3D Mickey Mouse creation activity, apparently for some perverse reason it’s for big kids, adults only. Sounds like a load of perverts, perhaps it’s a Mickey and friends Chippendales strip show with Minnie and Daisy doing a spot of pole dancing.

So much going on for the kids, it’s all go. With fantastic kids clubs but our lot don’t seem to really go for them much.

Tonights the formal night but like all American cruises the majority of people take no notice of it – at the end of the day we’re the customer paying for it.

Tonight we eat in the Animator restaurant. Every night we cycle through the 3 restaurants, so we get to try each one. Our waiters follow us. More great food and service.

As my booze has been impounded by the Disney pirates it’s an opportunity to try various whisky and whiskey. Bullit Rye is very tasty as is the Canadian Royal Rye.

We’re in Cozumel today. Must be our 3rd visit.

It’s Fiona’s 31st birthday so we give her the Rain Forrest spa experience for her and Kurt as part of her birthday gift.

As we get off there’s free mosquito repellent, along with warnings of the danger. Everyone’s getting larded up with mosquito repellent and looks like a walking slime buckets.

Mexican immigration is an interesting alternative, no armed officers checking passports and stamping dates as to how long you can stay. But there again it’s such a shit hole that I’m sure they have no problems with illegal immigrants. Instead they force you through a load of duty free shops.

Thankfully there’s a Starbucks although you need a degree in Spanish to be able to log onto the wifi – crap really when you consider that the majority of the tourist that come speak English, but no it’s just another dago country where they can’t be bothered to consider the customer.

We all have a wander round but nothing much to see really. Of course if you’re really desperate for something to do and titivate you then you can dip your feet in a tank of tropical fish – weird. Wendy buys a spider man costume for Jasper and in typical fashion manages to negotiate the price down from $20 to $7. She should try some of those tactics next time she’s at the checkout in Aldi.

Another one of those places that it’s best to do an overpriced trip or just stay on board.

Start our on board detective hunt with Devon and Jasper. It’s quite amazing and good entertainment.

They celebrate Halloween tonight with a massive kids party with Disney characters; trick and treat rewards everywhere and in the evening there’s free drinks of a cocktail or beer in the atrium. Of course most are dressed in fancy dressed costumes as part of the American Halloween, marketing and greed driven, excessive behaviour.

Have a beer before tea with everyone. Then it’s time for dinner in the Enchanted Forrest. Food and service are excellent but the place is oppressively cramped. Rather not eat in here again. Need to have a word with my Disney minder Carla when she rings us at night.

Blanton Rye Whiskey is not so good.

Today we’re in Gran Cayman. Again must be our 3rd visit. We don’t dock until later and it’s a tender in, so we have a wander into town after an early lunch. Everyone soon gets fed up with the place. Me, Wendy, Beatrix and Fiona explore a little further. But there’s no Starbucks. Find a mediocre bottle of wine I can take back on board.

We stop at the Margarita bar where we all enjoy a strawberry dakari.

Back on board I get the joy of finishing the detective hunt with Jasper. It really is a treasured experience.

Wendy and Fiona have a treat when they go to the laundrette on board. Nearly as good as a trip to the supermarket.

In the evening Kurt feeds Beatrix on our 10 seater table in the Royal court. Just the two of them.

Then we dump the kids in kid clubs while the adults, complete with Beatrix, head to our free meal (it pays to complain) at the speciality restaurant Palo. Sadly they won’t let Beatrix in so Kurt and Fiona head off to Cabana restaurant for diner while the rest of us enjoy a awesome Italian meal at Palo. Pity about our Italian waiter whose gob seems to suffer from verbal incontinence. If he doesn’t shut up soon he’s going to find his gob impaled on the sharp end of a bread role. Kurt and Fiona get to have a quiet romantic evening in Palo on Friday whilst we look after the kids and Beatrix.

Kids get presents in their room with a character blanket. Yet another benefit of complaining.

Arrive early – 07:30 – in Falmouth, Jamaica. Lazy breakfast then Wendy and I along with Kurt’s brood go ashore for a shifty around. Port area is typical shops but quite pleasant. Once you venture out of the port you do start to believe the warnings about this place being dangerous. We’ve all left watches in the safe on board. After 15 minutes we head back to the safety of the port. This place is poor and rough. More people doing an awesome impression of a badgers arse, not part of the Disney experience.

Ross and his brood stay on board around the pool.

Meet up for lunch and then afterwards it’s kids events around the ship. Oh and Wendy becomes one of the biggest kids with drawing in the Oceaner Lab and then some 3D animation.

In the evening we have yet another meet the Princesses extravaganza, as an added delight there’s a man on balcony picking his nose, heaven nose where the debris fell. I wonder whether that’s part of the Disney script.

Meanwhile todays gifts, for the “selected special family” are gold chocolate coins in our room.

Lazy day at sea. Plenty going on for the kids.

Went to the hypnosis lecture. As it also mentioned weight loss it was the biggest concentration of adipose tissue on the ship. Good job it was midships or I think the ship would have taken on a dangerous list.

Silly me, no wonder it was free they try to sell you a CD.

Go to take photos at the baby crawl race. Women sits down on the floor next to me and asks what this for. Just goes to show how the gullible will join any queue.

Sat near the geriatrics couple from hell. They should play a video of these two to all prospective young couples, guaranteed to have them high tail it to the nearst monastery. Not a peep out of them or to one another. She’s glued to her kindle, him to his iPhone. Marriage can be so stimulating.

Good show in the evening, even I stayed awake. A bit more whiskey tasting.

It’s Castaway Quay today. A beach day. Disney’s own fantasy Island in the Bahamas. Actually, as you’d expect from Disney, it’s quite well organised with good facilities. Quite a money spinner no docking fees and everything they take on the activities goes straight to Disney.

Have an argument with an arrogant, yank re deck chairs. Offer to try and sort it so that both families get what they want, but he’s having none of it. Prefers to be an arrogant prick and sit on a chair amidst ours. Make you realise why the Americans can be such warmongers.

Try the water slide with Honey, but pass on snorkelling as they expect you to wear a life vest.

We last about 2 hours before having launch and heading back to the ship. We’re just not beach, sun and sand people.

The pool decks just a cacophony of screaming rug rats and big screen movies. There’s really no peace and quiet to be had anywhere on this floating gin palace.

We’re on rug rat duties tonight looking after Jasper and Beatrix while the parents go to Palo for a speciality meal. Jasper goes into kid club.

We all go to the show. Vampires thrive on blood and our British cruise director seems to thrive on applause. “Did you enjoy….”, “and what about….”. And of course the Americans just love inane applause and shouting for the slightest thing. It’s just a pity she didn’t say “and what about the bog rolls on board, aren’t they fantastic?”. They’d have obliged with thunderous applause.

Show is pretty mediocre and spoilt by cruise director’s applause seeking. What ever happened to a show to sleep to and a strangers shoulder to sleep on.

Then the theatre chair eats Jasper, as he gets his foot stuck down the back of the chair and is screaming the place down. Not that anyone notices with all the raucous applause and shouting going on. Me thinks it could be a trip to the county court.

Breakfast in enchanted garden – claustrophobic start to the day.

Pick up my contraband booze. Then we disembark. Bit of a queue but overall a pretty smooth and slick process. Even immigration are fast and sacrifice all there usual stamp, stamp, fingerprint palaver. Must remember to try smuggling again as the complaints bought us all those freebies – Victor confirms it pays to complain.

The drive to our new home for 3 weeks is pretty uneventful and we’re there by 11:00.

Our 4 bedroomed home is awesome. Has a pool and everything you can think of. Thanks to Barrie for giving us the details, has to be one of the best VRBO’s we’ve ever stayed in – for pictures see next weeks blog.

In the afternoon Wendy and I nip down to the Mall to see if I can get a iPhone X. No chance sold out and of course it’s a state secret when they’ll be getting anymore in – security – stuff the customer yet again.