Fall Free Falls
The plan for the day is a stroll around Blue Ridge. Some lunch for Wendy then a trip out to Morganton Point and a walk by the lake. You’d think it’d be around the lake but alas that’ll wear me walking poles down to nothing, it’s over 100 miles around.
Have the stroll. Interesting how, even here in the land of the mighty greenback, the more religious emporiums sacrifice a good days takings. Lunch at Danielles was a real trial. Great food but OMG I think they must have sent to Paris (well there is a picture of the Eiffel tower on their sign) for the food judging by the length of time it took. After exploring everything on iPhone, even I got bored, it was a trip to the counter, a few choice sarcastic words. I just couldn’t resist, and then the food finally arrived. By which time Wendy was ready to chase and eat the tiny lizard, as severe malnutrition had set in. Oh and yes they may only work for tips, so my tip was, work for an organisation that has at least a minor sense of urgency.
As for the walk, no way, it was just too hot and humid.
A pleasant geriatrics sort of afternoon.
Sadly we’re getting a tad bored with this area. Lovely scenery but unless you’ve got a boat, or into serious walking, it lacks significant places to explore. After a while all these trees do start to get to you. No doubt in a few more weeks we’ll have the splendid autumnal colours.
Curmuring
Meaning: A low rumbling sound produced by the bowels.
Origin: 1880s
As in: Nothing worse than Wendy’s noisy curmuring whilst waiting for her lunch.
https://www.facebook.com/tony.w.edwards/posts/10156182014480249?pnref=story
To sum up then they seem to be saying Islamic extremists are a bunch of nutters. Didn’t we all know that.
Who keeps turning the table cloth back? Spooky.
We decide to go to Fall Branch Falls. Come across a Pavement ends sign. A bit confusing as like most American roads there was no pavement, after all it is America and nobody walks anyway. What it really means is road ends and your on a dirt track from now on. After 10 miles of pretty good dirt track we follow the instructions to the Falls. Apparently they’re over the bridge and the parking lot is on the right. No it’s not, there’s no bridge and the parking lot is on the left. To add insult to stupidity there is a sign for the falls, but it’s well hidden up the path so you can’t see it from the road.
It must be a common feature of the Georgia’s tourist departments, they couldn’t organise a f..k in a brothel with a fist full of fifties. Poor directions; badly promoted; no one really gives a dam.
A common site round here, in “Dukes of Hazard” country, of some good old boys flying the confederate flag from the back of their souped up, giant tyre’d, high suspension, noisy pick up truck.
Bit of a disappointing day.
Every time we go out the table cloth on the outside dining room table is turned back. Is it the wind? Doubt it, no wind around. Is it the squirrel? Is it a poltergeist? Is it a bear with OCD? I weighted the corner of the table cloth down to eliminate the wind. When we came back the other corner was turned back and some flowers were left in front of the door! Spooky and certainly not a quantum effect.
Monsterful
Meaning: Wonderful and extraordinary.
Origin: 1810s
As in: The Breaking Bad finale was every bit as monsterful as I’d hoped.
Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.
It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.
Cars are not to drive on sidewalks.
Erotic dancing is prohibited on Sundays.
The flooring of adult bookstores and video stores must be nonabsorbant and smooth textured.
No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.
Members of the Ku Klux Klan yell as they fly Confederate flags outside the statehouse in protest at its removal.
Good riddance I say. Let’s lay on free flights for anyone who wants to go, but make sure we strip them of their British citizen ship; finger print them; get a DNA sample.
If we find their family has been involved in the radicalisation they should be shipped off with them. If it is further found that the mosque was involved then the inman should be sent packing to follow their converts and for good measure the mosque should be closed down. Soon solve the problem.
Black Mountain Home Exchange – open plan lounge complete with giant flat screen TV.
Mr hertz has seen fit to offer me a choice of a Nissan, rather hire an arthritic donkey, or a tree hugger mobile (Toyota Prius). Made a big mistake and went for the Prius. A word of advice, don’t ever drive one – see rant below for reasons why not.
We were thinking we may have a wander around Cleveland but nothing to it, so settle for a Starbucks instead.
Open plan lounge.
Resistentialism
Meaning: The seemingly malevolent behaviour displayed by inanimate objects.
Origin: 1940s
As in: That water bottle looks like it wants to kill me. It exhibits resistentialism.
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The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Open plan kitchen.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, “Hey, y’all, watch this,” you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks learn to drive on a John Deere, and that is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.
Do not be surprised to find that many 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don’t think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn’t call ’em biscuits!
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The gear shift is counter intuitive.
Open plan kitchen diner and lounge.
No cruise control. Probably the loopy greens are worried it will create too much CO2.
I think it must be possessed as engine keeps cutting out, unnerving, ungodly.
When you shut the door it’s amazing it doesn’t fall off, as you get to hear how tinny it is.
When the engine does wake from its slumber you need ear defenders, it’s so noisy.
Has all the speed, style, grace and acceleration of a three legged tortoise.
When Wendy drives she needs a periscope to see over the bonnet.
All round visibility makes my old SLK sports seem like a panoramic window on the world by comparison.
Engine management system diagram drives you nuts.
On the plus side, for an American car, it’s fairly fuel efficient, but with a gallon of petrol costing just £1.20 who gives a CO2 molecule about global warming if you have to suffer this green tree hugger mobile.
Formal dinning room.
It’s a lovely and homely (for the avoidance of any doubt that word is the highest compliment we could pay to a home) brick built bungalow. Very spacious. Immediately feel at home here.
Open plan front parlour.
Just sat on the rocking chair watching the birds. Now all I need is for a bear to come and pose for a picture on the lawn below. Then it’s off down to the supermarket so Wendy can get her weekly fix. I suppose I’ll have to suffer another Starbucks.
Master bedroom with en-suite bathroom.
Fantastic news, even got me up from my Starbucks coffee. This supermarket sells Hofbrau Oktoberfest and a few other decent German lagers. Now that’s a thirst for America. I’m orgasmic. Then to top it all we have the ultimate in checkout service. They take the goods out of your basket for scanning and a packer packs them and then offers to take them to the car. What’s more no tipping allowed. I’m impressed. How neat is all that? So is it Tesco, Asda, Sainsbury, Waitrose, Aldi or Lidl? No it’s Ingles, they understand customer service.
Back porch complete with an All American giant gas barbecue.
Quockerwodger
Meaning: A wooden puppet, controlled by strings.
Origin: 1850s
As in: The president has no real power, he is a mere quockerwodger.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkLHHKVxaBQ
Back garden. Just waiting for the bear to come now.
We, the British taxpayers, face an extra European Union bill of £384 million (€519 million) next year after MEPs defied national governments and proposed to raise Brussels budgets.
National ministers agreed an EU budget for 2016 of €142.1 billion, yet now the European parliament’s budget committee has reversed the cuts and increased spending by €3 billion.
They’re out of control. Let’s get out. Let’s get back control. Let’s get back our sovereignty.